I do understand.

I understand SO much what you are saying. [2008-11-22]
nm

I don't think I understand [2008-11-20]
so just let him do whatever, support his decisions, and hope for the best? He has a good job it is just that so much of it is eaten by the attorneys, support, transportation, and crazy things the ex dreams up that the child must have and we are told we just have to pay it. It costs more than what I make to cover the mandatory expenses of my step-child. I gave up our finances about a year ago to give him a taste of what it was like. Stupidly thinking this would help. Obviously it hasn't but has made things worse. I always reassure him and tell him we will get through it, etc. but when he asks me to make a decision I tell him honestly. Recently asking if I mind if his teenage nephews come stay for the weekend I ask where is the extra money going to come from to feed them and get them to/from work as its an hour round trip. I offer maybe just one night instead of the entire weekend. Automatically thatthey asked for the weekend. He says he doesn't know where the money will come from and he won't ask the his brother either and asks me to call and tell them no. Of course when I refuse I can tell he gets upset although he won't say it. We don't argue about stuff its just more of one of us getting pi$$ed off until it blows over and then starting again the following week when another circumstance comes up. Honestly, I'm just getting tired of putting up. It has been nearly 10 years now but only 4 since our finances went together. We are also expecting a child, which we could afford before the last 6 months came crashing down on us. Of course this is part of my anxiety over finances but being a man and his usual self he wants to live in la-la land until we don't have money to buy diapers. I'm just so frustrated. Thanks for listening and letting me know that there is hope things will change. Atleast I know when the step-child becomes an adult it will be like winning the lottery!

I understand percentiles - sm [2008-11-11]
I am well aware of what the standard IQ percentiles are. The Bell Curve states that the 95th percentile begins at an IQ of 126 (going by IQ averages in the general population), and it stops measuring at 150, anyone in126-150 range is labeledvery bright. Mensa is a club that only accepts thehighest percentiles - its for the cream of the cream. According to Mensa, one might attempt to pass their test if one IQs higher than 150 are very difficult to measure, and there are so few people in that range it would take too much effort to develop a test difficult enough to prove just what their number is, therefore being able to pass Mensasmart that anybody would need, and it sure looks good on a resume, it certainly got my ex a lot of job interviews.Unfortunately his lack of a driverkept him from getting the jobs. Years ago, one of myhobbies was pursuading my friends to take a proven accurate test and share their results with me. I managed to talk quite a few into it, and I was happily surprised to find that several of them were Mensa material, although simply by observing their lifestyles, I never would have guessed it. A couple of them were factory workers.You may find very intelligent people in any profession, as it is much easier to disguiseintelligence than the lack of it. I don't think its impossible that someone with an IQ of 145-150 is posting on this board, or is an MT, if that's what you're asking.

I totally understand how you feel...sm [2008-11-10]
I too felt that way until I came to know some pits. I realized they acted like any other dog. I won't lie. All pits can be dangerous because of their capabilities. But I know many owners who have never had problems with this breed including my dad and great grandfather. Mine is just a big hunk of love. Hes nothing like you would think when you think of a pitbull. He is so tenderhearted. To me, he is just CJ, my heart. I think you have a right to your feelings but I have a right to mine and I love this dog and in my heart I know he would not hurt me or my family. He has had so many opportunities to kill when attacked by smaller dogs and he never did. Many times he would just walk off and look pitiful.

You do not understand.....sm [2008-11-10]
what 99.6 percentile means. I explained it in my former post. It means that she scored higher than 99.6 percent of all people who took the test and only 0.4 percent scored higher than her. That means an IQ of above 150. Do you believe this? Einstein' was 165. Average is 100. Below 70 is mentally challenged.

I understand that your dog loves you, [2008-11-08]
but your dog is a pit bull and they can attack spontaneously whether they are provoked or not. There is no way to predict it. Why risk someone's life? I don I would never, however,choose a breed that is known to be unpredictable and dangerous and could maim or kill someone I love or a stranger walking down the street were I too slow to close the door or forget to close a gait securelyand an accident occur. There are lots of breeds that demonstrate the kind of dedication and love that you describe. My mom has a mixed dog (Pyrenees/St. Bernard) who is a genuine companion to her. She is obedient and trustworthy and gentle. You can get a dog who genuinely loves you who is not a pit bull. I truly hope you never encounter a time when your dog misconstrues your actions andyou trigger some instinct that tells her she is in danger, or that you are in danger from another person. Tragedy could strike so quickly.

I understand, believe me! [2008-11-07]
Here's what I do during those company-coming crises! Make a list of all I want done. Break it down into weekly tasks. Meter the weekly tasks out and include ALL FAMILY MEMBERS -- they all live there and dirty it up, they can all help clean it up! Just start now and do a countdown. You can get it done. Organization will help immensely.

