Define "really abusive"

Define "really abusive" [2008-05-29]
That phrase alone tells me you have never been in an abusive relationship. Writing a letter describing flaws can be just as demeaning (read abusive) as telling her to her face. Unless, you have been in a similar situation, you really have no right to say her husband is not really abusive. Mental abuse is just as debilitating as physical abuse, and that is exactly what the letter was intended to be. And yes, I too believe in marriage, but a date night isn't going to change the abusive type of behavior.

Classic sign of an abusive is a very , very fast romance - sm [2008-04-20]
leading to marriage, which it appears you have done. He has successfully isolated you from your family and controls everything you do. He is deciding where you live, what he wants to do, work, etc. You donis his house (it is in his name only but we bought it 10 years ago while we were married, so it is every bit mine as his). So if you get to the point when you are sick of his controlling ways, go see a lawyer. I plan to soon myself just to see where I would stand in the event of a divorce. We both have our faults in my marriage and I think it is smart thing to find out what could or could not happen in the event of a divorce. You might want to see what your rights are too, cannot hurt. As for your sister coming, just say, Mary is coming to visit and tough cookies if this bothers you. She has never been here before and I want to see my sister and niece and if you don't like it make yourself scarce while they are here. ---Good luck.

ABUSIVE HUSBAND! [2008-04-18]
YOU ASKED! I think you need, at the very least, to get professional couple counseling. This is clearly spousal abuse and you need to learn why you have letting it go on so long. If he won't go (and I'd bet money he won't), then go by yourself and learn why you have put up with this for so long. I am sorry you are hurting, but you have the power to change all this. You could start, at the very least, by reading self-help books about assertiveness training, spousal abuse, self-esteem,etc. Good luck! (By the way I was in private practice as a psychotherapist for years, and am a medical transcription teacher now.)

Your father was violent, abusive, totally different than all above [2007-12-19]
NM

Abusive to women, animals - thank goodness there are no children involved. (sm) [2007-07-25]
get her out of that situation before any more harm comes about. Youngest daughter once dated a guy and we discovered she was afraid to not be ready on time, to wear something he didn't like, etc. Soon we found out there were bruises on her upper arms and near her breasts. Needless to say, we marched her to the courthouse, got an ex parte. He broke into our house after that when he thought she was home alone, we pressed charges and had that young man paying court costs for quite some time in addition to going to anger management classes. We were lucky, we got her out before it was too late. He had her emotionally beat down to the point she couldn't stand up on her own. Heaven help those without a support system.

I agree with Stardust and Deb...... [2008-12-01]
your sisters are toxic and you need to let them go. Even though they are family, there is no reason why you have to put up with that crap. When people take away your happiness knowingly, it is time to let go. It sounds as though you have done all you could and things obviously are not going to get better. Keep your relationship with your older sister but cut ties with the others. I have an aunt who is like that. Unfortunately she is 80 so because of that, I try to suck it up but it is so hard. If she were younger, I would have cut all communication long ago. She is abusive, insults me at every chance, etc. Funny how I am the only one who calls her every two days and goes up to see her all the time. When I call or go up, it is very stressful. I know what you are dealing with and no one should have to feel inadequate at the expense of another person.

Thanks everyone sm [2008-11-20]
I didnthey would even get in the door, though, because my husband would probably slam the door. This kills me too because without the substance abuse, he is a good person, and I wish he could just see that he could be that person again. He is not and has never been physically abusive, but the verbal abuse is just as painful. Addiction and depression are hard things to conquer, but this is his last chance with me. I am so thankful that I have the ability to get up and go with this profession and that I have somewhere to go.

this is horrible [2008-11-19]
He wants to (literally) have his cake & eat it too? He wants to eat the same amount but spend less, & the way he will go about this is to starve you? Outrageous. Borders on, if not spills over into, abusive. All you are doing by going along with this is proving that his plan works. For heaven's sake, don't enable his creepy behavior by quitting eating! You eat what you need to eat, & the first time he can't have seconds he will know the plan is unworkable.

