Advice about a bully sm

Some advice -- been there myself, [2008-07-02]
First of all, congrats on almost paying off that mortgage! I would love to have a $350/month mortgage payment. I watch a lot of financial shows on TV, so I hope some of the stuff I learned can help you. 1. Pay yourself first. I know this sounds hard to do, but if you put a little back each paycheck to a savings account, you can avoid getting caught in the credit card circle again. It doesn We do $40 a paycheckinto2 club accounts, $20 into a Christmas Club and $20 into a vacation club. This really helps out when those times of year come around. 2. Pay your highest interest rate credit cards first and/or lowest balance first. You say you have a credit card in the 20% range for interest with a balance of $200. Try to pay that one off ASAP, while still maintaining minimum payments on the others. Once that one is paid down, I would start on the next lowest balance (since 3 of your credit card interest rates are in the similar 20% range). You should put the money you were paying on the $200 card (after it 3. Try to make your payments as soon as you get your bill for that statement; don Interest is figured on a daily basis, so the sooner you pay it for that month, the less interest you'll end up paying. 4. The $5000 that you are planning on getting would probably be best used by paying off the credit cards for 2 reasons: 1) The interest on your house is probably a lot better rate than those on the credit cards. 2) The interest you are paying on your house can be tax deductible. If I were in your situation, I would start out with the first 3 suggestions. After you get the $5000, I would follow through with number 4. Finally, any remaining balances left, I would try to obtain a home equity loan. Home equity loans are not second mortgages. The closing costs are much less, usually not more than $100, if any. The interest on a home equity loan would be better than any of your credit card interest rates, and again, the interest paid on a home equity loan can be tax deductible. When shopping for a home equity loan, try to find one with a fixed interest rate rather than adjustable (the market You should be able to find one with a rate somewhere around 7%. Good luck to you!

Thank you for the advice. sm [2008-06-30]
My daughter is an overall good kid, has always been an A/B student in honors and high honors. She has kept her grades up and is involved in environmental clubs, humanitarian clubs and is a do gooder overall all. I'm just in shock having learned that she has been drinking for 2 years. She tells me that she is glad now she does not have to hide it anymore and says she hated lying to me, but was afraid of what I would do if I found out, obviously. I want to punish her but I don't want to push her the other way where she will rebel more and do worse things. I guess this is my reality check. I need to come to terms with the fact that kids her age will drink and I think I can almost deal with that if I can somehow make a deal with her that she will not get drunk and obviously drive when she has been drinking. I have an even bigger problem with the cigarettes and I just can't stand the thought of her smoking. She tells me she has not done any drugs. I want to believe her, but at this point I am also very hurt and feel that she has broken the trust I had in her by lying to me all this time. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. Sigh.

Need advice on 16 year old daughter. SM [2008-06-29]
I just found out that my 16 1/2 year old daughter has been drinking and smoking and has been lying to me about this. I found out and confronted her and she came clean stating that she drinks, but has never been drunk, will just have enough to where she is happy and also smokes 3 to 4 cigarettes a month, she says. I have now lost complete trust in her because she has been lying to me all this time stating that she did not drink or smoke and neither did her friends, etc, etc. She has always been a good girl (or at least I thought so) and is an honor student. She just got her driver's license in May. The first thing that I have decided to do is to not let her drive for a while. This is my first experience with this and I need advice and guidance on what the appropriate punishment is. Please help.

Good advice. As my sister says sm [2008-06-19]
Why is it some people think their dogs are just oddly shaped humans? We had a lab cross puppy from about 7 weeks to about 4 months. My daughter just brought her home one day and we knew we weren We did take thetime to crate train her, potty train her, etc., etc. With a lot of patience a ton of praise, yet a firm voice and boundaries, sheturned out to begreat pup. She was pretty hyper, but listened well and was very eager to please and she needed constant supervision. We thought we finally found the perfect family for her. The first thing the newfamily told me, as they were leaving with her, was they thought it was cruel to crate the dog at night and told me they chose not to. Big red flag! :) Three days after the family took her they called me and wanted me to take her back. I was accused of misleading them because the dog was not listening to them and was tearing their house apart and having accidents everywhere. They let her have free run of the house and then locked her in a small room while they went to work all day with nobody to check on her. I mean, what did they expect? I told them specifically what she was used to right down to what time she went to bed in her crateat night and what timeI let her out in themorning and they went completely againsteverything I told themand couldn And they only gave it THREE days!

Thanks for the advice. [2008-05-30]
X

Need some advice. Have any of you or anyone [2008-05-29]
removed the hair from their arms. I am really embarrassed by my arms and wish to removed all the hair from my forearms and upper arms. I was just wondering what would be the best way to go about this. Wax, creams or shaving. I have recently lost 50 pounds and I am starting to take more pride in my appearance after years of neglecting it, so I need to get rid of these gorilla arms!! Thanks for listening. Dont laugh! LOL

No advice about meds, but... [2008-05-20]
if you are consuming caffeine, try cutting back. It helped me significantly. Even 1 cup of coffee was aggravating my anxiety.

I don't have any advice, but... [2008-05-17]
dang! Ten references! I'd have a lot of difficulty approaching that many people that I do know asking them to be a reference. Why do they want so danged many?

