Just some pros and cons of private college

Private counseling [2008-11-21]
Go to a private counselor yourself if he wonANONYMOUS programs attract those who do not get it and go around town blabbing your business, ruining your lives even moreso. Yes, they save lives but they often ruin them with their gossip, even the name gossip hisses, it ruins lives, topples marriages, loses jobs. Be sure before you let these people into your personal, private lives and your homes. Sometimes private, closed-door counseling is the best way to go. Then if you are both comfortable with going public that is your own personal decision. Beware of who you let into your life. If you were going to take a plane ride you would want to know the pilot.

What kind of college degree? [2008-11-09]
I can't believe a degree would be useless!

Pros and cons [2008-10-23]
It would probably be about half that to do it yourself, but time is money. The only thing I would warn you about and be prepared for is that SS and other professional carpet cleaners, no matter what the quote is, will try to sell you 'extras.' Just be prepared to say no if you don't think you need what they are offering. I think the do-it-yourself is just as effective and I actually like doing it (a break from sitting on my bum all day LOL), but again, time is money.

College fund? Yeah ah, what's that? [2008-10-13]
pay their own way. College for my kids is the least of my worries. I am just trying to keep food on the table and the bills paid that keep going up and up. No, I don The hospital I came from that outsourced my job overseas just laid off 30 people last week. It Job hunting? Well let's just say if you can find one that pays more, then go for it, but there's always that learning curve. Thank God I work from home and find no need to purchase new attire for the season. We haven Our salary is $80,000.00 a year combined, and we still live paycheck to paycheck basically with 2 kids to clothe and feed. Christmas? I So, not all is me, me, me, now, now, now... Am I blessed? Yes, I am. We both have jobs and an income and healthcare. Vacation and college????? Privileges as far as I If my kid wants a college education, he He'll have a place to live (right here).

Try community college first sm [2008-10-07]
It was not cool for my kids to go to college locally, so we literally wasted good money on out-of-state high brow -- only to find unhappiness at missing the friends, girlfriends, etc. One ended up back in state at a good university at a much less drain on our budget and he is now a professor there. Canreal stuff such as grad school, etc., which is almost imperative today to compete. Good luck!!!

College search - For those of you who have had experience - [2008-10-06]
In your opinion, is it more fruitful to go on an open house when all the departments are out there with handouts and such, or on individual or small group appointments with maybe a little more one-on-one? I'm overwhelmed already, and we've only been to two colleges!

Both of my sons are in college now. [2008-10-06]
It's very easy to become overwhelmed quickly during the search. My husband and I approached the process a little differently. We didn't do anything like the other parents and high school juniors/seniors were doing. We did pretty much... well nothing. We let our kids lead in the process. We didn't even look at the applications unless our sons asked us to. We felt that our job was to guide them and to keep them from getting caught up in the college search mania that seems to grip everyone during those last two years in high school. My husband and I went to the same, very large university (Temple U). Back all those years ago, it just seemed that there wasncollege experience for us was living at home and going to school. College was more of a practical work-and-study experience for us. And we received very good educations. Fast forward to our own children. We told both of our sons that they should think of their college experience as the preliminary work for their careers. They didnexperience. Our oldest son was not quite sure what he wanted to do, so he wisely chose to spend a year at the local community college. We were thrilled! It cost us less than his high school tuition! He checked out different options and settled on a meteorology major. With that decided, he discovered that there was only one school that we could afford and that had a great program. He applied, was accepted, and his community college credits transferred. He is now a junior. Our younger son wants to be an engineer, though heoptions and fits. Why such a long post that seems a bit off-topic? Well, because I see so many people stress over this decision. It really isn't the end of the world. It's four short years of a person's life. They're important years, to be sure. But they don't have to be make or break years. Most college students will change majors at some point, many will transfer to other schools. These decisions can be re-made later on. You are in the market for a product, just as if you were shopping for a car or other big ticket item. Try to keep calm about it so that your student doesn't pick up on the stress. It is stressful, but if you keep it all in perspective, the stress doesn't have to feel so overwhelming. And for the short answer: We liked visiting the schools at open house to get a general feel for the place. At that point you can usually tell if the school is a viable option or not. If not, no reason to revisit. If yes, then visit again and make an appointment for a personal tour and/or interview. Don't worry! You'll survive!

That is what stinks about private schools - sm [2008-10-01]
my kids used to attend private school, one reason I pulled them out was this one girl who bullied everyone, she was allowed to hurt kids, over and over again because the school wanted the tuition money and the father donated thousands of dollars in money, time, and construction labor to the school, and they were constantly giving things just so their daughter would not get kicked out. After trying to stangle someone the parents were finally told they had to get the girl some help and now she is on medication, but it took 4 years before the school did anything. The girl is still there, friendless basically, all the kids in her class cannot stand her, and she is just a pain in general. It is very sad in a way, if the parents had gotten her help a lot sooner she probably would not have allienated all the kids in her class (20 or so).

college was definitely wasted on me [2008-09-09]
First I tried sociology, then quit to get married. Then I tried nursing school but couldn't deal with it anymore, so I purposefully got pregnant so I could quit in my last semester of school (first trimester of the pregnancy). I'm just not smart enough for that stuff anyway.

