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I would start charging the JA for room and board - sm [2008-11-16]
If he is so lazy he wonfriend, and tell him the gravy train has stopped and he needs (1) to either take the dogs and take care of them himself, (2) start paying you $200 a week to feed and board the dogs (a bargin)--and if he fails to pay the dogs go to a no-kill shelter (and stick to it), (3) in the future if he does take the dogs back, that he has to find other arrangements for their room and board whenever he is away, unless he pays you in advance with cash and supplies the food.-- yeah he will think you are a shrew but who cares, I'd be so mad at both of them, DH for not understanding and being a wuss for not talking to his friend, and the friend for being the typical male and taking advantage of a good thing. Good luck, and stick it to them!
Go under Internet Properties, Privacy, Sites and you can block any websites you want from there [2008-11-11]
nm
need a good free internet adult website/content [2008-11-10]
my NINE year old was looking at po rn on You Tube today. I walked in on him watching something totally adult. He said he clicked on something and when it came up it was that...i believed him but later on when I looked at the history there were 5 different adult videos he had viewed!!!!! how should I approach this??
I need room under the rock, I didn't know either. [2008-10-20]
no msg
my sin. here we go.. is there enough room? [2008-10-16]
I lie, I covet, I am jealous, I sometimes swear when I am alone, I have stolen when I was younger, I have anger and lash out, I am moody, I am materialistic, I feel hatred sometimes, I have used God I am a sinner.
But thankfully for me, what separates me from my sin is Jesus and his death. Since I took his gift of salvation, I am free of my sin. I can be forgiven, it doesnt all stay on top of me. I will be sinless when I stand before God. So everyone sins and telling someone they have sinned is not being judgmental because you are also a sinner. Being judgmental would be pointing out someone As Christians we are supposed to tell others about God and what he expects, his love, his rules and all of that. You dont just preach a message of love and tolerance or you are only giving half the story. There is no accountability in that.
Thanks, but it's easy when you work via internet (no more C-phone or Dictaphone) AND sm [2008-10-08]
you have Google (so I sold most of my books on line!). I find it very, very easy to stay neat with all that excess gone.......If you look real close you can probably see the layers of dust, though! haha
Pogo.com has free games with chat rooms - nm [2008-09-19]
xx
Looks like Comcast starts monitoring internet usage in October. Has anyone here ever been [2008-09-13]
contacted about excessive usage from Comcast.
Actually I guess all the internet companies are going to be doing the same thing. nm [2008-09-13]
:
Internet usage [2008-09-13]
From what I have read, their policy relates to donwloads, says it is equal to downloading 4 full-length videos per day before it is consideredexcessive usage. I asked my employer about it and was told it would not affect us as all we do is exchange info with our servers. So unless you do a lot of actual dowloading, it should have no effect.
Anybody see the new thing now that internet companies including Comcast are going to monitor monthly [2008-08-30]
internet usage.
When I came out to the room they [2008-08-25]
were in, the 8-year-old was mouthing off the 11-year-old. I said That He continued to mouth and my 11-year-old stopped. He then called his 11-year-old brother A big fat wussy. I told him again to stop or he would be on timeout. My 11-year-old was walking away. My 8-year-old then started after him and pushed him as hard as he could. He
I don But when I said to stop, it should have stopped. My 8-year-old refused to stop. He then escalated it to something physical, which is why he ended up on the chair. I They know that I will stop it and the one doing the picking will be punished.
I try very hard to dole out my punishments evenly, but in this case, he should have stopped when I told him to. I gave him 2 chances to stop and he still didn The pain he inflicted on my 11-year-old was enough punishment. He left a large red area on his thigh and up the side of his back from being pushed into the wall/table and landing on the floor.
i find my internet security [2008-08-13]
and such too valuable to rely on free anything. i use Nortons Security Pkg and you can find brand new ones on ebay very reasonable.
I keep mine in the laundry room also [2008-07-25]
I also have a fat kitty who LOVES to get in there and pretend he's at the beach. I keep a tiny dustpan and broom in there and probably sweep 3 times a day. Sometimes there will be a huge pile of cat litter. Considering he's an indoor kitty and can't seem to find anything else to do, I just let him be and ask him if he had fun!
