I mean no disrespect when I ask.....

I mean no disrespect when I ask..... [2008-06-20]
do you think you could have done a better job running this country? I would never want President Bush's job in a million years and only have respect for him and for taking the job on. I truly think he did the best he could given the circumstances he was given shortly after being elected. I know you will obviously not agree and that is fine, but I still say it is wrong to call anyone retarded. It is just wrong and uncalled for.

I, too was born in the 40s. Sure you heard of disrespect and [2007-10-05]
bad kids and teenagers, but there it was never, ever to the degree we see it today, and all sorts of new problems like the drug addiction, animal cruelty, arson, carjacking drive by shootings, constant robberies, etc. In my home town a chain of convenience stores was hit about 5 times in the last few weeks. They say they caught the four who were doing it. Also on today's news was the report they caught the murderer they have been looking for. . a youth who killed someone in my home town over drugs. We had our problems back then, but nothing like this. It is totally out of hand.

Disrespect, never saw it in my school [2007-10-05]
might have had our disagreements at home but nah, nothing like today. Our pales by comparison. Disrespect is a cop out as far as I am concerned. The kids need a heck of a lot more discipline because they have been petted too long.

It's not the dirty talk - it's the disrespect (sm)... [2007-07-06]
It sounds to me that your real problem is that he dislikes and does not respect women in general. Has he always been like this or has he changed? Have you changed the church you go to? Are you getting male superiority type messages from church? If not, why not talk to your pastor or minister? I know that it is embarrassing but you can discuss his lack of respect, how he talks and feels about women and, then, let him know that it is effecting you and causing you to withhold intimacy. Believe me, he Furthermore, if I had to guess what caused this change (if he has changed) I would say that your husband He is treating you like he would a prostitute and you certainly need to have someone intervene and wake him up. If you cannot find someone to talk to in the church, try a social service hot line for women. Men like that can go from bad to worse and you could find yourself in a heck of a bad situation without help! Go get some, now!

I have had the pleasure... [2008-11-09]
....of working in several nursing homes as a CNA and nurse before coming to medical transcription. It's hard work and usually staffing is sometimes paltry, even in the good homes, but we really do care. Really. Every place has bad eggs, the hospitals, home care, etc., but everyone usually has to have some sort of heart to work in a nursing home. First things first...I always would check for jobs with this litmus test, and I recommend anyone do this. This is a make or break kind of ordeal. You look for the state inspection report. It HAS to be placed in a prominent place in the facility. If you cannot find it readily, ask where it is. If there is anything going on with hiding these documents, you leave and never come back. The other thing is to smell for stale urine or strong air fresheners. If you smell either of those, leave. (Do not check for BM smell--the smell often radiates and may be new, for lack of a better term.) Look at the residents. Do many of them seem content? Do you see aides with gait belts around their waists? Do the nurses look terribly stressed? Please also do not judge by tones of voices in the direct care staff. Often the staff must talk very directly, succintly, and abruptly--it sometimes comes off as harsh, but it's not--for particular residents to hear and/or understand. If you go in a facility in the evening, often the place is chaotic, particularly if there are demented residents. There is a condition known as sundowning that is very, very real. The ones with dementia who are sundowning may give the impression that care is not being given due to the chaos and behaviors brought by the condition. It's not the case. Usually these residents are kept in common areas until they are calm enough to retire for the night. If you go in the nighttime, often there is one night nurse for about 65ish residents. If you are so inclined to come in at this time and do not see anyone at the nurse's station for some time, know that the nurse may be tending to a medical issue and the CNAs are tending to personal care of the residents. If you ever see nurses eating a sandwich in one hand and writing in another hand while sitting at the nurse's station, this is sometimes the only break he or she gets. It's not out of disrespect that this is done. It is so that nurse can care for the residents as best as he or she can. What you are describing in your original post, unfortunately, is quite common, from what I have seen. Two people who are married a long time will often pass not too far apart. It seems people often do decide when they will go. As a nurse, it's one of the more incredible things I've seen. When I saw it happen, I always had the sense there is an extremely strong bond between the spouses that absolutely nothing could break. I'm not trying to say anything is amiss with your mother. I'm not. It doesn't always happen that way. I hope I don't come off that way. I'm sorry you are going through this, because no one wants to send a loved one to the nursing home, yet caring for an ailing parent is one of the most stressful things anyone can experience. I have never been in your position, so I hope I don't come off as too forward, rude, or presumptuous, but I wanted to tell you a little more about what you may be getting into. If you live in Iowa, I'd recommend you to a great one that has the best nurse I've ever met working there now. He has cooked up oyster soup in our kitchen when a resident stopped eating because the resident loved oyster soup. He has taken residents fishing for the heck of it. He wears a scrub shirt with chickens on it because many of our residents were farmers and like the shirt (and because my husband has a silly sense of humor and a wife with a sewing machine). I've known CNAs who buy (with their own money) residents pop and even steak just because the resident wanted it and could have it. Shoot, lots of us do it, even when we don't have a lot of money to our names. I loved to sing with the residents that had dementia (music seems to be retained) and chat about life with the residents who had their faculties. I promise it's not all doom and gloom. Sure, nursing homes could do better, but if you find the right one, it may just work out. All my best to you and your mother.

