It's only child abuse if you hit them hard enough

I only have one child, a son..sm [2008-11-20]
so that helps. I usually spend about $300 on my son, but this year I have spent $400 already on a playstation 3 he has wanted ever since they came out last year. I can't just give him that so I have to buy him some other little things to open. My mom and mother-in-law and sister-in-law are going to buy playstation 3 games because after spending $400 on it I can't buy the games too, which are about $60 each. So I still have to buy some small things for him so I will probably spend about $500 on my son this year. The most I have ever spent on him and he is 10. Like I said it is usually no more than $300. I try to spend no more than $100 on my husband, but this year I know he has said how he would love to have an ipod. So I am going to buy one for about $150. I have my dad to buy for and mom. I know I will probably spend about $50 on my mom. My dad I am not sure yet. In-laws are usually about $20-25 each. My sister about $25. My brother in law about $20. My 2 nephews about $20 each. I also have a niece I will spend about $20-30 on. I try to spend a little more on my niece because my sister in law spends a lot on my son. So you see I have a lot of people to buy for. I don't even know how much that is all together but it ain't cheap. And the people I buy for I have to cause they do for us.

Yes, and it was a very hard decision... [2008-11-08]
I had moved my mom in with me after she had surgery/went through rehab.. And I took care of her for 19 months. It was so hard. She had to go back in the hospital and I was fighting with my family at the same time for help... It was really overwhelming. She is still living but unfortunately my family moved her closer to them where she did not get the best care and was eventually moved again, further away from me to a facility that I can appreciate. She looks really well and I know that she is being taken care of. I miss her. I can not visit her as often as I would like but I know that she is being taken care of... It is a very hard decision that I can not say that I don I also contemplate on a daily basis if I made the right decision. A day never passes that I don

There's always abuse [2008-11-07]
of the system. Making it illegal doesn't stop that. There are a lot of drugs out there that are, in my opinion, worse than marijuana as far as addictive qualities and doctor's prescribe those drugs routinely and easily for things such as back pain which is not life threatening but can be debilitating. I think it would be much easier to hold standards to legal medical use marijuana than it would to criminalize alcohol and the numerous other prescription drugs that are out there and abused.

He is treating you like a child sm [2008-11-03]
CHILDREN don't get to make their own decisions. ADULT WOMEN are entitled to make decisions. They don't always made them alone, but they make them. I have a lot of David Sideras (sp). His mother would tell them what she wanted, and his dad would say oh Sharon, you don like she was stupid or had never thought about it. He is treating you about the same way, but skipping the telling you that you don't know what you want statement. I has to feel like your life is not in your control. This is no way to live.

I had my child's cord blood banked eight years ago [2008-10-31]
This was much more costly way back then. I compared many companies and finally decided on CBR (Cord Blood Registry). They are definitely the most reputable. The originating fee was $1200 and the maintenance fee is $95 per year. The procedure itself is virtually effortless. You are first sent a kit which you provide to your physician. At the time of your child My doctor was more than willing to perform this simple step at the time of my child Then, after collection, the kit is sent via courier to a deep freezer (I think mine is in Arizona). This is such an exciting prospect. Talk about life/health insurance. Just imagine what can be done with these cells many, many years from now. Will mychild never have to develop cancer? Could a spinal cord injury be reversed? Could he be cloned? Just imagine the possibilities. Truthfully, eight years ago was an eternity in this business of cord blood banking. I feel it is truly cutting-edge technology. Yes, it was costly, but when I think about the truly invaluable possibilities,I felt compelled to have this done. Now, it is much more affordable than it was back in the beginning stages of this technology. This is even much more valuable when siblings are involved. I, however, only have the one child. I don With my medical background, there was just no way I could not do it. Sorry I got so lengthy about this, but I am a huge advocate of this concept.

No, I would not say that you overacted. How is your child? When you calm down talk to him about it [2008-10-27]
I am sure that I don Just wait until you calm down.

No wonder it's so hard to get through - and why [2008-10-24]
And yet US hospitals are trusting confidential data to the people who built that tangled mess. Unbelievable.

