Marriage Help

Gay Marriage Legalized in Connecticut [2008-11-13]
NEW HAVEN, Conn. – Same-sex couples began marrying in Connecticut on Wednesday after a judge cleared the way, a partial rebound for gay-rights activists still enraged over the vote last week that cost them the right to wed in California.Protests spread across the country over the loss in California, but in New Haven, bubbles and white balloons bounced in the chilly autumn air as well-wishers cheered the marriage of Peg Oliveira and Jennifer Vickery. They wed outside City Hall, next to a statue commemorating the Amistad slave ship's struggle for freedom, less than two hours after a judge made gay marriage a reality in Connecticut.

Upside-down marriage [2008-10-26]
Yesterday was my anniversary. Been married a looooooong time. I suggested sex, but was told my request wasn I wasn What could be easier than that?? Did I marry a girl by mistake? He wouldn

Wrong. And why do you think a same-sex marriage [2008-10-16]
a heterosexual one? The ceremony is exactly the same... we're not talking voodoo and witch-doctors, here. Unlike too many other parts of this country, SF is more tolerant and forward-thinking. I know that's a scary concept in some places, but homophobia, violence and hatred towards people who appear 'different' is a scary concept out here. I love SF's diversity, color, vibrance and tolerance. That's why even though it's ridiculously expensive to live here, especially for an MT, I just couldn't stomach living anywhere else.

Nothing wrong with believing in man/woman-only marriage, [2008-10-16]
By getting married, same-sex couples aren't 'forcing' anything on anyone. Nor are they hurting or threatening anyone. They're just trying to practice their own religious beliefs. If they're not religious, then they get a civil union, or don't get married at all. Exactly the same as the rest of us. It's just NOT any big deal.

Sounds like you have a good marriage.... [2008-09-27]
and have not had the chance to experience being alone. I also would never get married again as I love living alone, comfortable in my own skin and do not need anyone to make my life whole. I also think it is older women who feel this way. I think when you hit your 40's, you find yourself and realize your wants and needs that make you happy. You are not constantly making other people happy and ignoring yourself. As for me, I could not imagine living with someone again. It would be an intrusion on my life - a life I love. You really have no right to say how sad. You are happily married and I congratulate you. I am happily single as are many other people who do not have to depend on a man or anyone for that matter for their happiness. Happiness comes from within.

Before & After Marriage.. [2008-09-18]
Before marriage..... He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: No! Don't even think about it. She: Do you love me? He: Of course! Over and over! She: Have you ever cheated on me? He: No! Why are you even asking? She: Will you kiss me? He: Every chance I get. She: Will you hit me? He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person! She: Can I trust you? He: Yes. She: Darling! After marriage.... Simply read from bottom to top.

i agree, if people didn't have sex outside of marriage, then [2008-09-16]
unless i'm wrong, but i don't think too many married woman are aborting babies who are fathered by their husbands. i think the overwhelming majority are babies that are the product of people married to each other

If it's you second marriage and the first one [2008-08-22]
DidnSave it for the divorce - LMAO

How about good ideas for upcoming marriage [2008-08-20]
Any good ideas for someone getting married in the next year or so? A second marriage and not planning to have much of a ceremony. (Where, what to wear, etc.) Thanks for any ideas.

Not all 2nd marriage brides [2008-06-18]
had a shower with the first marriage and missed out on the exp. Not all mothers of 2nd and 3rd babies ever had a baby shower with the first or second... Sometimes its just nice to have the party since the woman in question may not have ever had the fun of such. I know I had never even been invited to any parties other, or if I had been, never had the opportunity to attend.

Marriage Help [2008-05-26]
Am hoping to hear advise from other in my shoes. Been married 18 years and completely and totally unhappy. Husband doesn't beat me, is a good provider, just not in love any longer. Kids involved under age 14. Do I stay or do I go? Trying to stay until kids leave house but very hard - hard to even look at him. He has told me i am average but he love me, has corrected all my mistakes throughout the years, because only he and God are perfect oh but he loves me more than anything! A year ago he wrote me a letter that pointed out all my flaws and could not understand why I wanted him to leave. Please advise. I am so terribly sad and miserable and don't know what to do. State I live in very expensive and would never want to move my kids elsewhere. Hints on staying in an unhappy marriage would be great.

