Military wife with a suggestion

Would you do the show Wife Swap? [2008-11-12]
I wouldn't but curious if anyone else here would.

I wouldn't do Wife Swap but would LOVE to do Amazing Race!! [2008-11-12]
x

My son and his wife - sm [2008-10-28]
have been married eleven years and over time developed a pattern for Thanksgiving, at least - they trade off years, one year coming to our house for dinner and her parents' house for dessert, and vice-versa. Of course, she's not a cook and has never been interested in hosting their own holiday dinner. They've always slept over Christmas Eve at our house as we have two more children still in school (had actually, one's not in school anymore but living at home) and shared Christmas morning with us, then go to her parents' house for Christmas dinner. I don't know if that's going to change now that the last of the kids are basically grown now. Unfortunately they aren't able to have kids, but if they did I would encourage them to stay home and we would come to them.

My son and his wife - sm [2008-10-28]
have been married eleven years and over time developed a pattern for Thanksgiving, at least - they trade off years, one year coming to our house for dinner and her parents' house for dessert, and vice-versa. Of course, she's not a cook and has never been interested in hosting their own holiday dinner. They've always slept over Christmas Eve at our house as we have two more children still in school (had actually, one's not in school anymore but living at home) and shared Christmas morning with us, then go to her parents' house for Christmas dinner. I don't know if that's going to change now that the last of the kids are basically grown now. Unfortunately they aren't able to have kids, but if they did I would encourage them to stay home and we would come to them.

That's a good suggestion - [2008-09-20]
the karate class, especially if a relative could take him there when the 8 year old was supposed to be babysitting him.

As the wife of a past mud-bogger....I can tell you this (sm) [2008-09-01]
I think he actually should be nice and be willing to help. No he is not obligated to do so, but he should do it out of kindness. My husband as I type, is still out, having driven far off to go duck hunting. Everything is always left up to me and I am afraid that is how it will also be for your daughter. If he is not helpful now, right before the marriage, he will only get worse after. That is a fact. It is a reflection on how much he values your daughter as well. Knowing that her mother is single and does not have others to help, he should be more than willing to come and help. In my case, my husband has never done anything for my family, but I am expected to do tons for his. I do a lot for them and I don't mind, but they never understand that I also do 99% of the child care and house work around here, and I also work. I work from home because with all of my husband's hobbies, someone has to be home to take care of things here!! Okay, off my soap box now. But I disagree with the poster below...You do have a right to be offended.

military school? it worked for a guy i know. nm [2008-08-26]
x

my hubby did that with his first wife!! [2008-08-20]
I didnwhat were you thinking and no, I will not marry you right now!

Here's my suggestion ... [2008-08-20]
I would plan a lovely dinner and maybe a band for dancing entertainment. Get married privately beforehand and show up at the dinner to celebrate with family and friends.

18 ONLY if they are in the military [2008-08-19]
xx

Suggestion on 2nd guitar [2008-08-11]
There is a rechargable battery pack that you can get for the black guitar but is NOT available for the white guitar. It's about $14-20 and well worth it! The wireless guitars eat batteries and even run them down when they are powered off and not running. We now remove them from the guitar whenever we aren't playing.

Military [2008-08-05]
Well, I was in the military, and that is one of the big reasons I chose to get out! I got out in 94, so I'm not exactly sure what has changed, but here goes... First, my mouth dropped open when I read your post! I have a 14 and 7 year old and can't imagine leaving them, sick or not! But a 3-month-old baby! When I was in, it used to be if you got pregnant, you had the choice of being discharged. Last I knew, you could request a hardship discharge, based on the circumstances of the baby being in the hospital, preemie, etc. But here's the catcher to all this...it IS the military! If they don't want to let you out, they don't have to! They can do anything they feel like! That's what is BS! Sorry, this mom should NOT be going anywhere, let alone Iraq, with her baby in this state! Wow! Okay now you got me going!

just a suggestion [2008-05-13]
You could try to look online for a Legal Aid website for your state for specifics and (if necessary) an attorney that may help him (or advise him of his rights) for little or no cost.