My child has been on both sides of that fence (sm) [2008-10-22]
He has been bullied before but he has gotten really good at standing up for himself. I literally have given him comebacks that he can use if he is being verbally bullied, and have told him that while he is never allowed to start a fight he is always allowed to defend himself and even though he may get in trouble at school, he will not be in trouble at home. One time last year (fifth grade) he was verbally bullying a boy in his class. He said some pretty mean things. I got the phone number to the boy We talked for a long time beforehand about how the boy must feel to have to go to school and have someone say things like that to him, role-playing such as how would you feel if that was you sort of thing. He also lost computer priveleges for a week. He has never bullied anyone else. However, he did kick a boy in the shin earlier this year when the boy hit him and said he was going to beat him up. My son is strong but doesn I think all kids should be able defend themselves if needed though.

If this was MY child??? sm [2008-10-16]
I would be working my way up the food chain at that school. Who in the he!! at that school thinks they know what my child needs or doesn not the school, not the state, and CERTAINLY NOT A LESBIAN TEACHER!! I was so upset when I just READ the story that it was all I could do to stop myself from sitting down and writing a letter to the school and giving them a piece of my mind. To any and all parents in that school district...the threat of recall is an extremely potent weapon. Use it!!

If it were MY child, I'd buy her a pretty dress to wear [2008-10-16]
You bigots are appalling.

I still think it should be the parents who teach the child these things, not the school's place. [2008-10-16]
Each child goes to school to learn facts. They learn their social skills, values, etc.at home and from friends that their parents allow them to associate with. The school is a public entity full of many INDIVIDUALS who all have different values and opinions. Teachers should not be teaching children their own personal values and should leave that to the parents.

For example, I have a lot of opinions and beliefs....do you want to send your child (or another chil [2008-10-16]
and let me tell them what I think is right and wrong and teach them however I see fit? Or do you think the child's parents have that right?

In the end, as your child grows up he/she is [2008-10-16]
They may choose your beliefs, or they may choose someone else)

Pretty sad to stunt a child's intellectual growth. [2008-10-16]
.

My child would not be attending...sm [2008-10-16]
That is utterly ridiculous. How is this acedemically relevent?

What's hard is that [2008-10-13]
we have been keeping all of our kids' college funds in the stockmarket. After a big hit in 2001, they were doing OK. But now that we're really having to use them, the money just isn't there. I'm wondering if it makes more sense to keep the money in the market (waiting for recovery) and take out a loan for the college tuition.

The child needs to learn to sleep alone...sm [2008-10-11]
I mean that is ridculous. Put her in the bed and turn on a lamp. Maybe put a TV in her room and let her watch something till she falls asleep. She is 9 years old. She is plenty old enough to make her sleep alone. Her dad and mom just are spoiling her.

dating someone with kids is hard [2008-10-09]
Bottom line is he SHOULD put her first, because if he didn't what kind of man would he be? My point to you is that although I understand COMPLETELY how you feel... it's just not always justified. I couldn't deal with my situation with kids so I left it. I respect him as a man for being a great dad, but having broken homes and split families is sometimes very difficult, as atested to the way the daughter acts towards you. You have to realize this is the way it's gonna be... deal with it or leave... (im not trying to say it is easy or anything... just facts you know?)

Is he hard of hearing? [2008-10-06]
I ask that seriously because my husband has the same problem, that and he has so many other things going through his head and for whatever reason the things I tell him seem to be the least important to remember! Could you get a bulletin board and tack notes up on it with what he needs to remember, send him emails etc. I send my husband a lot of emails as he works nights and that is the easiest way to remind him!

I read that and almost fell of my chair I was laughing so hard.... [2008-09-28]
but that was my first impression too, eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww, that's gross and disgusting. LOL.

