Did ya ever just wanna talk about nuthin' just to talk

In relation to the grocery shopping post, let's talk eating out [2008-11-18]
We eat out for dinner once a week (usually on Friday nights when my husband gets back into town) and then usually end up eating lunch out on Saturdays and maybe even Sundays (fast food). I/We really need to cut this expense from our budget or at least just greatly reduce it! Would love your suggestions. How often do you eat out and what is the average you spend per meal? For those of you who donfeel like cooking, serving, and cleaning up? My husband won't cook unless it's to grill (too cold to do that now) and then my son is okay to help clear the table some but not to actually rinse the dishes, wash pots and pans, etc.

I really would not talk to her or help her [2008-11-16]
in this case. Would you drive her to the bank to deposit you SHOULD have had?

Please...I need someone to talk to...sm [2008-11-13]
Okay, its pity party time. I may need to get a professionalfree therapy. I am feeling really, really guilty about not seeing my dad as much as I should. So, heredad just up and leaves sort of way. He got a job in another city about 5 hours away. I remember we were all really excited about it as it was a really good career move for him. Mom didnagreement was that he would come home on the weekends and see us (right). So this turned into seeing him every month, to every couple of months, to about twice a year (thanksgiving and Christmas). Him and mom are still married (don't know how she does it) but I feel such resentment toward him that it is hard for me to go see him. We only live about 15 minutes away from my parents and are in their town a lot to see my husband's family. However, I choose not to go see my father because it is awkward and weird and it stresses me out to the max. I get to see mom about 3 times a week as we work together (both as transcriptionists) at our local hospital. I love spending time with her, but not with my dad around. I know I'm hurting his feelings when I don't see him but on his birthday, father's day, holidays, etc. He doesn't drink THAT much anymore, a beer or two a day (we think), but it still bothers the heck out of me when I see him drinking. Although it is better than mom and I trying to get him to bed while he is falling down drunk or driving away, getting a DUII, etc. I would never tell him how I feel because I love him and wouldn't hurt him like that. He isn't very healthy (hep C, high BP, neuropathy, etc) and I don't think he'll be around for that much longer. NEway..getting off track...I just need some advice and/or to hear someone else's stories about something like this. I don't know what to do and it is really getting to me. It does feel better to be able to talk to someone about it though (husband doesn't understand and talking to mom about it just makes her feel bad). Thanks ladies for all of your support!!!

Hang in there and talk to others. [2008-11-13]
Donalcoholic, IGee, Dad I wish you wouldn Confronting sometimes depresses them into drinking. I was fortunate, my dad went to some retreats and quit cold turkey and my kids never knew it, in fact, they hate me to ever mention it, as they idolize him. So he died in my arms at 81, told him he was a good man and I am not sorry. My bros. hated him and I feel sorry for them. I feel peace. He has to think about it but dongot it, I think itGee, gotta go, Dad, gotta get these kiddos home. Perhaps he'll get the message, I hope so! Only he can save himself, not you.

Let's flip the coin on the holiday talk [2008-11-12]
Share one of your favorite memories, a food that you look forward to on the holidays, someone you look forward to seeing or something you look forward to doing...traditional, unconventional, doesn Share something positive about the holidays. My favorite foodswould be sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie with real whip cream for Thanksgiving and christmas cookies. My favorite memory is for Thanksgiving because that was our side of the families holiday as a child and no one brought presents. It was truely all about family, friends,and happy times. We never had a large family but everyone we knew was invited for Thanksgiving. I also remember looking for something to do after Christmas morning. It usually ended up being that we would go to the movies or K-Mart. Pretty much everything else was closed but I think we went through the entire phonebook every year looking for something to do the rest of the day. I don A few days later I gave her a bath. She never talked again. lol

Soooo let's talk casinos and gambling [2008-11-07]
I had lunch today with my women's golf group at a buffet inside one of the local casinos. I was astounded to see how many people were in there, gambling away, mid-day, mid-week. I must admit, I've never been in a casino before this afternoon, so I am totally in the dark as to what the appeal is. Any of you here enjoy the games, the gambling, the atmosphere (at least it wasn't smoky!)? What's the draw, cuz I sure don't get it?

do you talk about it? [2008-11-03]
This place is what I mean.... Sometimes I mention to people, that 'someone on the MTStars' said this or that, and they look at me like I have three heads or something!I just seem to know lots of people who don't even KNOW what a message board is ... just wondering if it's cause I live up here in the boonies?

