Ever wonder what a yacht looks like inside

for laughs. See link inside [2008-11-08]
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Ever wonder what a yacht looks like inside? [2007-12-29]
Got this in my email and then found it on the internet so I can share it. You will wish you had honed your golf skills! http://www.ssqq.com/archive/vinlin24.htm

Quote of the day. See inside. [2007-11-29]
DICTATED:Assessment: Gunshot wound to the abdomen.Plan: Help the patient.

See inside of a plane's cockpit! [2007-11-18]
Probably need to copy and paste... If you click on an airplane, then it shows the inside of a cockpit. Not afunny...just interesting! http://www.codeonemagazine.com/test/archives/2007/articles/jan_07/cockpits/cockpits.html

Pic of the week! see link inside... [2007-10-25]
http://i180.photobucket.com:80/albums/x17/o2prove/funny/Image.jpg copy paste the link. This is crude!

UPS pilot gripes, mechanic humor [2008-08-12]
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor..... Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPSpilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers (marked with an S). By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. * P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. * P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit * P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. * P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. * P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. * P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. * P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. * P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. * P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. * P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search * P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. * P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. * P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. * And the best one for last * P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget

Good Friday funny! [2008-07-18]
Five surgeons were discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered. The second responds, Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.The third surgeon says, No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order. The fourth surgeon chimes in: You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer and costs more than you said it would. But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

Good 'ole redneck humor... [2008-06-27]
Howdy. Is this the sheriff's department? Yep. What do you want? Well, you see I'm calling about my neighbor Virgil. The thing is, he's hiding a stash of marijuana inside his firewood... Thank you very much for your call, sir. The following day, the local sheriff and his band of deputies descended on Virgil's house. Bursting into his shed, they find the stash of firewood. Using axes, they bust open every single piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Virgil and left... The phone then rings inside Virgil's house: Hey there Virgil, this here's Bubba...Did the sheriff come to yer house? Yeah! Did they chop yer firewood? Yep. Happy Birthday, Buddy

Private Parts [2008-03-28]
MY PRIVATE PARTS DIEDAn old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy,she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his PrivatePart hanging out of his pajamas.He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking downthe hall like that.Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.''But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday thatmy Private Part died.'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out ofyour pajamas?'(You've gotta love this ....)'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'IF YOU ARE NOT LAUGHING SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU

Thought you would have fun with this! [2008-03-10]
This was interesting. Criss Angel showed how this worked on one of his shows, but it was still kind of surprising when I checked out several people I knew. Not superstitious, but I need all the luck I can get.Once you have opened this e-mail, there's no turning back. Below are True descriptions of zodiac signs. Read your sign, and then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line. This is the real Deal, try ignoring or changing it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets Worse from there.Remember, if you are on the cusp of another sign you most likely will have features of both signs...which may lead you into total confusion......CAPRICORN- The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they Want. 20 years of bad luck if you do not forward.AQUARIUS- The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality. 11 years of bad luck if you do not forward.PISCES- The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative.May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful. 8 years of bad luck if you do not forward.ARIES- The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19)Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.TAURUS- The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous. 12 years of badLuck if you do not forwardGEMINI- The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20) Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable But needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.CANCER- The Protector (June 21 - July 22)Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.LEO- The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22)Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive. 13 years of bad luck if you do not forward.VIRGO- The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22)Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to.Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.LIBRA- The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22) Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.SCORPIO- The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21)Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.SAGITTARIUS- The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21)Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out. 14 years of bad luck if you do not forwardSend away!!~ Ready . set............ GO!1-3 people= 1 minute of luck4-7 people= 1 hour of luck8-12 people = 1 day of luck13-17 People = 1 week of luck18-22 people = 1 month of luck23-27 people = 3 Months of luck28-32 people = 7 months of luck33-37 people = 1 year of luck

Pecans in the Cemetery! (Joke) [2008-03-05]
PECANS IN THE CEMETERY On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filledup a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me, said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. Come here quick, said the boy, you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls. The man said, Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk. When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. The old man whispered, Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord. Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done. They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike. SMILE, God Loves You!