If I suspected that my child was being [2008-09-24]
dangerous with driving - for any reason (drugs, alcohol, whatever), I would take the license. Not sure if that's an option in ur state, but I did it here. One of my sons let his friend drive the car while they were all drinking - result? License gone for 6 months. As far as the drugs, can you talk with your daughter? My children were always pretty upfront with me. Didn't really like some of the things that they did, but at least I knew what was going on. I took them to the PCP and had them drug tested - neither of them came up positive, but one did tell me that he had been smoking pot. In my experience (and my sons are now 21 - twins), taking away things that mean something to them is the best and only punishment at that age, but you canfreak out. Take the car and any other privileges away from her and tell her she can have them back when she earns them. These things - car, cell phones, t.v., stereo, any other toys - are not a right they are privileges. Hope this helps.

You may have to report it but not as sibling abuse (sm) [2008-09-21]
Child abuse and neglect by the parents that BOTH children live with. The 8 year old doesn't need to be punished, they both need to be taken care of. The thing is, as you know DHS is not always going to fix the problem and if the mother finds out it was you, she will probably not let you see your GS again. That is a problem. I am not sure. Does your son have any type of rights to visitation, etc? Can he not go to court and say that his child is not being taken care of appropriately? Where is the older child's father?

Sibling abuse [2008-09-20]
I picked up my 6-YO grandson today to bring him to my house for the weekend. When I got there I could tell he His mom sits on the couch and says nothing to dispute it, so I This brother is also his babysitter after school until mom and step-dadget home. Not too long ago DHS was involved andstep-dad was charged with abusing my grandson. Of course they always try counseling first before thinking about removing a child from the home. I constantly worry about the environment he is in as I Is this something I should report to DHS? p.s. His mom is just beginning to speak to me again.She blames me for the last DHS thing even though I wasn It's a long story, but there is nothing in writing about visitation. I have pretty much had visitation with him every other weekend for the last six years. What to do.

Sibling abuse [2008-09-20]
They I agree entirely that he is too young. The thing is, parents were home today when this happened. They were probably just getting up. They do not get out of bed before 10 on the weekend, even though kids are up at 6 or 7. I pick my grandson up at 10, and he has not had breakfast yet. This is the norm.

from a child [2008-09-18]
My son used to say mazagine and hangaburger instead of magazine and hamburger when he was about 3. I loved that. Not common to most people but it was common to him. :)

If your mom and dad just divorced this year, have you ever thought of depression? sm [2008-11-22]
Maybe your dad is going through a real hard adjustment to his new life and could use a little help or boost from you instead of a cold shoulder. Sounds to me like he might just be in some major depression as his life has had a drastic change. Reach out to him and help him in his time of need. Sure he is an adult, but everyone can walk on hard times with major traumatic events going on in their life and he may just lack desire to care due to his depression.

Help is a safety net you have paid for sm [2008-11-21]
Food stamps are a safety net we all pay for, all forms of public assistance are things we have been paying for all along. TAKE the help you need! Do move closer to family if you possibly can. I have been in your shoes myself. I lost my home to foreclosure 4 years ago because of having a near-fatal drug interaction and losing my job of nearly 7 years. I made a couple of moves and finally ended up in a small town out of state from where I had lived for 30 years. I lived with a close friend for about 9 months and had the opportunity to buy a mobile home for $3000. The people I bought it from said I could make payments and I was able to pay it off in 5 months. It needed a lot of work and it has gotten it, most of which I have done myself. This project really helped me to regain parts of myself I had lost. It gave me a reason to get up and get going on my days off. I turned this ugly old thing into a lovely, comfortable home I cherish. I have lost about 50-60 lbs since living here and I have brought the idea of vastly cutting expenses in line with making more money. The end result is that I am very well off financially, better than in my entire life. DO get medication to help you if you can. I didn't have medication to help because I am allergic to every psychotropic in existence. I did this by pulling myself up by the boot straps, but if I could have had help, I would have. There IS a brighter future out there. You CAN have that brighter future because you DESERVE IT. That said, no one expects you to get there alone!!! Don't be embarrassed to ask and receive help. You will be able to help others later. Years ago, when my kids were young, I was a single parent, no support and it was Christmas time. My kids didn't even have adequate clothing or food. A neighbor I hardly knew handed me a Christmas card. Inside was a $100 gift card to K-Mart. She said that many years before that, she had been in my shoes and someone had given her $100 one Christmas, she was now paying this forward to me. The only provision was that I return this favor when I could, and that I bought something for myself too because I deserve nice things for my hard work. It was a turning point for me. I have been more of a giver since. Although I could have paid this back last year, I didn't know anyone who would appropriately benefit. This year, I do and I had to tell her that I was going to do this and why. She cried and felt embarrassed because, she said, she was usually in the position to give and it hurt a little to receive. I reminded her that she was GIVING me the gift of giving with pleasure. Others are going to give to you with pleasure, love, friendship and concern for your well being. TAKE IT. One day you'll post back here about how good things are and I'll want to hear it.