Update on jealousy/stepkids... [2008-10-10]
Okay, the man in my life with the kids did not come home until 5:30 this morning and at 5:32 AM I was telling him that I had taken all the disrespect from him and his kids that I was going to take and that we were going to have to just end this relationship. Don And ya know what? I just feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest...

A little bit [2008-10-06]
But this behavior stems from disrespect. If I tacked notes and sent email reminders he would probably become enraged and say I was belittling him and putting him down. sigh.....

Same situation [2008-08-26]
...except I am a single parent. I have a 10 year old who was arguing with teachers and classmates and fighting almost daily. He also started to be disrespectful at home and when I would send him to his room for punishment, he would kick and throw things around in his room while mumbling under his breath as well as blatently yelling at me. The second episode of kicking and throwing things, I told him to stop or I would call the police. I was downstairs and eventually heard something break. I was very angry at this point. I ran upstairs to his room (wanted him to hear me running) and I forcfully opened his door (was glad to see that he looked startled). Very angrily, I told him that if I heard one more noise from his room, I would call the police. I told him to clean up the mess from the item he broke. He told me he wasn't going to clean up anything. I called the police. The police arrived. After I explained to him the long list of problems I had been having with him, the policeman gave him a speech for about 30 minutes...asking him questions along the way to keep him engaged. He said all of the usual things that any adult outsider would say to your kid. This worked for about 3 weeks...then back to the same. After a terrible morning of him lying about something and being sent to his room for punishment, he started the same throwing, kicking, talking back routine. I politely pulled his suitcase into the hallway. I entered his room and began removing his clothing from his closet and placing them into the suitcase. I told him to go put his dirty clothes in front of the washer so I could wash them. I calmly told him that I was not going to put up with his crap anymore and that I was going to take him to the intake office for foster care. I told him that while he was in foster care I would be inviting his cousins over to enjoy his xbox, model cars, CDs, DVDs, etc. I told him that it was going to be nice having kids around who are respectful and appreciative of my love/affection and other things that I could offer them. He did not say a word. While those clothes were washing, I did not hear a peep out of him. When I put the clothes into the dryer, he said, I don I told him, sorry...I have no choice....told him I was sick of having a house that was always filled with turmoil. Told hi that since he seems to be unable to control himself and cannot disrespect the mother who works so hard to take care of him and tries so hard to love and support him....he has to go. He says...please don't send me to foster care. I told him I would give him one more chance. I told him that his suitcase would remain packed and that he was to get dressed each day out of that suitcase and that whenever clothes were washed he would place them back into the suitcase. This happened in April. He is still getting dressed out of that suitcase. You would not believe the difference this has made. He still lies and when he is caught he is sent to his room, but now there is not kicking or throwing things...there is no talking back. He just lies quietly on his bed reading a book or fiddling with one of his little gadgets. After an hour or so (because he is taking his punishment like a normal person should) I tell him that he can now come out of his room if he is willing to apologize for lying and admit that he lied. Long story short...the packed suitcase has done the trick. He knows that I am serious. He now understands that if he breaks the rules he will be punished. He understands that his behavior while he is being punished has a major impact on the length of his punishment. It is sad that he has to get dressed out of a suitcase, but this has been very effective for us.