Advice about a bully sm [2008-05-07]
My daughter is in 2nd grade. She has a friend who has been basically bullying her since the beginning of the school year. My daughter has a big heart and still wanted to be friends with her. They have argued every day. They have had play dates and sleepovers, and they have all ended up in arguments. I chaperoned on a field trip with her class and witnessed what I consider bullying by this friend. I finally got fed up and told my daughter to play with some of the other girls and that a real friend wouldn't treat her that way. Well, my daughter told this to the friend. The friend mom called and left a voicemail stating she was appalled at my behavior and that I am not a Christian for saying it. I called her back and told her to ask her daughter how she behaved on the field trip. I also told her that the girls have been arguing on a daily basis all year long.The whole time I talked the mom said nothing at all and hung up on me. I emailed the teacher and told her what had happened, and I plan to talk to her some time today hopefully. I know I should have said something sooner to the teacher, but I figured these were 8-year-old girls and they would work it out without getting me involved. This friend even wrote a letter to my daughter, telling her that she wasn But, my daughter still tried to be friends with her. I guess this is my first experience with a bully. How do I handle this? I I'm glad I told the teacher about it, though. Thanks!

Good advice! sm [2008-05-07]
Thanks!

Advice on getting money from former employer [2008-04-18]
If anyone has had experience with this, could you offer your advice? My husband took a new job back in the end of January. His prior employer required him to have a phone through T-Mobile with unlimited data. His last phone bill was $200 plus there was a $200 contract break fee, a contract he was required to sign by his company. He has filed the necessary papers to be reimbursed for the phone bill; however, we just don He has called the HR person and while she is not in charge of approving the expense report, it doesn I am worried that T-Mobile will turn this over to collections and therefore affect our credit score. Any advice?

Need advice please [2008-04-16]
My dad is elderly and has rheumatoid arthritis, heart problems, and recently found out that he has macular degeneration. He has been getting Avastin injections for his eye, which were doing good at first, but then all of a sudden he started having bleeding again in his eye and now can only see a speck of light w/ no hope of getting much eyesight back in that eye. My mom passed away about 2-1/2 years ago, and my dad insists on living by himself because when it The thing is my sister has told him he has some decisions to make; he can live w/ her, me, or go to a nursing home and that she didn She also told him that he needed to get Meals on Wheels. Nothing against Meals on Wheels, but as long as I am able to cook for my dad I will gladly cook and take it to him. I really want to lay into her and tell her to get out of her self-centered circle she She has made the comment she is tired of using her PTO to take everybody to the doctor and not using it for herself, leading me to believe that she thinks my dad is a burden. What I want to know is what you all think is the best way to handle this situation. I would never, ever say such things to my dad as she has and would never tell him I don The funny thing is she don't have money to take care of his errands, etc., but yet she stays in the road all the time running out and back to Wal-Mart and to the mall. Again, my dad is elderly and I don Any advice anyone could share would be greatly appreciated.

more advice [2008-04-14]
My husband does the whole has to leave thing too. I don Try letting your fiance know that the reason you are leaving is so that you can calm down and not say something in anger that you will regret later, which is why my husband leaves during an argument. We havethe same problem regarding my housecleaning abilities. He What seems small to us though is not small to them and we need to learn to respect that and make an effort. Ask him to show you how he thinks things should be cleaned (in a nonsarcastic manner of course!) As far as the house building, check out ubuildit.com. We are considering building our own house in a few years when I finish grad school. For a small fee, they help you with permits, plans, finding good licensed contractors. Basically they help you be your own general contractor. My brother-in-law just build a house and did a lot himself like you guys are planning and I think the whole mortgage including land was 145K in Alabama? Land was 33K I think. That was 1350 sq. ft. so that should give you some idea of the total cost you guys are looking at in case you didn Good luck!

Need advice - urgent!!! [2008-04-08]
I answered an ad yesterday on Craigslist to talk with someone who said he was crying out for help and I don I wanted to give him someone to vent to, but it turns out he is suicidal. I don't know who or where he is because it is all anonymous. His native language is arabic but he has lived in the US for a long time. He is heartbroken right now and thinks that suicide is a courageous way to get out of his situation. Does anyone have any experience with this and know what I can do to help him???

Thanks - good advice - sm [2008-04-08]
I am being very careful - he knows nothing about me - not even my real name is on my email address. I will not allow him to contact me by phone or any way other than through this anonymous email address. I had not thought about the fact that he might be lying!! I had thought about him being mentally ill or at least not in a normal state of mind presently. But I will not under any circumstances give him any info about myself. thanks for the reminder

