Just an addendum to the above post (sm)

In relation to the grocery shopping post, let's talk eating out [2008-11-18]
We eat out for dinner once a week (usually on Friday nights when my husband gets back into town) and then usually end up eating lunch out on Saturdays and maybe even Sundays (fast food). I/We really need to cut this expense from our budget or at least just greatly reduce it! Would love your suggestions. How often do you eat out and what is the average you spend per meal? For those of you who donfeel like cooking, serving, and cleaning up? My husband won't cook unless it's to grill (too cold to do that now) and then my son is okay to help clear the table some but not to actually rinse the dishes, wash pots and pans, etc.

Post Your Favorite Soup Recipe Please [2008-11-17]
Now that the weather is turning chilly in some areas (mine included) soup sounds wonderful! Would you all please post your favorite soup recipes -- thanks!!

What a kind post..sm [2008-11-16]
I am a very caring person. I have an extreme soft spot for animals. Dogs especially. I have a stray that was apparently dropped off here, and he is a big dog. My husband said he is a Catahoula Kur dog. He is such a sweetheart, but he can aggravate you to death. He is bad about running in the house when you open the door, and he is so big I can't hardly get him out. I have had to literally drag him by his feet out the house. As annoying as that is I can't be mean to him. I feed him everyday and talk to him and pet him. I don't need another dog but I feel so bad for him. I feel like he needs a home and and someone to care for him. So I guess I am stuck with him. I don't have the heart to take him to the pound. I just can't do that. My husband loves dogs too but he says I am just ridiculous. He thinks I treat them like people. I just see it as they are living breathing animals and they feel. There are some people who say I wouldn't feed the dogs that belonged to the guy. I could NEVER let those dogs starve. That is the thing, I think the guy knows what a softie I am and he knows I will not let them do without and he takes advantage of it. This guy, by the way, is single and fully capable financially of feeding and caring for the dogs. He just is lazy and doesn't want to be bothered when he gets home from work. It isn't my place to care for his dogs but I can't let them starve either. I don't know. I am caught between a rock and a hard spot.

Thank you for your post.......s/m. [2008-11-14]
I have never met a person with a 99.6 percentile IQ. Now that you explained all what comes with it, I see it quite differently and I agree that people with an IQ of 125-140 are the most fortunate. Because they go with the flow, they are smart, they fit in , they are not 'different.' Being a beauty queen is also not always a bliss, too intelligent, too beautiful, too rich, ect., it's not good. But it should not make you unhappy or even suicidal.

This is a test post [2008-11-12]
xx

Let's all post a pic of our pet...sm [2008-11-12]
This is my darling Pit Bull, CJ, and my other darling Beagle, Darla. They are the best of friends.

Excellent post! [2008-11-11]
xx

Post again when you get your electric bill and [2008-11-11]
DON'T FORGET to send your warranty in. Hopefully, it will last longer than my Eden Pure. Do a follow up, please. I'm still thinking about it.

The video I tryed to post didn't come...sm [2008-11-09]
through but here is the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCSh8f8V66g

Great post...nm [2008-11-08]
aa

This was supposed to go under post "That's crazy!" nm [2008-11-07]
X

Sorry, I was upset at the time I wrote the original post [2008-11-05]
Basically, I sent a voided Wal-Mart check to a creditor by mistake and they cashed it and the bank let it go through both times. I called them on it. I was thinking that someone must have found that check and cashed it again. At the time, I did not realize my mistake. They then cancelled the payment to Wal-Mart, don They added $30 to the original amount.

A few weeks ago I included in my post [2008-11-01]
that I will include the ASPCA in my will. Yesterday I got a letter from them thanking me for deciding to do this and telling me all the ways they help animals. They said that anyone who includes the ASPCA in their estate gets mentioned in their printed reports, with or without your name published. Am I being too proud to want my name printed? It is my wish that my family and friends remember me most for my love and dedication to animals. It would be wonderful for me to see my name printed, declaring that I support this wonderful organization. Sometimes people say you should just give anonomously.

