ANGER

Is my anger justified? Opinions welcomed [2008-06-04]
Here My ex-sorta-sister-in-law shares a child with my brother. They both have DUIs and neither one of them can drive. They only call me when they need help getting their child (who is the same age as mine and attends the same school) picked up after school and delivered to either one of them. I own a home in the city, a pretty bad neighborhood, and I happened upon this magnificent house very near her house, in the correct school district. This house is on a dead-end dirt road surrounded only by trees and nature. Truly the perfect house for me. So, here She needed me to pick her up and then go pick up her child after school. On the way of returning them home, I said to her, Oh, Sue, let me show you my dream home.I drive her past it, saying how I so want this house and I She says, Wow, that would be perfect for me and my family (she has three other kids, having had this child with my brother while having an affair outside her marriage). Well, sure enough, at the open house on Sunday, there she was with her four kids and her her toothless husband -- making plans for who gets which room.I told herI was less than pleased that she was trying to snatch my dream,when her husband stated, Whoever gets to the bank first gets it. My feeling is that she was outof line. There are thousands of houses for sale in this town and I had displayed extreme interest in this one. Sure, itone Now, when she calls me tonightasking to deliver her child again, I really feel like I She obviously has noregardfor me. Am I right to be so miffed?

Your anger is definitely justified. [2008-06-04]
I would also be hurt that someone you do so much for would treat you like that. Unfortunately, the other posters are right: No point in being angry because she obviously wouldn I know that I would pursue the dream house. I doubt they could get it anyway; they sound like losers. If they can't drive to pick up their kids, how do they get to work? As for helping out with their kids, I If they can If they can afford it, put it in your new house fund, whether it be this dream house or another one! Keep us posted -- would love to know if you get the house, and if not, let us know if she doesn Cuz the only thing that would makeme feel better about not getting it, would be that she didn't get it either!!

ANGER [2008-06-04]
Do everything you can to achieve YOUR dream and do not enable this deadbeat any more by helping her --- she has already shown that she will back stab you any chance she gets!!!

such anger [2008-02-15]
Your attitude toward people posting their opinions (which you asked for by posting here)is less than mature and more hostile than anything. The original post came across as very bitter so you really should not be surprised by the responses. Take the whine, hold the venom.

The heat of anger... [2008-01-18]
Some people just get so angry that they say what comes to the top of their head at the time, true or not. Others lose their ability to empathise in ANGER. Either of those, I can deal with (so long as it stays verbal only), and thatlosing it. As I said, she has some pretty serious PTSD issues to deal with, so we may or may not put up with it if they werenrespond in kind because none of us are superhuman, especially when angry. Personally, I think the world was a better place when we weren't so concerned about hurting somebody's feelings - back when we could hold a normal and sometimes emotional conversation about differing viewpoints. Of course, that was back when people were responsible for their own feelings instead of making everybody else responsible for them.

My days are filled with happiness, not anger [2007-09-14]
and do not dwell on things that happened 13 years ago like some. We were on here talking about 1 thing and when you interject like you did, then the whole subject opened up again. I am sorta you are a confused person. Take a break- get out of the house, smell the roses, lead a pleasant life.

Sounds like an anger control problem [2007-07-06]
to me as well as not being tolerate of other people. Have dealt with both. Would pull him aside and explain to him again he was out of line - a guest in your home should be treated like a guest and he should keep his opinion to himself and voice only when in private with you and daughter... it was not like anything major... friend Just tell your hubby to relax!

do not let him anger you with this comment [2007-06-02]
he feels this way because you make more money than him, and after that comment, I would calmly and confidently remind him of that whenever you need to, maybe daily. Also, sit his dumb___ down and make him type one sentence of a hard provider, then calmly and confidently talk down to him and tell him he would never be able to do your job. Calm and confident. Do not ever again let him make you feel that way.

You should search for the cause of your anger. It may be deeper [2007-03-06]
!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow! Such anger at differing sides of opinions!--sm [2007-03-05]
I don't want to change the subject here, but personally, I do not appreciate the cigarette smokers out there either, at malls, at restaurants, or even adjoinging apartments where I live and throwing their cigarette butts *in my space*, and having to smell that sickening smell coming in my patio door while they smoke, but there is little I can do to stop them. I just have to tolerate it, as it is their choice to want to die of lung cancer, etc. TOLERANCE is the word, I suppose, for the rights of others and we all should respect that. Personally, I wouldn't care if an animal were allowed inside a store. I love animals, too, and they do not cause cancer and induce second hand smoke into my space. How is an animal inflicting on anyone elses rights? I do not understand such ANGER and vehemence at this subject. My goodness!