Good advice. Wish we could trust everyone. . . NM [2008-04-08]
xx

I truely need some advice [2008-04-08]
This will probably be long, sorry for that. I have very often talked about my children on this blog and many times have talked about what a great son I have. He is 17yrs old and I thought a really happy well-rounded kid. I was at my parentother mother checked her e-mail. There was a message from my SIL about my son. Apparently my niece had gone to my son I have never had a problem with my kids being on myspace because I would have my daughter check my nieces They have alway been fun and innocent. My son has a very long post that is definitely too long to type here, but it essentially talks about how unhappy he is i.e. Ithe constant aching, I, I, I We printed the pages and I came home and talked with my husband. We then talked to him. His response It was a joke. We talked and argured for about an hour. This is not a joke, where is the humor. My husband backed up everything I said but he himself said very little because quite frankly he came from the least dysfunctional family there is, and I if you look up dysfunction in the dictionary you would see a pic. of my family. I know we didnjust a joke is not a real answer. I kept saying what is funny about this? and he had no answer to that. My son is a straight A student, is extremely active in after school activities. He is going to Wash. DC this weekend with the FBLA for a state competition. He spent this past Saturday working with his art club raising funds for animal rescue missions. He and DH were at an away tennis match while I was at my parents. He is going to Africa this summer for 2 weeks on a mission trip and is so excited he can hardly stand it. He talks about college all the time. He knows exactly where he wants to go and he has an excellent chance of getting accepted there. I asked him if he felt he was under too much pressure. Was there so much going on in his life that he felt maybe he couldn He said no way. He said do I seem like the kind of kid that would commit suicide? No he doesn He is the last person we would have expected to do this. I have thought about calling our pastor, a therapist, his friends and their parents (we are quite close will most all of his friends and their parents) a guidance counselor, but I don Either he is in denial, refuses to tell us the truth so I don I have cried and cried until my eyelids feel like sandpaper. I haven Does anyone have any wise words to share? I really need a hug.

flu in children advice please [2008-03-17]
I or my children have never been diagnosed with the flu so I do not know what it is. My 9 year old son has severe environmental allergies and takes allergy shots. So, when he started coughing and running a fever of 101 this weekend I thought he was just getting a URI or sinus infection. Then he threw up late last night...and this morning. My question is..does the flu start out as like coughing/sneezing/watery eyes then progress to the vomiting? He hasn't had body aches at all. tia

Good advice, Southern Belle. nm [2008-02-23]
xx

You want advice, not advise [2008-02-22]
NM

Need advice on teenager vehicles......sm [2008-02-19]
Okay, it is time to get my 16-yo her own vehicle. I intend to get her an older vehicle (less than 10 yrs old), pay cash for it as I don How does everyone handle with kids what percentage you make them pay for etc? I want her to learn responsibility and appreciate the vehicle, just by my preference would prefer to pay in cash (less than $5000, hopefully). Do I make her responsible to pay her own insurance or half of it? By her own gas? or should I make her buy the car from me? Not sure what everyone else does so I would like some ideas as I said, I don I want to make her earn it, take care of it, appreciate it, and be responsible, but don She is in 10th grade, A/B student (Currently 11th place in class and working towards bumping up to be in top ten by the time she graduates). She is very well behaved, never a troubled child. She does have a lot of activities that would prevent her from making much ofany income with an after school job. She is varsity cheerleader (off season just now, but will practice all summer), plays tennis, basketball/baseball manager, takes tumbling classes 1 night a week. So she is very busy in a good way. She would also be driving siblings to school for me and running errands occasionally. Anyone care to share what you do/have done or have any ideas/suggestions?

I think that is horrible advice. She should let herself [2008-02-15]
feel degraded (maybe) because she could run the risk of losing him to another woman? Wow.

I have been to several and my advice is [2008-02-13]
to make sure this person is someone both you and your husband feel good about and you feel can relate to you. For instance - I went alone to a counselor for marriage problems and the guy had a turban on his head - like he is going to help me to become more active and stand up for what is right for me? Yeah.........right.. You should know the first session if there is a good rapport - if not keep looking best of luck to you!

advice [2008-02-12]
The agency did not tell employer of my already paid for vacation. Not sure id I should call them or not and voice my displeasure. It took me so long to get the confidence to get out of the house and find a job and now I am back to square one emotionally again. I hope my old job takes me back.

Advice...sm [2008-02-11]
Definitely go to the M-Tec boards available through their website. It is a good place to socialize and get help. You can search the archives for any questions you have also. My best advice would be to keep at your studies, don't be afraid to ask your instructor questions, and enjoy all the learning you're going to be doing!

My sons have been in Scouts for some time now...sm [2008-07-03]
My youngest (11 years old) was in Cub Scouts for about 3 years and crossed over into a newly chartered troop. My oldest son (17 years old) joined the troop also, mostly out of necessity (we needed his warm body in order to have enough boys to charter). My youngest loves it and my oldest is kind of lukewarm about it. I have also been a leader at the pack, troop, district and council level for over 4 years now. We are basically a scouting family and love it. With that said, however, I will say that scouting is not for everyone, and everyone does not get out of scouting what is there for them to learn simply because everyone is not interested in learning those things or because of poor leadership within the scouting unit. In your case, it sounds to me as if the latter may be true. You didn't say how old your son is or how long he has been in scouting, but it sounds to me like he has a very poor leader if he makes them camp this way. Some overly self-glorified scout leaders try to turn scouting into junior Army training which is not what it is meant to be. If there is another pack or troop in the area, you might consider changing and see if that improves his scouting experience by a new leader and better camping conditions. When we camp, each boy has his own tent (can be bought at Walmart for about $15) and we always have a campfire in a designated fire ring that burns pretty much all night. Each boy is safely enclosed in his own tent that zips up which greatly reduces the chances of spiders, snakes, bugs, etc. Of course the boys have to be trained to keep their tent flaps zipped closed at all times so that nothing gets in. My advice from a scouter's viewpoint is to talk to your son and then you and your son and husband talk to the scout leader and see what can be done to improve the scouting experience for your son as well as the other boys in the unit. If the leader does not want to chanage his ways to more closely follow the scouting ideals, then find another troop or pack to join. Sounds like there is a LOT of room for improvement here. Here is a link that may help, too. http://netcommish.com/askandy.asp