Bad marriage [2008-05-26]
Hi Done: I left last September after 30 years. I am happy being on my own even though it means I must work long hours to support myself. My husband and I are separated, not divorced and I took no money from him. The marriage was not so terribly bad - no physical abuse, very little verbal, but the interesting thing is that my children were way more aware of the underlying unhappiness than I would have imagined. I thought we never really argued - they thought the atmosphere was tense all the time. I will say that I feel lucky that my youngest child is 17. On the other hand, she chose to stay with her dad (as well as my 21 year old son) and that was/is heartbreaking. But I did not have the right to choose for her. I moved into an apartment across the busy street from where I lived. My children can visit whenever they want. It seems that my children are actually happier now too. Can you arrange a trial separation? The thing is, nothing has really changed in the situation between my husband and I, and it doesn't seem like it will. We both have an incentive not to make things final with divorce - mine is to keep his good insurance coverage, his is to avoid needing to give me any money. I feel I had a lot of issues in the marriage due to the incest I suffered as a child and he had issues too. We just were not able to make any progress on this stuff in marriage therapy and neither of us has made any inquiries to each other about the possibility of trying again. And do you really think people can change? I just donaverage is probably not looking to change. You deserve better for yourself. Just do it on your time and at your convenience. It is possible to stay for a while longer until your children are older. I thought I would wait until my youngest was out of school, but there was one of those last straw kinds of episodes last year and that was it. I wish you the best. But just know that your children are aware of what is going on and do you want them to use your marriage as a model for themselves?

I am the child of such a marriage [2008-05-26]
My parents argued about everything for as long as I can remember. I used to always side with my mom (just felt that obligation) as it seemed she was always the one being hurt. As an adult now in a good marriage, I feel some anger towards my mom for being the weaker one. She could have gotten out but chose to stay. To this day, my parents are still married and still fight constantly. My mom says my dad doesn My response, however, is my mom doesn She refuses to leave him, but she wants us to hate him, too, and I can The problems they have are theirs to fight out, not mine. I try to stay out of it as much as possible. My point is your kids may be upset at first that you Good luck and don She makes cracks all the time on these boards and I have to say she sounds like the selfish one to me.

Isnt marriage a contract? Minors cannot enter into [2008-04-17]
ads

Before your marriage, did you or did you not.... [2008-04-15]
Let your DH see you in your wedding gown?

Go to marriage counseling [2008-03-24]
My DH and I have been in counseling for about 6 weeks now and already we have made major changes in our relationship. We weren Divorce, no matter the reason, is devastating to children. It shakes their world, makes them question everything they've known all their lives. It's a horrible thing for a family to go through, so I'd strongly suggest marriage counseling. I don't know your religious beliefs, but our counselor is a christian-based counselor, so she's incorporating the values God expects in a husband and a wife into our therapy and believe me, it's working wonderfully. We've been married for going on 21 years and wish we would have gone to counseling lots sooner than now. God bless you and I'm praying for you!

Do not do anything else until you attend marriage counseling - sm [2008-03-24]
You owe it not only to the kids (who did not ask to be born into this) but you owe it to yourselves to seek marriage counseling before just deciding to up and divorce without seeking outside professional help. Until you can say you tried everything under the sun to make it work and can truly walk out the door with no undone andunsaidbusiness with your husband you are not even ready for divorce. Give it a try. I have been down this road before (but for other reasons) and can tell you it turned us around. We are celebrating 25 years this September and have never been happier. Best of luck to you both.

Four marriage counsellors so far over a period of about 8 years (nm) :( [2008-03-24]
x

As an equal partner in this marriage, why is it wrong for me to express my wants? (sm) [2008-02-27]
You seem to imply that because he wants to live here, I have to whether I like it or not. I have lived here for over 10 years. Why is it wrong for me to want what I want, but okay for him to impose his wants on me?

You shouldn't feel this way so early in your marriage (sm) [2008-02-24]
Take it from someone who stuck around way too long and now has a much more complicated situation (children and money involved) - cut your losses now and find someone you are a better match with. It has nothing to do with your weight. Your husband should be treating you with lots of love and attention right now in your marriage...if not, something is wrong. You can find someone else who would be a better match for you. Don't wait until there are children and finances and so many other complicating factors keeping you there!! However things are at the beginning of a marriage, they will only get worse as time goes on. I know it is hard, I know you love him, but it is not going to work. Again, cut your losses now, and move on to a better future!