Talking over the internet [2008-05-30]
I would Google Magic Jack and Skype. Those are 2 that I know of. Magic Jack is easy to install on your computer and costs either $39.95 or $19.95 PER YEAR. I believe skype is free. I have a couple friends that use Magic Jack and love it.
Talking over the Internet [2008-05-29]
My daughter I Does anyone know anything about this? Thanks!
Do you have a friend who has room in their freezer to help you out? nm [2008-04-27]
.
no room for logic when you are brainwashed. [2008-04-17]
x
over the internet, in a chat room [2008-04-08]
let's just say after we met he grew on me...
Internet Chat Room.... [2008-04-08]
It was actually the screen name that initially caught my attention. It was the name of one of my favorite albums from a guitarist I admire. And the rest, as they say, is history
The internet is such a wonderful resource... [2008-04-07]
http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/elephantpainting.asp
I did notice that but I hate to put my SS number on the internet. I know they said it is secure but [2008-03-29]
how secure is anything. Ijust wondered if anyone could give me an idea of the length of time it takes. Thanks.
tougher? why? so we can leave less room for the real criminals [2008-03-19]
in jail? yes, let's put all the garden tools in jail and let the child molesters and rapists run free. Great idea.
That was not called for. She copied this from an internet site, she did not write it. nm [2008-02-19]
nm
It's not like this is a support group. It's a chat board. nm [2008-02-15]
deal
OMG! I did the same thing. I have a picture..sm [2008-11-21]
I My kids were younger so the dollar store was great! Seriously, my living room was full! It For little kids that was easy. But now they I miss those days of buying from the dollar store and filling the living room. Now, theyonly get 1 or 2 presents and I hate it. It makes me cry every year. I'll look for that picture on my break and try to upload it.
At certain stores in MI, s/m [2008-11-18]
They will double coupons up to $1. I do this a lot with toothpaste and stockpile it. A lot of times it is 2/$4 or 2/$5, so I either get it free or for 50 cents a tube. A lot of the $1 coupons are for new items and our local store here is pretty good about having those on sale a lot during the first few weeks it is out to promote it, so I get the new things relatively cheap as well. You just have to be careful about not getting things just because you have a coupon.
When I coupon shop, it can take me 3 hours because I compare all the prices with brands to coupons, etc. You also have to really know your prices as compared to other stores. I have one store where I get my meat and I don Where they double the $1 coupon, I don I'm really careful about it and belong to an internet sites to help me as well.
I would start charging the JA for room and board - sm [2008-11-16]
If he is so lazy he wonfriend, and tell him the gravy train has stopped and he needs (1) to either take the dogs and take care of them himself, (2) start paying you $200 a week to feed and board the dogs (a bargin)--and if he fails to pay the dogs go to a no-kill shelter (and stick to it), (3) in the future if he does take the dogs back, that he has to find other arrangements for their room and board whenever he is away, unless he pays you in advance with cash and supplies the food.-- yeah he will think you are a shrew but who cares, I'd be so mad at both of them, DH for not understanding and being a wuss for not talking to his friend, and the friend for being the typical male and taking advantage of a good thing. Good luck, and stick it to them!
Hi, not just the ads here, although I do think that of all places,,,,sm [2008-11-15]
an MT forum and networking site should be more representative of what actually takes place in this field. There are ads on the internet, TV, magazines, just about everywhere. I think they should tone down the rhetoric quite a bit, and stop using hopeful young woman/moms as THEIR meal ticket with mostly UNREALISTIC and misleading guarantees! Really gripes me! Thanks for responding!
Before you push the panic button sm [2008-11-14]
This is a recession, quite possibly the mother of all recessions. It may turn into a depression, but it will run a very distant second to the Great Depression, IF it does.
Pre the GP (Great Depression) you several things going on that are NOT true today. We had come out of WWI not that long before. It had been a very bloody war, the first war with mechanized destruction. What the Doughboys witnessed was for them what we saw on 09/11...unimaginable death and destruction. It changed how they viewed America.
When these boys came home from the war, they came back to the farm, by and large. We were an agrarian country and with the exception of east coast, there were hardly any factory jobs and most people worked the land. Plenty of places all over the country people worked on shares and they were not all in the deep south and they were not all black. There was not nearly the land/home ownership that there is today. Most of these dirt farmers lived in poverty and barely scraped by enough to eat twice a day. When the great Dust Bowl came through Oklahoma, it took the enormous clouds of dust eastward and dumped it into the Atlantic Ocean. This was a man-made disaster and the story of the Joads in the Grapes of Wrath centers on the Dust Bowl and the farming habits of families, like the Joads caused them problems. It was their fault that the top soil blew across FDR's desk in the Oval Office.
