"The parents", the "older man". The welfare of child

just go, forget this child play and really, really enjoy ---- [2008-11-26]
yourself without him. He'll change his tune. If you allow this behavior and kiss pratt for it - you'll have to do that whatever and whenever the whim suits him. agree with other poster - he he can't put himself aside for a couple of hours for your sake and the sake of the whole family...then it is he the problem.

This all comes down to the parents [2008-11-25]
I think those women are making a big mistake. I love my sister and nephew, don But he is like that 7 yo and it drives me crazy. BUT my sister and BIL are to blame, I feel. He gets a toy every time they He gets a new toy if he My sister feels guilty if he likes something and she doesn They buy him major video games just because, instead of reserving these things for birthdays or Christmas. They will go out and buy him a $200 item in the middle of the week and when I ask what the occasion is? Nothing, we just thought he'd like it! He is well behaved and they don Yes, it Growing up when we would talk, my sister had definite opinions about what she would and would not do when she had children, and this is not how she felt back then. But he doesn In my opinion, they Just my opinion.

Alton Brown's "The Chewy" [2008-11-24]
I've tried all of the chewy chocolate chip recipes out there, and this is the best by far. The recipe calls for giant cookies, but for Christmas, I make them mini-sized, using about 1 heaping teaspoon of dough per cookie. They bake faster, so watch them carefully. I also add pecans to the recipe. I've made them with bittersweet chocolate chips and macadamia nuts, too, and those were INCREDIBLE. Be sure, however, to really take your time creaming the butter and sugars. And let the melted butter cool to room temperature before mixing with the sugar. The creamed butter and sugar should be thick and fluffy and smooth, almost but not quite peanut butter consistency. If it's not, the cookies will go flop when they come out of the oven, and they don't look as pretty. They still taste great, but they aren't high and pretty. I can't get the link to post, so here's the URL: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/the-chewy-recipe/index.html

Selfish parents [2008-11-24]
People are selfish these days...no one wants to be bothered with their own kids...and before you think I am TOO old, I am only 49 with 18 and 24 year old sons. I A DD too sounds like she resents having to help her children with homework and extracurricular activities. That is the price you pay for the joy of raising your children...get over it. My dh and I have been active in our kids sports and school all their lives and it just shocks me at how many people give their 8-10 year olds $20 and tell them go play somewhere while they are out at a hockey rink, or school gym and these are the kids causing trouble or running around like banchees. Someone could snatch them up at any time and then they Also I Before my kids started kindergarten they knew their numbers, colors, letters, could print their name and could read some words, because my husband and I spent the time with them to teach them, spent time WITH them. that is what you do when you're a parent...sorry but this is my biggest pet peeve about parents today.

"The pope's nose" [2008-11-24]
No idea where this came from, but it's what my mother always called it.

I only have one child, a son..sm [2008-11-20]
so that helps. I usually spend about $300 on my son, but this year I have spent $400 already on a playstation 3 he has wanted ever since they came out last year. I can't just give him that so I have to buy him some other little things to open. My mom and mother-in-law and sister-in-law are going to buy playstation 3 games because after spending $400 on it I can't buy the games too, which are about $60 each. So I still have to buy some small things for him so I will probably spend about $500 on my son this year. The most I have ever spent on him and he is 10. Like I said it is usually no more than $300. I try to spend no more than $100 on my husband, but this year I know he has said how he would love to have an ipod. So I am going to buy one for about $150. I have my dad to buy for and mom. I know I will probably spend about $50 on my mom. My dad I am not sure yet. In-laws are usually about $20-25 each. My sister about $25. My brother in law about $20. My 2 nephews about $20 each. I also have a niece I will spend about $20-30 on. I try to spend a little more on my niece because my sister in law spends a lot on my son. So you see I have a lot of people to buy for. I don't even know how much that is all together but it ain't cheap. And the people I buy for I have to cause they do for us.

Probably borrow from his parents - sm [2008-11-13]
they are loaded, though act poor (have a couple mil in the bank). Borrow enough to a pay off the house $40K if they would go for it, and I think they would, or sell the house (borrow from them until house is sold) and either rent for a while (we'd have about $140K after the sale of the house and mortgage paid off) or buy a much smaller house. We have land we can sell too so we would not be destitute though it would cause some problems.

He is treating you like a child sm [2008-11-03]
CHILDREN don't get to make their own decisions. ADULT WOMEN are entitled to make decisions. They don't always made them alone, but they make them. I have a lot of David Sideras (sp). His mother would tell them what she wanted, and his dad would say oh Sharon, you don like she was stupid or had never thought about it. He is treating you about the same way, but skipping the telling you that you don't know what you want statement. I has to feel like your life is not in your control. This is no way to live.

