Divorced parents college agreement

I was an animal science major in college and... [2008-11-27]
my poultry professor said that fresher eggs are harder to peel. The problem is that you can't tell from the store which the older eggs are because when they expire, they just repackage them with newer dates and send them back out because they only go bad if there is a defect in the shell.

This all comes down to the parents [2008-11-25]
I think those women are making a big mistake. I love my sister and nephew, don But he is like that 7 yo and it drives me crazy. BUT my sister and BIL are to blame, I feel. He gets a toy every time they He gets a new toy if he My sister feels guilty if he likes something and she doesn They buy him major video games just because, instead of reserving these things for birthdays or Christmas. They will go out and buy him a $200 item in the middle of the week and when I ask what the occasion is? Nothing, we just thought he'd like it! He is well behaved and they don Yes, it Growing up when we would talk, my sister had definite opinions about what she would and would not do when she had children, and this is not how she felt back then. But he doesn In my opinion, they Just my opinion.

Selfish parents [2008-11-24]
People are selfish these days...no one wants to be bothered with their own kids...and before you think I am TOO old, I am only 49 with 18 and 24 year old sons. I A DD too sounds like she resents having to help her children with homework and extracurricular activities. That is the price you pay for the joy of raising your children...get over it. My dh and I have been active in our kids sports and school all their lives and it just shocks me at how many people give their 8-10 year olds $20 and tell them go play somewhere while they are out at a hockey rink, or school gym and these are the kids causing trouble or running around like banchees. Someone could snatch them up at any time and then they Also I Before my kids started kindergarten they knew their numbers, colors, letters, could print their name and could read some words, because my husband and I spent the time with them to teach them, spent time WITH them. that is what you do when you're a parent...sorry but this is my biggest pet peeve about parents today.

If your mom and dad just divorced this year, have you ever thought of depression? sm [2008-11-22]
Maybe your dad is going through a real hard adjustment to his new life and could use a little help or boost from you instead of a cold shoulder. Sounds to me like he might just be in some major depression as his life has had a drastic change. Reach out to him and help him in his time of need. Sure he is an adult, but everyone can walk on hard times with major traumatic events going on in their life and he may just lack desire to care due to his depression.

I would have divorced a long time ago....sm [2008-11-21]
when my husband had a drug problem. I didn't because my son told me he would not come with me but that he would choose to stay with his dad. He was around 7 years old at the time. I couldn't leave my son. So I didn't leave. He is so close to his daddy. He would pick his dad drugs and all over me any day of the week and that hurt me very bad because I have always been a good mom. So I stayed. I guess God helped me though because my husband quit using drugs miraculously later and we are doing pretty good now.

Probably borrow from his parents - sm [2008-11-13]
they are loaded, though act poor (have a couple mil in the bank). Borrow enough to a pay off the house $40K if they would go for it, and I think they would, or sell the house (borrow from them until house is sold) and either rent for a while (we'd have about $140K after the sale of the house and mortgage paid off) or buy a much smaller house. We have land we can sell too so we would not be destitute though it would cause some problems.

What kind of college degree? [2008-11-09]
I can't believe a degree would be useless!

Not educational. This is something that should be the parents job to teach, not the school. sm [2008-10-16]
Besides, why should school children have a field trip to ANY wedding? What would people say if someone had a field trip to a church service? These are things that parents need to be able to teach their children when the time is right.

Unfortunately, the schools stick their nose in many things that should be the parents job (sm) [2008-10-16]
my children have had teachers give one-sided views of politics, whether they should be democrats or republicants, who their parents should be voting for, etc. For some reason, some teachers don We don't pay them to teach their opinion.

I still think it should be the parents who teach the child these things, not the school's place. [2008-10-16]
Each child goes to school to learn facts. They learn their social skills, values, etc.at home and from friends that their parents allow them to associate with. The school is a public entity full of many INDIVIDUALS who all have different values and opinions. Teachers should not be teaching children their own personal values and should leave that to the parents.

It can't because most parents (read this board!) are NOT [2008-10-16]