I understand, believe me! [2008-11-07]
They're not helping? Oooooo, no meals cooked, laundry done or picking up after them, then! Kids big enough to walk to/from school? Let 'em if they're not willing to help. Until they start helping me, I'm not helping them! A functioning family unit is not where the papa makes some money and comes home and does what he wants while the kids go to school and come in and do what they want while mama works, cleans, cooks, does the housework, shopping and carting kids around and never gets to do what she wants! Nope, nope, nope! Be strong!! MAKE them do it! Otherwise, schedule your dinner at a local restaurant and meet everyone there! AND DON'T TAKE ANYONE WHO REFUSED TO HELP!! Hot dogs for them on Turkey Day! LOL

Just want you to know I understand completely where sm [2008-10-29]
you are coming from and agree totally that it is terribly, terribly sad. I just don't want you to harp on it and let it work on you. You have done nothing wrong. Stand proud. They are entitled to their opinions - strange as they are - they are not entitled to spew them all over the place and say hurtful stupid things to you - just shows how mixed up they are. You sister was right in telling you to let it go - they are strange - weird - you are blessed your husband is so different. Give him a hug and ignore the rest of them. Good luck!

I think I understand where you are coming from [2008-10-21]
but please know that I am not some sort of angry person that bans MIL from seeing our child. These issues have gone on for about 7 years and we have tried to be logical and kind to her but she just doesn't get the message. I don't think its her place to talk about s*x with or around my child, nor do I think it is her place to talk about Santa in front of him, as he still believes. It is a shame that some feel they have to protect a child from a grandparent but hey, you can't always trust your family. It's sad. You do, however, have to protect your child and their innocence - that's your job as a parent. My child still has contact with his granparents, it is just limited and in a long distance situation, many kids do not see their grandparents but once a year so I don't see this being detrimental to the relationship to prove a point that otherwise goes unnoticed. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, as you said, IMHO, and I don't want anyone to get the idea that I was endorsing cutting all ties.

I think I understand sm [2008-10-21]
The Bible thing hits home with me, I go through it all the time, some of my family carries it in their car and they believed they are saved and I am not. Unfortunately, I have been victimized the other way around, DILfound the right path, I am Catholic and not saved and have noticed an almost but not complete banning such as not answering my calls, etc., even though I have in the past been a savior during hard times and itraw when it comes to this subject. I think back to when I resented my MIL and feel I am being punished but I truly do not deserve this, I never discuss religion, etc., my grandkids love me and I am tired of the excuses because they are hurting, they actually tell me theynewly-found Bible-based new testament. I have stopped going to church myself and am I know if I were told not to behave in a certain way, believe me, I would bend over backwards to play by the rules. I am just being given the cold shoulder I donsilent war and being pushed out, so don't listen to me, I'm in too much pain and I should take myself out of the equation. Good luck with everything, your kids don't need this swearing on the Bible thing, it's not normal. I pray that your Mom sees the light and loves the kids enough to change her ways. I''m just sad about my own situation. This shouldn't happen to a dog. But it did.

I completely understand...sm [2008-10-13]
I am scrambling tonight trying to get some lines in because my work has been so slow I only worked 14 hours Monday until Friday. This weekend I got about 63 minutes of dictation so that will add some lines. I have to scramble to work about 20-25 hours per week.

I don't understand how people were dumb enough [2008-09-25]
x

After reading your most recent post I understand where you are coming from better (sm) [2008-09-21]
You are in a very difficult position...I feel bad for you and both of the children. It is tough to say what would be better. Being taken from your parents would be very traumatic for children as well. There must be some sort of child care they can find that they can afford.

I understand you - thanks for your post [2008-09-18]
It is a hard thing to go through (both for the person going through it the and person who lives with the person going through it). I think its at this time we ask ourselves - is there more to life, what is our goal in life, etc. You do sound like my DH. We have talked many times about left-sided and right-sided brain people. I think you are probably like him (artistic, sees things in picture form, and doesnlive a certain way (that is get the job, build your retirement, buy a house, have kids, etc, etc and headaptable. I go whereever and make things work. I have the attitude of whatever happens happens, nothing is forever, and adapt. I guess maybe because Iis this all there is to life, I doubt it was a crisis - if so probably the shortest midlife crisis in history (lasted about 5 hours). HA HA HA. On the positive side of it we have talked extensively and I know herock for him. Yesterday he told me I'm lucky becauase I know what I wanted and stuck with it (MT school and MT jobs). I told him the job does get very tiring and there are a lot of times when I don't think my fingers will type another word (yeah, so I come to this website and type more HA HA HA). Today he joked and said maybe I ought to go back to school and get retrained doing something else because at least I stick with it. Anyway...hopefully he'll find something. He did start going over his resume so it may be a step.