There was no infrastructure to speak of, in those days. There were roadways, but not the spider web of paved roads there are today. Goods were carried on the rails, not over the roads. You didnin town and the Sears-Roebuck catalog. If you couldn't find it there or could not afford it you either cobbled something together or did without. You can look the Coal Miner's Daughter about being so low-down dirt poor it is unbelievable. That movie is quite cleaned up and Hollywood presentable. You could look at the sparse surroundings of the ranch house in Broke Back Mountain where Ennis goes after Jack dies, and while the time frame is more modern, the very plain, only the very basics of life appear in that ranch house. They are both a bit sanitized, but reasonably realistic.
Today, Americans live extraordinarily different lives than we did 80 years ago. Most people have a vehicle. Most people have more than a dirt floor shack to live in. We, have thanks to the Great Depression and FDR's recovery plan, electricity, roads, water, sewage and other sanitation. We take these things for granted, but we should not. The GP did bring some food shortages, not because of the depression, but because of the lack of infrastructure combined with people on the move to find work to subsist. The food shortages you are thinking of came with WWII and rationing...another problem secondary to lack of infrastructure and subsistence farming where there was not enough food produced to meet the need.
If you are going to stock up on food, let be for more common sense reasons. If you put your money in the bank, you will make 2% or 3% return on $500. If you put that same amount into nonperishable food (think canned goods), you make a better return on an investment. You don't earn 2% or 3%, but you can end up leveraging against future price increases that will meet and exceed what interest you make from a bank, which is nothing right now. You will need food whether you buy it now or buy it later. Squirreling away extra under the bed or whatever place you can find room, is a wise investment...financially and in peace of mind.
But in this case ... [2008-11-13]
My dog didn't want anything to do with the technician. If he came in the room, my dog growled and kept backing away from him. I will admit it was kinda neat looking to see the hair standing up on his back.
We have grown children and paid up condo. SM [2008-11-13]
I think about advice I would give others. Getting any part-time job I could, delivering papers, selling Avon (people still buy Avon), renting room out in house. If elderly people near you, offer transportation or shopping service. One thing is, no matter what, no one should just sit around waiting for another job, be they male or female.
There are no jobs where I am sm [2008-11-13]
I had thought of working part-time in a mall to get the discount, do some Christmas shopping, get out to see people, only a few days here and there. Our newspaper used to have at least 3-4 full pages, 7-8 on the week-end, down to 1 column on weekdays, 2 on weekends. Most are heavy lifting jobs for men and/or must speak Spanish, especially if medical. So I buy extra at every sale, extra everything, use coupons, got 30% off from Kohlnice dress with atoy inside.The only thing is I am getting depressed from clutter, too much stuff all over but have to remind myself some have nothing. We do not go out to eat except perhaps soup in a sour bread bowl on special just every other week or at a Panera Bread just to say we went out, bought video movies for a dollar at church bazaars (all Disney) for grandkids, using our VCR which will be obsolete soon but can still watch movies on old TVCutting back in general, baking bread, baking cookies, really clipping and saving everything I can get my hands on. Walmart does not accept internet coupons, so check the newspaper. I do read labels on food from Walmart as some is from China.Joined a wholesale club but found it more expensive than most stores, so we can get our money back, refundin 3 months so they tell us. I really wish I had been more frugal when I made decent money at MT, I can now see I was wasteful and shame on me! I should know better, have been through recessions before. They do turn around and the only good thing is they give us a swift kick in the rear! Feel sorry for those who can barely make it, work is hard to come by in New England and a lot are losing their jobs, even teachers with over 20 years. No one knows when the next shoe will fall, even malls are failing. I am leaving all tags on gifts this year, usually cut them off, but with so many people returning things for the money, they said itand even though I get gift receipts, I want them to see where it came from so the store won't give them grief. Target is the worst for returns. So that's my story here in cold, sleeting today, NE.
You know how they say dogs sometimes can sense things about people? [2008-11-12]
We had that ATT U-verse stuff installed in October and three installers came to the house. Not a single problem with the dogs. (We still had LouLou at the time.) They sniffed the installers and then let them go on about their business. The one installer was at our house for 12 hours.