Scary isn't it? [2008-06-30]
I don't have any advice for you, but I have an 11 year old son. Found out that lots of kids in his MIDDLE SCHOOL are having sex, drinking, smoking, and using drugs. This is in a 'supposedly good' school in a suburb of Atlanta. There is also some gang activity. I will be homeschooling him starting this fall. I am so sorry to hear of your problems with your daughter. I hope that someone here is able to offer you some sound advice. I know that it is not a good feeling to have someone living in your house whom you feel you cannot trust.

Well, now it's my turn to tell my story...(Beware..this is long) [2008-06-29]
Well, I just don I was 26 years old when I met and married my husband. It will be14 years ago this August. I was a platinum blond, Swedish, 26-year-old, voluptuous virgin waiting for my prince to come. I had never dated because I was too fearful and shy. My mother always told me that my prince was coming. She just didnthe prince of darkness. It has been a nightmare, although he says it has been great with only a few bumps along the way. He is abusive in every way including verbally, mentally, emotionally, some physical although very little (not an excuse, just telling it the way it is), what I feel is sexual abuse with me but not the children,but the worst by far is his financial abuse. He has told me many, many times, Who do you think YOU are? What do you think...that you I can find a dozen more women like you. I have three children, now ages 14, 13, and 11. 14-year-old has ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder. My husbandis just like this although he has never been diagnosed and never would be because in his own words, I am perfect just like God made me. There is nothing wrong with me. The problem here is you. My credit is down the toilet. Credit score is about 500. His is 800. Through the years, when the children were babies I had to feed them dry cereal with a cup of water because he wouldn One very hot night in the summer, I had to feed them generic hot dogs and pink beans, which were some kind of bean that slithered out of the can in a gelatinous material. The kids werewere dry heaving at the table. One day when I was about 8 months pregnant with my last child, he came up to me and said, Well, I I said what He said (very matter of fact), I I won If you want something, get off your f______fat a__ and get a job. I had a 6-month-old and a 1 1/2-year-old and 8 months pregnant with the third one. What!! Get a job!! Are you crazy?? He said, Oh well. Famous last words. That is all I ever hear. He has ripped out phone lines, denied us food and clothing. We have two cars. He used to hide the car I would drive around the neighborhood so I couldn He would even take the carseats. One time when I was pregnant, I had no money so my girlfriend needed a babysitter a few hours a week. She lives in Connecticut, which is about 45 minutes from my home. She could only pay $45 a week but I would drive up there four days a week to watch those kids just to get that measly $45. One day when I was leaving to go, I wanted $2 for an ice cream cone (I was pregnant at the time and that was my thing during that pregnancy). I asked him for $2 and he said no. I reached into his wallet and took $2 anyway. So he came after me. I took out the butcher knife but he ran outside to get to the car first so I couldn I put away the knife and ran out the back door to try to get to the car first but he got there before me. I reached in to try to grab the car keys out of the ignition when he rolled the window up as hard as he could. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I thought he was going to break my arm. I was able to backhand him and he unrolled the window. A little while later I ran to the neighbors to call the police because he ripped the phone lines out. I was there for about 15-20 minutes calling the police, family, and my friends to come and help. When I got back to the house, he had taken both cars (hid one in the neighborhood) and went to work. He left my 9-month-old and 1 1/2-year-old children all by themselves (and at the time I lived on a very busy street where cars would drive by at 50 mph). When I walked in, they were sitting on the living room floor screaming at the top of their lungs. The next morning I was in the shower and I lifted up my arms to wash my hair when out of the corner of my eye I saw something on the underside of my arm. It was a jet black bruise about four to five inches long by about two inches wide. It was literally jet black. I was stunned. When I called the police, I told them what was going on with his abuse. I told them I was pregnant with two little ones at home. I told them I had no food. I told them and showed them the bruise and I told them I wanted to press assault charges. They said, He did that to you? I said yes. I said, I want him arrested for assault. I told them where he worked. They turned around and told me that because the incident happened the day before that there was nothing they would do and that they weren They told me to just let him lie low for a while. This happened in 1996. We are not talking the 50s here. This was just before they handed me a pamphlet on battered women and battered women The pamphlet said there does not have to be any sign of physical abuse. If you are in a situation where you simply fear for your safety, the person can be arrested. And I am sitting there pregnant with ahuge, jet black bruise underneath my arm from where he rolled my arm up in the window. This is just a few tidbits of the life I have had with him. There have been some good times and good vacations but mostly bad. We have fought so bad for years and years that I know the toll it has taken on the kids. The guilt I have is insurmountable. If he buys groceries, I have to pay him back. If he pays the phone bill, I have to pay him back. If he buys me anything or gives me a $10 or $20 bill, I have to pay him back. Most of the time, I am not allowed to go into a store with him. I went with him once to Wal-Mart and I put a $2 box of sweetener into the carriage. That was it. I am now not allowed to go into a store with him. He screams at us that he pays the rent, therefore, it is his house and we have to learn to live the way he wants us to and we should be catering to him. If we don He has told me for years that he is a king and that the house is his castle and that he has allowed us to live with him because he is kind, loving, and gracious. He will only buy oneChristmas gift for his kids