No one is judging a dog. Dogs [2008-11-09]
don They are animals. The point that I continue to make is that IT DOES NOT MATTER what this elderly man did. The pets in the home attacked and killed him. NoPET should ever be capable by temperament of attacking and killing a human being. For the sake of your argument, if the man reached out witha cane and rapped the dog on the head, in your mind would that justify the reactions of the dog to kill the person who struck him? How many other dog breeds would run behind the couch or under a table whenconfronted withabusivetreatment? How many other dog breeds wouldgrowl? Bark?Nip? Bite?No one is saying that an animalshould not defend itself, but a dog whose defense is to kill a human is a dog that should NOT be kept as a pet.A dog is an animal and does not think like a human, as you have pointed out, and that is precisely the thing that makes them unpredictable and makes the pitbull breed attacked unprovoked. It is all in what the dog perceives as a threat, whicha humancannot always predict, or more importantly, cannot always prevent.

Gays march for their rights to be involved with their long-time partners [2008-10-17]
health care should a drastic decision be made. It is usually a family member...even though we are the ones who take care of our partners when they are sick or dying. We fight for the right not to be thrown out of a shared house by the partner's parents. We want to honor our partner's wishes when they die as we are the ones who have spent years with them - not the family. These are just a few examples. As far as your comment that we influence young people - that is absurd. All we want is to live our life and as pxmt said, be able to walk down the street without abusive comments, being assaulted, ridiculed, etc. The school system is not segregating gay children - they are making it gay friendly and teaching tolerance. Suicide is very high in gay children because of the parents who teach their children that it is evil and it is okay to bash a gay child. These schools are just trying to save the lives of young children. As far as your comment that Christian's homes and churches are burned, sorry but I cannot recall one incident that I have read or saw on the news. Temples yes. As far as being assaulted for your beliefs, could it be because you stand in front of abortion clinics and gun down the doctors and nurses that come out or go into the clinic? Could it be that you bully the 15 and 16-year-olds who have been raped and want an abortion? Sorry to say this, at least we (gays) are not violent and just want to be left alone.

When you mentioned the Goldman family that [2008-10-06]
really brought back memories when I sat in front of my TV on my break and heard the verdict. As long as I live I will not forget the loud cries of Kim Goldman as her dad held her in the courtroom when they read an innocent verdict. I was literally sick. I will hush now, too, but we had to sit by all these years and look at that joke of a man having lap dances, etc. I almost lost my dinner over that one. Have a good day. I am smiling with you. I was only a matter of time for someone like him with his anger, abusive natureand need to control.

My hubby and I love each other very much [2008-09-17]
But he is very egotistical, and he knows it. He is also a genius (literally) and has a hard time sometimes understanding that we don't understand! I always tell him he is a genius with the common sense of a gnat (in a very loving way). He has been having rough times at work and the talk we had last night was about his crappy attitude. He actually acted a little better today. He is in NO WAY mentally abusive to me nor does he mean to be. BTDT, not doing it again. Your right, life is to short, which is exactly why sometimes I keep my mouth shut. I love him, and I know he loves me. What is that old saying, something about choosing your battles. When he gets on one of his rants for lack of a better word, I just listen patiently, then I'll pick him apart later if I feel the need LOL. Everyone needs a vent now and then, doesn't mean life is all bad. Having to raise 3 teenagers at the same time, now THAT is abuse LOL.

What's her reason for moving out of dad's house? [2008-08-07]
I think that is a big factor. Is this something she does from time to time because she doesn't like the rules or gets in an argument? Or do you think she just misses you and wants to spend time with you? Do you think she plans on getting her own place at 18, going away to college, or staying on for awhile? I think that matters too. If this is habitual or temporary, she can tough it out (as long as it's not an abusive situation). Life isn't easy as an adult and she will be finding that out very soon either way. You aren't a bad parent because you want her to be independent and not think everything is owed to her. The sooner she learns that, the better off she will be.