I depends on the person/student. Not everyone is cut out for college. [2008-09-08]
And it would sure help if the local school systems would actually TEACH things like English grammar, etc. Isn't that more important than reading Hemingway?

Is College Worth It? [2008-09-08]
As parents pack their youngsters off to college, they might ask themselves whether itAmerica The U.S. Department of Education statistics show that 76 out of 100 students who graduate in the bottom 40 percent of their high school class do not graduate from college, even if they spend eight and a half years in college. That's even with colleges having dumbed down classes to accommodate such students. Only 23 percent of the 1.3 million students who took the ACT college entrance examinations in 2007 were prepared to do college-level study in math, English and science. Even though a majority of students are grossly under-prepared to do college-level work, each year colleges admit hundreds of thousands of such students. While colleges have strong financial motives to admit unsuccessful students, for failing students the experience can be devastating. They often leave with their families, or themselves, having piled up thousands of dollars in debt. There is possibly trauma and poor self-esteem for having failed, and perhaps embarrassment for their families. Dr. Nemko says that worst of all is that few of these former college students, having spent thousands of dollars, wind up in a job that required a college education. It's not uncommon to find them driving a taxi, working at a restaurant or department store, performing some other job that they could have had as a high school graduate or dropout. What about students who are prepared for college? First, only 40 percent of each year 45 percent never graduate at all. Often, having a college degree does not mean much. According to a 2006 Pew Charitable Trusts study, 50 percent of college seniors failed a test that required them to interpret a table about exercise and blood pressure, understand the arguments of newspaper editorials, and compare credit card offers. About 20 percent of college seniors did not have the quantitative skills to estimate if their car had enough gas to get to the gas station. According a recent National Assessment of Adult Literacy, the percentage of college graduates proficient in prose literacy has declined from 40 percent to 31 percent within the past decade. Employers report that many college graduates lack the basic skills of critical thinking, writing and problem-solving. Colleges are in business. Students are a cost. Research is a profit center. When colleges boast about having this professor who has won a science award or that professor who has won the Nobel Prize, very often an undergraduate student will never be taught by that professor. It is a bait and switch tactic and very often your youngster will take classes not taught by a professor but taught in large classes by a graduate student. Faculty who bring in large grants are more highly valued than faculty who teach well. Teaching excellence is so often undervalued that the late Ernest Boyer, vice president for Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching, quipped that, Winning the campus teaching award is the kiss of death when it comes to tenure. Parents and taxpayers cough up billions upon billions of dollars to the nationbait and switch, confer fraudulent degrees and engage in other practices that would bring legal sanctions if done by any other business. There is little or no oversight of the nationChoosing the Right College (http://isi.org/college_guide/choosing_right_college.html).

I realize this is a private matter, but [2008-08-24]
is there someone close to the both of you that could be present when you tell him. Ordinarily, I would recommend meeting him in a public place, but in this case, since it is a financial affair, I wouldn However, if there is someone you are both close to, perhaps you could have them present (even if only in the other room) while you tell him. Another possibility may be to discuss this with your in-laws first. Again, I wouldn Depending on their reaction, perhaps you could all sit down together and they could help you work this out. If all else fails, call your attorney and schedule a meeting where he will mediate. I would not tell this man alone in person. It doesna safe thing to do.

Just some pros and cons of private college [2008-06-24]
Pros Academic excellence. At the private university learning is the emphasis more than the curriculum itself. The curriculum is rigorous and the course-work is unending, but learning is the central focus at such schools. If you plan on working during school, it is very difficult to balance a full-time schedule at a private university with a work schedule. The time commitment required to succeed in a given class is high, and this will ultimately interfere with your ability to work. Close-knit community. The student community is an integral part of most private colleges. This can be difficult for more independent students who prefer a less hands on approach. The students communicate closely with professors both in and out of class and the students themselves attempt to involve everyone in campus activities. Involvement in the student community is one of the keys to enjoying your college experience at a private college. Involved students. The classroom dynamic is much different at a private university than at a public school. Most students are entirely committed to their academic success. They participate actively in classroom discussions, complete coursework, and are fully engaged in the classroom culture. Top-notch professors. Like the professors at state universities, the instructors at private universities have track records that attest to their personal academic achievements. While most are reputable, professors at private colleges tend to be more loyal to the college they work for and more interested in the achievements of their students. Merit scholarships. The listed tuition is the highest at private colleges; however, what students actually pay for tuition is usually lower. When a student is interested in a private university and the school is interested in the student, both parties begin negotiating tuition by way of grants, merit scholarships, and other financial incentives. Thus, students with a good G.P.A. and knock out test scores should consider applying to any private institutions that they are interested in. Class size. Even at larger private colleges the class size is contained. There are still lecture halls, but typically, fewer teaching assistants and more professors. At small private colleges classes can be as small as 10 or 12 students. Cons Homogeneous population. If you are looking for a more diverse student body that recruits kids from all walks of life, you aren�t likely to find it at a private college. If you are interested in a particular university, check it out first. It�s definitely a good idea to get a feel for what type of students they attract and their current student body is a good indicator. Demanding schedule. The heavy workload makes it difficult to balance extracurricular activities, a job, and a social life at a private college. It�s a good idea to identify your priorities before setting out to attend a school that cost $30 thousand a year. Your parents will appreciate your consideration and you will avoid unnecessary conflicts. Cost of tuition. Tuition is high, even for a good education. If money is no object�go private. If finances are a primary concern, consider all of your alternatives before committing yourself to a decade of debt. Transferring credits. Private universities each have different crediting methods. If the university that you choose doesn�t work for you it may be difficult to transfer and retain all the credits you have earned.