I had my child's cord blood banked eight years ago [2008-10-31]
This was much more costly way back then. I compared many companies and finally decided on CBR (Cord Blood Registry). They are definitely the most reputable. The originating fee was $1200 and the maintenance fee is $95 per year. The procedure itself is virtually effortless. You are first sent a kit which you provide to your physician. At the time of your child My doctor was more than willing to perform this simple step at the time of my child Then, after collection, the kit is sent via courier to a deep freezer (I think mine is in Arizona). This is such an exciting prospect. Talk about life/health insurance. Just imagine what can be done with these cells many, many years from now. Will mychild never have to develop cancer? Could a spinal cord injury be reversed? Could he be cloned? Just imagine the possibilities. Truthfully, eight years ago was an eternity in this business of cord blood banking. I feel it is truly cutting-edge technology. Yes, it was costly, but when I think about the truly invaluable possibilities,I felt compelled to have this done. Now, it is much more affordable than it was back in the beginning stages of this technology. This is even much more valuable when siblings are involved. I, however, only have the one child. I don With my medical background, there was just no way I could not do it. Sorry I got so lengthy about this, but I am a huge advocate of this concept.

Does anyone remember "The Gathering" with Ed Asner? sm [2008-10-27]
We used to watch it religiously every year. I can never find it on TV anymore. Then, of course, there is A Christmas Carol with George C. Scott - the best Scrooge ever!

No, I would not say that you overacted. How is your child? When you calm down talk to him about it [2008-10-27]
I am sure that I don Just wait until you calm down.

Last night Bravo had "The 100 Scariest Movies Of All Time" and number one was ...sm [2008-10-26]
Jaws!?!?! I didn The Exorcist and Audition are the scariest for me.

"The Shack"...sm [2008-10-25]
Has anyone read this book The Shack? I have heard rave reviews on this book. It is said to be lifechanging. I bought this and am on the 3rd chapter.

My child has been on both sides of that fence (sm) [2008-10-22]
He has been bullied before but he has gotten really good at standing up for himself. I literally have given him comebacks that he can use if he is being verbally bullied, and have told him that while he is never allowed to start a fight he is always allowed to defend himself and even though he may get in trouble at school, he will not be in trouble at home. One time last year (fifth grade) he was verbally bullying a boy in his class. He said some pretty mean things. I got the phone number to the boy We talked for a long time beforehand about how the boy must feel to have to go to school and have someone say things like that to him, role-playing such as how would you feel if that was you sort of thing. He also lost computer priveleges for a week. He has never bullied anyone else. However, he did kick a boy in the shin earlier this year when the boy hit him and said he was going to beat him up. My son is strong but doesn I think all kids should be able defend themselves if needed though.

Not educational. This is something that should be the parents job to teach, not the school. sm [2008-10-16]
Besides, why should school children have a field trip to ANY wedding? What would people say if someone had a field trip to a church service? These are things that parents need to be able to teach their children when the time is right.

If this was MY child??? sm [2008-10-16]
I would be working my way up the food chain at that school. Who in the he!! at that school thinks they know what my child needs or doesn not the school, not the state, and CERTAINLY NOT A LESBIAN TEACHER!! I was so upset when I just READ the story that it was all I could do to stop myself from sitting down and writing a letter to the school and giving them a piece of my mind. To any and all parents in that school district...the threat of recall is an extremely potent weapon. Use it!!

Unfortunately, the schools stick their nose in many things that should be the parents job (sm) [2008-10-16]
my children have had teachers give one-sided views of politics, whether they should be democrats or republicants, who their parents should be voting for, etc. For some reason, some teachers don We don't pay them to teach their opinion.

If it were MY child, I'd buy her a pretty dress to wear [2008-10-16]
You bigots are appalling.

I still think it should be the parents who teach the child these things, not the school's place. [2008-10-16]
Each child goes to school to learn facts. They learn their social skills, values, etc.at home and from friends that their parents allow them to associate with. The school is a public entity full of many INDIVIDUALS who all have different values and opinions. Teachers should not be teaching children their own personal values and should leave that to the parents.

For example, I have a lot of opinions and beliefs....do you want to send your child (or another chil [2008-10-16]
and let me tell them what I think is right and wrong and teach them however I see fit? Or do you think the child's parents have that right?

It can't because most parents (read this board!) are NOT [2008-10-16]

In the end, as your child grows up he/she is [2008-10-16]
They may choose your beliefs, or they may choose someone else)

Pretty sad to stunt a child's intellectual growth. [2008-10-16]
.

My child would not be attending...sm [2008-10-16]
That is utterly ridiculous. How is this acedemically relevent?