I agree, don't let her get to you... [2008-06-10]
my stepdaughters were not the princesses they portrayed themselves to be and their dad soon caught on to the nastiness and disrespect they showed me (and still do!). This nut has her own problems, probably very low self esteem, makes her feel better to point out your flaws because she is so perfect...LOL! No judgements, just hoping it all works out for you!

when my son was in second grade [2008-04-23]
a couple of weeks before that, I noticed the school # was on my caller ID but there was no message. I asked my son if he may know why the school called. He got kind of quiet and told me that he had said something disrespectful to the teacher assistant so I thought maybe that was the reason. (I had him write a little note to the assistant, telling her he was sorry for showing disrespect but I definitely let him know I appreciated his honesty with me)..... ANYWAY..... I figured with parent/teacher conferences coming up, I would bring it up then. I mentioned there was a call, wasnit to which my son replied, YES YOU DO MOMMY! The teacher, the assistant and I were all looking at each other like WHAT????? My son then went on to say at Mario Bros..... LOL. I thought oh here we go, child protective services will be giving me a visit!! LOL.

Breach of confidentiality [2008-04-11]
Is your boyfriend listed as a person to contact in an emergency or listed anywhere on your son If not, then the teacher just broke the confidentiality clause of her contract. Just like we are allowed to ask for word help, we are not allowed to say a patient For example if her best friend is the art teacher and your son does not take art, she cannot mention your son to her. By the same token, unless you have given the teacher and the school permission to discuss your son I would make that real clear to the teacher. I also think you need to have a discussion with your boyfriend and your son about their disrespect of you during that conference. While it Good luck!

To me it seems [2008-03-04]
that too many people do not spank their kids these days. Do you think time-outs work for those younger school-age children who vandalize property? Do you think they work for those smart-mouthed kids who disrespect their parents? Obviously not. To some it teaches that they can get away with anything without so much as a slap on the hand. If people would reprimand their children when they are in serious need of it they might behave. Time-outs don't always work. I'm h-e-l-l bent that my child will not grow into one of those disrespectful children we see so much of these days. And if a few spankings will achieve that and make the lesson stick in their mind, so be it. I do not beat my childen, I do not abuse my children. I believe in spankings and I think that if the situation calls for it, by all means use it. It brings to mind those kids they used to have on shows like Montel and Maury, those teens that thought they could talk however they want to adults. Granted the show might not have been real, but there ARE younger kids/teens out there who do it because they get away with it. I always said that if someone would slap the fire out of them and rock them back on their heels they would think twice before doing it again.

I completely agree.....sm [2008-03-04]
I also as a child was spanked NOT beaten, an I can tell you that my generation had MUCH more respect than the generations now. I am not that old either...late 30s, but back in the day, the neighbors spanked you, then sent you home to your parents whom they called, and you got it again...needless to say, I turned out JUST fine and again, have a LOT more respect for my elders now. I cannot STAND when people say that just because you spank your child means that you beat them...I have 4 children, whom are spanked when needed, which has not had to be often, but I can bet you that they respect me, their dad, AND other adults, and even my oldest ones (who are teenagers by the way) have said THEY think it has made them better people. They can COMPLETELY understand WHY we as parents may resort to spanking (and we used time outs too, but those only work for so long and for the little things). I too think that if more parents spanked NOT BEAT, their children, we would not have all the disrespect we have today. Just another example of society/government getting in the way. Again, spanking and beating are two different things, so DON'T confuse the two. As it says in the bible...spare the rod, spoil the child! JMHO!!

I'm with you. [2008-02-19]
I have never tolerated backtalk from my children, no eye rolling, no whatever, etc. My sons are 20, 18 and 17, and they never talk back to me. I loved having teens in the house. There were never any major conflicts, because we all spoke respectfully to each other. There were arguments and disagreements, to be sure, but never disrespect. I have had a lot of their friends in my house over the years, and as a scout leader, IUgh! Go home kid! But I have actually learned that that is not the best solution. I establish rules and keep at it with the kids. If they truly have incorrigible attitudes, yep, I send them along their way. But I've only had to do that two or three times over the years (Each time it was the same kid who is now a mess at age 20, btw). For the most part, though, mouthy kids in my home or under my supervision in scouts will push back a few times when I impose the rules. But after that, they generally settle into the rules and go along. As they behave more and more like gentlemen, they find that they receive more and more from me in terms of respect, interest in what they are doing, what they are thinking, etc. etc. Lots of those kids who behave like completely honorable young men in my presence are still horrible to their parents. And in front of their parents, I will correct them for it. The parents will comment, Why does he behave for you but not for me? Because I INSIST that they behave, and you can, too! Grow parental backbone. So, Isave him, but there's no reason to write him off, at least not at first! If, however, he keeps at the disrespect and never shows signs of controlling himself, by all means send him home. You certainly don't have to put up with that sort of thing. But if he never has any example of how decent, respectful people behave, he'll never be any better. If you have the patience for it, you can only be a good influence in these sorts of situations. There are big payoffs down the road. My kids are now old enough and mature enough to say to me, You did the right thing, mom! And that is priceless.