Post on Weight Loss board. nm [2008-10-29]

Never mind, saw the post below with link. [2008-10-28]
x

Your post reminded me [2008-10-25]
that my boyfriend says bring when it should be take. The odd thing is, when it finally came up on conversation we got in a big discussion on how to tell which word should be used when. It is kind of confusing and rather subjective. Anyway, we had a good time over it. :) P.S. Flapitations is cute. Sounds like a good name for a movie!!

Wow -- after that post -- I actually felt [2008-10-23]
like I just got a massage. My hubs bought me a GC for a massage this past spring but I haven I At least now, I don't feel so funny about getting it.

To me this post is not really just about the Bible sm [2008-10-22]
but opinions/beliefs. Your mother had no need to talk about those things - just as you probably would not have wanted her to make a racist comment or an inappropriate sexual remark. She was out of line and if she cannot respect your house rules - then she needs to stay away. We all have opinions - we need to know when they should be shared.

About my mom, from post below - so upset! sm [2008-10-21]
My daughterWhen my daughter told my mom she didn She has the little girl so scared she won I called my mom and asked her why she would do this. She said it was the girls fault because they didn I asked her if while she was saying all these things, she was unaware of all the times I have asked her not to say these types of things, and if she really did not know she was saying something I wouldn She said she guessed she did know and that maybe she shouldn I just feel so bad though, so bad.

I so often agree with you! Thank you for your post! That was awesome! nm [2008-10-19]
x

Please don't take my post down that road [2008-10-17]
I did not write that post for people to start gay bashing, any bashing, or bible thumping. I was talking about basic rights that have been taken away from me, because of the rights some others think they need. And don't bash me, I believe in God and I will answer to Him for me, and me alone. I will not answer to Him for everyone else, they can do that on their own.

addendum - "scary" [2008-10-16]
.

i wish more people could post pics! [2008-10-09]
I always look and admire them. May not always comment but I love them like it sounds like you do!!

Please ignore the above post [2008-10-07]
My hubby often does not listen to me but I know for a fact he is not having an affair. I have just quit listening to him as well. It has become a joke in our family. Not to make light of your situation, I know yours is more serious, but donknows he is having an affair is ludicrous.

Good post - sm [2008-10-05]
I was fearful of owning a pitbull until I got mine too. I have also learned that, by the majority, the pitbulls that tend to be aggressive are usually the females. The same is true with a lot of breeds of dogs. Cats too. The females are more aggressive.

Does anybody live near Trenton, NJ? If so a hospital position 40 hr week is available...sm [2008-11-22]
This requires a quick response on your part, because there are two positions open and I don The ft position is hospital transcription, hourly wage, all bennies and PTO and holidays. The other position is team leader for the MT department, directing work flow and working with staff. People are now interviewing, but wanted to give a chance. email me if you want to, because I will not name this on post. Thanks

Help is a safety net you have paid for sm [2008-11-21]
Food stamps are a safety net we all pay for, all forms of public assistance are things we have been paying for all along. TAKE the help you need! Do move closer to family if you possibly can. I have been in your shoes myself. I lost my home to foreclosure 4 years ago because of having a near-fatal drug interaction and losing my job of nearly 7 years. I made a couple of moves and finally ended up in a small town out of state from where I had lived for 30 years. I lived with a close friend for about 9 months and had the opportunity to buy a mobile home for $3000. The people I bought it from said I could make payments and I was able to pay it off in 5 months. It needed a lot of work and it has gotten it, most of which I have done myself. This project really helped me to regain parts of myself I had lost. It gave me a reason to get up and get going on my days off. I turned this ugly old thing into a lovely, comfortable home I cherish. I have lost about 50-60 lbs since living here and I have brought the idea of vastly cutting expenses in line with making more money. The end result is that I am very well off financially, better than in my entire life. DO get medication to help you if you can. I didn't have medication to help because I am allergic to every psychotropic in existence. I did this by pulling myself up by the boot straps, but if I could have had help, I would have. There IS a brighter future out there. You CAN have that brighter future because you DESERVE IT. That said, no one expects you to get there alone!!! Don't be embarrassed to ask and receive help. You will be able to help others later. Years ago, when my kids were young, I was a single parent, no support and it was Christmas time. My kids didn't even have adequate clothing or food. A neighbor I hardly knew handed me a Christmas card. Inside was a $100 gift card to K-Mart. She said that many years before that, she had been in my shoes and someone had given her $100 one Christmas, she was now paying this forward to me. The only provision was that I return this favor when I could, and that I bought something for myself too because I deserve nice things for my hard work. It was a turning point for me. I have been more of a giver since. Although I could have paid this back last year, I didn't know anyone who would appropriately benefit. This year, I do and I had to tell her that I was going to do this and why. She cried and felt embarrassed because, she said, she was usually in the position to give and it hurt a little to receive. I reminded her that she was GIVING me the gift of giving with pleasure. Others are going to give to you with pleasure, love, friendship and concern for your well being. TAKE IT. One day you'll post back here about how good things are and I'll want to hear it.

