You're responding to him as if you are a child

You're responding to him as if you are a child [2008-06-04]
This man is your husband, not your father. Either you were brought up to think you had to had a place for everything and everything in its place or you're trying to please him WAAAY to much. If he can't accept that you have enough to do with two children and the day to day housechores, then that's his problem. Why make it yours? If you keeping acting like his maid and servant, he will continue expecting it, so, I say to you, you need to change that behavior NOW. You will forever be treated like a child if you continue to act like one. You do not need his approval. Actions speak louder than words, so if he makes a comment about something being in the wrong place, etc., just say, Yea, I see that. My husband used to do this (been married over 27 years) without really thinking how he sounded. I put an end to that when my daughter was a baby. Did I want her to grow up to be someone servant? If he ask if a certain shirt had been ironed, I informed him he had many others in his closet and if that one was an emergency, he knew where the dry cleaners was located. Feeling guilty over failure to do dishes (too tired or exhausted)or leaving something cluttered is something you have to realize isn't an emergency, and he sees you constantly jumping around pleasing him, believe me, he will take advantage of that. You sound like you are trying to justify being a mom and staying at home. I have a daughter and a niece who before they were married, I certainly never left it a mystery as to my feelings on this matter. They both work hard jobs and neither husband EXPECTS everything to be spotless or at their beckon call. They know they can easily pitch in and do it themselves or they can shut up. The girls didnperfect little wives, whatever that is. You get over it and I guarantee, he will get over it, once he comes down off his high horse.

Yeah and when child becomes adult can change [2008-01-19]
x

I'm convinced think you're gonna have a girl this time...sm [2008-01-19]
Spoke to my sister last evening about the name game and she came up with Olivia, Vivian (whichis also spelled Vivien,Vivienne,Vivyan, Vyvyan), Patricia/Patrice, Chloe,Madeline, Frances/Francine....You could also run the gamut of gem names, ie: Pearl, Ruby, Sapphire, Diamond/Diamonte,orflowers---Rose/Rosa, Lily, Iris, Heather---themonths --June, April/Avril, May/Mae/Mai....Perhaps pick your grandmotherin her honor... At this point, your head is probably spinning with everyone Keep us posted! Enquiring mindsneed to know! Cat

We shared child care...I worked days, he worked nights...sm [2008-01-18]
It wasn We discussed it before we had kids. Funniesttime was when he tooktheboysfishing... 2yo kidcaught a big fish and got pulled into theriver, hubby jumped in, scopped him up,and the baby (8mo) was sitting in the carseat on the bank with a stick making believe fishing.....I was at work and heard about this afterward.... Sledding with the boys in the north was a trip! We climbed trees, did Iron Kids triathalon, took hikes, lived at the library and museum (all free activities). You maywanna suggest to your hubby that hemight enjoy spending time with his kids while they It goes by in the blink of an eye, believe me. Cat

You're welcome. [2007-11-19]
Nm

Insist that your hubs takes over child care once he's home so [2007-08-08]
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Child care and a housekeeper!!! (sm) [2007-06-25]
Your own children still need you too and these others are going to consume your time. Ithink you need to either stop working for a while or keep working and put the children in a nice day care with that money.Then when they are home from day care you will have a little more energy to take care of them and your work will be done. You cannot possibly work full-time at home with all those children, especially the really young ones there. Your biggest risk is that your own children will become resentful. I would use that money for child care and a housekeeper. You are going to have your hands really, really full. Best wishes to you!!

Sounds just like me when I was a child. [2007-04-04]
I had a twin sister in the same room and everything. I remember one time I felt like ants were in my bed. My parents did not indulge my anxieties too much, but I did drag the cat into bed to protect me. Unfortunately, when he stretched out one paw I decided he was cuffing at ants in my bed, so he wasn't much help. I still don't like spiders, and had one crawl across my eyelashes for real one night. A couple of nights later, DH ended up with 2 spider bites on his forehead. But I digress. I would make a point to let her see you fixing the problem. I'd go around the house and use caulk and that expanding STUFF (an expanding caulk) to close up any cracks around fireplace, mantle, plumbing pipes, etc. If you live in a dry climate, you could spread diamateous earth (not the kind used for pools though) around the house. This is something that any hard-shelled bug/spider is killed by because it shreds their exoskeleton when they walk on it. But as soon as it rains it starts washing away. This stuff is harmless to pets and people except that you don't want to inhale it, so you would wear a mask while putting it out. Then you could tell her you had solved the problem of spiders/bugs getting into the house. I'd also try to help wear her out with exercise so natural relaxation can kick in at night. Good luck.