and no stocking stuffers or tape or wrapping paper or anything like that.I have to do that with what I get paid to do MT work. He doesn When they were little, I would tell him that the children needed some cool clothes for summer. He would take their little pants and cut them off and then take their turtleneck shirts and cut off the turtle neck and cut off the sleeves and say, There you go. There Or he would just tell me, Go ask your sister to buy them some clothes. He has threatened to kill me and the children if I leave. He has told me that he would kill me and the children before I would ever see child support. He has a sex fettish where he wants it all the time, every day multiple times in a day if he could get it (not that he does, mind you. I stopped that crazy crap a long time ago), and I am just supposed to stop all that I am doing and fulfill his needs (even though sex for me offers virtually nothing other than soreness,swelling, and boredom and has always been like this). If I don I am very overweight, I smoke like a chimney, my credit is destroyed, I don I have less now 14 years later than I did before I married him. At least before I married him I had my own very nice car and some clothes. I don My clothes are tattered, stained, and worn. And...I had dreams of what my life was going to be like when I got married. But it certainly was not a life like this. My kids are older now and they are seeing their father for who he is. He blames me and tells me it is all the bad stuff I am telling the children. I keep telling him it is what they have seen for 14 years. They beg me to divorce him. My youngest, who is 11, was diagnosed last year with severe ulcerative colitis. He has had a flare now for the past six weeks with at least ten bouts of diarrhea with blood every day. He talks about depression a lot and always asking me what it is. When I got the call last year from his pediatrician telling me to take him to the hospital for a possible blood transfusion (this was when we got his diagnosis), Ialmost fell on the floor from fear. I called my husband at work to tell him he needed to come home. He said, I can I have to work. He said, Don His red blood cell count had dropped to 7.2 froma normal of 12 because of his bleeding. He came to the hospital when he got out of work. He showed up at 6:00 p.m. We went outside and talked for a bit and then about 20 minutes after he showed up, he said, Well, I have to go home to eat and shower. I When I got angry, he said Hey, I I need to rest. Besides, there We still didn I didn I was scared to death. But he had to go home to eat and shower and rest!!!! I think that was the beginning of the end for me. I once read something on these boards that someone posted saying Marriage is not supposed to be a good deal for one and misery for the other. That is what my life has been. My marriage was a great deal for him...kids that he never has to pay for (I mean nothing...not school projects and believe me there are a ton of them, not clothes, not shoes, notebooks, backpacks, nothing), free sex, and a wife that he doesn I believe in my soul that my marriage was a good business deal for him. If you knew my husband, you would laugh at that statement because he is extremely uneducated and talks like a mentally retarded person. People in the past have actually asked me if he was mentally retarded. He thinks that if my son would drink lots and lots of water, that that will cure his ulcerative colitis and makes fun of me and insults me and everyone else. Itell him he is a moron and he doesn His abusive mother made them drink nothing but water. She would not buy them anything or strive for a better life. They lived in a nightmare life. So now he gets very angry when we woncure everything. He tells us that he is trying to show us how to live right but we just won He tells this to other people too including our landlord. He has the most disgusting habits. He picks scabs and eats them, he has eczema and psoriasis so he is one huge flake, which he enjoys picking off chunks and dropping them in a pile on the floor, he passes unbearable gas (like every two or three minutes that has such a horrid stench it makes all of us nauseous) and then flips out if we spray a room spray. He will actually grab the can and scream that this is his house and we are all just disgusting to live with and just impossible to live with. He just had a fight with my 12-year-old daughter tonight because he was passing tons and tons of gas and she sprayed a room spray. He got up in her face screaming at the top of his lungs at 11:00 at night that this is his house. He will pass gas all he wants and that he won She was crying and begging me to divorce him. She kept saying, You said it would be better for the family if you stayed married to him but it It won Well, I could go on and on. It has been 14 years of this but I think you get the picture. I have no money. I don I have a son who is going to need ongoing frequent medical care and I am afraid he will cancel the insurance if I do anything to get rid of him. I have a great fear for our safety. He has major problems with having to give up his money so to haveto pay child support will send him over the edge. He is a pathological liar so you can He told me, I would never allow anyone to judge me like that. You can tell the judge to kiss my balls. He seems to expect the absolute highest standards from the children and I but he doesn Never has and never will but will shove it down my throat when he doesn Well, any advice. I really am looking for legal advice for anyone else who has been through this. I know I need to get rid of him...for the kids sake. They need to see that life is not like this and not all men do this and that you don My daughter, who just turned 13, says to me she hates men with a passion. I told my niece that I felt like I was dying. I never, never, never, never leave my house except to go to Dunkin Donuts up the street to get a coffee. I haven And that is three hours probably once every two months. I am lonely, isolated, and ragingly angry. I want to go back to school but when I talk about that, he poo poos it saying I should go back in five or ten years or 15 years when my bills are paid and I can afford it. HELLO????? I am going to be 43 in October. Maybe I should just wait to go back to school until I Well you get the picture. If you By the way, when I bring up any of his abuse to him, he tells me I don Funny, he always remembers every time I swear at him though. Has never forgotten a single time.