I really appreciate this. [2008-11-18]
Notice I'm the only one who didn't post an answer? I have totally lost track & think I need to go back to the drawing board. I haven't done an actual tally in quite awhile (I think I'm afraid of what I'm going to find out). This can happen when you live alone. I live in a very small mountain community in southern California & things can be expensive up here at the regular markets. I do a Costco run about once a month & try to keep my sanity when I'm there. I make things ahead & freeze, that sort of thing. & I try not to be hungry when I go there. I make my own bread & yogurt, things I eat a lot of. I'm not a vegetarian but eat very little meat. Anyway, you all seem to be doing an incredible job, & this gives me something to aim for when I do get up the nerve to look at my spending habits. Wish me luck. Thanks!

Almost never [2008-11-18]
Idown the hill (mountain-speak for a trip to Costco-land, around 60 miles away), I stop at In-N-Out (famous LA burger chain). Cost: $10, including 2 small plain hamburgers with nothing but bread & meat & cheese for...guess who? Yes. My dogs. I know, I know. The starving kids in China. You can see my kids in the Doggy post: http://forum.mtstars.com/misc/v/5/42327.html Can you blame me?

Post Your Favorite Soup Recipe Please [2008-11-17]
Now that the weather is turning chilly in some areas (mine included) soup sounds wonderful! Would you all please post your favorite soup recipes -- thanks!!

Hope venting made you feel better... [2008-11-16]
The thing that struck me the most in your post is that you help a friend by listening to dictation. Is this during *your* work hours? If so, try not to answer the phone. I know, it sounds so simple, but if you have kids, this can betough. Anyhow, if the friend asks why you are not answering, tell her you need to focus on getting lines so you can pay your monthly bills (stress this!). Maybe she will get the hint. I had to do this when a coworker called me constantly. I As for the friends working when they were asked not to, well, unfortunately, it is a supervisors/managerHopefullys/he will take care of this. Good luck.

I think you are an inspiration for wanting to do this....sm [2008-11-16]
I guess a lot of us can relate; I have 2 or 3 people from my past that have moved far away and I have no way of finding them right now, but please believe me, I truly want to do the same thing, go to them and make peace, to say be able to forgive each other and leave things on good terms. Regrets and guilts can slowly eat away, and it is good for your own personal health to do this, you must feel so much better. WE all mess up, we all need forgiveness now and then, or to grant forgiveness. You are a lovely person with integrity, honor, and caring to do this, such a lovely post to read!!!

Thank you, Cyndiee. [2008-11-16]
It is amazing how much joy our beloved pets bring us and how painful it is to lose them. I just had to post something in Fred's honor, and I truly appreciate your thoughtful and caring response.

This Is So True [2008-11-15]
When I took an IQ test and scored 166, I thought it was a huge mistake.I struggled in school, which I believe is because I was bored. I am very good with technical things (computers and such), but I learn by doing not by reading. ThereI have had depression my whole adult life, but Iwrote about those with higher IQsare just like me. I always thought I was dumb because I did not get As or Bs in school and could not retainmost of whatI read. Of course, like I said, ADD plays a big role in that. Thanks for your post. Made me realize some things that I hadn Only my husband knows my IQ score...I don't want my friends or other family members to know (I don't think they would believe it).