On Saturday, two ATT techs came over to fix the computer. Again, not a single problem with Duke. He sniffed them out and didn't bother them for the rest of the time.
On Sunday, the ATT tech who came over called to say he was on his way. He said he was somewhat spooked by dogs and he just wanted to make sure we had a friendly one. I assured him Duke wouldn't bother him.
Duke didn't care for that man in the slightest. He growled at him and the hair stood up on his back. Every time the man came in the room, Duke reacted the same way and would back away from him.
I wonder what it was about him that Duke didn't like?
One thing I forgot to add was that - sm [2008-11-11]
a big part of the problem is owners who don't neuter their male dogs. Most of the attacks on the news in my area seem to involve un-altered males. The dog that had me cornered was also an un-altered male.
There was a really horrible attack in San Francisco a couple years ago... a 12-year-old boy was killed in his own home by the family's pet pitbulls. (Un-altered males). Apparently there was already a problem with them, and the mother knew the dogs couldn't be trusted with her son (who was afraid of them) home alone. A female she had was in heat at the time, too. The boy was home alone, and the mother had locked the dogs in another room. Somehow, they got out, and tore the poor boy to shreds. Imagine being the mom and coming home to that! When animal control picked up the dogs, they had the boy's blood all over them. I actually recognized one of them - had seen someone walking it through the park one day. So the problem was... even though the mother knew the dogs might be dangerous, and she tried to do the right thing by locking them up, on that particular day, that wasn't enough.
Granted, they don't all act like that. Plus just about any breed can revert to a predatory pack mentality under the right conditions. But again, irresponsible breeding has changed the breed in large part for the worse (they're bigger and more aggressive). Unresponsible owners who don't properly socialize the dogs (or who fight them, or encourage them to be aggressive for 'protection') are the worst offenders. And those who are backyard breeders. Now there are 'way too many of them, and 'way too many with the bad bloodlines, too.
And you won't believe THIS: Remember the story about the huge Presa Canario dogs that killed a woman in a San Francisco apartment hallway? (Earning their owners some well-deserved jail-time). Well, some people are actually crossing pits and Presas! Saw some for sale the other day on Craigslist. Talk about breeding 'biting machines'! Those things will grow up to be 150-lb. pitbulls-on-steroids.
I was always taught the same sm [2008-11-11]
It is the thought that counts but I just could not justify that last Christmas.
My MIL (who I get along with great) collects a particular item (she has well over 100) and gives me and my SIL one every Christmas. At Thanksgiving I politely told her I just didn't have the room for anymore. I also told my SIL that if given the chance please tell her mother I don't want another one. She just laughed and said I don't think that is what she is going to get you. Even SIL agrees her mother's collection is way out of hand.
When I opened my gift from her it was of course this particular item I did not want. Her exact words were I know you said you didn I did thank her but I assure you it was not the most sincere thank you.
I think this year for Christmas I will give her a bottle of wine and say I know you don LOL!
Perhaps did not explain sm [2008-11-11]
We have youth programs where a member of the department will come and talk tokids about the dangers of the internet. You know they never listen to parents, and you donbeing directed there.Perhaps some don't know the horrible crimes that come out of youths being lured by porn and the sooner it's dealt with, the better. I don't mean to have the police come in uniform with sirens and lights blaring. There are simple solutions to this problem and I am all for putting away these slime balls, some of them are judges, ministers, etc., so-called trustworthy people hurting our youths. Perhaps I misspoke but you may have read more into it. It's a common problem we all share and it could end up with a dead or kidnapped kid. I'd rather get tough early and save a life. Overreacted, maybe! I would never roll on the floor laughing about it but then again, we're all different.
You could have been sick or dead [2008-11-11]
in your room for all they knew. wonder what they would have told investigators? The next time they make plans, don't go, tell em you got a ham operator to send out a morse code message, didn't they get it?
Yeah they say nuetering helps...sm [2008-11-11]
Mine is so sweet I haven't even nuetered him. But there have been some offers to breed him to females and because he is such a wonderful dog I would like to keep his bloodline going with other family pets who are inside family dogs.
