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Private Parts [2008-03-28]
MY Private Parts DIEDAn old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy,she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his PrivatePart hanging out of his pajamas.He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking downthe hall like that.Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.''But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday thatmy Private Part died.'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out ofyour pajamas?'(You've gotta love this ....)'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'IF YOU ARE NOT LAUGHING SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU
Good Friday funny! [2008-07-18]
Five surgeons were discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered. The second responds, Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.The third surgeon says, No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order. The fourth surgeon chimes in: You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer and costs more than you said it would. But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.
Private Parts [2008-03-28]
MY Private Parts DIEDAn old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy,she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his PrivatePart hanging out of his pajamas.He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking downthe hall like that.Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.''But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday thatmy Private Part died.'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out ofyour pajamas?'(You've gotta love this ....)'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'IF YOU ARE NOT LAUGHING SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU
Kid's Science Test Answers... [2008-02-27]
If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!) A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does varicose mean? (I do love this one...) A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term Caesarian Section. A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome Q: What does the word benign mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Bed farts [2008-01-25]
IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE ANDTHE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T.STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTSSOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD..ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER.HE SAID, HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT. ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU.WHAT DO YOU MEAN? ASKED HIS WIFE.WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.
Politically correct Christmas [2007-12-08]
Christmas Party Announcement* *FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director* *TO: All Employees* *DATE: November 8, 2006* *RE: Christmas Party*I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 22, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should cost more than $10.00 to make it easier for everyone's pockets. Our CEO will make a special announcement. This gathering is for employees only!Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty*FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director* *TO: All Employees* *DATE: November 10, 2006* *RE: Holiday Party*In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah's is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our Holiday Party. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no presents. No Christmas carol sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.Happy now???Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty*FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director* *TO: All Employees* *DATE: November 13, 2006* *RE: Holiday Party*Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, AA Only; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.How am I supposed to handle this?Somebody?Forget about the gifts exchange; no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little too chintzy.NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.Patty*FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director* *TO: All Employees* *DATE: November 14, 2006* *RE: Holiday Party*What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during the daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take home in a little foil doggy baggy.Will that work?Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the Gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed, though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food - we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruit as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply No Sugar desserts. Sorry!Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty*FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director* *TO: All F---king Employees* *DATE: November 15, 2006* *RE: the F---king Holiday Party*Vegetarian pukes - I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the grill of death, as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your stinking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right NOW!I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die!!!The B..... from HADES!!!!!!!!*FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director* *TO: All Employees* *DATE: November 16, 2006* *RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party*I'm sure I speak for all of us wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery in the unit and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel the Holiday Party.Happy Holidays! Joan THE SENILITY PRAYER Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Five Surgeons [2007-11-17]
Five Surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.The first surgeon, from New York, says, I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered. The second, from Chicago, responds, Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded. The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, No, I really think Librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order. The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: You know, I like construction workers......those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC, shut them all up when he observed: You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.......there's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the butt are interchangeable.
Who's in charge? sm [2007-11-13]
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying todecide who was the one in charge.I should be in charge, said the brain , Because I run all thebody's systems, so without me nothing would happen. I should be in charge, said the blood , Because I circulateoxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away.I should be in charge, said the stomach, Because I processfood and give all of you energy. I should be in charge, said the legs , because I carry thebody wherever it needs to go.I should be in charge, said the eyes, Because I allow the bodyto see where it goes I should be in charge, said the rectum, Because I'mresponsible for waste removal. All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him,so in a huff, he shut down tight.Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomachwas bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood wastoxic . They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.The Moral of the story?
The a**hole is usually in charge.
PC frustrations?? try this!! sm [2007-10-23]
http://hotduels.com/index.php/game/2467/Beat-Up-Pc/
Scroll down, click play, then use your mouse to click on the various computer parts. The faster you click the computer part the better the result..)))
Affairs... [2007-10-23]
The 1st Affair A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. Where have you been? his wife demanded. I can't lie to you, he replied, I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon. She looked down at his shoes and said: You lying b******! You've been playing golf! The 2nd Affair A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: There's no way I can be the father of this baby.Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back? The wife smiled sweetly and replied: Not this time! The 3rd Affair A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz, the mortician commented, I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity. So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. I have something to show you won't believe, he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. My God! the wife exclaimed, Schwartz is dead! The 4th Affair A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. Hurry, she said, stand in the corner. She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. Don't move until I tell you, she said, pretend you're a statue. What's this? the husband inquired as he entered the room. Oh it's a statue, she replied, the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too. No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 am the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. Here, he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing. The 5th Affair A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent. One Cent? the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked:How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine? A nickel, the barman replied. A nickel? exclaimed the man. Where's the guy who owns this place? The bartender replied: Upstairs, with my wife. The man asked: What's he doing upstairs with your wife? The bartender replied: The same thing I'm doing to his business down here. The 6th Affair Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: I have something I must confess. There's no need to, his wife replied. No, he insisted, I want to die in peace.I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother! I know, she replied, now just rest and let the poison work.