You two definitely need to talk or go to marriage - sm [2008-02-24]
counseling, or both preferably. Your sex life shouldn't take that much of a hit until you get pregnant and have kids. We did it around 3 x a week before kids, now about once a week, have gone a month or more too, it varies. My DH would have it more if he could, he generally takes care of business w/o me once a week or so, I can tell if he has a tapes in the VCR though he is better now about leaving them lying about as we don't want the kids to see them. I don't think we have had sex now for about 3 weeks but that is because he got sick after a recent trip and he is still not sounding great so he is not getting near me yet, nor has he tried though, which doesn't bother me as I can take it or leave it. As for orgasm in sex w/o any stimulation, don't think so, need him to either be doing that or I am, don't be shy about touching yourself if he won't. I cannot orgasm any other way generally, though I have 2 x in oh 24 years, so obviously that is very rare and it is for most women. As for being a little overweight, yes that affects some guys, but most don't care. I have gained 70 pounds since we married and he still wants sex with me. I know he is not happy about the weight gain but it does not stop him. We rarely have long sessions though, 95% are quickies of less than 5 mintues, but I prefer them short, 20 minutes or more is way too long in my eyes (get sore and bored). As for snuggling that is nonexistant for us. It did not help that we spent our first 2 years married with him only being home on the weekends. He sleeps either on the couch or in my daughter's room (he kicks her in with me). I cannot even remember when we last did that, no kissing either (he is a germaphob) though we do sometimes but it is a rare thing. I am okay with how things are for the most part, we have other issues, and as stated below if you are not happy get out now before kids, before financial issues, etc. If it was not for my kids I would have left a long time ago, now I am stuck for the most part, though I am currently working on things so I have things covered if things between us fall apart any time soon which I think is a distinct possibility. You do not want to be in that position believe me. If he won't go to counseling or see a doctor, may low testosterone?? then I would get out. I hope it all works out for you.

That was 1 man outside the marriage, not pleural [2008-02-14]
Summertime and the children visting grandparents so did not work nights and time for me then. Years ago in doing this job we actually worked in offices, not at home so when they were out of school they visited out of state with grandparents, aunts and such. Younger then and more energy than now.

We start marriage counseling tonight [2008-02-13]
And I I

we are in marriage counseling now....sm [2008-02-13]
We have been going since the beginning of January. I found out mid December that my husband had been having an emotional affair with a so-called friend. It has helped us a lot so far, although, we are just now getting to the heart of the matter/affair. We still have a long way to go but I have hope now that we will work it out. I hope it works out for you both. Take care.

marriage counseling [2008-02-13]
if you are both committed to really doing the work and making changes, marriage counseling can be a good thing. Having gone thru it five (yes 5) separate times thru almost 20 years of a marriage - it never worked because my ex was never willing to make changes. Every time the counselors approached his hot spots (substance abuse, physical abuse, unemployment, depression) - it was time to stop seeing these jerks who don. I believehonest open communication can overcome almost any issues - infidelity, financial, parenting - and sometimes you do need an outside party to guide you thru. Find a counselor you both feel comfortable with, can easily afford and be willing to give it time.

He is 60 years old...sm [2008-11-21]
And acts like he is 2. He doesnI am not his babysitter. He is a grown man and he needs to act like it. Social service doesn't need to help him. The man makes decent money. He just won't take responsibity to pay his bills and has too many at that. He needs to thin them out. For instance, he has 2 new model trucks. He does not need 2 trucks but he WANTS both of them. But a light bill is one of your most important bills. And I for a fact know he had the money to pay it and didn't. I even told him you better go pay that electric bill. He wouldn't. I have never seen anyone who was quite like him. I love my dad and don't want to hurt him but he is making things very hard for me right now. I can't babysit him anymore. He is more than welcome to come visit me as often as he wants. He can come by everyday if he wants. But then there is a time to leave and go home. I have a family and I know I wouldnt like it if my husbands dad did this. I would not be happy at all. I am not happy about my father doing it but what do you do? Tell him get out?