Sleeping in bed with child sm [2006-08-12]
I went through the same thing with my daughter. When she was 3 years old, I gradually got her to sleep in her own bed. I had a cassette tape with children's songs on it. We had a routine of singing the songs which was fun for both of us and also it made her sleepy. It also made her relax, and eventually she wasn't scared to sleep in the room by herself anymore. I would stay in the room with her until she fell asleep. Eventually, she was sleeping in her bed by herself. She was so proud of herself!

Parent/child ideas [2006-07-20]
Board games range from about age 3-adult, puzzles, cooking (since they love stirring), badminton, horseshoes (plastic for little one), and my favorite is art-coloring, drawing, painting, sculpting, etc.

Child waking in the night [2006-07-12]
In regards to your 2yo waking up at night, do you go to her? I noticed there was another post below suggesting you let her cry it out. My son who is now a 2yo sleeps through the night, but at about 13 or 14 months he was waking up. I let him cry himself back to sleep and it only took less than a week to figure out that he was okay and that I wasn't coming. I know it's hard at first, but it will be best for all of you in the long run. Best of luck to you!

Trying for a second child...sm [2006-07-11]
Any advice would be welcome - we have a 4-year-old we conceived after four years of trying and one miscarriage. Now we've been trying again for another one for two years, and no luck. I was hoping this time around wouldn't be so difficult.

I did it - it is possible! [2008-11-05]
I started working from home when my son was just almost 2-1/2. Before that, I worked at a hospital and he was shifted from babysitter to grandma to daddy four days a week. I know you said you canmommy sitter. That's where a child (they say ideal is 8-12 years old) comes to play and entertain the children while mommy has something else she needs to get done in the house (or take a bubble bath!). It wouldn't cost much to pay a child so young and the child's parent would be reassured by your presence. Plus, a child that age with no younger sibling might truly enjoy playing with a 1-year-old. That might work until your husband comes home. Keep working at it. Sometimes it just takes a while to adjust and kids go thru periods of straining at the confines of a schedule. Work at figuring out a schedule until you find one that works. You CAN do it! And it's worth it!!

Doing both daily... [2008-11-05]
Don't know how old your child(ren) is/are, but my son is 9 and I finally found a program that makes my job as teacher much easier. I'm using Switched-On Schoolhouse (from Alpha Omega Publications) this year for three subjects. That means my son can be working on his schoolwork on the computer while I'm doing transcription work on another computer. He occasionally has a question or needs help, but this rarely takes more than 2-5 minutes and is often just needing a clarification on a question. You have to be really creative in your approach, and I get up really early to start work before he's awake. He gets up, reads his devotional, does his chores (animal care) and usually makes his own breakfast (it's usually microwaved oatmeal or cereal, but he's learning how to cook eggs), then gets started on schoolwork. Don't get me wrong - I don't ignore him the whole time and we do take a few minutes together when he gets up, even though I'm supposed to be working. It'll take some time, but you'll fall into a routine. It may not be perfect, but it'll do until you figure out a better way. Hang in there!

Yes...takes some strong will though!! sm [2008-10-28]
I have 5 childen at home of ages 2, 4, 13, 14, and 16. I have been doing transcription their entire lives. Your best bet, if you do not need the insurance, is to work on a part-time basis and go from there. Try the minimum number of hours and see how it works. Usually you can start adding hours. Being part time also relieves a lot of the stress and pressure we put on ourselves to achieve full-time status. It gives you the option to work 4 hours or more each day, but at least you know if you got your 4 hours in you will not lose your job! Most companies will gladly have you work extra hours if you ask. I always keep the little one contained close by. I gate off or close/lock doors to keep them contained nearby. I try to work facing whatever direction they are playing in. I try to find activities etc that keep them occupied. I cannot tell you how entertaining a roll of tape is for a child. They will go around taping up everything, including themselves, but provides a long period of entertainment and thus an uninterrupted time to work. If you want to do it, you can. Good luck! Email me at jerrilynoliver@yahoo.com if you want to talk more.