Need advice on 16 year old daughter. SM [2008-06-29]
I just found out that my 16 1/2 year old daughter has been drinking and smoking and has been lying to me about this. I found out and confronted her and she came clean stating that she drinks, but has never been drunk, will just have enough to where she is happy and also smokes 3 to 4 cigarettes a month, she says. I have now lost complete trust in her because she has been lying to me all this time stating that she did not drink or smoke and neither did her friends, etc, etc. She has always been a good girl (or at least I thought so) and is an honor student. She just got her driver's license in May. The first thing that I have decided to do is to not let her drive for a while. This is my first experience with this and I need advice and guidance on what the appropriate punishment is. Please help.

Cold/sinus infection with beginning of period? [2008-06-25]
Okay, here The day before my period, for the last year or so, I get a horrendously bad cold/sinus infection/flu-type process. It usually goes away about a day or two after my period. I have never ever had this happen before and its really bad this month. I have all the symptoms... stuffiness, red runny eyes, runny stuffy nose, pounding headache, throat like daggers, etc. It started as postnasal drip yesterday and I thought ohhh great... here we go. Needless to say I was up most of last night in complete tears because of the pain of it all and not being able to swallow at all. I have tried researching on the internet about this happening, but can Has anyone heard of this or had this happen? I just want to stop it. truly, I would take the worst god awful cramps over this torture. I have had this both on and off the pill and I am only 31. Any information would be appreciated as I know what a wealth of information our community could be. Unfortunately, I am in Europe and so I can The doctors here don�t do anything about anything unless its major either and I know they will brush it off as some silly sinus infection, but it happens every month and goes away in 3 days on its own, so it can Any advice is welcome. I go home to the US in 6 months and I can wait if I have to, but maybe some angel out there knows something to help. I have tried tons of medications and herbal things/natropathic and nothing works except my period being established. Thanks in advance and sorry for the icky topic. ;)

Keep in mind I have zero experience with this, but...sm [2008-06-21]
first, has your mother told her lawyer about all of this? I would think her lawyer would have advice, or at least can refer her to someone in the know. Maybe she can charge your father really high rent with legal repercussions (eviction) if he fails to pay up? Ifyourfather has a girlfriend, why canwith her? Can he sell his 7 acres? Obviously I don What a tough situation; I feel bad you and your family have to go through this.

More info.. [2008-06-20]
First, her name is Dixie Lucille...she's precious! Second, I am in no way expecting her to be fully potty trained by now, my thing is she poops in her kennel, then gets it all over herself. She goes out at least every hour on the hour. She eats at 7, 12, and 5 every day, then goes out to potty, walk, etc. We did not get her from a *breeder* per se, a neighbor had pups so we got one from her. She was kept outside when she was with her family. We do the whole praise and treat thing when she goes outside. We play with her, we walk her regularly...I am a bit impatient by nature, guess that's something I need to work on. Anyway, thanks for all the advice. I My DH always wanted a Basset, so held out until he found one. She I'll keep y'all posted on her (and my) progress!

Eeek [2008-06-19]
As a person who worked with a trainer for a long time, please dongame all the time. Thatdon don) etc. is all attention whether good or bad. Dogs will do what they know gets them the most attention, good or bad. I hope that she learns soon. She's still pretty little, so just take her out a lot and try to make it a fun game she's playing and be excited... I hope that helps.

Attention: Anon....website for stepmoms [2008-06-14]
Anon, I read your post about your stepson. I just wanted to let you know that I belong to a wonderful website that allows stepmoms to talk about their issues, give advice, share positives thoughts, vent, etc. I have learned a lot from the wonderful ladies on there. Here is the website if your are interested. www.stepsforstepmothers.com

The ripple effect or Karma [2008-06-10]
I feel for the people who come to get advice or even vent and they get such negative comments when the person giving the negative comments does not know the entire situation. I once posted wanting to know if anyone knew of any self-help books for people who are in difficult marriages and how to feel good about yourself and all I received were posts saying divorce, take the kids and leave, etc, etc. I was not in a situation that would warrant leaving. But I too have read the posts below and there really are some terrible posts from people. I often think about a news story I heard awhile back about some lady who posted something on the internet about some girl and how she wasnnasty-grams and hurting others. I do believe in Karma and the Ripple effect and one day this will come back and bite them in the you know what.

Female hair loss [2008-06-06]
I I Of course, for the last few years I was on Zoloft, and now that I have stopped it we are hoping I soon will once again have a full head of hair, but just in case... How do you handle it? Wigs, scarves? My hair has always been my one vanity, so this is somewhat disturbing. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance, HC

I talked to a credit bureau [2008-06-04]
They told me that having too many credit cards is bad. I'm taking the advice from a distant relative who told me one time if you want something save for it, don't charge it but save and pay cash. She said you may have to wait a couple months depending on the price but in the end its worth it because you pay for the product, not the product plus all the interest the card charges you. But to answer your question, that is what the credit bureau told me. It will not reflect poorly.

my own gut feeling is to cancel sm [2008-06-04]
there i think that is really good advice to save and buy with cash. i do think it thanks for your input

