In your opinion, is there a benefit to forcing children to

Our children are grown, our only grandchild is due to be [2008-11-20]
born tomorrow and we all talked about it and this year we are only going to buy 1 gift per person (except for the new grandson). So, our budget will be very small this year and, for once, I am actually not stressing about Christmas.

Are anyone's children into the "Twighlight" craze? [2008-11-18]
The book series by Stephanie Meyers? It My 14 year old and her friends are absolutely crazy about the books and now that the movie is coming out itThe movie is out Friday and she already has presale tickets. I havenI have to say the movie lookslike it might be really good.

My opinion......s/m [2008-11-16]
It was ok to go to the funeral. But as it caused so much drama, I think it is better for you and your husband to cut contact with all of his ex's family.

We have grown children and paid up condo. SM [2008-11-13]
I think about advice I would give others. Getting any part-time job I could, delivering papers, selling Avon (people still buy Avon), renting room out in house. If elderly people near you, offer transportation or shopping service. One thing is, no matter what, no one should just sit around waiting for another job, be they male or female.

Yes, I did (and still do) want your opinion [2008-11-07]
Thank you for posting! I did not expect that everyone would agree with me. As an MT, I respect the thoughts and feelings of my fellow MTs and enjoy many of the discussions on this board, both those relating to the medical field and otherwise. I was really hoping for more of a response, from either side of the issue. There is a pill form (synthetic THC) called Marinol, but from what I understand it is not as effective and/or has adverse side effects (I know, smoking it has adverse side effects too). I have also heard about the possibility of vaporizing it rather than smoking it, but I don't know a lot about how that compares. There have been some studies done in regards to driver impairment issue and, to a degree, I believe that it has been found much safer than driving under the influence of alcohol. Apparently pot smokers tend to slow down and drive more carefully, whereas drunk folks oftentimes donto a degree, I believe there has been some delayed reaction or other adverse findings associated with a significantly high level in the blood. I know I have a lot more to say about this, but just realized I have to leave in four minutes to pick up my son and I am not ready to go, but thanks again for posting!

I have done that for both of my children and it works wonders... [2008-11-07]
nm

Mine is usually because I have my children with me! [2008-11-03]
nm

A mother's dream! My children are young so (sm) [2008-10-29]
right now they say sweet things, well at least my 8 year old does...lol. I only dream that when they are your daughter's age they will think that highly of me :-) Congratulations!

I think I have to ban my mom from seeing my children (sm) [2008-10-21]
She lives 500 miles from us and sees them about twice a year usually, but every single time, she says inappropriate things around them. I end up asking her to please not tell them things like that and she gets angry at me and barely says anything for the rest of her visit. Yet the next time she sees them, it is the same thing all over again. It is as if she doesn She talks about people who made her mad 30 years ago and what they did and she says it in a mean, angry voice and goes on and on. She talks about sexual things in front of them. She talks about ghosts and demons and how she has seen them and how the world is about to end, and on and on. Scaring them and also telling them things they shouldn She started talkingyesterday about my teenage nephew being propositioned by one of his friends who had decided he was gay....saying the boy asked him to take his clothes off and do something. My 8 year old daughter started crying and told my mom it made her feel weird to hear that kind of stuff and to please not tell her anything else like that. My daughter knows what gay is but she doesn Anyway, my mom went home last night but the kids are still asking once again about demons and ghosts and everything else. I love my mother but I am thinking from now on, I will go visit her by myself and not have her come here at all, and not let her see my kids until they are much older. Is this bad?

Thanks for your opinion. [2008-10-19]
Thankfully, it is not my kid I There are a couple of other very troubling things on her MySpace. I contacted my cousin and asked her if she had seen her daughter I gave her my daughter

For me it is not about gay/straight - it is about government taking too much control of our children [2008-10-16]
That is a really sore subject with me!! I want everyone to live their lives and teach their children as they see fit. As far as the gay/straight issue, I have taught my children who are 8 and 11 about homosexuality, about people being different, acceptance, not to be judgemental. I just have an issue when public school teachers want to use the school as a public forum for whatever reason. In school I remember a teacher who had strong political views and she taught us daily her way of thinking. I don't think that is fair. I think certain things should be reserved for parents to teach their children.