To be brief, while I can understand curiosity.. [2008-09-16]
about me, etc, I should be the one who decides if contact is going to happen. This person found me through the internet, knows way too much about me thanks to the internet, wants a relationship, which is fine by me but it should be on my terms. I have been open and honest with everyone who knows me, never had a problem with giving a child up for adoption, it was never a secret in my family. The daughter I gave up contacts me through email a couple of times a year, gets angry when she doesn't hear what she thinks she should hear and then disappears for months at a time. She is very vague on info about hersefl, but she knows everything about me, including my address, etc. I certainly don't want a pop in visit without some warning!

I don't understand. Do you want to [2008-09-12]
leave him or stay with him. Sounds like you are miserable there. Maybe he was thinking the same thing and just afraid to be the first one to bring it up. If you are going to stay with him, then things have to change on BOTH sides.

I understand. No matter how bad things are, there sm [2008-09-12]
is thought they could get better. The love you once shared could be brought back and you wil live happily ever after. See a marriage counselor. It may happen; it may not happen, but get some professional help.

I totally understand your frustration sm [2008-09-11]
but 900 parents in a timely fashion? I used to sub in a small elementary school (average #of students 200) and it was still a huge headache when there was a problem (schools closing early due to flooding). Most parents of course knew about the flooding because they lived in the area but it was still total chaos. In our area the TV runs a crawl across the bottom of the screen announcing when a school is closing early. I know that we as parents are not responsible for watching TV for in case info, but I think in the case of a fire I am not sure I would want people staying in the building to look at paperwork.

i can understand your frustration sm [2008-09-10]
i have a 1st grader anda 4th grader. 4th grade is a little more strict than what i expected. they have homework every night except friday nights. monday he had homework in every single subject. i think it i weighed his backpack and it was 15 pounds. it might not sound like much, but it is heavy. it sounds like the teacher is being way too picky. if you have problems and they keep on, i would definitely talk with the teacher. we pay their paychecks. good luck.

I can understand why you are hurt at that on SM [2008-09-05]
a few levels. I hope it does not come to that until it is necessary. It sounds like you love and value this anmial, and for that I am glad. Cherish every moment your pet brings into your life. Let us know.

I understand that some children are upset [2008-08-23]
when they learn the truth, but can honestly say that I never thought twice about it once I found out the truth. Actucally it wasn't so much finding out, it was just being old enough to realize the impossibility of Santa. My children are now old enough that they no longer believe and they were fine with it when they found out. I guess it would depend on the children. Our family always focused more on the reason for the season and not Santa, maybe that made it easier.

I understand it is different in every family [2008-08-13]
some spouses just state their plans without thinking of other.....have a brother like that. DH would never dream of leaving us on a holiday. As a matter of fact he quit hunting the fall our first child was due in Novemeber...just in case. DS was actucally born on Thanksgiving Day. My brother-in-law always goes hunting on Thanksgiving but makes it back in time for dinner. Our Thanksgiving is usually quite hectic. We used to watch the parade (kids are now teens and want to sleep in) while I prepared food to take to my parents or grandparents for lunch and then went to DH family for dinner. I only have to cook a couple of dishes for each meal...never the same ones so I can double a recipe, and I don't mind that to terribly, but I have to clean up 2 major meals after both times feeling stuffed to the gills. This year my parents are going to NY to see the parade, my grandparents are going to my uncle's house, and all we will be doing is going to DH family for dinner. I am actucally looking forward to this. We do the same thing for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. On Christmas Day we go to MIL house in the morning to open gifts....this started after her DH died 18 years ago and we didn't want her to be alone on Christmas morning. We then have brunch and make a mad rush to my parent's for lunch. I would then see my mother (God rest her soul) and then back to my MIL for dinner. Would love to complain about going to MIL twice in one day, but DH sister would still go without us and I would be the bad DIL, just not worth it. I say go to your parents if at all possible, or spend the day watching the parade with your son, decorating, and making Christmas treats. Or to heck with keeping the peace....just put your foot down and tell DH he will be home for Thanksgiving! Good luck to you.