I'm not really sure. [2008-07-01]
She said she was and then went to the doctor who said she was too. I don I was just under the understanding that you could get pregnant but the woman Now, I have heard of some rare cases where they have attached to organs, but that is at a huge risk for the mother and the unborn fetus with internal bleeding being a huge complication and more often than not they are miscarried. However, with her not having a menstrual period for 13 years.....I I don My MIL said she wouldn There are much more deserving people who want a baby so bad and can This woman is just a complete ignoramus. She is just white trash. I hate to say that....but she is. She lies. She smells of BO and tobacco. My sister-in-law met the supposed father of her twins in an internet chat room. He is a truck driver. Now that she told him she is pregnant, he won What the heck? I mean really! Should I just call Jerry Springer and get it over with? LOL

Well, now it's my turn to tell my story...(Beware..this is long) [2008-06-29]
Well, I just don I was 26 years old when I met and married my husband. It will be14 years ago this August. I was a platinum blond, Swedish, 26-year-old, voluptuous virgin waiting for my prince to come. I had never dated because I was too fearful and shy. My mother always told me that my prince was coming. She just didnthe prince of darkness. It has been a nightmare, although he says it has been great with only a few bumps along the way. He is abusive in every way including verbally, mentally, emotionally, some physical although very little (not an excuse, just telling it the way it is), what I feel is sexual abuse with me but not the children,but the worst by far is his financial abuse. He has told me many, many times, Who do you think YOU are? What do you think...that you I can find a dozen more women like you. I have three children, now ages 14, 13, and 11. 14-year-old has ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder. My husbandis just like this although he has never been diagnosed and never would be because in his own words, I am perfect just like God made me. There is nothing wrong with me. The problem here is you. My credit is down the toilet. Credit score is about 500. His is 800. Through the years, when the children were babies I had to feed them dry cereal with a cup of water because he wouldn One very hot night in the summer, I had to feed them generic hot dogs and pink beans, which were some kind of bean that slithered out of the can in a gelatinous material. The kids werewere dry heaving at the table. One day when I was about 8 months pregnant with my last child, he came up to me and said, Well, I I said what He said (very matter of fact), I I won If you want something, get off your f______fat a__ and get a job. I had a 6-month-old and a 1 1/2-year-old and 8 months pregnant with the third one. What!! Get a job!! Are you crazy?? He said, Oh well. Famous last words. That is all I ever hear. He has ripped out phone lines, denied us food and clothing. We have two cars. He used to hide the car I would drive around the neighborhood so I couldn He would even take the carseats. One time when I was pregnant, I had no money so my girlfriend needed a babysitter a few hours a week. She lives in Connecticut, which is about 45 minutes from my home. She could only pay $45 a week but I would drive up there four days a week to watch those kids just to get that measly $45. One day when I was leaving to go, I wanted $2 for an ice cream cone (I was pregnant at the time and that was my thing during that pregnancy). I asked him for $2 and he said no. I reached into his wallet and took $2 anyway. So he came after me. I took out the butcher knife but he ran outside to get to the car first so I couldn I put away the knife and ran out the back door to try to get to the car first but he got there before me. I reached in to try to grab the car keys out of the ignition when he rolled the window up as hard as he could. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I thought he was going to break my arm. I was able to backhand him and he unrolled the window. A little while later I ran to the neighbors to call the police because he ripped the phone lines out. I was there for about 15-20 minutes calling the police, family, and my friends to come and help. When I got back to the house, he had taken both cars (hid one in the neighborhood) and went to work. He left my 9-month-old and 1 1/2-year-old children all by themselves (and at the time I lived on a very busy street where cars would drive by at 50 mph). When I walked in, they were sitting on the living room floor screaming at the top of their lungs. The next morning I was in the shower and I lifted up my arms to wash my hair when out of the corner of my eye I saw something on the underside of my arm. It was a jet black bruise about four to five inches long by about two inches wide. It was literally jet black. I was stunned. When I called the police, I told them what was going on with his abuse. I told them I was pregnant with two little ones at home. I told them I had no food. I told them and showed them the bruise and I told them I wanted to press assault charges. They said, He did that to you? I said yes. I said, I want him arrested for assault. I told them where he worked. They turned around and told me that because the incident happened the day before that there was nothing they would do and that they weren They told me to just let him lie low for a while. This happened in 1996. We are not talking the 50s here. This was just before they handed me a pamphlet on battered women and battered women The pamphlet said there does not have to be any sign of physical abuse. If you are in a situation where you simply fear for your safety, the person can be arrested. And I am sitting there pregnant with ahuge, jet black bruise underneath my arm from where he rolled my arm up in the window. This is just a few tidbits of the life I have had with him. There have been some good times and good vacations but mostly bad. We have fought so bad for years and years that I know the toll it has taken on the kids. The guilt I have is insurmountable. If he buys groceries, I have to pay him back. If he pays the phone bill, I have to pay him back. If he buys me anything or gives me a $10 or $20 bill, I have to pay him back. Most of the time, I am not allowed to go into a store with him. I went with him once to Wal-Mart and I put a $2 box of sweetener into the carriage. That was it. I am now not allowed to go into a store with him. He screams at us that he pays the rent, therefore, it is his house and we have to learn to live the way he wants us to and we should be catering to him. If we don He has told me for