"I'm leaving my wife." I bought it once...never again. NM [2008-05-08]
x

military appreciation [2008-05-07]
Can he send a letter to a deployed soldier and write about doing that for school? When my husband was in Iraq, he loved getting mail from kids. Also, he could look up different occupations they do, such as Seabees help rebuild war torn countries. They also built a bridge in Maine to help the sea life. Let me know, I can email articles.

military appreciation?? [2008-05-06]
I the subject is military appreciation. I can't think of anything they do for us other than fight for our country/rights and help out in times of need (such as in Katrina) anybody have any ideas?

yes her husband is in the military. [2008-04-24]
x

possible suggestion for you [2008-04-14]
While communication is key, try out this website, www.flylady.net. This is a website that offers free advice on loving yourself, and how you can manage all the hectic spheres of your life. You can They have a few philosophies that everyone can relate to. The two important ones, in my view, are you can do anything for 15 minutes and you are not behind, jump in where you are. It Good luck.

Excellent suggestion on the dentist [2008-04-10]
He has a cleaning scheduled in June (the soonest we could get him in without missing school) and at 17 he has never had a cavity. Well, the last time he was there was about 8 months ago so he was 16 then if we want to get technical. LOL! Whew, I finally slept last night. Definitely starting to feel a bit better, but I did make his fav. dinner last night, lasagna, and while he ate just fine, normally there are very few leftovers and not even half was eaten. DD suddenly decided yesterday she no longer likes lasagna so all she ate was salad and bread. I know my radar is up now and I will be picking everything apart. Watching what he eats, if he goes to the bathroom shortly after eating, etc. Even though this has been tough, I put my parents through so much more. I really owe them an apology.

suggestion [2008-04-07]
never tried it myself but have heard that you can role out gumdrops flat and then cut them. maybe you could find yellow ones and cut them into strips? also, regular frosting out of a can will work if you put yellow food coloring in it and have 5 days to let it air dry. just put it in a ziploc bag, cut off a small corner and pipe it out on wax paper.

Any kids with wife#2 are living at home and being [2008-04-03]
Kids should not expect to college paid for, so hubby should not pay for college for kidswith wife#2 since he did not pay for college for kids with wife #1.

insane woman's world suggestion [2008-03-20]
Did anyone see in the latest Woman It says work typing doctor Like you can just decide to do medical transcription, hop over there and snag a 14 cpl job. That is insulting to medical transcriptionists, and frustrating to people who are made to believe they can just pick this up and do it.

At least it is not a bombshell to the wife. [2008-03-18]
They both admitted their relationships..had counseling and moved on. you know it has been said for years now that good people are afraid to run for office for fear of a skeleton rattling around somewhere. You know an investigative reporter will dig it out.

This is a personal subject between him and his wife. [2008-03-18]
First, I hardly think affairs are only a NY thing. Do you know all of NY office holders? If you believe stats, most American adults have had an affair. I don't think that necessarily makes a person not decent, it just means they're human and had a failing. Personally, I'm tired of God complexes in Government. This is a personal subject between him and his wife. I wonder how many of us could live up to the scrutiny heaped upon politicians. I KNOW I couldn't. I've made mistakes too.

WHY DOES THE BETRAYED WIFE ALWAYS STAND UP [2008-03-14]
WITH HER HUSBAND WHILE HE TELLS THE WHOLE WORLD HIS DIRTY LAUNDRY! I CERTAINLY WOULD NOT STAND UP THERE WITH HIM, IT MUST BE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE POWER, ETC. WHAT GIVES!

Everyone seems [2008-11-22]
pretty happy. It doesn't seem prurient. I've been in favor of other situations in which people are free to develop on an internal time clock rather than one imposed externally & in that regard there's probably something to this, but the siblings following the first probably got the idea to continue for a long time from watching, so there's definitely a bias there. Would be interesting for someone to design a study comparing long-time thumb-suckers with children weaned at a later age. This woman would probably say that the experience of breastfeeding can't be duplicated or substituted with a bottle or a plastic nipple because the emotional part of it would be lost. I don't know. I guess it depends on the family involved. I remember on Six Feet Under, how Lisa & Nate were letting Maya sleep in their bed until she decided she didn't want to any more. I think there's just a whole movement out there comprised of people with similar ideas, & until someone does a long-term study, I guess I'd have to say any suggestion that it's out-&-out wrong is just conjecture or has a cultural bias.

