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SAHM/WAHM and fairness, respect [2008-03-29]
I wouldn't call my position as a current SAHM terribly difficult. My toddler, while quite rowdy and misbehaved some days, is fairly content to entertain herself while I do housework. My newborn is a quiet one. My house is small and cleans rather quickly. There is a place for mostly everything, so there's not much clutter aside from my daughter's toys which migrate from her room to every other room in the house. I have to do laundry at my mother in law's because we don't have a washer/dryer, so my kids get to visit with their nana and papa while I wash the clothes. We have a fenced-in yard and there is a park two steps from my house so I don't have to pack the kids in the car to take them someplace to play. Some days I finish the housework so fast that I'm bored unless I'm creative and can find something for me and my toddler to do together (which is what I should be doing anyway).
However, I do absolutely everything around my home, including on the weekends. My husband seems to think that because he works outside the home, he shouldnjust another bill. I take the girls to their wellness appointments. I change out the garbages. I keep up the garage and the yard. I check the mail.
He puts our toddler to bed most nights because I'm nursing our newborn, but since he works late often I've been able to practice putting her to bed quickly enough so my newborn doesn't interrupt us by crying. He takes the garbage to the curb (most of the time). He's put the dishes away a handful of times. If I ask to go somewhere for some time alone, he'll watch our toddler for an hour or two (I don't ask for this often, but maybe I should?).
He spends whatever he wants on computer games and fast food... I get nothing to spend on myself or the kids unless it's an absolute necessity.
When I worked part time and was pregnant, I did everything. When I gave birth, he was forced to learn how to put our toddler to bed, so that's why he does that now. I try to sleep in but I can't with a toddler loose in the house and a hungry newborn. I'm feeling pretty run-down and lethargic lately, cooped up and lonely, insignificant and like I can't get anywhere. I'm about to start MT training and of course will still be expected to do everything around the house without any help and without any forgiveness should I miss something. I'm worried that even once I start working full time and the kids are in daycare, he's not going to lift a finger to help me out -- I'll have even less time after work to do all the chores on top of caring for the kids. I'm not looking forward to the arguments that will ensue if I fail to do the dishes one day or let the livingroom get a little cluttered.
HeI better take care of that quick before he sees it as opposed to hey look there. one time when I was pregnant and started a valid argument with him about another topic, he resorted to pointing out my lack of housekeeping skills (which had nothing to do with the subject) in order to throw me off and upset me. I want to contribute to our household because we've been living off his income alone since January, but I feel that even working full time won't make him appreciate what I do for our children and our household. I am not ungrateful that he is our only income currently, but the only reason for this is because I just gave birth. Had I not done that, I would still be working right now, but there would still be an inequality in our relationship, and I don't know how much more I can take before I just shut down and shut him out completely. Any confrontation about how I feel leads to a shouting match and finger-pointing, so I just don't say anything at all. We just got married in October and I already see it going downhill if this continues.
Any advice? How can I put it to him that I'm his wife and the mother of his children, not his 24-hour maid? That even though I'm not working, I still deserve respect and time to myself and a little money to spend on what I want? That when I am working, we need to split the chores because it's not just my house, it's his too? Or should I just repeat this whole last paragraph?
Boys attitudes and respect [2007-08-12]
I have 2 boys, 14 and 10. Their attitudes are driving me nuts. When I try to show them how to do something it is lecturing, I ask too many questions, they backtalk and don My husband and I try to set good examples. Any suggestions or book recommendations on raising boys??
Honestly, that is very hard to predict, but in all fairness I can tell [2007-02-12]
you it will not be anywhere near $30K for quite some time, especially working on production. Because you have a medical background might give you a little edge, but there is so much to learn and so much to train your ear to hear, and let's not mention the stay-at-home mom inconveniences.
SAHM/WAHM and fairness, respect [2008-03-29]
I wouldn't call my position as a current SAHM terribly difficult. My toddler, while quite rowdy and misbehaved some days, is fairly content to entertain herself while I do housework. My newborn is a quiet one. My house is small and cleans rather quickly. There is a place for mostly everything, so there's not much clutter aside from my daughter's toys which migrate from her room to every other room in the house. I have to do laundry at my mother in law's because we don't have a washer/dryer, so my kids get to visit with their nana and papa while I wash the clothes. We have a fenced-in yard and there is a park two steps from my house so I don't have to pack the kids in the car to take them someplace to play. Some days I finish the housework so fast that I'm bored unless I'm creative and can find something for me and my toddler to do together (which is what I should be doing anyway).
However, I do absolutely everything around my home, including on the weekends. My husband seems to think that because he works outside the home, he shouldnjust another bill. I take the girls to their wellness appointments. I change out the garbages. I keep up the garage and the yard. I check the mail.
He puts our toddler to bed most nights because I'm nursing our newborn, but since he works late often I've been able to practice putting her to bed quickly enough so my newborn doesn't interrupt us by crying. He takes the garbage to the curb (most of the time). He's put the dishes away a handful of times. If I ask to go somewhere for some time alone, he'll watch our toddler for an hour or two (I don't ask for this often, but maybe I should?).
He spends whatever he wants on computer games and fast food... I get nothing to spend on myself or the kids unless it's an absolute necessity.
