Flash forward: If the bullied child goes postal some day,

Please explain how the OP is abusing this child? Do... [2008-06-10]
you know something we don't know? How have you come to that conclusion? Perhaps you need a job to keep you busy and not try to control the lives of others. You sound like a control freak....

I am the child of such a marriage [2008-05-26]
My parents argued about everything for as long as I can remember. I used to always side with my mom (just felt that obligation) as it seemed she was always the one being hurt. As an adult now in a good marriage, I feel some anger towards my mom for being the weaker one. She could have gotten out but chose to stay. To this day, my parents are still married and still fight constantly. My mom says my dad doesn My response, however, is my mom doesn She refuses to leave him, but she wants us to hate him, too, and I can The problems they have are theirs to fight out, not mine. I try to stay out of it as much as possible. My point is your kids may be upset at first that you Good luck and don She makes cracks all the time on these boards and I have to say she sounds like the selfish one to me.

Flash back: Going postal? That's so 1990s... [2008-05-09]

Flash forward: If the bullied child goes postal some day, [2008-05-08]

I lost a child, and lived through it ... [2008-04-22]
I never thought I could survive losing a child. But, with the help of many many great family and friends, I have done it. And I know he is in the safest and most loving place .... and someday I will see him again. That will be a good day! Until then, I'll keep loving my children still here, and my wonderful DH, and just think of him as being on a long, long, long trip ...

I lost a child, and lived through it ... [2008-04-22]
I never thought I could survive losing a child. But, with the help of many many great family and friends, I have done it. And I know he is in the safest and most loving place .... and someday I will see him again. That will be a good day! Until then, I'll keep loving my children still here, and my wonderful DH, and just think of him as being on a long, long, long trip ...

you are KIDDING...my child is going to have a cell no matter what [2008-04-22]
that hit our high school. My son was only 8 at the time but by the time he is a teen, especially when he starts driving he WILL have a phone. I couldn't imaging a tragedy like Columbine or the tornado hitting our town and my child NOT having a phone to get in touch with us. I understand they don't want it ringing but it sounds like an invasion of privacy by cell phone nazis.

I gave a child up for adoption... [2008-04-21]
hitchhiked alone cross country twice as a teenager. Oh, and I love Howard Stern, I listen everyday.

i care about child abuse, welfare fraud, and [2008-04-17]
dumping of young males to the streets, so they lessen the competition for the multi-wife thing. This is all well-documented. This is not about just polygamy -- which is also against the law, but its the abuse of children and abuse of our welfare system -- all under the banner of religion. If it was just about men taking multiple ADULT wives, the government would not likely have stepped in to even enforce that law.

"The parents", the "older man". The welfare of child [2008-04-17]
tfd

Even worse, The child is allowed to have sex with [2008-04-17]
f

Where are the rights of the child being told she has [2008-04-17]
as

It does really depend on the child and I have been [2008-04-07]
told I am unfair. My 9yo daughter has to go to bed by 9:30 p.m. My 10yo son has to go to bed by 10:30 p.m. Now, naturally, she does not think it is fair BUT she needs more sleep to be able to be up by 6:30 a.m. My son is actually usually in bed before his bedtime and some nights even earlier than her bedtime. He has realized that some nights he needs more sleep than others. He is not difficult to get up. Then we have my lovely daughter who can just be a little booger to get up in the morning no matter what time she goes to bed :) All kids are different. Play around a little bit with it. Give them some leniency with it. See what works for you and of course him/her. Have a wonderful week!

If father thought child support was not being spent [2008-04-04]
x

I was told by a child I was doing drugs -- [2008-04-04]
because that is what they were teaching in elementary school.

Of course he should help and he paid child support because they are his kids (nm) [2008-04-03]
x

I did not receive any child support, so we agreed to [2008-04-03]
split all bills evenly as we have joint custody. That is what our papers say, that we split all major expenses, i.e., clothes, school supplies, education fees, etc.