Private vs state college. [2008-06-24]
My daughter has been accepted to U of Tampa, a private college. She will be a transfer student from a community college.However, she is also entertaining going to U of South FL(St. Pete campus). Financially it At USF, she will be covered 75% by Bright Futures.We will have to take out loans for housing for either. We are having extreme anxiety over this. Both campuses are very nice, but her personality is more condusive to the St. Pete (state college) atmosphere. ItUT which is in the middle of downtown Tampa. There are so many factors and if I enumerated them here, well, ya But her major concern is learning and her second concern is being happy in her environment. We are not big city folk, but I have no doubt wherever she goes, she will succeed. I just want her to have the best experience possible. In my heart I think USF is best, but she thinks resume-wise, a private college would look better. Also,she is having a problem with turning downthe grants/scholarships ($15,000) from UT and opting for a state school. Let me also briefly say that her program of study is very strong at both schools and she has links with a professor at one of the schools who is advising her, but nonbiased (so he's helpful, but not enough to say GO HERE! lol) I I don't know... She's going to have to make this decision on her own, but if any of ya'll have any input regarding either school or the area or college experience with state vs private, I would really appreciate a word or two! One more thing... she Not that that's a big consideration, but a comfort zone is a good thing? And... I would move there with her IN A HEARTBEAT (either place), but my son is about to enter an AS program (radiology) at the community college here and that track cannot be interrupted... just wanted to give all pertinent info for best input by ya'll.

My daughter is currently attending a private [2008-06-24]
college and she absolutely loves it. She just finished her freshman year. While she could have gone with full tuition to both state colleges, she chose the private school and with her grants/scholarships, etc. her dad and I are only paying about $2000 a year. Her school is so much smaller, the class sizes are approximately 15 to 20 students (if that many) and all the professors are very supportive and actually interested in all the students. She has told me there is no way she would go to a larger, public institution just because of the astmosphere. The entire campus is bascially just 1 big happy family. It was an adjustment for her, but she had attended a state scholars program the year before, so she had lived away from home last summer, plus she is only 90 miles away from home now, so she basically comes home every weekend. My daughter likes the school being small (it is smaller than her high school) and enjoys the family-like feel. Whatever your daughter decides, I am sure she will be happy whereever she goes, but IMO the private college is the way to go. The private college my daugher attends is ranked in the top 10 liberal art colleges in the country, and she has been told that a diploma from there does more than just get your foot in the door for job interviews. I don't know about all of the private colleges, but where she is they do help with locating employment after college and have a 95% success rate with that to. There is just more individual attention at a smaller school, which really helped her out with her freshman year which is a hard enough transition anyway.

I miss college and Carnation Instant Breakfast in a nice tall glass of ice cold milk. [2008-05-20]
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My first day of college. He was a senior, I was a freshman. [2008-04-08]
We didn't date until the end of my sophomore year and after he had graduated, but we were part of the same circle of friends. When I first met him, he was listening to a transister radio with a single earpiece. (Anyone remember those?) He was waiting to hear when Led Zeppelin concert tickets were going on sale. We've been married 23 years, and are still going strong. (And our youngest child will be attending that same university in the fall.)

Parents DO NOT owe kids college education. [2008-04-04]
When DD started college we paid,,,, at first. But she did NOTHING to help herself. From her part time job, all her money went to nails, clothes, meals out with friends, etc. She did nothing about getting scholarships. After 1st year, I said I wouldnt pay anything else. DH continued to help her. She did apply for scholarship thru DH work and got $2000. Of that money, she ended up dropping a class paid for with that money, cause it was too early (8:00am). Bottom line, she did nothing towards finishing school, in fact, quit going, did not increase work hours. I stopped giving her ANY money at that point. She ended up marrying Marine boyfriend and is now working at Dollar Store. These were HER choices, instead of completing her teaching degree, of which she only had 2 years to go. I told her why should I spend my hard earned money on her when she was doing absolutely nothing to help herself. She knew if she was making an effort to her future I would help her, but not if she wasnt doing anything for herself.

