I would just let her cry it out. Same thing as

Anybody see the new thing now that internet companies including Comcast are going to monitor monthly [2008-08-30]
internet usage.

I've done it so many times -- most exciting thing [2008-08-29]
Wow, where do I start? I left MI when I was 23, having heard San Diego was nice. I loaded up the Chevy and headed West. One of many, many adventures I I Atlanta, Chicago, LA, San Diego. I I have a CB radio to keep in touch with the truckers and they would always help me when I would break down, overheat, or need any sortof help. There is nothing like seeing this great country of ours one slow mile ata time. Colorado and Utah are by farthe most beautiful, but treacherousbecause of the Rocky Mountains. As far as moving to a city you donthe Chamber of Commerce for any particular city for all sorts of information about their town --- also part of the adventure. I always loved being a stranger in a strange land. And fear, oh yes, but more bravery than anything. I If you're young and courageous, I say totally go for it!!

was thinking the same thing. nm [2008-08-27]
***

Make him repay every mean thing he does to his brother with 3 nice things sm [2008-08-25]
Take away a privelege he really enjoys and make him spend that time doing three nice things for his brother - through gritted teeth - every time he does something mean. For example - you hit your brother, you clean his room, let him use your favorite toy and clean his plate for him after dinner tonight. If he responds in anger during that timeframe and hits again, he starts all over again, three nice things. I had to do this with my son with negative things he would say. It worked well. Now when he starts to slip up we start the three nice things again and he remembers quickly.

one thing I noticed is now we are [2008-08-23]
starting to see similarities because for the first time we are developing pictorial references and can see some of our ancestors. I have a pic of my grandfather as a young boy and my nephew was almost the spitting image of him. My uncle was almost a dead ringer for his grandfather whom none of us ever knew because he died young. Before 1900, most everyday people never had images of themselves made, and only a few had it done for deceased as it would be the only one ever made. You are right, it is fascinating. Just think, they all had their own stories.

I posted the same thing after I saw it! It is GREAT!!! [2008-08-19]
xx

How weird. I was just going to ask the same thing [2008-08-19]
I also have huge bags under my eye. I never paid too much attention until my daughter told me that I looked tired one day. Boy do they look awful. Cover make up doesn't even begin. I was hoping others would have some remedies to at least make them less puffy and dark. I may have to try Preparation H.

Is Rotel a Southern Thing? [2008-08-16]
I just heard of it today, for the first time. Is it like cheese whiz?

I know one thing - a BLUE screen is NOT good [2008-08-16]
nm

One more thing..He mentioned that since the Chines Govt. gives its own sm [2008-08-14]
papers, they are falsifying documents and changing birth dates! So yes, they are younger and you are right.

FEELINGS. . . SOOOO sick of that stupid thing! NM [2008-08-13]
xx

I'd get a similar thing with a neighbor (sm() [2008-08-07]
heWhere ya goin now? After I lived and learned, I reply, I don

I would like to suggest one thing to you, OP...SM [2008-07-21]
Please talk with your husband and tell him that before he makes any more threats about military school or what the next step will be, that it is a decision that the 2 of you make TOGETHER. I have a DD with several psychological issues and what I find is that if DH and I disagree on anything, it She is a product of your marriage, and your marriage should NOT be defined by her and if you two are not in agreement, that I'll be thinking of you!

You did the right thing [2008-07-19]
It may not feel like it now, but you did the absolute best thing for your daughter and your marriage. Great job!

No, I meant the other thing... [2008-07-16]
I only use Yahoo occasionally, so I'm useless there. I meant on here. I'm not noticing that I'm having any problems, so I was wondering what problems you were having.

One more thing... [2008-07-16]
TELL YOUR HUSBAND!!! Do not let her drive a wedge between the 2 of you...he's her father, he deserves to know.

Need to know if we're doing the right thing - sm [2008-07-08]
Our 18 year old son He We have a 16 year old daughter (no problem - brother and sister like) whose best friend has a huge crush on the friend. She Now my DH says he saw condoms in his room. We told my DD today that her friend can We already found them twice alone in the living room, clothed but under a blanket. DD is livid. What do you think?