No I never talk about the board its self [2008-11-03]
I mention I read on the internet yadda yadda. No specifics.

Me too....talk about it regularly, esp. the politics board...lol nm [2008-11-03]
x

Yes, but I never explain myself. ALL my friends are MTs. Talk about not getting out much...nm [2008-11-03]
nm

No, I would not say that you overacted. How is your child? When you calm down talk to him about it [2008-10-27]
I am sure that I don Just wait until you calm down.

I did talk to a lawyer too before I dropped - sm [2008-10-24]
the bomb on my DH as I wanted to know where I stood. I live in a state where they do an equitable disbursement of the marital goods, assets, etc. I would have a 40% stake in the house, entitled to about $100K in his 401K (1/2 of its growth since we married), 1/2 of assets we purchased together. Though a judge would deem what it fair, either way I would walk away debt-free though I would not have a home if we sold everything. He told me in one of his pissy moments that if we lose the house (which there is no danger of) he is moving in with his parents with the kids and I am on my own. What he does not realize that no judge would give him custody (has depression , threatened suicide, etc) and the kids would want to be with me. He has a temper too that gets the better of him too much and he is an alcoholic as well. So if a judge gave him custody I would be totally shocked. I am relatively healthy though overweight by 70 pounds, drink a glass of wine 5 days a week maybe (that is it--he drinks 9-12 beers a day --every day--- though he has cut down to 9 since the 13th for which I am happy for though I'd rather he quit altogether---But good thing to find out where you would stand in a divorce and what you would need to do in terms of custody if push came to shove.

Thanks for the affirmation - I'll talk to him. - nm [2008-10-20]
xx

talk about turning around my words [2008-10-17]
Just because you teach your children that something is wrong to do does not teach them hate. I am sorry that you are so closed minded that knowing when something is wrong causes you to hate. My children are not so one sided and can separate the action from the person.

Oh, I just wanna hug and kiss both of them! You [2008-10-10]
obviously enjoy, love and respect them. . . and they are dressed so beautifully!!

I would definitely talk to the teacher -sm [2008-10-01]
and have your child moved aware from this nut case. When I was in 2nd grade a boy came up to me on the playground and stabbed me with a pencil in my forearm, nice puncture wound.....I do not remember anything being done to him in terms of a punishment, cannot ask my mom as she died a few years ago. I hated that kid from that day on though. Get this, he is now a doctor.

You need to have a talk with him, and tell him what you need. [2008-09-30]
Regardless of the risk, the choice to take it or not should be yours. Tell him that you NEED this, it's important. I think you both need to get out and help others, and you will probably get more help out of it than they do. Can you volunteer someplace where there children, or elderly people? Homeless people? You need to stop moping around going oh dear, oh dear all the time, and go help someone who really needs help. It will definitely help your mood and make you feel better. Do you have any friends, or good neighbors? You don't sound like you have much of a life there, other than working and listening to your husband whine.

Talk about poor things... [2008-09-17]
I'm so sorry for you. My DH and I may both be in menopause at once but he would never quit a job without another one to go to. I take back what I wrote (if you want you can call that a mood swing). I have a wonderful husband who has a darn nice paycheck. That alone cancels out all his goofiness (most of it anyway).

Talk with the teacher [2008-09-10]
I would schedule a meeting with the teacher. Tell her your daughter handles the tasks concerning her with no problem at home and ask what exactly is going on that has her concerned. I would also talk with your child to see if any of her comments shed some insight into how things are going at school and the type of interaction with the teacher.

I wanna watch the new Vin Diesel movie [2008-09-02]
hot!!

Talk about HOT! [2008-09-01]
Man is he hot! Whatbutt art. Like finger painting but with the other end. HA HA HA. Anyone now a days in Hollywood that will come out and admit they have a problem and get help for them I commend them, unlike policians who hide it. :-) I just saw him on David Letterman last week. He is still looking great with all the gray. Still as hot as when he first came on the movie scene.

ok, and only you know. talk with her privately? (hope all works out well) [2008-07-03]
and...CONTRATS!!!! GAMMA/GAMPA!

Wow talk about extremes! What wacky weather! nm [2008-05-14]
x

Can we talk about bras? [2008-04-18]
I am a 36-D...or so I think. The 36-part is okay, but the D-part is the problem. Any style of bra I try, I get the muffin boobs out the top and it drives me insane. A DD is too big...is there a size in between a D and a DD that I Thanks y'all!