Today's children are tomorrow's leaders and [2008-10-16]
your future neighbors be closed-minded and intolerant of you? What if YOU had something about yourself that was [gasp!] 'different'? Would you want neighbors and community leaders who persecuted you and limited YOUR freedoms? Or would you want to be an equally-valued member of society?

My children lost their father when they were 8,4,3 [2008-10-13]
It is a very tough position to be put in as a parent. My advice for the adults is do not drag these children into what should be adult grief. Several members of my kids' father's family tried to do this to them. They are children and are resilient just the way God made them and thankfully for them! They have a right to live happily and without guilt because they are happy. I'm not saying your family will do this, but on top of everything else, it was hard to watch this being done to my children. I am very sorry for their loss and the loss to your family.

my opinion [2008-10-01]
My daughters are in their earlier 20s but incidents like this is still familiar. I have called parents and it just made it worse.The parents know what happened since the school called them. See what the school does first. Ask to have your son Yes you should have been called but at least they thought what the little girl did warranted a phone call home and did not ignore it. The school may be giving warnings to the parents of this little girl.

Well, while it is sad and probably very traumatic for these children (sm) [2008-09-21]
If the parent is distressed or feeling whatever they are feeling enough to literally take the child there and leave him or her, it is probably the best for the child. Sometimes out of the choices people have to make, none of the options are very good, unfortunately.

Last year I said same thing, Christmas is for children. SM [2008-09-18]
And I got clobbered on this board. Practically called un-Amreican. I believe Christmas is for children. Up to age 18. After that, perhaps a check is in order, but that's about it. As far as gifts for aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, postman, WHOMEVER, forget it. Bake cookies. Have a party and invite friends and neighbors. Say you are sending check to charity of choice and ask family and friends to do same. That is charity of their choice, since I know my family doesn't agree on anything. But presents? Presents most of the people would not even want? Forget it.

My life is full of love from my two children..... [2008-09-18]
nm

My opinion [2008-09-11]
I was in a very similar situation. I've realized over time that my spirit had been broken by that man and my children's spirits were broken as well. We divorced 10 years ago and it's been very difficult. My children have told me recently how glad they were we divorced. Children know what's going on and understand much more than we realize. Please see a lawyer and get your children and yourself into counseling. It won't be easy, but believe me, you'll never regret it. JMHO.

so hubby's a dork, but you/he love/care for your 3 children. [2008-09-10]
nm

I think you're terrible. Is this what you teach your children? [2008-09-10]
xx

Since I do not know you or your children, sm [2008-09-10]
I can not tell you the effects it will have on them--but, do not think for a minute they do not know about and cannot feel the stress and fear you are dealing with. For me, it was best for me and my children to have a peaceful, happy home than to live one more day like we had been. This is a personal choice and for us, I made the right one. Good luck to you.

what about your children? I know how hard [2008-09-08]
divorce is on children. I have the most beautiful children. They are well-behaved, respectful and happy. Do I trade my happiness for theirs??? Is that FAIR to them? My first step is I am going to separate our money. No more will I be subject to this. He is a poor money manager and I cannot deal with it anymore. I don't feel bad about doing that at all. But I do worry about the effects on the children. They are VERY STABLE AND THEIR LIVES ARE SO GOOD. I am not sure I can do that to them right now.

A "Lunch Ladies" opinion [2008-09-03]
I work in an elementary school in Ohio. With a lot of hard work we have pretty much removed junk food from our menus. Just today we served Chef Salads for one of our choices. The kids love them. As one first grader said My mouth is watering just looking at my salad!. We have a lot of freash fruit and vegetables too.Please let your school system know your concerns. There really is no reason to serve sodas and they should be removed. I do serve ice cream, but once or twice a week. We laugh sometimes when they call us their Lunch Teachers. When I ask why, they usually say because I teach them how to eat right. As far as the grandmother who brought home food from the kitchen, I hate to tell you but that is stealing!

I have 2 children in middle school (5th and 6th) grade. sm [2008-09-03]
They have 4 different lines they can choose from. They have the regular line; the Mexi/Itali line which has spaghetti, raviolis, tacos, etc, the sub line which has sub sandwiches, baked potatos and salads; and the the fast food line which has popcorn chicken, steak fingers, etc. They also offer sports drinks, ice cream, tea etc. Our school website is set up where I can view what they have for lunch on a daily basis and so if I see them making a bad choice, I can discuss it with them. Might want to suggest something like this to your school officials.