One more thing - about calling (sm) [2008-07-03]
Their leader will not allow them to use the phone to call - period. they are not allowed to call their parents, even though there are payphones right there at the trading post.

One more thing sm [2008-07-01]
My daughter is already reliving this incident everyday and will continue to relive it for a long time. If you would do a little research, you would know that dog bite lawsuits hardly ever end up in court. They are settled with the homeowner The owner never gave us their insurance company information to settle with them because they said they would take care of everything. These people have no remorse, letting their dog out without a leash only 2 weeks after the dog bit my daughter. This dog will probably bite another child, unfortunately.

wrong thing [2008-06-23]
I haven't read the other responses yet, but for what it's worth - not saying anything is worse than saying the wrong thing. My husband was just dx'd with CA last week, given maybe 6-9 mos. to live. My niece, whom I love dearly, said NOTHING. It really hurt my feelings. I know now that she just didn't know what to say and didn't want to say something stupid. People need to know you care, even if you stumble and say something stupid. Never be afraid to show you care.

Ever say the wrong thing [2008-06-22]
Ever say the wrong thing, and you realize as your talking trying to say something that would make them feel better that that what your saying doesn’t quite sound right so you keep trying to explain and it just gets worse and worse. Today I was talking to someone whose wife has cancer and she started chemo a few weeks ago. I’m always caring as my mom had cancer so I know a bit of what they are going through, but of course I don’t want to say that because it would sound as though what they are going through is not that important compared to what my mom went through (which of course is not true – I love both these people). Anyway…last night his wife passed out and they had to bring her to ER (she’s better and was released). He told me it gave him a scare and made him realize how fragile life is. I told him that’s true. He then was laughing and said something in regards to life isn’t forever and we all have to move on but nobody ever wants to (or something like that) and he was laughing about it (he’s not a very serious person and usually laughs at everything), and I told him that reminded me of a movie I saw called Kingdom of Heaven when someone said you don’t’ seem upset that I’ve killed your master and the guy said to him “it was his time to go”. Talk about knowing immediately that was one of the stupidest things I could have said and I’m sure sounded insensitive. So, I tried to think of something less equally stupid to say (if such a thing was possible). But I told him sometimes its really depressing typing reports all day because there are so many people with such serious illness that it just get depressing typing them all day. Then I was thinking to myself that that made it sound as though what she is going through isn’t as important as everyone else. Not quite sure if all this was in my mind as I’m sensitive to others feelings and always want to say the right things so they will feel better (even though it may not always come out that way). I ended the conversation letting him know that what they were going through is very hard and that I was glad his wife was better and tell her that I’m thinking of her and wishing them the best. He said in an upbeat tone, thanks I will. He didn’t seem upset, but it was just a very awkward conversation and I wanted to get off before I said anything else. I don’t think he took offense to what I was saying but in these circumstances you never know and it just proved to myself that from now on its better to keep my mouth shut and not sound stupid than to say anything that makes me look so. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and do you think I’m being oversensitive. From now on a simple concerned and understanding “uh-hum” will be in my vocabulary.

I have often thought the same thing. SM [2008-06-10]
Maybe some of the people who post such harsh comments will one day be facing a similar situation and need to vent or get a positive word. We should all try to lend a shoulder and an ear.

The best thing for you... [2008-05-25]
is to leave and go back to your family where you will have the support you need. Your husband appears to have many issues that, frankly, you will not be able to fix and it is doubtful he will want to seek counseling based on the behavior you describe. Further, he may be homosexual/bisexual and this, as you know, is not something that is fixed. It sounds like he is purposely treating you terribly and this has nothing to do with something you have done or not done enough of - this is another sign of his many psychological issues. Please do not waste another minute of your life. Be thankful that child is his from another relationship and not yours - you can make a clean break, move on with your life in a positive direction, find the kind of relationship you deserve, and never have to deal with your husband again. I am aware that you love him, but also ask yourself if you are focusing on what you WISH it could be like or maybe even USED to be like. Do you really love the man he is now - the man that treats you this way? I repeat, do not waste another minute of your life. It will not be easy at first, but you will learn, grow and be all the better for leaving this man. He is killing you emotionally day by day.

it's the only thing that works for my severe insomnia [2008-05-21]
i have tried everything else. it even when i i think my off-switch is broke. i get so jealous of people who yawn and say they my friends can call me at 3 in the morning and i'm as bright and cheerful as if it's noon.

