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Boy men are such children - sm [2008-11-26]
my DH is a j*e*r*k like that too sometimes. He refuses to stay at my dad's house because he re-married so quickly after my mom died. (he wants to stay in hotel--which is very expensive where they live--....though we have not done it yet because as yet he has refused to go, so I go w/o him and the kids and I have lots of fun--he did go once 2 years ago though he made us stay at a friends apartment, very silly). There is more to it than that but that is a big part of it, and he thinks my stepmom's family thinks he is a loser. He is hung up on what people think about him and imagines slights, looks, etc. all the time, very hard to live with. But he know I will leave him in the dust and do what I want as he is acting like a 2-year-old. I would just go and not worry about him acting like a baby. If you stay home with him you will be mad, resent him for making you miss out spending time with your mom (which you will regret if something happened to her any time soon), and probably have a boring day at home while he watched football all day and you cook or twiddle your thumbs. He will probably never be the bigger person and bite his tongue and go, though he should. Men really are babies though at times.
How dare you say I resent my children [2008-11-24]
I do spend every night reading to my children. I also tuck them in and rub their backs every night. I get up every morning to prepare them a warm breakfast before driving them to school so they don My kids are all on the high honor roll because my husband and I help them with their homework. I volunteer at their school once a week. My husband and I attends every sporting event with them, be it practice or a match, to make sure no harm comes to them. I make sure they have a hot meal on the table when they come home from school. I worked extra all summer to afford a trumpet for my son who wanted to join the elementary band. I don I love them very much.
But I do resent others critiquing my parenting abilities. I It She Where are your scruples? It Why is that so hard to understand? Do parents not deserve a break?
So many GPs have the mentality, you made and that No one said GPs should be raising their GKs, but is it that wrong to think that GPs could give the parents a break evenjust once a year? Maybe they
Our children are grown, our only grandchild is due to be [2008-11-20]
born tomorrow and we all talked about it and this year we are only going to buy 1 gift per person (except for the new grandson). So, our budget will be very small this year and, for once, I am actually not stressing about Christmas.
Are anyone's children into the "Twighlight" craze? [2008-11-18]
The book series by Stephanie Meyers? It My 14 year old and her friends are absolutely crazy about the books and now that the movie is coming out itThe movie is out Friday and she already has presale tickets. I havenI have to say the movie lookslike it might be really good.
We have grown children and paid up condo. SM [2008-11-13]
I think about advice I would give others. Getting any part-time job I could, delivering papers, selling Avon (people still buy Avon), renting room out in house. If elderly people near you, offer transportation or shopping service. One thing is, no matter what, no one should just sit around waiting for another job, be they male or female.
I have done that for both of my children and it works wonders... [2008-11-07]
nm
Mine is usually because I have my children with me! [2008-11-03]
nm
A mother's dream! My children are young so (sm) [2008-10-29]
right now they say sweet things, well at least my 8 year old does...lol. I only dream that when they are your daughter's age they will think that highly of me :-) Congratulations!
laughter is the best medicine. [2008-10-26]
I know exactly what you mean. Weoh, you know what I mean. Do I? Probably but am I allowed to make you sound intelligent or am I supposed to type what you say?
And, I always like when they say I am seeing this patient on October 24, 1944. Am I in an episode of Quantum Leap?
And, finally, I like when they dictate that this man has refused a pelvic. Ya think?
I think I have to ban my mom from seeing my children (sm) [2008-10-21]
She lives 500 miles from us and sees them about twice a year usually, but every single time, she says inappropriate things around them. I end up asking her to please not tell them things like that and she gets angry at me and barely says anything for the rest of her visit. Yet the next time she sees them, it is the same thing all over again. It is as if she doesn She talks about people who made her mad 30 years ago and what they did and she says it in a mean, angry voice and goes on and on. She talks about sexual things in front of them. She talks about ghosts and demons and how she has seen them and how the world is about to end, and on and on. Scaring them and also telling them things they shouldn She started talkingyesterday about my teenage nephew being propositioned by one of his friends who had decided he was gay....saying the boy asked him to take his clothes off and do something. My 8 year old daughter started crying and told my mom it made her feel weird to hear that kind of stuff and to please not tell her anything else like that. My daughter knows what gay is but she doesn Anyway, my mom went home last night but the kids are still asking once again about demons and ghosts and everything else. I love my mother but I am thinking from now on, I will go visit her by myself and not have her come here at all, and not let her see my kids until they are much older. Is this bad?