I am not against paying for your child's [2008-04-03]
but I have no intention of doing that for my own children. There are so many kids out there who have everything handed to them. I believe it will teach my children the value of a dollar and the value of their education if they pay for it themselves or with scholarships and hard work. I do encourage them to keep their grades up and will encourage them to apply for scholarships, grants, etc. I think either parent should have to foot the bill for college. If they want to, great; if not, I don't believe the court system should get involved.

child support [2008-03-26]
I'm in southern Idaho and I was shocked one day to read in the paper that only 10% of people here who are supposed to pay child support are current on their payments. I knew it was a problem, but I didn't realize it was that bad. I generally think my ex is a selfish jerk, but I do give him credit that he has always paid his child support and it's no small amount ($1000 a month). Sometimes I think I'd rather have him out of our lives and give up the support payments, but then I realize that it's best for the kids to have a relationship with him (unless he was abusive, which he's not, just self-absorbed).

child support [2008-03-25]
Mine owes over $76,000.

rant! who's owed the most child support? [2008-03-24]
mine is currently in arrears in the amount of $23,775 --- he inherited MILLIONS when his father died -- he refuses to work, he Blessed with this child, but sure would like some support, maybe not have to work two jobs... I'm so glad you're all here for ranting.... thanks, friends.

I never forward things based on threats or promises of luck. (sm) [2008-03-16]
I forward things that I like the message on sometimes but not because I am told to forward it.

It's only child abuse if you hit them hard enough [2008-03-05]
check with your CPS. There is a BIG difference between spanking and beating.

I had a grown child and was employed (in this great [2008-02-26]
x

Would you have said anything about this child? [2008-02-18]
I was at a very big market (international) this morning and as I exited the lunch room to retrieve my cart, saw a very young child alone in a cart with no one around. I stood there not moving for several minutes wondering where a parent might be. I could not even see a person in front or back of him that seemed to be paying attention to this child (probably around 3 or 4 years of age). The serving line in front does have glass so I could see the people buying their lunches. Finally I noticed a man that was looking around frequently at the child and finally he got through the line and came and picked the child up. I approached him to say how it is so easy for a person to snatch his child (John Walsh's on AMW had his young child snatched and killed in similar, only taking a second) and this man looked annoyed and said thank you for your thoughts and hurried away. Clearly child endangerment here but would you have said anything or just let it go?

I think she means [2008-07-03]
that with unstable dry sand, or even with sand of a wetter consistency, if a hole is too deep (over a child make whatever limit you feel safe with. There's nothing to fear if they keep it shallow. This happened to a man I knew years ago with dirt, not sand, but I agree it would be possible in sand and probably easier done. He was working in a ditch deeper than he was tall, and when it collapsed on top of him, it killed him. I do believe that is what 'SM' is warning against.

DOG BITE [2008-07-03]
I find this whole complete thread disturbing. This woman was coming here to vent her frustration and was basically attacked. How sad!!! I am sorry for your child. It is a terrible incident that I hope you win in court. Dog owners have a responsibility to take proper care of their dog along with keeping it on a leash. When you take on a pet you take on ALL INCIDENTS that this pet causes. If this dog had torn up property, not a child, and they just offered a couple of dollars for repairs, I would hope that something would be done to get the full amount. yes this is a child which to me seems a little bit more important than property. I would think they should be responsible for the whole $800. I want to know why who ever it was stated that she should get a fence in her yard? It is not her responsiblity to keep this dog out. It is the owners responsibility to keep their dog on a leash and under their control at all times. My suggestion would be EVERY single time this dog is loose you call the police or animal control until something is done. In Indiana there is a three strikes and your dog is out law basically. Call animal control and tell them about this neighborhood dog and your daughter. I would really suprise me if it is not picked up. Good Luck. Also, in the US, you can sue anyone for anything at anytime. That is the law. It is not like this woman and child are suing over nothing. A dog bite is a serious incident. This dog could potentially kill a small child. A friend of mine's mom has small dogs (under 10 pounds). One recently bit her child in a serious bite. The dog actually went for her 4 year olds neck!! Her mom was right there when it happened. The child did nothing wrong but bend down to pet the dog. Small dogs can do damage too.