I head that was a limited-time only thing. I never even got a chance to try it. nm [2008-05-20]
xx

Oh wow...thanks for posting that... [2008-08-29]
we have a 10-week-old boxer and have been picking up toys here and there for him...thanks for letting me know what NOT to get...that is scary...poor thing!!

Another possible recall. [2008-08-29]
Thanks for posting that info. That is a terrible thing. I just caught the tail end of this story yesterday on the local news. I'm not sure if it is a full recall or just a warning but there is a hazard with some type of Simplicity baby basinets and cribs. I guess the area is too large for standards and the childs head can get stuck and suffocate in the mattress. I haven't had the opportunity to research and find out the full details but just jotted down what I could quickly.

I've done it so many times -- most exciting thing [2008-08-29]
Wow, where do I start? I left MI when I was 23, having heard San Diego was nice. I loaded up the Chevy and headed West. One of many, many adventures I I Atlanta, Chicago, LA, San Diego. I I have a CB radio to keep in touch with the truckers and they would always help me when I would break down, overheat, or need any sortof help. There is nothing like seeing this great country of ours one slow mile ata time. Colorado and Utah are by farthe most beautiful, but treacherousbecause of the Rocky Mountains. As far as moving to a city you donthe Chamber of Commerce for any particular city for all sorts of information about their town --- also part of the adventure. I always loved being a stranger in a strange land. And fear, oh yes, but more bravery than anything. I If you're young and courageous, I say totally go for it!!

I never thought about thyroid... [2008-08-29]
I just looked it up a little bit and most of the symptoms are me to a T. Unfortunately,My husband just lost his job so I don So going to the doc is out of the question for a little while. School is starting next week and with 3 kids to buy shoes, backpacks, clothes for, etc. money is too tight. I Thanks for the idea though.I appreciate it. I I also have depression so when I get so fatigued I feel useless, bad for my kids, husband, etc which compounds my depression. So I Thanks again!

I've done it too a couple of times. [2008-08-29]
I moved from OH to FL when I was 19. I wanted to get away from the snow! I had the best time and wouldn't trade the experience for the world. I lived in Atlanta for 5 years, moved from there 5 years ago. The area was way too congested for my liking. Just to go to the grocery store was bumper to bumper traffic. As a matter of fact, there was traffic any time of the day or night. Even when you leave Atlanta and go 1 hour in any direction, you are STILL in traffic! It was ridiculous. The other thing about Atlanta that we did not like is that because of the rapid growth, we had trouble hiring anybody to do anything. We would get estimates for work on our house. They would want the money up front and then say we. It was awful. We ended up always hiring illegals (which there is also an abundance of in Atlanta and surrounding area) who always did a good job and always showed up! It even took 6 weeks to get a phone line put in. I could rant and rave for a long time about Atlanta but you get the picture. I really cannot recommend it. On the other hand, I am feeling a little jealous of your freedom. Do it while you can! Good luck.

last night the tests were back from the "air" testing...sm [2008-08-29]
They tested the air in the trunk to see if there was really human decomposition. They didn As of last night they were still waiting on the DNA results of the hair samples from the trunk also. Apparently they can tell if it was from a dead/decomposing body and of course whether or not it was the baby Maybe those came back. Oh! The guy who posted her bond said last night that he was going to revoke it. I'll bet that's it. It was so obvious right from the beginning that she was a lying sack of sh**! First of all, what mother just looks for her missing baby for a month without calling the police? or even telling her own mother? Then, what kind of freakin Not only that but she also had a FEW boyfreinds during it all. Men would be the last thing on my mind and Imight be drinking but it sure wouldn I I wouldn Even with the lame excuse that she gave about some babysitter taking her. If that were the case, then I I I There isn That poor baby girl doesn Casey will get what she deserves in prison though, I can almost guarantee that. And I don The women in there will give her the justice she deserves! You can bet on it!