Abraham Lincoln's Thanksgiving Proclamation 1863 [2008-11-19]
Abraham Lincoln while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years, with large increase of freedom.No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in ANGER for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand, and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.Done at the city of Washington, this third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the independence of the United States the eighty-eighth.By The President: Abraham LincolnWilliam H. Seward, Secretary of State

I am glad things are going well for you but sm [2008-10-26]
The debt is not my main issue. My marriage is. All of the other problems are a result of the marriage being bad, and working at home in isolation. The problem is I feel I have no choice but to work at home because of my husbandnight fishing one night a week, leaving straight from work and getting home about 1 a.m., on a work night! He is very rude to me all the time and acts like he doesnI wonder what my life would be like if something ever happened to you mom. It wouldn My daughter I worry about too though not as much. I donhis and daughter is mine even though I regularly remind him that we are both parents to both children. So yes, the debt is there and it does worry me but just showing my husband my debt is not going to solve my problem. If anything it would put me more under his control and ANGER than I already am.

I'll bite [2008-10-17]
But first I will have to point out the differences between this and a gay person going about their every day life. No gay person is standing on the corner collecting anything, recruiting, or taking one nation under God from anything. They (we) are simply asking to walk our own paths unassaulted. Period. Don't put your hands on us in ANGER or hate, keep your discriminatory legislation out of our lives, don't key our cars, don't burn our houses, don't threaten our children or have your children threaten our children. If you don't like who we are, don't associate with us. It's that simple. Leave us alone. With that in mind, no, you would not be shoving anything down anyonelifestyle. WHO you are is not a lifestyle.

I would not bash anyone for their beliefs [2008-10-17]
however, I do disagree. If my child came to me that he/she were gay, I would never in a million years tell them I disapprove of their lifestyle and that God does not approve either. As a mother, I would want my child happy and comfortable with their sexuality. I think a lot of damage is caused by parents who enforce their beliefs on their children. With it comes guilt, low self-esteem, unhappiness, self-disdain and ANGER. I would never ever subject my child to those feelings no matter how I felt about the situation.

my sin. here we go.. is there enough room? [2008-10-16]
I lie, I covet, I am jealous, I sometimes swear when I am alone, I have stolen when I was younger, I have ANGER and lash out, I am moody, I am materialistic, I feel hatred sometimes, I have used God I am a sinner. But thankfully for me, what separates me from my sin is Jesus and his death. Since I took his gift of salvation, I am free of my sin. I can be forgiven, it doesnt all stay on top of me. I will be sinless when I stand before God. So everyone sins and telling someone they have sinned is not being judgmental because you are also a sinner. Being judgmental would be pointing out someone As Christians we are supposed to tell others about God and what he expects, his love, his rules and all of that. You dont just preach a message of love and tolerance or you are only giving half the story. There is no accountability in that.

When you mentioned the Goldman family that [2008-10-06]
really brought back memories when I sat in front of my TV on my break and heard the verdict. As long as I live I will not forget the loud cries of Kim Goldman as her dad held her in the courtroom when they read an innocent verdict. I was literally sick. I will hush now, too, but we had to sit by all these years and look at that joke of a man having lap dances, etc. I almost lost my dinner over that one. Have a good day. I am smiling with you. I was only a matter of time for someone like him with his ANGER, abusive natureand need to control.

Here's a thought. [2008-09-10]
Do you think that in school, your daughter may be asking for help a lot? Sometimes if children are nervous or are having a bit of difficulty adjusting to a new situation, they may be a bit more needy in that situation than they are at home. Maybe she's asking the teacher for help when papers have to be put in a folder, or at other times throughout the day. The teacher may be reading that as if she is a child who is not used to doing things for herself, but it could just be her way of adjusting to a new situation and trying to connect with her teacher. Rather than going in ready to argue, just call the teacher and ask to have a conversation with her to find out how your daughter is doing in school generally. I can tell you lots of stories about good and bad teachers I've had to deal with over the years. I have to be honest, however. Most of the times when I my first reaction was ANGER and defensiveness, there was something that I didn't know AND something that the teacher had assumed. It's best to sort that out before getting too ruffled.