Firewood (Joke [2008-02-26]
Subject: firewood MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD' 'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?' 'Yes. What can I do for you?' 'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.' 'Thank you very much for the call, sir.' The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept . Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house. 'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?' 'Yeah!' 'Did they chop your firewood?' 'Yep! ' 'Happy Birthday, buddy!' (Rednecks know how to get-R-dun)

Firewood (Joke!) [2008-02-26]
Subject: firewood MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD' 'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?' 'Yes. What can I do for you?' 'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there.' 'Thank you very much for the call, sir.' The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept . Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house. 'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?' 'Yeah!' 'Did they chop your firewood?' 'Yep! ' 'Happy Birthday, buddy!' (Rednecks know how to get-R-dun)

Self CPR (Not a Joke) passing it along... [2008-02-20]
Subject: FW: self CPR Good information to know�. What are you to do if you have a heart attack while you are alone. If you've already received this, it means people care about you The Johnson City Medical Center staff actually discovered this And did an in-depth study on it in our ICU The two individuals that Discovered this then did an article on it . Had it published and have Even had it incorporated into ACLS and CPR classes. It is very true and has and does work. It is called cough CPR. A cardiologist says it's the truth ... For your info If everyone who gets This sends it to 10 people, you can bet that we'll save at least one life. Read This...It could save your life! Let's say it's 6:15 p.m. And you're driving home (alone of course), after an usually hard day on the job. You're really tired, upset and frustrated. Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far. What can you do? You've been trained in CPR but the guy that taught the course, Didn't tell you what to do if it happened to yourself. Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack , This article seemed to be in order. Without help, the person Whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, Has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness. However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, As when producing sputum from deep inside the chest. A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let up until help arrives, Or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again. Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital. Tell as many other people as possible about this, it could save their lives! From Health Cares, Rochester General Hospital via Chapter 240s newsletter AND THE BEAT GOES ON (reprint from The Mended Hearts, Inc. Publication, Heart Response)

:) [2008-02-14]
One night , after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, heproceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the ther side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh. By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. Why are you stopping darling? she whispered He whispered back, I found the remote! ----------------------------------------------------------------------

The "Middle Wife" (Comedy) [2008-02-11]
The Middle Wife by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord. She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going , 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh! ' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning. My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this. Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. And then, pop! My Mom had ! this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew! This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much! Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Middle Wife comes along. Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!! Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

The "Middle Wife" (Comedy) [2008-02-11]
The Middle Wife by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord. She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going , 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh! ' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning. My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this. Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. And then, pop! My Mom had ! this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew! This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much! Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Middle Wife comes along. Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!! Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

The "Middle Wife" [2008-02-09]
The Middle Wife by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord. She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going , 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh! ' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning. My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this. Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. And then, pop! My Mom had ! this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew! This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much! Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Middle Wife comes along. Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!! Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

The "Middle Wife"! [2008-02-09]
The Middle Wife by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord. She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going , 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh! ' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning. My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this. Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. And then, pop! My Mom had ! this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew! This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much! Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Middle Wife comes along. Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!! Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

The "Middle Wife" [2008-02-09]
The Middle Wife by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord. She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going , 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh! ' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning. My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this. Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. And then, pop! My Mom had ! this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew! This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much! Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Middle Wife comes along. Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!! Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

The "Middle Wife"! [2008-02-09]
The Middle Wife by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord. She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going , 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh! ' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning. My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this. Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. And then, pop! My Mom had ! this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew! This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much! Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Middle Wife comes along. Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!! Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

A floating gazebo (picture)... [2008-01-21]
The man hasn't lived who would not be proud to be related to this genius. FLOATING GAZEBO I was going to build the Gazebo on the edge of my dock down by the lake but I thought ..I might just as well build the deck with floats on it and I can then take it out fishing too. Has 15,000# capacity. The deck is 18ft x 18ft with 12 plastic foam filled dock floats that are 4ft x 4ft by 18 inch. high. and the Gazebo is 10 ft. Hexagon with a table and chairs inside. Under the table is my trolling motor so I can take it out to my favorite fishing hole. The trolling motor is remote controlled wireless so I can be fishing outside and operate the motor. On the top of the table I have a LOWRANCE Fish-Finder with depth sounding sonars and temp gauge. I have 2 electric winches with 40# anchors. I have also built in a water pump so I can clean the fish right on the spot. Now I can relax and fish while my wife can sit and relax.

Grandparents! (with pictures) Something nice! [2008-01-20]
GRANDPARENTS Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. ~Author Unknown What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret Grandmothers are just 'antique' little girls. ~Author Unknown Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~Welsh Proverb A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television. ~Author Unknown Never have children, only grandchildren. ~Gore Vidal Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. ~Pam Brown Grandchildren don't stay young forever, which is good because Grandfathers have only so many horsey rides in them. ~Gene Perret When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. ~Ogden Nash Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. ~ Marcy DeMaree Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies.. ~Author unknown Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. ~Author Unknown If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first. ~Lois Wyse My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. ~Gene Perret If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is no fun for old people like it! ~ Hannah Whithall Smith It's such a grand thing to be a mother of a mother - that's why the world calls her grandmother. ~Author Unknown Grandchildren are nature�s way of compensating us for growing old. ~Mary H. Waldrip You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. ~Proverb An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. ~Gene Perret The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida . ~Dave Barry I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for self-defense. ~Gene Perret Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. ~Author Unknown Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children. ~Alex Haley Grandmother - a wonderful mother with lots of practice. ~Author Unknown A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. ~Author Unknown One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. ~Joy Hargrove It's amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one. ~Author Unknown If your baby is 'beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time,' you're the grandma. ~Teresa Bloomingdale Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren. ~Author Unknown What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are nature�s gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate. ~Bill Cosby Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. ~G. Norman Collie