Help! I live next to parents and they ...sm [2008-10-15]
are driving me mad, well my dad is anyways. I have always lived on my parents land next door to them. I live in a mobile home. Well my mom and dad divorced this year because my dad was cheating. He was calling another woman up to 10 times a day, going to her house, has give her everything he has. He owned cattle and sold them and got $32,000 for them. Well the money disappeared and he was broke before long. This woman he is cheating with is on disability and lives in a house and has a SUV. Her daughter has a car and son a truck and none of them work. Mama has looked on his bank statements and seen where he is making their payments. Well of course mom put him out. Like to never got him out. He got a mobile home and parked it on the land. She got 3 acres and the house in divorce. He has the remaining 7 acres. Well he puts his mobile home on his part and refuses to hook it up. He is staying in this trailer with no power, no sewage, nothing. There is only a bed. He has had the money to hook it up right. My mother has offered him part of the furniture and a TV. He doesn He refuses to live like a normal human being. Then he comes to my moms house every day when she gets off of work and wants to come in and take a shower. She is like no we aren You have a trailer and you go hook it up and take a shower over there. Well it has water to it he just doesn Well that is his own problem. He chooses not to have it hooked up because I guess he wants an excuse to come over to moms. Well she tells him no. Then he comes to my house and sits and sits. He comes over because he has no furniture and no TV or nothing. He comes and rumages through my cabinets and bums food. If me and my mom are at my house and decide to cook something he invites himself over there and helps himself. I have never seen anyone who was so annoying. I can He refuses to get a washer or dryer which without electricity it wouldn So he comes to my house and says can I wash my laundry? Well gues what? I end up doing it cause he doesn Then he leaves it there and expects me to finish it. I can not hardly do my work because he comes over and says are you busy? I just wanted to talk. I won Then he just sits there. I am at my wits end. I just want to move. He came over and said can I borrow a duffle bag? I said ok. I give it to him. He says I am gonna go buy one and I will bring it back. I never have got it back. Then he comes over and says can I borrow an ice chest. I let him borrow it and never get it back. He bums off of everyone here but this other woman and her children he gives whatever they want. He has taken money from me and my sister. He has borrowed money against my sisters extra vehicle she had paid for. He asked and she let him. he didn THis is his own daughter he did this to now. My husband had a pickup in my dads name because his credit wasn Big mistake. When the truck was almost paid formy dadborrowed money against the truck behind our backs. THen the truck is stolen and insurance has to pay it off. Well it was worth more than what was owing so we got the differnece. Well he had borrowed $1600 against it and said he didn So it came out of our insurance money from the truck. Finally when we knew he had some money we had to bug him and bug him for the money and he said $1000 is all he owed. He borrowed $1600 and paid one note on it before the truck was stolen. So we were out about $500. He takes from his children. I am at wits end. I want to get far far away from him. My sister lives an hour an a half away and she seems pretty lucky right now. What the heck to do?

College fund? Yeah ah, what's that? [2008-10-13]
pay their own way. College for my kids is the least of my worries. I am just trying to keep food on the table and the bills paid that keep going up and up. No, I don The hospital I came from that outsourced my job overseas just laid off 30 people last week. It Job hunting? Well let's just say if you can find one that pays more, then go for it, but there's always that learning curve. Thank God I work from home and find no need to purchase new attire for the season. We haven Our salary is $80,000.00 a year combined, and we still live paycheck to paycheck basically with 2 kids to clothe and feed. Christmas? I So, not all is me, me, me, now, now, now... Am I blessed? Yes, I am. We both have jobs and an income and healthcare. Vacation and college????? Privileges as far as I If my kid wants a college education, he He'll have a place to live (right here).

Best one though - I don't have to live with my parents :-) sm [2008-10-08]
I love them, love to visit them, talk to them on the phone...but I don't have to live with them!

Try community college first sm [2008-10-07]
It was not cool for my kids to go to college locally, so we literally wasted good money on out-of-state high brow -- only to find unhappiness at missing the friends, girlfriends, etc. One ended up back in state at a good university at a much less drain on our budget and he is now a professor there. Canreal stuff such as grad school, etc., which is almost imperative today to compete. Good luck!!!

College search - For those of you who have had experience - [2008-10-06]
In your opinion, is it more fruitful to go on an open house when all the departments are out there with handouts and such, or on individual or small group appointments with maybe a little more one-on-one? I'm overwhelmed already, and we've only been to two colleges!

Both of my sons are in college now. [2008-10-06]
It's very easy to become overwhelmed quickly during the search. My husband and I approached the process a little differently. We didn't do anything like the other parents and high school juniors/seniors were doing. We did pretty much... well nothing. We let our kids lead in the process. We didn't even look at the applications unless our sons asked us to. We felt that our job was to guide them and to keep them from getting caught up in the college search mania that seems to grip everyone during those last two years in high school. My husband and I went to the same, very large university (Temple U). Back all those years ago, it just seemed that there wasncollege experience for us was living at home and going to school. College was more of a practical work-and-study experience for us. And we received very good educations. Fast forward to our own children. We told both of our sons that they should think of their college experience as the preliminary work for their careers. They didnexperience. Our oldest son was not quite sure what he wanted to do, so he wisely chose to spend a year at the local community college. We were thrilled! It cost us less than his high school tuition! He checked out different options and settled on a meteorology major. With that decided, he discovered that there was only one school that we could afford and that had a great program. He applied, was accepted, and his community college credits transferred. He is now a junior. Our younger son wants to be an engineer, though heoptions and fits. Why such a long post that seems a bit off-topic? Well, because I see so many people stress over this decision. It really isn't the end of the world. It's four short years of a person's life. They're important years, to be sure. But they don't have to be make or break years. Most college students will change majors at some point, many will transfer to other schools. These decisions can be re-made later on. You are in the market for a product, just as if you were shopping for a car or other big ticket item. Try to keep calm about it so that your student doesn't pick up on the stress. It is stressful, but if you keep it all in perspective, the stress doesn't have to feel so overwhelming. And for the short answer: We liked visiting the schools at open house to get a general feel for the place. At that point you can usually tell if the school is a viable option or not. If not, no reason to revisit. If yes, then visit again and make an appointment for a personal tour and/or interview. Don't worry! You'll survive!