Has our country taken a turn for the ... [2008-11-21]
Our once great country, I afraid, has just turned a corner for the worse. I have watched as the mentality of our country has gone from setting your mind to something, working hard, and you can accomplish it to giving up, sitting back, and letting somebody else take care of them. I was brought up, as many were, with a good work ethic that was instilled in us by our parents. With the idea that if you want something you had to work for it, and by working for something you learned quickly the difference between wants and needs. There were always incentives for a person to strive to better themselves. Whether it were financial incentives, or just the pride you gained in knowing that you did something yourself, it didn�t matter. I wasn�t long ago that people had that �small town� mentality, and everybody knew their neighbors. And those neighbors helped each other out, in any situation, it was just what you did. And people were so proud that some times help would have to be disguised, you remember the lines like..�Mom made more stew than we could eat, could you help us out by taking it so that it doesn�t go to waste?� But, somewhere along the line those thoughts of some (I guess now the majority) have changed. Some how, if somebody works hard to gain something others feel entitled to have the same things, even if they didn�t have to go through the struggle to earn it. Some how, things like big screen TVs, cell phones, and shiny new cars have wrongly slipped from the �wants� list to the �needs� list. Somewhere the incentives to strive for betterment have been replaced by incentives to be lazy. The easy way out and hand outs are now the norm. The feeling of pride about being self sufficient is supposed to be replaced by guilt for having more than others. The �small town� mentality is gone and our neighbors have turned into strangers. People no longer help out their neighbors or even themselves, instead they sit and wait for the government to come solve things for them. And when help does come they complain that the help wasn�t good enough or didn�t come fast enough, the pride is gone. Well, I refuse to think that way, my small town roots and work ethic runs to deep. I refuse to let somebody take care of me while I am willing and able to take care of myself. I will continue to meet and know my neighbors and help them out when they need it. I will continue to work hard to take care of my needs and by doing so, my wants will take care of themselves. I will continue to volunteer for things and give to charities of my choice regardless of what the government wants to take away from me and give to the undeserving. My hope is to change the thinking back to the way it was. The sun will rise again tomorrow, I�ll keep doing what I do, and this country can be great again�.at least in my little corner of it�

Anyone ever do you wrong and you got [2008-11-21]
so angry you can I am stewing and no doubt making it much worse on myself, but it is hard to let it go. I went out of my way to be kind to this person on so many occasions only to be treated badly. Any advice?

Here's my problem....sm [2008-11-21]
My dad is irresponsible and is in financial debt and doom. There is no way he can make the money to pay the bills he has accumulated. He has borrowed money he shouldnt have. Well the situation is... He has been knowing if he didn He refused to pay it. Every time he would get acheck he wouldn Well he kept not paying it for 2 months. Well yesterday they turned them out. It is freezing here. It is going to be in the 20s tonight. He said I don Well he was told and told to pay it and wouldn So now what does he do? As soon as he gets off work he comes to my house cause he don I can So I can He also said he had no money for food because he had to use it all for diesal for his dump truck. So I offered him food too. He also rumages through my cabinets for snacks. I feel like I am the parent and he is the child. My husband drives a big truck and he has been gone. When I tell him what is going on he gets aggravated because he is sitting at our house and all. He said he is a grown man and needs to step up and take care of himself but he is my dad and I can My husband will be home either late tonight or first thing in the morning and this is not going to go over too well with him. I am at a loss.

we're s'posed to believe this new guy is her husband? [2008-11-21]
i set the DVR, won is the season ending, getting all these new players? i hope they make it believable...