From your end you could do a disk [2008-11-21]
clean-up and defragment it. Also, make sure you have all your updates and get a spyware/antivirus program to run. Many are free out there. I have Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware (you can Google it) and it seems to catch things my McAfee does not. I also run Spybot. A lot of times freezing up and running slow is caused by spyware, cookies, etc. Don't know if this will help any, but it is a suggestion. Also, I run AVG everyday.

Sounds very much like to do with RAM or HDD [2008-11-21]
These two components are ones that make the computer freeze......the life of RAM and HDD depends on the usage, so 3 years can be quite some time...sorry, if this does not help you! Just another suggestion

OK, I am a 46DD (if the guys only [2008-11-20]
knew it would be like them hauling around 2 watermelons)and I have had better luck and durability with a minimizing bra, but they are expensive. Everyone below is right about being fitted properly. There just was something on the news about women complaining about rashes they are receiving wearing their victoria secret bras for more than a few hours and there has been the suggestion of formaldehyde on the fabric which the company denies. So, I don't know where they are made, but I would keep that in mind, especially anything out of China. I have noticed their new bra currently being advertized is not up to par in the area of supporting the underarm tissue.

Abraham Lincoln's Thanksgiving Proclamation 1863 [2008-11-19]
Abraham Lincoln while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years, with large increase of freedom.No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand, and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.Done at the city of Washington, this third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the independence of the United States the eighty-eighth.By The President: Abraham LincolnWilliam H. Seward, Secretary of State

The other poster is correct.... [2008-11-19]
I think it was on What Not To Wear or one of those shows where I heard if you have that problem it is because the cup size is not big enough for you. With that size naturally I wouldnpush up because those have a lot of extra padding to give the push. Maybe go to a store in the mall and talk to them. Surely they will have a suggestion for your size and style interest. Doesn't mean you have to buy it there, just get the idea and then go to Target or someplace and buy what you want a little less expensive.

this is horrible p.s. [2008-11-19]
If you don't stand up for yourself (and your kids) you will end up with a son who treats his wife the way your husband treats you and a daughter who feels it is okay to be starved by her husband. I get that you have creditors, but you are a family. You can't have some members paying the price and others not. Either everyone eats a little less or no one does & you find a different way to deal with the situation. Food is not a luxury.

You are both so kind, and you are right [2008-11-19]
on the mark. Yes, the credit cards are his. He lived off credit cards for several years to support himself and his kids after he and his wife split up. His wife never paid child support and he paid for daycare and everything, so had to pay for extras outside of his salary on credit. Then when I came along I was doing real well as a hospital MT, but had to quit because I was here and he needed me to watch the kids. He did not understand I had a shift like a regular job. So, after several months of my back and forth work and being with the kids, the boss gave me an ultimatum daycare for the kids or I leave my job. I told my DH that my income which was very good at the time was important to me as I have supported myself my whole life including being a single mom. But he would not budge. So, I quit. It has been 3 years and most of our marriage my trying to balance kids (I love them don Next time you get money mommy, GO FOOD SHOPPING. He said that right in front of DH. But, I just know when I do that the gorging goes on. I explained to DH about telling his son about gluttony, but he laughs at me. So, when I see him and his son eat this way, I get grossed out and am not hungry at all. I am sorry to say all this here. I actually just came back from the doc who gives me nerve pills because of my situation and he says I am doing really well coping with the situation. Which he knows what is going on. He is sending me to see a good counselor who he says, will validate me and give me support and confidence. Last time I went to see a counselor she told me to leave. But, my son loves his step sister and brother and so I want to stay. Well, sorry for the soap opera. I think when I start making more money I will get food and tires for my car, etc. but I will hide some food and snacks and siphon it into the general population here. That way they don't get snorted up by certain people. LOL. (And yes, I am putting an emergency fund away. But this is why I wish there was more transcription out there!) Thanks for your kind words and support. Between you and the doc today, it makes me feel I am not alone! :)

Ted Kennedy back on Capitol Hill [2008-11-17]
returning to work 6 months after his brain cancer diagnosis. He looks and sounds great. Good to see him back. He has his wife anddogs with him too.