Help! I live next to parents and they ...sm [2008-10-15]
are driving me mad, well my dad is anyways. I have always lived on my parents land next door to them. I live in a mobile home. Well my mom and dad divorced this year because my dad was cheating. He was calling another woman up to 10 times a day, going to her house, has give her everything he has. He owned cattle and sold them and got $32,000 for them. Well the money disappeared and he was broke before long. This woman he is cheating with is on disability and lives in a house and has a SUV. Her daughter has a car and son a truck and none of them work. Mama has looked on his bank statements and seen where he is making their payments. Well of course mom put him out. Like to never got him out. He got a mobile home and parked it on the land. She got 3 acres and the house in divorce. He has the remaining 7 acres. Well he puts his mobile home on his part and refuses to hook it up. He is staying in this trailer with no power, no sewage, nothing. There is only a bed. He has had the money to hook it up right. My mother has offered him part of the furniture and a TV. He doesn He refuses to live like a normal human being. Then he comes to my moms house every day when she gets off of work and wants to come in and take a shower. She is like no we aren You have a trailer and you go hook it up and take a shower over there. Well it has water to it he just doesn Well that is his own problem. He chooses not to have it hooked up because I guess he wants an excuse to come over to moms. Well she tells him no. Then he comes to my house and sits and sits. He comes over because he has no furniture and no TV or nothing. He comes and rumages through my cabinets and bums food. If me and my mom are at my house and decide to cook something he invites himself over there and helps himself. I have never seen anyone who was so annoying. I can He refuses to get a washer or dryer which without electricity it wouldn So he comes to my house and says can I wash my laundry? Well gues what? I end up doing it cause he doesn Then he leaves it there and expects me to finish it. I can not hardly do my work because he comes over and says are you busy? I just wanted to talk. I won Then he just sits there. I am at my wits end. I just want to move. He came over and said can I borrow a duffle bag? I said ok. I give it to him. He says I am gonna go buy one and I will bring it back. I never have got it back. Then he comes over and says can I borrow an ice chest. I let him borrow it and never get it back. He bums off of everyone here but this other woman and her children he gives whatever they want. He has taken money from me and my sister. He has borrowed money against my sisters extra vehicle she had paid for. He asked and she let him. he didn THis is his own daughter he did this to now. My husband had a pickup in my dads name because his credit wasn Big mistake. When the truck was almost paid formy dadborrowed money against the truck behind our backs. THen the truck is stolen and insurance has to pay it off. Well it was worth more than what was owing so we got the differnece. Well he had borrowed $1600 against it and said he didn So it came out of our insurance money from the truck. Finally when we knew he had some money we had to bug him and bug him for the money and he said $1000 is all he owed. He borrowed $1600 and paid one note on it before the truck was stolen. So we were out about $500. He takes from his children. I am at wits end. I want to get far far away from him. My sister lives an hour an a half away and she seems pretty lucky right now. What the heck to do?

Oh, do I remember! [2008-12-01]
It was a big deal around Christmas time. We'd take the bus or train to a store in another town because they had a Christmas display made up of moving figures as big as a 3-yo child. People would come from miles around to see it. We hadtwo 5dimes in our town right aside of each other. One was modern, bright lights and big display windows complete with a lunch counter and all open displays. The other was dark with all wood shelves and bins, so cramped only2 people could fit in the aisles if they turned sideways. This store also had the candy in glass cases that you paid for by the pound. We also had another old general store like the older 5 dime but he even sold shoes. He had a pair of red shoes with bow ties on them in the window one year. I wanted them so bad because they matched a skirt I had at the time, but they were $10. I only got an allowance of $.50 a week. I was afraid it would take me forever to save the money. Our school's magazine sale was going on at the time and I worked hard to sell as many as I could to win the $10 prize. I won and bought the shoes. It was one of the happiest days in my life.

These 10 things definitely ain't right: [2008-12-01]
1) MTSOs who want people with top-notch skills and experience, but don't want to pay them what that skill is worth. 2) HMO's: So-called *health-maintenance-organizations* --yet they spend every minute and every dime of their far-too-large profits on denying healthcare, meds and procedures to their patients. These organizations have ruined American healthcare, and many American lives. HMO's have been a con-game since their inception. 3) The Bailouts: Giving money to companies who can too bad for the rest of you.* Then the Big Three show up in DC to beg for a handout, and fly there in private Lear jets. My answer to them would be, *I too bad for the rest of you.* 4) Apartment managers that won't allow even a single quiet, well-behaved pet, but will rent to people with continually screaming small children, and out-of-control older children and teens. Give me the pets for neighbors, ANY day. 5) Businesses that give an age-discount to absolutely everything that walks, runs or flies, but not to the middle-aged middle-class, who need it the most. Take the ski-industry: Young children ski for next-to-nothing, and sometimes nothing. There is a Teen Discount. There is a Student Discount for college kids. There I'll probably never be old enough - it's a carrot-on-a-stick, always just out of reach.) There are even corporate (UGH) discounts. But for those in my age group, who barely make ends meet but like to go up once a year for a couple days of bliss, there is NOTHING. 6) Travel-lodging deals that are always based on double or quadruple occupancy. What about singles? NOTHING. 7) TV commercials that are about a million decibels louder than the regular shows. Why can't it all be the same volume? Same with online newscasts. THEIR commercials will blow your eardrums out if you aren't quick enough turning down the volume before they start. 8) Surround-sound: Everything is too loud, already! Why do we need it coming at us from 4 directions? Why do people living in tiny apartments feel they need it? I've lost count of how many fights I've had with neighbors over this issue. Same with movies and music concerts. Why do they feel we need to feel the music in our SPLEENS? I went to Universal Amphitheater last week. (Now named something else). There is actually a sign outside warning that the decibel level inside might damage your hearing! (?!?!?!) Why do they need this? (To avoid lawsuits, obviously). If it's so loud you have to post a warning sign outside the entrance, then DUH.... it's TOO LOUD! 9) Banks that charge you a fee to use their ATM. They (I haven't actually been INSIDE a bank in YEARS).... and they want to charge US for using the machines instead of the tellers? Forget it. I won't give those banks my business. 10) The Post Office: Talk about rewarding slow, inept performance! The worse their employees are, the longer they seem to stay there. I'd rather have a root canal than go to a P.O. during the holiday season.