Congratulations Kendra! [2008-11-14]
Assuming from your post you are pregnant too. That's wonderful! :) I'm pregnant and there's a lot I would tell people for the money too. Can't say I blame he/she...I blame the people who buy the magazines and watch the TV interviews. I don't support it one bit. No different than any other woman getting IVF.

Explaining a couple of things sm [2008-11-14]
I studied IQ as part of my Masterget you because your sense of humor is probably well off the beaten track. You probably lack social skills from an early age. Your peers would play childhood games while you preferred to try to improve upon the toys they played with. In school, you didn't have to work very hard in most areas. It all came very easily. You didn't learn how to learn, which is a very valuable skill. You probably have a low frustration level and when something doesn't come very easily, you are prone to giving up. Because you see the world in completely different terms than people of more average intelligence, those same average people call you crazy or mentally ill and tell you that you should be locked up. You don't fit in and despite the higher intelligence, you are remiss to know how to accomplish the feat of being more ordinary. I alluded to this in my previous post. I have the unusual combination of being very artistic, creatively gifted AND being rather intellectually gifted. Yes, I did fall at the 99.6% percentile on the Wechsler. I know what it means and I have a firm understanding that indeed, that score suggests that I possess more intelligence than 99.6% of the people who have taken that test, and only 0.4% are smarter than I am. It has been a life-long struggle to fit in. I am too cerebral for artistic people, and too artistic for intellectuals. I literally have no one I fit in with. I have learned to tone myself down to make it work. I didn't say dumb down, I said tone down. That means I don't intentionally talk over the heads of others and I won't cram what I know down anyone's throat. I have had those people in my life who have been jealous of me. I learn quickly if it is artistic, musical, creative, the written word, history and philosophy. I struggle with math. I took piano lessons 10 years ago. I had 40 of them and had never played the piano before. In 40, 1-hour lessons I could play the Moonlight Sonata in piano solo (not a dumbed down easy version). Most people cannot do that. There many other things I have done in a similar fashion, but this is an example for you. You ask why I am an MT if I am so smart. I make very good money as an MT and I enjoy the challenge. My photographic memory comes in very handy too. I often stop and read up on a disease process I am transcribing about, so that I know what it means. Show me a word once and I'll know it forever. It makes my job easier for me to accomplish. This all sounds like I am blowing my own horn, but I am merely trying to explain. Being highly intelligent wonreally smart is not only not helpful, I think it is the root of the housecleaning issues in my life. In short, it is just great to have a good ol' high number and in the end it makes absolutely difference...if you don't count the fact that people with IQs over 150 are 3 times more likely to be depressed and commit suicide than the average population. People who are 125 to 140 are the most fortunate. They succeed in greater numbers in school, in a job, in life. They are very bright, and likely have learned how to learn. They are more likely to persevere in the face of frustration and challenge. It really isn't all you think it is.

Thank you for posting... [2008-11-14]
I haventhe smart one can weigh heavily on you. I still feel guilty for not being as successful as other people expected me to be at this point in my life. At times I think everyday life would have been a little happier if I had been a little more average or if I had realized that the only person I have to make happy right now is myself :)

huh? [2008-11-14]
your post is all over the place, or is it just me. It could be just me. Its been just me before. Anyway, I really dont know what you are talking about. I SAID my daughter was really upset when she found out that we told her that santa was real when he was not. She felt that we lied to her. She could care less about there being no santa as long as she still got her gifts. She was upset about the lie. What the HECK does MENSA have to do with ANYTHING????? Wow. doodoodoodooooooo

Thanks! She's a mix (Yorkie/ShihTzu), but [2008-11-13]
my sister, who brought her to us from Floria, says she is an Exquisite! Ibabies too. They are almost 2 now, born the day after Thanksgiving 2006. Just didnall growed up on my computer. Your kids are adorable!