I would start charging the JA for room and board - sm [2008-11-16]
If he is so lazy he wonfriend, and tell him the gravy train has stopped and he needs (1) to either take the dogs and take care of them himself, (2) start paying you $200 a week to feed and board the dogs (a bargin)--and if he fails to pay the dogs go to a no-kill shelter (and stick to it), (3) in the future if he does take the dogs back, that he has to find other arrangements for their room and board whenever he is away, unless he pays you in advance with cash and supplies the food.-- yeah he will think you are a shrew but who cares, I'd be so mad at both of them, DH for not understanding and being a wuss for not talking to his friend, and the friend for being the typical male and taking advantage of a good thing. Good luck, and stick it to them!

Survival [2008-11-14]
My first suggestion is if you don't know how to cook from scratch, learn. My stockpile consists of lots of dried beans and blackeyed peas, rice, dry spaghetti, flour and cornmeal along with ingredients for making bread such as baking powder. You can freeze these things of they will last a very long time if stored in air tight containers. Lots of people say they don headed, I expect lots of people will think they're quite tasty when they're hungry. If you have any kind of yard, invest in seeds and grow your own garden. You don If you don Fruit trees take a few years to matureso start planting fruit trees instead of decorative trees. Fruit trees make good decorative trees anyway. Learn how to can like your grandmothers and great grandmothers did. Those who will be hit hardest are those who live in apartments but, again, pinto beans and rice, even if you think you don ike it, will taste very good if you don If anyone is interested, I They can be a delicacy if properly prepared. Everything you need to make plain old beans a delicacy can be stockpiled and will last just about forever.

I can sympathize [2008-11-13]
If you honestly love him like you say, then maybe it is time for some forgiveness in your heart, just forget what has happened and move on or sit him down one on one and tell him to get it off your chest. My mom and dad divorced when I was one. I am almost 40 now. I won Once he had more kids, I was in the way. He was never there for me even as an adult. His wife (married again when I was 3) only wants to be involved in my life when she can stir up drama. I made the decision to finally cut them out of my life because it was beginning to affect me on a daily basis. I did confront both of them to a certain extent, not all that I wanted to say. But since his wife was stirring up drama with my 4 kids, momma bear came out and enough was enough. I still love my dad, but don't understand how he can be so blind about his wife. Being that your parents are still together, I think you need to either sit him down without your mom and tell him how you feel and maybe he will then understand why you have been so hurt. If you feel you can Just my 2 cents worth...I wish you the best of luck

This story is so weird to me, I can only wonder... [2008-11-13]
I watched 'The View' today. How did this man get pregnant? This is a puzzle to me. And how come that his wife, who had an hysterectomy is BREASTFEEDING the baby? How did her body produce milk? Isn't it that one must be pregnant before producing milk? t is all a hormone thing. This is all so weird to me, downright scary and I do not like it a bit.

It's all just to confusing and weird to me [2008-11-13]
I know it's a woman with man parts, but since he/she now looks like a man, it's just too strange. I was also wondering how the wife was breastfeeding.

Never seen it but but ... [2008-11-12]
a wife swap? .. ya mean trade miseries? .......... oops

Thanks for your suggestions and kind words. [2008-11-12]
I am a very old fashioned person and generally speaking have the ideals that you speak of above. Making gifts, thinking outside of the box because it means more, putting aside the cost and really putting effort and thought into the gift - for any occasion. I know I have a short fuse right now with the hormones and it makes me not want to even try. Really my MIL is the only problem. Everyone else would love a thoughtful, homemade gift. I guess you sort of have to know her personality too. Generally speaking, she rubs me the wrong way but I try to just let things go. I just get tired of hearing the we are really going to cut back this year! when they said the same thing last year and it was a normal Christmas, then when I offer a suggestion she looks at me like I just cut someoneretired and bored. I did stand my ground this year though and tell my husband to deal with her on the Christmas morning doings. In the past Santa only comes to her house...so all the kids and grandkids have to cart their stuff over there to put under the tree and then wake up and drive over for presents in the morning. Screw that. In what fairy tale book did they read that Santa doesn't come to the house where the child sleeps?! Crazy how different families can be. Oh well, I'm getting off subject here but I thank you for your kind words and I'm going to try to change my attitude. I can only do what I can do. I suggested my homemade gift ideas to my husband and he then went through a catalog and picked out gifts. Granted they were $15-20 a piece but still. Every dollar counts these days. HI'm trying to look at it as one less thing I have to do or think about - I'm sure that's where he is coming from anyway. Men just think backwards sometimes.