As poster of daughter who misused college help [2008-04-04]
I did it cause I wanted to, not cause I thought I owed it to her. I told her from K that if she wanted a guarantee of college she better get the grades cause couldnt promise we could help her. I just happened to be in a position that I could help when the time came. I have already told DS not to expect the same as we did for DD, cause I was not going to throw my money away. Now, if he makes an effort to help himself, sure, I will help but I will not throw good money after bad. He also knows we are not going to buy him a car, as we did for DD, cause that was a disaster too. Some may say this is unfair, but I see it was a parental learning experience.

Divorced parents college agreement? [2008-04-03]
Those of you who are divorced and have children......how did you agree (or how would you agree) to pay for your child's college education? can you please share with me how your agreement is worded in your contract....if you do not want to respond to this post please email me....I am needing help ASAP!!! Thanks in advance....

I think in this day and age parents should plan a way for their kids to attend college (sm) [2008-04-03]
$1000 a month is nothing compared to what it actually takes to raise two kids.

There's more to college costs than just [2008-04-03]
the tuition. Parents have a responsibility to their children to see to it that they are educated in a manner that prepares them for a career, not flipping burgers. I know that that wasn You canin the world without some kind of degree and not helping your children with their education is selfish. That He/she can certainly get a part-time job to help with books, living expenses, etc. I see nothing wrong with the child taking out the standard student loan either, but dumping them out the door at 18 with nothing more thana high school education is not being a responsible parent. Perhaps that So many parents don It Judging by your responses, I They obviously had no control over that money that was given to their mother. While my children aren't ready for college yet, one thing I have learned already is that you never stop being a parent.

Okay, Utah passed a law permitting college students to now carry guns. sm [2008-02-21]
I am very for this and think it's a great idea. Now let's see how many colleges in Utah have shoot outs like those in the other states. I bet shooters will think twice about going in and blowing a place up knowing that there are probably many people carrying concealed weapons. I would feel much safer in a Utah college than anywhere else.

REPORT: Another college campus shooting. sm [2008-02-14]
From MSNBC: A gunman opened fire Thursday in a lecture hall on the campus of Northern Illinois University, wounding as many as 15 people

Also didn't mention the money issue at the party, just in private to her (nm) [2008-02-04]
x

Private counseling [2008-11-21]
Go to a private counselor yourself if he wonANONYMOUS programs attract those who do not get it and go around town blabbing your business, ruining your lives even moreso. Yes, they save lives but they often ruin them with their gossip, even the name gossip hisses, it ruins lives, topples marriages, loses jobs. Be sure before you let these people into your personal, private lives and your homes. Sometimes private, closed-door counseling is the best way to go. Then if you are both comfortable with going public that is your own personal decision. Beware of who you let into your life. If you were going to take a plane ride you would want to know the pilot.

You know, this is a good idea. I need [2008-11-19]
to finish out my 19-year-old's. She is away at college, so I think that would be a perfect fit for yer. Thanks!!

We only buy for our two sons, and they are older. [2008-11-19]
The youngest (18) wants a decent digital camera, so I think about $250 to $300 range plus some stocking stuffers. Oldest son is easily pleased. HeIndiana Jones style hat, and a book so far. We may round out his gifts with cash, since he's a starving college student. Husband and I do not exchange gifts. My birthday is the day after Christmas, and that is just dinner out for the two of us. Our 24th anniversary is in January, and I already know that I want to get him an iPod. His 50th birthday is in April, and I would love to have a party for him. I'm definitely saving up for that, but it will be a relaxed party. While are Christmas will be fairly simple, looking ahead, I'm trying to budget for some other things.

Last month I spent $321 for 3 of us. [2008-11-18]
It's just DH, 18 year-old son, and I. We live in the Philadelphia area. We generally eat far less meat than most American families, but we aren't vegetarian. My son commutes to a nearby university and works there, as well. He provides his own lunches, and probably only eats breakfast at home half of the time. Now, if you want to factor in what we pay for the meal plan for our son who lives away at college, well then... that's a whole other story! KA-CHING!

I'm in Delaware also and spend about $150 a week plus sm [2008-11-18]
send care packages to my son in college. I also go every two weeks and my bill comes to about $300. I wait until my fridge is empty and my cupboards are half empty. Then, I muster up the energy to do the food shopping. I hate that job....... If my hubby goes, he spends way less and buys only sale items. I, on the other hand, like to buy all the goodies....

Grapes of Wrath had an accompanying movie sm [2008-11-14]
Tobacco Road - never saw such depressing movies back-to-back in my life, but they were truthful. Saw them in college for history lessons. Can you believe some people are going to put more on their kids by telling them he truth about Santa in this awful time? Talk about depression -- did we come this far to go back in attitude - read some of the above posts - probably born again and saved and we are the lost. I doubt it, I think we have lived it and don't want to see that negative attitude again. Oh boy, flaming, her we come. I am going on a 2-week hiatus. Fight on! Worse than the politics board - too much negativism in what is already a troubled time. Think positive! Geez! Santa, I love you!

backup plan [2008-11-13]
I I have a FT hourly QA job, PT hourly QA job, transcribe pt and also am gathering some transcription from a local teaching university. At this point I don I feel very lucky that I can work as much as possible from home-I I have a lot of debt, not behind but want to get out from under it. 2 kids in college....so far not too expensive as they are both at a JC. Christmas will be all cash and much skimpier this year. If I didn I am just crossing my fingers and toes that my husband doesn Times are tough tough tough. But they could be worse.