Also new to canning [2008-08-28]
My tomatoes do the same thing, and I had a friend tell me it was because I left the seeds in. ???? They taste the same. This is the first year I have canned, although I grew up on canned food. I have done a boatload of tomatoes, some kraut, some dill pickles, some pickled beets. Those were store-bought canned beets so we will see how well they turn out.Also have frozen some corn, and now have more corn and some green beans to process. Just a note, from what I have read if the food is low acid, such as beans or corn, you have to process it differently. Good luck to ya!! HC

Global warming - faction, fiction, political, mountain or mole hill [2008-08-27]
Trying to get a handle on whether people have bought into the global warming thing. Do you believe it whole-heartedly 100% Gore-ly, or do you believe the scientist who have been studying global warming/cooling. Also, do you believe a lot of it is politically-oriented.

Just a thought....... [2008-08-27]
We lived in an area where tree frogs and lizards were a daily thing, all over the place. Our dog loved it though. They usually plant themselves in areas where there are more abundant insects. Is there a light nearby? That will draw the insects as well. Put in a buglight which will cut down greatly on the bugs attracted and hopefully cut down on the lizards and frogs as well. But the tree frogs hung out all over our sliding patio door regardless. Of course, my husband and I are big fans of both, because once you start seeing them diminish overall, that's a bad statement for their environment, so we were pretty tolerant anyway. I do understand the falling on your head though. Just shake your door good before going outside! Good luck!

Hooray - glad I'm not the only one [2008-08-27]
I have read that scientist who have been studying this for years and years say the earth is actually on a cooling trend and we are headed on our way to an ice age. I'm not sure whether or not I think Gore believes what he is saying. I know he is receiving a lot of money to say what he is, so I think that is a huge factor. One thing that bothers me about his theory is that he will not listen to the scientist who know what they are talking about. He just cashes the checks he is receiving (from the people who are not studying this). Also, the last time the planet was in its warming phase was before the industrial revolution when there was no polution, automobiles, etc. So why do a lot of people believe that that is why they think our planet is warming. I do believe the planet warms and cools in its own time and this is not something that is only caused by polution. Also I understand the sun has none (or very little) sun spots (? - don't know if sun spots is the correct word), but the sun should have a ton of these spots and the scientist are trying to figure out why they don't. DH told me many planets are being affected and if global warming is being caused by human polution, how can there be global warming on other planets. Maybe there are little green men and they are poluting the other plants. :-) P.S. - how about those carbon credits????? What a joke.

Who REALLY knows? [2008-08-27]
As usual, there are conflicting opinions among those with experience and intellect enough to take an educated guess about global warming. The rest of us just hear tidbits and have no clue what's what. It's basically like rooting for whatever sports team you decide to support. I think being respectful to our planet is a good thing regardless.

kid in bathtub-is there any better sound in the world? [2008-08-27]
As I sit here and type, my little guy (who His whole life, he has always made these sweet sounds as he plays with his bath toys, just nonsensical, whimsical noises. I always thought that was the sweetest thing when he was a baby, but now, as a little man, he still does it. It When I point out to him how much I love it, he stops, so I Warms my heart, thought I'd share.