Wow! Talk about jumping to conclusions... [2008-04-17]
No marriage, having sex, old men, teenage girls... That is a whole lot of opinion you are putting out there. Have you been in another person I certainly hope not.

lol sounds like my MIL [2008-12-04]
My MIL was pissy this year too. Apparently because I got off of work (due to no jobs) and we arrived an hour early to spend extra time with them. She was mad at me. I thought it was a good thing!? We have always gotten along as well but I have come to realize I just tolerate her and move on. Itstuck in the kitchen and feels left out. Of course she says this to her children. I always offer and more than once but I have come to realize if I just step in and do it won't be right regardless. She doesn't talk to any of her own kids that way even though I know for a fact my husband does things very different from the way she does. Somehow she doesn't notice with him but alarms go off when it's me. She also hates to allow me to make anything to bring for dinner. I am martha-stewart-ish and she is the pull a pie out of the box type of person so I think it intimidates her or something. It's just the way I am and I enjoy doing things from scratch and old fashioned, plus I like to know what I am feeding my kids. I usually ask but just bring stuff along because I know it is the right thing to do and forget about the rest. She talks nice to the other DIL in her presence but the moment she turns her back she bad-mouths her. A few people recently have told me she does the same to me (Imom any more. I feel for her but dang, I will be glad to relinquish the dinner reins to my DIL or SIL so I can just sit around and play with grandkids some day!

I guess we are one of those boring families, too...sm [2008-12-04]
We don't fight during the holidays, but then we really don't talk much either. My mom has Alzheimer and my brother just doesn't say much. I try to carry on a conversation, but it is hard to when you are met with silence.

You're not a hopeless case! sm [2008-12-04]
Each day is a new beginning. Donvictor not you can get some help there. You are the victim. You are worth the effort. Some pills do cause nightmares, try Benadryl at night. I thus the need to relax, I understand, please don't give up. If you don't have a PCP, try a walk-in clinic or the pharmacist, you never know, they may have some good advice. Think of the $$$ you will save, use it to pamper yourself and your self-image will improve. You can do it, baby steps at a time. Remember, every day is a new start.

I understand your feelings [2008-12-03]
My in-laws woncut back which means what exactly???? I don't know. I didn't grow up with big Christmas presents and all that...family and dinner was emphasized. It makes me wish xmas was just another day. We can't afford it this year but when trying to talk to anyone about it they act like we have no head. If you want to participate, I would do the flat $25 in a gift card for dinner or groceries and leave it at that. How can they get upset when you stick to the agreement. If they don't like your choice, that's too bad. Maybe they shouldn't participate next year if they have such high standards.

I think you should discuss this with your doctor or maybe your local cancer center. [2008-12-03]
Get a professional opinion and professional help, yes I'm referring to a psychologist with the second. It almost sounds as though you think if you continue smoking you won't get cancer as quickly?! Nothing comes without work, quitting smoking or fighting cancer. My father died of lung cancer, shortly after quitting. He had the same fear as you but after finding the cancer said he wish he had quit sooner and lessened his risk. The risk is always there, it is just how much you let it increase before you do something about it. Quality of life is also something to consider. If the cancer is there (assuming there is by your fears), it will probably be caught at an earlier stage and very well be treated successfully. I say start with your PCP. Then talk to your friend and get a first hand opinion on her situation since that is basically what you fear.

You get to an age where being with your family of origin is a choice, sm [2008-12-02]
You have hit that time! You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. Friends are God's way of making up for your family. You know many of the other sayings that go with these. Ummm could there be a universal truth behind them? Yes, and you have come up on it. NO you donAunt Becky to have a relationship with only ONE of your THREE precious children! NO you DO NOT have to put up with negative, nasty, hurtful talk to your face, to your back or to your ar$e!!! I am not that much older than you are. I donfamily and so they are. I call my family a pain the ar$e. Family becomes a choice later in life when your head is screwed on straight. Yours is on straight, tell the riff raff to take a HIKE. Live your life and be happy.

I would not give her the money [2008-12-02]
I don't give out money anymore because I am still making the payments on what I have co-signed. It doesn't sound like she has anywhere else to turn to, I would talk to her more about why that is.