He is 60 years old...sm [2008-11-21]
And acts like he is 2. He doesnI am not his babysitter. He is a grown man and he needs to act like it. Social service doesn't need to help him. The man makes decent money. He just won't take responsibity to pay his bills and has too many at that. He needs to thin them out. For instance, he has 2 new model trucks. He does not need 2 trucks but he WANTS both of them. But a light bill is one of your most important bills. And I for a fact know he had the money to pay it and didn't. I even told him you better go pay that electric bill. He wouldn't. I have never seen anyone who was quite like him. I love my dad and don't want to hurt him but he is making things very hard for me right now. I can't babysit him anymore. He is more than welcome to come visit me as often as he wants. He can come by everyday if he wants. But then there is a time to leave and go home. I have a family and I know I wouldnt like it if my husbands dad did this. I would not be happy at all. I am not happy about my father doing it but what do you do? Tell him get out?

According to DH, our budget is $1,000 [2008-11-20]
But more likely I We have 3 kids. We usually get them 1 big gift to share and then round it out with smaller gifts. This year, they It The breakdown of the other $350: Parents $150, Grandma $25, Gift Exchange $60, Siblings (from my kids $20, Niece/nephew: $40, Teacher Gifts $30, Student Gifts: $15. The remaining $30 will go to Toys for Tots! Each of my kids like to pick out a $10 gift to put in. I have 3 siblings and 1 that My brother that Of course, my 2 unmarried siblings also buy small gifts for my children, so we always get them a little something from them -- usually lottery tickets or a gas card for Sheetz. $10 used to fill We do our exchange party on Christmas Eve. It keeps the kids entertained and gives them a little preview of what I have to say I enjoy Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day. It Teacher gifts kill me. It I usually go for a coffee mug with a Christmas scene or teacher saying on it and fill it with candy. Of course, DH thinks I do all this for Christmas for $1000, but why tell him and spoil it? We do a Christmas Club for $1000 every year and I just buy the other stuff here and there. We already got our Christmas gifts for ourselves -- a 46-inch LCD TV for DHand a Dooney Bourke purse with matching wallet for me. Now you all got me excited again about shopping next week. I I always wait until the day before Thanksgiving to do that so I know I won For those of you below who posted that you don Let me just say that I don I sometimes snag a deal or 2, but I learned a long time ago not to wait until Black Friday to get the most sought after items. Best to get them in Sept or Oct.

Do any of you have a spouse [2008-11-20]
who can How do you work it out? Are you just stuck always being the bad guy? Unfortunately, the entire United States is having a difficult financial time. It is obviously not just our household. We have cut back everywhere we can, and I mean everywhere. Our families are having difficult problems as well. We also have an ex-spouse and have had unexpected increases in child support, etc. recently along with unexpected additional expenses where this is concerned. Basically, the child needs new glasses, etc. even though the child really doesn It just seems like it is one thing after another and I know it is for everyone, although the circumstances may be slightly different. My problem is that I have been telling my husband for months that this was coming, along with Christmas, birthday, etc. He hasn Although we have cut back on many things, on my initiative, it just has not sunk in for him until now...when everything finalized and we dont To top this off, he can Ibad guy because he is ok with all of it although he admits he has no idea where the money is going to come from. I have been upfront with my family and when people ask me but is it too much to ask that he do the same? I dont But of course he wants to constantly remind me (the cheap skate and tight-a$$) to cut back on groceries, etc. which I cannot possibly do any more than I have already. We have nothing left in savings. We have no Christmas fund. I I donI told you so but I did tell him and he had no concerns until now...when we are seemingly headed towards financial trouble. I have been working OT but his OT has been cut indefinitely from his employer. I I must say he doesn't buy things for himself..its just the piddling away of $20 here and $20 there on top of our already mounting unexpected expenses.