Now I can tell you if the dogs were bullying my child such as the ones in San Francisco they would no longer be inside and would probably be kept in some kind of kennel. I would not even trust them to stay in the yard. They would have been under lock and key. I know personally that you can't keep a pit bull locked in a room and expect that he won't get out. I tried that when I left my house because I didn't want him to be free roaming around the house because he is nosy and may get into something or chew something. Well he tore the door down and got out. I was so mad. But I learned that you can't keep them in a room and believe they can't get out. He was about a little less than a year then but now he is so good and don't get into things when I leave him. I guess the puppy in him made him do it. But I cannot express enough that mother should have never kept those pits in the house if there was the slightest problem with her son. Those must have been some mean pits. This irresponsible breeding makes me so mad. I don't want my dog to be some mean killing machine. I want a sweet baby. That is why I thought I would never own a pit but he was such a sweetheart as a pup. He was and still is real laid back.
Considering my circumstances I am looking - sm [2008-11-11]
forward to the holidays. I'm the one with the mega debt who confessed to her DH a month ago, etc. We will have his debts paid off in full in about 10 days. I still have quite a mess though. We sold back 2 weeks of his vacation time (lucky for us his work allows you to do this) and half of that is paying for Christmas, the rest is being banked in our savings account which needs restoking (used to have $5K in it but only $200 now). We are taking a night and going to the beach to see the lights (free hotel stay due to his travel points) and a nice dinner-- all of this is his idea too--, and he suggested I go up (with the kids of course) and spend New Years with my friends/family up in PA so I am surprised about that. He is going to try to come too for a day or two to have a late Christmas with my family as well. Things are all roses, but considering everything I am looking forward to seeing my dad and one of my brothers, the other is in England and his family is going there to spend Christmas with him in Ireland with his wife's family there. But DH is trying really hard, he even bought me a dozen roses on my birthday a couple days ago and a really nice card, I couldn't have been more surprised....normally I get nada, not even a card. Granted my daughter told him to get me flowers, but still, he went over the top. But I digress as usual....everyone just needs to stay within what they can afford, we are cutting back some of course, but I have a bit more wiggle room now that I have that vacation money coming. Do it every year and it is a lifesaver.
Would you be hurt? [2008-11-10]
Say you were out of town with four other friends. Each of the other ladies is TIED to their cell phone for calls and text messages. It is WELL known that you are NOT one who is tied to your cell phone and the group even jokes about the fact that if they were on the side of the road broken down the one person NOT to text would be you because you wouldn't get it for a week and they would end up dying.
Back to the question...so youIt You have received no phone call in your room and no one has come to your room to knock to see if you want to join them.
Are you angry? What do you do? What should you have done? Is this just a matter of both sides not communicating?
Curious to see what you say here...
They said to me this morning [2008-11-10]
Well, why didn. My response was, With four of you in the room, NONE of you thought to say
That stinks. [2008-11-10]
I'd be mad too. I know my friend's who text and those who don't. I also know some of my friends use their cell for everything and others only for emergency. I would call them according to their preference. If we were all in the same hotel, I wouldn't think of a cell phone but would think of the room phones and/or knocking on the door if you were in the same hallway.
Personally, I think its rude to be tied to a cell phone when you are with other people. Everyone knows that if I am busy (that means even just eating dinner at home with my family) I do not answer a cell phone. If its important they will leave a message or call back. If I get 2 calls back to back, I will answer. I think it's disrespectful. Unless of course you have kids but even so my kids would know not to call me to ask where the peanut butter is while I'm out with a friend or at work. It better be a real emergency.
With all that said, I think this is becoming a problem in society in general, not just your group of friends. I went to dinner with several friends recently and they all had their cell phones out. One was taking calls and/or calling those who were missing to see where they were. I was the only one who apparently turned their ringer completely off and left it in my pocket. When I excused myself to the bathroom I checked to see if I had any messages, otherwise things can certainly wait 30 minutes to an hour.
LOL My son is about this age [2008-11-10]
and I dread this day. lol
I would run down to the nearest best buy and see what they offer as far as packages with updates. I know they have such things. Haven't bought one myself but know of people who have.