Anyone here caring for aging parents? [2008-10-02]
Whoof. This is so very hard. My mother is/was a brilliant educator, highly respected in her field. We are walking a very thin line these days. I just hate it, and I do not use that word often. We have found an assisted living facility that she likes, and I do as well. But, she is not liking the fact that she must decide. Oh, it is so very hard. She was quite ill back in the summer, went to a nursing home for therapy (to recover from pneumonia), and then home. She is failing, and not going gentle into that good night. She wants so very much to live on her own, but it is such a struggle. I am afraid for her, and I am so very tired. Is anyone else living with this? If so, what do you do? I have read a thousand articles, talked with so many specialists, and still am lost.

Aging parents [2008-10-02]
Well, ya know, you just do what you need to do during these times. I helped care for both my folks and they each died in their mid 60s of cancer. I did a lot of praying to find the strength and really kept remembering I only had one mom and one dad and after all they had given up to give us kids a good life growing up, it was the absolutely least I could do. My brothers and sister were just great too and we got to the point we took shifts, even when they were hospitalized. Looking back, we had some really very nice moments. I can actually say Ihaveno regrets and feel no guilt about perhaps what I should have done later.If you do have siblings, ask for help. Take care of yourselves as you really are not as capable of caring for your parents otherwise.

It certainly is sad for the kids and their parents but - [2008-09-21]
I would much prefer to hear about an 11-year-old or 13-year-old being abandoned under the Safe Haven laws rather than hearing about their mother or father deciding the only way out of a desperate situation was to kill their children and themselves. The children are old enough that they have probably had numerous conversations with their parent(s) about why they are being left and how to find them later (at least I hope so.)

parents [2008-09-10]
I had a daughter in a similar situation. Her school had a tutoring program after schools with actual teachers and that really helped her a lot. She actually was doing okay in the class, but just didn't feel confident. The teachers made her feel more sure of herself and that seemed to make all the difference. I'd talk with the physics teacher or counselor to see if they can work with her before she drops the class.

Parents what would you do? [2008-09-10]
I My daughter just started the 9th grade. She This year she She She wants to drop out of the class already. I told her to give it to the first semester which will be over in ten weeks to see how it goes. My husband feels that she has to take it eventually so she should say in the class. She I think she should talk to the teacher and her counselor to see what advice they have. Her teacher is one that gives the work and says do it without really teaching them how to do anything. I My husband took physics years ago and he tried to work with her last night, but I What would you do if your child was in the same predicament?

college was definitely wasted on me [2008-09-09]
First I tried sociology, then quit to get married. Then I tried nursing school but couldn't deal with it anymore, so I purposefully got pregnant so I could quit in my last semester of school (first trimester of the pregnancy). I'm just not smart enough for that stuff anyway.

I depends on the person/student. Not everyone is cut out for college. [2008-09-08]
And it would sure help if the local school systems would actually TEACH things like English grammar, etc. Isn't that more important than reading Hemingway?

Is College Worth It? [2008-09-08]
As parents pack their youngsters off to college, they might ask themselves whether itAmerica The U.S. Department of Education statistics show that 76 out of 100 students who graduate in the bottom 40 percent of their high school class do not graduate from college, even if they spend eight and a half years in college. That's even with colleges having dumbed down classes to accommodate such students. Only 23 percent of the 1.3 million students who took the ACT college entrance examinations in 2007 were prepared to do college-level study in math, English and science. Even though a majority of students are grossly under-prepared to do college-level work, each year colleges admit hundreds of thousands of such students. While colleges have strong financial motives to admit unsuccessful students, for failing students the experience can be devastating. They often leave with their families, or themselves, having piled up thousands of dollars in debt. There is possibly trauma and poor self-esteem for having failed, and perhaps embarrassment for their families. Dr. Nemko says that worst of all is that few of these former college students, having spent thousands of dollars, wind up in a job that required a college education. It's not uncommon to find them driving a taxi, working at a restaurant or department store, performing some other job that they could have had as a high school graduate or dropout. What about students who are prepared for college? First, only 40 percent of each year 45 percent never graduate at all. Often, having a college degree does not mean much. According to a 2006 Pew Charitable Trusts study, 50 percent of college seniors failed a test that required them to interpret a table about exercise and blood pressure, understand the arguments of newspaper editorials, and compare credit card offers. About 20 percent of college seniors did not have the quantitative skills to estimate if their car had enough gas to get to the gas station. According a recent National Assessment of Adult Literacy, the percentage of college graduates proficient in prose literacy has declined from 40 percent to 31 percent within the past decade. Employers report that many college graduates lack the basic skills of critical thinking, writing and problem-solving. Colleges are in business. Students are a cost. Research is a profit center. When colleges boast about having this professor who has won a science award or that professor who has won the Nobel Prize, very often an undergraduate student will never be taught by that professor. It is a bait and switch tactic and very often your youngster will take classes not taught by a professor but taught in large classes by a graduate student. Faculty who bring in large grants are more highly valued than faculty who teach well. Teaching excellence is so often undervalued that the late Ernest Boyer, vice president for Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching, quipped that, Winning the campus teaching award is the kiss of death when it comes to tenure. Parents and taxpayers cough up billions upon billions of dollars to the nationbait and switch, confer fraudulent degrees and engage in other practices that would bring legal sanctions if done by any other business. There is little or no oversight of the nationChoosing the Right College (http://isi.org/college_guide/choosing_right_college.html).

my list [2008-12-04]
Viagara, Cialis, retirement villages, multi million sports figures stating they drive a Buick or a Ford. Insurance salesmen with one foot in the grave themselves, on-line schools with degrees in 18 months guaranteed, mattress ads, especially designed by designers, you sleep on them for ,,,,sake, you don free stuff where you just pay shipping. And that's only a partial list - no room for all of them and no room to make this perfect English or punctuation. There are on-line courses for this, just send them your credit card number and they will make you a college grad in no time!