Slightly different perspective. [2008-11-13]
So maybe I shouldn't post about this since I have not exactly been in your shoes but I think possibly I can lend a help perspective. I lost my father to cancer when I was 19. My FIL is an alcoholic. No I didn't grow up in a divorced family or without a father through my childhood and no I haven't experienced my father being an alcoholic. What I feel I can tell you is there is such a thing as being too late to say the things you wanted to say, good or bad. If it does come to that, you will never let it go. He is still your father regardless of the choices he has made in his life. You only have 1 father. After seeing my FIL, I believe alcoholism is an illness. Sure people can fight it and get help if they wan, but it takes a very, very strong person to overcome it and it is a constant battle. From the sounds of your post it seems as though you have some things you need to get off of your chest. Whether that means sitting down and talking to him or putting the past in the past and moving on with any kind of relationship - I think only you can figure that out. Even a relationship that is only on holidays and important events is still a relationship. Who knows, maybe talking to your mom would help her as much as it might help you. It certainly can't be a short conversation, it needs to be thorough to get through the surface feelings and to the nitty gritty. Maybe, just maybe, your mom could shed some light for you on why she has been able to forget the past to a certain extent and move on. If nothing else, this might make you and your mom even closer and it sounds like no one else (professional or otherwise) would understand better than her. With my FIL, we do not stay when he is drunk or starts drinking. The entire family knows we pack up and leave, regardless of the situation. It hurts his feelings sometimes I can tell, but he knows the circumstances and we have small children that we will not subject to that. It was difficult at first but over the years it is just the way it is and no one says a word anymore and respects where we are coming from.

I almost ordered one of those [2008-11-12]
until seeing your post, it is the only reference I have seen about the Eden Pure. What went wrong with it? Could it have just been a bad one? Kinda curious. Could it be you are in an exceptionally cold area while I am on the coast where it would not have to work so hard?

CDC & Gardasil.....sm [2008-11-12]
I was reading the posts below about the vaccine as I had been considering it for my daughter. I looked it up on the CDC website. They deemed it safe and effective. And I do agree with one of the posters, it should be the parent/daughter Not the state It Here I did leave out a few small paragraphs so this post wouldn't be excessively long but if you'd like to go to the site here's the address: http://www.cdc.gov/vaccinesafety/vaers/gardasil.htm Reports of Health Concerns Following HPV Vaccination HPV Vaccine Safety The safety of the HPV vaccine was studied in 7 clinical trials before it was licensed. There were over 21,000 girls and women ages 9 through 26 in these clinical trials. As of August 31, 2008, there have been 10,326 VAERS reports of adverse events following Gardasil vaccination in the United States. Of these reports, 94% were reports of events considered to be non-serious, and 6% were reports of events considered to be serious. Based on all of the information we have today, CDC and FDA have determined that Gardasil is safe to use and effective in preventing 4 types of HPV. As with all approved vaccines, CDC and FDA will continue to closely monitor the safety of Gardasil. Any problems detected with this vaccine will be reported to health officials, healthcare providers, and the public, and needed action will be taken to ensure the public's health and safety. Non-serious adverse event reports The vast majority (94%) of the adverse events reports following Gardasil have been non-serious. Reports of non-serious adverse events after Gardasil vaccination have included fainting, pain and swelling at the injection site (the arm), headache, nausea and fever. Fainting is common after injections and vaccinations, especially in adolescents. Falls after fainting may sometimes cause serious injuries, such as head injuries, which can be easily prevented by keeping the vaccinated person seated for up to 15 minutes after vaccination. Serious adverse event reports All serious reports (6%) for Gardasil have been carefully analyzed by medical experts. Experts have not found a common medical pattern to the reports of serious adverse events reported for Gardasil that would suggest that they were caused by the vaccine. The following is a summary of the serious adverse event reports that were submitted to VAERS between June 8, 2006 and August 31, 2008.

And I do [2008-11-11]
Oftentimes we have a holiday meal here at home, rather than with the extended family. My husband will eat this casserole, and so will one of my sons, but usually only with the initial meal. I then live on it for 2-3 days, without the chicken breasts! It is just soooooo good. I did not review the recipe before posting, but OldMTs post reminded me that mine also has a pint of sour cream. I also forgot that it calls for 2 TBSP minced onion (don't care for onions either), and the Velveeta is not measured in cups, but calls for an 8-oz block. IThat -- along with a thank you, of course. I'm getting hungry!!!

for abc [2008-11-11]
One of your attitudes I am referring to is the one you exhibited in your post entitled for...to be an MT, when you referred to another poster as stuck up, stupid, and a liar about her IQ percentiles. Now you say - I do not want to make myself the target of insults which is so common on this board in case people disagree with one Why then did you disagree with that person in such a manner?