He gave it a good try and simply does not like it. ALso, SM [2008-07-03]
the thought of the bugs and spiders makes my skin crawl, and I am not a young child. I say encourage the other avenues of his interest and don't force him to do something that brings him to tears after he has given it a reasonable amount of time.

Is this inconsiderate or what? [2008-07-03]
My son-in-law stopped by our house on the way to work this morning. My hubby was pulling out of the driveway and I saw him give a bag to my husband and he left. My hubby brought the bag to me and said I was told to give this to you until tonight. He said my SIL was going to have a surprise for our daughter this evening after work at a local restaurant but didn I opened the bag and there was ice cream and pickles inside (?). Well, the first thing we thought of was pregnant and needless to say, our first grandchild, the look on our face was shock, disappointment, and happiness at the same time. We just stood there staring at each other, wondering what the **** was going on. My hubby went on to work and called a few minutes later, saying my SIL had text messaged him and said for me nor my husband to call OUR daughter or him today. I have sat in tears most of the day. That jerk (and he is a jerk) just told us our daughter is expecting our grandchild but not to talk to her today. What is the surprise about? He already knows, SHE already knows, we already know. So I guess you have to know my SIL to know he is a controlling person.....my daughter just hasn My husband has been so upset all day about this. Shouldn We are told by him to keep this inside all day. They are going to see his parents tomorrow at their lakehouse and I suppose tell them together, even though I have a feeling he This is a day my husband and I should be so gloriously happy and we feel sad too. We don I have just seen my daughter and she said nothing and I can This is my baby having a baby and we don Our son was here and saw what we saw and he was so happy to be an uncle, grinning from ear to ear, but can I have to say I am so angry with him right now. You have to know how controlling he has been. My daughter wouldn Are you kidding? What sick pleasure does he get from spoiling all this for us by it not coming from her, the pregnant one, standing there. Our child. We still don After all, they already know, we already know, so why haven I have to say my husband is so upset by this right now, he has called from work several times today and could not even focus on an important meeting this morning. To be honest, I am not at all sure how I will react once we are together this evening. Is this just a dumb way of doing this or has anyone else had this happen like this? We are just dumbfounded about it all and think this is avery cruel way of doing this.

need some advice [2008-07-03]
Okay, what would you do? I have a wife who is on disability and will not be going back to work. At the time she was seriously injured I had a very good job and we were living the good life. At the same time she got hurt, I lost my very good job and ended up taking a huge paycut when I finally found a job. I am now back at a decent salary but of course, she is not. Anyway, fast forward to the now - we filed bankruptcy, sold our home and bought a smaller house so that we could have a manageable debt load, start saving money for our future , and still enjoy life in the here and now. However, none of that has happened. If we have $10 left after paying the bills, then that $10 is going to be spent. No savings yet, nothing paid off in advance because we (meaning she) are still blowing the money on unnecessary items. So here is my dilemma - we have the opportunity to take our smaller home and trade it in on a bigger home (along with the bigger mortgage, higher taxes, higher insurance premiums, etc.) and I cannot decide what to do. I really do not want to face that large house payment once again, but at the same time, I figure since we are not saving it anyway, it might as well go into something that might benefit us some day instead of all the unnecessary stuff we are spending it on now. Can I get some advice (and not get rid of her, that is not an option!)?

I'm sorry you lost a friend sm [2008-07-02]
Maybe in the midst of my anger, I I'm really sorry you went through what you went through. My whole point is not about money, even though it may seem that way. I think there should be some sort of penalty when a dog bites someone, especially an 8-year-old child. In our case, there has been absolutely no penalty, and the dog has been out without a leash since the attack. The owners even tried to blame our daughter for the bite. They said the dog thought she had some food in her hand or that she was standing next to the dog She was standing in front of their house. The dog tried biting my daughter They I will advise our attorney that we will be willing to settle with them because we don I have never sued anyone and never expected I would ever sue anyone. While I have sympathy in your case, I don If we did nothing, this could happen again to someone else

Thank you sm [2008-07-02]
I really appreciate your kindness. I I wasn Some people suggested therapy. This may be what she needs, but I came from a family that never did any therapy, and I guess that's why I never really considered it. My husband suggested maybe visiting a pet store to see the puppies, but not anytime soon, though. I didn I just wanted them to take some responsibility for what happened, and suing them seems to be the only way they will take this seriously. I definitely don't want this to happen to another child, or adult for that matter. Again, thank you for your kindness. You made my day!