years that he is a king and that the house is his castle and that he has allowed us to live with him because he is kind, loving, and gracious. He will only buy oneChristmas gift for his kids and no stocking stuffers or tape or wrapping paper or anything like that.I have to do that with what I get paid to do MT work. He doesn When they were little, I would tell him that the children needed some cool clothes for summer. He would take their little pants and cut them off and then take their turtleneck shirts and cut off the turtle neck and cut off the sleeves and say, There you go. There Or he would just tell me, Go ask your sister to buy them some clothes. He has threatened to kill me and the children if I leave. He has told me that he would kill me and the children before I would ever see child support. He has a sex fettish where he wants it all the time, every day multiple times in a day if he could get it (not that he does, mind you. I stopped that crazy crap a long time ago), and I am just supposed to stop all that I am doing and fulfill his needs (even though sex for me offers virtually nothing other than soreness,swelling, and boredom and has always been like this). If I don I am very overweight, I smoke like a chimney, my credit is destroyed, I don I have less now 14 years later than I did before I married him. At least before I married him I had my own very nice car and some clothes. I don My clothes are tattered, stained, and worn. And...I had dreams of what my life was going to be like when I got married. But it certainly was not a life like this. My kids are older now and they are seeing their father for who he is. He blames me and tells me it is all the bad stuff I am telling the children. I keep telling him it is what they have seen for 14 years. They beg me to divorce him. My youngest, who is 11, was diagnosed last year with severe ulcerative colitis. He has had a flare now for the past six weeks with at least ten bouts of diarrhea with blood every day. He talks about depression a lot and always asking me what it is. When I got the call last year from his pediatrician telling me to take him to the hospital for a possible blood transfusion (this was when we got his diagnosis), Ialmost fell on the floor from fear. I called my husband at work to tell him he needed to come home. He said, I can I have to work. He said, Don His red blood cell count had dropped to 7.2 froma normal of 12 because of his bleeding. He came to the hospital when he got out of work. He showed up at 6:00 p.m. We went outside and talked for a bit and then about 20 minutes after he showed up, he said, Well, I have to go home to eat and shower. I When I got angry, he said Hey, I I need to rest. Besides, there We still didn I didn I was scared to death. But he had to go home to eat and shower and rest!!!! I think that was the beginning of the end for me. I once read something on these boards that someone posted saying Marriage is not supposed to be a good deal for one and misery for the other. That is what my life has been. My marriage was a great deal for him...kids that he never has to pay for (I mean nothing...not school projects and believe me there are a ton of them, not clothes, not shoes, notebooks, backpacks, nothing), free sex, and a wife that he doesn I believe in my soul that my marriage was a good business deal for him. If you knew my husband, you would laugh at that statement because he is extremely uneducated and talks like a mentally retarded person. People in the past have actually asked me if he was mentally retarded. He thinks that if my son would drink lots and lots of water, that that will cure his ulcerative colitis and makes fun of me and insults me and everyone else. Itell him he is a moron and he doesn His abusive mother made them drink nothing but water. She would not buy them anything or strive for a better life. They lived in a nightmare life. So now he gets very angry when we woncure everything. He tells us that he is trying to show us how to live right but we just won He tells this to other people too including our landlord. He has the most disgusting habits. He picks scabs and eats them, he has eczema and psoriasis so he is one huge flake, which he enjoys picking off chunks and dropping them in a pile on the floor, he passes unbearable gas (like every two or three minutes that has such a horrid stench it makes all of us nauseous) and then flips out if we spray a room spray. He will actually grab the can and scream that this is his house and we are all just disgusting to live with and just impossible to live with. He just had a fight with my 12-year-old daughter tonight because he was passing tons and tons of gas and she sprayed a room spray. He got up in her face screaming at the top of his lungs at 11:00 at night that this is his house. He will pass gas all he wants and that he won She was crying and begging me to divorce him. She kept saying, You said it would be better for the family if you stayed married to him but it It won Well, I could go on and on. It has been 14 years of this but I think you get the picture. I have no money. I don I have a son who is going to need ongoing frequent medical care and I am afraid he will cancel the insurance if I do anything to get rid of him. I have a great fear for our safety. He has major problems with having to give up his money so to haveto pay child support will send him over the edge. He is a pathological liar so you can He told me, I would never allow anyone to judge me like that. You can tell the judge to kiss my balls. He seems to expect the absolute highest standards from the children and I but he doesn Never has and never will but will shove it down my throat when he doesn Well, any advice. I really am looking for legal advice for anyone else who has been through this. I know I need to get rid of him...for the kids sake. They need to see that life is not like this and not all men do this and that you don My daughter, who just turned 13, says to me she hates men with a passion. I told my niece that I felt like I was dying. I never, never, never, never leave my house except to go to Dunkin Donuts up the street to get a coffee. I haven And that is three hours probably once every two months. I am lonely, isolated, and ragingly angry. I want to go back to school but when I talk about that, he poo poos it saying I should go back in five or ten years or 15 years when my bills are paid and I can afford it. HELLO????? I am going to be 43 in October. Maybe I should just wait to go back to school until I Well you get the picture. If you By the way, when I bring up any of his abuse to him, he tells me I don Funny, he always remembers every time I swear at him though. Has never forgotten a single time.