For me it is not about gay/straight - it is about government taking too much control of our children [2008-10-16]
That is a really sore subject with me!! I want everyone to live their lives and teach their children as they see fit. As far as the gay/straight issue, I have taught my children who are 8 and 11 about homosexuality, about people being different, acceptance, not to be judgemental. I just have an issue when public school teachers want to use the school as a public forum for whatever reason. In school I remember a teacher who had strong political views and she taught us daily her way of thinking. I don't think that is fair. I think certain things should be reserved for parents to teach their children.
Today's children are tomorrow's leaders and [2008-10-16]
your future neighbors be closed-minded and intolerant of you? What if YOU had something about yourself that was [gasp!] 'different'? Would you want neighbors and community leaders who persecuted you and limited YOUR freedoms? Or would you want to be an equally-valued member of society?
My children lost their father when they were 8,4,3 [2008-10-13]
It is a very tough position to be put in as a parent. My advice for the adults is do not drag these children into what should be adult grief. Several members of my kids' father's family tried to do this to them. They are children and are resilient just the way God made them and thankfully for them! They have a right to live happily and without guilt because they are happy. I'm not saying your family will do this, but on top of everything else, it was hard to watch this being done to my children. I am very sorry for their loss and the loss to your family.
Well, while it is sad and probably very traumatic for these children (sm) [2008-09-21]
If the parent is distressed or feeling whatever they are feeling enough to literally take the child there and leave him or her, it is probably the best for the child. Sometimes out of the choices people have to make, none of the options are very good, unfortunately.
Last year I said same thing, Christmas is for children. SM [2008-09-18]
And I got clobbered on this board. Practically called un-Amreican.
I believe Christmas is for children. Up to age 18. After that, perhaps a check is in order, but that's about it. As far as gifts for aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, postman, WHOMEVER, forget it. Bake cookies. Have a party and invite friends and neighbors.
Say you are sending check to charity of choice and ask family and friends to do same. That is charity of their choice, since I know my family doesn't agree on anything.
But presents? Presents most of the people would not even want? Forget it.
My life is full of love from my two children..... [2008-09-18]
nm
so hubby's a dork, but you/he love/care for your 3 children. [2008-09-10]
nm
I think you're terrible. Is this what you teach your children? [2008-09-10]
xx
Since I do not know you or your children, sm [2008-09-10]
I can not tell you the effects it will have on them--but, do not think for a minute they do not know about and cannot feel the stress and fear you are dealing with.
For me, it was best for me and my children to have a peaceful, happy home than to live one more day like we had been. This is a personal choice and for us, I made the right one. Good luck to you.
what about your children? I know how hard [2008-09-08]
divorce is on children. I have the most beautiful children. They are well-behaved, respectful and happy. Do I trade my happiness for theirs??? Is that FAIR to them? My first step is I am going to separate our money. No more will I be subject to this. He is a poor money manager and I cannot deal with it anymore. I don't feel bad about doing that at all. But I do worry about the effects on the children. They are VERY STABLE AND THEIR LIVES ARE SO GOOD. I am not sure I can do that to them right now.
I have 2 children in middle school (5th and 6th) grade. sm [2008-09-03]
They have 4 different lines they can choose from. They have the regular line; the Mexi/Itali line which has spaghetti, raviolis, tacos, etc, the sub line which has sub sandwiches, baked potatos and salads; and the the fast food line which has popcorn chicken, steak fingers, etc. They also offer sports drinks, ice cream, tea etc. Our school website is set up where I can view what they have for lunch on a daily basis and so if I see them making a bad choice, I can discuss it with them. Might want to suggest something like this to your school officials.
A way to help orphaned children in Africa sm [2008-09-01]
http://www.godsgoldenacre.org.uk/ - I read a book this weekend called God which is a biography of a woman, Heather Reynolds,who started a program in the South African province of Kwa Zulu-Natal, in the valley of a 1000 hills.She helps children who have been orphaned primarily due to their parents dying of AIDs. Right now I have children of my own who need me, but when they are adults, if I am physically able, I want to go over and do as much as I can - I am very happy because for the first time, I feel like I know what I am meant to do in this lifetime. In the meantime, they ask people to donate if they can or at least to make people aware of them by posting the link to their site.I grew up very hungry, right here in America, and help came from many sources throughout my childhood. I distinctly remember one group of women from a church who came in and literally filled our cabinets with food. Although the name of this organization is God you don
P.S. Before anyone calls me a bad mother or blames me for any of his issues, my other two children [2008-08-26]
xx
I understand that some children are upset [2008-08-23]
when they learn the truth, but can honestly say that I never thought twice about it once I found out the truth. Actucally it wasn't so much finding out, it was just being old enough to realize the impossibility of Santa. My children are now old enough that they no longer believe and they were fine with it when they found out. I guess it would depend on the children. Our family always focused more on the reason for the season and not Santa, maybe that made it easier.