crazier every day sm [2008-12-01]
Kids who need designer labels, theme birthday parties, karate, guitar, piano, dance, gym, swim,baseball, soccer all in one week, both parents have to work their kiesta off to pay for all this stuff and the kid has to go to therapy because they are acting tired in school and are always bored in the few minutes they do have at home. They also need food that is on the acceptable food pyramid from the expensive organic markets but end up eating Kraft mac cheese, the orange kind, that they slipped into the carriage when dad or gramma stopped at the store. Oh well, they used to say you have to eat a peck of dirt before you die - not in todayAnd PS - all that expensive cream we put on our faces (if we did) announced today on all stations that they don't WORK! Back to Vaseline!

I remember. [2008-11-30]
My parents used to take us downtown once a year to shop and look at the display windows. Then we would eat at one of the department stores. Dad would take half the kids and mom would take the other half so we could all buy for each other. I remember one year when I was about 6 I was with my dad and my sister and I saw this beautiful red coat I wanted to get mom. We took it up to the counter and my dad told us to give the lady our money. Between us we had 35 cents. We gave it to her and she wrapped it up for us. My dad still tells that story today, how we bought mom a coat for 35 cents. We never did see him give the saleslady the rest of the money, and it was sweet how she played along.

I still love giving gifts and have a solution with my family. sm [2008-11-30]
We all buy gifts for our parents (there are 4 of us, all married) but we wrap them all in the same paper and they are from everyone. That way, if someone is having a tough year, then it still looks even. Over the years, all of us have had a year that extra money just was not there during 1st babies, 1st homes, high gas prices, unexpected bills, lay-offs, new jobs etc. This way, our parents don't know who did what and they can't turn them down or worry about one family when they don't want to share with them their troubles. We treat the kids similarly. We all buy for all the kids (7 total) but no set limit. Some years, when having a good financial year, they get big presents, some years they don't. They all get to open at least 5 presents (counting Grandma and Grandpa) and we torture them until after dinner before they can open gifts! There have been years of Dollar Store gifts and years of video games. We all look for things during the year that we can give to all equally. Last year, I found pajama bottoms at Old Navy for $2 in the summer and bought a pair for everyone, including the adults. One year, my sister got them all Uno decks which were $3 each because that's all she could do and they are still the favorite gift and go everywhere. Uno tournaments, using all the cards are a family tradition and we make up different rules all the time! I am fortunate to be in a good position the last few yeas and have bought more extravagant presents. Not to show anyone up, but because I can. Not to make up for the very lean years, which were many, but because it is easy for me to do right now. We don't have jealousy and I don't expect anything in return because if I need something or want something, I usually buy it for myself. I just like to give gifts and can, and everyone is fine with that. But I have to tell you, my best gifts from the others are from years when there was no money and have now become tradition ... strawberry jam from my SIL, fudge from my brother. Christmas is what you make it. We are loud and loving and crazy and if we exchanged soup cans, the kids would still love it. It is what you make of it and how fun you make it for them.

2 problems with hubby - any advice??? [2008-11-30]
Problem #1: His hearing. He will not go to the doctor, complains to me all the time that he can not hear me and talks SO loud. I can't tell him anything in the stores or I might as well announce it over the loud speaker which in turn creates an argument (hence, miserable day out shopping yesterday). Problem #2:I dread this time of year with him. He turns into this greedy person that is beyond comprehension for me. Every time he opens his mouth it I always grew up being thankful for what I got and can I never ask for items for Christmas - I appreciate the thoughtfulness that a person puts into getting me something (even if it I also believe the kids come first (3, 2 of which are teenagers) and we buy for them first but it seems I always have to budget my money for the kids and then for him. He does not like inexpensive items either. The last few months I'm the only one who has bought gifts for the kids - he hasn't spent any of his money and is counting on a bonus from his employer that may or may not come through and you never know how much it's going to be. Sorry - and thanks for letting me vent. I've been so stressed lately.

Silly Girl shouldn't have to treat her [2008-11-30]
husband like a dog or a child. After all, she is his wife, not his mother. If she wants a pet, she can go to the animal shelter and get a dog. She married a man and he needs to act like one. It sounds like she gives and gives, and he takes. I think Silly Girl should start taking care of herself for a change.