I type this stuff all day long and I totally agree sm [2008-08-26]
that you need to get him into see another counselor - and it may be time for a medication to help with the ANGER outbursts. Med and therapy go hand in hand with this - ask for an immediate appointment - this is kind of a crisis sitution really when younger siblings are being hurt - it trickles down and you don't want them to have problems also. Best of luck!

I think too many people would not be able to wait until the day is over. LOL [2008-08-25]
That would be nice. Maybe on a board like this it would work, but in real life I don Too many people thrive on ANGER, confrontation, and oh how they do like to judge. I don Myfriends motherfor instance lives in the victim state. Everything is everyone elses fault. She never did anything but all her problems and situation is someone elses fault. The problems she hasare usually herkids fault. If she didn Itfault she had so many kids (she has 6), and its someone elsesfault she never finished college (which by the way her whole college tuition, books, room board, meals, clothes and I mean absolutely everything) was paid for in full and she would have not had to pay back anything (wish I had that opportunity). But after a year she decided to drop out and move away from her home town.Anyway...back to my thought...people just thrive on blame, hate and judgment (among other negative emotions). Reading the post the first thing that came to my mind was a movie I watched called Demolition Man starring Sandra Bullock and Sylvester Stallone, where he is put in cryostasis and comes out of it in the future and they all talk and end sentances with Happy Happy Joy Joy and everyone is overly polite to everyone. It's an amusing movie and I love it and that's what this reminded me of. So IMs. National Be Nice and Friendly Day I

I don't necessarily agree you should "wear them both out" SM [2008-08-25]
I am of the opinion that the 11-year-old should be punished as well because in my mind the 11yo probably was taunting or teasing or did something intentional to ANGER your 8yo and the 8yo responded. It The 8yo may view that as he's not allowed to defend himself or that you are playing favorites -- which I'm not saying you are -- I'm just saying both boys are behaving aggressively -- one is more PASSIVE aggressive than the other, but it's still aggression. That Good luck to you!

Make him repay every mean thing he does to his brother with 3 nice things sm [2008-08-25]
Take away a privelege he really enjoys and make him spend that time doing three nice things for his brother - through gritted teeth - every time he does something mean. For example - you hit your brother, you clean his room, let him use your favorite toy and clean his plate for him after dinner tonight. If he responds in ANGER during that timeframe and hits again, he starts all over again, three nice things. I had to do this with my son with negative things he would say. It worked well. Now when he starts to slip up we start the three nice things again and he remembers quickly.

Ouch - my husband had to come clean to me too sm [2008-08-24]
I was very upset. Physically sickened, the whole range of emotional distress. Then I realized that it wasn't just about him or about me, it was our family. The kids would really suffer. Believe me, it was no easy thing for him either. I had helped him get out of a sticky financial situation before, right after his divorce from his ex-wife. I thought everything was all good. I could not have been more wrong. So after the initial shock of it wore off, we sat down and discussed the situation. There were still tears of frustration, ANGER, and all of that from me but there were also some tears from him too, having taken it so far and keeping me in the dark. He knew exactly what he had risked but realized it a little too late to fix it on his own. He had no choice but to come clean. He was absolutely drowning in it but he decided it was better that I hear it from him, rather than having collection agencies start calling constantly. Your husband needs to hear it from you. Maybe if you printed these discussions and had him read through them it might ease it just a little. I wouldn't expect miracles but wouldn't you rather hear it from him if the tables were turned? Our marriage was pretty rocky before this happened too. It's still not the best but we are trying to make it work. Financial infidelity is probably as hard on a marriage as cheating. The deception and sneaking around -- trying to cover your tracks. You may not realize the exact depth of stress you are putting on yourself with trying to hide this. You said you love him. That's the biggest thing. The crud will only keep getting deeper until you start shoveling. Come clean with him and let him help you figure out what to do. Telling him the truth is going to be the hardest part. Good luck to you.