Children's ages [2008-08-23]
I must say I am very surprised that children are believing until so old (for this time period). Maybe those who don't believe are keeping quiet (friends and such).
I'm happy to hear they are staying innocent. My children are grown, and I thought things were happening much faster now.
My family decided last year to just enjoy the holidays [2008-12-01]
We're all adults, no children, and live in small homes or apartments. I NEED tons of stuff, but have no place to put much of anything, and can't afford to reciprocate with a gift. Same with a couple other siblings. My mom's been impossible to buy gifts for, for probably the last 10 years. I was the first to bow out the year before last. I started the ball rolling because I just plain couldn't afford it anymore, and was too busy working all the time to spend hours on end in a department store. I had a new job, no PTO, and NO money, so I alerted everyone that I wasn't going to play the game that year. Turns out it was a relief to all! And last year, without all the holiday 'getting mauled at the mall' disasters, each of us had quiet, happy, stress-free holidays. So now that we've eliminated the gift-giving aspect of Christmas, I finally can look forward to the season and enjoy it again.
Do you have any [2008-11-30]
Secrets about your past or family that your spouse does not know about or found out that your spouse was keeping one from you? Things tend to slip when family spends a lot of time together around the holidays. Do we need to know everything about our spouses or should bad decisions from high school and childhoodbe left in the past?
I firmly believe nothing should be deliberately kept from a spouse. My spouse knows everything about me but I have nothing to hide from my past. I recently found out thatsomething has beenkept from me. Deliberately I He does not know that I now know this secret. Not sure if I should keep the secret and pretend I don A part of me wants to hear from him that he believes it was a mistake and would never encourage our children to do the same.
A lot of us have things in our past........ sm [2008-11-30]
that we are not proud of, and while we do not deliberately try to hide them, sometimes it is just easier not to talk about them as it is painful and very often misunderstood by those around us, even our spouses.
It is not my business what this secret is that your husband has, but it sounds as if it is something that he has learned a lesson from and probably will not end up repeating in the future.
My own personal opinion is that if this is not something that is threatening your marriage or your children right now, I would let the past stay in the past. In other words, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
I just need to VENT and see what you all think...Beware...this is long...sm [2008-11-30]
I have tried twice to tell this story but deleted it both times because the story is just too long so I will be as short as I can.
I have a bunch of ROTTEN TO THE CORE sisters.My sisters are just about the worst people I have ever met in my whole 43 years on this planet. There is one who is especially bad and I just told my other sister that if she ever dies, to please not call me as I won I come from a very large family with 5 sisters and 1 brother with my brother being the oldest. He is not involved. He sort ofleft the family years ago because he couldn They did terrible things to him after his divorce. We rarely see him now.I am considered a scumbag and a loser because my husband and I don We don We don We can We love our children with everything in our souls. They have made fun of me and my husband and insulted us to our faces.My husband and I have a difficult marriage as he is tough to get along with so they hate my husband My sistershave all gone out to dinner without inviting me. I have found out because of someone They have made threats and sent rumors flying throughout the family, without me knowing, about calling DCYF on me. I heard that one too from a slip of the tongue. I cried for 2 hours in the shower that day. They talk about everyone and I mean everyone badly. They have awell known reputation ina couple of our towns here for being mean horrible girls. They are about as fake and phony as a person can get. Sweet and all smiles to your face and when you turn around, they stick that knife in as far as they can get it in. They have what they have in their lives because of what someone has given them. My sister had her property given to her by her in-laws. It is worth about $1,000,000. My other sister had land given to her by her husbandto lessen their mortage burden so now they owe almost nothing on their $500,000 house. They think they are fabulous people. They think they are the cat In the past years when we were all talking and I would be invited to a holiday, I was not spoken to at all the whole time I was there. I am a venter and I always have been so if my husband and I are fighting, I will always go to my older sister (one up from me) and vent and vent until I can She gets on the phone the second I leave and tells every person in my family what is going on. They in turn judge me and my husband, make their threats, and so on. This is also happening to my oldest sister and her partner (she is in a gay relationship but was always dating a man and was married twice) and my sister The three of us, me, my sister and her partner, and my sister We get along well. We are happy with each other. We don Whatever happens in each other lives, we just accept it and don I now attend holidays at my sister I don I don The sisters (I like to call them the Witches of Eastwick) all attend holidays with each other up at my sister The three of us are not invited. My older sister has a son. Several yeas ago, my sister and her partner had a terrible fight with him. He went