Question for abc [2008-11-11]
You are presuming what she understands, or doesn I took it to mean she was being sarcastic and mock-humble in stating only 99.6. Her tone was a bit smart-alecky, but I found it amusing, especially since people have also called me too smart for my own good before. Usually it means watch it, smarty-pants when people say that, and is used by an older authority figure on a bright youngster that is being a brat. I So what if she doesn Personally, I think its fun to yank their chains on forums.

I'm a dog lover, and most dogs love me. - sm [2008-11-10]
I can be walking down the street, simply make eye contact with one and smile without saying a word, and the dog will usually rush up to me, wagging his tail like crazy and acting all silly and lovey-dovey. In the past, some of the absolute sweetest dogs I'd ever known were pits & rotties. But that was in the ྌs, before the big 'gangsta-dog' thing became popular. Then people started breeding these dogs more for a surly attitude than for good temperament, and it seems to be a dominant trait that's getting passed forward, even when unintended. So fast-forard to 2 weeks ago. I was out walking in my neighborhood, and was coming up a long flight of sidewalk stairs that go up the steep hill I live on. Halfway up, I saw a big brown pit bull standing there looking at me. I had seen him running loose on my street earlier in the day, and wondered whose he was, but then forgot about him. He had an aggressive body-language that I didn't like. But I'm not afraid of dogs, and continuned on up the steps, and talked to him nicely as I reached the top. But then the dog totally went off, and began barking, growling, and making charges at me. I knew to stand my ground, and first tried sweet-talking him. Didn't work. If I tried to slowly move away from him in any direction, he'd come around and try to come in at me from behind. There wasn't a soul around. I tried scaring him off, but that only exacerbated the problem, so I decided to just stand there and let him do his thing. 20 minutes later, he was just as aggressive as ever, maybe worse, because his charges were coming closer and closer. The only 'weapon' in my possession was a single can of cat food in a plastic bag, that I'd walked down the hill to the market to buy. Considered whacking him with it, but didn't want to be in that close to him. Turns out the owners were in an apartment right across the street. A couple finally came out and called off the dog, stating Oh, we didn (I doubt that - the dog had been out all afternoon.) Anyway, I told them I'd call the sheriff and/or animal control if I ever saw him out again. When I got home, I called animal control anyway, and filed a formal complaint, so that if he bit anyone in the future, there would already be a complaint against him, and he likely would not be released from the shelter. Animal control said they'd follow up with the owner, which hopefully they did. In the meantime, I did 2 things: I programmed the sheriff's phone numberinto my cellphone, which I now slip into my pocket whenever I go out for a walk. Good thing to do, anyway. The other thing is I went to Army-Navy Surplus, and bought a cannister of professional-grade pepper spray. Not the wimpy, .02% 'dog-repellent'. I doubt that would stop a pitbull. I got the 15% stuff that will bring a 200-pound, raging crack-addict to his knees and keep him there for more than an hour. That goes into my pocket, as well. Now I can walk & bike with peace of mind. Meanwhile, those pitbull owners should consider themselves very lucky that their dog went after someone who knows dogs, is not afraid, and didn't RUN. If a timid woman, or worse, a child, had come up those steps that afternoon, the resulting attack might have made the 6 o'clock news that night. There are probably still some gentle pits left out there, but I think their numbers are declining because of the current fashion statement of being a 'big bad gangsta, with my big, bad gansta-dog'. They want their dogs to intimidate people, and then they wonder why they can't rent an apartment or get homeowners insurance to cover dog bites. In some cities you have to post a $30,000 bond in order to keep one. It's little wonder that unwanted pits and pit-mixes are clogging up our animal shelters. I feel sorry for the animals, but if I were adopting, I wouldn't want the financial liability of owning one.

You do not understand.....sm [2008-11-10]
what 99.6 percentile means. I explained it in my former post. It means that she scored higher than 99.6 percent of all people who took the test and only 0.4 percent scored higher than her. That means an IQ of above 150. Do you believe this? Einstein' was 165. Average is 100. Below 70 is mentally challenged.