Unbelievable sm [2008-07-02]
$87 was all they planned to give us. Her medical bills totalled $800, $87 was our portion. The other portion we figured for pain and suffering. We always wanted to getpain and suffering for our daughter. This was no surprise to the owner. Read the thread. I don My daughter was standing on the sidewalk in front ofthe ownerhouse when the dog attacked her. Again, if you will read the thread you Her dog has been loose on more than one occasion since the attack without a leash. The police were called, and there is a police report, along with ER and doctor notes. It is unbelievable how uncaring people are here on this board. Even though my daughter didn This is an 8-year-old child. The owners should be penalized because they are allowing their dog to be loose without a leash on a street filled with young children. I don't have any sympathy for them. It amazes me how people on this board show much more compassion for the dog that attacked my daughter than for my daughter. No one seems to care that this dog has been loose since the attack or that there were no penalties for this owner. The dog has never been impounded. A friend of mine lives next door to a dog that bit someone, and that dog was never impounded either. I think I I have been coming here for years, but for people to be so cruel here to my daughter especially is just unimaginable to me. I will do whatever I have to do to make my daughter feel safe in her own neighborhood. I have consulted with an attorney and will probably proceed in small claims court unless this owner wants to try to settle this with us. I pray that nothing like this ever happens to any of your children or family members. It It I'm done here.

for what it is worth [2008-07-02]
I understand where you are coming from. Your child was hurt through (probably) no fault of her own. . Their dog was loose and injured your child... The authorities in your town should have made them keep the dog up for a period of time and fined them for having a dog on the loose - most areas have leash laws. . They should have paid the medical bills. . If my dog bites someone (we live in the country and he runs loose some) I will be glad to pay the medical bills. . I'm sorry you were bashed on this board. . If you had rushed to sue when it first happened, it would be different - you gave them ample time and what you were asking was reasonable...

and remember this [2008-07-02]
don't go crying the blues to anyone here when your insurance premiums and medical bills are totally out of control. It is awards like the one this person wants that make insurance unaffordable for countless Americans. any monies awarded in courts will be coming out of your pocket if you currently pay insurance premiums. Yes, I feel for the child, but money won't fix it. This costs everyone, not just the dog's owner. and it solves nothing. she still has not answered the question of what injuries the child sustained, either. to see financial renumeration above the costs of any bills incurred is unfair to EVERYONE.

Was definitely 40, what a crappy year that was! [2008-07-01]
My then-husband and I had justseparated, filed for divorce, just a few days before my birthday.I told my best friend about what had happened. She told meshe had planned a surprise 40th birthday party for me, and had invited about 30 people, all the plans were laid, she didn I told her to just go ahead and have the party, we would come and just act like everything was OK, wouldn My ex got very very drunk, was a huge jerk, and then left me stranded at the party. Everyone wanted to know what was going on, I just didn What aday! LOL. Can look back at it and laugh now, though. 25 was my hardest, as far as worrying about my age. You know, that song got to me, Younger women, from 18 on up to 25. Ha. Now I

Is this possible? [2008-07-01]
Okay. I have an in-law who is in her 40s, had a partial hysterectomy (just left the ovaries), hasn Did I miss something here? How is this possible? Yes, I understand that the ovaries still produce eggs and they can be fertilized if sperm would get to it but from everything I've seen, there is no way she could possibly carry it to full-term....nor should she want to as it is very dangerous not only to her but the unborn child(ren). I just wonder if she doesn All I know is I hope to God this isn She is just not fit to be the mother of the 2 teenage girls she has let alone a new baby or twins. Sheesh! I truly hope this isn't possible!!!!!!!