These 10 things definitely ain't right: [2008-12-01]
1) MTSOs who want people with top-notch skills and experience, but don't want to pay them what that skill is worth. 2) HMO's: So-called *health-maintenance-organizations* --yet they spend every minute and every dime of their far-too-large profits on denying healthcare, meds and procedures to their patients. These organizations have ruined American healthcare, and many American lives. HMO's have been a con-game since their inception. 3) The Bailouts: Giving money to companies who can too bad for the rest of you.* Then the Big Three show up in DC to beg for a handout, and fly there in private Lear jets. My answer to them would be, *I too bad for the rest of you.* 4) Apartment managers that won't allow even a single quiet, well-behaved pet, but will rent to people with continually screaming small children, and out-of-control older children and teens. Give me the pets for neighbors, ANY day. 5) Businesses that give an age-discount to absolutely everything that walks, runs or flies, but not to the middle-aged middle-class, who need it the most. Take the ski-industry: Young children ski for next-to-nothing, and sometimes nothing. There is a Teen Discount. There is a Student Discount for college kids. There I'll probably never be old enough - it's a carrot-on-a-stick, always just out of reach.) There are even corporate (UGH) discounts. But for those in my age group, who barely make ends meet but like to go up once a year for a couple days of bliss, there is NOTHING. 6) Travel-lodging deals that are always based on double or quadruple occupancy. What about singles? NOTHING. 7) TV commercials that are about a million decibels louder than the regular shows. Why can't it all be the same volume? Same with online newscasts. THEIR commercials will blow your eardrums out if you aren't quick enough turning down the volume before they start. 8) Surround-sound: Everything is too loud, already! Why do we need it coming at us from 4 directions? Why do people living in tiny apartments feel they need it? I've lost count of how many fights I've had with neighbors over this issue. Same with movies and music concerts. Why do they feel we need to feel the music in our SPLEENS? I went to Universal Amphitheater last week. (Now named something else). There is actually a sign outside warning that the decibel level inside might damage your hearing! (?!?!?!) Why do they need this? (To avoid lawsuits, obviously). If it's so loud you have to post a warning sign outside the entrance, then DUH.... it's TOO LOUD! 9) Banks that charge you a fee to use their ATM. They (I haven't actually been INSIDE a bank in YEARS).... and they want to charge US for using the machines instead of the tellers? Forget it. I won't give those banks my business. 10) The Post Office: Talk about rewarding slow, inept performance! The worse their employees are, the longer they seem to stay there. I'd rather have a root canal than go to a P.O. during the holiday season.

Hubby with hearing and greedy problems [2008-11-30]
Dear NOT Silly Girl, I am a clinical psychologist and now teach medical transcription. I lost my deaf old sweetie 2 years ago. He was incredibly vain about wearing aids and/or his glasses. FINALLY got him to an audiologist in Canada (half the price than here in US) but getting him to wear the aids was another matter. Solved it by training just like dog or horse. Yep! Intermittent positive reinforcement - rewards, treats, smooches, etc. I told him I would only go out to dinner or shopping with him if he wore the hearing aids. Refused to go out of house with him unless he had them on -- and he loved going out! It worked, except then I still had to repeat everything 3 times inside! Many, many frank discussions also helped. Turned out he was incredibly vain and thought he looked old with hearing aids. I finally convinced him that shouting at people REALLY made him look old. He got contacts instead of glasses. As to self-centeredness, that has to be educated out of him, too. All this takes time. Just talk to him about values whenever he acts that way, and when he stops the selfishness, reward him. That is not acceptable behavior in an adult -- and I would tell him so directly. Good luck. Rosie By the way, I would take

A lot of us have things in our past........ sm [2008-11-30]
that we are not proud of, and while we do not deliberately try to hide them, sometimes it is just easier not to talk about them as it is painful and very often misunderstood by those around us, even our spouses. It is not my business what this secret is that your husband has, but it sounds as if it is something that he has learned a lesson from and probably will not end up repeating in the future. My own personal opinion is that if this is not something that is threatening your marriage or your children right now, I would let the past stay in the past. In other words, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