to the witches and told them a bunch of lies and now they have pretty much shunned her and her daughter and me too because we still talk to her.I have a sister, who is involved in all of this, that I speak to on a regular basis. She is close to my kids or at least my oldest son. She pretty much ignores my other two children and they tell me, It She is the one who has spread rumors about me in the family trying to get everyone to call DCYF on me. I heard this too by a slip of the tongue from another sister a few years back. I tend to be a forgiving person so I quietly forgave her for this without her ever knowing that I knew what she was trying to do. Now that they are all inviited to the holidays up to my sister They are extremely fat just like her. These holiday trips up north are usually kept quiet and I only know about it the day before they are leaving to go, which is when she inevitably asks me to come feed her f******g cats. This is how Iknow that a big party is going on up at the cabin and once again only the chosen selected few are going. This is usually for 3 or 4 days and they get fed twice a day so I have to goto her house twice a day. Sometimes I have to give them medication and the last time she asked me, I even had to soak her sick cat She lives about 20 minutes away from me. This girl would NEVER, NEVER, EVER do this for me. My husband and I took our children on a cruise 3 years ago and we have a cat and I never asked her to do this for me as I know she would have laughed in my face. I have been feeding her cats for years now when she goes away. Keep in mind though that she was in the select chosen few to be invited up to the cabin. I was not as I am considered trash in the family. I am SICK AND TIRED of feeding this girl My sister who invites everyone to go is a mean, horrible, sadistic, vicious, backstabbing wretched b***h. No one will say anything to her like, Gee Pat, where is everyone else? Didn They could care less. All they know is that THEY were invited.
Anyway, I am sorry this is so long. I cananymore. I have been thinking of this all day all weekend long. I am really to the point where I just don I am goingto tell my fat a** b***h sister to fnd another way to get her cats fed because I She is just using me and believe me when I tell you, she enjoys it. She is verydiabolical. She loves it that I am not invited and she and her husband are.She even questions me and counts the cat food cans to make sure that I came on all of the days they were gone. These people have balls of brass and I have had ENOUGH.I am just sitting and waiting patiently for the next time she says, Oh, we Can you come and feed the cats? I just canNo. I can I will never feed your cats again! Find some other sucker to do it!
I believe that they are severely narcissistic people and this is nothing to take lightly.These types of people are very destructive. Do any of you have family members like this and what do you do about them? How do you stop them from making you feelsad, lonely, excluded andless than you are or deserve? I think it is time for me to cut all ties with them. I just can
Gift Giving [2008-11-29]
I just got married in July 2008, bought a new home, and am now expecting my third child in April 2009 so we ourselves have had many blessings this year but our financial situation is also pretty tight. We will not be buying gifts for anyone but our children. Our family will receive homemade treats this year. We still like to do something nice for them because they have done so much for us this year and every year but we don't have a lot of money to play with.
In my case, we take care of our obligations (bills, our children, etc.) before we worry about gifts. We feel that providing our children with things that need and the love that they deserve is more important than any material gift will ever be. Our family understands our situation and is very happy just to spend the holidays with us without the expectation of a gift because honestly the quality time with family is the biggest gift we could give each other.
In my opinion, you should just explain the situation to them and let them know that you will not be giving gifts this year. They may take it hard but they will get over it. You have to do what you have to do. Gifts aren't the real reason for the Christmas season anyhow.
Good luck to you!
we don't exchange gifts either [2008-11-29]
We stopped exchanging gifts about 30 years ago. When my husband and I first approached the subject, we met with some resistance, but we stood our ground and said we would not be buying gifts. My husband is the oldest in a family of 7. By the time they all married and had children, the number could have been quite staggering to buy for. I was a surprise baby, my sisters being greater than 11 years older than I am, so when they began their families I was too young to buy anything to buy for them and so never started doing so. Now both of our families agree the holidays are much more enjoyable without the stress of the gift buying, worrying about what to get, how much, will the like it, can I afford it, etc., etc. The true gift of Christmas is the love we feel for our families and all we ask is time with them, and everyone agrees on this. We usually bake or take small treats to the families are who have misfortune of spending Christmas at the Ronald McDonald House in our city due to the illness of a child. Often the other kids in the family (the healthy ones) get lost in the shuffle of caring for a child with cancer. There is no gift one can give as great as giving and bringing joy to a family in such a situation. Anyway, my point is that there may be others in the family who will feel the same way, that it is just too stressful, and you may find that they will appreciate the holidays much more if the gift stress is taken out of the equation.