Times gone by......... sm [2008-11-30]
I remember when I was a child the dime store in our town. It had everything from pencils to yard goods to toys to old medicinal remedies. They had a wonderful candy counter where you bought your candy by weight. You made your selection from the glass-fronted counter that was juuuuust above eye level for a small child. The clerk would scoop out the desired amount of candy with an old brass candy scoop and weigh it on an old balance scale. Then she would put the candy in a little white paper sack. There were all kinds, jelly beans, butterscotch that melted in your mouth, peppermint that really cleared the sinuses, and wonderful little maple goodies to name but a few. It tasted so much better than candy tastes these days. And yes, they had Evening in Paris and Old Spice and hankies for both mom and dad. I even held my very first job there in high school where I helped take inventory every year right after Christmas. We had to count each and every item (well, probably not the jelly beans) by hand. I remember counting boxes and boxes of pens and pencils and rulers. I miss that store as it closed down many years ago when the big discount houses started opening up in the nearby big town.

I just need to VENT and see what you all think...Beware...this is long...sm [2008-11-30]
I have tried twice to tell this story but deleted it both times because the story is just too long so I will be as short as I can. I have a bunch of ROTTEN TO THE CORE sisters.My sisters are just about the worst people I have ever met in my whole 43 years on this planet. There is one who is especially bad and I just told my other sister that if she ever dies, to please not call me as I won I come from a very large family with 5 sisters and 1 brother with my brother being the oldest. He is not involved. He sort ofleft the family years ago because he couldn They did terrible things to him after his divorce. We rarely see him now.I am considered a scumbag and a loser because my husband and I don We don We don We can We love our children with everything in our souls. They have made fun of me and my husband and insulted us to our faces.My husband and I have a difficult marriage as he is tough to get along with so they hate my husband My sistershave all gone out to dinner without inviting me. I have found out because of someone They have made threats and sent rumors flying throughout the family, without me knowing, about calling DCYF on me. I heard that one too from a slip of the tongue. I cried for 2 hours in the shower that day. They talk about everyone and I mean everyone badly. They have awell known reputation ina couple of our towns here for being mean horrible girls. They are about as fake and phony as a person can get. Sweet and all smiles to your face and when you turn around, they stick that knife in as far as they can get it in. They have what they have in their lives because of what someone has given them. My sister had her property given to her by her in-laws. It is worth about $1,000,000. My other sister had land given to her by her husbandto lessen their mortage burden so now they owe almost nothing on their $500,000 house. They think they are fabulous people. They think they are the cat In the past years when we were all talking and I would be invited to a holiday, I was not spoken to at all the whole time I was there. I am a venter and I always have been so if my husband and I are fighting, I will always go to my older sister (one up from me) and vent and vent until I can She gets on the phone the second I leave and tells every person in my family what is going on. They in turn judge me and my husband, make their threats, and so on. This is also happening to my oldest sister and her partner (she is in a gay relationship but was always dating a man and was married twice) and my sister The three of us, me, my sister and her partner, and my sister We get along well. We are happy with each other. We don Whatever happens in each other lives, we just accept it and don I now attend holidays at my sister I don I don The sisters (I like to call them the Witches of Eastwick) all attend holidays with each other up at my sister The three of us are not invited. My older sister has a son. Several yeas ago, my sister and her partner had a terrible fight with him. He went to the witches and told them a bunch of lies and now they have pretty much shunned her and her daughter and me too because we still talk to her.I have a sister, who is involved in all of this, that I speak to on a regular basis. She is close to my kids or at least my oldest son. She pretty much ignores my other two children and they tell me, It She is the one who has spread rumors about me in the family trying to get everyone to call DCYF on me. I heard this too by a slip of the tongue from another sister a few years back. I tend to be a forgiving person so I quietly forgave her for this without her ever knowing that I knew what she was trying to do. Now that they are all inviited to the holidays up to my sister They are extremely fat just like her. These holiday trips up north are usually kept quiet and I only know about it the day before they are leaving to go, which is when she inevitably asks me to come feed her f******g cats. This is how Iknow that a big party is going on up at the cabin and once again only the chosen selected few are going. This is usually for 3 or 4 days and they get fed twice a day so I have to goto her house twice a day. Sometimes I have to give them medication and the last time she asked me, I even had to soak her sick cat She lives about 20 minutes away from me. This girl would NEVER, NEVER, EVER do this for me. My husband and I took our children on a cruise 3 years ago and we have a cat and I never asked her to do this for me as I know she would have laughed in my face. I have been feeding her cats for years now when she goes away. Keep in mind though that she was in the select chosen few to be invited up to the cabin. I was not as I am considered trash in the family. I am SICK AND TIRED of feeding this girl My sister who invites everyone to go is a mean, horrible, sadistic, vicious, backstabbing wretched b***h. No one will say anything to her like, Gee Pat, where is everyone else? Didn They could care less. All they know is that THEY were invited. Anyway, I am sorry this is so long. I cananymore. I have been thinking of this all day all weekend long. I am really to the point where I just don I am goingto tell my fat a** b***h sister to fnd another way to get her cats fed because I She is just using me and believe me when I tell you, she enjoys it. She is verydiabolical. She loves it that I am not invited and she and her husband are.She even questions me and counts the cat food cans to make sure that I came on all of the days they were gone. These people have balls of brass and I have had ENOUGH.I am just sitting and waiting patiently for the next time she says, Oh, we Can you come and feed the cats? I just canNo. I can I will never feed your cats again! Find some other sucker to do it! I believe that they are severely narcissistic people and this is nothing to take lightly.These types of people are very destructive. Do any of you have family members like this and what do you do about them? How do you stop them from making you feelsad, lonely, excluded andless than you are or deserve? I think it is time for me to cut all ties with them. I just can