FYI [2008-11-11]
This information comes from the Mensa International web site: Mensa was founded in England in 1946 by Roland Berrill, a barrister, and Dr. Lance Ware, a scientist and lawyer. They had the idea of forming a society for bright people, the only qualification for membership of which was a high IQ. The original aims were, as they are today, to create a society that is non-political and free from all racial or religious distinctions. The society welcomes people from every walk of life whose IQ is in the top 2% of the population, with the objective of enjoying each other's company and participating in a wide range of social and cultural activities. Mensans range in age from 4 to 94, but most are between 20 and 60. In education they range from preschoolers to high school dropouts to people with multiple doctorates. There are Mensans on welfare and Mensans who are millionaires. As far as occupations, the range is staggering. Mensa has professors and truck drivers, scientists and firefighters, computer programmers and farmers, artists, military people, musicians, laborers, police officers, glassblowers--the diverse list goes on and on. There are famous Mensans and prize-winning Mensans, but there are many whose names you wouldn't know. The term IQ score is widely used but poorly defined. There are a large number of tests with different scales. The result on one test of 132 can be the same as a score 148 on another test. Some intelligence tests don't use IQ scores at all. Mensa has set a percentile as cutoff to avoid this confusion. Candidates for membership in Mensa must achieve a score at or above the 98th percentile on a standard test of intelligence (a score that is greater than or equal to that achieved by 98 percent of the general population taking the test). As this list suggests, Mensa is a remarkably diverse organization. While Some Mensans noted here are well known, many others lead interesting lives out of the public eye. Geena Davis: Academy-award winning actress, who has starred in The Long Kiss Goodnight, A League of Their Own, Thelma and Louise and Hero. Donald Petersen: A former chairman of Ford Motor Company. While at Ford, Petersen was involved in the development of two of Ford's most successful cars--the Mustang and the Maverick. Marilyn Vos Savant: Listed in the Guinness Hall of Fame for having the worldAsk Marilyn!, a weekly column in Parade magazine. Bobby Czyz: A former two-time World Boxing Association (WBA) Cruiserweight Champion. Czyz now commentates on many nationally-broadcasted fights. Dr. Julie Peterson: A former Playboy Playmate, Peterson is a graduate of Life School of Chiropractic. Alan Rachins: Portrays DharmaDharma Greg. Rachins, who left the Wharton School of Finance to pursue an acting career, also portrayed Douglas Brachman on the hit TV series, L.A. Law. Adrian Cronauer: Radio personality, lawyer and subject for the movie Good Morning Vietnam. Terance Black: Screenwriter of HBOTales from the Crypt, syndicated series Dark Justice and the feature film Dead Heat. Barry Nolan: Co-anchor of TVHard Copy. Deborah Yates: Member of the world-famous Radio City Rockettes. Bob Speca, Jr.: Professional domino toppler. Speca travels internationally doing domino shows and has appeared on TV programs and commercials. John N. Moore: University of Virginia law professor who specializes in international law. Moore was hired by the U.S. ambassador to Kuwait to help the emirate recover damages inflicted during the August 2, 1990 invasion. Jean Auel: Best-selling author of Clan of the Cave Bear, Valley of Horses, and Plains of Passage. Linda Warwick: Creator and producer of the billboard mega-hit childrensBabymugs!, and the Toddler TOGS series--the fantasy video for highly creative tots. Maurice Kanbar: Inventor and owner of Skyy Vodka. Henry Milligan: A boxer and scholar, Milligan was the 1983 National Amateur Heavyweight champion. Patricia P. Jennings: Pianist with the Pittsburgh Symphony. She is the symphony's first black member and has performed internationally. Richard Lederer: A master of the pun. Lederer has written dozens of books on word play and is a frequent guest on National Public Radio. Judge Ellen Morphonios: Nicknamed Maximum Morphonios for her strict rulings in Florida. Morphonios is a former model and beauty queen who passed a Florida exam that allowed her to enter law school without an undergraduate degree. Richard Bolles: Author of What Color is Your Parachute? which at one point had been on The New York Times Best-seller List for 228 weeks. Velma Jeremiah: A retired attorney who graduated fourth in her law school class at the age of 47. She is a former chairwoman of Mensa International. Dr. Abbie F. Salny: Author of the Mensa Quiz-a-Day books and calendars. Dr. Salny is a retired college professor and expert in intelligence who has served as Mensa's supervising psychologist. Note: most of the members listed are members of American Mensa.