I just need to VENT and see what you all think...Beware...this is long...sm [2008-11-30]
I have tried twice to tell this story but deleted it both times because the story is just too long so I will be as short as I can. I have a bunch of ROTTEN TO THE CORE sisters.My sisters are just about the worst people I have ever met in my whole 43 years on this planet. There is one who is especially bad and I just told my other sister that if she ever dies, to please not call me as I won I come from a very large family with 5 sisters and 1 brother with my brother being the oldest. He is not involved. He sort ofleft the family years ago because he couldn They did terrible things to him after his divorce. We rarely see him now.I am considered a scumbag and a loser because my husband and I don We don We don We can We love our children with everything in our souls. They have made fun of me and my husband and insulted us to our faces.My husband and I have a difficult marriage as he is tough to get along with so they hate my husband My sistershave all gone out to dinner without inviting me. I have found out because of someone They have made threats and sent rumors flying throughout the family, without me knowing, about calling DCYF on me. I heard that one too from a slip of the tongue. I cried for 2 hours in the shower that day. They talk about everyone and I mean everyone badly. They have awell known reputation ina couple of our towns here for being mean horrible girls. They are about as fake and phony as a person can get. Sweet and all smiles to your face and when you turn around, they stick that knife in as far as they can get it in. They have what they have in their lives because of what someone has given them. My sister had her property given to her by her in-laws. It is worth about $1,000,000. My other sister had land given to her by her husbandto lessen their mortage burden so now they owe almost nothing on their $500,000 house. They think they are fabulous people. They think they are the cat In the past years when we were all talking and I would be invited to a holiday, I was not spoken to at all the whole time I was there. I am a venter and I always have been so if my husband and I are fighting, I will always go to my older sister (one up from me) and vent and vent until I can She gets on the phone the second I leave and tells every person in my family what is going on. They in turn judge me and my husband, make their threats, and so on. This is also happening to my oldest sister and her partner (she is in a gay relationship but was always dating a man and was married twice) and my sister The three of us, me, my sister and her partner, and my sister We get along well. We are happy with each other. We don Whatever happens in each other lives, we just accept it and don I now attend holidays at my sister I don I don The sisters (I like to call them the Witches of Eastwick) all attend holidays with each other up at my sister The three of us are not invited. My older sister has a son. Several yeas ago, my sister and her partner had a terrible fight with him. He went to the witches and told them a bunch of lies and now they have pretty much shunned her and her daughter and me too because we still talk to her.I have a sister, who is involved in all of this, that I speak to on a regular basis. She is close to my kids or at least my oldest son. She pretty much ignores my other two children and they tell me, It She is the one who has spread rumors about me in the family trying to get everyone to call DCYF on me. I heard this too by a slip of the tongue from another sister a few years back. I tend to be a forgiving person so I quietly forgave her for this without her ever knowing that I knew what she was trying to do. Now that they are all inviited to the holidays up to my sister They are extremely fat just like her. These holiday trips up north are usually kept quiet and I only know about it the day before they are leaving to go, which is when she inevitably asks me to come feed her f******g cats. This is how Iknow that a big party is going on up at the cabin and once again only the chosen selected few are going. This is usually for 3 or 4 days and they get fed twice a day so I have to goto her house twice a day. Sometimes I have to give them medication and the last time she asked me, I even had to soak her sick cat She lives about 20 minutes away from me. This girl would NEVER, NEVER, EVER do this for me. My husband and I took our children on a cruise 3 years ago and we have a cat and I never asked her to do this for me as I know she would have laughed in my face. I have been feeding her cats for years now when she goes away. Keep in mind though that she was in the select chosen few to be invited up to the cabin. I was not as I am considered trash in the family. I am SICK AND TIRED of feeding this girl My sister who invites everyone to go is a mean, horrible, sadistic, vicious, backstabbing wretched b***h. No one will say anything to her like, Gee Pat, where is everyone else? Didn They could care less. All they know is that THEY were invited. Anyway, I am sorry this is so long. I cananymore. I have been thinking of this all day all weekend long. I am really to the point where I just don I am goingto tell my fat a** b***h sister to fnd another way to get her cats fed because I She is just using me and believe me when I tell you, she enjoys it. She is verydiabolical. She loves it that I am not invited and she and her husband are.She even questions me and counts the cat food cans to make sure that I came on all of the days they were gone. These people have balls of brass and I have had ENOUGH.I am just sitting and waiting patiently for the next time she says, Oh, we Can you come and feed the cats? I just canNo. I can I will never feed your cats again! Find some other sucker to do it! I believe that they are severely narcissistic people and this is nothing to take lightly.These types of people are very destructive. Do any of you have family members like this and what do you do about them? How do you stop them from making you feelsad, lonely, excluded andless than you are or deserve? I think it is time for me to cut all ties with them. I just can

Did anyone watch Wolfgang Puck on HSN .ast night.. [2008-11-29]
Lord, did that hostess with himtalk to no end. I couldn Everytime he She was talking nonstop. And saying the same thing over and over. Also, did you see when Wolfgang Puck sneezed into to the towel? THen he wipedpans and the counter with it? Then I noticed not too long after that he put some fritata on a plate and gave it to the talkative host and I didn I have to hand it Mr. Puck for the amount of patience he showed with Ms. Butt-In-Ski. Well, I guess t.v. has really gone downhill when you end up enjoying the commercials more than the shows, but I do...especially when they are selling cookware.