Gift Giving [2008-11-29]
I just got married in July 2008, bought a new home, and am now expecting my third child in April 2009 so we ourselves have had many blessings this year but our financial situation is also pretty tight. We will not be buying gifts for anyone but our children. Our family will receive homemade treats this year. We still like to do something nice for them because they have done so much for us this year and every year but we don't have a lot of money to play with. In my case, we take care of our obligations (bills, our children, etc.) before we worry about gifts. We feel that providing our children with things that need and the love that they deserve is more important than any material gift will ever be. Our family understands our situation and is very happy just to spend the holidays with us without the expectation of a gift because honestly the quality time with family is the biggest gift we could give each other. In my opinion, you should just explain the situation to them and let them know that you will not be giving gifts this year. They may take it hard but they will get over it. You have to do what you have to do. Gifts aren't the real reason for the Christmas season anyhow. Good luck to you!

we don't exchange gifts either [2008-11-29]
We stopped exchanging gifts about 30 years ago. When my husband and I first approached the subject, we met with some resistance, but we stood our ground and said we would not be buying gifts. My husband is the oldest in a family of 7. By the time they all married and had children, the number could have been quite staggering to buy for. I was a surprise baby, my sisters being greater than 11 years older than I am, so when they began their families I was too young to buy anything to buy for them and so never started doing so. Now both of our families agree the holidays are much more enjoyable without the stress of the gift buying, worrying about what to get, how much, will the like it, can I afford it, etc., etc. The true gift of Christmas is the love we feel for our families and all we ask is time with them, and everyone agrees on this. We usually bake or take small treats to the families are who have misfortune of spending Christmas at the Ronald McDonald House in our city due to the illness of a child. Often the other kids in the family (the healthy ones) get lost in the shuffle of caring for a child with cancer. There is no gift one can give as great as giving and bringing joy to a family in such a situation. Anyway, my point is that there may be others in the family who will feel the same way, that it is just too stressful, and you may find that they will appreciate the holidays much more if the gift stress is taken out of the equation. I should add here, I do buy something for my own children but usually one or two things and my grandchildren because, after all, Santa still comes (!) and I do think Christmas gift giving is for children. Watching my little ones open is a gift a truly a fun thing to do and makes me happy. I do ask my kids not to buy for me or my husband because they have young families and can't afford the extra money. I have always told them I would rather they spend time with me any day then go out and buy a gift.

Has society become this bad and why [2008-11-29]
I saw the post down below about the Wal-Mart worker. Here is a new article that just came out (link below). The police are now looking at video surveillance to see who trampled this poor worker to death. Personally I hope they find all responsible and prosecute them to the fullest. It doesn I like their store just fine, it is what society is doing to people that nobody even bothered to stop and help this person. I grew up in the 60s/70s in a small town in New England. Maybe I'm old fashioned but my parents/grandparents taught me better than this. I just can And for what? Getting a Christimas item? This is one of many reasons why I do my Christmas shopping (what very little I do) online and gift cards. I think the traditions of the big shopping day the day after Thanksgiving should go away. I really donlove thy neighbor, not trample, bite, and spit at them so you can grab that item. (BTW - you can shop online at Walmart too). I think to myself that I thought the spirit of Christmas was supposed to celebrate Christ. Oh yeah, I'm sure he is so proud of people like those who harm others and cause death so they can get what they want. I hope those guilty are sitting at home worrying about whether or not their face is going to show up on the video camera. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20081129/D94OJ4NG0.html

LOL It went well. Thank you to everyone for helping! [2008-11-28]
I felt bad because none of the friends or extended family that she invited showed up. They all called to cancel. We did not have leftover Turkey but plenty of desert and rolls. She bought 45 dinner rolls?! I think some of you are right that this is the beginning of sundowning for them. I will have to explain this to my husband because he just thinks they are losing their minds. I heard from another family member that MIL has a stash of a case candy bars in her closet and yesterday she went in the bedroom for cookie sheets to put the biscuits on. A little odd, especially being that they have extra storage area in the basement. I think FIL took it as it was just that much less food that cost him money because he was so happy that I brought as much food as I did and kept saying how much he loved the veggie tray, etc. I think MIL was a little miffed when I got there because she didnstay the heck out of my kitchen and keep your opinion to your self and afterwards he gets the look of You have always been my favorite child, thank you LOL But I understand things are different with moms and their own kids versus the spouse, especially with females. So overall it turned out well and everyone had plenty to eat. We didn't have to run out for burgers or home for dinner.