I should add here, I do buy something for my own children but usually one or two things and my grandchildren because, after all, Santa still comes (!) and I do think Christmas gift giving is for children. Watching my little ones open is a gift a truly a fun thing to do and makes me happy. I do ask my kids not to buy for me or my husband because they have young families and can't afford the extra money. I have always told them I would rather they spend time with me any day then go out and buy a gift.
My sisters and nieces and nephews and I stopped [2008-11-28]
exchanging gifts several years ago. My mom and dad and my family stopped exchanging gifts a couple of years ago. This year, my 2 grown children and my husband and I agreed to keep Christmas very, very simple. One gift each. No big major spending. We havea new grandson who is a week old and, of course, he will receive gifts from us, but, even for him the spending will be kept to a minimum this year Maybe you need to just tell your family that you They may not understand, but you should not have to stress about such a beautiful time of the year. I know that I am actually looking forward to the holidays for the first time in a long time because I We are by no means rich people, but we do have what we need and a lot of what we want. There is really nothing that any of us needs. We are truly blessed.
I went through this myself about 20 years ago. [2008-11-28]
My husband is the eldest of 4 siblings. They tend to give expensive gifts, and none of them have children. I came from a very poor family, so our Christmas holidays never included lots of gifts. When we were first married I stressed over the gift selection and the money we spent. My husband, who is an accountant, stressed over every penny. When our first child came alone, I quit my full-time, downtown career-oriented job and stayed home. Our family income was cut in half, and so we had to tell everyone, our siblings, parents, friends, etc., that we couldn't afford to give any gifts. Family members wanted to give us gifts anyway, and we begged them not to, as it really made us feel uncomfortable to receive but not give. We didn't need anything, really. We just couldn't afford to spend anything on gifts. It took us about 3 years to get everyone to play by our rules. Twenty years later, and we're doing better financially, but we still don't exchange gifts with anyone but our children. Even my husband and I don't exchange gifts. We try, instead, to make donations to charities or causes that we care about. Over the years, some of our family members have experienced financial difficulties, and they opted out of the gift giving either temporarily or permanently. It always feels a little strange at first, but eventually it's ok. The season isn't about the gifts, and if the gift-giving becomes a burden, then that's certainly no fun.
You have the financial responsibility for your family. You make those decisions, not family members who make you feel guilty. They'll get over it. Don't let it get you down.
This is what thanksgiving is all about...a must read [2008-11-28]
At turkey time last year, Monique White was unemployed, living in a cramped motel room and pining for the Thanksgivings of her childhood, when dozens of people would gather for a holiday feast.
Today a receptionist at a dentist's office, she has a townhouse in Littleton, Colo. And, thanks to an Internet posting, a list of Thanksgiving dinner guests — strangers all — who will help her eat nine turkeys, four hams, 16 boxes of stuffing and a dozen or so pies.
How did this happen?
White, 36, was feeling a bit lonesome a week ago; her two sons were planning to spend the holiday with their father. And though her longtime partner, Doug White, would be there for her on Thanksgiving, she longed to be surrounded by many more people.
So she posted invitations on Craigslist, the Internet classifieds site. In part, one read:
Maybe you are someone who is new in town and doesn
She figured four folks, maybe five would answer. But then the replies poured in: People laid off from work. People with no family. People ashamed to bring their children to a Thanksgiving dinner at a soup kitchen.
I thought: There White says.
In all, 32 people are expected for dinner.
When White's boss heard what she was doing, he offered to pay for the food. Then a local hotel offered to provide tables and chairs. Then a professional magician said he would like to perform for the kids.
Certainly a far cry from Thanksgiving 2007, White says. Last year it was just us two. It was horrible.
Doug White has been busy baking turkeys, putting one in the oven as soon as another comes out.
People need to stop being so worried about me, me, me, my bills, my life, he says. You stop worrying, and look what happens?
i agree not to lie, but allow the fairy tale!! [2008-11-27]
i always asked questions -- like really? you don't think there is a santa claus?? etc. Its fun for the imagination. My grown daughter now tells how she used to listen for the reindeer's footsteps on the roof -- and one night she thought she heard them!! Its a fun thing. But no, i never lied. If you EVER lie to your children, they will always question your honesty in a sensitive matter.
If you tell your kids that Santa Claus is real [2008-11-26]
I don nephew are 5 mos. old) it if they find out you lied there will be consequences and other remarks like that.
We were talking the other day and without even thinking we were talking about how Uncle Joey usually dresses as Santa but this year we might want to ask his son to take over and our friends child heard our discussion.