I did both too. sm [2008-09-21]
I homeschooled my oldest child for 2nd, 3rd, and 6th grade while working as a medical transcriptionist. For his 2nd and 3rd grade, I set him up a workspace right in my office, so that I could instruct, assign work, monitor, and support. We then would go once a week to the district and he would test. Needless to say, he did wonderfully. It became more difficult however for myself trying to take my youngest at the time to school and pick up, work, go to school myself, teach, and take care of home and family. I was going through some personal issues with my hubby at the time and the stress was just too much for me. I did it again when he was in 6th grade. If you have the will and the self discipline, it is great! Good luck!

Wow. [2008-09-20]
I'm finding out that it is a LOT more work than I thought it would be. I commend you on making it work! We're coming to some realizations and making some changes starting Monday morning. I am thankful for some guidance from a veteran homeschooling mom and from encouragement of others. Thanks for the response!

Teenage neighbor problem [2008-08-29]
I am a WAHM of a 14 YOG. I live in an upstairs flat. Downstairs is a single father of a 15 YOG. My daughter goes to regular school. The teenager downstairs does cyberschool. The problem: Her dad goes to work all day and of course she is left home alone. Her laptop is on a wireless router that gets signal throughout the house. She does her schoolwork everywhere, at all hours of the day and night, including at my house while I am trying to work!! Her father thinks its great that she can just go upstairs and I can help her with her work anytime. I live in such close quarters I don If this family lived a couple of houses down, it may be different. I have my own child I need to worry about with schoolwork and quite honestly, I think he should be the one helping his own child, not me. Any advice?

No regrets however my kids are now older (sm) [2008-08-04]
so I I liked being available for them (still do) during school holidays, summer time, those days when they're sick, etc. and wouldn't have traded it for the world. I don What I like best about doing this from home is the flexibility I have to schedule doctor's appointments, manicures, etc. Good luck!

I totally agree... [2008-07-22]
This is what I would do: In the morning either before or after your sleep time, go ahead and get a shower and get dressed even if that is in sweats or comfortable clothes. Wear these same clothes to cook dinner and into your shift. I think the problem is that you're working 3rd shift and I think that is the cause of the PJ situation. I read a book that my 8-year-old wrote around Motherpajamas. I had not really looked at it that way, but I guess she does see me in lounge clothes moreso than everyday clothes. I also work full-time at home, but not third shift. You may also want to consider getting involved in something even if it is a painting class or something you like to do. I know this costs money, but your sanity will be saved in the long run. I am fortunate enough to have gotten involved with some of the parents from my kids Even though it is not over and beyond socializing, it is something, i.e., coffee for an hour on a weekday. It is very, very easy to get homebound in this profession. I cringe at the thought of going out on a Friday night with all of the traffic. I am only 37, this is not right. So, I am also letting you know that you are not alone. Hang in there, and like the other poster says get a haircut. Plan a dinner out if possible with your teens and make it a point to step outside a few times during the evening just to gulp some fresh air. I water the flowers. Is there something that needs done outside that you could do this? Hugs to you...

I am in shock. Are you living in 2008 or [2008-06-25]
1958. Is this real? Every able body in the household should contribute. You do work. You just do it at home. You need to take some time out for yourself and decide if the verbal abuse is worth the trouble. You must remember your children will see and hear how he treats you and this is abuse to them also. Don't you think you are worth so much more? You must think of your children and your mental well being. I refused to live this way years ago and my two daughters and I did just fine and with no child support. I raised two wonderful women, now 24 and 30, and both college graduates.

IMO.....take the paid job. [2008-06-23]
For someone who has no other option, an internship may have to do. Otherwise, they're just keeping a hand in your pocket.