I understand Clomid works [2008-08-08]
For a lot of people it does work. I, unfortunately, was one of the unlucky ones. 20+ years ago while being a young Army wife my DH and I tried everything to have a baby. I was seeing a german doc who was one of the best fertility specialists in our area of Germany. Ibaby making meds and counseled to be prepared for at least triplets. DH was on medication to increase sperm count. I took special mud baths each month, used the basal temperature method, and we also constructed what looked like a jungle gym that I would hang on upside in the bedroom after we had sex. After returning to the states I had all the procedures done to make sure my tubes and ovaries were okay, and I was on Clomid. My OB doc even had it timed down to what day each month was the best for getting pregnant and the day before she would prepare me for the next days adventures. She was also one of the best docs in the area for fertility. Here it is 26 years later and I never did get pregnant. My sis also was never able to get pregnant, so we believe it was probably something hereditary. She adopted and 19 years later after hearing her trials and tribulations of life with her child I realize now that not having children was the best choice for me. Incidently, 8 years ago I did become pregnant but it was ectopic and I had an ovary and tube removed. My advise is if you really want kids don't give up. Do everything you can think of - even if it means constructing a jungle gym in your bedroom - can be lots of fun - :-). It's usually the craziest things that will work. I did have a friend I worked with for some time and she wanted a child so bad she did everything and for years nothing worked. When she finally relaxed and told me if it works it works and if it doesn't it doesn't - two months later she became pregnant. I wish you the best of luck. I know how disappointing it can be. I spent every month for 20 years in tears so know how heart breaking it can be.

I understand some parents don't supply stuff- sm [2008-08-03]
but what is wrong with regular pencils, a whole lot cheaper than mechanical. I would buy some extra of those no problem, but $21 for pencils is a bit too much. In theory the teacher keeps each kids supplies in their own box at our school, so the supplies really are for my kid and not others, they supply their own note paper, markers, pencils, folders, notebooks, crayons, etc. I am sure some things end up in a general grab box for everyone, like the pencils and construction paper. I just remember when I went to school, all we needed was a few pencils in grade school.....as we got older, folders and a notebook, pens and pencils. Now you need ever little thing. The big thing was back to school clothes not supplies. I cannot even buy my kids any new clothes as I am spending it all on supplies, so far $140 and I am not done, plus it would be $11 more if I bought all the required pencils.

OMG [2008-11-21]
I can understand (maybe) wanting them to have the breast milk, but can WOW...I'm kinda freaked out right now.

My husband is oblivious to our finances [2008-11-20]
Sometimes that It sounds like maybe your husband is too proud to tell his family that he can I I would suggest talking to the leader of his family, the person who hosts the get-togethers, and let them know that you do the finances and you just don It doesn I would certainly let your husband know that you are going to say something beforehand, but he doesn I For birthdays, we take the time to call and wish that person a happy birthday. We don My brother lives about 2 hours away, so we don Unless his family is loaded, I'm sure they'll understand. As for the glasses, I just took my son for new glasses yesterday. The eye doctor said he needs a new prescription, but I asked if just the lenses could be replaced and the frames reused. He said absolutely. Our insurance covers new frames, lenses and the exam, but my son has a tendency to break things at the most inopportune time. We just bought him these glasses in June because he broke them and according to the insurance, it wasn Now that he is eligible for everything new, we asked for just the lenses. If he breaks his frames later in the year, we can just get new frames (covered by insurance) and pop the lenses in. The only problem there would be is they discontinue his frames because the new lenses probably wouldn So, something to consider here is, if your stepchild needs a new prescription and already has glasses, then I would check with your lawyer to see if you can just buy new lenses for the current frames. The frames are what normally cost the most anyway.

Sorry you are feeling so down (sm) [2008-11-20]
First of all, relax. You need to go to a doctor and get on an antidepressant? No insurance? If you can get the money to go to the doc for one visit, you can get them to prescribe an antidepressant that is on Walmart's $4 list and get it for $4 a month. Call United Way and see if they can direct you where to get help with your rent. Don't worry about whether or not you have cable, you'll be okay without that unless you need it for your job? Don't worry about not being able to give Christmas gifts...just explain that you don't have the money. People will understand and your grandson can have it explained to him. I have the same isolation issues that you do because of the job. Can you go to a temp agency and see about getting a job outside of your house so you can be around people more? There is a website called Exercisefriends.com where you can meet people in your area who want exercise buddies, maybe just someone who is starting out trying to walk every day or something like that (not sure what your fitness level is). Or advertise on Craigslist for a walking buddy (but be careful of course when first meeting the person). I met one of my best friends this way and have known her for 4 years now. If you want an email buddy feel free to email me. I think everyone is struggling right now and it is hard. I would be happy to have you vent to me via email all you want. :-)

I agree with the posters below. [2008-11-20]
You need to move closer to family and see a doctor. You can also find the local social services department and they will provide free medications for 6 months. you will have to see one of their doctors but and fill out some paperwork but that's the only catch. Depression is higher around the holidays. The weather, finances, family, on top of every day stresses can be overwhelming. Being in this antisocial job doesn't help either. I have often thought of getting something a few days a week just to get out of the house. I think it would do anyone good. Know that things could always be worse and they will get better. Your grandson is young, he doesnwhere as this is a common occurrence in kids. I thought it was only my child but since have found many others are the same. Keep your head up and do what you can. It's ok to cry and vent to others. Don't keep it all bottled up inside. You will be surprised to find who your true friends and family are when you open up and really need them.