Well, she got so mad because we were insensitive to her daughter and we don
Come to find out that her kids all think Santa is real. The oldest is 17, well, I
So I wondered if she is lying to her children by telling them santa claus is real?
It's lying in the absolute literal sense, but so what. [2008-11-26]
I think itcontrolled dissemination of information can be a good thing. My kids don't need to know what I did when I was a wild child, for example. And on occasion I've told them there were no more Little Debbies in the house, even though I had a personal stash hidden away. LOL!
As far as Santa goes, I loved it. The way I explained it to my children when they got older and stopped believing was that when weto give. When my oldest became aware of the Santa reality, he wanted to Santa for my little brother, and kept the fantasy alive for him. Now they do that for others. I consider that a reality.
The arguments regarding the honesty of the Santa fantasy will go on and on. In the end, it's a personal family decision to participate or not, and I think we can all be respectful of other family's decisions by not divulging the truth within earshot of children who believe, and not arguing over the issue with parents who believe otherwise.
I have a 14 year old daughter also [2008-11-26]
Thankfully right now she doesn't have any boyfriends, although there are boys in the neighborhood who are friends that we've know for 13 years that she'll meet up with when the weather's decent and everyone is outside. She has amazing friends who come from good families and I trust her and them. I guess you just have to trust your children and decide how much leeway you feel you can give them. There are a couple of younger girls in the neighorhood that hang out with a whole group of older boys and just walk the streets. Those are the ones I'd worry about.
Just this past year we've been letting her go to the mall with her friends alone and she has started going to parties, but she always has to go in a group and come home at a decent hour.
LOL exactly. [2008-11-26]
and when young children are hungry, you feed them cause you never know when they are going to be picky and not eat.
She sent a bag of sweet potatoes and asked if I would make them. Hubs was steaming them for me. I just went to check them - there are 3. For 14 people (that we know of), she has 3 sweet potatoes. It's a good thing I have some. Tomorrow should be fun.
Maybe its an age thing. I know they talk about not eating as much any more, splitting meals when they go out for dinner, etc. Maybe they don't remember what the average adult or teenage boy eats? Who knows! I thank everyone for the brainstorming session though. I think I have some good ideas and will check back in the morning to see if there are more. :)
I'm with the other mother... [2008-11-25]
If you don't like your grandkids, don't baby sit. I have a child, whom I think is wonderful. I resent anyone telling me that I am not parenting the way they would. You raised your kids and it is time to let your daughter do the same. I am sure that she is not trying to ruin her children. How would you have felt if this criticism were coming to you instead of from you?
I think what you did was great. [2008-11-25]
I'm sorry it turned out that way. You are right, most kids don't play board games or card games any more and lack imagination and development that is necessary for school. I think you can have a mix of both but sadly many parents don't uphold guidelines in their household and it's easier for them to let the TV/video games babysit their children. It is also sad that they are acting so childish when you are grown adults with children of your own. I wouldn't make any effort to be around them or be friendly any further. The mom of the birthday boy, maybe invite her to coffee or a playplace for the kids, just the 2 of you and get to know her better. I can understand that and think it would help her to see what a good person you are and make her own opinion despite what the others may or may not say to her. If she doesn't seem receptive, let it go. You can't control what happens at school but keep your eyes and ears open. If there are any problems that develop between the 2 friends at school, I would address it with the teacher.
This all comes down to the parents [2008-11-25]
I think those women are making a big mistake. I love my sister and nephew, don But he is like that 7 yo and it drives me crazy. BUT my sister and BIL are to blame, I feel. He gets a toy every time they He gets a new toy if he My sister feels guilty if he likes something and she doesn They buy him major video games just because, instead of reserving these things for birthdays or Christmas. They will go out and buy him a $200 item in the middle of the week and when I ask what the occasion is? Nothing, we just thought he'd like it!
He is well behaved and they don Yes, it Growing up when we would talk, my sister had definite opinions about what she would and would not do when she had children, and this is not how she felt back then.
But he doesn In my opinion, they Just my opinion.
Love board games. Buy them Blokus. It is the ...sm [2008-11-25]
most fantastic game and can be played by children and adults alike. I bought it by accident last Christmas and it was the favorite gift.
First off, you're pregnant [2008-11-24]
that in itself will make this situation feel 10 times worse than it is. Having said that, I do agree that I would be a little miffed, myself. It She
I would also agree with the poster below that you have grown apart. Being that you Ifun years before I got married and then before I had children. You're just at different places in your life.