I went through this myself about 20 years ago. [2008-11-28]
My husband is the eldest of 4 siblings. They tend to give expensive gifts, and none of them have children. I came from a very poor family, so our Christmas holidays never included lots of gifts. When we were first married I stressed over the gift selection and the money we spent. My husband, who is an accountant, stressed over every penny. When our first child came alone, I quit my full-time, downtown career-oriented job and stayed home. Our family income was cut in half, and so we had to tell everyone, our siblings, parents, friends, etc., that we couldn't afford to give any gifts. Family members wanted to give us gifts anyway, and we begged them not to, as it really made us feel uncomfortable to receive but not give. We didn't need anything, really. We just couldn't afford to spend anything on gifts. It took us about 3 years to get everyone to play by our rules. Twenty years later, and we're doing better financially, but we still don't exchange gifts with anyone but our children. Even my husband and I don't exchange gifts. We try, instead, to make donations to charities or causes that we care about. Over the years, some of our family members have experienced financial difficulties, and they opted out of the gift giving either temporarily or permanently. It always feels a little strange at first, but eventually it's ok. The season isn't about the gifts, and if the gift-giving becomes a burden, then that's certainly no fun. You have the financial responsibility for your family. You make those decisions, not family members who make you feel guilty. They'll get over it. Don't let it get you down.

Holidays are hard [2008-11-26]
My parents were divorced so my sister and I spent many years shuffling between two houses. When we each got married and had our own families the situation got even more complex. My parents are now deceased and my sister and I are estranged (even though we live in the same town), so in some ways life has gotten simpler. I still get very emotional and depressed around the holidays because of my dysfunctional childhood and negative expectations, but I don't have as much guilt and stress anymore. My husband's parents and family are back in our hometown 600 miles away, and for the last few years he's gone back there for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas with our youngest child. I don't begrudge him that because his folks are elderly and I don't want him to have any regrets later. I can't go with him because we have a lot of animals to take care of, and frankly, I'm really comfortable just hanging out at home with them anyway. We have adult kids too, and two grandchildren, and I encourage all of them to live their lives without the burden of guilt and feelings of obligation. If they can come by and have dinner or visit that's great, and if not BIG DEAL. Honestly, it's just a day. Things got easier for us when we realized we didn't necessarily have to celebrate a holiday on the exact day it was scheduled. I really understand your not wanting to let your mom down, and I would feel the same way. Your husband is a big boy and has made a choice, so that's on him, not you. He's probably being a bit immature and stubborn on this one. I hope you'll extend the invitation to your husband one more time, then go to your mom's and enjoy yourself whether he comes along or not.

If you tell your kids that Santa Claus is real [2008-11-26]
I don nephew are 5 mos. old) it if they find out you lied there will be consequences and other remarks like that. We were talking the other day and without even thinking we were talking about how Uncle Joey usually dresses as Santa but this year we might want to ask his son to take over and our friends child heard our discussion. Well, she got so mad because we were insensitive to her daughter and we don Come to find out that her kids all think Santa is real. The oldest is 17, well, I So I wondered if she is lying to her children by telling them santa claus is real?

Don't give up! [2008-11-26]
Iso easy, even a child can do it! I learned to sew before I even went to school! He even had some antique machines with foot pedals that we kids used to play with. I have all sorts of machines, from antique hand-crank Singers to cheap Wal-Mart plastic machines, and high-end Pfaff and Viking sewing machines and sergers. Check out local sewing and fabric stores for classes. You can also try visiting Meetup.com, which is a really cool place to find all sorts of people who get together to pursue their interests. I don't know where you live, but I checked in my area, and there are several groups for beginning sewing listed. Maybe there are in yours, too. With that said, I really have to tell you that Singer machines are not the best. Since the company was sold many, many years ago the quality has gone downhill. They are not built to last and have many parts that break very easily. In my experience, a simple mistake in threading some Singers will place a lot of tension on a weak part in the thread line. Something will snap or break, and once it's broken, you can't get the machine to feed thread properly as you sew. Unfortunately, a really good machine can cost hundreds of dollars, and it's hard for a beginning sewer to make that sort of investment not knowing if it's something they'll be doing for a long while. I always recommend going to a store that deals in higher end machines. (Pfaff happens to be my favorite.) Then ask to try machines or take classes with their display machines. You learn basic sewing techniques and you learn what makes one machine better than another. I suggest that if your machine is brand new, you return it for a refund. Take some sewing classes first, and try different machines. Then you can make a better, more informed purchase, which in turn, should result in successful and fun sewing! I'm sorry. You probably didn't want to hear that, but I can't say that I'm a fan of Singer machines. Even if you get it to work, it's likely to fail not long down the road, which will only frustrate you. I'm willing to bet it's the machine and not you.

It's lying in the absolute literal sense, but so what. [2008-11-26]
I think itcontrolled dissemination of information can be a good thing. My kids don't need to know what I did when I was a wild child, for example. And on occasion I've told them there were no more Little Debbies in the house, even though I had a personal stash hidden away. LOL! As far as Santa goes, I loved it. The way I explained it to my children when they got older and stopped believing was that when weto give. When my oldest became aware of the Santa reality, he wanted to Santa for my little brother, and kept the fantasy alive for him. Now they do that for others. I consider that a reality. The arguments regarding the honesty of the Santa fantasy will go on and on. In the end, it's a personal family decision to participate or not, and I think we can all be respectful of other family's decisions by not divulging the truth within earshot of children who believe, and not arguing over the issue with parents who believe otherwise.