Then, I would sit down with him and let him know that it's normal for a boy to be curious but that he needs to give things a little time. I would also discuss the dangers of the internet. i.e. purchasing things you don't want to purchase, crazy weird people, etc. 9 is very young in my opinion but kids are exposed to so much these days it doesn't really surprise me. He will be learning about these things in school very soon, not the way he wants to lol, or maybe suggest that you can get some videos for him to watch if he is interested. Usually the school will allow you to check them out and sometimes they are available through your library. I know this because our son's school mentioned it if the parent's wanted to view the same video as the kids or wanted additional resources for kids with questions.
Around that same age my son started asking a LOT of questions just because of commercials and things he picked up on television. We had the talk and told him that he could talk to us any time, write a letter, make an appointment with a counselor or his pediatrician, or whatever he wants if he is embarrassed, etc. Since he has continued to ask questions openly. I think most of it is that the parent's don't make it weird.
I had to place my mom in a nursing home [2008-11-09]
temporarily when she broke her hip the first time. It was very hard. (I had made a promise to her that I would never put her in one when she got older.) I visited her every day and every day she begged to come home. Shedidnand encourage her to keep up because the sooner she could walk with little assistance, the sooner she could come home. The PT team was great, too, always encouraging her, and she did her best.
I found out that they had a hairdresser that came in every week and I paid to get her a haircut and style. After that, she kind of settled in a little bit, but still begged to come home.
Thank heavens, she was only there2 months. I don't think I could have stood it much longer. Then when it was time to come home, she wanted to bring the furniture with her. LOL They had cherry dressers and headboards. It was almost like a regular bedroom.
Momhe sat there for hours. No one came to see if he needed anything. The room was awful, so small andcheap furniture with old iron hospital beds. Reminded me of a regular hospital. Talked to his son and that's all the insurance company would cover for him so he was stuck.
As the other poster said, research the homes as much as possible. Go when the activities and/or PT is taking place and just watch. Talk to the people that live there if possible. Talk to activity director, DON, etc. before deciding. Check the rooms. Watch to see if the CNAinsurance runs out; i.e., where the patients go after that. Mom would have been transferred to the first (MediCare) floor, but she came home before that.
Heat Surge electric fire place [2008-11-09]
I posted a few weeks ago about an article I saw for a Heat Surge electric fireplace with a wooden mantle built by the Amish.
Well I received it about 1.5 wks ago and I must say that it is absolutely beautiful! It is virtually noiseless, I seriously cannot hear it running at all. The brightness of the flame is adjustable and it has a low and a high heat setting. Best of all, it works! It does exactly what I had planned on and keeps the back of my house at a reasonable tempurature during the night so I do not have to worry about keeping the wood stove in the front going full blast all night.
The kids turned it on one evening when they were playing pool and they actually ended up turning it off because it got to warm.
So in my opinion, if you want something that is beautiful, well built, safe, and does provide more than enough heat for a room or two (mine is between the family room/kitchen which is all one long room) then it is absolutely worth the money.
Heat Surge electric fire place [2008-11-09]
I posted a few weeks ago about an article I saw for a Heat Surge electric fireplace with a wooden mantle built by the Amish.
Well I received it about 1.5 wks ago and I must say that it is absolutely beautiful! It is virtually noiseless, I seriously cannot hear it running at all. The brightness of the flame is adjustable and it has a low and a high heat setting. Best of all, it works! It does exactly what I had planned on and keeps the back of my house at a reasonable tempurature during the night so I do not have to worry about keeping the wood stove in the front going full blast all night.
The kids turned it on one evening when they were playing pool and they actually ended up turning it off because it got to warm.
So in my opinion, if you want something that is beautiful, well built, safe, and does provide more than enough heat for a room or two (mine is between the family room/kitchen which is all one long room) then it is absolutely worth the money.
I have had the pleasure... [2008-11-09]
....of working in several nursing homes as a CNA and nurse before coming to medical transcription. It's hard work and usually staffing is sometimes paltry, even in the good homes, but we really do care. Really. Every place has bad eggs, the hospitals, home care, etc., but everyone usually has to have some sort of heart to work in a nursing home.
First things first...I always would check for jobs with this litmus test, and I recommend anyone do this. This is a make or break kind of ordeal. You look for the state inspection report. It HAS to be placed in a prominent place in the facility. If you cannot find it readily, ask where it is. If there is anything going on with hiding these documents, you leave and never come back. The other thing is to smell for stale urine or strong air fresheners. If you smell either of those, leave. (Do not check for BM smell--the smell often radiates and may be new, for lack of a better term.) Look at the residents. Do many of them seem content? Do you see aides with gait belts around their waists? Do the nurses look terribly stressed? Please also do not judge by tones of voices in the direct care staff. Often the staff must talk very directly, succintly, and abruptly--it sometimes comes off as harsh, but it's not--for particular residents to hear and/or understand.