it's not lying [2008-11-26]
It's just not. I was about to get all preachy and talk about how we need mythology in our lives--stories that tell teach us morals, that remind us of our traditions--but I'll stay off the soapbox for now and just say that for as long as my kids are willing to believe, I will give them stories to believe in. The five-minute cry when they discover Santa isn't real, is more than made up for by the years of joy beforehand, don't you think? As for talking in front of the kids, I don they're good at that.

LOL exactly. [2008-11-26]
and when young children are hungry, you feed them cause you never know when they are going to be picky and not eat. She sent a bag of sweet potatoes and asked if I would make them. Hubs was steaming them for me. I just went to check them - there are 3. For 14 people (that we know of), she has 3 sweet potatoes. It's a good thing I have some. Tomorrow should be fun. Maybe its an age thing. I know they talk about not eating as much any more, splitting meals when they go out for dinner, etc. Maybe they don't remember what the average adult or teenage boy eats? Who knows! I thank everyone for the brainstorming session though. I think I have some good ideas and will check back in the morning to see if there are more. :)

Does anyone play board games or card games anymore? [2008-11-25]
My 7-year-old child was invited to a B-day party for a little boy that was also turning 7. Anyway, when it came to opening gifts, he got Wii game toys, the different controlers and games. I did not even know the kid had a Wii game, but it seemed like everyone else did. I bought him a race track and a game of Go Fish. The race track got an I already have that comment and the Go Fish was what the heck. He did not say that but he kinid of looked at it like that and put it back in the bag. I wondered if he even knows what Go Fish is. The only gamesmy child has are board games, card games, those free games you can play on the computer and 1 game that plugs into the TV. It looks like a joystick and it has 3 games in it. These games have helped her in her reading because she has to read directions. She can identify a lot of the ocean fish. I was treated like an outcast at the party anyway. Itried to join in conversations with the other mothers, I would get ignored or very short answers, some would actually walk away. Then one mother actually turned her back to me to talk to another so I would just listen. They were talking about building houses, they have lots of land blah blah blah. They were giving each other advice on what to do with it all. When the conversation turned to how their kids are struggling in this subject or that that is when I got up and left because they toned their conversation down and then shut it off completely when then thought I was listening, so I thought that was my cue just leave so they can vent to one another about it. Itwas moreabout the teachers expecting too much blah blah blah.I have known some of these mothers or their spouses since we were little kids. They really treated me like trash back then. I thought that now that we were in our 30s, have not had much contact with each other since HS until now that our kids are going to school together, it would be like water under the bridge. Guess not. The families were wealthier than we were (just about every family was wealthier than we were back thenlol)but I know theycan Well, actually I don The only thing I did have over them is my kid is not struggling in school. She is making straight As on all her subjects. The only reason I went was because my 7-year-old and the7-year-old boy are really good friends and Ithought thatmaybe me and the other mothercould find something in common.At school, they are in separable so I really wanted dd to go to help him celebrate his special day. I could not help but notice that dd played with him more and the others were playing among themselves. I do worry if that tee I worry that they are going to discriminate against DD because I was a poorlittle nobody back in school and they were popular.I worry that they are going to start refusing to let the little boy play with dd and it will break her heart and hate me. I take baths, I practice clean living, always have, no drugs, alcohol. I don I pay my bills. Everything I own, I got honestly, paid for it myself. Of course, it isn H is not from here, he went to school elsewhere. I used to worry about that too back when we 1st started dating..Him finding out I was an outcast, dork or whatever and hate me. Now I worry that my child is going find out and resent me.

Agree with old part-timer [2008-11-25]
what's done is done. Is it worth the argument? He won't understand. Get it back, talk to him and let him know next time you would appreciate if he asked you first or asked them to come back when you are home. I would even ask him how he would like you to proceed which such a request of his things in his absence. He may not admit it but I bet he'll think about it later. If you are going to argue about something, make sure its worth the strain on your marriage.