Anyone go through a divorce w/younger kids? sm [2008-11-20]
Iit just isn while I have always felt you don't throw around the word divorce unless you mean it. Well, I mean it now. I gave him an ultimatum - straighten himself out or I leave with the kids. I am not going to go through 5 years of this again. It is affecting the kids, and my son is acting out to the point of saying he wishes he had never been born. I am giving my husband until after Christmas to decide what he is going to do, and if he does not value our marriage more than his alcohol, I am moving out of state. This is not to keep him away from the kids but because my parents (divorced also) are in a different state than I am and I have no family at all here. Has anyone had to make a decision like this? I donno other options. He refuses to go to counseling or to see a doctor about what I am positive is depression. Any tips or suggestions? Sorry to dump on everyone like this, thanks for reading.

I think about it a lot but different situation (sm) [2008-11-20]
My two children are almost the exact ages of yours. My husband doesn't have the drinking issue but has plenty of personality issues. I think you absolutely should leave, no ifs, ands or buts. I just think being in that environment is awful for your kids, he is saying it is not going to work anyway and talking about ending the marriage. I say if he doesn't change then yes, go, without a doubt.

You are both so kind, and you are right [2008-11-19]
on the mark. Yes, the credit cards are his. He lived off credit cards for several years to support himself and his kids after he and his wife split up. His wife never paid child support and he paid for daycare and everything, so had to pay for extras outside of his salary on credit. Then when I came along I was doing real well as a hospital MT, but had to quit because I was here and he needed me to watch the kids. He did not understand I had a shift like a regular job. So, after several months of my back and forth work and being with the kids, the boss gave me an ultimatum daycare for the kids or I leave my job. I told my DH that my income which was very good at the time was important to me as I have supported myself my whole life including being a single mom. But he would not budge. So, I quit. It has been 3 years and most of our marriage my trying to balance kids (I love them don Next time you get money mommy, GO FOOD SHOPPING. He said that right in front of DH. But, I just know when I do that the gorging goes on. I explained to DH about telling his son about gluttony, but he laughs at me. So, when I see him and his son eat this way, I get grossed out and am not hungry at all. I am sorry to say all this here. I actually just came back from the doc who gives me nerve pills because of my situation and he says I am doing really well coping with the situation. Which he knows what is going on. He is sending me to see a good counselor who he says, will validate me and give me support and confidence. Last time I went to see a counselor she told me to leave. But, my son loves his step sister and brother and so I want to stay. Well, sorry for the soap opera. I think when I start making more money I will get food and tires for my car, etc. but I will hide some food and snacks and siphon it into the general population here. That way they don't get snorted up by certain people. LOL. (And yes, I am putting an emergency fund away. But this is why I wish there was more transcription out there!) Thanks for your kind words and support. Between you and the doc today, it makes me feel I am not alone! :)

They talked about this on The View for 2 days and [2008-11-14]
even to the point as to how they have sex and thatmake me sick, especially now that she/he is pregnant again and due in June! BW thinks she's doing the world a favor by doing this special report. The reasonit keptits female parts was to have kids. What gets me is they never heard of adoption? Why not adopt? Because they wanted to make money, that's why. I don't know how many times they pointed out that she is now a legal male on all records, SS#, birth (how'd they accomplish that?), marriage license, medical history, etc. If she/he is a legal male, she/he shouldn't have the reproductive organs. Period. I feel sorryfor the kids. They will be so confused because they are going to tell them as soon as they to speak and/or understand. This world is going to h---- in a handbasket.

Gay Marriage Legalized in Connecticut [2008-11-13]
NEW HAVEN, Conn. – Same-sex couples began marrying in Connecticut on Wednesday after a judge cleared the way, a partial rebound for gay-rights activists still enraged over the vote last week that cost them the right to wed in California.Protests spread across the country over the loss in California, but in New Haven, bubbles and white balloons bounced in the chilly autumn air as well-wishers cheered the marriage of Peg Oliveira and Jennifer Vickery. They wed outside City Hall, next to a statue commemorating the Amistad slave ship's struggle for freedom, less than two hours after a judge made gay marriage a reality in Connecticut.

you'll have a retainer for life to wear while sleeping. sm [2008-11-08]
and please do. a family member had braces in elementary school and they came out beautiful. somewhere after marriage, kids, she stopped wearing the retainer. she is not in her 40's and her teeth shifted back to almost day one. wear the retainer while sleeping - it's no biggie compared to the waste of time and money and beautiful smiles.

Well I haven't done it peacefully though (sm) [2008-11-03]
We have gone to several marriage counsellors and I have tried everything under the sun to make him understand.