Neither. Not seen dad in the 21st Century, but did see mom to meet my stepfather. sm [2008-06-18]
They were very young when I was born, only 16 and 19. I have a younger brother who is gay and they have both pushed him away too, though mom a bit less. They were very controlling, highly critical and verbally abusive. The only thing I regret about the lack of relationship is that they managed to drive a wedge between my brother and I. I would thrilled to see him and build a new, grown up relationship, but they have made that impossible. And for the record...I didn't see either of my parents for about 10 yrs and then decided to try again in my late 30s and early 40s. It proved fruitless. They were more angry, more belittling and just as abusive as ever. I tried, but then again I have changed and I no longer need that sort of negativity in my life.

Wow. I am in the same position but with three kids BEGGING me to... [2008-06-17]
divorce their day. He is absolutely horrible. He is verbally abusive, mentally abusive, emotionally abusive, horrifically financially abusive, etc... I could go on and on and on. I had the same question when my three children were young. They are all a year apart. I knew if I divorced him when they were very young, he could partial custody or certainly visitation rights. Now, I don't care. They are 14, 13, and 12. I am going to give them the choice of whether or not they want to see their dad, which from what they tell me, they say they won't be happy until he is dead. Sad situation for those of us in it. You are in my thoughts. It's a brutal situation to be in. I know...I am there.