I understand your frustration [2008-07-01]
Your daughter is entitled to pain and suffering, should you pursue it. Your medical bills, however, should be covered by your medical insurance IMO. That I don If you weren You didn You also didn I also have to wonder if part of your anger isn Just some things to think about. I know what it I hope your daughter is doing well and will be able to overcome her fear of dogs eventually.

Thanks for your concern, but sm [2008-07-01]
I disagree with you concerning the medical bill. I have watched enough People If we didn They We pay a premium every week to have insurance, and they shouldn't and won't benefit from that. This is a neighbor who lives down the street from us. They Our daughter was friendly with their daughter. We They moved in a month before we did. We have contacted an attorney who will have to help us settle this. These people have very little, if any, remorse. They had their dog out without a leash just a few weeks after this incident next door to our house! I had to ask them twice to put the dog up. My daughter was screaming and crying in the meantime! I don This was a very traumatic event for my daughter. I didn She had to run back home with blood dripping from her hand onto the street and sidewalk. How do you think it's fair for someone to pay $87 for this trauma that their dog inflicted? We were trying to be the nice neighbors and not sue from the beginning when everyone was telling us to sue. We thought we could work this out. I told the attorney that we want to sue for the maximum amount, including our lost wages. If I had a dog that did this to another child, I would be devastated and would probably even get rid of the dog. I couldn I think $800 was very reasonable.

Our dog bit a girl "that was pulling his hurt ear" [2008-07-01]
Well the girl So, you need to contact the police again and find out how you can go about filing a claim. My parentsprovoked the dog. The provoked part didn So, I guess what I am trying to say here is that my parents were your neighbors and they got sued and their insurance premium went up. We I would have to bet though that the foster parents of the bitten dog probably got legal assistance for free too, since they had about 10 foster kids and were getting a fat check each month and obviously not supervising these kids for that girl to have pulled my dog My dog jumped our fence and cut his ear, that girl pulled on the dog I highly doubt that child really need the surgery and probably never even got the surgery, but those foster parents I That may sound harsh and by all means I know that not all foster parents are irresponsible, but in my opinion, my parents got the raw end of the deal. Good luck whatever you decide.

I do understand. [2008-07-01]
I understand that you were trying to avoid litigation on this matter, but the bottom line is either you avoid it or you don There is no in-between. Did the hospital file your daughter If so, what would you do with the $800 that the dog owner would give you? I don He has 2 dogs - family dogs, mind you - a golden retriever and a lab, both on the small side. He had friends over and his friend The dog got excited and jumped up on the child (who was about 7 years old), catching his claw on the child It tore the skin, but nothing severe enough to require stitches or anything. My brother He even called from the hospital telling my brother about the treatment his child would need. My brother was very empathetic and concerned over the child Then the friend told him he would be getting the bill. My brother did get the bill, but when he contacted the hospital to pay it, the hospital told him it was already paid by the insurance company. My brother then contacted his friend, who said he could just make the check out to him and he would see to it that it got to the insurance. Yeah, right. People in this world are always looking for a way to get something for nothing. I hope that In any event, I hope your daughter heals without scars, emotionally or physically. I have a feeling if you take this to court, your daughter will be reliving this nightmare for a long time to come. I would be more concerned about getting the dog impounded than I would be about lining your pockets.

One more thing sm [2008-07-01]
My daughter is already reliving this incident everyday and will continue to relive it for a long time. If you would do a little research, you would know that dog bite lawsuits hardly ever end up in court. They are settled with the homeowner The owner never gave us their insurance company information to settle with them because they said they would take care of everything. These people have no remorse, letting their dog out without a leash only 2 weeks after the dog bit my daughter. This dog will probably bite another child, unfortunately.

