A bunch of red Xs

A bunch of red Xs [2008-01-23]
All the pictures just have the no pic available placeholder. If you are directly copying and pasting from your emails that would be the problem. The pictures don't stay with the copying, but the HTML and address where they were located does. All the pics are coming from:h*ttp:/*/us.f622.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download/us/ShowLet*ter?. Which I assume is your email account and we cannot access that. Make sense? (the asterices in the HTML are an attempt to let the address show itself rather than running the code on the forum, they can be removed for the true address).

Funny how a bunch of names just popped in my head the second I saw that! nm [2006-07-12]
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Medical Exam Funnies! [2007-11-07]
Embarrassing medical exams 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, My wife's going to have her baby in the cab! I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX. 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths, I instructed. Yes, they used to be, replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a massive internal fart. Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg 4. During a patient's two week followup appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one? I asked. The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it! I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, How long have you been bedridden? After a look of complete confusion she answered ...Why, not for about twenty years, doctor, when my husband was alive. Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR 6. I was caring for a woman and asked, So how's your breakfast this morning? It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled KY Jelly. Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, Keep off the grass. Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, Sorry, had to mow the lawn. Submitted by RN no name AND FINALLY..... The BEST of the bunch.... 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middleaged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, I'm sorry. Was I tickling you? She replied, No, doctor, but the song you were whistling was, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener. Dr. Wouldn't submit his name

Yeah, DH just told me the same thing (sm) [2007-07-09]
oh well. Got it in an e-mail and thought it had a bunch of good stuff on it, no matter who wrote it!

Being From Kentucky... [2007-06-07]
I could say that one gets used to this sort of thing, but sadly, one doesn't. When we moved to Indiana a few years ago and went to get our driver's licenses changed, the girl at the counter was asking where we were from and when we told her Eastern Kentucky, she says Oh, so you're Appalachian, then? I thought wow, cool, she is not ignorant and realizes that there is a culture difference but she then continued to say So isn't that where everyone goes barefoot and has their couches and refrigerators on the porch???? What a disappointment. The joke was pretty funny, actually, but it would have been funnier if it didn't pick on a group of people who have no cultural respect from the rest of the world, a world that doesn't seem to realize howproud and dignifiedour culture is, and how hurtful idiotic stereotypes are to us. Appalachians, or hillbillies, if you will, are not perfect by any means, but neither are city dwellers, farmers, fisherman. We are just a bunch of folks bound together by our geography, JUST like the rest of the world. Sorry to vent. HC

SkinnyDipping [2007-05-06]
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peachtrees.One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and looks it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket tobring back some fruit.As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. Ashe came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in hispond.He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.One of the women shouted to him, We're not coming out until you leave! The old man frowned, I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim nakedor make you get out of the pond naked.Holding the bucket up he said, I'm here to feed the alligator.Some old men can still think fast.

*I have a new friend* [2007-01-21]
I Have A New FriendI have a new delightful friend, I'm almost in awe of her; When we first met I was impressed, By her bizarre behavior. ~~~~~That day I had a date with friends, We met to have some lunch; Mae had come along with them, All in all ... a pleasant bunch. When the menus were presented, We ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups; Except for Mae who circumvented, And said, Ice-cream, please. Two scoops I was not sure my ears heard right, And the others were aghast; Along with heated apple pie, Mae smiled, completely unabashed. ~~~~~We tried to act quite nonchalant, As if people did this all the time; But when our orders were brought out, I did not enjoy mine. I could not take my eyes off Mae, As her pie ala-mode went down; The otherladies showed dismay, They ate their lunches, and they frowned. Well, the next time I went out to eat, I called and invited Mae; My lunch contained white tuna meat, She ordered a parfait.~~~~~I smiled when her dish I viewed, She asked if she amused me; I answered, Yes, you do, and you also do confuse me. How come you order rich desserts? When I feel I must be sensible?She laughed and said, with wanton mirth, I am tasting all that's possible. I try to eat the food I need, And do the things I should; But life's so short, my friend, indeed, I hate missing out on something good. ~~~~~This year I realized I was old, She grinned, I've not been this old before; So, before I die, I've got to try, Those things for years I have ignored. I've not smelled all the flowers yet, And too many books I have not read;There's more fudge sundaes to woof down, And kites to be flown overhead. There's many malls I have not shopped, I've not laughed at all the jokes; I've missed a lot of Broadway Hits, And potato chips and cokes. ~~~~~I want to wade again in water, And feel ocean spray upon my face;Sit in a country church once more, And thank God for His grace. I want peanut butter every day, Spread on my morning toast; I want un-timed long-distance calls, To the folks I love the most. I've not cried at all the movies yet, Nor walked in the morning rain; I need to feel wind in my hair, I want to fall in love again. ~~~~~So, if I choose to have dessert, Instead of having dinner; If I should die before nightfall, You'd have to say I died a winner. That I missed out on nothing, That I had my heart's desire; That I had that final chocolate mousse, Before my life expired. With that, I called the waitress over, I've changed my mind, it seems;I said, I want what she is having, Only add some more whipped-cream! ~author unknown~

Money Exchange [2007-01-11]
Money Exchange I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line. Just one guy in front of me...an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little irritated.... He asked the teller, Why it change?? Yestoday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change? The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, Fluctuations. The Asian guy says, Fluc you white people too

I read this and "I walked away laughing hysterically." [2006-09-13]
It was just a how to ruin a perfect joke message. I wasn't having a bad day at all. I justwas rather disheartened that theCOMEDY BOARDwas also bitten by the new badway to end a joke virus.. It's a terrible thing when ajoke cannot end with a perfect punchline instead of a hint that suggests okay, now it is time to laugh. Thattotally takes the PUNCH out of the punchline. It was like the old canned laughter on old shows like M*A*S*H. My mom used to say, Why do they do that? We don't need to be told when something is funny. If we don't get it, then we don't know what is funny and that canned laughter just takes away from the funny stuff. It's like in grade school when you told a joke and ended it with, get it? Case in point, Bob and Jim are sitting around a campfire with a bunch of people. BOB SAYS: Hey Jim, how do you keepsomeone in suspense? JIM: I don't know. How? BOB: I'll tell you tomorrow. That joke doesn't end in, and everyone around the campfire LAUGHED OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!