I can't say [2008-08-26]
from a mother's point of view what to do, since I'm not a mom yet. But I can tell you from the point of view of a little bratty bullying girl (ME!) that when I was younger and I bullied my brother and neighborhood kids, it took about three times of my dad getting a hold of me with the yard stick that I learned it didn't pay to be mean! Did I like it then? No. But i'm telling you, I thank my dad everyday now for whooping my behind when I needed it. Timeouts for me were jokes. If you took something away from me, I could care less. My dad also took me to counseling (I had a lot of problems with my stepmom and they figured it was my fault, not hers.) You may want to try a different psychologist. I got a bad vibe from my psych in the first meeting and I wouldnchildren should be seen and not heard types and I wouldn't answer any of her questions. I know we arenobnoxious the mother will bite or sometimes even kick the foal. With lions it's the same thing, they mother will swat a cub. I think deep down our primitive instincts demand a hierarchy in the home. Right now it seems like your son thinks he is at the top of that hierarchy, whereas he should be at the bottom. From this behavior of beating on his older brother, it is like he is trying to fight for that spot. The problem is, when he gets that spot, who's spot is he going to go for next? Like I said, I'm not a mother, but I just thought I would offer my advice from an ex-bully's point of view!

One of the worst punishments I remember [2008-08-26]
when we bickered as kids: We had to kiss each other. How about for every time he shows violence, kicks or hits or punches or slaps, he has to do something for that sibling he has assaulted? Make their bed, fix their lunch, do their chores, be their butler type thing. For the rest of the day.

Your son has ADHD, probably combined type along with opposition defiant disorder in a nutshell...sm [2008-08-26]
Been there for 14 years. Tantrums, fighting constantly with younger brother and sister to the point of injury, i.e. kicking, punching, slapping, throwing hammers, knifes, hard soled shoes, scissors, you name it. He is wonderful outside of the house. He is considered a very nice boy who is very well mannered and a hard worker (as he likes to do yardwork. That part of it is the ADHD at work). I knew something was wrong when he was about 1 1/2 years old and his sister came along and he started hitting her right away. Everyone from teachers to counselors told me it was all my fault and that my son had found a great way of manipulating me. That is...until the fourth grade when two weeks after school started a miraculous thing happened. His teacher called me in to say something was terribly wrong and that she suspected ADHD. I got the referral for testing with a pediatric neurologist and he was diagnosed with ADHD combined type (the hyperactive part), oppositional defiant disorder, and a learning disability. It has been a tortuous 14 years, I can tell you that. I have four more years to go and although I love my son more than words can say, at the age of 18 HE IS OUT THE DOOR!!!

While I agree that...sm [2008-08-26]
some ADHD children have difficulty in school, not all do. There are some who are extremely high achievers academically. My son, in particular, is not. He has struggled in school his whole life. He usually does not feel remorse for what he has done unless he has caused significant injury and then he usually blames it on something or someone else never ever, ever taking responsibility. He swears uncontrollably and calls his sister and brother all kinds of filthy swear names. Not all ADHD children are built the same. What may be for one child, may not be for the other. I had a girlfriend whose son was ADHD. He was mouthy, disrespectful, impulsive, and incredibly difficult to handle. However, he didnHey, they made me mad so they deserved it. It is kind of like a double whammy for parents of these kids. First, they hit, punch, slap, punch walls, etc., and then when you try to punish them, they get even worse. I, too, have tried spanking and the only time it ever seems to work is when I come unglued at my seams, but not necessarily getting physical with him. Everywhere we go as a family or just me and the kids is a battle to end all battles. There is excruciating fighting (fist fighting sometimes) in the car so bad that sometimes they shake the car all over the street, at the malls, fist fights in Wal-Mart (always with him as the instigator), fist fights at grocery stores, fighting and loud swearing at the beach or at someoneMom, love you. Like my husband, when he is good he is the best kid you would want to be around, but when he is bad look out. It is unlike anything you have seen before in any child ever created. Best of luck to you. You are certainly not alone.

Crafty Christmas [2008-08-25]
My family started doing Crafty Christmas (or Crappy Christmas as the men refer to it) last year. We still buy for the kids under 18 but everyone else exchanged home-made, less than $5 gifts. It turned out to be really fun and we are doing it again this year. It took a lot time and thoughtfulness but in my book that's a good thing. For example, I made my BIL a wreath made of toilet paper and my mom some muffins. Useful and funny when he opened the wreath. I started my list for this year right after xmas ended last year and have so many great ideas. For the first time in a very long time I am looking forward to xmas again like I did when I was a child.