See inside [2008-11-26]
My daughter (now 19) has always had more guy friends than girls mostly because she does not care for the drama and backstabbing that many teenage girls engage in. What I would take into account is how your daughter acts around these boys--how does she dress (my daughter is an athlete--no low-cut shirts, short skirts, etc) and what are her mannerisms (too flirty or just chillin as friends) or do you see something more--watch the behavior. Have always welcomed all kids to hang out at my house--even though it has driven up my food bill--because I feel that way I know what they're doing, hear how they are acting/talking (they can forget you are around the corner), and I get to know who they are hangin with. As time goes by you can get to know who a lot of the kids are in your town including siblings and parents--have always made it a point to network, network, network--soccer games, helping in school, etc. Always offer to drive too--they will also sometimes forget you have ears up there in the driver's seat. I like to remind my kids that they don't know who I know so they should keep that in mind when out in public because you never know what could get back to me.

Thank you to all for suggestions/advice [2008-11-26]
It It is so isolating working from home sometimes. I don Working from home is a mixed blessing sometimes... I do this so I can be available for my kids, but at the same time I feel I am always working and can On the days they don Iguess I thought it would be easieronce they got older, but it is just as complicated in many ways.Well, another day off from school is almost over and at least we all survived.

boys [2008-11-26]
My son is 15 and I cannot tell you how many interviews and interrogations we have had to go through. Every time he has been on a date the parents want to meet us and see our house, etc. I has been a flipping nightmare, especially since these little flings last about a week and are over after the dance! In my humble opinion, find her something else to do. That is what I have had to do with my son. I just can't take the pain anymore. Join some super busy, mega overly scheduled adult supervised something! Shoo, shoo, mama is working!

I'm butting in here but sewing classes LOL [2008-11-26]
I took home ec in school too. Dresses were always too short in length or in sleeves. My parents sent me to Singer Sewing School for 2 years. I STILL can2 of them sitting in storage (1 mom's, 1 DH's mom's). BTW, my mom couldn't sew either. My father used to do any sewing that was needed in the house.

Pumpkin and apple pie [2008-11-26]
And my mother-in-law makes a cherry cream and chocolate cream pie to die for. We go to my parents every year and my mother does all of the baking.

I'm with the other mother... [2008-11-25]
If you don't like your grandkids, don't baby sit. I have a child, whom I think is wonderful. I resent anyone telling me that I am not parenting the way they would. You raised your kids and it is time to let your daughter do the same. I am sure that she is not trying to ruin her children. How would you have felt if this criticism were coming to you instead of from you?

Does anyone play board games or card games anymore? [2008-11-25]
My 7-year-old child was invited to a B-day party for a little boy that was also turning 7. Anyway, when it came to opening gifts, he got Wii game toys, the different controlers and games. I did not even know the kid had a Wii game, but it seemed like everyone else did. I bought him a race track and a game of Go Fish. The race track got an I already have that comment and the Go Fish was what the heck. He did not say that but he kinid of looked at it like that and put it back in the bag. I wondered if he even knows what Go Fish is. The only gamesmy child has are board games, card games, those free games you can play on the computer and 1 game that plugs into the TV. It looks like a joystick and it has 3 games in it. These games have helped her in her reading because she has to read directions. She can identify a lot of the ocean fish. I was treated like an outcast at the party anyway. Itried to join in conversations with the other mothers, I would get ignored or very short answers, some would actually walk away. Then one mother actually turned her back to me to talk to another so I would just listen. They were talking about building houses, they have lots of land blah blah blah. They were giving each other advice on what to do with it all. When the conversation turned to how their kids are struggling in this subject or that that is when I got up and left because they toned their conversation down and then shut it off completely when then thought I was listening, so I thought that was my cue just leave so they can vent to one another about it. Itwas moreabout the teachers expecting too much blah blah blah.I have known some of these mothers or their spouses since we were little kids. They really treated me like trash back then. I thought that now that we were in our 30s, have not had much contact with each other since HS until now that our kids are going to school together, it would be like water under the bridge. Guess not. The families were wealthier than we were (just about every family was wealthier than we were back thenlol)but I know theycan Well, actually I don The only thing I did have over them is my kid is not struggling in school. She is making straight As on all her subjects. The only reason I went was because my 7-year-old and the7-year-old boy are really good friends and Ithought thatmaybe me and the other mothercould find something in common.At school, they are in separable so I really wanted dd to go to help him celebrate his special day. I could not help but notice that dd played with him more and the others were playing among themselves. I do worry if that tee I worry that they are going to discriminate against DD because I was a poorlittle nobody back in school and they were popular.I worry that they are going to start refusing to let the little boy play with dd and it will break her heart and hate me. I take baths, I practice clean living, always have, no drugs, alcohol. I don I pay my bills. Everything I own, I got honestly, paid for it myself. Of course, it isn H is not from here, he went to school elsewhere. I used to worry about that too back when we 1st started dating..Him finding out I was an outcast, dork or whatever and hate me. Now I worry that my child is going find out and resent me.