I actually would [2008-11-12]
The only reason is I think my kids would probably appreciate me more. I watch it every day too, and I can't believe some of the families they have on there. Actually I'd love to be in the one that had the husband waiting on the wife hand and foot and her in bed all day long doing absolutely nothing. Might be fun for two weeks.

FYI [2008-11-11]
This information comes from the Mensa International web site: Mensa was founded in England in 1946 by Roland Berrill, a barrister, and Dr. Lance Ware, a scientist and lawyer. They had the idea of forming a society for bright people, the only qualification for membership of which was a high IQ. The original aims were, as they are today, to create a society that is non-political and free from all racial or religious distinctions. The society welcomes people from every walk of life whose IQ is in the top 2% of the population, with the objective of enjoying each other's company and participating in a wide range of social and cultural activities. Mensans range in age from 4 to 94, but most are between 20 and 60. In education they range from preschoolers to high school dropouts to people with multiple doctorates. There are Mensans on welfare and Mensans who are millionaires. As far as occupations, the range is staggering. Mensa has professors and truck drivers, scientists and firefighters, computer programmers and farmers, artists, military people, musicians, laborers, police officers, glassblowers--the diverse list goes on and on. There are famous Mensans and prize-winning Mensans, but there are many whose names you wouldn't know. The term IQ score is widely used but poorly defined. There are a large number of tests with different scales. The result on one test of 132 can be the same as a score 148 on another test. Some intelligence tests don't use IQ scores at all. Mensa has set a percentile as cutoff to avoid this confusion. Candidates for membership in Mensa must achieve a score at or above the 98th percentile on a standard test of intelligence (a score that is greater than or equal to that achieved by 98 percent of the general population taking the test). As this list suggests, Mensa is a remarkably diverse organization. While Some Mensans noted here are well known, many others lead interesting lives out of the public eye. Geena Davis: Academy-award winning actress, who has starred in The Long Kiss Goodnight, A League of Their Own, Thelma and Louise and Hero. Donald Petersen: A former chairman of Ford Motor Company. While at Ford, Petersen was involved in the development of two of Ford's most successful cars--the Mustang and the Maverick. Marilyn Vos Savant: Listed in the Guinness Hall of Fame for having the worldAsk Marilyn!, a weekly column in Parade magazine. Bobby Czyz: A former two-time World Boxing Association (WBA) Cruiserweight Champion. Czyz now commentates on many nationally-broadcasted fights. Dr. Julie Peterson: A former Playboy Playmate, Peterson is a graduate of Life School of Chiropractic. Alan Rachins: Portrays DharmaDharma Greg. Rachins, who left the Wharton School of Finance to pursue an acting career, also portrayed Douglas Brachman on the hit TV series, L.A. Law. Adrian Cronauer: Radio personality, lawyer and subject for the movie Good Morning Vietnam. Terance Black: Screenwriter of HBOTales from the Crypt, syndicated series Dark Justice and the feature film Dead Heat. Barry Nolan: Co-anchor of TVHard Copy. Deborah Yates: Member of the world-famous Radio City Rockettes. Bob Speca, Jr.: Professional domino toppler. Speca travels internationally doing domino shows and has appeared on TV programs and commercials. John N. Moore: University of Virginia law professor who specializes in international law. Moore was hired by the U.S. ambassador to Kuwait to help the emirate recover damages inflicted during the August 2, 1990 invasion. Jean Auel: Best-selling author of Clan of the Cave Bear, Valley of Horses, and Plains of Passage. Linda Warwick: Creator and producer of the billboard mega-hit childrensBabymugs!, and the Toddler TOGS series--the fantasy video for highly creative tots. Maurice Kanbar: Inventor and owner of Skyy Vodka. Henry Milligan: A boxer and scholar, Milligan was the 1983 National Amateur Heavyweight champion. Patricia P. Jennings: Pianist with the Pittsburgh Symphony. She is the symphony's first black member and has performed internationally. Richard Lederer: A master of the pun. Lederer has written dozens of books on word play and is a frequent guest on National Public Radio. Judge Ellen Morphonios: Nicknamed Maximum Morphonios for her strict rulings in Florida. Morphonios is a former model and beauty queen who passed a Florida exam that allowed her to enter law school without an undergraduate degree. Richard Bolles: Author of What Color is Your Parachute? which at one point had been on The New York Times Best-seller List for 228 weeks. Velma Jeremiah: A retired attorney who graduated fourth in her law school class at the age of 47. She is a former chairwoman of Mensa International. Dr. Abbie F. Salny: Author of the Mensa Quiz-a-Day books and calendars. Dr. Salny is a retired college professor and expert in intelligence who has served as Mensa's supervising psychologist. Note: most of the members listed are members of American Mensa.