I had to place my mom in a nursing home [2008-11-09]
temporarily when she broke her hip the first time. It was very hard. (I had made a promise to her that I would never put her in one when she got older.) I visited her every day and every day she begged to come home. Shedidnand encourage her to keep up because the sooner she could walk with little assistance, the sooner she could come home. The PT team was great, too, always encouraging her, and she did her best. I found out that they had a hairdresser that came in every week and I paid to get her a haircut and style. After that, she kind of settled in a little bit, but still begged to come home. Thank heavens, she was only there2 months. I don't think I could have stood it much longer. Then when it was time to come home, she wanted to bring the furniture with her. LOL They had cherry dressers and headboards. It was almost like a regular bedroom. Momhe sat there for hours. No one came to see if he needed anything. The room was awful, so small andcheap furniture with old iron hospital beds. Reminded me of a regular hospital. Talked to his son and that's all the insurance company would cover for him so he was stuck. As the other poster said, research the homes as much as possible. Go when the activities and/or PT is taking place and just watch. Talk to the people that live there if possible. Talk to activity director, DON, etc. before deciding. Check the rooms. Watch to see if the CNAinsurance runs out; i.e., where the patients go after that. Mom would have been transferred to the first (MediCare) floor, but she came home before that.

nursing home decision [2008-11-09]
I am living this as we speak. My father died in March of 2007. My mother became bedridden in June 2007. I had hospice come in to assist, Home Health and Hospice to be exact, and they are wonderful. They actually have their own private nursing home-type facility in the next town over. With hospice, on an occasional basis and when a bed is available, they offer the caregiver a 5-day respite at their facility. After momma went for the first time she was offered a bed there and I immediately accepted. The facility is very small and only for the 3HC clientele, with only 12 private rooms divided into 2 sides - one side with 6 beds for the terminal clients and one side with 6 beds for residential clients. Momma was able to stay on the residential side for 7 months; however, her condition was stable and Medicare would no longer pay the fee. Momma came home after that and I have again been her primary caregiver since January of this year. She is contractured, bedridden, and rarely speaks or opens her eyes. I do have a sitter that works during the daytime hours M-F so that I can actually work, run errands when I need to, and get the kids to and from school because otherwise I cannot leave the house at all because momma cannot be left alone. I feel blessed to have found this line of work not quite 6 years ago. I have a 4-1/2 year old and a 6 year old and momma to care for so working from home has been a lifesaver. I, too, made the promise to momma that I would not put her in a nursing home and I will stand by that. Itcare most of the public places provide. It's a tough decision to make - even tougher if there aren't funds available like there are in our case (thanks to my great daddy) to pay for the sitter to come in and assist. But when the sitter isn't here, the kids and I must be. For the most part they understand, but sometimes they really just want to go somewhere or to the park or to McDonalds and we just can't do it. It's a huge personal sacrifice for your entire family to make to keep a parent at home. The decision isn't always just personal, though. It can be financial, too. You will make the right decision for whatever your situation is. Whatever you decide to do, just know that your parent respects you enough to make that decision for them and that they love you. Best of luck to you honey... hugzzzzz

nursing home - hardest decision ever sm [2008-11-09]
I had also made those promises to my folks, Dad was kept home on hospice 14 months, he had suffered brain damage from not being found for hours and was awful to all of us but we managed with a hospital bed, hospice and nurses, however, my whole family fell apart, fighting, etc., until he fell so many times and was so sick, we called 911 one night for help and hospice literally threw us out of the program. You are supposed to call them (in my state anyway) and they will sit with you while you watch them take their last breaths. Could not go through with that. Then we had no choice but nursing home, they took every cent they could get their hands on without touching my momshow up to check on them. Sometimes theyassisted living scenario, and after they clean out the bank book, they put them in a nursing home anyway, so thatsandwich generation between what to do with the parent and if you have kids, what is best for them. Itshow up and if you don it's tough to walk that walk. Take care, hopefully you will make the right decision. In some states you can have her in a nursing home and if she qualifies, you can also have hospice go in there for special care such as you desire for her comfort. Good luck, know we are all thinking of you.

I did it a couple year ago , got 130 or 135 forget - sm [2008-11-09]
which, but either is a very respectable score. My one brother has a genius IQ, and my other is very intelligent, and I have a good head on my shoulders.....though have a usless college degree for the most part, may go back one of these days and get an accounting degree or nursing, who knows.

My sons are 18 and 20. [2008-11-04]
One lives at college and the other is living at home while attending college. When they were both at home and under 18 I had the same rules as you, basically. During the week, except for their activity obligations of school, sports, scouts, they didnhang out time. It did help that their high school was in the next county, and most of their school friends lived some distance away. When girlfriends came along, life was a little different. My oldest dated a girl who lived down the street. My youngest dated a girl who lived a good 30-minute drive away. Lucky for me, their parents had the same rules for hanging out. It was pretty much weekends only. My boys accepted it all in stride. But I have to say that I've been pretty strict about their attitude all of their lives. Since they first began to speak, they learned not to give attitude to their parents. In return, we always treated them with respect. The few times that they did raise their voices as teenagers, our conversation came to an end, and their requests were denied with no chance for a reversal of that decision. Worked nicely. But, again, I have to say we were very lucky in that most of their friends weren't right in our neighborhood and their girlfriends had the same rules. The payoff is that now as responsible young adults, they've developed a good work ethic. Even my son living at college does well managing his free time, and will be an RA in his dorm next year, partly because he's shown maturity and isn't goofing off at college. (And I'm glad not to have to pay all of the room and board! Hooray!)