We have been spending less than 100 [2008-11-19]
And we are starving. DH took over going to the grocery store from me (He thought I spent too much when I would spend about 150 a week.) It has been months since we do not have a bare cupboard. I am not complaining. I understand we are broke and he needs to pay the creditors. But the one person who has pretty much stopped eating is me. I am home all day and there is never bread to make a sandwich and I often pass up supper because I am tired of eating junky stuff like mac and cheese or spaghetti with meat sauce. He and our 11 year old son, on the other hand eat thirds of whatever meal it is. I get kind of annoyed. Our littlest boy and middle girl eat very little. All 3 take their lunch to school. I say to DH either stop eating so much (for him and the older boy) or buy more. He flips his eyes at me. We even stopped getting microwave popcorn which used to fill them up. So, now I am hoping to work extra to go to the grocery store myself and put an extra 100 a week in myself, but I keep running out of work. You see, this all started when we started running out of work in transcription about a year ago this fall, and my DH took over the bills. Apparently food was the first to be cut. And, BTW I don't ever go anywhere because there is no gas in my car, and it has 2 flat tires. We live by the school and I borrow DH's car to take the kids but it is always on empty. We seem to make it every time. Oh, well. No need to complain. Just cutting back. The family is lucky I work at home, don't use gas, barely eat. But I do have to pay 10 bucks a month for nerve pills, because it is hard doing without. Like I said, when work picks up transcribing first place I am going after I get gas for the car is to the food store. Eventually I can repair my flat tires.

You are both so kind, and you are right [2008-11-19]
on the mark. Yes, the credit cards are his. He lived off credit cards for several years to support himself and his kids after he and his wife split up. His wife never paid child support and he paid for daycare and everything, so had to pay for extras outside of his salary on credit. Then when I came along I was doing real well as a hospital MT, but had to quit because I was here and he needed me to watch the kids. He did not understand I had a shift like a regular job. So, after several months of my back and forth work and being with the kids, the boss gave me an ultimatum daycare for the kids or I leave my job. I told my DH that my income which was very good at the time was important to me as I have supported myself my whole life including being a single mom. But he would not budge. So, I quit. It has been 3 years and most of our marriage my trying to balance kids (I love them don Next time you get money mommy, GO FOOD SHOPPING. He said that right in front of DH. But, I just know when I do that the gorging goes on. I explained to DH about telling his son about gluttony, but he laughs at me. So, when I see him and his son eat this way, I get grossed out and am not hungry at all. I am sorry to say all this here. I actually just came back from the doc who gives me nerve pills because of my situation and he says I am doing really well coping with the situation. Which he knows what is going on. He is sending me to see a good counselor who he says, will validate me and give me support and confidence. Last time I went to see a counselor she told me to leave. But, my son loves his step sister and brother and so I want to stay. Well, sorry for the soap opera. I think when I start making more money I will get food and tires for my car, etc. but I will hide some food and snacks and siphon it into the general population here. That way they don't get snorted up by certain people. LOL. (And yes, I am putting an emergency fund away. But this is why I wish there was more transcription out there!) Thanks for your kind words and support. Between you and the doc today, it makes me feel I am not alone! :)

Any Black Friday shoppers out there? [2008-11-19]
Tell me your plans for Black Friday. I subscribe to a website that posts the Black Friday ads earlier than they are actually sent out. It helps me map out my day. I get up at 3:00 a.m. and wear my Black Friday shirt -- I have a couple and just ordered 2 more. One reads: If you Another reads: It I ordered 2 new ones. One reads: It and the other one: I train year-round for Black Friday; you don After shopping all day, my BFF and I head to the Roadhouse for dinner and drinks and then we hit the hot tub. In case you didn The closer it gets, the more psyched I get. What are your plans?

What do you mean by purchasing [2008-11-17]
airtime cards and redeeming when they Don I don

Well it is best I think if you don't say...sm [2008-11-16]
anything to them since you are friends. The company needs to step in and tell them if you are an on-call employee you are not to work if the work is low. The company needs to reinforce this. I understand they want to make Christmas money, but the company needs to tell them full time and part timers come first.