for sky..............sm [2008-11-11]
It was not me who defined these 3 points of intelligence, this is taken out of a study. I have no attitude. Why is is that one gets immediately insulted if one says something that is not readily accepted by the posters? We were talking about IQ scores and not about the complications that hinder people to take full advantage of their intelligence. There are so many excuses brought up if somebody is not able to take full advantage of one's intelligence. This is either a sickness of some sort or also a kind of stupidity. I disagree with the suggestion that the smarter people are the less happy they are. Why should intelligence make us unhappy? This borders on sickness. This should not be, then they should consult a psychologist or psychiatrist. I do not want to go into a deep discussion about this issue because I do not want to make myself the target of insults which is so common on this board in case people disagree with one's opinion. Why should I do that?

Considering my circumstances I am looking - sm [2008-11-11]
forward to the holidays. I'm the one with the mega debt who confessed to her DH a month ago, etc. We will have his debts paid off in full in about 10 days. I still have quite a mess though. We sold back 2 weeks of his vacation time (lucky for us his work allows you to do this) and half of that is paying for Christmas, the rest is being banked in our savings account which needs restoking (used to have $5K in it but only $200 now). We are taking a night and going to the beach to see the lights (free hotel stay due to his travel points) and a nice dinner-- all of this is his idea too--, and he suggested I go up (with the kids of course) and spend New Years with my friends/family up in PA so I am surprised about that. He is going to try to come too for a day or two to have a late Christmas with my family as well. Things are all roses, but considering everything I am looking forward to seeing my dad and one of my brothers, the other is in England and his family is going there to spend Christmas with him in Ireland with his wife's family there. But DH is trying really hard, he even bought me a dozen roses on my birthday a couple days ago and a really nice card, I couldn't have been more surprised....normally I get nada, not even a card. Granted my daughter told him to get me flowers, but still, he went over the top. But I digress as usual....everyone just needs to stay within what they can afford, we are cutting back some of course, but I have a bit more wiggle room now that I have that vacation money coming. Do it every year and it is a lifesaver.

Hmm, [2008-11-10]
that's an interesting suggestion. That's why I love this board. So many creative and quick thinking people. Yes, I think its more difficult on the adults. I just have this fear of making a mistake and bursting the bubble, although like I said this is a very reliable source and he is at an old enough age that I'm pretty sure he doesn't believe any more - just doesn't want or know how to fess up. Thanks for your idea!