Sorry to have responded that way (sm) [2008-11-03]
It is just that you really have no idea what I have been through in 15 years.... and you would have no way to know just based on my post, so I shouldn't be defensive. But truly I have tried everything to make things better in this marriage and I am not someone who will ever be happy having all the decisions made for me. I want big decisions to be made as a couple, not by one or the other.

Crying all morning.....sm [2008-11-02]
I have been married 15 years....this morning my husband came in and said, Eric said your storage building is ready! You might think I would be happy. He thought I would be. The problem is that in 15 years of marriage I have been able to pick out nothing. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I would like an outside storage building. I mentioned a couple I had seen. My husband did not discuss it with me at all but went to the neighbor and had him build a storage building. I have no idea what it will look like, no idea what size, what color, anything. It wouldn 11 years ago I had just had a baby and my husband picked out our house while I was home recovering from a c-section. He told me this was where we were going to live. He had refused to even look at any of the houses I had liked during my pregnancy. He told me we would remodel this house any way I wanted, get any furniture I wanted. I was so anxious to get out of the rundown noisy apartment building we were in that I agreed to move here. Then of course, no remodeling, no new furniture. Three years ago I really needed a new car. My husband said he would start looking for one. HE would start looking for one for me. A year later HE had still not found one. I found a used, reasonably priced car and told him I wanted to buy it. He said no. I told him I really needed a vehicle. It was less than $10,000. He finally agreed but was mad at me for a year over it and told his parents that I had gone out and bought myself a new car. It was actually 4 years old. A year ago he bough a boat for $10,000 that I had never even seen and brought it home and announced we had a new boat. Six months ago he bought a $30,000 truck and took me to see it at the dealership after he had already bought it. So now I am a b*tch for not being happy about the new storage building. woohoo

Who needs them [2008-10-28]
Yesterday I was saddened beyond words. Who needs enemies with family like this. DH was talking to his half brother (15 years younger than DH) and these are some of the statements brother made to him. First let mesayhis brother is from a second marriage. MIL hates to acknowledge her3 kids from her first marrage. She has always felt they are inferior to her youngest. They live in a different state so we don So here is what his little punk half brother said to him. Even though it is brought on by political talk, this is more of a family issue post so didncomments (whichwere spoken with fake southern accent). 1. I'm not dumb, I went to a University (husband went to state colleges). 2. When told he should be prepared if he gets drafted he said oh no they wouldn't draft me, I work for a prestigious company and I went to a University and if I was drafted I would automatically be an officer, I wouldn't have to do all the other stuff the uneducated ones do. 3. Why do you live in that state you do? Only bumpkins live there. 4. Why do you keep moving? Have you done something illegal and are trying to hide? (Weve been at the same address for 2 years. 5. You should be happy is O gets in, you When DH said what in the world makes you think I donyou do? (I think it's odd that he didn't even ask DH what he does). 6. You know your just stup!d because you voted for GW. When DH said to him what makes you think we voted for him? He just said you didn We all thought you voted for him. DH said, no I didn 7. He made a comment about there might be a bloody war coming in the middle east and then said Oh I. DH said well no, why would you say that. Then the little *(% changes the subject. In the past we have been told that only the stup!d uneducated people go into the military (we were both in the military - me for 3 years and DH for 12 years. Husband also has an IQ of around 129, but he has always been told he is inferior (not in those exact words) because he didnUniversity. DH told him I wanted to go to this place or that and if mommy daddy could pay the way for me too I would have been able to go(not in those exact terms) and then his brother got upset and was trying to say DH was saying he was stup!d. Then his mom got in on it and told DH he's picking on him and jealous, etc. I just canhis own brother could say such hurtful things. I could understand if its someone you donItthat he He said their true colors really came out. And if you want to talk about intelligence DH will bring up subjects like what All he wants to talk about is sports (which DH hates sports) or who the Survivor or American Idol winner is. It is just really sad to be treated like your nothing by your own family. We have decided we will not be answering the phone from now on if he calls and just not talking to him for a long long time and let him think about what he did. Me particularly, I don Just very very sad. Okay, Sorry so long, just felt heartbroken and had to get it out.