I have had the pleasure... [2008-11-09]
....of working in several nursing homes as a CNA and nurse before coming to medical transcription. It's hard work and usually staffing is sometimes paltry, even in the good homes, but we really do care. Really. Every place has bad eggs, the hospitals, home care, etc., but everyone usually has to have some sort of heart to work in a nursing home. First things first...I always would check for jobs with this litmus test, and I recommend anyone do this. This is a make or break kind of ordeal. You look for the state inspection report. It HAS to be placed in a prominent place in the facility. If you cannot find it readily, ask where it is. If there is anything going on with hiding these documents, you leave and never come back. The other thing is to smell for stale urine or strong air fresheners. If you smell either of those, leave. (Do not check for BM smell--the smell often radiates and may be new, for lack of a better term.) Look at the residents. Do many of them seem content? Do you see aides with gait belts around their waists? Do the nurses look terribly stressed? Please also do not judge by tones of voices in the direct care staff. Often the staff must talk very directly, succintly, and abruptly--it sometimes comes off as harsh, but it's not--for particular residents to hear and/or understand. If you go in a facility in the evening, often the place is chaotic, particularly if there are demented residents. There is a condition known as sundowning that is very, very real. The ones with dementia who are sundowning may give the impression that care is not being given due to the chaos and behaviors brought by the condition. It's not the case. Usually these residents are kept in common areas until they are calm enough to retire for the night. If you go in the nighttime, often there is one night nurse for about 65ish residents. If you are so inclined to come in at this time and do not see anyone at the nurse's station for some time, know that the nurse may be tending to a medical issue and the CNAs are tending to personal care of the residents. If you ever see nurses eating a sandwich in one hand and writing in another hand while sitting at the nurse's station, this is sometimes the only break he or she gets. It's not out of disrespect that this is done. It is so that nurse can care for the residents as best as he or she can. What you are describing in your original post, unfortunately, is quite common, from what I have seen. Two people who are married a long time will often pass not too far apart. It seems people often do decide when they will go. As a nurse, it's one of the more incredible things I've seen. When I saw it happen, I always had the sense there is an extremely strong bond between the spouses that absolutely nothing could break. I'm not trying to say anything is amiss with your mother. I'm not. It doesn't always happen that way. I hope I don't come off that way. I'm sorry you are going through this, because no one wants to send a loved one to the nursing home, yet caring for an ailing parent is one of the most stressful things anyone can experience. I have never been in your position, so I hope I don't come off as too forward, rude, or presumptuous, but I wanted to tell you a little more about what you may be getting into. If you live in Iowa, I'd recommend you to a great one that has the best nurse I've ever met working there now. He has cooked up oyster soup in our kitchen when a resident stopped eating because the resident loved oyster soup. He has taken residents fishing for the heck of it. He wears a scrub shirt with chickens on it because many of our residents were farmers and like the shirt (and because my husband has a silly sense of humor and a wife with a sewing machine). I've known CNAs who buy (with their own money) residents pop and even steak just because the resident wanted it and could have it. Shoot, lots of us do it, even when we don't have a lot of money to our names. I loved to sing with the residents that had dementia (music seems to be retained) and chat about life with the residents who had their faculties. I promise it's not all doom and gloom. Sure, nursing homes could do better, but if you find the right one, it may just work out. All my best to you and your mother.

Could someone help with posting a pic, please [2008-11-08]
Every time I have tried to do this by clicking on a javascript error occurs, with javascript:void(0); in the bar at the bottom of my screen. I thought I had uploaded a pic withno problems here before, but cannot seem to do it today. I finally was able to get my son to take a couple of pictures of my recliner with footpedal setup and was all geared up to post them TIA for any advice/assistance!

Thanks everyone so far.. [2008-11-07]
Regarding the last post, I know I should be grateful, and I will be mindful of that. I will start making a list, and try to delegate from there. I think the main root of the problem is that I don Threats and bribes don Not to give an excuse, but as an MT I have diagnosed myself with ADD...and find it really hard to be focus and not feel overwhelmed. Thanks for listening today. XX