You wanted to ask, but you did not? [2008-02-14]
For crying out loud, you should be MUCH more ready to forgive him his abusive language and disrespect if he was on drugs. Good grief. It sounds like you expect everybody to be perfect except you. If he is clean now, he would probably be ashamed of how he acted. How many years have you let this rift go on, anyway?

How do you deal with people who always return gifts or sm [2008-01-21]
They do not take proper care of them. I have bought several expensive things (which they chose and they chose the best!). I later find out they have either sold it or gotten rid of the expensive item(s). I can picture the payment book(s) lying on my desk, sometimes a thousand dollars or more. I canjunking should have been an heirloom.No more! Please don't lecture me on a gift is a gift, I've heard that one before. I call it complete disrespect.Am I alone here or how do you handle such ingrates?

You are a power of example by helping sm [2008-01-08]
When I was younger, I would not only cry, sometimes I would not attend or attend and not sleep for days. I think being in the MT business made me realize how short life is. I am amazed that now I look at death in a different way. I cannot believe how I have changed. Most of my friends were brought up to wear black, look sad, cry a lot. I was brought up to avoid it, stay away from wakes and funerals;so could not handle it. Thanks to transcribing so many autopsies, horrible situations, illnesses, educational seminars on death and dying, etc., I am finally able to celebrate life. I do have others now not understanding why I do not cry. Itprogram for his funeral which was beautiful. I included my whole family in the funeral,chose the music,etc. This would not have been possible in my younger years. My SIL was confrontational when she sawme at work during the time we were awaiting the funeral (it was over a holiday). I told her I was t preparing for the funeral. There will be some whose family tradition is to cry, wear black, shut out the whole world for 30 days, thatMy DILAll I know is, I love the new me, I am much happier today nowthat I have a different attitude. I hope people celebrate my life, not stop living. I am writing my own obit, short and sweet and will probably plan my own funeral instead of leaving that task to my kids. I celebrate the life and spirt left behind, but do not disrespect those who continue to wear black and cry, as thatdoers in times of grief as well as the mourners. I would rather be a doer and feel better doing.

My advice is... [2007-12-15]
First things first, he needs to be completely honest. Myself, I have trouble with the just kissed scenario. Iokay because there wasnown up to what he has truly done, then there will be no change and he will continue to believe in his own mind he was justified. I have just gone through this with my own brother. In over 30 years, he has cheated on his wife more times than I can count on 2 hands, and each time, he downplays he did anything wrong and actually blames her, if she would have loved me more, gave me more attention Well BS on that. I do believe people can change but they never will until they acknowledge that THEY did this..not you.. Who wants to live the rest of their life with a loaded gun to their head. Talk about pressure. Geez, if one day, you forget to say I love you or pat him on the back, you Luckily, my sister-in-law got a second chance with a man who thinks she is gold. He respects her and does everything for her. My brother was selfish..it was always all about him.. So now..she made it about her.. and so should you if he doesnonce a cheater always a cheater andI know I could never trust again nor live that way with such disrespect and trust issues. Again, I'm so sorry for you..and sorry for such a long note. This hit a nerve after what I have been going through with my brother..