Don't know about "sweet" but dog is God spelled backward sm [2008-11-16]
I put up with a terrier mix (not a pit - just a mutt) who was hyper and ate everything, my house shingles, kitchen floor, rugs, etc., tried caging her and she bent the wires, scaled a 6 ft. fence or dug holes underneath to get out. We called her Hogan's Heroes. When she literally ate my whole couch one cold Christmas Eve with 20 people coming, I called the SPCA in tears and they said no one would take a dog like her, they would only bring her back and she'd be put to sleep. So I kept her over 16 years and she's buried in a pet cemetery nearby. I now have a 120 lb. Golden who had big paws when he was born and the last one left because he was going to be big, so I took him. People have dropped off dogs to me crying and I found homes for them. I understand how we can't turn away these beautiful animals others don't have the heart to understand. I would present your husbandbill for food, etc., but don I believe in good deeds being rewarded. It takes time but good only leads to good things coming back at you. I doesn't seem that way right now and times are tough, but hopefully you will be rewarded in other ways.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart! [2008-11-16]
We will be leaving the space between our pillows where Fred slept each night empty in his honor. I truly appreciate the love and support you all have shown. Only those who have walked in our shoes can understand the depth of the love and the enormous loss we feel.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart! [2008-11-16]
We will be leaving the space between our pillows where Fred slept each night empty in his honor. I truly appreciate the love and support you all have shown. Only those who have walked in our shoes can understand the depth of the love and the enormous loss we feel.

Believe me [2008-11-15]
I really wanted to just tell her off, but I figured that would just fuel her fire, ya know? I just don't understand drama like this. I guess it's why I work at home! :)

They talked about this on The View for 2 days and [2008-11-14]
even to the point as to how they have sex and thatmake me sick, especially now that she/he is pregnant again and due in June! BW thinks she's doing the world a favor by doing this special report. The reasonit keptits female parts was to have kids. What gets me is they never heard of adoption? Why not adopt? Because they wanted to make money, that's why. I don't know how many times they pointed out that she is now a legal male on all records, SS#, birth (how'd they accomplish that?), marriage license, medical history, etc. If she/he is a legal male, she/he shouldn't have the reproductive organs. Period. I feel sorryfor the kids. They will be so confused because they are going to tell them as soon as they to speak and/or understand. This world is going to h---- in a handbasket.

Thank you for posting... [2008-11-14]
I haventhe smart one can weigh heavily on you. I still feel guilty for not being as successful as other people expected me to be at this point in my life. At times I think everyday life would have been a little happier if I had been a little more average or if I had realized that the only person I have to make happy right now is myself :)

Please...I need someone to talk to...sm [2008-11-13]
Okay, its pity party time. I may need to get a professionalfree therapy. I am feeling really, really guilty about not seeing my dad as much as I should. So, heredad just up and leaves sort of way. He got a job in another city about 5 hours away. I remember we were all really excited about it as it was a really good career move for him. Mom didnagreement was that he would come home on the weekends and see us (right). So this turned into seeing him every month, to every couple of months, to about twice a year (thanksgiving and Christmas). Him and mom are still married (don't know how she does it) but I feel such resentment toward him that it is hard for me to go see him. We only live about 15 minutes away from my parents and are in their town a lot to see my husband's family. However, I choose not to go see my father because it is awkward and weird and it stresses me out to the max. I get to see mom about 3 times a week as we work together (both as transcriptionists) at our local hospital. I love spending time with her, but not with my dad around. I know I'm hurting his feelings when I don't see him but on his birthday, father's day, holidays, etc. He doesn't drink THAT much anymore, a beer or two a day (we think), but it still bothers the heck out of me when I see him drinking. Although it is better than mom and I trying to get him to bed while he is falling down drunk or driving away, getting a DUII, etc. I would never tell him how I feel because I love him and wouldn't hurt him like that. He isn't very healthy (hep C, high BP, neuropathy, etc) and I don't think he'll be around for that much longer. NEway..getting off track...I just need some advice and/or to hear someone else's stories about something like this. I don't know what to do and it is really getting to me. It does feel better to be able to talk to someone about it though (husband doesn't understand and talking to mom about it just makes her feel bad). Thanks ladies for all of your support!!!

I can sympathize [2008-11-13]
If you honestly love him like you say, then maybe it is time for some forgiveness in your heart, just forget what has happened and move on or sit him down one on one and tell him to get it off your chest. My mom and dad divorced when I was one. I am almost 40 now. I won Once he had more kids, I was in the way. He was never there for me even as an adult. His wife (married again when I was 3) only wants to be involved in my life when she can stir up drama. I made the decision to finally cut them out of my life because it was beginning to affect me on a daily basis. I did confront both of them to a certain extent, not all that I wanted to say. But since his wife was stirring up drama with my 4 kids, momma bear came out and enough was enough. I still love my dad, but don't understand how he can be so blind about his wife. Being that your parents are still together, I think you need to either sit him down without your mom and tell him how you feel and maybe he will then understand why you have been so hurt. If you feel you can Just my 2 cents worth...I wish you the best of luck