Update [2008-06-01]
Some of you may recall a few weeks ago when I posted about getting into a verbal altercation with the mother of a child on the opposing team. I just wanted to give those of you who commented an update. We played that team again yesterday and the mother was there standing where I normally stand. I chose this time to stand on the opposite side of the field, even though my view was a little obstructed. I said nothing to her the entire game and didn I took your advice and kept my mouth shut. We lost the game, but that's okay because I had the chance firsthand to see the embarrassment a child suffers when parents get out of control Earlier this week, it was team picture night. The mother of the child on the opposing team was there, as was her husband who is one of the assistant coaches for their team. He made a nasty comment about the manager of his own team (using 4-letter words in front of the team) because the manager didnfired him from his assistant coaching position. So instead of just his mom standing in my usual spot, his dad was there, too. I can only imagine the embarrassment their child must have felt because his dad was not on the field. I know now that my actions could have caused me to be suspended from even watching a game or 2. I wouldn So thanks to all for your good advice. I have spent the last several weeks videotaping my kids rather than worrying about who

Done [2008-05-27]
Thank you for all the comments. My husband was apologetic but I am having an awfully hard time getting over what was said in his letter. Name calling hurts even as an adult. He has been trying, it is I that has a wall up and shut him out but the letter was the most awful thing anyone has ever done to me. I cannot even explain how hurtful it was. I tried counseling but all 3 times, the first bit if advice was to leave. I should explain that my kids do not see us fight, as there is no more fight in us. When we have had discussions in the past, it was done privately. I would never submit my kids to any of this, as they are the reason I live and reason I stay. They are the reason I struggle with this on a daily basis. It would be extremely easy to leave if they were not here. They are the very reason for my struggle. Is it right to leave a husband just because you are no longer in love when there are children involved? This is my struggle every day. There are days I think I can try and days I think about that stupid letter. I will continue with my struggle and thank you for your words. I was simply looking for those who could give me their experiences in staying versus leaving. My heart tells me to stay as he is not physically abusive, he is a great provider, and life would be very difficult on my own but it is hard, especially when you are feeling very unloved. God bless you all for the help you've given. Perhaps he will find a young hottie to replace me, then I can take half of all we have with a smile on my face (totally kidding but needed a laugh here).

EverydayMT...... [2008-05-27]
Done pointed specifically out that she always shielded her children from the fights they had. You just hear what you want to hear. So, they are not really in a it can be fixed. She was not giving good advice to Done, she was just telling Done h e r life story, about her homosexual husband, her mother-in-law, what has nothing to do with Done's case. Her case is completely different. sm says in her last comment that Done has been to a marriage counselor, who suggested that she leaves her husband with the advice to look for another 'good' counselor, who counsels her to 'stay'. Bottom line: You said it yourself..... Bad counselor tells Done to leave, 'good' counselor tells Done to 'stay'. So, if you have any logic left, I am here giving the 'good' advice and you are all giving the 'bad' advice. But reading out of Done's comments, I sense that Done has already made up her mind to leave and she only ask this forum to get her decision approved. She does not really ask for advice, she wants her decision confirmed. What do the children say to this all? What do they want? On whose side are they? I hope that Done stays, they should try to communicate with each other again, t a l k to each other.

You are sooo right! [2008-05-27]
I was simply posting from my point of view. I Now I am so glad I didn She To Done: Please follow your own heart and mind. We don Just consider all your options, you'll know what is right for you and your family... To EverydayMT: You need some reading lessons, Hooked on Phonics perhaps?

Fo Done: Is it right to leave a husband... [2008-05-27]
My answer to your question, in your case, is: No. Maybe now you reject your husband so much because of this letter he wrote you, but I am sure that he regrets it and he wrote it in a state 'when he was out of his mind'. He apologized! It is very seldom that men apologize. Give him some t i m e to prove (oh my, I really think in this case it is prove, because it can be replaced by 'showing', but if the majority says it's proof, ok, then it's proof, I am confused now) that he wants to treat you better, give him another chance. Don't forget, but forgive. I am the only one who advises you to stay; I cannot believe this. All others give you their own 'horror stories', much worse than yours. Is this giving advice? Counseling? Keep in mind, you can often give it a try, make it a little better, day by day, it takes only o n c e to leave and this is it, it's final. Maybe if you stay, down the road, you will thank me for telling you to stay. But......if he starts to physically abuse you, leave immediatley. Now I am already expecting comments like.... 'emotional abuse is even worse than physical abuse....etc....' It depends on the grade of verbal abuse; some people regard even criticism as emotional and verbal abuse.

What you need... [2008-05-25]
Please don I am not just talking a professional. A friend, a support group, anyone who may be willing to listen and perhaps office comfort and advice. I can It really does a number on the self-esteem. I have even gone so far as calling the police on him twice when he has been raging. I don It is a give and take sometimes but I always feel better for it. I also have found that sometimes you do have to let go and move on. I was married to my first husband for 13 years, called it quits with him and did find love again, not sure if it is better or not but it has its good days. Just keep your chin up and know that he is the one with the problem and it does not have anything to do with you. Sometimes people are already broken before we get them and we cannot always fix them. Please just ahng in there though. If you need to talk, you can always call me, I am willing to listen if it will help you. Shoot me an e-mail if you want.