How exactly is your daughter going [2008-07-01]
What does your child need money for? You say itback to normal. Dragging her through court will not help her overcome her fear of dogs. Instead, you should be concentrating your efforts on having the dog impounded. Soon you will be known as the neighbor quick to sue. You I I got the impression from your original post. You said very little about the emotional details of the situation. You primarily discussed the money aspect of it. If I I just didn You even mentioned you watch People These shows put ideas into people My kids play baseball. They get hit with baseballs all the time when they Do I have the right to sue the parents of that child who hit them? How would that help them?

maybe it's you... [2008-07-01]
who is pathetic. This person is simply expressing an opinion and you are being extremely rude. that no respect for another opinion. And I agree with them. what good will money do to alleviate your daughter's fears? Perhaps a more calm and reasoned approach would be more effective instead of aggravating the situation by engaging in battle. By law, hospitals have to report animal bites and the animal has to be impounded for a period of time. If none of this has happened, i find it hard to believe there was any significant injury. Chill out. Help your child and forget the legal battles. Do not be a part of the problems of this sue crazy society.

guess what [2008-07-01]
That makes us even - because I am having a hard time believing you! If there was a significant bite, something would have been done. Been there & done that. Again, concentrate on what your child needs, not what you need to make yourself feel righteous.

See again, my point is proven - [2008-07-01]
You are so concerned about your daughter and she is completely traumatized, and yet you haven All you I would have had my child to a therapist by now.

True, but she is not going to get that much, - sm [2008-07-01]
maybe a few thousand, Iwhat could have happened, etc. in the end though I just let it go and switched doctors to the one who saved me. But yes, people are sue happy, but sometimes it is warranted.

What's really sad is even if she does [2008-07-01]
let So, now she's down to $3300, and if that includes her medical bills, she will have to reimburse her insurance company, because it is fraud if the settlement designates the money to be allotted for medical bills and she ends up pocketing it. I don I really do feel for the child. I just don It doesn I doubt she got much more than some antiseptic wash, bandage and maybe a tetanus shot, which she would have gotten anyway if she wasn

Big bunch of lies...look at all the inconsistencies in ages/virgin when married 14yrs ago, but has a [2008-06-30]
Please see a psychiatrist. You are obviously seeking attention by posting lies. Furthermore, you said he was your prince charming...then you said he talks like he is retarded and that people have asked you if he is retarded. What was so 'princey' about a man who sounds like a retard and has psoriasis all over his body. Why would you have married him in the first place? How does a woman who was a virgin almost 14 years ago end up with a child who is already 14? You make it seem as though you are always without food but you are extremely overweight after having what you described to be a perfect body 14 years ago. How did that happen?