I am glad things are going well for you but sm [2008-10-26]
The debt is not my main issue. My marriage is. All of the other problems are a result of the marriage being bad, and working at home in isolation. The problem is I feel I have no choice but to work at home because of my husbandnight fishing one night a week, leaving straight from work and getting home about 1 a.m., on a work night! He is very rude to me all the time and acts like he doesnI wonder what my life would be like if something ever happened to you mom. It wouldn My daughter I worry about too though not as much. I donhis and daughter is mine even though I regularly remind him that we are both parents to both children. So yes, the debt is there and it does worry me but just showing my husband my debt is not going to solve my problem. If anything it would put me more under his control and anger than I already am.

Help. I have made my own prison. Please make suggestions sm [2008-10-24]
I will try to make this brief. I have marital problems, husband is gone all the time. I came to work at home again because I have no help with our children. I need to be here if they are sick and be here when they get home from school. But I have become once again socially isolated (I did this type of work for years and had a job outside of the home and enjoyed it, except for the fact that my children did not get enough attention, so I quit). I do have friends but I don I used to walk several miles a day but never do that anymore, have gained weight, eat junk food, stay on the computer too long. I am constantly busy. I still do volunteer work with my children - Scouts, church, etc., but I am so overwhelmed. My husband is almost never here. It almost feels more like he comes to visit us sometimes than actually lives here, but I need his help financially and my son is very afraid for me to get a divorce (long story, but he is afraid he would have to live part-time with his dad, and they are not close). I have debt that my husband doesn But he won When I tell him I need more money he tells me things like, turn off the cable TV or don The thing is he spends lots and lots of money on entertaining himself. He makes 3 x as much as I do (or maybe 4 by now). I have not been allowed to open his mail for years and we pretty much never talk. I have started to allow things to pile up, mail around my desk, weight around my middle, clutter here and there. I just feel like a big slug. I am tired much of the time. In reading this I sound depressed but I am already taking an antidepressant which I started a few years ago because of my marriage.I love my children so dearly but I am afraid of leaving and disrupting their lives. If I left I would at least get my part of the equity in ourhome, etc., and maybe have a chance at having a life again. Anyway, I know this is long and rambling and jumbled, but I just woke up, from another night of poor sleep. Please suggest what you would do. Thanks

I'm not sure if this will work - but it might be worth [2008-10-24]
a try. Does your husband pay the bills or does he give you money to pay them? Make a household budget, including allowances for gas and groceries. Either add in a little extra for the allowances to cover incidentals that might come up or present him with the receipt after he pays. Another thing I would definitely do -- you might want to consult with a divorce attorney. Don Your attorney will tell you what you would be entitled to. Depending on what state you live in, you may even get spousal support for a short time. You should be entitled to have 1/2 of everything you The debt you have accrued will also be shared between him and you. When youboth of your debt regardlesswho charges it. As for your children, you can discuss that with your attorney as well. Let him know your child Only after you are informed by a good divorce attorney, can you decide what Don Find out first and then decide. Most consultations are free or relatively low cost. If you do pay for the consultation, make sure to pay by cash so as not to leave a paper trail. It would be better to make a cash withdrawal on your credit card, if youneed to. Get your ducks in a row before he has a chance to start picking them off. Good luck and keep us posted!

I have a feeling there are lots of us out here - sm [2008-10-24]
I have to say I think I may have it better than most. I've been working home almost twenty years and now both kids, 17 and 19, are on the brink of leaving, probably next year. My husband started his own business working at home four years ago, and we're literally (almost) joined at the hip. We share a 10 x 10 office. Yet, we almost never talk. When we do it's business or kid related. Right now I'm making more money than he is, and his business hasn't grown as fast as he had hoped, and now with the economy . . We started bickering about everything and about once a month have a big blow-up. I went to see a marriage counselor starting a year ago - he absolutely, positively will not go! So I'm going, mostly to find a way to survive another year or two until the kids are gone. I believe it will go one way or the other after that. I hope we stay together. We've both been divorced before and I wouldn't wish that on anybody. And I know the man I married is still in there somewhere. I'm going to do all I can to find him again so we can share the good stuff that we've worked so hard for - not to mention grandchildren when the time comes! Good luck to you. I've got no advice for you, but you are definitely NOT alone!

For your future and that of your kids [2008-10-24]
You may not think so, but you've got a lot of things going for you, the most important being that you realize you need to do something. Short term: You've gotten great advice about making small changes, like exercising, losing weight, etc. Go for it. Long term: YouThe journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step? Take that step and you will be surprised what you can do.