Why do people get attacked on here? [2008-06-10]
You know I was just reading the below thread from the upset stepmom. I think it is so sad how so many people come to this board when they need support and during their time of need, they just end up getting attacked. Do these attackers ever think about their impact on the person who originally posted the thread? That person could be severely depressed and they are making them feel even worse. I just do not understand why these people who do not agree with the original poster just can The person is looking for support, not insults. Just like we are taught in kindergarten...If you do not have anything nice to say, then do not say anything at all. This is the most unfriendly and abusive discussion board I have even seen. There are much nicer MT boards and I am joining those. I am sick of the attacks on this board. These attacking posters have become mean, hurtful, hardhearted and noncaring. Maybe they are miserable in their own lives and want to trashtalk others on here. I personally think they should get a life.

I think Dyson [2008-05-29]
Dyson will be my next cleaner. In 1981, I got a Kirby and LOVED it.. It has now died - we were quite abusive to it. . I'm not sure the newer Kirby's are as good though so I like what I hear about Dyson. My daughter has one and really likes it.

Define "really abusive" [2008-05-29]
That phrase alone tells me you have never been in an abusive relationship. Writing a letter describing flaws can be just as demeaning (read abusive) as telling her to her face. Unless, you have been in a similar situation, you really have no right to say her husband is not really abusive. Mental abuse is just as debilitating as physical abuse, and that is exactly what the letter was intended to be. And yes, I too believe in marriage, but a date night isn't going to change the abusive type of behavior.

My husband has done nothing to me [2008-05-27]
He is very loving and supportive and respectful. I would not tolerate anything less. I was in a mentally abusive relationship before when I was younger. Thankfully, my mother had enough sense to pull me out of it. That man went onto marry and abuse his next 3 wives. I would see his name in the local newspaper in the police log for domestic violence. What this man is doing to her is considered mental abuse. I would ponder that your husband does not treat you in such a manner. Judging from your other responses on this board, I get the feeling you wouldn Either that or he's made you so miserable, you feel the need to make others so as well. As I posted above to Ms. Done, I was a child in a loveless marriage and it My parents were both excellent providers and I love them, but I wish they would have just ended it when it was over instead of dragging us through it. The sleep I lost worrying about whether they were going to kill each other was more than I could take. I went out of my way to make sure I did not end up in a loveless marriage. Ms. Done has been put down enough. If your suggestion is to stay in the marriage, that You know nothing about her to make such comments as spoiled. You should think before you type. Some of the other comments you

To see msg.... [2008-05-27]
Ok, ok, calm down. I do not try to make others feel miserable, the contrary, I try to save marriages, because I believe in marriage and when it's broken, it's broken, no going back. Done's husband is not really abusive. What they have is a communication problem. They have to stop writing letters and t a l k to each other. They should actually go on a date: They should set certain days aside and agree to meet at a certain hour, let's say in the evening - children not present - and talk to each other, for an hour or so. Or go out, have some fun! Each of them can tell the other one what her/his problems are. If the conversations become too heated, one should just get up and leave the room to calm down. No shouting and yelling is allowed and no insults. I hope it can be fixed. Why do you a l l advise her to leave her family and start a new life? In my opinion this marriage can be saved.