I have a 17 year old daughter, a senior. [2008-11-04]
She actually doesn't ask to be out during the school week. She's in drama club and working on college applications and homework. If she did ask, I think as long as her homework was done I'd probably let her be out until about 9:00. Her bedtime isn't until 11, but she needs the wind-down time. Weekends, it's midnight.

thank you so much..i am planning to ask the mgr for new apt...sm [2008-11-01]
I have lived in apartments all my live and have never experienced anything as noxious as this lady Thank you all so much for your comments, since my DH does not care to exert himself, it is all on me, and so I will ask for another apt. It If that doesn Thanks again. I sincerely appreciate your great advice.

She IS cute, but mine is even cuter! sm [2008-10-31]
You have to know, I am NOT a dog person, although dogs think I am. We never had them growing up. I have not been around them and when I have, I mostly can't stand them. They are either filthy and stink, have terrible behavior or terrible owner behavior towards them. It is always something. I would have told you I hate dogs, especially little poodles. THEN, I downsized because the family grew up and moved out (well for now). I had not been here 3 months when I looked at my fenced yard and my loneliness, and started thinking about a dog. I thought I wanted a big dog because I have poor balance and I trip and fall all the time. A friend who used to breed poodles told me I wanted a poodle or a bichon. She said that poodles don't shed and that I probably needed a small dog. They often live longer with fewer problems and make better companions for quiet people who don't (in my case can't) take them out walking. Then, she got a poodle puppy for herself. OMG I was IN LOVE. I said, find me a poodle! She said it could take a while, but she'd find me a red poodle. She called the next morning, my pup was on her way here. She was sold to me as red, but she is apricot with white trim. Yup, a 2-tone poodle. She was 8 weeks old, tiny and adorable. I was terrified of her, but I was determined I'd learn to love her and I'd take very gentle loving care of her, no matter how scared and stupid I felt. I'd take her out and play with her and hope I could manage to house break her when I had not a clue. We had many issues over finding a food she could tolerate without puking or scours, but we got there. You know, she was house broken in under 3 weeks. I worked at teaching her to fetch a little ball and bring it back and she does it beautifully now (she is almost 2). She knows that I require she beg for a treat properly, so that I know what she is asking for and she knows she will get it. She knows how to tell me she needs to go out. When I got her, I said, that dog will N-E-V-E-R sleep in my bed. That lasted until she could jump up on my bed with me and I could not keep her off. She can sleep without me some, but I can't sleep without her at all. She has never chewed a shoe, never peed in something she should not, never chewed furniture or anything like that. My daughter says she is spoiled. She has a basket of toys and she really does play with them. When she was in that chewy stage, I gave her tiny rawhide bones, which is why I have all my shoes intact. When I go out shopping, which is not often, I buy her a toy or a treat. She is so smart. I bring in the bags and she will go through each one to find what I got her, and never ever takes something that isn't hers. Last year when my DD came home from college for a weekend and I had not had the dog too long, she kept telling me that my dog would love her better. Nuh uh! The dog loved on her only if I was not there to do it and then ignored my DD when I was! We have the sort of relationship that every pet and every owner deserves to have. She is like an extra arm or leg, an extra heart with extra love. She is so much a part of me, and I know I am a big part of her too. I love this!!!! I still don't like other people's dogs for the most part, but I love this one to bits.

Something nice my DD said to me last night sm [2008-10-29]
She is away at college and out of the blue, my IM flashed and this is what she said: I just wanted to tell you that I am very grateful to have a mother like you. I have heard about other mothers and read in books and none of their moms listen to them like you do for me. you try to understand me and usually do. you don't tell me what to do, you make suggestions. you don�t treat me like a child and you are just awesome. I know that when I make a mistake it is not the end of the world for you and that is so important to me. You are always there for me when i need and even when I don�t. Thank you so much for being the mother that you are. You mean so much to me and I would never trade you for anyone else. I love you mom. I IMd back: OMG I don't know what to say. You know, you bring out the best in me. She said: No mom, YOU bring out the best in ME. Thank you.

I hope I'll see a message like that! [2008-10-29]
My daughter will be going away to college next year. We're very close, but it would still completely level me if I got a message like that from her! What a precious gift you have!

I've been making a "quilt" for my daughter - [2008-10-29]
I have a hard time throwing anything away, so I have material from old clothes of all of ours, plus old sheets, curtains, a shower curtain, you get the gist- I cut them up in to approximately the same size squares. I have most of them sewn together, six across and seven or eight down (about 10-inch squares). Then I think I'll buy a bedsheet for the backing and put either batting, or more probably, because I'm cheap, an inexpensive blanket in between. What I'm doing also is embroidering pictures on each of the squares, so it's turned into a multi-year project, but it will be done before she leaves for college next fall. Really, I mean it! (I started it when she was in 6th grade).