Cure for In-Law Problems [2008-12-04]
Marry a man with dead parents! His father died years before we met and his mother died right after we started dating. Poof! Problem taken care of. Now before you all start flaming me, I am just kidding. But I do realize how lucky I am to not have to deal with a MIL. He has brothers who have children and grandchildren, so they spend Christmas Day with their families. We all get together on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day we go to my familyOne of my sisters has theMIL from He$$ and boy doesshe wish she was in my place!

Cure for In-Law Problems [2008-12-04]
Marry a man with dead parents! His father died years before we met and his mother died right after we started dating. Poof! Problem taken care of. Now before you all start flaming me, I am just kidding. But I do realize how lucky I am to not have to deal with a MIL. He has brothers who have children and grandchildren, so they spend Christmas Day with their families. We all get together on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day we go to my familyOne of my sisters has theMIL from He$$ and boy doesshe wish she was in my place!

I understand your feelings [2008-12-03]
My in-laws woncut back which means what exactly???? I don't know. I didn't grow up with big Christmas presents and all that...family and dinner was emphasized. It makes me wish xmas was just another day. We can't afford it this year but when trying to talk to anyone about it they act like we have no head. If you want to participate, I would do the flat $25 in a gift card for dinner or groceries and leave it at that. How can they get upset when you stick to the agreement. If they don't like your choice, that's too bad. Maybe they shouldn't participate next year if they have such high standards.

Am I the Wicked Step-Mother? [2008-12-02]
I know I don't post here much but I do read and feel you are all friends. I offer prayers for those that request them and feel for those with troubles. I would like to know what you think about my latest dilemma. I came home from town today to find a phone call from my step-daughter, age 43. She has my cell phone number but for some reason she wonno this time and now I feel terrible. She started out by saying she had a medical bill to pay and then turned it around to a DUI fine that has to be paid by Jan. 1. She got picked up in August for a tail light out and had been drinking with co-workers. Her story. I was advised by the court not to help her so that was part of the reason I said no. She works two part-time waitressing jobs. She's divorced and no kids. She said she would pay me back $100 a month. If that is true why couldn't she have saved $100 a month and had the money to pay the fine? She called me a few weeks ago and I know she wanted money then but she didn't come right out and ask until today. Thanks for listening, I appreciate it.

Great post - my DH has cut off 100% of his sm [2008-12-02]
hateful family, 2 sisters, both parents, everyone. They were abusive when he was younger; they treated me crappy too when I came into the family; and in his 40s he finally said Enough. This may be extreme but we live out of state and they do not have our phone #s or address, nothing. He has chosen to cut them out completely b/c they were toxic and bad for his mental health.

I would give them what you can afford [2008-12-02]
and if they don't like it, it's their problem. It's the thought that counts. A teenager should enjoy a gift certificate to the movies or to his/her favorite clothing store. As for the adults, my husband and I have been giving our parents gift cards to their local grocery store. Everyone needs to eat. I'm glad we don't run into these problems with our families. Everyone is happy to get something no matter how inexpensive. Try not to stress too much about it.

Things that are better NOW........ [2008-12-02]
Cell Phones: If I ATM Machines: I remember running out of gas on a weekend when the banks were closed back in the 70 The Internet:About 12 years ago, Iremember asking someone what the Internet was, and why we needed it. Now, I Remember the HARD way of doing things in the past? Like buying theater or plane tickets? Looking up directions? Comparing different brands of something you wanted to buy? Selling something you no longer wanted? Looking for a house or an apartment? Getting the latest news? The list is endless. Long Live The Internet!!!! Google: Who can live without it? Especially Google Earth Google Maps? Now I Back in the day when I had to rely on someone Digital Cameras: When I think of all the money I spent on film, and then developing said film, and all the film wasted on bad shots in my lifetime, it makes me cringe. I love the freedom and flexibility digital cameras give me to take as many photos as I want, and to experimentwith them,as well. MP3 Players/CD Players: Think of all the fights youin the car over which radio stationto listen to listen to, and how loud. Then think how they never would Dad could Solar Lights: I love solar lights! Garden lights! Floodlights! Christmas lights! You can fill your yard with them, and the power source is FREE!!! Hair-straightening and CurlingIrons: Remember the 60frizzy or too-curly hair with an IRON on your mom Or sleeping with HAIR CURLERS? UGH!!! You can probably think of a million more great things than I did. Let's hear 'em!