What is your opinion of this? [2008-09-02]
The scenario is...a husband and wife who are limited financially. The husband is between jobs but gets a small unemployment payment each week. The wife works every day. They are driving somewhere and stop to get gas in their car and she asks him how much he is going to put in. He says ten dollars. She hands him $20 and tells him not to just get $10, but to go ahead and put more in, then she thinks about it and hands him $10 more and says just go ahead and get $40, and maybe it will last us through the week. He goes to the pump and pumps in $30!! Because she was looking at the gas pump to see if he was about finished and ready to go, she sees that he only pumped in $30. When he gets in the car, he doesn't say anything to her about the amount he got, and as he starts to leave the station he notices that she is angry! He realizes why and starts to tell her that he decided to keep the $10 to put gas in HIS car at home a little bit later. She feels like he cheated her in some way by taking the 30 and using it, but saving his own 10 (no matter what the reason) because when they originally pulled up to the gas station, he was planning to use the 10 he had and nothing more, yet after she voluntarily offered him the 30, he didn't use his 10 at all, and didn't even tell her that he was going to do it that way. This has caused a really big fight between them that she says is rocking their marriage. They are at the point of not speaking to each other over this! What is your opinion about this story? btw, this isn it's a lady I talk to on another forum (some back ground information on him...he is notorious for getting 5 and 10 dollars worth of gas at a time, and having to keep stopping for gas many times because that much just doesna few dollars worth! She gets really upset with him for doing it this way and says that he should take the total amount that he will be getting in small increments and put that whole amount in at once. She says it will go further)

Everyone seems [2008-11-22]
pretty happy. It doesn't seem prurient. I've been in favor of other situations in which people are free to develop on an internal time clock rather than one imposed externally & in that regard there's probably something to this, but the siblings following the first probably got the idea to continue for a long time from watching, so there's definitely a bias there. Would be interesting for someone to design a study comparing long-time thumb-suckers with children weaned at a later age. This woman would probably say that the experience of breastfeeding can't be duplicated or substituted with a bottle or a plastic nipple because the emotional part of it would be lost. I don't know. I guess it depends on the family involved. I remember on Six Feet Under, how Lisa & Nate were letting Maya sleep in their bed until she decided she didn't want to any more. I think there's just a whole movement out there comprised of people with similar ideas, & until someone does a long-term study, I guess I'd have to say any suggestion that it's out-&-out wrong is just conjecture or has a cultural bias.

Oh my! I feel for you.. sm [2008-11-21]
Yes you are definitely depressed and with good reason. I don't know what to say. Can you find a cheaper place to live? Better yet, go move by your family. If you cannot afford it then go to your children and ask if you can stay with them a while while you save the money up to move. I would want to know if my mom was depressed and needed some help. You need to be around family. You don't need to live there alone with noone around for 50 miles. Go to family.

Help is a safety net you have paid for sm [2008-11-21]
Food stamps are a safety net we all pay for, all forms of public assistance are things we have been paying for all along. TAKE the help you need! Do move closer to family if you possibly can. I have been in your shoes myself. I lost my home to foreclosure 4 years ago because of having a near-fatal drug interaction and losing my job of nearly 7 years. I made a couple of moves and finally ended up in a small town out of state from where I had lived for 30 years. I lived with a close friend for about 9 months and had the opportunity to buy a mobile home for $3000. The people I bought it from said I could make payments and I was able to pay it off in 5 months. It needed a lot of work and it has gotten it, most of which I have done myself. This project really helped me to regain parts of myself I had lost. It gave me a reason to get up and get going on my days off. I turned this ugly old thing into a lovely, comfortable home I cherish. I have lost about 50-60 lbs since living here and I have brought the idea of vastly cutting expenses in line with making more money. The end result is that I am very well off financially, better than in my entire life. DO get medication to help you if you can. I didn't have medication to help because I am allergic to every psychotropic in existence. I did this by pulling myself up by the boot straps, but if I could have had help, I would have. There IS a brighter future out there. You CAN have that brighter future because you DESERVE IT. That said, no one expects you to get there alone!!! Don't be embarrassed to ask and receive help. You will be able to help others later. Years ago, when my kids were young, I was a single parent, no support and it was Christmas time. My kids didn't even have adequate clothing or food. A neighbor I hardly knew handed me a Christmas card. Inside was a $100 gift card to K-Mart. She said that many years before that, she had been in my shoes and someone had given her $100 one Christmas, she was now paying this forward to me. The only provision was that I return this favor when I could, and that I bought something for myself too because I deserve nice things for my hard work. It was a turning point for me. I have been more of a giver since. Although I could have paid this back last year, I didn't know anyone who would appropriately benefit. This year, I do and I had to tell her that I was going to do this and why. She cried and felt embarrassed because, she said, she was usually in the position to give and it hurt a little to receive. I reminded her that she was GIVING me the gift of giving with pleasure. Others are going to give to you with pleasure, love, friendship and concern for your well being. TAKE IT. One day you'll post back here about how good things are and I'll want to hear it.