I think too many people would not be able to wait until the day is over. LOL [2008-08-25]
That would be nice. Maybe on a board like this it would work, but in real life I don Too many people thrive on anger, confrontation, and oh how they do like to judge. I don Myfriends motherfor instance lives in the victim state. Everything is everyone elses fault. She never did anything but all her problems and situation is someone elses fault. The problems she hasare usually herkids fault. If she didn Itfault she had so many kids (she has 6), and its someone elsesfault she never finished college (which by the way her whole college tuition, books, room board, meals, clothes and I mean absolutely everything) was paid for in full and she would have not had to pay back anything (wish I had that opportunity). But after a year she decided to drop out and move away from her home town.Anyway...back to my thought...people just thrive on blame, hate and judgment (among other negative emotions). Reading the post the first thing that came to my mind was a movie I watched called Demolition Man starring Sandra Bullock and Sylvester Stallone, where he is put in cryostasis and comes out of it in the future and they all talk and end sentances with Happy Happy Joy Joy and everyone is overly polite to everyone. It's an amusing movie and I love it and that's what this reminded me of. So IMs. National Be Nice and Friendly Day I

PS: He really does need serious help. [2008-08-25]
Depression is a life-threatening illness, both for him (AND you, in this case.) 'Self-medicating' with alcohol is the worst possible thing he could be doing, because alcohol is a depressant. Antidepressant medication (and psychotherapy) would probably do wonders, but he get into a program to kick the alcohol, because you're not supposed to take alcohol and anti-depressants together. So, maybe the first talk to have (if you haven't had it already) is that he has two medical illnesses - depression and alcoholism - that are both life-threatening illnesses in their own right, and which need serious and immediate medical treatment.

temper, temper [2008-08-25]
I have the sweetest boy. He is 12. He is kind, thoughtful, funny, smart, and a joy to be around. Lurking underneath all that, though, is a temper that erupts violently. It is rare, which is good, but it is pretty intense. There are 2 things that I wanted to share with you. 1) After his last outburst, when he lost it and started punching his older brother over and over with every bit ofstrength he had (Scary to see, BTW!), I found out that the whole event was not as out of the blue as I had thought. He had expressed to me verbally a few times that certain things were bothering him, but I didn I felt terrible about that, because I didn I don 2) The thing I have tried to express to him about the violence is how quickly things can turn very serious. I told him that there are lots of people in prison who killed other people and are sorry that they did, but the only reason it happened is because they never learned to control their temper. In past years there have been a few instances in the news of brothers killing brothers - teens - over things as small as a pack of gum or a video game. I think that made him think a little harder about self-control and how important it is to practice it. I do believe in spanking, but I also believe that there are kids it does not work for. I

another idea [2008-08-24]
Actually according to top scientists the earth IS in a cooling age right now. He and other scientiest (many) say we're on our way to an ice age. Anyway...I have another recipe....So so simple and so good. 1 reg size package of cream cheese and one can of chile (with or without beans - your choice). Mix them and heat til hot and bubbly. MMMMMMMMMMM I can eat the whole thing by myself.

This is wonderful. [2008-08-24]
I forget the man ironically enough you can charge it on your card to purchase! So, kind of funny there! I checked out the book at the library instead, figured out what to do, and still have not gotten around to it. I need to get it all down on paper, and I However, he does put his own gas in the car and treats us for different odds and ends, fast food, movie night, day at the beach, you get the picture... The only problem I see with this is the way I get paid. I am an IC. I only have one online company that truly pays me on time. My other accounts I bill every other week but they don Also, the work fluctuates. So, I may make $1.400.00 a month with one account but if the docs go on vacation, that can bring it down to say $600.00 a month. So while your plan, I agree, is wonderful and yes it does work, and yes Ibudget wise income wise for me personally being an IC and having fluctuating work. I might add the online company I range anywhere from 14,000 to 20,000 lines a month given the work is there, I work from a pool; no line quotas, and no set schedule. So, I need to be on my toes to grab the work. I do have a lot of accounts to choose from, but when I go out twice a week to pick-up work, I am away from the computer, hence losing some of those jobs I could have grabbed. I check all day long until 11 p.m. to make sure I take all that I can. Sorry this is so long, but I think thatfloundering on this budget thing where I am never sure if Imy end of the budget every month. I don been doing it 20 years, and love it and love being at home with the kids (school age), but still...