These 10 things definitely ain't right: [2008-12-01]
1) MTSOs who want people with top-notch skills and experience, but don't want to pay them what that skill is worth. 2) HMO's: So-called *health-maintenance-organizations* --yet they spend every minute and every dime of their far-too-large profits on denying healthcare, meds and procedures to their patients. These organizations have ruined American healthcare, and many American lives. HMO's have been a con-game since their inception. 3) The Bailouts: Giving money to companies who can too bad for the rest of you.* Then the Big Three show up in DC to beg for a handout, and fly there in private Lear jets. My answer to them would be, *I too bad for the rest of you.* 4) Apartment managers that won't allow even a single quiet, well-behaved pet, but will rent to people with continually screaming small children, and out-of-control older children and teens. Give me the pets for neighbors, ANY day. 5) Businesses that give an age-discount to absolutely everything that walks, runs or flies, but not to the middle-aged middle-class, who need it the most. Take the ski-industry: Young children ski for next-to-nothing, and sometimes nothing. There is a Teen Discount. There is a Student Discount for college kids. There I'll probably never be old enough - it's a carrot-on-a-stick, always just out of reach.) There are even corporate (UGH) discounts. But for those in my age group, who barely make ends meet but like to go up once a year for a couple days of bliss, there is NOTHING. 6) Travel-lodging deals that are always based on double or quadruple occupancy. What about singles? NOTHING. 7) TV commercials that are about a million decibels louder than the regular shows. Why can't it all be the same volume? Same with online newscasts. THEIR commercials will blow your eardrums out if you aren't quick enough turning down the volume before they start. 8) Surround-sound: Everything is too loud, already! Why do we need it coming at us from 4 directions? Why do people living in tiny apartments feel they need it? I've lost count of how many fights I've had with neighbors over this issue. Same with movies and music concerts. Why do they feel we need to feel the music in our SPLEENS? I went to Universal Amphitheater last week. (Now named something else). There is actually a sign outside warning that the decibel level inside might damage your hearing! (?!?!?!) Why do they need this? (To avoid lawsuits, obviously). If it's so loud you have to post a warning sign outside the entrance, then DUH.... it's TOO LOUD! 9) Banks that charge you a fee to use their ATM. They (I haven't actually been INSIDE a bank in YEARS).... and they want to charge US for using the machines instead of the tellers? Forget it. I won't give those banks my business. 10) The Post Office: Talk about rewarding slow, inept performance! The worse their employees are, the longer they seem to stay there. I'd rather have a root canal than go to a P.O. during the holiday season.

crazier every day sm [2008-12-01]
Kids who need designer labels, theme birthday parties, karate, guitar, piano, dance, gym, swim,baseball, soccer all in one week, both parents have to work their kiesta off to pay for all this stuff and the kid has to go to therapy because they are acting tired in school and are always bored in the few minutes they do have at home. They also need food that is on the acceptable food pyramid from the expensive organic markets but end up eating Kraft mac cheese, the orange kind, that they slipped into the carriage when dad or gramma stopped at the store. Oh well, they used to say you have to eat a peck of dirt before you die - not in todayAnd PS - all that expensive cream we put on our faces (if we did) announced today on all stations that they don't WORK! Back to Vaseline!

I remember. [2008-11-30]
My parents used to take us downtown once a year to shop and look at the display windows. Then we would eat at one of the department stores. Dad would take half the kids and mom would take the other half so we could all buy for each other. I remember one year when I was about 6 I was with my dad and my sister and I saw this beautiful red coat I wanted to get mom. We took it up to the counter and my dad told us to give the lady our money. Between us we had 35 cents. We gave it to her and she wrapped it up for us. My dad still tells that story today, how we bought mom a coat for 35 cents. We never did see him give the saleslady the rest of the money, and it was sweet how she played along.

I still love giving gifts and have a solution with my family. sm [2008-11-30]
We all buy gifts for our parents (there are 4 of us, all married) but we wrap them all in the same paper and they are from everyone. That way, if someone is having a tough year, then it still looks even. Over the years, all of us have had a year that extra money just was not there during 1st babies, 1st homes, high gas prices, unexpected bills, lay-offs, new jobs etc. This way, our parents don't know who did what and they can't turn them down or worry about one family when they don't want to share with them their troubles. We treat the kids similarly. We all buy for all the kids (7 total) but no set limit. Some years, when having a good financial year, they get big presents, some years they don't. They all get to open at least 5 presents (counting Grandma and Grandpa) and we torture them until after dinner before they can open gifts! There have been years of Dollar Store gifts and years of video games. We all look for things during the year that we can give to all equally. Last year, I found pajama bottoms at Old Navy for $2 in the summer and bought a pair for everyone, including the adults. One year, my sister got them all Uno decks which were $3 each because that's all she could do and they are still the favorite gift and go everywhere. Uno tournaments, using all the cards are a family tradition and we make up different rules all the time! I am fortunate to be in a good position the last few yeas and have bought more extravagant presents. Not to show anyone up, but because I can. Not to make up for the very lean years, which were many, but because it is easy for me to do right now. We don't have jealousy and I don't expect anything in return because if I need something or want something, I usually buy it for myself. I just like to give gifts and can, and everyone is fine with that. But I have to tell you, my best gifts from the others are from years when there was no money and have now become tradition ... strawberry jam from my SIL, fudge from my brother. Christmas is what you make it. We are loud and loving and crazy and if we exchanged soup cans, the kids would still love it. It is what you make of it and how fun you make it for them.