Divorce [2008-11-21]
I divorced my first husband when my children were 1 and 3. He was a crack addict. It wasn't easy but it was the right decision for me. I would definitely suggest going to Al-Anon. I didn't make it there until quite a few after my divorce, but it helped me a great deal. Best of luck with your decision. Shelly

No I live in the boonies. In Nothingville. SM [2008-11-21]
I think he has had someone for so long and my mom took care of the bill paying and he never had to worry about bills or shopping or being alone. And now he can't deal with it. They divorced because he was cheating with another woman. I told him go be with her. I mean they are divorced now. If that is what he wants go get it. He said she has a 28 year old son and a 22 year old daughter with a baby who neither one work and lay around her house. He says how am I supposed to be with someone with that kind of mess. He said if I am with her I will basically have to take on her grown kids too. I said well that is her own fault she allows her grown children to be bums. It is just a dang mess. He got himself into it though. With his bills it is like he can't sit down and say hey I can't pay for 2 vehicles and I have to get rid of one and he has other multiple bills I won't even go into. But if he is struggling to pay for both let one go back. I told him go file bankruptcy if you are having really bad problems with finanes. He said I don't want to file bankruptcy. Oh no. I said well that or lose your stuff. I have tried to give him advice and help him but he won't listen. He is stubborn.

According to DH, our budget is $1,000 [2008-11-20]
But more likely I We have 3 kids. We usually get them 1 big gift to share and then round it out with smaller gifts. This year, they It The breakdown of the other $350: Parents $150, Grandma $25, Gift Exchange $60, Siblings (from my kids $20, Niece/nephew: $40, Teacher Gifts $30, Student Gifts: $15. The remaining $30 will go to Toys for Tots! Each of my kids like to pick out a $10 gift to put in. I have 3 siblings and 1 that My brother that Of course, my 2 unmarried siblings also buy small gifts for my children, so we always get them a little something from them -- usually lottery tickets or a gas card for Sheetz. $10 used to fill We do our exchange party on Christmas Eve. It keeps the kids entertained and gives them a little preview of what I have to say I enjoy Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day. It Teacher gifts kill me. It I usually go for a coffee mug with a Christmas scene or teacher saying on it and fill it with candy. Of course, DH thinks I do all this for Christmas for $1000, but why tell him and spoil it? We do a Christmas Club for $1000 every year and I just buy the other stuff here and there. We already got our Christmas gifts for ourselves -- a 46-inch LCD TV for DHand a Dooney Bourke purse with matching wallet for me. Now you all got me excited again about shopping next week. I I always wait until the day before Thanksgiving to do that so I know I won For those of you below who posted that you don Let me just say that I don I sometimes snag a deal or 2, but I learned a long time ago not to wait until Black Friday to get the most sought after items. Best to get them in Sept or Oct.

For my fellow Black Friday shoppers, a little tip [2008-11-20]
Don I know they may seem like a great deal, but usually those items are only $20 to $50 less than they normally would be. The aggravation of trying to get it isn I generally go for the smaller deals -- like the cool PJs on sale and the board games or DVDs on sale. These are great sales. One year, I got 3 Fisher Price/Hasbro games for my 5-year-old for $3 each. DVDs were only $5 each. There were3-piece fleece PJs for $9. These are best deals in my opinion. I Then I spent the next month trying to find one anywhere for my kid for Christmas. I go out early on Black Friday for the excitement and some bargains, but never the big ticket stuff. I have that bought before then and stored away safe and sound. To me, it's like tailgating -- the thing that gets me into the spirit of the season!