I don't think I understand [2008-11-20]
so just let him do whatever, support his decisions, and hope for the best? He has a good job it is just that so much of it is eaten by the attorneys, support, transportation, and crazy things the ex dreams up that the child must have and we are told we just have to pay it. It costs more than what I make to cover the mandatory expenses of my step-child. I gave up our finances about a year ago to give him a taste of what it was like. Stupidly thinking this would help. Obviously it hasn't but has made things worse. I always reassure him and tell him we will get through it, etc. but when he asks me to make a decision I tell him honestly. Recently asking if I mind if his teenage nephews come stay for the weekend I ask where is the extra money going to come from to feed them and get them to/from work as its an hour round trip. I offer maybe just one night instead of the entire weekend. Automatically thatthey asked for the weekend. He says he doesn't know where the money will come from and he won't ask the his brother either and asks me to call and tell them no. Of course when I refuse I can tell he gets upset although he won't say it. We don't argue about stuff its just more of one of us getting pi$$ed off until it blows over and then starting again the following week when another circumstance comes up. Honestly, I'm just getting tired of putting up. It has been nearly 10 years now but only 4 since our finances went together. We are also expecting a child, which we could afford before the last 6 months came crashing down on us. Of course this is part of my anxiety over finances but being a man and his usual self he wants to live in la-la land until we don't have money to buy diapers. I'm just so frustrated. Thanks for listening and letting me know that there is hope things will change. Atleast I know when the step-child becomes an adult it will be like winning the lottery!

okay, a little less cheerleading [2008-11-20]
No matter how it looks on the outside. He is highly motivated not to pay two women child support (if you leave). Maybe I should add that would be his worst nightmare. But he still has to handle his ex, his lawyer, and if he needs to renegotiate the child support. You really can't do those things for him, but I would take over the bills again!

My husband can't say no to people either...sm [2008-11-20]
Unless he gets mad about something. We don't really work it out. I am usually just stuck as you say being the bad guy or give in. Find comfort in the fact that you aren't the only one who struggles with bills. I bought my son a Playstation 3 for X-mas this year for $400 but the only way I was able to do that was to put back money all year and hide it. It seems just typical man, most anyway, that you tell them and tell them but they don't pay you any mind or they don't want to hear it. Just sit him down and talk and tell him it isnno. Throw in some tears, which shouldn't be hard to do, for more effect. Maybe he will feel bad.

Sorry you are feeling so down (sm) [2008-11-20]
First of all, relax. You need to go to a doctor and get on an antidepressant? No insurance? If you can get the money to go to the doc for one visit, you can get them to prescribe an antidepressant that is on Walmart's $4 list and get it for $4 a month. Call United Way and see if they can direct you where to get help with your rent. Don't worry about whether or not you have cable, you'll be okay without that unless you need it for your job? Don't worry about not being able to give Christmas gifts...just explain that you don't have the money. People will understand and your grandson can have it explained to him. I have the same isolation issues that you do because of the job. Can you go to a temp agency and see about getting a job outside of your house so you can be around people more? There is a website called Exercisefriends.com where you can meet people in your area who want exercise buddies, maybe just someone who is starting out trying to walk every day or something like that (not sure what your fitness level is). Or advertise on Craigslist for a walking buddy (but be careful of course when first meeting the person). I met one of my best friends this way and have known her for 4 years now. If you want an email buddy feel free to email me. I think everyone is struggling right now and it is hard. I would be happy to have you vent to me via email all you want. :-)

Thanks everyone sm [2008-11-20]
I didnthey would even get in the door, though, because my husband would probably slam the door. This kills me too because without the substance abuse, he is a good person, and I wish he could just see that he could be that person again. He is not and has never been physically abusive, but the verbal abuse is just as painful. Addiction and depression are hard things to conquer, but this is his last chance with me. I am so thankful that I have the ability to get up and go with this profession and that I have somewhere to go.