This all comes down to the parents [2008-11-25]
I think those women are making a big mistake. I love my sister and nephew, don But he is like that 7 yo and it drives me crazy. BUT my sister and BIL are to blame, I feel. He gets a toy every time they He gets a new toy if he My sister feels guilty if he likes something and she doesn They buy him major video games just because, instead of reserving these things for birthdays or Christmas. They will go out and buy him a $200 item in the middle of the week and when I ask what the occasion is? Nothing, we just thought he'd like it! He is well behaved and they don Yes, it Growing up when we would talk, my sister had definite opinions about what she would and would not do when she had children, and this is not how she felt back then. But he doesn In my opinion, they Just my opinion.

I know I mentioned about the gift [2008-11-24]
but it really isn't so much about that but that she can't find 5 minutes to stop by for my shower. It's right by her house. Maybe she invited me to her wedding reception thinking that I wouldn't come and would just send a gift? I don't know. I am just hurt more than upset. It makes me feel like she doesn't even try but I guess the gift was her way of trying and my life is just in a different, more mature, place than hers. Having a baby puts life into perspective very quickly. Thank you for the kind words. I hear this scenario with a lot of people but guess I just thought that wasn't us since we still talk and see each other often. But you are right, I can't let the relationship be one-sided either.

Wow! Was a nerve hit??? [2008-11-24]
I didnLeave it to Beaver. That's just not the case. By the end of the 1960s and into the 1970s the pendulum had started to swing so far toward women having careers that we were often belittled for choosing to be home with the children. Remember Hillary Clinton's cookie baking comment during her husband's first campaign? In fact, stay-at-home moms were the norm for only one brief period in our history right after WW II in the post war boom times. There was a pretty awful recession in the 1970s, and I remember gas rationing and long lines at the pumps. My mother had to work two jobs, and my father, who was in construction, was often one of the first to feel economic ups and downs in his paycheck. But we had dinner together every night at the kitchen table. Before the stay-at-home mothers of 1950's t.v. fame, most mothers worked. They had to. Only the very privileged stayed home and waited for Ward Cleaver to come home from the office. My grandmother, who lived to be 94, God bless her soul, was born in 1908. Her mother died during the great Spanish flu epidemic in 1918. My grandmother was the eldest of four children, and at the age of 10 she became the woman of the house. She stopped going to school so that she could cook and clean and took care of her father and siblings. And no one thought that was wrong. It was expected because there really weren't any government social services -- no welfare, no foster care. Eventually, when her father's depression over the loss of his wife became so great that he couldn't manage to bring home an income, people in the neighborhood just took over. The two eldest children went to live with other families. The two youngest went to an orphanage. My grandmother's father just drifted away and his children never saw him again. My grandmother married at age 20 and had four children during the depression. Talk about having it hard. When I was a young mother trying to make ends meet and I'd cry to my grandmother, she brought me around to reality. She told me what it was like for her to raise children during that time. Many a night she cried over whether or not she could even feed her children or if they would have a roof over their heads. And she wasn't alone. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, was in the same boat. The Great Depression was enormous. She and my grandfather worked wherever and whenever they could. They brought home a dollar or two at a time and fed their children buttermilk and potatoes. They didn't sleep, they worried all the time. Today, my grandmother's washboard hangs in my kitchen on the wall next to my dishwasher. It reminds me that I have no right to ever say that things are harder on us today. They aren't. Generally speaking, most Americans have so many more advantages, choices and opportunities than those who came before us. Yet many in my generation and the one or two generations behind me are just whiners and crybabies who don't think about the big picture. They even dare to say they have a harder time as parents today. Please. Not even close! Every generation seems to believe that, but just a short trip through a history book proves otherwise. I'm not that very old. But I've raised my children and I raised them well. I know what it takes to do that. It takes self-discipline, sacrifice and consistency. And you know what? That's exhausting. Parents today are tired. So what? All parents are tired. Offer it up, as the old nuns used to say. The kids have homework an hour a night. So what? They should have homework, and parents should make sure that it gets done, because education is important. There are parent-teacher meetings to attend, coaches association meetings, scout meetings, dance lessons, school recitals, etc. etc. etc. So what? Balance it out, quit what can't be done, do what can. Work because you have to. The kids have to be fed. It's still easier than it was a generation ago, two generations ago, three and on and on. We're parents to young ones for only a short time. Which reminds me, let's not forget about birth control. Most of us have 2-point-whatever children these days. I'm the youngest of 7. Most of the families in my neighborhood when I was growing up had 4 or more children. Today women can choose to have as many or as few children as they want. That means that we parent for far fewer years than the generations before us. I'm done with day-to-day parenting after just 20 years, and in fact, it got much easier on my day-to-day schedule once my boys were in high school. But my mother had children at home for 34 years. Imagine the number of cloth diapers for 7 children for year after year after year. Yes. I had it far easier, and I know it. So when I was exhausted raising my two boys, I just sucked it up and kept at it. The OP, I think, probably didn't want to be as blunt as I'm willing to be. She IS helping by babysitting her grandchildren while her children work. I'm sure she loves her children and grandkids, but I'm willing to bet that if she dared to say to her children the things I've posted, her children would react just as you did and she'd end up cut off from her family. To the OP: I hope it helped to vent a little, and I want you to know that I understand.