Done [2008-05-27]
Thank you for all the comments. My husband was apologetic but I am having an awfully hard time getting over what was said in his letter. Name calling hurts even as an adult. He has been trying, it is I that has a wall up and shut him out but the letter was the most awful thing anyone has ever done to me. I cannot even explain how hurtful it was. I tried counseling but all 3 times, the first bit if advice was to leave. I should explain that my kids do not see us fight, as there is no more fight in us. When we have had discussions in the past, it was done privately. I would never submit my kids to any of this, as they are the reason I live and reason I stay. They are the reason I struggle with this on a daily basis. It would be extremely easy to leave if they were not here. They are the very reason for my struggle. Is it right to leave a husband just because you are no longer in love when there are children involved? This is my struggle every day. There are days I think I can try and days I think about that stupid letter. I will continue with my struggle and thank you for your words. I was simply looking for those who could give me their experiences in staying versus leaving. My heart tells me to stay as he is not physically abusive, he is a great provider, and life would be very difficult on my own but it is hard, especially when you are feeling very unloved. God bless you all for the help you've given. Perhaps he will find a young hottie to replace me, then I can take half of all we have with a smile on my face (totally kidding but needed a laugh here).

Once again you are rude [2008-05-27]
I donhey, so what if your being abused the bruises are not visible, stay in, keep letting him treat you like this, because there is not a visible injury the kids don. You know what. The kids DO care. Kids want their parents to be happy. When the parents are happy they have so much more to give to the kids instead of having to hide the misery they are going through. Sure sometimes its hard in the beginning but kids are genuinely more happy when their parents are happy. And they will in turn learn to treat their spouses with respect. Of course someone should try counseling before just up and leaving, but if you have a spouse that writes you letters pointing out your errors and flaws and then feels they have done nothing wrong that is not healthy. If that spouse will not agree to counseling then there are another alternative and that is to leave. Do not stay in an abusive relationship and keep being abused by a spouse because you have to stay there for your kids. That was what people did in the 60s and 70s and probably before then. This is the year 2008. There are better ways to live.

athiest soldier doesn't believe in God but [2008-04-27]
I commend for this man for standing up for what he doesn't believe in! http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352703,00.html JUNCTION CITY, Kan.� Like hundreds of young men joining the Army in recent years, Jeremy Hall professes a desire to serve his country while it fights terrorism. But the short and soft-spoken specialist is at the center of a legal controversy. He has filed a lawsuit alleging he FONT-SIZE: 100%! important; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1px! important; COLOR: darkgreen! important; BORDER-BOTTOM: darkgreen 0.07em solid; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent! important; TEXT-DECORATION: underline! important href=http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352703,00.html# target=_blank itxtdid=4915055>Robert Gates. I Hall said. I want no one else to go what I went through. Known as the atheist guy, Hall has been called immoral, a devil worshipper and � just as severe to some soldiers � gay, none of which, he says, is true. Hall even drove fellow soldiers to church in Iraq and paused while they prayed before meals. I see a name and rank and United States flag on their shoulder. That he said. Hall, 23, was raised in a Protestant family in North Carolina and dropped out of school before earning his GED. It wasn't until after he joined the Army that he began questioning religion, eventually deciding he couldn't follow any faith. /**/ But he feared how that would look to other soldiers. I was ashamed to say that I was an atheist, Hall said. It eventually came out in Iraq in 2007, when he was in a firefight. Hall was a gunner on a Humvee, which took several bullets in its protective shield. Afterward, his commander asked whether he believed in God, Hall said. I said, I The issue came to a head when, according to Hall, a superior officer, Maj. Freddy J. Welborn, threatened to bring charges against him for trying to hold a meeting of atheists in Iraq. Welborn has denied Hall's allegations. Hall said he had had enough but feared he wouldn't get support from Welborn's superiors. He turned to Mikey Weinstein and the Military Religious Freedom Foundation. Weinstein is the foundation's president and a U.S. Air Force Academy graduate. He had previously sued the Air Force for acts he said illegally imposed Christianity on students at the academy, though that case was dismissed. He calls Hall a hero. The average American doesn Weinstein said. You know how hard it is to take on your chain of command? This isn Hall was in Qatar when the lawsuit was filed on Sept. 18 in federal court in Kansas City, Kan. Other soldiers learned of it and he feared for his own safety. Once, Hall said, a group of soldiers followed him, harassing him, but no one did anything to make it stop. The Army told him it couldn't protect him and sent him back to Fort Riley. He resumed duties with a military police battalion. He believes his promotion to sergeant has been blocked because of his lawsuit, but he is a team leader responsible for two junior enlisted soldiers. No one with Fort Riley, the Army or Defense Department would comment about Hall or the lawsuit. Each issued statements saying that discrimination will not be tolerated regardless of race, religion or gender. The Department respects (and supports by its policy) the rights of others to their own religious beliefs, including the right to hold no beliefs, said Eileen Lainez, a spokeswoman for the Department of Defense. All three organizations said existing systems help soldiers address and resolve any perceived unfair treatment. Lt. Col. David Shurtleff, a Fort Riley chaplain, declined to discuss Hall's case but said chaplains accommodate all faiths as best they can. In most cases, religious issues can be worked out without jeopardizing military operations. When you FONT-SIZE: 100%! important; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1px! important; COLOR: darkgreen! important; BORDER-BOTTOM: darkgreen 0.07em solid; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent! important; TEXT-DECORATION: underline! important href=http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352703,00.html# target=_blank itxtdid=3594065>Afghanistan and an IED blows up a Humvee, they aren Shurtleff said. Hall said he enjoys being a team leader but has been told that having faith would make him a better leader. I will take care of my soldiers. Nowhere does it say I have to pray with my soldiers, but I do have to make sure my soldiers he said. Religion brings comfort to a lot of people, he said. Personally, I don Hall leaves the Army in April 2009. He would like to find work with the National Park Service or Environmental Protection Agency, anything outdoors. I hope this doesn Hall said of his lawsuit. It