I've been there [2008-11-20]
I have been in your shoes. Last year my husband died unexpectedly at age 56, I literally woke up one morning and he was dead in our bed next to me (aneurysm). That started a downhill spiral . . . . since then I I canhow depressed III am working now and starting to pull myself up out of the dark hole I've been in. The poster above is right. You need to see a doctor. I found out that most major health systems have programs for those of us with no insurance and no money. Call their financial offices and just tell them point blank you need to be seen and you have no insurance. They will not refuse you. I found a clinic near my house that is part of a largehospital. I was able to see a doctor for a physicalandget my annual Pap and mammogram done at no charge. They gave me samples of my medications (I have asthma) for a few months until I had insurance again. They prescribed an antidepressant which worked wonders and they gave me that as samples each month. Move closer to your family. You My family has been supportive of all the decisions I Spend time with yourgrandchild, kids can make you feel so much better.If you I did. I didn Forjust myselfI was given 174.00 a month for food and it helped outtremendously. I know it You may be hesitant to take free medical care or ask for food benefits, but remember THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY and you will get back on your feet. It may take a while, but you will make it. Good luck to you.

Thanks for the suggestions. [2008-11-20]
Where the step is concerned it won't help. The situation is what it is and I knew it when we married. It's just frustrating at times but I know it is only temporary. I would hate to be the hateful ex who treats someone this way. It must be a terrible life to live constantly dreaming of ways to hurt your ex and his family instead of enjoying your own family and knowing that your child is well taken care of. As for the family stuff. I have tried to talk to the leaders of the family and they looked at me like I was a complete loon. That's fine. They can do what they want. He can do what he wants, but our budget is what it is and that will mean less for his child. Next year I WILL have a xmas fund set up so that I can provide for our kids and we don't end up in this holiday mess again. If nothing else $20 a month is more than what we have now and I'm sure I can scrape that together if I really try. Thanks for your help. :) I wish I could be oblivious like your husband!

haven't been there [2008-11-20]
but just wanted to wish you well. It sounds like you are making the right decision. My husband's father is an alcoholic and from what I have heard (we have talked about it a lot) it is not pleasant for kids. You are making the right decision for them. My MIL did not do the same for her kids but my husband still wishes she had. His father is still an alcoholic and now we face the difficult decision with his influence on our children. We make the tough decisions that we feel are best for our kids. It's our job as parents and we know it is the right thing to do, despite what others within the family may say, namely the alcoholic FIL and MIL who still stands by his side and takes the abuse. Good luck. It will all work out in time.

I agree with the posters below. [2008-11-20]
You need to move closer to family and see a doctor. You can also find the local social services department and they will provide free medications for 6 months. you will have to see one of their doctors but and fill out some paperwork but that's the only catch. Depression is higher around the holidays. The weather, finances, family, on top of every day stresses can be overwhelming. Being in this antisocial job doesn't help either. I have often thought of getting something a few days a week just to get out of the house. I think it would do anyone good. Know that things could always be worse and they will get better. Your grandson is young, he doesnwhere as this is a common occurrence in kids. I thought it was only my child but since have found many others are the same. Keep your head up and do what you can. It's ok to cry and vent to others. Don't keep it all bottled up inside. You will be surprised to find who your true friends and family are when you open up and really need them.

Dailystrength.com....an online community..sm [2008-11-20]
There It I No one bashes you, everyone understands, you meet people in the same boat, etc. Give it a try. You I hope things work out for you and I wish there was something I could do tohelp. It What I can do, though, is be a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes the friends you cansee are the easiest to talk to. I know it is for me.