Need help with difficult child [2008-07-28]
I have 3 children, ages 11, 8 and 5. My 8-year-old has always been a difficult child, starting in early infancy. He was always fussy and became quite stubborn during his toddler years. He is now 8 years old and I really have my hands full. He can get quite mouthy with his father and me (married and live together) and has even got physical with me. He has always been physical towards his brothers and is always fighting with them. He has given his teachers a hard time as well as my parents, who spend a lot of time with him. One time when I was driving up the highway 55 mph, he became very upset (can I realize the child lock should have been on but wasn He becomes so angry so quickly, and I I have tried several tactics for discipline/help in this situation and nothing seems to work. Some things are short-lived results, others no result at all. We have tried rewards charts, timeouts, loss of privileges, spanking (very short-lived and didn't work anyway) as well as professional counseling with a child psychologist. The child psychologist spent about 3 months of weekly to every-other-week sessions with my son and wasn He indicated to me that my child definitely showed signs of ANGER through his drawings and behaviors, but he wasn He also seemed to be not so interested in what was causing the problem as he was in dealing with it. My take on it is that I need to know what I'm dealing with before I can begin to fix the problem. My child has never been abused or traumatized. My parents and sister have been the only caregivers, other than myself and my husband, to care for him. My 2 other children behave fairly well. I can I I His mood swings are so severe, I never know what to expect. What really has me jammed up is that when it Therefore, I know he Has anyone else ever had a child act like this? Any ideas or suggestions? Please don I know I need to get this situation under control before it gets any worse. I just don My mom says *tough love*, but I Once when he really misbehaved, I put him in his room and took out all the toys and knick-knacks, so there was nothing but his bed and dressing in there. I put a door lock on the closet and shut the door. When I came back to check on him about 1/2 later, I found him lying on the floor and he had unscrewed all the knobs on his dresser. He was only 5 at the time. It

I have a child like this... [2008-07-28]
(This turned out long. Please stick with me.) Like your son, it started in infancy. He could throw a fit that could go on for 30 minutes. If it was related to going to sleep, he would cry for hours no matter what I tried. (Yes, i did have him ruled out for medical causes.) He just could not calm himself down and he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it. It started to feel like a war zone and the other kids were not getting the attention they needed because I felt like I had to deal with his bad behavior all the time. When he was very young (infancy to about 3 years old), I would let him throw his fits and try to ignore them. After about 30 minutes, I picked him up and rocked him and he always seemed to be relieved and would start to calm down. I did not give into his demands. It just was a way for him to know that I loved him even when he acted bad. But you know what... A few months ago (he is 5 now), he was acting up yet again and I tried to talk to him. I told him that I knew he was a good boy and that he was just having a hard time with his ANGER. He was totally blown away that I thought he was a good boy. In his head, he thought he was bad. This was an eye opener for me. Because I had my own issues with frustration, I decided to work on me first. I was sick of the war zone. That is still a work in progress, but I feel a lot more calm when dealing with him now. I explain things to him up front. If we are going to a store, I tell him that I expect him to stand still by me. If he wants to look at something, he can ask me, etc. Then I ask him what he thinks the consequence will be if he does not mind. Sometimes he answers, sometimes not. Then, I tell him exactly what will happen. No favorite TV channel or no playing with a favorite toy, something like that. Just so he knew exactly what would happen if he makes certain CHOICES. I also don It only gets me wound up. I put the onus back on him. Counting 1...2...3 gives him a warning to change his behavior or deal with consequences. I also communicate a lot about otheracts good and acts bad. How the things that happen to him are often influenced by his CHOICES. Other children may not want to play with someone who ...only wants their way ... does not share ... hits. If you share your toy, your friend probably want to share his toys with you. I praise him when I notice he has done something good, like brushing his teeth without being reminded. Itell how much I appreciate it (Because I do. When you have 3 kids, its a really help when they can do something for themselves.) Someone knowledgeable told me the ratio of praise to discipline is 4:1. I doubt that I hit that ratio, but I do look for things my kids do right. None of this is easy for me. I feel like I am talking myself blue in the face. I am naturally quiet and not always willing to communicate verbally.I Or at least, we can talk about more pleasant things. I will say though that my son is starting to understand that he will not always get his way, and if he cooperates with me, I am willing to cooperate with him. There has been good improvement since I started with this in April.

Some thoughts from a daughter of a permissive mother [2008-07-16]
Do not be permissive, not about the drinking, not about the unknown friends, etc. Take it from someone who had a permissive mother. My friends all thought I had it made when I was a teenager. I smoked and drank and my mother looked the other way. I went where I wanted when I wanted and had no parents tracking me down. What everyone didn ANGER is power. Your daughter should NOT be more powerful than you. Also, you really should tell her father. He has a right to know.

yes, i'm limiting stay overs at the in-laws sm [2008-07-09]
We are trying to raise our kids to be respectful. My FIL is a kid in an adult And that Like having my 10 y/o throw bottle rockets after he has lit them. I didn I told him I don I There I just want my kids to be respectful, compassionate for others, and open minded. But it is nice to know that there other parents out there that go through stuff. My 10 y/o (I feel) doesn He I (See his dad is not a good communicator at all, as is the whole in-law family). Sorry for rambling on.