Slightly different perspective. [2008-11-13]
So maybe I shouldn't post about this since I have not exactly been in your shoes but I think possibly I can lend a help perspective. I lost my father to cancer when I was 19. My FIL is an alcoholic. No I didn't grow up in a divorced family or without a father through my childhood and no I haven't experienced my father being an alcoholic. What I feel I can tell you is there is such a thing as being too late to say the things you wanted to say, good or bad. If it does come to that, you will never let it go. He is still your father regardless of the choices he has made in his life. You only have 1 father. After seeing my FIL, I believe alcoholism is an illness. Sure people can fight it and get help if they wan, but it takes a very, very strong person to overcome it and it is a constant battle. From the sounds of your post it seems as though you have some things you need to get off of your chest. Whether that means sitting down and talking to him or putting the past in the past and moving on with any kind of relationship - I think only you can figure that out. Even a relationship that is only on holidays and important events is still a relationship. Who knows, maybe talking to your mom would help her as much as it might help you. It certainly can't be a short conversation, it needs to be thorough to get through the surface feelings and to the nitty gritty. Maybe, just maybe, your mom could shed some light for you on why she has been able to forget the past to a certain extent and move on. If nothing else, this might make you and your mom even closer and it sounds like no one else (professional or otherwise) would understand better than her. With my FIL, we do not stay when he is drunk or starts drinking. The entire family knows we pack up and leave, regardless of the situation. It hurts his feelings sometimes I can tell, but he knows the circumstances and we have small children that we will not subject to that. It was difficult at first but over the years it is just the way it is and no one says a word anymore and respects where we are coming from.

My dad drinks a lot...or at least I think he still does... [2008-11-13]
but I am not really sure now because I live so far away...and I miss him terribly and I worry. Sometimes, just from my point of view, I think that we might not fully understand what makes people do what they do and we need to love them anyway. It doesn't make the bad things they have done or the disappointment go away, but it does make me feel better. Also, with the health problems, you might not have that long to see him, so why not take advantage of every minute. He couldn't have been all bad. I'm not saying you should buy him a 12 pack, but maybe try to accept him as an imperfect man. Everyone has faults, even our parents.

Hang in there and talk to others. [2008-11-13]
Donalcoholic, IGee, Dad I wish you wouldn Confronting sometimes depresses them into drinking. I was fortunate, my dad went to some retreats and quit cold turkey and my kids never knew it, in fact, they hate me to ever mention it, as they idolize him. So he died in my arms at 81, told him he was a good man and I am not sorry. My bros. hated him and I feel sorry for them. I feel peace. He has to think about it but dongot it, I think itGee, gotta go, Dad, gotta get these kiddos home. Perhaps he'll get the message, I hope so! Only he can save himself, not you.

IQ does not equal happiness [2008-11-11]
I There have been studies that suggest the smarter you are the less happy you are, and there may be some truth in it. The first reason for this would be people with attitudes like yours, abc. They hold smart people to the highest standards. They donbut they do have weaknesses. Imagine spending your whole life hearing If you. There is enormous pressure put upon them by others to do something great, to perform mental tricks for the amusement of others, to prove how smart they are.Some become as insecure about it as beauty queens do about their looks - I remember when I was married to my genius, we watched a show about a child prodigy who could play great compositions at the age of 4. This show upset my ex, I could see it made him jealous and insecure, and nervous that he was not as great as everyone assumed him to be. Just like there's always someone richer, thinner, and better looking, there's always someone smarter too. Another reason would be lonliness. The smarter you are, the less you have in common with the majority of the population. The things that interest you most people can I think one purpose Mensa was created was so that they could find people to talk to on their own level. The pitfall there is most of them are so specialized in their own areas of interest they still don't have anything in common - the gifted musician does not want to discuss quantum theories with the scientist, they can understand it, they just aren't interested in it. In my ex He self medicates with substances to escape the misery of being in his body. Second, he He started abusing substances to try to be one of the cool partying folk, to fit in. All of his current friends abuse substances, but he at least has some friends now, that Third, the pressure to perform has caused him to give up. He was a computer guru before computers were cool. Once computers were mainstreamed to the general populace, and new software was coming out on a daily basis, he could no longer know it all. When he reached that crossroads, he panicked, gave up and dove into the bottle to hide from his insecurities. Ahigh IQ is often just as much a curse as a blessing. I am assuming the reason to abuse substance ispretty universal - the desire to escape reality for a while, then it becomes a habit. If a person doesnmay choose to destroy it instead.

for sky...........sm [2008-11-11]
It was 'Take the real thing' who quoted...... 'I have taken a Wechsler and while I won't quote you a number, I will say the person who gave it as part of a psychological evaluation, told me he would diagnose me as way too smart for my own good. He stated that I probably didn't suffer fools gladly because I view most of the world as fools. I only fall at the 99.6 percentile on the Bell curve. No, I don't suffer fools gladly, but I try to be nice while others catch up.' She does not understand that acc to the Bell curve a 99.6 percentile equals an IQ of 141 on the Wechsler scale. And this is EXTREMELY high. Whereas she says, 'I have only 99.6 percentile on the Bell curve...' Therefore I said that I think she is lying. I do not understand that a psychologist would interpret an IQ result as 'way too smart for her own good.' That's nonsense.