Is there a chance [2008-10-28]
he (and mother) might have mental issues? If this goes beyond family it seems as though he is missing something. I'm not saying it is an excuse but it could explain some of his actions. I always strive to understand where things are coming from. The explaination does not always change the outcome but sometimes it helps make a difficult decision a little easier to live with. One (there are a few) of my family members I spoke of was my uncle. The time I finally decided not to put any effort to talking to him was when he told me flat out that I was a screw up because I went to college for 3 years and decided to stop going because I found a great job and wanted to settle down with my now husband, who was divorced and with a child of his own. This was shortly after I was married that I spoke to him and he basically told me what a mistake I had made. Well, here I am 10 years later and my life is very happy and fulfilled. I later found out that he's an alcoholic. I still would have made my decision but its much easier knowing that I wouldn't have exposed my children to his alcoholism anyway. I also don't feel that is something you can help someone with. They have to want the help themselves.

Mattress odor [2008-10-27]
OK, this is a little gross, but I know you ladies are a fountain of knowlege about all kinds of things, so I My adult niece just left after spending 2 months living with us after a rough spot in her life. She slept in my college daughterThere is a bad smell in the room, and I can I have traced it to the mattress, mainly at the foot of the bed. She had a cat in there with her but it smells nothing like cat urine, and there are no stains at all on the mattress. I honestly think it Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do to try to get rid of this odor, short of dumping the mattress? I HELP!

I am glad things are going well for you but sm [2008-10-26]
The debt is not my main issue. My marriage is. All of the other problems are a result of the marriage being bad, and working at home in isolation. The problem is I feel I have no choice but to work at home because of my husbandnight fishing one night a week, leaving straight from work and getting home about 1 a.m., on a work night! He is very rude to me all the time and acts like he doesnI wonder what my life would be like if something ever happened to you mom. It wouldn My daughter I worry about too though not as much. I donhis and daughter is mine even though I regularly remind him that we are both parents to both children. So yes, the debt is there and it does worry me but just showing my husband my debt is not going to solve my problem. If anything it would put me more under his control and anger than I already am.

I was not out buying designer clothes or stuff for myself - sm [2008-10-25]
in my case it was we, mainly him, spent way more than we make. Everytime one of his cards got a large balance (he never looked at the statements and I pay the bills) I would tranfer it over to one of my cards, which again he never looked at, and I had a P.O. Box for--so in my case it was very, very easy to do, and with paperless statements today even easier. We had a lot of things happen in our life over the past 4 years which made the money/credit card issue much worse, easily added $40K onto it (at $89K now)--family death, serious child illness--still dealing with that some--, job loss on my part, private school tuition ($12K a year---no longer go there for the last 2 years), inability to pay bills and heavily borrowed on cards----d-u-m-b I know. So don't be so quick to judge, it is not always so black and white. Yes I did get a few things I should not have, but I know during some of this time I was depressed though not horribly so but enough so as to buy a few things I never should have, but for 95% of it it was my DH never denying himself anything (though he would have if he'd known, and now he is --granted not too happy about it---one tiny concession he has made is only 9 beers a day, down from 12, so maybe he can get 3 days out of a case of beer instead of 2.) So my days of robbing Peter to pay Paul are over. We plan to have an open book when it comes to finances once his are paid off, and mine are enrolled with a debt management plan--- then only use his cards for gas, and work stuff basically--I won't have any as they will all get destroyed and cancelled in the DMP, and will use my debit card for everything --which I do now anyway, so it won't be a huge change for me. I don't think she is lamenting, just realizing what a horrid mess she has to deal with, it is hard, and I have to deal with my DHs comments for years to come, he did a few zingers last night. I will be okay though and have to pay the piper, it is worth it not having to go through a nasty divorce and custody fight as I know it would not have been pretty.

aww Thanks! [2008-10-23]
I live a couple hours up the road from Tampa, but my daughter and I have been going down there about 5 times a year for the last 6 years to see them. Started out just going to see other teams play, but fell in love with their heart. I'm a very happy camper right now, no matter what happens. My daughter is actually at the game tonight. Her first WS game. She's really excited. She transferred down there this fall to college and what great timing LOL. Thanks again :-)

Definitely here too.. [2008-10-22]
My husband has 4 sisters - them and husbands, nieces, nephews and their families (over 18) will be receiving baked goods this year. I came across a recipe today for those dough ornaments so am going to attempt to make ornaments for them also. The hardest part will be setting a limit on our kids, we have a his, hers and an ours. My oldest son (17) and his daughter (14) have lived with their other parents this past year so won't get them as much. I will probably get my son a nice luggage set as he will be going off to college next year. Not sure what else as he gets everything he ever needs/wants from his dad. Looking for ideas for his daughter though - she's a cheerleader and does lots of traveling and like my oldest gets everything she ever needs/wants from her step-dad. So if you have any ideas, please pass them on! :) For ours, he's 7, so i've been trying to keep my ears open. He wants a Wii but I'm still not sure I can justify the price when he already has a PS2 (uses it more for playing movies than games) and a DS that he got last year. Setting a price limit will be the big thing!