Well, now it's my turn to tell my story...(Beware..this is long) [2008-06-29]
Well, I just don I was 26 years old when I met and married my husband. It will be14 years ago this August. I was a platinum blond, Swedish, 26-year-old, voluptuous virgin waiting for my prince to come. I had never dated because I was too fearful and shy. My mother always told me that my prince was coming. She just didnthe prince of darkness. It has been a nightmare, although he says it has been great with only a few bumps along the way. He is abusive in every way including verbally, mentally, emotionally, some physical although very little (not an excuse, just telling it the way it is), what I feel is sexual abuse with me but not the children,but the worst by far is his financial abuse. He has told me many, many times, Who do you think YOU are? What do you think...that you I can find a dozen more women like you. I have three children, now ages 14, 13, and 11. 14-year-old has ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder. My husbandis just like this although he has never been diagnosed and never would be because in his own words, I am perfect just like God made me. There is nothing wrong with me. The problem here is you. My credit is down the toilet. Credit score is about 500. His is 800. Through the years, when the children were babies I had to feed them dry cereal with a cup of water because he wouldn One very hot night in the summer, I had to feed them generic hot dogs and pink beans, which were some kind of bean that slithered out of the can in a gelatinous material. The kids werewere dry heaving at the table. One day when I was about 8 months pregnant with my last child, he came up to me and said, Well, I I said what He said (very matter of fact), I I won If you want something, get off your f______fat a__ and get a job. I had a 6-month-old and a 1 1/2-year-old and 8 months pregnant with the third one. What!! Get a job!! Are you crazy?? He said, Oh well. Famous last words. That is all I ever hear. He has ripped out phone lines, denied us food and clothing. We have two cars. He used to hide the car I would drive around the neighborhood so I couldn He would even take the carseats. One time when I was pregnant, I had no money so my girlfriend needed a babysitter a few hours a week. She lives in Connecticut, which is about 45 minutes from my home. She could only pay $45 a week but I would drive up there four days a week to watch those kids just to get that measly $45. One day when I was leaving to go, I wanted $2 for an ice cream cone (I was pregnant at the time and that was my thing during that pregnancy). I asked him for $2 and he said no. I reached into his wallet and took $2 anyway. So he came after me. I took out the butcher knife but he ran outside to get to the car first so I couldn I put away the knife and ran out the back door to try to get to the car first but he got there before me. I reached in to try to grab the car keys out of the ignition when he rolled the window up as hard as he could. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I thought he was going to break my arm. I was able to backhand him and he unrolled the window. A little while later I ran to the neighbors to call the police because he ripped the phone lines out. I was there for about 15-20 minutes calling the police, family, and my friends to come and help. When I got back to the house, he had taken both cars (hid one in the neighborhood) and went to work. He left my 9-month-old and 1 1/2-year-old children all by themselves (and at the time I lived on a very busy street where cars would drive by at 50 mph). When I walked in, they were sitting on the living room floor screaming at the top of their lungs. The next morning I was in the shower and I lifted up my arms to wash my hair when out of the corner of my eye I saw something on the underside of my arm. It was a jet black bruise about four to five inches long by about two inches wide. It was literally jet black. I was stunned. When I called the police, I told them what was going on with his abuse. I told them I was pregnant with two little ones at home. I told them I had no food. I told them and showed them the bruise and I told them I wanted to press assault charges. They said, He did that to you? I said yes. I said, I want him arrested for assault. I told them where he worked. They turned around and told me that because the incident happened the day before that there was nothing they would do and that they weren They told me to just let him lie low for a while. This happened in 1996. We are not talking the 50s here. This was just before they handed me a pamphlet on battered women and battered women The pamphlet said there does not have to be any sign of physical abuse. If you are in a situation where you simply fear for your safety, the person can be arrested. And I am sitting there pregnant with ahuge, jet black bruise underneath my arm from where he rolled my arm up in the window. This is just a few tidbits of the life I have had with him. There have been some good times and good vacations but mostly bad. We have fought so bad for years and years that I know the toll it has taken on the kids. The guilt I have is insurmountable. If he buys groceries, I have to pay him back. If he pays the phone bill, I have to pay him back. If he buys me anything or gives me a $10 or $20 bill, I have to pay him back. Most of the time, I am not allowed to go into a store with him. I went with him once to Wal-Mart and I put a $2 box of sweetener into the carriage. That was it. I am now not allowed to go into a store with him. He screams at us that he pays the rent, therefore, it is his house and we have to learn to live the way he wants us to and we should be catering to him. If we don He has told me for years that he is a king and that the house is his castle and that he has allowed us to live with him because he is kind, loving, and gracious. He will only buy oneChristmas gift for his kids and no stocking stuffers or tape or wrapping paper or anything like that.I have to do that with what I get paid to do MT work. He doesn When they were little, I would tell him that the children needed some cool clothes for summer. He would take their little pants and cut them off and