If you go in a facility in the evening, often the place is chaotic, particularly if there are demented residents. There is a condition known as sundowning that is very, very real. The ones with dementia who are sundowning may give the impression that care is not being given due to the chaos and behaviors brought by the condition. It's not the case. Usually these residents are kept in common areas until they are calm enough to retire for the night.
If you go in the nighttime, often there is one night nurse for about 65ish residents. If you are so inclined to come in at this time and do not see anyone at the nurse's station for some time, know that the nurse may be tending to a medical issue and the CNAs are tending to personal care of the residents.
If you ever see nurses eating a sandwich in one hand and writing in another hand while sitting at the nurse's station, this is sometimes the only break he or she gets. It's not out of disrespect that this is done. It is so that nurse can care for the residents as best as he or she can.
What you are describing in your original post, unfortunately, is quite common, from what I have seen. Two people who are married a long time will often pass not too far apart. It seems people often do decide when they will go. As a nurse, it's one of the more incredible things I've seen. When I saw it happen, I always had the sense there is an extremely strong bond between the spouses that absolutely nothing could break. I'm not trying to say anything is amiss with your mother. I'm not. It doesn't always happen that way. I hope I don't come off that way. I'm sorry you are going through this, because no one wants to send a loved one to the nursing home, yet caring for an ailing parent is one of the most stressful things anyone can experience. I have never been in your position, so I hope I don't come off as too forward, rude, or presumptuous, but I wanted to tell you a little more about what you may be getting into.
If you live in Iowa, I'd recommend you to a great one that has the best nurse I've ever met working there now. He has cooked up oyster soup in our kitchen when a resident stopped eating because the resident loved oyster soup. He has taken residents fishing for the heck of it. He wears a scrub shirt with chickens on it because many of our residents were farmers and like the shirt (and because my husband has a silly sense of humor and a wife with a sewing machine). I've known CNAs who buy (with their own money) residents pop and even steak just because the resident wanted it and could have it. Shoot, lots of us do it, even when we don't have a lot of money to our names. I loved to sing with the residents that had dementia (music seems to be retained) and chat about life with the residents who had their faculties. I promise it's not all doom and gloom. Sure, nursing homes could do better, but if you find the right one, it may just work out.
All my best to you and your mother.
I absolutely love it. We have to drive [2008-11-07]
to the next state to go. I think it is just the excitement of being there. Thank goodness I don't have a lot of extra money, or I could see myself there all the time. We go 1 or 2 times a year. I have met lots of interesting people, players and dealers. When we go we usually spend the night, so it is a little get-away. I don't win very often (Did hit for $150 on a slot once)--I only take an XX amount with me and leave the debit card at home. The only problem I have is not realizing the time--one time I was going back to the room, leaving the BF at the table, and looked at my watch and it was 4:30 a.m.
My sons are 18 and 20. [2008-11-04]
One lives at college and the other is living at home while attending college. When they were both at home and under 18 I had the same rules as you, basically. During the week, except for their activity obligations of school, sports, scouts, they didnhang out time. It did help that their high school was in the next county, and most of their school friends lived some distance away. When girlfriends came along, life was a little different. My oldest dated a girl who lived down the street. My youngest dated a girl who lived a good 30-minute drive away. Lucky for me, their parents had the same rules for hanging out. It was pretty much weekends only. My boys accepted it all in stride. But I have to say that I've been pretty strict about their attitude all of their lives. Since they first began to speak, they learned not to give attitude to their parents. In return, we always treated them with respect. The few times that they did raise their voices as teenagers, our conversation came to an end, and their requests were denied with no chance for a reversal of that decision. Worked nicely. But, again, I have to say we were very lucky in that most of their friends weren't right in our neighborhood and their girlfriends had the same rules.
The payoff is that now as responsible young adults, they've developed a good work ethic. Even my son living at college does well managing his free time, and will be an RA in his dorm next year, partly because he's shown maturity and isn't goofing off at college. (And I'm glad not to have to pay all of the room and board! Hooray!)
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