You're responding to him as if you are a child [2008-06-04]
This man is your husband, not your father. Either you were brought up to think you had to had a place for everything and everything in its place or you're trying to please him WAAAY to much. If he can't accept that you have enough to do with two children and the day to day housechores, then that's his problem. Why make it yours? If you keeping acting like his maid and servant, he will continue expecting it, so, I say to you, you need to change that behavior NOW. You will forever be treated like a child if you continue to act like one. You do not need his approval. Actions speak louder than words, so if he makes a comment about something being in the wrong place, etc., just say, Yea, I see that. My husband used to do this (been married over 27 years) without really thinking how he sounded. I put an end to that when my daughter was a baby. Did I want her to grow up to be someone servant? If he ask if a certain shirt had been ironed, I informed him he had many others in his closet and if that one was an emergency, he knew where the dry cleaners was located. Feeling guilty over failure to do dishes (too tired or exhausted)or leaving something cluttered is something you have to realize isn't an emergency, and he sees you constantly jumping around pleasing him, believe me, he will take advantage of that. You sound like you are trying to justify being a mom and staying at home. I have a daughter and a niece who before they were married, I certainly never left it a mystery as to my feelings on this matter. They both work hard jobs and neither husband EXPECTS everything to be spotless or at their beckon call. They know they can easily pitch in and do it themselves or they can shut up. The girls didnperfect little wives, whatever that is. You get over it and I guarantee, he will get over it, once he comes down off his high horse.

All I can say is Wow [2008-05-22]
I don't have any tips to give you, but my hats off to you. I had a c-section and a tubal ligation and I was out for my full eight weeks. I could barely move. And you're homeschooling too. Again, wow, I can't even imagine.

re: 1 year old [2008-05-21]
i don't actually think she wanted some to tell her child that. she was being sarcastic, as if you couldn't tell.

God knows when I need Him! [2008-04-01]
He definitely planted the seed in my heart that said to go to church... many times I've resisted arguing because I don't want to be angry all day, but according to what we learned Sunday, we can't control our spouse's actions, we can only control our own. Therefore, I should be the kind of person I want him to be and by my example he will be led to do the same. So, I'm going to do everything in my power to make him feel like I want him to make me feel, and do for him what I'd like him to do for me. This is a step toward progress... and I would never even consider separation or divorce, that's not in our vocabulary. Too many people throw other people away when they're unhappy instead of working on it. Now if he was a wife beater, or hurt my kids... I'd get out ASAP ha. Thankfully that is not the case.

God knows when I need Him! [2008-04-01]
He definitely planted the seed in my heart that said to go to church... many times I've resisted arguing because I don't want to be angry all day, but according to what we learned Sunday, we can't control our spouse's actions, we can only control our own. Therefore, I should be the kind of person I want him to be and by my example he will be led to do the same. So, I'm going to do everything in my power to make him feel like I want him to make me feel, and do for him what I'd like him to do for me. This is a step toward progress... and I would never even consider separation or divorce, that's not in our vocabulary. Too many people throw other people away when they're unhappy instead of working on it. Now if he was a wife beater, or hurt my kids... I'd get out ASAP ha. Thankfully that is not the case. Thank you for your encouragement!

It sounds like he was this way before you were a SAHM, [2008-03-29]
and probably was this way before you married him. You cannot do everything yourself and you should not try. (He may not even know what he needs to do to help you and is just lashing out because he is stressed too.) You need to speak with him about this, but I'll leave that advice to others that have gone through similar situations. (I am a SMBC and do do everything myself, but I also do not have anyone complaining about my choice to fingerpaint with my child instead of scrubbing the floors.) In addition, maybe you can find a group of moms to get together with and socialize while the kids play, something like a Mommy and Me that would allow you to bring both your kids. Something that would get you out of the house where your kids would be safe and you could interact with other adults. You sound isolated and stressed. Just out of curiosity, what is/was his relationship with his mother like? Is she one of the do-everything for her family moms or did she delegate responsibility to her spouse and kids?

No, you are NOT a kook! :-) [2008-02-26]
My mother named me for the meaning... my name, taken together, means pure as a lily and growing up I felt it a precious charge to keep... Giving your children a meaningful name can be your own private way to let your child know how precious they are to them. I don't expect the whole world to care what my name means... I love it that Mom thought that much of me and gave me something to live up to!

correction on You are not a kook [2008-02-26]
Giving your child a meaningful name can be your own private way to let your child know how precious they are to YOU... (not them) Please pardon the typo... Its late.

have to agree with Mom of many [2008-01-31]
I Believe me, I If a child gets away with it once they My 4-year-old used to get up around 3 a.m. and try to come into my bed but I just tuck him right back into his bed. He used to fuss and cry but he knows now that it won't work and his early morning awakenings are becoming less and less, down to once a week now. As parents we just have to be consistent right from the start and don't give in, even when we're exhausted and frustrated.

nothing new yet, I am leaning on [2008-01-27]
Mya Avery for a girl, and Ryder for a boy, no definite middle name picked for him, possibly Kingston or Kensington though. My hubby likes Mya, but really likes Peyton. I thought of Peyton Mya, but doesn Just have yet to find anything else to top that.I understandsome people choose namesfor their meaning and all, but it is not like someone is going to say,Oh, Dylan, I like thatname-- means from the water. Not ONCE in my son I think it is kooky to choose solely based on the meaning... What sounds goodto us is what is important. Any other comments??!! Thanks for re-responding!!