My husband is oblivious to our finances [2008-11-20]
Sometimes that It sounds like maybe your husband is too proud to tell his family that he can I I would suggest talking to the leader of his family, the person who hosts the get-togethers, and let them know that you do the finances and you just don It doesn I would certainly let your husband know that you are going to say something beforehand, but he doesn I For birthdays, we take the time to call and wish that person a happy birthday. We don My brother lives about 2 hours away, so we don Unless his family is loaded, I'm sure they'll understand. As for the glasses, I just took my son for new glasses yesterday. The eye doctor said he needs a new prescription, but I asked if just the lenses could be replaced and the frames reused. He said absolutely. Our insurance covers new frames, lenses and the exam, but my son has a tendency to break things at the most inopportune time. We just bought him these glasses in June because he broke them and according to the insurance, it wasn Now that he is eligible for everything new, we asked for just the lenses. If he breaks his frames later in the year, we can just get new frames (covered by insurance) and pop the lenses in. The only problem there would be is they discontinue his frames because the new lenses probably wouldn So, something to consider here is, if your stepchild needs a new prescription and already has glasses, then I would check with your lawyer to see if you can just buy new lenses for the current frames. The frames are what normally cost the most anyway.

I think about it a lot but different situation (sm) [2008-11-20]
My two children are almost the exact ages of yours. My husband doesn't have the drinking issue but has plenty of personality issues. I think you absolutely should leave, no ifs, ands or buts. I just think being in that environment is awful for your kids, he is saying it is not going to work anyway and talking about ending the marriage. I say if he doesn't change then yes, go, without a doubt.

I've been there [2008-11-20]
I have been in your shoes. Last year my husband died unexpectedly at age 56, I literally woke up one morning and he was dead in our bed next to me (aneurysm). That started a downhill spiral . . . . since then I I canhow depressed III am working now and starting to pull myself up out of the dark hole I've been in. The poster above is right. You need to see a doctor. I found out that most major health systems have programs for those of us with no insurance and no money. Call their financial offices and just tell them point blank you need to be seen and you have no insurance. They will not refuse you. I found a clinic near my house that is part of a largehospital. I was able to see a doctor for a physicalandget my annual Pap and mammogram done at no charge. They gave me samples of my medications (I have asthma) for a few months until I had insurance again. They prescribed an antidepressant which worked wonders and they gave me that as samples each month. Move closer to your family. You My family has been supportive of all the decisions I Spend time with yourgrandchild, kids can make you feel so much better.If you I did. I didn Forjust myselfI was given 174.00 a month for food and it helped outtremendously. I know it You may be hesitant to take free medical care or ask for food benefits, but remember THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY and you will get back on your feet. It may take a while, but you will make it. Good luck to you.

haven't been there [2008-11-20]
but just wanted to wish you well. It sounds like you are making the right decision. My husband's father is an alcoholic and from what I have heard (we have talked about it a lot) it is not pleasant for kids. You are making the right decision for them. My MIL did not do the same for her kids but my husband still wishes she had. His father is still an alcoholic and now we face the difficult decision with his influence on our children. We make the tough decisions that we feel are best for our kids. It's our job as parents and we know it is the right thing to do, despite what others within the family may say, namely the alcoholic FIL and MIL who still stands by his side and takes the abuse. Good luck. It will all work out in time.

How about ideas for siblings and their families? Here's one [2008-11-19]
I have three siblings, with spouses and children. Not only is it expensive to buy for all of them, but it Last year I went to a craft store and bought cheap baskets on sale. I bought each of them a 2-month subscription to the movies that you get through the mail,NetFlix (can do Blockbuster if you want). I put the gift certificate in the basket along with the big boxes of candy that they sell at the show (.99 cents apiece at Walgreens), a few packets of microwave popcorn, and a 6-pack of their favorite soda. They loved it and everybody enjoyed the movies over the next couple of cold winter months. You can purchase the movie gift certificates on line at their website.

Wow! sm [2008-11-19]
INo men or children allowed on Black Friday. :) Black Friday is also my favorite holiday. Good luck fellow shopper!

How much do you spend on Christmas gifts? [2008-11-19]
Is it the same budget every year, or with the economy the way it is will you cut back? If you have small children, do you spend more than on others? Just curious to see what people do moneywise.