I just went thru something similar - sm [2008-10-24]
I was the one back in late August and then back on Oct. 13 or so----I had racked up a ton of debt on his and my credit cards which he knew nothing about. I finally confessed to him, he reacted pretty well considering the bomb I dropped on him. He does not want to divorce over it thank God but some amazing miracle. Obviosly your situation is a bit more complex. My DH is not that controlling. I was/am the one to get the mail, and would decide what he would see or not see, though he had no scruples about reading my mail, he would get upset if I ever read anything personal sent to him. As I know it is nothing to get bent about I let that one go. He has never cheated and even confirmed that when I confessed my deceit and financial infidelity to him. Luckily he still loves me enough to keep it together. He is trying a little more, though he has backed off doing a few things he used to around the house, I have taken on more responsibility around here, the price I have to pay I guess. I did 85% of it before, now, 95% (he used to cook dinner....now it looks like I get the pleasure of doing it from now on as he has not done it once since the 13th. Granted any reference to buying anyting is , we cannot afford it....which we can, but yes things are going to be a bit tight for the next five years, but we will manage. I have not done it yet, but Monday going to get the wheels rolling and do CCCS for my debts. His will be taken care of soon as we are selling off a bunch of mutual funds from the 401K (loan) so no penalties though with the economy we will have to sell more than we would have a few months ago which stinks. ---He is willing to economize now that he knows there is an issue though (he makes about 4x what I do). You will have to bit the bullet and confess as well. It is not easy. I wrote him a note and then left the house for a short while, then came back and we talked it all out. I figured my marriage would be over, but I think for the kids and still some feelings for me he wants to keep it all together. We have a good life together for the most part and he knows that. We do things together as a family, still have enjoyable sex once a week (took him 9 days after my confession), and are in tune with each other and the kids. Considering it he has been so good after it , you never know your husband might surprise you like mine did. He has not really made any comments for a week now, which is amazing in itself. My DH generally is the type of guy who blames everyone else for his mistakes and takes no responsibility for anything, so that is why it was such a shock that he is handling this all so well. Generally he acts like a 3-y/o and holds grudges. So it is possible your husband can be a standup guy. I guess it will depend on how much he cares for you, keeping the marriage together and not becoming a part-time dad or having to give you the house or a ton of money.....I am sure that all factored in in my situation. All I said was that no one would win in a divorce. He has been divorced before so I know he does not wnat to go thru that again, sees it as personal failure. But I feel so much better for telling him, a huge weight has been lifted. I still have a lot to get thru but the worst is over. I know my streess is still up there some, but I know longer have to worry about him finding out, etc. So you need to formulate a plan, maybe set aside some ready cash, and and tell him what is going on. You can email me if you want. I hope it all works out for you.

I have banned my mom from seeing my kids [2008-10-21]
Your situation is similar to mine, but my mom has gone a little further. I have 4 children,2 from my first marriage and 2 from my second. My second husband has been with my older two children since they were 4 and 5 and we have been married for 11 years (so obviously he is not going anywhere). I found out about a year ago that she had been talking to my oldest two kids for years about how horrible she thought my husband treated my older kids and how he doesnown children. We had been having problems with my 16 year old daughter at the time and everything can now stem back to much of this. We couldn But they were being fed information behind our backs. Everything from he is cheating on your mom, he is abusing your mom, he is a scumbag, etc. My mother also believes in the other side which is fine with me, but don We don She would frequently talk to my youngest two, who are only 7 and 8, about traveling out of body, talking to spirits, and how they were reincarnated. This was on top of stuff like after being told not to take the kids bike riding down a road that is 55 mph (no sidewalks) with no helmets on and she did it, not just once, but 3 times. Then when I caught her lying about it, she paid off my daughter by taking her shoe shopping! No wonder my kid is messed up. She was told over a year ago to knock it off or supervised visits only (she was told once previously as well). She didnworship her enough for mother It has been the hardest thing that I have had to do, but to save my marrige, my sanity and my kids, I did what I had to do. We live in a small town as well and of course mouths are wagging. The schools are under strict order to not let her in to see them as well and know the situation. My stepfather is dumbfounded and doesn But he is only hearing her side of things. I told him to get her into counseling and that would be the ONLY way I would even think of mending this, but it has yet to be done. You have to do what is right for your family and if this creates this much uproar in your family, then only you can decide how much you can take.