Since you asked... [2008-01-20]
... I like the name Mya, but why would you hang any of those other names on an innocent child? I completely understand wanting to be different. I really do, but when I read your post, I just shook my head. Reminds me of a birth announcement I saw online...someone named their beautiful baby girl Jersey.Life is tough enough....why add to it with a name that canor that makes a teacher look a her class list and ask, Is that a boy or a girl?

I didn't ask...I am not the original poster... [2008-01-19]
However, I will stand up for myself with regards to being called dumb and illiterate for spelling my child's name slightly different...I was giving my opinion on names for the original poster...I just think it ridiculous that you think lesser of people for their childrens' names...

nick names [2008-01-18]
Try to keep in mind what the child will be called as a nickname. If you like Karygan, then know that people will call her Kary (carrie) - and if you Also research the name My daughter I too like different names. Inamed my son Kaleb (pronounced Kawlib- emphasis on first syllable)Antonio but then his father and I reconciled (I did ask his dad at birth if he wanted me to name him after him and he said no, so okay then),I had to change his name at 3 months of age to Robert(lastname here)IV, no middle name

Overwhelmed! [2008-01-18]
I am a self-employed WAHM-MT. I do not have a degreeMT, was trained 10 years ago by the same client I am contracted with now. They had 4 phys. when I started and it was myself and an in-house MT. I had 1 child then, who napped 3-4 hours a day, so I worked before she woke up, during her naps, and after she went to bed. 10 years later andseveral children later, they now have 6 drs. and 3 np They no longer have an in-house MT, just myself and another WAH MT. There is more than double the work, and less workers, but unfortunately they canmath and figure that out. They refuse to let me subcontract someone to help me. They refuse to hire someone else. They used to demand 24 hr turnaround, but now thank goodness they have at least realized that they can However, after 2-3 days they are complaining and calling me on the phone wanting notes typed and faxed. They refuse to telecommute, so I am still picking up tapes every day. I have a set amount of hoursI work a day, because I have a family to care for and there is only so much work I can do in a day. That is why I work at home. However, they don I have been working my normal M-F hrs, but I am so backed up that I still have 2-3 days worth of typing left on my desk by the end of the day. It is a vicious cycle, because for every 2-3 tapes I get done in a day, they give me 3-4 the next day. If I am still backed up on Fridays, they expect me to work on Sat and Sun, or on holidays, to get caught up. If I did this, I would be working 7 days a week. I told them I would like to avoid working on my days off. I don Apparently the other at-home MT does this for them, or at least they think she does, because they used that bit of information to try to manipulate me into working this weekend. I really am at a loss of what to do. I need the job, but at the same time, I have children who need me. I dona week. Does anyone else out there have this problem or feel this way? They will call me and want me to stop fixing my children It is like they want me to neglect my children, which I cannot and will not do. In the past, I have looked at finding another client, but most in my area want someone with a degree. If I don My husband is looking for a better job making more $ so I can either quit and find another line of work, but nothing has turned up so far. Does anybody out there charge extra for working over a certain amount of hours, or a certain amount of lines? Any advice? Well, I don Thanks for letting me vent.

here is my advice... [2008-01-18]
Take your kids to a sitter; you It amazes me the amount of WAHM Helloooooo, treat it as if it were a real job. If you left your home, you I realize that is another bill, but it is NOT a perk to work at home to have your kids interrupting you all day long. It is NOT a perk to work at home when you get interrupted every 10 minutes, then end up working over a span of 12-14 hours of the day, just to get your 8 hours of work done. I just don IMO, it is worth me spending the $18 a day to send my son to the sitter where he gets social time with other kids, and I get peace and quiet time to do my work.How is that so hard to figure out???