I have had the pleasure... [2008-11-09]
....of working in several nursing homes as a CNA and nurse before coming to medical transcription. It's hard work and usually staffing is sometimes paltry, even in the good homes, but we really do care. Really. Every place has bad eggs, the hospitals, home care, etc., but everyone usually has to have some sort of heart to work in a nursing home. First things first...I always would check for jobs with this litmus test, and I recommend anyone do this. This is a make or break kind of ordeal. You look for the state inspection report. It HAS to be placed in a prominent place in the facility. If you cannot find it readily, ask where it is. If there is anything going on with hiding these documents, you leave and never come back. The other thing is to smell for stale urine or strong air fresheners. If you smell either of those, leave. (Do not check for BM smell--the smell often radiates and may be new, for lack of a better term.) Look at the residents. Do many of them seem content? Do you see aides with gait belts around their waists? Do the nurses look terribly stressed? Please also do not judge by tones of voices in the direct care staff. Often the staff must talk very directly, succintly, and abruptly--it sometimes comes off as harsh, but it's not--for particular residents to hear and/or understand. If you go in a facility in the evening, often the place is chaotic, particularly if there are demented residents. There is a condition known as sundowning that is very, very real. The ones with dementia who are sundowning may give the impression that care is not being given due to the chaos and behaviors brought by the condition. It's not the case. Usually these residents are kept in common areas until they are calm enough to retire for the night. If you go in the nighttime, often there is one night nurse for about 65ish residents. If you are so inclined to come in at this time and do not see anyone at the nurse's station for some time, know that the nurse may be tending to a medical issue and the CNAs are tending to personal care of the residents. If you ever see nurses eating a sandwich in one hand and writing in another hand while sitting at the nurse's station, this is sometimes the only break he or she gets. It's not out of disrespect that this is done. It is so that nurse can care for the residents as best as he or she can. What you are describing in your original post, unfortunately, is quite common, from what I have seen. Two people who are married a long time will often pass not too far apart. It seems people often do decide when they will go. As a nurse, it's one of the more incredible things I've seen. When I saw it happen, I always had the sense there is an extremely strong bond between the spouses that absolutely nothing could break. I'm not trying to say anything is amiss with your mother. I'm not. It doesn't always happen that way. I hope I don't come off that way. I'm sorry you are going through this, because no one wants to send a loved one to the nursing home, yet caring for an ailing parent is one of the most stressful things anyone can experience. I have never been in your position, so I hope I don't come off as too forward, rude, or presumptuous, but I wanted to tell you a little more about what you may be getting into. If you live in Iowa, I'd recommend you to a great one that has the best nurse I've ever met working there now. He has cooked up oyster soup in our kitchen when a resident stopped eating because the resident loved oyster soup. He has taken residents fishing for the heck of it. He wears a scrub shirt with chickens on it because many of our residents were farmers and like the shirt (and because my husband has a silly sense of humor and a wife with a sewing machine). I've known CNAs who buy (with their own money) residents pop and even steak just because the resident wanted it and could have it. Shoot, lots of us do it, even when we don't have a lot of money to our names. I loved to sing with the residents that had dementia (music seems to be retained) and chat about life with the residents who had their faculties. I promise it's not all doom and gloom. Sure, nursing homes could do better, but if you find the right one, it may just work out. All my best to you and your mother.

Vicks Vaoprub...interesting read [2008-11-06]
VICKS VAPO RUB .....INTERESTING!! During a lecture on Essential Oils, they told us how the foot soles can absorb oils. Their example: Put garlic on your feet and within 20 minutes you can Some of us have used Vicks Vapo rub for years for everything from chapped lips to sore toes and many body parts in between. But I don 100% of the time, although the scientists who discovered it aren night time coughing in a child (or adult, as we found out personally), put Vicks Vapo rub generously on the bottom of the feet at bedtime, then cover with socks. Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stop in about 5 minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief. Works 100% of the time and is more effective in children than even those very strong prescription cough medicines. In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly. Just happened to tune in A.M. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good, due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs so, I listened. It was a surprise finding and found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at bedtime, in addition to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly. My wife tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago and it worked 100%! She said that it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her, coughing stopped in a few minutes and believe me, this was a deep, (incredibly annoying) every few seconds uncontrollable cough, and she slept totally cough-free for hours every night that she used it. If you have grandchildren, pass this on. If you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed at how it works. DON TRY IT THE NEXT TIME YOU GET A BAD COLD. This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice be glad in it!

I want to see Calie and McSteamy [2008-11-05]
I think Calie and McSteamy make a good couple. Yang and the new military doc would made a good entertaining story too so I hope they become a couple too.

Ugh. Reminds me of (sm) [2008-11-02]
I remember dating this very handsome eligible batchelor when I was in my early 20s. He had his own apartment and a good job. He proudly told me about the fancy set of pots and pans he'd bought, so that was one thing he'd already have when he got married. I don't even care about cooking, but I didn't like the idea of the male picking out stuff for his future wife. I'm sure he made somebody a great husband, but it's funny how that conversation set off alarm bells for me. My husband also bought a car without talking to me about it while we were engaged, and I was quite shocked. It did say something about his attitude about money and purchases, and I should have listened to those warning bells too.