My husband work midnights until recently. [2008-10-21]
He would get home at 8 a.m. By then, I had been up and working for a few hours and was ready for a small break. We would talk while I ate breakfast. He would go to bed and I would continue with work. By the time, he got up around 4 or 5 p.m., I would be done working. We were able to spend time with the kids together and have dinner together before he went to work again. He has been on night shift at different times during our marriage, the last time for 4 years. We've never had any problems as far as my working. I just adjust my work time accordingly. If your husband is sleeping days and your kids are in school, what type of problem are you having getting work done?

Midnight shift husband for 18 years now......sm [2008-10-21]
It will get better....eventually. It took about 8 years for my hubby to realize I can't work midnights like him because we have two kids to raise. Believe me, it is very difficult at times, but it does get better. It might help if you have a calendar in full view for him to look at, so he knows what type of schedule you are on regarding work, kids activities, etc. Once he sees it in writing and realizes all the pressure that is on you, he may begin to understand. Believe me, night shift is not easy for the marriage. It takes great patience and understanding of both parties for it to succeed! I sleep with my golden retriever at night now!

Nobody has to adhere to anyones...sm [2008-10-17]
beliefs BUT bringing a group of 1st graders to a same sex marriage is not something academic. Some parents may not want their kids to go. I hope they sent a slip home asking permission and telling where they were going. If the parents didn't mind then go ahead. But the parents who minded then keep the kid home.

However... [2008-10-17]
Marriage is defined in the Bible as man/woman...not man/man, woman/woman...Our country~~~YES IT IS OUR COUNTRY~~~was founded on the Bible and God and Christianity. When people go out and publicly protest and demand rights, then YES...it is being shoved down OUR throats! Homosexual marriage is against the beliefs that this country was founded on and should remain illegal. Homosexual couples should NOT qualify for the same benefits as heterosexual couples do...insurance, for example. This is God But, with the way WE'VE~~~yes WE~~~ have shunned God, He'd have every right to turn his back on us and let us wallow in our own mess...

Field trip to see lesbian wedding [2008-10-16]
First-graders in San Francisco took a field trip to City Hall to celebrate the marriage of their lesbian teacher on Friday, but opponents of same-sex marriage in the state say the field trip was an attempt to “indoctrinate” the students, the San Francisco Chronicle reported. The field trip was suggested by a parent at the Creative Arts Charter School, and the school said the trip, where students tossed rose petals on their teacher and her wife as they left City Hall, was academically relevant. It really is what we call a teachable moment, said Liz Jaroslow, the school’s interim director, according to the newspaper. She said same-sex marriage had historic significance. I think I California will vote on Nov. 4 on Proposition 8 which seeks to ban same-sex marriage in the state, and supporters of the measure say the field trip shows that allowing same-sex marriage will mean it’s taught to school children, the newspaper said. It said Chip White, press secretary for the Yes on 8 campaign, told the Chronicle. This is overt indoctrination of children who are too young to have an understanding of its purpose.

Oh please. I live in SF, and the kids are going to see their [2008-10-16]
they would have regardless, even if she were marrying a man. The lesson they may learn is that of tolerance, inclusion, and most of all, LOVE. If they were excluded from attending the wedding, it would just teach them HATRED, and there's far too much of that in this country. They also may get a lesson in dirty politics after the election, as the religious right in Calif. is trying to strike down the legality of same-sex marriage, which the Calif. Supreme Court had upheld as a basic American right. I have many gay & lesbian friends, and they are no less human nor caring than anyone else. And probably more so, considering the persecution they have to endure just to love the person of their choice. Anyway, what the kids are going to see is a WEDDING. A celebration of LOVE. At that age, that's pretty much all they're going to remember about it or care about.

In a city with a large gay/lesbian population, gay -sm [2008-10-16]
marriage is an everyday issue. The kids hear both sides of it. They're not isolated in coccoons, and they watch TV and see the negative ads running right now. If they go to Sunday school, then they probably get fed a large dose of fear and intolerance there, as well. I think it IS educational for a bunch of SF kids to go see a wedding, especially if it's their own teacher. They already know she's gay. And they already know she's are real human being that they probably all love. What they get out of the experience is a very strong reason to question the hatred & bigotry surrounding the issue of who should be allowed to marry, and who should not.