The best way to handle the situation is to go to her party as planned. I would not splurge for the $50 gift card. I If youwild days. You don Anyone would understand a pregnant woman would be tired from such a long travel and then the party. When you leave, be sure to seek her out and let her know that you If not, let it go.
If you haven Believe it or not, some people would think they didn You have so much to look forward to and baby showers are way better than bridal showers/receptions anyday. You can eat as much as you want and all your guests will say is how cute you look. Don
Giving [2008-11-24]
Two years working as a missionary overseas has taught me that material things are really not important. Do not hold onto things with such a tight fist. I guess after see children begging in the street for food daily kind of changes your perspective. Oh and then the women who washed her clothes on a rock made me vow to never complain about washing clothes in a machine.
Forgive your husband. His giving natureis more important that a rolling pin. A fire, like those in Califronia, or other natural disaster can cause you to lose all of these things. Things really do not matter anyway do they?
Have a nice Thanksgiving, and be thankful you can afford food to use a rolling a pin on. So many people in the world cannot.
Well, at least they're working to [2008-11-24]
support their children. Raising kids in this generation isn The pressure are on parents these days isn In addition to making sure our kids are well taken care of and that we attend the all important PTO meetings, baseball meetings, wrestling club meetings, soccer meetings, football meetings, dance recitals, cheerleading practice, on and on, we also must make sure our 1st and 2nd graders are doing their 1 hour worth of homework each evening and in addition to that make sure we are reading a book to them every night. These are the requirements now set by the schools. The parents must also deal with sex, drugs, and peer pressure at a much younger age than you probably did. Just last week, I had to explain to my second grader what a virgin was. Did he learn that word at home? No, he learned it on the bus because our school district decided to save money by busing all the kids together, high school through kindergarten. The meals you mention your GKs eating, that More than likely, your GKs won You seem very harsh on your kids, and IIs either one ofthe parents involved in their children Do you have any idea how much time that takes? Arethey struggling with finances? Were you a stay-at-home mom or work-at-home mom? Having to get kids ready in the morning and get yourself ready, then spend 8 hours a day working, only to come home and pick up the same kids and do homework with them is not an easy chore. More than likely, your DS and DDIL are tired. Instead of criticizing, why not ask where you can help? Maybe you could offer to make them dinner once a week after work. Give them an evening out without kids to just relax a little bit. I
As for the kids But aren Maybe he Maybe mom and dad didn
I, myself, grew up in a home where I had frozen pizza at least 2 or 3 times a week for supper. My mom worked nights and my dad didn If my mom could make us a meal before she left, she did. Frozen pizza didn I graduated high school at 140 pounds, normal for 5 tall. My mom and dad were there for everything for me, though, and it It
Your words are so harsh and I just have to wonder, if you think they Is it because you know the children are well taken care of, just not up to your standards? Perhaps you should have a conversation with your DS and see what his impressions of your child-rearing of him were. Perhaps there were areas you could have improved on.
I did a 7-day sex challenge but for different reasons. [2008-11-24]
My husband had to wake up an hour before me for work. Every morning, he liked to wake me up with him and then tried to get some before getting ready. I went to bed usually 2 to 3 hours later than him. Needless to say, I wasn So, I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. One night, I came to bed about 2 hours after him and he was sleeping soundly. I woke him up to have sex with me, which he did without complaint. The next night, the same thing. The third night, the same thing. He never complained. By the 5th night, when I woke him up, he said he was just too tired. He needed to sleep. I laughed a little and said,Funny, that He got the hint and apologized. He agreed not to do that more than once or twice a week and things seemed to be fine.
That was 6 years, 9 months and about 2 weeks ago. You see my son was born 6 years and 2 weeks ago. The little lesson I taught him ended up teaching me a much bigger lesson. How come we women always get the short end of the stick?But I love my little guy!
being a grandma [2008-11-24]
My son-in-law hits the baby. He acts like he is all hyped up on drugs andis really aggressive. There is nothing I can do.
You should give your kids a book about how really smart and gifted children act like heathens when the eat junk food. There are tons out there. Maybe they will take the hint.