Dear Melisa: It depends.... [2008-05-25]
what your gut feeling is telling you. I think you know if he loves you or not. Do you want to stay or not? If one has so much doubt to stay in a relationship or not, I think it is time to let go before it gets too late. How come that you still love him so much although he treats you so badly? I do not want to sound rude, but according to what you told us, I would say that he does not love you (anymore). Besides, there are so many negative aspects for y o u in this relationship and I doubt that it will get better with time. You are being used. Real friends tell you what's going to help you, not what you want to hear. I also doubt that a support group will help you in the long run, as he seems to be quite controlling. Then, everybody has his own opinion, this will only confuse you, you have to come to your own decision, especially regarding marriage. Sorry for being so blunt, but that's what I think. It's better that you get over it and move on. Now I am sitting here and ponder if I should post this comment or not. Is it too rude? Why don't you ask Dr. Phil? Sometimes he gives real good advice and counseling. I think your situation asks for expert advice. I really wish all the best and be careful.........

Potty training puppy [2008-05-20]
I just gota new puppy yesterday. It was a stray that someone put up on craig It looks as though she was abused by her previous owner because she is so shy and scared around my husband (she does not like men), but is not that way with me. In fact, she follows me around all day long. I can She is peeing everywhere. What are your tips on potty training a dog. I do not want to scold her because she is already very shy and afraid. And what about tips on when I am trying to work. If I do not give her attention for a short while, she starts to whine. It is like having a baby here. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

Providing references when getting auto loan [2008-05-15]
I have to buy a car and the finance company (Capital One) requires 10 references. I don't know this many people. Has anyone been in a similar situation...what did you do? I have family, but do not want them to know that I am buying a car. Any advice?

Baby fits...sm [2008-05-08]
I kept my niece this last weekend, and she threw one of these little tantrums I guess you would call it. She is only 7 months but she would throw her head back and buck back and forth and scream and kick. What can you do? You can They are just babies. I don My husband was holding her because I was cooking and he said I think she is just being ugly. So he said I tell you what kid if you do that again you are getting in the playpen and you will just have to sit there and throw your fit. She wouldn And then the little stinker would grin. After she had just threw an awful tantrum. My sister-in-law said she started to do this with her mom too. I don Maybe my son was just a good baby because he cried and all but not throwing his head back and kicking and flopping like that. What advice would you have when keeping a baby that does this? How would you try to deter them from behaving this way or can you?

Advice about a bully sm [2008-05-07]
My daughter is in 2nd grade. She has a friend who has been basically bullying her since the beginning of the school year. My daughter has a big heart and still wanted to be friends with her. They have argued every day. They have had play dates and sleepovers, and they have all ended up in arguments. I chaperoned on a field trip with her class and witnessed what I consider bullying by this friend. I finally got fed up and told my daughter to play with some of the other girls and that a real friend wouldn't treat her that way. Well, my daughter told this to the friend. The friend mom called and left a voicemail stating she was appalled at my behavior and that I am not a Christian for saying it. I called her back and told her to ask her daughter how she behaved on the field trip. I also told her that the girls have been arguing on a daily basis all year long.The whole time I talked the mom said nothing at all and hung up on me. I emailed the teacher and told her what had happened, and I plan to talk to her some time today hopefully. I know I should have said something sooner to the teacher, but I figured these were 8-year-old girls and they would work it out without getting me involved. This friend even wrote a letter to my daughter, telling her that she wasn But, my daughter still tried to be friends with her. I guess this is my first experience with a bully. How do I handle this? I I'm glad I told the teacher about it, though. Thanks!

I've dealt with this on both sides. [2008-05-07]
I have 3 boys. My oldest son is very giving and caring (sounds like your daughter). He Different responses apply to each individual bully. Some bullies can be dealt with best by the school or their parents. These are usually the kids who come from good homes and their parents don I generally deal with the parents if they If not, I go straight to the school. Other bullies come from parents who donthey do. These kids are the hardest to deal with.I have had to face these bullies myself. I flat out told them if they continue to pick on my son or bully him, I will call the police and they will be dealt with as a juvenile deliquent. This seemed to stop things pretty quick. I also followed that up with the letting school know what was going on because I had a feeling the child might pick on my son when I The school was great about this and were well aware of this bully It alerted them to keep a closer watch on my son at recess when this kid was around. The other side of the fence is my 7-year-old son. I had gottena call from his teacher early in the school year that he was bullying a couple of smaller kids. My son had a late birthday, so I held him for kindergarten, making him a year older than most of his peers. There didn From that first call I got from his teacher, I made it very clear to him that I would not tolerate bullying from him. I also told him the school would be watching him and if I hear any reports of him bullying others, I would punish him at home as well. Other than a few minor kid things, he I even explained to him that because he was bigger than the little kids, he needed to protect them and watch over them like a big brother. He I was very proud of him and needless to say, he has a lot of girlfriends now. My point here is that not all parents know what their kids are like outside of the home. It Unfortunately, she was already hurt and angry when you talked to her and it probably didn I would suggest sticking with the teacher from now on with this one, and in the future, bring any problems immediately to the teacher Most importantly, I have also taught my children to stand up for themselves, use a firm voice, but walk away if it The only time I allow my children to hit is if they Our school has a zero tolerance for fighting, and it just wouldn Hang in there. She It goes on and on. In that case, I They get less catty as they get older (I hope).