2 problems with hubby - any advice??? [2008-11-30]
Problem #1: His hearing. He will not go to the doctor, complains to me all the time that he can not hear me and talks SO loud. I can't tell him anything in the stores or I might as well announce it over the loud speaker which in turn creates an argument (hence, miserable day out shopping yesterday). Problem #2:I dread this time of year with him. He turns into this greedy person that is beyond comprehension for me. Every time he opens his mouth it I always grew up being thankful for what I got and can I never ask for items for Christmas - I appreciate the thoughtfulness that a person puts into getting me something (even if it I also believe the kids come first (3, 2 of which are teenagers) and we buy for them first but it seems I always have to budget my money for the kids and then for him. He does not like inexpensive items either. The last few months I'm the only one who has bought gifts for the kids - he hasn't spent any of his money and is counting on a bonus from his employer that may or may not come through and you never know how much it's going to be. Sorry - and thanks for letting me vent. I've been so stressed lately.

I just need to VENT and see what you all think...Beware...this is long...sm [2008-11-30]
I have tried twice to tell this story but deleted it both times because the story is just too long so I will be as short as I can. I have a bunch of ROTTEN TO THE CORE sisters.My sisters are just about the worst people I have ever met in my whole 43 years on this planet. There is one who is especially bad and I just told my other sister that if she ever dies, to please not call me as I won I come from a very large family with 5 sisters and 1 brother with my brother being the oldest. He is not involved. He sort ofleft the family years ago because he couldn They did terrible things to him after his divorce. We rarely see him now.I am considered a scumbag and a loser because my husband and I don We don We don We can We love our children with everything in our souls. They have made fun of me and my husband and insulted us to our faces.My husband and I have a difficult marriage as he is tough to get along with so they hate my husband My sistershave all gone out to dinner without inviting me. I have found out because of someone They have made threats and sent rumors flying throughout the family, without me knowing, about calling DCYF on me. I heard that one too from a slip of the tongue. I cried for 2 hours in the shower that day. They talk about everyone and I mean everyone badly. They have awell known reputation ina couple of our towns here for being mean horrible girls. They are about as fake and phony as a person can get. Sweet and all smiles to your face and when you turn around, they stick that knife in as far as they can get it in. They have what they have in their lives because of what someone has given them. My sister had her property given to her by her in-laws. It is worth about $1,000,000. My other sister had land given to her by her husbandto lessen their mortage burden so now they owe almost nothing on their $500,000 house. They think they are fabulous people. They think they are the cat In the past years when we were all talking and I would be invited to a holiday, I was not spoken to at all the whole time I was there. I am a venter and I always have been so if my husband and I are fighting, I will always go to my older sister (one up from me) and vent and vent until I can She gets on the phone the second I leave and tells every person in my family what is going on. They in turn judge me and my husband, make their threats, and so on. This is also happening to my oldest sister and her partner (she is in a gay relationship but was always dating a man and was married twice) and my sister The three of us, me, my sister and her partner, and my sister We get along well. We are happy with each other. We don Whatever happens in each other lives, we just accept it and don I now attend holidays at my sister I don I don The sisters (I like to call them the Witches of Eastwick) all attend holidays with each other up at my sister The three of us are not invited. My older sister has a son. Several yeas ago, my sister and her partner had a terrible fight with him. He went to the witches and told them a bunch of lies and now they have pretty much shunned her and her daughter and me too because we still talk to her.I have a sister, who is involved in all of this, that I speak to on a regular basis. She is close to my kids or at least my oldest son. She pretty much ignores my other two children and they tell me, It She is the one who has spread rumors about me in the family trying to get everyone to call DCYF on me. I heard this too by a slip of the tongue from another sister a few years back. I tend to be a forgiving person so I quietly forgave her for this without her ever knowing that I knew what she was trying to do. Now that they are all inviited to the holidays up to my sister They are extremely fat just like her. These holiday trips up north are usually kept quiet and I only know about it the day before they are leaving to go, which is when she inevitably asks me to come feed her f******g cats. This is how Iknow that a big party is going on up at the cabin and once again only the chosen selected few are going. This is usually for 3 or 4 days and they get fed twice a day so I have to goto her house twice a day. Sometimes I have to give them medication and the last time she asked me, I even had to soak her sick cat She lives about 20 minutes away from me. This girl would NEVER, NEVER, EVER do this for me. My husband and I took our children on a cruise 3 years ago and we have a cat and I never asked her to do this for me as I know she would have laughed in my face. I have been feeding her cats for years now when she goes away. Keep in mind though that she was in the select chosen few to be invited up to the cabin. I was not as I am considered trash in the family. I am SICK AND TIRED of feeding this girl My sister who invites everyone to go is a mean, horrible, sadistic, vicious, backstabbing wretched b***h. No one will say anything to her like, Gee Pat, where is everyone else? Didn They could care less. All they know is that THEY were invited. Anyway, I am sorry this is so long. I cananymore. I have been thinking of this all day all weekend long. I am really to the point where I just don I am goingto tell my fat a** b***h sister to fnd another way to get her cats fed because I She is just using me and believe me when I tell you, she enjoys it. She is verydiabolical. She loves it that I am not invited and she and her husband are.She even questions me and counts the cat food cans to make sure that I came on all of the days they were gone. These people have balls of brass and I have had ENOUGH.I am just sitting and waiting patiently for the next time she says, Oh, we Can you come and feed the cats? I just canNo. I can I will never feed your cats again! Find some other sucker to do it! I believe that they are severely narcissistic people and this is nothing to take lightly.These types of people are very destructive. Do any of you have family members like this and what do you do about them? How do you stop them from making you feelsad, lonely, excluded andless than you are or deserve? I think it is time for me to cut all ties with them. I just can