He is old-fashioned, and that isn't necessarily an excuse [2007-12-11]
I am a Pastor's wife. Well, that will probably tell you volumes in itself. He is right-wing Lutheran, and I come from a moderate Lutheran background. Well, needless to say I know what you are going through except I am supposed to set an example to the ladies at church that the man is the leader of the house and we are not to publicly or privately question his decision, because that is the Biblical way. Well, sinner or not, I think this leads to men thinking they are always right, we are not their equal, we have no say, and it becomes a control issue. So... my heart is with you. I have yet to figure out this patriarchal thing. Believe me, I have voiced many times that I am good at some things, he other things and in discipline with children, we are equal not one better than the other. I think men are supposed to act responsibly not controlling and this is where the confusion comes in. When they refuse our opinion or disrespect us, I feel they are not living up to their role as protector and are acting like babies. But then again, they say I am a Pastor's wife who needs to go to Pastor's wife school, because my opinions are for equality and I have zero tolerance for domestic abuse. I am sorry if this does not answer your question or help you, but I do want to say I sympathize and you are not incorrect. There is no reason for a man to be controlling or to be rude, senseless and overbearing. When I figure out the answer to my situation I'll let you know. All I can say is to this day publicly and at home I stick up for equality, and I do not accept abusive male behavior and I don't care who doesn't like it. Zero tolerance from me. Leads to a tense household, but it could be worse, dishonesty is absolutely worse. Sorry for the soap box. Please hang in there and keep yourself safe and happy. :)

Paddling [2007-12-07]
Both of my children, a son (age 32) and a daughter (age 26) went to a Christian academy their whole school career. My daughter going on to a Christian college. They were both paddled in school. I knew this ahead of time when I signed the papers for them to go to school. They were given demerits for things such as lying and cheating, disrespect of a teacher or anyone in authority. They were given a chance to work off demerits (going a week without any, cleaning). When 10 demerits were accrued the principal gave them 3 swats, not a beating. Both of my children are well-rounded and respectful adults. My son owns his own business, is married and has a daughter (who, yes gets a spanking now and then). My daughter is a Christian school teacher. I can count on one hand how many times my children were paddled in school. It deterred them greatly from being rebels. We also spanked them at home when need be. They have both told my husband and myself how grateful they are that they were reared with boundaries. If the administration of the paddling is done without anger, I see nothing wrong with it myself.

LOL Preacher's kids [2007-12-07]
My kids are preachertalk. But after years of this I am used to it and realize we do have a responsibility to set an example. Anyway, just last night when my son was being naughty, really naughty, I said to my husband, I think they are right, preacher My husband gave me an ugly look. No matter who the child belongs to, there is no excuse for disrespect, ugliness and the like. We as parents all have the important responsibility of setting boundaries and to help them to grow up to be responsible adults. I agree too about the sneakiness when spanked. I think positive reinforcement works much better, although I have to do that more. The more positive I am about the good things the more they will want to do good. IMO

Disrespect, never saw it in my school [2007-10-05]
might have had our disagreements at home but nah, nothing like today. Our pales by comparison. Disrespect is a cop out as far as I am concerned. The kids need a heck of a lot more discipline because they have been petted too long.

I understand completely... [2007-08-30]
and am in no way arguing your point, it Maybe it I enjoy reading your advice...very refreshing and inspiring

during non-combat sure - but the last 3 wars [2007-08-30]
Please suggest shethink 50 times on this subjectbefore making this decision..... I, for one, am tired of wars for oil and all this other nonsense!!! Last real wars for the US in my mind were WWII and Korea, and very sad that 58,000 died in the B.S. Vietnam War.....I just saw/heard an American solider (one WITH rank)say in Iraq the other day - *this one is turning out to be our vietnam* - how sad was that to hear?! And I mean no disrespect to those who did fight in Vietnam - my disrespect comes from D.C. and the fiascos and the lies to the people of the USA perpetuated for GENERATIONS!!

Not only is he treating you badly, [2007-07-30]
what kind of a man tells his wife and children to leave the home? My parents divorced when I was 11 and as I got older I realized it really was for the best. You need to show your children that it is not okay to disrespect anyone. You should go ahead and at least consult a lawyer and see what your options are.

Other woman was 'WAY out of line. sm [2007-06-18]
She's the head-case. She's teaching her children disrespect for animals, for other people, and, eventually, for her, as well. Keep on feeding the birds, at least YOUR kids will learn to enjoy and appreciate wildlife.

I know this will not be easy to read but I believe [2006-12-26]
we are responsible for how others 'treat' us because we have allowed it.... not easy to accept - I know - because have been through this myself and it is hard to swallow but if you think about it - it does make sense. When others disrespect us, either by not treating us the same as we treat them or by doing other unacceptable things and we continue to allow them to do this w/o confronting - they will continue to do so and in order to stop you need to stop allowing it and stop accepting it - and realize you are worthy of more. It's a hard step to take and a long road to haul but it can be done. So sorry! Trust me - have been there myself and slip back every so often but it is worth it to change!