Wow! Was a nerve hit??? [2008-11-24]
I didnLeave it to Beaver. That's just not the case. By the end of the 1960s and into the 1970s the pendulum had started to swing so far toward women having careers that we were often belittled for choosing to be home with the children. Remember Hillary Clinton's cookie baking comment during her husband's first campaign? In fact, stay-at-home moms were the norm for only one brief period in our history right after WW II in the post war boom times. There was a pretty awful recession in the 1970s, and I remember gas rationing and long lines at the pumps. My mother had to work two jobs, and my father, who was in construction, was often one of the first to feel economic ups and downs in his paycheck. But we had dinner together every night at the kitchen table. Before the stay-at-home mothers of 1950's t.v. fame, most mothers worked. They had to. Only the very privileged stayed home and waited for Ward Cleaver to come home from the office. My grandmother, who lived to be 94, God bless her soul, was born in 1908. Her mother died during the great Spanish flu epidemic in 1918. My grandmother was the eldest of four children, and at the age of 10 she became the woman of the house. She stopped going to school so that she could cook and clean and took care of her father and siblings. And no one thought that was wrong. It was expected because there really weren't any government social services -- no welfare, no foster care. Eventually, when her father's depression over the loss of his wife became so great that he couldn't manage to bring home an income, people in the neighborhood just took over. The two eldest children went to live with other families. The two youngest went to an orphanage. My grandmother's father just drifted away and his children never saw him again. My grandmother married at age 20 and had four children during the depression. Talk about having it hard. When I was a young mother trying to make ends meet and I'd cry to my grandmother, she brought me around to reality. She told me what it was like for her to raise children during that time. Many a night she cried over whether or not she could even feed her children or if they would have a roof over their heads. And she wasn't alone. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, was in the same boat. The Great Depression was enormous. She and my grandfather worked wherever and whenever they could. They brought home a dollar or two at a time and fed their children buttermilk and potatoes. They didn't sleep, they worried all the time. Today, my grandmother's washboard hangs in my kitchen on the wall next to my dishwasher. It reminds me that I have no right to ever say that things are harder on us today. They aren't. Generally speaking, most Americans have so many more advantages, choices and opportunities than those who came before us. Yet many in my generation and the one or two generations behind me are just whiners and crybabies who don't think about the big picture. They even dare to say they have a harder time as parents today. Please. Not even close! Every generation seems to believe that, but just a short trip through a history book proves otherwise.
I'm not that very old. But I've raised my children and I raised them well. I know what it takes to do that. It takes self-discipline, sacrifice and consistency. And you know what? That's exhausting. Parents today are tired. So what? All parents are tired. Offer it up, as the old nuns used to say. The kids have homework an hour a night. So what? They should have homework, and parents should make sure that it gets done, because education is important. There are parent-teacher meetings to attend, coaches association meetings, scout meetings, dance lessons, school recitals, etc. etc. etc. So what? Balance it out, quit what can't be done, do what can. Work because you have to. The kids have to be fed. It's still easier than it was a generation ago, two generations ago, three and on and on. We're parents to young ones for only a short time. Which reminds me, let's not forget about birth control. Most of us have 2-point-whatever children these days. I'm the youngest of 7. Most of the families in my neighborhood when I was growing up had 4 or more children. Today women can choose to have as many or as few children as they want. That means that we parent for far fewer years than the generations before us. I'm done with day-to-day parenting after just 20 years, and in fact, it got much easier on my day-to-day schedule once my boys were in high school. But my mother had children at home for 34 years. Imagine the number of cloth diapers for 7 children for year after year after year. Yes. I had it far easier, and I know it. So when I was exhausted raising my two boys, I just sucked it up and kept at it.
The OP, I think, probably didn't want to be as blunt as I'm willing to be. She IS helping by babysitting her grandchildren while her children work. I'm sure she loves her children and grandkids, but I'm willing to bet that if she dared to say to her children the things I've posted, her children would react just as you did and she'd end up cut off from her family.
To the OP: I hope it helped to vent a little, and I want you to know that I understand.
You missed the point of my post [2008-11-24]
The only things she chose to complain about were nitpicky things -- what they serve for dinner. Most kids don Last time I checked PBJ and yogurt were pretty healthy. Her GS has ADHD. He isnbehave on command. Any MT would know that. First she complains because they don Instead of criticizing her kids, she should be trying to help the situation.
Did she hit a nerve with me? Absolutely. My parenting skills are always being critiqued. From the time my oldest son was old enough to eat until about the age of 6, I had to pack PBJ everywhere we went. He refused to eat anything else. Was it because I didn It was because that My other child has ODD -- oppositional defiant disorder. Is it because I didn No, it I have 2 other children who are not like this. They were all raised in the same house under the same rules. I am constantly berated by my father for not cracking the whip on him and by my mother for being too strict. It Then after upsetting DS or DD, you can go back home and not be the one who on top of your feelings of inadequacy now has to deal with a difficult child.
I could see if it the OP said the children were malnourished or not cleaned and clothed properly, but she She
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