Has society become this bad and why [2008-11-29]
I saw the post down below about the Wal-Mart worker. Here is a new article that just came out (link below). The police are now looking at video surveillance to see who trampled this poor worker to death. Personally I hope they find all responsible and prosecute them to the fullest. It doesn I like their store just fine, it is what society is doing to people that nobody even bothered to stop and help this person. I grew up in the 60s/70s in a small town in New England. Maybe I'm old fashioned but my parents/grandparents taught me better than this. I just can And for what? Getting a Christimas item? This is one of many reasons why I do my Christmas shopping (what very little I do) online and gift cards. I think the traditions of the big shopping day the day after Thanksgiving should go away. I really donlove thy neighbor, not trample, bite, and spit at them so you can grab that item. (BTW - you can shop online at Walmart too). I think to myself that I thought the spirit of Christmas was supposed to celebrate Christ. Oh yeah, I'm sure he is so proud of people like those who harm others and cause death so they can get what they want. I hope those guilty are sitting at home worrying about whether or not their face is going to show up on the video camera. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20081129/D94OJ4NG0.html

I went through this myself about 20 years ago. [2008-11-28]
My husband is the eldest of 4 siblings. They tend to give expensive gifts, and none of them have children. I came from a very poor family, so our Christmas holidays never included lots of gifts. When we were first married I stressed over the gift selection and the money we spent. My husband, who is an accountant, stressed over every penny. When our first child came alone, I quit my full-time, downtown career-oriented job and stayed home. Our family income was cut in half, and so we had to tell everyone, our siblings, parents, friends, etc., that we couldn't afford to give any gifts. Family members wanted to give us gifts anyway, and we begged them not to, as it really made us feel uncomfortable to receive but not give. We didn't need anything, really. We just couldn't afford to spend anything on gifts. It took us about 3 years to get everyone to play by our rules. Twenty years later, and we're doing better financially, but we still don't exchange gifts with anyone but our children. Even my husband and I don't exchange gifts. We try, instead, to make donations to charities or causes that we care about. Over the years, some of our family members have experienced financial difficulties, and they opted out of the gift giving either temporarily or permanently. It always feels a little strange at first, but eventually it's ok. The season isn't about the gifts, and if the gift-giving becomes a burden, then that's certainly no fun. You have the financial responsibility for your family. You make those decisions, not family members who make you feel guilty. They'll get over it. Don't let it get you down.

Holidays are hard [2008-11-26]
My parents were divorced so my sister and I spent many years shuffling between two houses. When we each got married and had our own families the situation got even more complex. My parents are now deceased and my sister and I are estranged (even though we live in the same town), so in some ways life has gotten simpler. I still get very emotional and depressed around the holidays because of my dysfunctional childhood and negative expectations, but I don't have as much guilt and stress anymore. My husband's parents and family are back in our hometown 600 miles away, and for the last few years he's gone back there for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas with our youngest child. I don't begrudge him that because his folks are elderly and I don't want him to have any regrets later. I can't go with him because we have a lot of animals to take care of, and frankly, I'm really comfortable just hanging out at home with them anyway. We have adult kids too, and two grandchildren, and I encourage all of them to live their lives without the burden of guilt and feelings of obligation. If they can come by and have dinner or visit that's great, and if not BIG DEAL. Honestly, it's just a day. Things got easier for us when we realized we didn't necessarily have to celebrate a holiday on the exact day it was scheduled. I really understand your not wanting to let your mom down, and I would feel the same way. Your husband is a big boy and has made a choice, so that's on him, not you. He's probably being a bit immature and stubborn on this one. I hope you'll extend the invitation to your husband one more time, then go to your mom's and enjoy yourself whether he comes along or not.

It's lying in the absolute literal sense, but so what. [2008-11-26]
I think itcontrolled dissemination of information can be a good thing. My kids don't need to know what I did when I was a wild child, for example. And on occasion I've told them there were no more Little Debbies in the house, even though I had a personal stash hidden away. LOL! As far as Santa goes, I loved it. The way I explained it to my children when they got older and stopped believing was that when weto give. When my oldest became aware of the Santa reality, he wanted to Santa for my little brother, and kept the fantasy alive for him. Now they do that for others. I consider that a reality. The arguments regarding the honesty of the Santa fantasy will go on and on. In the end, it's a personal family decision to participate or not, and I think we can all be respectful of other family's decisions by not divulging the truth within earshot of children who believe, and not arguing over the issue with parents who believe otherwise.

