Counseling with pastor

Counseling with pastor? [2008-04-01]
There is a fine line between constant criticism and verbal abuse. I don For girls, you don For boys, you don I think it's great that you are about to start MT training and wish you all the best. If you want to make things work with your husband, it seems like you may benefit from an objective third party. Your pastor This may be a good source to have someone to go to couples therapy with, especially if cost would be an issue which it sounds like with your husband. I would also sit and discuss your finances with your husband at some point. Not having access to household funds except through him is not responsible. If he were to have an accident and get laid up for awhile, how would you pay the bills? Just some things to think about.

I am going to urge you to get counseling soon. [2008-03-30]
Please don't take this the wrong way, but there are a number of things you have said in your posts that indicate you would benefit from speaking with a counselor. Especially, where you say that you have improved and then speak about not complaining ever and being very forgiving. You need to take care of yourself. There should be services that are either free or prorated in your area. Also, you cannot make any relationship better by being the only one willing to change, especially when those changes are superficial.

first step [2008-06-14]
Brooke: I want to commend you on going to church and the strides you are making to show a good example. But that may not be quite enough. It sounds as if your husband has an inkling that he needs to make some changes . However, I do still think that the suggestion for martial counseling with your pastor is important. From some of you have said it does sound like there are a few more seriuos issues than him simply taking you for granted. You make it sound as if he is controlling all the fiances and your behavior and actions through that. Now I understand being frugal but you stated he can spend what he wants but you afraid to even ask for 20 dollars to joint a Momgood now. But remember, again you are to be viewed in terms of good or bad or imply you deserve certain treatment do to past mistakes. In the end you shoudl provide for your future. I think every woman does need a saftey plan for financial security. Working part-time would provide you money to buy some things for yourself and also to join group. You need social support. Right now you are essentially isolated other than your husband and family. What about joinign a MOPS group through church? I am not sure, but dont' think there is a charge. You need a group of supportive peole other than your husband. Keep going to church - maybe your husband might get into the men's minsitry. This could serve two-fold. He could see and model from Chrisian men how they interact aand also how they treat their wives. It would also give him a social outlet. The two of you going out without kids is also good. remember so a combinatin of things. One thing (such as date night or occasional church service) isn't going to work. Pray together. Have yourchurch family pray for you. I undersatnd divorce is not an option. I salute your committment to your marriage but your husband has to be as committed. It cannot just be about YOU making changes. So pray for his change of heart and try to actively involve him. YOu must communicate with him. Not yell, no walk on egg shells. If you are afraid to talke to him why? Has he been abusive/ Were you abused in the past by someone? AGain if this the case you need immediate intervention. Bottom line God asks men to love their wives but he did not say control their wives or belittle their wives. Women should suport and love their husbands as head of household but not be afraid of them or cower to them....

May I suggest as well [2008-05-01]
that you seek marriage counseling, AND fast. My 10 year marriage ended in 2006 because of the same situation, EXCEPT I was working full-time at home with 2 children a home as well and still was expected and told to do EVERYTHING...... Good Luck!!

Counseling with pastor? [2008-04-01]
There is a fine line between constant criticism and verbal abuse. I don For girls, you don For boys, you don I think it's great that you are about to start MT training and wish you all the best. If you want to make things work with your husband, it seems like you may benefit from an objective third party. Your pastor This may be a good source to have someone to go to couples therapy with, especially if cost would be an issue which it sounds like with your husband. I would also sit and discuss your finances with your husband at some point. Not having access to household funds except through him is not responsible. If he were to have an accident and get laid up for awhile, how would you pay the bills? Just some things to think about.

update [2008-03-31]
thank you all for your encouragement and advice. we haven't been going to church regularly lately and i've realized maybe we need it, so i packed the kids up and we went to church (he came too, usually i get up and get the kids ready and tell him an hour before i leave that if he's not ready by then i'm leaving without him -- he sleeps in on weekends, as i said before). so we go to church and guess what the sermon is about... marital disharmony. our pastor listed some things that cause disharmony and one of them was unrealistic expectations. i listed mine as expecting him to be home more often to spend more time with us. he asked if i wanted us to spend more time together, and i said yes. so he convinced his mom to take the girls and then took me out to dinner, and told me he would try to do something with me once a week. another thing the pastor said was not to criticize differences, to embrace them and celebrate them. he didn't make any comments about it but i'm hoping if he paid attention to the expectations part that maybe he paid attention to this too. i've told him before that i can't take constant criticism, it breaks me down and makes me feel worthless. i do realize keeping my mouth shut for the sake of peace and quiet isn't going to get us anywhere. one day it's all going to add up and i'm not going to know what i'm doing here anymore. if he can keep making little steps like he did yesterday, then i can keep setting an example and look forward to his slow maturity. i do have some childhood banks my mom gave me recently, filled with coins -- i'm going to take them in to be counted asap.

I love my husband because he agreed to [2006-07-14]
marriage counseling so we can actually deal with a bunch of crap we've been through and repair the hurts and figure out how to make our marriage better. I also love him because he works hard, goes to school, cooks, works hard to make the house look nice (well, the OUTSIDE of it anyhow. He doesn't do housework), and because he cared for my Dad so wonderfully when he needed him to.