How in th eneck did you find that?! Awesome! :-D [2007-12-30]
I am a HUGE arachnophobe yet at the same time am fascinated by spiders and everysummer I find a spider, just like the ones in the video, and deem it my 'therapy spider' in the hopes of overcoming my fears. Never works, but this little documentary gave me an inside peek at a side oftheir lives I never knew existed!

Ouch! Can barely touch my toes! [2007-12-29]
Don't look at this web site if you are easily offended. I sometimes have a weird sense of humor that may not be appreciated by everyone. I just found these jokes on the previous web site that I posted bout the yacht. You've got to see the lady bent in half doing keyboarding!! I'll bet this is how all of you feel after the companies you work for get done with you!! Ouch! Can barely touch my toes! http://www.ssqq.com/jokes/jokepicture.htm

Ouch! Can barely touch my toes! [2007-12-29]
Don't look at this web site if you are easily offended. I sometimes have a weird sense of humor that may not be appreciated by everyone. I just found these jokes on the previous web site that I posted bout the yacht. You've got to see the lady bent in half doing keyboarding!! I'll bet this is how all of you feel after the companies you work for get done with you!! Especially after you lose pay. Ouch! Can barely touch my toes! http://www.ssqq.com/jokes/jokepicture.htm

A child's view of the world.... [2007-12-07]
Subject:A child's view of the world......- She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye! My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, Did you start at 1? After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, Who was THAT? A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods. The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner! My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike? I mentally polished my halo while I asked, No, how are we alike? You're both old, he replied. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. What's it about? he asked. I don't know, she replied. I can't read. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself! When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, I'm not sure. Look in your underwear, Grandpa, he advised. mine says I'm four to six. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today. The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. That's interesting, she said, how do you make babies? It's simple, replied the girl. You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'. Children's Logic: Give me a sentence about a public servant, said a teacher. The small boy wrote: The fireman came down the ladder pregnant. The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. Don't you know what pregnant means? she asked. Sure, said the young boy confidently. It means carrying a child. A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. They use him to keep crowds back, said one child. No, said another, he's just for good luck. A third child brought the argument to a close. They use the dogs, she said firmly, to find the fire hydrants..

In Honor of Not Very Smart People... [2007-12-05]
In Honour of Not Very Smart People . . . In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through nonsmartness (the S***** word is a bad word), here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods ....... On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- Do not turn upside down. (well...duh, a bit late, huh!) ========================== On Sainsbury's peanuts -- Warning: contains nuts. (talk about a news flash) =========================== On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.) ========================== On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding -- Product will be hot after heating. (...and you thought????...) ======================= On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.) ==================================== On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) =========================== On a bar of Dial soap -- Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be???....) ============================ On some Swanson frozen dinners -- Serving suggestion: Defrost. (but, it's just a suggestion.) ======================== On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- Do not iron clothes on body. (but wouldn't this save me time?) ============================== On Nytol Sleep Aid -- Warning: May cause drowsiness. (..I'm taking this because???....) ============================== On most brands of Christmas lights -- For indoor or outdoor use only. (as opposed to what?) ========================== On a Japanese food processor -- Not to be used for the other use. (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) ============================== On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts. (Step 3: say what?) =========================== On a child's Superman costume -- Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) ======================== On a Swedish chainsaw -- Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) =========================== Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even chuckle)...

See inside of a plane's cockpit! [2007-11-18]
Probably need to copy and paste... If you click on an airplane, then it shows the inside of a cockpit. Not afunny...just interesting! http://www.codeonemagazine.com/test/archives/2007/articles/jan_07/cockpits/cockpits.html

Five Surgeons [2007-11-17]
Five Surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.The first surgeon, from New York, says, I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered. The second, from Chicago, responds, Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded. The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, No, I really think Librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order. The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: You know, I like construction workers......those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC, shut them all up when he observed: You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.......there's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the butt are interchangeable.