then take their turtleneck shirts and cut off the turtle neck and cut off the sleeves and say, There you go. There Or he would just tell me, Go ask your sister to buy them some clothes. He has threatened to kill me and the children if I leave. He has told me that he would kill me and the children before I would ever see child support. He has a sex fettish where he wants it all the time, every day multiple times in a day if he could get it (not that he does, mind you. I stopped that crazy crap a long time ago), and I am just supposed to stop all that I am doing and fulfill his needs (even though sex for me offers virtually nothing other than soreness,swelling, and boredom and has always been like this). If I don I am very overweight, I smoke like a chimney, my credit is destroyed, I don I have less now 14 years later than I did before I married him. At least before I married him I had my own very nice car and some clothes. I don My clothes are tattered, stained, and worn. And...I had dreams of what my life was going to be like when I got married. But it certainly was not a life like this. My kids are older now and they are seeing their father for who he is. He blames me and tells me it is all the bad stuff I am telling the children. I keep telling him it is what they have seen for 14 years. They beg me to divorce him. My youngest, who is 11, was diagnosed last year with severe ulcerative colitis. He has had a flare now for the past six weeks with at least ten bouts of diarrhea with blood every day. He talks about depression a lot and always asking me what it is. When I got the call last year from his pediatrician telling me to take him to the hospital for a possible blood transfusion (this was when we got his diagnosis), Ialmost fell on the floor from fear. I called my husband at work to tell him he needed to come home. He said, I can I have to work. He said, Don His red blood cell count had dropped to 7.2 froma normal of 12 because of his bleeding. He came to the hospital when he got out of work. He showed up at 6:00 p.m. We went outside and talked for a bit and then about 20 minutes after he showed up, he said, Well, I have to go home to eat and shower. I When I got angry, he said Hey, I I need to rest. Besides, there We still didn I didn I was scared to death. But he had to go home to eat and shower and rest!!!! I think that was the beginning of the end for me. I once read something on these boards that someone posted saying Marriage is not supposed to be a good deal for one and misery for the other. That is what my life has been. My marriage was a great deal for him...kids that he never has to pay for (I mean nothing...not school projects and believe me there are a ton of them, not clothes, not shoes, notebooks, backpacks, nothing), free sex, and a wife that he doesn I believe in my soul that my marriage was a good business deal for him. If you knew my husband, you would laugh at that statement because he is extremely uneducated and talks like a mentally retarded person. People in the past have actually asked me if he was mentally retarded. He thinks that if my son would drink lots and lots of water, that that will cure his ulcerative colitis and makes fun of me and insults me and everyone else. Itell him he is a moron and he doesn His abusive mother made them drink nothing but water. She would not buy them anything or strive for a better life. They lived in a nightmare life. So now he gets very angry when we woncure everything. He tells us that he is trying to show us how to live right but we just won He tells this to other people too including our landlord. He has the most disgusting habits. He picks scabs and eats them, he has eczema and psoriasis so he is one huge flake, which he enjoys picking off chunks and dropping them in a pile on the floor, he passes unbearable gas (like every two or three minutes that has such a horrid stench it makes all of us nauseous) and then flips out if we spray a room spray. He will actually grab the can and scream that this is his house and we are all just disgusting to live with and just impossible to live with. He just had a fight with my 12-year-old daughter tonight because he was passing tons and tons of gas and she sprayed a room spray. He got up in her face screaming at the top of his lungs at 11:00 at night that this is his house. He will pass gas all he wants and that he won She was crying and begging me to divorce him. She kept saying, You said it would be better for the family if you stayed married to him but it It won Well, I could go on and on. It has been 14 years of this but I think you get the picture. I have no money. I don I have a son who is going to need ongoing frequent medical care and I am afraid he will cancel the insurance if I do anything to get rid of him. I have a great fear for our safety. He has major problems with having to give up his money so to haveto pay child support will send him over the edge. He is a pathological liar so you can He told me, I would never allow anyone to judge me like that. You can tell the judge to kiss my balls. He seems to expect the absolute highest standards from the children and I but he doesn Never has and never will but will shove it down my throat when he doesn Well, any advice. I really am looking for legal advice for anyone else who has been through this. I know I need to get rid of him...for the kids sake. They need to see that life is not like this and not all men do this and that you don My daughter, who just turned 13, says to me she hates men with a passion. I told my niece that I felt like I was dying. I never, never, never, never leave my house except to go to Dunkin Donuts up the street to get a coffee. I haven And that is three hours probably once every two months. I am lonely, isolated, and ragingly angry. I want to go back to school but when I talk about that, he poo poos it saying I should go back in five or ten years or 15 years when my bills are paid and I can afford it. HELLO????? I am going to be 43 in October. Maybe I should just wait to go back to school until I Well you get the picture. If you By the way, when I bring up any of his abuse to him, he tells me I don Funny, he always remembers every time I swear at him though. Has never forgotten a single time.