Ouch - my husband had to come clean to me too sm [2008-08-24]
I was very upset. Physically sickened, the whole range of emotional distress. Then I realized that it wasn't just about him or about me, it was our family. The kids would really suffer. Believe me, it was no easy thing for him either. I had helped him get out of a sticky financial situation before, right after his divorce from his ex-wife. I thought everything was all good. I could not have been more wrong. So after the initial shock of it wore off, we sat down and discussed the situation. There were still tears of frustration, anger, and all of that from me but there were also some tears from him too, having taken it so far and keeping me in the dark. He knew exactly what he had risked but realized it a little too late to fix it on his own. He had no choice but to come clean. He was absolutely drowning in it but he decided it was better that I hear it from him, rather than having collection agencies start calling constantly. Your husband needs to hear it from you. Maybe if you printed these discussions and had him read through them it might ease it just a little. I wouldn't expect miracles but wouldn't you rather hear it from him if the tables were turned? Our marriage was pretty rocky before this happened too. It's still not the best but we are trying to make it work. Financial infidelity is probably as hard on a marriage as cheating. The deception and sneaking around -- trying to cover your tracks. You may not realize the exact depth of stress you are putting on yourself with trying to hide this. You said you love him. That's the biggest thing. The crud will only keep getting deeper until you start shoveling. Come clean with him and let him help you figure out what to do. Telling him the truth is going to be the hardest part. Good luck to you.

thanks for the advise, you say some very smart things - sm [2008-08-24]
though I am really not sure about the in person thing. I am serious about trying not to be killed in this, he has threatened to kill me before over some really stupid stuff (and we have a lot of guns in this house), and as this is a major thing, and he has been through this with me before....just before we married I was $12K in the hole. I paid it all off though within weeks of the wedding and we were debt-free for about 7 years (except for mortgage). He has told me before if he ever kills me, he will kill himself too....not that this is any solace to me as I really want to live. Generally he is full of hot air, but you never know what will send a person over the edge and I think this debt may be what does it for him. There are a number of extenuating circumstances that caused the debt, it was not me alone of course. He likes to spend as he pleases and I do try to stop him as much as I can but sometimes it is not possible (unless I drop the bomb of course), family illnesses, we did private school for a while too which did not help, and just got a new used car....which we owe his parent $10K for which I am paying them $500 a month for as well which is really putting a crimp on things...but he insisted we had to get rid of my reliable truck for better gas mileage....the new car has needed $800 in repairs so far in 4 months which is just wonderful. When I do drop the bomb, probably in the next month or so, I may try to farm the kids out to friends houses then give him a letter with all the dirty details and the possible solutions. I think having it all down in writing will help some. I know there will be tears on both sides, and my stress level will plummet once it is off my chest. I notice my skin problems act up when we are short on cash, then clear when we get a paycheck. I am sure my BP is jumping about and I cannot lose weight no matter how hard I try too, though I think that is a mechanism to keep him away from me as much as possible. Needless to say it is a total mess.

I realize this is a private matter, but [2008-08-24]
is there someone close to the both of you that could be present when you tell him. Ordinarily, I would recommend meeting him in a public place, but in this case, since it is a financial affair, I wouldn However, if there is someone you are both close to, perhaps you could have them present (even if only in the other room) while you tell him. Another possibility may be to discuss this with your in-laws first. Again, I wouldn Depending on their reaction, perhaps you could all sit down together and they could help you work this out. If all else fails, call your attorney and schedule a meeting where he will mediate. I would not tell this man alone in person. It doesna safe thing to do.