I would not force him to stay if he hates it - sm [2008-07-08]
that much. That said, I am a GS co-leader of a Brownie and Junior Troop. Both my daughters are in GS, 1 loves it, the other wants out. Since I would have to take her to the meetings anyway, I am making her stay in. The only part she does not like is the meetings, which is twice a month for us. She loves the activities we do which are not too much 4 booth sales a year (cookies and nuts), a campout a year in cabins at a GS camp, and usually 1 or 2 other fun activities with other troops, skating, baseball game, that sort of stuff. Despite my 1 daughterdone with it I will pull them both out, or is she wants to continue I will just find another troop for her that has a Cadette group. ---These boy scout leaders need a bit more compassion, and need to allow the boys to call home once a day if they want to. No you don't want some kid calling home every five minutes. We had a girl like that in our troop, a real pain in the butt. She was a bully, constanting hurting others or bullying them, and all the other girls could not stand her, but we had to deal with her and teach the girls to nice to her, etc. in hopes that this girl would get better. Never happened. I am happy to know she is not coming back next year. She made every event a drama about her, calling mom constantly on campouts, changing her mind about leaving every 5 minutes about having her mom pick her up early, crying, fussing, generally just being a pain if she did not get her way. (She has emotional problems at 11, on drugs for depression, ANGER mgmt--parents were finally forced to get her help after she tried to choke someone 2 x at school--private school, and they pay handsomely to keep her there by donating stuff all the time to the school, the girl will never get kicked out though she should have been expelled years ago for her violence)--- but that is me off on another tangent. ---But the men leaders have that caveman thinking, that the boys have to tough it out to become men, and all that garbage. They definitely need to clean out their campsite, rake it out, build a nice fire during the day....we never have unattended fires at night....even when I tent camped for my training. In theory the BS leaders should have their training, both BS and GS require training, though BS has a lot more stuff going on the GS, but the GS has lots more red tape and paperwork we have to submit before doing anything---took me an hour to fill out all my forms this year, for the 2 girls and myself as a leader. ---but I do believe scouting is good for kids, but if they really, really hate it, don't make them, it just makes everyone miserable there.

I'm sorry you lost a friend sm [2008-07-02]
Maybe in the midst of my ANGER, I I'm really sorry you went through what you went through. My whole point is not about money, even though it may seem that way. I think there should be some sort of penalty when a dog bites someone, especially an 8-year-old child. In our case, there has been absolutely no penalty, and the dog has been out without a leash since the attack. The owners even tried to blame our daughter for the bite. They said the dog thought she had some food in her hand or that she was standing next to the dog She was standing in front of their house. The dog tried biting my daughter They I will advise our attorney that we will be willing to settle with them because we don I have never sued anyone and never expected I would ever sue anyone. While I have sympathy in your case, I don If we did nothing, this could happen again to someone else

I understand your frustration [2008-07-01]
Your daughter is entitled to pain and suffering, should you pursue it. Your medical bills, however, should be covered by your medical insurance IMO. That I don If you weren You didn You also didn I also have to wonder if part of your ANGER isn Just some things to think about. I know what it I hope your daughter is doing well and will be able to overcome her fear of dogs eventually.

If it was really significant, I would [2008-07-01]
think the final cost would be more than $800. My niece was mauled by a dog and spent about a week in the hospital. She was 4 years old at the time. It was the saddest thing seeing her in that hospital bed with her whole head swollen up. The dog bite ripped out a couple of her still-forming permanent teeth and she ended up with quite a nasty scar along one cheek. Most of the stitches were in her scalp. My sister and her husband had to sue the homeowner It took quite a while to sort it all out. They ended up with a settlement that would after 15 years of very modest growth pay for her college and also any future medical bills. She has had revision of that scar on her face, but she is 19 years old now and still hasn She ismissing bone where theimplants need to go and so will need grafting to be able to accomplish it. She was not emotionally scarred forever by the incident. She is fine, and it didn Just keep loving your daughter and shebe back to her old self. Money won Try not to let your ANGER overtake you. I know they are responsible, but there is no need to try and take them for as much as you can. You could conceivably ruin their future. Accidents happen. What exactly were the circumstances surrounding the bite?