HMO [2007-05-14]
St. Peter was standing outside the gates of heaven when three men appeared, all of them doctors. Peter looked at the first one and asked, ''What have you done in your life to deserve admittance into heaven?''
''I was an oncologist—I helped many cancer patients and saved many lives,'' the man answered.
''Very well,'' said St. Peter. ''You may enter...''
Peter looked at the second man and asked, ''What have you done in your life to deserve admittance into heaven?''
''I was a clinical pediatrician—I helped many poor kids who could not afford private care,'' said the second man.
''Very well,'' said St. Peter. ''You may enter...''
Peter then turned to the third man and asked, ''And what have YOU done in your life to deserve admittance into heaven?''
''I was the director of a large HMO company in the United States,'' the third man said proudly.
St. Peter paused and looked in his book for a few minutes. After a while, he looked up and said to the third man, ''Well, you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but you may only stay for three days....''
Five surgeons are talkin' [2007-05-02]
Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.
The first surgeon says: I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.
The second responds: Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded.
The third surgeon says: No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.
The fourth surgeon chimes in: You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.
The fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.
Adult words taken literally by children... [2007-02-26]
For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love thethings little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often takenliterally.....Circumcised
(this is priceless!)A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class wassquirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.She went back to find out what was going on.He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was totelephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.He did and returned to his class.Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his deskwith his private part hanging out. I thought I told you to call your mom! she said.
I did, he said, And she told me that if I could stick it out tillnoon, she'd come and pick me up from school.
Your normal holiday party these days and times..... [2006-12-16]
*Christmas Party Announcement* *FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director* *TO: All Employees* *DATE: November 8, 2006* *RE: Christmas Party*I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 22, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should cost more than $10.00 to make it easier for everyone's pockets. Our CEO will make a special announcement. This gathering is for employees only!Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty*FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director* *TO: All Employees* *DATE: November 10, 2006* *RE: Holiday Party*In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah's is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our Holiday Party. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no presents. No Christmas carol sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.Happy now???Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty*FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director* *TO: All Employees* *DATE: November 13, 2006* *RE: Holiday Party*Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, AA Only; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.How am I supposed to handle this?Somebody?Forget about the gifts exchange; no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little too chintzy.NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.Patty*FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director* *TO: All Employees* *DATE: November 14, 2006* *RE: Holiday Party*What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during the daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take home in a little foil doggy baggy.Will that work?Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the Gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed, though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food - we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruit as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply No Sugar desserts. Sorry!Did I miss anything?!?!? Patty*FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director* *TO: All F---king Employees* *DATE: November 15, 2006* *RE: the F---king Holiday Party*Vegetarian pukes - I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the grill of death, as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your stinking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right NOW!I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die!!!The B.....from H.....!!!!!!!*FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director* *TO: All Employees* *DATE: November 16, 2006* *RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party*I'm sure I speak for all of us wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery in the unit and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel the Holiday Party.Happy Holidays! Joan THE SENILITY PRAYER Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Oil Change [2006-12-06]
Something funny for all of us !!!!!!
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN:1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles sincethe last oil change.2) Drink a cup of coffee.3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properlymaintained vehicle.Money spent:Oil Change $20.00Coffee $1.00Total $21.00
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN:1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy acase of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a checkfor $50.00.2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20,drive home.3) Open a beer and drink it.4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.7) Place drain pan under engine.8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.9) Give up and use crescent wrench.10) Unscrew drain plug.11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you inprocess. Cuss.12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oilfilter and twist off.16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oileverywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trashcan to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oilto gasket surface.18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.19) Remember drain plug from step 11.20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.21) Drink beer.22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.Throw kitty litter on oil spill.23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes withoily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with dumbcrescent wrenchtightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skinbetween knuckles and frame.25) Begin cussing fit.26) Throw dumb crescent wrench.27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowlingtrophy.28) Beer.29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.30) Beer.31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.32) Beer.33) Lower car from jack stands.34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilledduring any missed steps.35) Beer.36) Test drive car.37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.38) Car gets impounded.39) Call loving wife, make bail.40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.Money spent:Parts $50.00DUI $2500.00Impound fee $75.00Bail $1500.00Beer $20.00Total -- $4,145.00But you know the job was done right!
Another daughter's view [2006-07-24]
My daughter is 14, saw a Cialis commercial. When they said it was good for 36 hours, she thought that meant the man has an erection for 36 hours! Thank God she talks to me and I could clear that up! What is this world coming to, with commercials for Cialis, condoms, Vagisil - - - Isn't anything private anymore?
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