I'm in Delaware... [2008-11-18]
but I go usually twice a week. I don I like to buy it, cook it, and move it out, so I can go back and buy fresh. I have 3 grocery stores right within 5 miles to choose from and just got a Super WalMart, but prefer the smaller grocery stores. But, if I bring DH, we spend more. He likes to try different marinades and spices that can get costly, but we do use them. I tend to be more frugal than my DH. But, then again, that's just me. Oh, we have two school-aged children that eat plenty of anything you put in front of them. So, not much goes to waste. I was taught to cook enough to feed an Army so we usually have plenty of leftovers that I can also fool with for another meal, i.e., leftover meatloaf becomes meat for spaghetti sauce. Mashed potatoes become fried potatoe pancakes in the pan for a great side dish. I also by those Pillsbury french loafs in the can and make my own strombolis out of leftover taco meat or even just lunch meat. My Mom taught me a lot about making food serve multiple purposes. We eat out very rarely although there is plenty to choose from, but it I guess I'm lucky there..

apologies [2008-11-16]
I just wanted someone When I was young and stupid I broke someone We were best friends. I have been thinking about this person a lot lately. They moved on to get married and have a family, so that is great. I recently sent a letter saying howsorry I am for being so terrible and asked for forgiveness. I did not give my number or put a return address on the envelope becuase I did not want anyone to think I was wanting a reunion or anything. I just really wanted toapologize and maybe get some sort of closure. Do you think there is a statute of limitations on saying I'm sorry and asking for forgiveness?

I say forgive, of course, but forget, NO WAY......sm [2008-11-16]
To be a true friend and truly care for someone, you first have to respect them and honor their dignity....how can care for anyone, friend, lover, or whatever, if you cannot be TRUTHFUL? How can you say you respect someone whiile blatantly lying to them? As a Christian and hopefully good person, I belive we always have to forgive, but to forget as if nothing had happened, that is impossible, I would think. She betrayed you by lying, not by seeing your ex, that is HER problem if she wants a second-hand loser, but friendship is a sacred bond, I am sure you can forge some newer, better friendships, can you ever feel any confidence in this woman again? Just my firm opinion, I had this done to me many years ago when very young, and although we tried, the friendship was never the same, for obvious reasons. God bless in your decision!

I agree with you [2008-11-15]
Santa is a fun fantasy for children and what is the harm in a character who gives gifts to children who behave. There are far worse things for a child to believe in!

Blondie, have read your posts before sm.. [2008-11-15]
You sound like a very good person, very caring. I was in the same situation once with a neighbor's dog. He would go to Canada hunting and just leave his dog tied to a dog house in mid-winter in New England and I would take her into my home, feed her, keep her warm and all. This neighbor today I can say with full confidence was borderline-retarded without a doubt. I am so glad I did this. I even at one time went to the dog pound and claimed this dog who had gotten loose and said it was my own. I could not let this poor dog suffer because of its owner. All I can say is do what is in your heart, it may cost you a few dollars more but think of it is abandoned children and you are there for them. Take a good look at this guy and truly ask yourself is he is capable of the love and caring you have in your heart. I know times are tough, but perhaps you are the one who is meant to save these poor animals. Sounds like this guy is either not the sharpest tool in the shed or something else wrong with him. Does he have enough money for beer or etc., and not his dogs? Then he doesn't deserve them! Think hard about the dogs and what would happen to them if it were not for you. You are a very nice person. I hope you find an answer. As for your husband, only you can answer that question. I think he should at least stick up for you and address his dumb friend as to what his responsibility is in the situation. Good luck, Blondie, you are a sweetheart to put up with all this, and I am sure the dogs are in a better place with you. Do you have an SPCA or someone who could help with the food? Perhaps online you can find a way to make your own food suitable for dogs at a reasonable price. May God be with you. Perhaps you are meant to care for dogs in some way that would be beneficial to you in other ways. God bless you for caring.

I think it's a shame s/m [2008-11-14]
to deprive children of the traditional Santa Claus. Heck, I still believe in Santa Claus myself. It is a spirit that lives within the hearts of old and young. Kids eventually figure out for themselves that Santa is a fantasy. We took our kids to our church We opened gifts when we came home. There was no lying involved and their personalities were not warped either.

a kid's point of view ...sm [2008-11-14]
I just had conversation with a fellow Sunday School teacher about what GIFTS would be good to give this kids this Christmas. At one point this gal asked her son (12 yrs. old) if he had any ideas what the kids would like to get. His response gee, mom, I thought Christmas was about GIVING, not getting. Out of the mouth of babes, right? !! Maybe it Bet your children are just glad to have a good mom !!