What I think - sm [2008-06-04]
How mean-spirited can a person be? I feel ANGER for you! I definitely would not be doing her any favors from this point forward. Sure, there may be plenty of houses for sale where you live, but you expressly told her of your interest in this particular house, so I would think it common courtesy to step aside and let you have the first shot at it and certainly not be at the open house picking out bedrooms. I think she has shown what she is made of. Time to let her use someone else as a doormat and move on...Peace!

I am the child of such a marriage [2008-05-26]
My parents argued about everything for as long as I can remember. I used to always side with my mom (just felt that obligation) as it seemed she was always the one being hurt. As an adult now in a good marriage, I feel some ANGER towards my mom for being the weaker one. She could have gotten out but chose to stay. To this day, my parents are still married and still fight constantly. My mom says my dad doesn My response, however, is my mom doesn She refuses to leave him, but she wants us to hate him, too, and I can The problems they have are theirs to fight out, not mine. I try to stay out of it as much as possible. My point is your kids may be upset at first that you Good luck and don She makes cracks all the time on these boards and I have to say she sounds like the selfish one to me.

Thank you for asking, and funny you should ask today [2008-04-25]
Everything seemed to be going fine until last night. I asked him a question that he totally took the wrong way (can't even remember what it was cuz it turned into such a huge argument)and things just escalated from there. He is still going to the therapist, goes again next Wednesday but either I have completely overreacted or he is still in total denial, maybe a little of both. Still says everything was just a joke. Let me know that he was still mad at me for sending him to a shrink, didn't like me walking on eggshells around him (had no idea I was doing that), not being able to trust him, and thanks for talking to his friends cuz now they think he is crazy. He can't seem to understand that any caring parent would have done pretty much the same thing. I also told him if we didn't trust him we would have taken his car keys from, we certainly wouldn't let him drive our daughter around, and we probably wouldn't let him leave the house. DH did back me up on this. Our son doesn't seem to have an ANGER toward his father even though DH has agreed with everything we have said and done so far. As far as his friends go, they have been doing everything they possibly could to talk him to going to the prom. He is a junior but two of his closest friends are seniors and really want him there. They are going in a big group, some couples and some singles. He did ask me this morning to take him to order a tux, so I was really glad for that. I felt like after the fight last night some things are more out in the open now. Maybe we are making progress, but I still don't know where we need to get to. Next week I am going to talk to the therapist first and tell him what happened last night. DS still won't talk about what goes on in the sessions. I walked with my SIL this morning and talking to her helped. She kept reminding my that he is only 17 and some of the things he said last night were out of ANGER and he meant to hurt me. I understand that now, and realize that there is defintely some teenage angst that he just really needs to release right now, and I don't think he knows exactly how to do that. Please keep us in your thoughts.

polygamy doesn't bother me but the compound does [2008-04-17]
I understand that people of like minds may want to live in a close community, but when it becomes isolative I think it's dANGERous. I don't have a problem with free choice. Of course the under age marriages are deplorable. I feel sorry for the women being separated from their children and even more so for the children being taken away from their parents into a different world. The women on Larry King bothered me though, they all talked in a very monotone way, they looked gaunt, kind of robotic. Maybe it's the immediate situation they are facing and being on TV. I guess I would have liked to see a bit of ANGER there, some emotion, too submissive, probably the way they are with their husbands. You get the feeling they are pretty bottled up.

more advice [2008-04-14]
My husband does the whole has to leave thing too. I don Try letting your fiance know that the reason you are leaving is so that you can calm down and not say something in ANGER that you will regret later, which is why my husband leaves during an argument. We havethe same problem regarding my housecleaning abilities. He What seems small to us though is not small to them and we need to learn to respect that and make an effort. Ask him to show you how he thinks things should be cleaned (in a nonsarcastic manner of course!) As far as the house building, check out ubuildit.com. We are considering building our own house in a few years when I finish grad school. For a small fee, they help you with permits, plans, finding good licensed contractors. Basically they help you be your own general contractor. My brother-in-law just build a house and did a lot himself like you guys are planning and I think the whole mortgage including land was 145K in Alabama? Land was 33K I think. That was 1350 sq. ft. so that should give you some idea of the total cost you guys are looking at in case you didn Good luck!