See inside [2008-11-26]
My daughter (now 19) has always had more guy friends than girls mostly because she does not care for the drama and backstabbing that many teenage girls engage in. What I would take into account is how your daughter acts around these boys--how does she dress (my daughter is an athlete--no low-cut shirts, short skirts, etc) and what are her mannerisms (too flirty or just chillin as friends) or do you see something more--watch the behavior. Have always welcomed all kids to hang out at my house--even though it has driven up my food bill--because I feel that way I know what they're doing, hear how they are acting/talking (they can forget you are around the corner), and I get to know who they are hangin with. As time goes by you can get to know who a lot of the kids are in your town including siblings and parents--have always made it a point to network, network, network--soccer games, helping in school, etc. Always offer to drive too--they will also sometimes forget you have ears up there in the driver's seat. I like to remind my kids that they don't know who I know so they should keep that in mind when out in public because you never know what could get back to me.

Thank you to all for suggestions/advice [2008-11-26]
It It is so isolating working from home sometimes. I don Working from home is a mixed blessing sometimes... I do this so I can be available for my kids, but at the same time I feel I am always working and can On the days they don Iguess I thought it would be easieronce they got older, but it is just as complicated in many ways.Well, another day off from school is almost over and at least we all survived.

My oldest daughter had nothing but "boy" [2008-11-26]
friends throughout high school. Really, guys are a lot nicer than boys most of hte time. She has a couple of good girl friends, but I actually liked the guys hanging around the house. Now that she is in college, all she brings home are her guy friends and they all hang out with her and her boyfriend. I really would not worry if her friends are guys, at least she has friends she feels comfortable with having hang out at your house.

boys [2008-11-26]
My son is 15 and I cannot tell you how many interviews and interrogations we have had to go through. Every time he has been on a date the parents want to meet us and see our house, etc. I has been a flipping nightmare, especially since these little flings last about a week and are over after the dance! In my humble opinion, find her something else to do. That is what I have had to do with my son. I just can't take the pain anymore. Join some super busy, mega overly scheduled adult supervised something! Shoo, shoo, mama is working!

I'm butting in here but sewing classes LOL [2008-11-26]
I took home ec in school too. Dresses were always too short in length or in sleeves. My parents sent me to Singer Sewing School for 2 years. I STILL can2 of them sitting in storage (1 mom's, 1 DH's mom's). BTW, my mom couldn't sew either. My father used to do any sewing that was needed in the house.

Pumpkin and apple pie [2008-11-26]
And my mother-in-law makes a cherry cream and chocolate cream pie to die for. We go to my parents every year and my mother does all of the baking.

Does anyone play board games or card games anymore? [2008-11-25]
My 7-year-old child was invited to a B-day party for a little boy that was also turning 7. Anyway, when it came to opening gifts, he got Wii game toys, the different controlers and games. I did not even know the kid had a Wii game, but it seemed like everyone else did. I bought him a race track and a game of Go Fish. The race track got an I already have that comment and the Go Fish was what the heck. He did not say that but he kinid of looked at it like that and put it back in the bag. I wondered if he even knows what Go Fish is. The only gamesmy child has are board games, card games, those free games you can play on the computer and 1 game that plugs into the TV. It looks like a joystick and it has 3 games in it. These games have helped her in her reading because she has to read directions. She can identify a lot of the ocean fish. I was treated like an outcast at the party anyway. Itried to join in conversations with the other mothers, I would get ignored or very short answers, some would actually walk away. Then one mother actually turned her back to me to talk to another so I would just listen. They were talking about building houses, they have lots of land blah blah blah. They were giving each other advice on what to do with it all. When the conversation turned to how their kids are struggling in this subject or that that is when I got up and left because they toned their conversation down and then shut it off completely when then thought I was listening, so I thought that was my cue just leave so they can vent to one another about it. Itwas moreabout the teachers expecting too much blah blah blah.I have known some of these mothers or their spouses since we were little kids. They really treated me like trash back then. I thought that now that we were in our 30s, have not had much contact with each other since HS until now that our kids are going to school together, it would be like water under the bridge. Guess not. The families were wealthier than we were (just about every family was wealthier than we were back thenlol)but I know theycan Well, actually I don The only thing I did have over them is my kid is not struggling in school. She is making straight As on all her subjects. The only reason I went was because my 7-year-old and the7-year-old boy are really good friends and Ithought thatmaybe me and the other mothercould find something in common.At school, they are in separable so I really wanted dd to go to help him celebrate his special day. I could not help but notice that dd played with him more and the others were playing among themselves. I do worry if that tee I worry that they are going to discriminate against DD because I was a poorlittle nobody back in school and they were popular.I worry that they are going to start refusing to let the little boy play with dd and it will break her heart and hate me. I take baths, I practice clean living, always have, no drugs, alcohol. I don I pay my bills. Everything I own, I got honestly, paid for it myself. Of course, it isn H is not from here, he went to school elsewhere. I used to worry about that too back when we 1st started dating..Him finding out I was an outcast, dork or whatever and hate me. Now I worry that my child is going find out and resent me.