I do pity you...sm [2008-11-13]
It sucks when you have a parent who has chosen to put other things/people before their children. I donjob and not coming home to see his family for long periods of time. So you kind of feel like why should I feel guilty when he didn't? It is up to you if you want to see him more than the holidays and b-days. My dad has chosen another family over his family. I am 31 years old and my parents divorced this year because my dad was running around. Well according to bank statements he is paying not only the woman's bills but is paying her daughter's car note and her son's electric bill, etc. Anything they want they got it. This woman's kids are in their 20s. I have to work to pay my car note and I am his own daughter. Which I realize it isn't his place anyways. But it is the principal. He has NEVER payed anything for me and I mean NOTHING. He has never given me money at all. My mom has helped me when I needed it but not him. But yet he can give them anything. He doesn't know I have seen those bank statements so he doesn't know what I know. It kind of makes it hard to want to be around him when I know what he does for them and has never done for me or my sister. I kind of know where you are coming from in that I don't specifically care to be around my dad either and sometimes I feel guilty about it. But then again does he feel guilty for what he is doing? Apparently not.

Slightly different perspective. [2008-11-13]
So maybe I shouldn't post about this since I have not exactly been in your shoes but I think possibly I can lend a help perspective. I lost my father to cancer when I was 19. My FIL is an alcoholic. No I didn't grow up in a divorced family or without a father through my childhood and no I haven't experienced my father being an alcoholic. What I feel I can tell you is there is such a thing as being too late to say the things you wanted to say, good or bad. If it does come to that, you will never let it go. He is still your father regardless of the choices he has made in his life. You only have 1 father. After seeing my FIL, I believe alcoholism is an illness. Sure people can fight it and get help if they wan, but it takes a very, very strong person to overcome it and it is a constant battle. From the sounds of your post it seems as though you have some things you need to get off of your chest. Whether that means sitting down and talking to him or putting the past in the past and moving on with any kind of relationship - I think only you can figure that out. Even a relationship that is only on holidays and important events is still a relationship. Who knows, maybe talking to your mom would help her as much as it might help you. It certainly can't be a short conversation, it needs to be thorough to get through the surface feelings and to the nitty gritty. Maybe, just maybe, your mom could shed some light for you on why she has been able to forget the past to a certain extent and move on. If nothing else, this might make you and your mom even closer and it sounds like no one else (professional or otherwise) would understand better than her. With my FIL, we do not stay when he is drunk or starts drinking. The entire family knows we pack up and leave, regardless of the situation. It hurts his feelings sometimes I can tell, but he knows the circumstances and we have small children that we will not subject to that. It was difficult at first but over the years it is just the way it is and no one says a word anymore and respects where we are coming from.

A little off topic, but [2008-11-13]
I was out to lunch one day with my DH and on my way home I came upon a crash that had just happened at an intersection...one of the drivers was a young girl (she happened to go to the same HS as my DD). The other driver was a 30-something mother of 2 or 3. The young girl had run a red light and T-boned the other car. The mother was instantly killed in the crash, with 2 of her children in the car with her. When the teen girl got out of her car...yep, she was on the phone...! And obviously she was not calling 911! So sad...my DD said this girl went off the wall after this accident.

Been there done that [2008-11-13]
If you haven't already, read books about Adult Children of Alcoholics. My dad was a serious alcoholic who managed to hold down 2 full time jobs. He was either coming home drunk in the middle of the night and waking up everyone fighting with my mother, or when he would have a day off, he was an awesome fun Dad. He never drank at home or in front of us. So it was very confusing. Fast forward many years, at 63 he was diagnosed with cirrhosis and bleeding ulcers and had an emergency subtotal gastrectomy because he almost died. From there on, he stopped drinking because he had to, not because he wanted too. He died less than 3 years later. He lived with me for the last 2 years and I took care of him, and we became very close. It didn't erase all the bad stuff, but I was at peace when he died. I would try to make amends with your Dad now and let go of the past, because to put it bluntly you are a big girl now and you can't be angry about your childhood forever. It is not healthy.