We have been spending less than 100 [2008-11-19]
And we are starving. DH took over going to the grocery store from me (He thought I spent too much when I would spend about 150 a week.) It has been months since we do not have a bare cupboard. I am not complaining. I understand we are broke and he needs to pay the creditors. But the one person who has pretty much stopped eating is me. I am home all day and there is never bread to make a sandwich and I often pass up supper because I am tired of eating junky stuff like mac and cheese or spaghetti with meat sauce. He and our 11 year old son, on the other hand eat thirds of whatever meal it is. I get kind of annoyed. Our littlest boy and middle girl eat very little. All 3 take their lunch to school. I say to DH either stop eating so much (for him and the older boy) or buy more. He flips his eyes at me. We even stopped getting microwave popcorn which used to fill them up. So, now I am hoping to work extra to go to the grocery store myself and put an extra 100 a week in myself, but I keep running out of work. You see, this all started when we started running out of work in transcription about a year ago this fall, and my DH took over the bills. Apparently food was the first to be cut. And, BTW I don't ever go anywhere because there is no gas in my car, and it has 2 flat tires. We live by the school and I borrow DH's car to take the kids but it is always on empty. We seem to make it every time. Oh, well. No need to complain. Just cutting back. The family is lucky I work at home, don't use gas, barely eat. But I do have to pay 10 bucks a month for nerve pills, because it is hard doing without. Like I said, when work picks up transcribing first place I am going after I get gas for the car is to the food store. Eventually I can repair my flat tires.

You are both so kind, and you are right [2008-11-19]
on the mark. Yes, the credit cards are his. He lived off credit cards for several years to support himself and his kids after he and his wife split up. His wife never paid child support and he paid for daycare and everything, so had to pay for extras outside of his salary on credit. Then when I came along I was doing real well as a hospital MT, but had to quit because I was here and he needed me to watch the kids. He did not understand I had a shift like a regular job. So, after several months of my back and forth work and being with the kids, the boss gave me an ultimatum daycare for the kids or I leave my job. I told my DH that my income which was very good at the time was important to me as I have supported myself my whole life including being a single mom. But he would not budge. So, I quit. It has been 3 years and most of our marriage my trying to balance kids (I love them don Next time you get money mommy, GO FOOD SHOPPING. He said that right in front of DH. But, I just know when I do that the gorging goes on. I explained to DH about telling his son about gluttony, but he laughs at me. So, when I see him and his son eat this way, I get grossed out and am not hungry at all. I am sorry to say all this here. I actually just came back from the doc who gives me nerve pills because of my situation and he says I am doing really well coping with the situation. Which he knows what is going on. He is sending me to see a good counselor who he says, will validate me and give me support and confidence. Last time I went to see a counselor she told me to leave. But, my son loves his step sister and brother and so I want to stay. Well, sorry for the soap opera. I think when I start making more money I will get food and tires for my car, etc. but I will hide some food and snacks and siphon it into the general population here. That way they don't get snorted up by certain people. LOL. (And yes, I am putting an emergency fund away. But this is why I wish there was more transcription out there!) Thanks for your kind words and support. Between you and the doc today, it makes me feel I am not alone! :)

gift cards [2008-11-19]
Gift cards are hard to redeem, especially if they have to spend a long time trying to find something they like at the store for 5, 10 or 15 which they usually cannot and end up spending my money to cover the overage. I think cash is much better!

How about ideas for siblings and their families? Here's one [2008-11-19]
I have three siblings, with spouses and children. Not only is it expensive to buy for all of them, but it Last year I went to a craft store and bought cheap baskets on sale. I bought each of them a 2-month subscription to the movies that you get through the mail,NetFlix (can do Blockbuster if you want). I put the gift certificate in the basket along with the big boxes of candy that they sell at the show (.99 cents apiece at Walgreens), a few packets of microwave popcorn, and a 6-pack of their favorite soda. They loved it and everybody enjoyed the movies over the next couple of cold winter months. You can purchase the movie gift certificates on line at their website.

I'm so sorry for you and your family [2008-11-19]
Losing a pet is always so hard. Sending your whole family love and hugs.

Christmas Gifts [2008-11-19]
We have two daughters 5 and 14. It's harder with the 14 year old because now she wants all the high end gifts. We usually spend about $300 per child and we're probably going to do about the same this year. Luckily they're about the only people we buy for any more. If we had a lot of family members to buy for it would probably be a lot less. Now that the nieces and nephews are older and some married, we don't get them gifts and the few relatives we do buy for we usually don't spend a whole lot. My husband and I already got our Christmas gift for each other, a big flat screen TV so we're basically done with ourselves too.