Agree with OP [2008-11-24]
Whew, this hit a nerve with me! My last guy thought everything we owned (that I bought) was community property. Anything anybody lacked, mine was theirs for the taking - be it my food, yard tools, my car, my cell phone, anything at all. He My most unforgettable time was when he whined and begged until I charged him a $500 tool set on my credit card. Within a week he had loaned the entire set to a brand new acquaintance, and gee, wow, someone stole it from THEM. Of course, if Ihave a problem withthis I am just a selfish B who doesn OK, so be it - I'm not a charity for every mooch he meets just so HE can look like a nice guy. Those of you who think that possessions mean nothing, perhaps they don But it gives you no right to think mine mean nothing to ME. Nobody else has a clue what sacrifices I might have made to afford my possessions, or how much sentimental value they may hold, or how difficult they may be to replace. Some of the old junk I own was handmade by my grandparents! IMHO, its a violation of trust to sneak something out of the house owned by someone you love and put it in the hands of strangers. Whose feelings SHOULD matter more? The needy stranger? The wanna-be Mr. Generous? Or the OWNER of the item? OP, your husband needs a wake up call. Take something that has great emotional value to him and hide it - the harder to replace, the better. When he finds it missing, tell him you loaned it to someone you barely know because you felt the need to appear magnanimous, and you KNEW he wouldn I think that should get the message across, and if it doesn't repeat it as many times as necessary.

401K contributions [2008-11-23]
WIth all this talk about losing money in our 401K did anyone stop making contributions to their 401K? I Thoughts?

I've been there. [2008-11-22]
I don't believe in getting even - although, whew! I'm human. I've performed several mental castrations. But through quiet observance, being stuck around this person albeit distant, I learned I didn't have to stoop. Life took care of that time and time again with the fool. Talk it out with the right person, cry it out, write it out as much as you can; key word is out. Find an outlet, running, drawing; don't bury it within.

Thanks [2008-11-20]
Maybe I would feel better if I did take over the bills again. It can't add any more stress to me than I already have with the current situation. I thought him seeing it would bring reality but obviously it still hasn't and how much further do I want to go down this path to the big black hole. I guess we'll have to sit down and I'll have to do my wifely duty of giving him a pep talk and trying to relieve his stress and mine. He is just going to have to realize, whether he wants to or not, we do NOT have the money for xmas and all that if we want to have a xmas in our house. I just don't see any way around that one but I'll do my best to guide him to making the decisions about what to spend, etc. so he doesn't feel like I'm giving him an allowance or telling him no and we'll see how it goes from there. Thanks again, I appreciate your talk this morning.

My husband can't say no to people either...sm [2008-11-20]
Unless he gets mad about something. We don't really work it out. I am usually just stuck as you say being the bad guy or give in. Find comfort in the fact that you aren't the only one who struggles with bills. I bought my son a Playstation 3 for X-mas this year for $400 but the only way I was able to do that was to put back money all year and hide it. It seems just typical man, most anyway, that you tell them and tell them but they don't pay you any mind or they don't want to hear it. Just sit him down and talk and tell him it isnno. Throw in some tears, which shouldn't be hard to do, for more effect. Maybe he will feel bad.

make a call [2008-11-20]
Look in the phone book under Alcoholics Anonymous and call the central office. Tell them you need someone to make a 12-step call. Someone from your local area who is in AA will come over to your house and talk to your husband and you can leave with the kids during this time. By the time you get back, your husband will have decided whether or not he will sober up. Usually the person he talked to will assume responsibility for taking him to the meetings or finding someone who will sponsor him. So you are off the hook at this point. On the other hand, he may decide no thanks and then you will have your real answer. AA is free and pretty crowded with new people around the holidays, so the timing is good. The average age of a person coming into AA is 25 to 45, so there should be plenty of people for him to talk to. At the same meeting place there should be meetings for you called Al-Anon and for your son called Alateen. Good Luck!