Not all of us ENJOY being cellphone maniacs sm [2008-11-10]
I have gone to a friend's house for coffee. Yes, I carry a cellphone and yes, I text frequently. I talk some too. Where I live we all have to have Verizon because nothing else works. If you don't have a Verizon cell, no one will talk to you. There are only about 15 land lines in a town of 1400 people. I carry it with me and I have a tone for the text messages so I know the difference. Do I enjoy this? No! It is necessity and I consider a cellphone a necessity, but not a toy. Back to the story...at this friend's house, her daughter is there and so is another adult. That is 4 of us. During the hour I was there, each of them had more than 2 calls and many texts. They interrupted our conversation for EVERY SINGLE CALL AND TEXT. I found it very disruptive and RUDE. Your so-called friends were RUDE. If they really wanted to include you, all they needed to do was actually call you and ask you to come to them. Instead, they tried to show up by using a text when you are not a texter. When I add a new friend to my cellphone, I ask if they are text capable because you'd be surprised how many people are not. They don't understand that no everyone is a fanatic about texting or technology. So how many times did they interrupt conversations for the stupid cellphone? One way to turn off people from texting you is to use all your Expander shortcuts and all the weird stuff they use on IMs and texts. R U hom? hv u got cof on? cmg ov nw. Gets them every time!

nursing home decision [2008-11-09]
I am living this as we speak. My father died in March of 2007. My mother became bedridden in June 2007. I had hospice come in to assist, Home Health and Hospice to be exact, and they are wonderful. They actually have their own private nursing home-type facility in the next town over. With hospice, on an occasional basis and when a bed is available, they offer the caregiver a 5-day respite at their facility. After momma went for the first time she was offered a bed there and I immediately accepted. The facility is very small and only for the 3HC clientele, with only 12 private rooms divided into 2 sides - one side with 6 beds for the terminal clients and one side with 6 beds for residential clients. Momma was able to stay on the residential side for 7 months; however, her condition was stable and Medicare would no longer pay the fee. Momma came home after that and I have again been her primary caregiver since January of this year. She is contractured, bedridden, and rarely speaks or opens her eyes. I do have a sitter that works during the daytime hours M-F so that I can actually work, run errands when I need to, and get the kids to and from school because otherwise I cannot leave the house at all because momma cannot be left alone. I feel blessed to have found this line of work not quite 6 years ago. I have a 4-1/2 year old and a 6 year old and momma to care for so working from home has been a lifesaver. I, too, made the promise to momma that I would not put her in a nursing home and I will stand by that. Itcare most of the public places provide. It's a tough decision to make - even tougher if there aren't funds available like there are in our case (thanks to my great daddy) to pay for the sitter to come in and assist. But when the sitter isn't here, the kids and I must be. For the most part they understand, but sometimes they really just want to go somewhere or to the park or to McDonalds and we just can't do it. It's a huge personal sacrifice for your entire family to make to keep a parent at home. The decision isn't always just personal, though. It can be financial, too. You will make the right decision for whatever your situation is. Whatever you decide to do, just know that your parent respects you enough to make that decision for them and that they love you. Best of luck to you honey... hugzzzzz

abused pit bulls [2008-11-09]
Again I refer to the web site I have posted which gives statistics regarding pit bull ownership by criminals. I don Of course I am not suggesting that you orblondiearecriminals, but I would hope that you could at least admitthat a large percentage of pit bulls are owned by those involved in drugs and other crimes, with the purpose of attacking and/or intimidatingothers in their criminal circle. There are countless other breeds capable of providing the same companionship and loyalty and unconditional love as a pit bull, but without the strength and aggression to kill human beings. Did you read on the web site about the 24-year-old woman who was killed in her own bed by her 2 pit bulls she had raised since puppyhood? Nobody knows what happened, but these were her two babies, and yet then turned on her and killed her. It is believed that she could have had a seizure, as she was epileptic. Why would a dog perceive their master lying in bedhaving a seizure(if indeed that is what happened) as a threat, and why would they kill her? What set them off? Ask yourself THAT question. Ifpit bullswere the only loyal dog or the only loving dog available to own, I could maybe understand the risk all you owners are taking. But that is just not the case. There are so many other breeds with which you can form that same bond, without the terrible risks.