When I worked part time and was pregnant, I did everything. When I gave birth, he was forced to learn how to put our toddler to bed, so that's why he does that now. I try to sleep in but I can't with a toddler loose in the house and a hungry newborn. I'm feeling pretty run-down and lethargic lately, cooped up and lonely, insignificant and like I can't get anywhere. I'm about to start MT training and of course will still be expected to do everything around the house without any help and without any forgiveness should I miss something. I'm worried that even once I start working full time and the kids are in daycare, he's not going to lift a finger to help me out -- I'll have even less time after work to do all the chores on top of caring for the kids. I'm not looking forward to the arguments that will ensue if I fail to do the dishes one day or let the livingroom get a little cluttered.
HeI better take care of that quick before he sees it as opposed to hey look there. one time when I was pregnant and started a valid argument with him about another topic, he resorted to pointing out my lack of housekeeping skills (which had nothing to do with the subject) in order to throw me off and upset me. I want to contribute to our household because we've been living off his income alone since January, but I feel that even working full time won't make him appreciate what I do for our children and our household. I am not ungrateful that he is our only income currently, but the only reason for this is because I just gave birth. Had I not done that, I would still be working right now, but there would still be an inequality in our relationship, and I don't know how much more I can take before I just shut down and shut him out completely. Any confrontation about how I feel leads to a shouting match and finger-pointing, so I just don't say anything at all. We just got married in October and I already see it going downhill if this continues.
Any advice? How can I put it to him that I'm his wife and the mother of his children, not his 24-hour maid? That even though I'm not working, I still deserve respect and time to myself and a little money to spend on what I want? That when I am working, we need to split the chores because it's not just my house, it's his too? Or should I just repeat this whole last paragraph?
Names and life [2008-01-15]
Remember the studies about the treatment of, potential for success and likeability of people based upon their names? Take that into consideration. I am sure there are articles on the net about it. I only have one strangely named child and that was because I promised a friend I would not name her Kay, which was her name that she did not like, which I was planning to do. I still wanted to name her after this person because of the respect we felt toward her and the fact that her name sounded like such a happy name as was the person herself. We named the baby Kayce instead. Close, but not exactly the same. Could you try stuff like that with other names you like? I really do like the name Mya Avery. My daughters have a friend with a child named Justice, but she spells it Justys. I don't care for the name, but the child herself is lovely. I too have my all-time favorite names and two of those are Katherine and Alexis for girls, and two for boys are John Michael and Ryan Allen. Another friend of my girls has a daugther named Madison and she is as lovely as is her name. If I ever get a granddaughter my daughter plan to name her Deanna Katherine. I hope she arrives soon because though I love all the boys, I would dearly love to buy a Christmas dress for a girl and a little fur muff and mittens. Those little red Mary Janes are nice too! Good luck and whatever you name the new baby I hope you enjoy her or him.
after reading some of these posts [2007-11-23]
I don I I I don Daycare is over $700/month, plus rent, utilities, car payment, gas, food, insurance, etc.
Set up play stations for your little ones. For example, my dining room table is only a few feet away from my desk. When she is home, I set her up with Play-Dough, which she will enjoy for about 45 minutes. I put a CD player on the table and she listens to kid music and sings along. When she is done with that, I will tape down wrapping paper, put a big shirt on her and let her finger paint for 30 minutes. All of this is quick clean up stuff. I keep a sand box on my covered porch, also not far from my desk and she will spend an hourplaying in the sand, followed by a 1/2 hour bath. I also keep videos with a lot of music and dancing for exercise time. For real rock and roll time, I put on fast music in my bedroom and let her jump around all over my king size bed :)
I make over $40k a year when she is in full-time daycare, and only $32K when she is at home...but we are making it and I I love it when she comes over to give me a hug while I am in the middle of the world Please use an expansion program. Try ShortHand and download their free file that has about 8000 abbreviations already in it. It only takes a few weeks to see the benefit of using it. Keep the kids busy and they will be happy and learn to respect your work time.
Best of all to you!
making money with kids home [2007-11-21]
I guess I was lucky. I was the head transcriptions/supervisor at a imaging/hospital, after having two back to back prgancnies (two months after giving birth) high risk and on disability, I lost my position. I was asked to work from home. My boys are very good and well behaved. They just grew up knowing that when I was at the computer, I was working and they were to be quiet and only interrupt me when necessary. I would put them next to me on the floor in my room and they would play. The key is to work shifts two hours at a time, throughout the day, so they got used to it. I would work in the morning, stop to get them set up with breakfast (about 1/2 hour), then work til lunch, and so on and so on. I was lucky my hospital allowed me to do so. I made anywhere between 200/300 hundrend a week. It is possible, you just need to train you children to respect your work. My 5 year old started school and my 4 year old is home with me now. It gets easier. I do find it difficult to do evenings though, the boys except more from me between 4 and bedtime. You should try working the times that you know you kids need you the least, or while they are in school. Good luck.
You definitely have your work cut out for you - sm [2006-12-06]
One of the first things Iquiet game and see who can stay quiet the longest. Use that one mainly in the car when they are wound up a bit. Mine are a bit spoiled to and one is getting quite bratty, which we are in the process of nipping. My DH is very guilty of spoiling them as he wants them to like him, etc. typical male. I do all the dirty work, but from what I can tell the kids respect and listen to me, they know they can walk all over daddy and rarely listen to him, which frustrates him to no end. I told him he dug his own hole. He is trying to dig out now, but it will take a while. Don't be afraid of being harsh with them and setting limits and sticking to them, that is the key. Make sure you follow through with an concequences you threaten. If you don't they will know they can do anything and get away with murder.
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