Abuse [2008-04-18]
Your post makes me very sad. Your husband is abusive. Husbands and boyfriends come and go in our lives; however, family is ALWAYS family. Please seek counseling for yourself. You cannot change him. After you become stronger through counseling, you will see the situation clearly for what it is - abusive. Call your sister and invite her for a visit. Better yet, get a plane ticket and go see her. Don't ask, just do it. Best wishes. Lilly

stop it [2008-04-18]
Stop sitting back waiting for him to do something - it seems like you have to have his approval for everything - even to be upset - Stop waiting for him to change because he probably won't. Some people have suggested that he is abusive - I'm not sure about that because it seems like you ASK for something, he says no and that is the end of it. . STOP ASKING. She's your sister - for most people, this would not be a big deal. . For once, just tell him she is coming and you will be spending time with her. . Maybe his reaction won't be that bad, and if it is, so what?? Are you afraid of him?

the men have no control if they don't isolate them. [2008-04-17]
there are no public birth records -- the children are removed from the natural mothers to other women early on -- the children are brought up to think all the women are their mothers. and as far as being robotic -- like any other abusive/manipulative situations, these women DARE not go against the prescribed behavior or face dire consequences. Not to mention that they have been indoctrinated to have a huge fear of the outside world and how they would survive outside their compound...and believe that doing other than they are taught is going against God. They really need to be deprogrammed.

no...see msg [2008-04-08]
It sounds to me like your husband is not abusive but is dealing with a lot right now. I'm not saying it is okay to treat others badly, especially children. It does not seem that you think his actions are intentional. If he has so much stress and anxiety, I think you would be adding to it by telling him this. I agree with the other person that maybe you can just help him to realize this withuot saying it in a hurtful way.

yes and no [2008-04-02]
a person always needs to be forgiving, if they can. and not its not ridiculous to think of divorce after this amount of time. Do you talk to each other about it? my husband used to be occasionally abusive. i hung in there, and now after 26 yr we have a very solid, warm relationship. for us, it took time and communication and prayer. however every situation is different. i think the one thing you said that stands out, is that he was 'never terribly sorry'. that's huge. that will make you feel very unloved, and then self-preservation will cause you to wall your emotions off, in my opinion...maybe if you ask him what he thinks of your 'option', and you can really talk, you may find out he does in fact care a lot. ?? i wish you the best.