My husband was doing me a "favor" by helping me hunt down

we're s'posed to believe this new guy is her husband? [2008-11-21]
i set the DVR, won is the season ending, getting all these new players? i hope they make it believable...

I watched that one with my husband [2008-11-21]
We couldn't stop laughing the whole show!! Now THAT's entertainment!

My husband is oblivious to our finances [2008-11-20]
Sometimes that It sounds like maybe your husband is too proud to tell his family that he can I I would suggest talking to the leader of his family, the person who hosts the get-togethers, and let them know that you do the finances and you just don It doesn I would certainly let your husband know that you are going to say something beforehand, but he doesn I For birthdays, we take the time to call and wish that person a happy birthday. We don My brother lives about 2 hours away, so we don Unless his family is loaded, I'm sure they'll understand. As for the glasses, I just took my son for new glasses yesterday. The eye doctor said he needs a new prescription, but I asked if just the lenses could be replaced and the frames reused. He said absolutely. Our insurance covers new frames, lenses and the exam, but my son has a tendency to break things at the most inopportune time. We just bought him these glasses in June because he broke them and according to the insurance, it wasn Now that he is eligible for everything new, we asked for just the lenses. If he breaks his frames later in the year, we can just get new frames (covered by insurance) and pop the lenses in. The only problem there would be is they discontinue his frames because the new lenses probably wouldn So, something to consider here is, if your stepchild needs a new prescription and already has glasses, then I would check with your lawyer to see if you can just buy new lenses for the current frames. The frames are what normally cost the most anyway.

My husband can't say no to people either...sm [2008-11-20]
Unless he gets mad about something. We don't really work it out. I am usually just stuck as you say being the bad guy or give in. Find comfort in the fact that you aren't the only one who struggles with bills. I bought my son a Playstation 3 for X-mas this year for $400 but the only way I was able to do that was to put back money all year and hide it. It seems just typical man, most anyway, that you tell them and tell them but they don't pay you any mind or they don't want to hear it. Just sit him down and talk and tell him it isnno. Throw in some tears, which shouldn't be hard to do, for more effect. Maybe he will feel bad.

In Montana and just me and husband spend $400 a month..nm [2008-11-18]
nm

I agree with your husband. [2008-11-16]
Women don't do that to each other. The ones that do aren't worth knowing.

I agree with your new husband (sm) [2008-11-16]
When she lied to you in the beginning, that said it all. Especially to go so far as to not be able to believe you would accuse her of something like that. I would have to cut my losses and count myself as having one less friend. She stopped being your friend the day she chose to secretly see your husband.

Why when I am watching the kids is it a given and when my husband watches them he is (sm) [2008-11-03]
babysitting?

My husband had a kidney stone [2008-11-03]
and as the doctor was explaining to me what they found and where it was and what they would do I made a comment that I understand completely and then asked a question. I donoh, do you have medical experience? and I told him that I was an MT who transcribes acute care. The doctor then laughed and said that by the looks of his reports that come back that he didn't think MTs had any medical experience and were just typing. Yes, irritated me as well. I dont' know why people think we don't understand what we transcribe. Understanding is a huge part of the job.

Um..it was my ex-husband's story, not mine. I just retold it. [2008-11-02]
x

Hmm, sounds like my ex-husband. [2008-10-21]
NN

My husband work midnights until recently. [2008-10-21]
He would get home at 8 a.m. By then, I had been up and working for a few hours and was ready for a small break. We would talk while I ate breakfast. He would go to bed and I would continue with work. By the time, he got up around 4 or 5 p.m., I would be done working. We were able to spend time with the kids together and have dinner together before he went to work again. He has been on night shift at different times during our marriage, the last time for 4 years. We've never had any problems as far as my working. I just adjust my work time accordingly. If your husband is sleeping days and your kids are in school, what type of problem are you having getting work done?

When my husband started nights [2008-10-21]
It was his decision to switch to nights and I told him if he did he had to go to bed when he got home and be up when the kids got home from school. Some nights he might take a short nap before he leaves (by short I mean an hour) but that was the compromise we made.

Midnight shift husband for 18 years now......sm [2008-10-21]
It will get better....eventually. It took about 8 years for my hubby to realize I can't work midnights like him because we have two kids to raise. Believe me, it is very difficult at times, but it does get better. It might help if you have a calendar in full view for him to look at, so he knows what type of schedule you are on regarding work, kids activities, etc. Once he sees it in writing and realizes all the pressure that is on you, he may begin to understand. Believe me, night shift is not easy for the marriage. It takes great patience and understanding of both parties for it to succeed! I sleep with my golden retriever at night now!

First, kudos to your husband...sm [2008-10-20]
He wants to be there for you. Definitely tell him you would prefer he not go, but perhaps he could treat you to dinner out sometime afterwards. BTW, you are not abnormal--unless I am, too. I prefer going for exams/tests on my own. In fact, most of the time I do not tell people about them until after the fact. Hope everything turns out well for you.

Well, they are fun....my husband made a bunch of them (sm) [2008-10-14]
out of PVC pipes for my son's boy scout troop...they loved them. But then they were told by a ranger that they couldn't do it because of the mess they left behind. We had thought that out in the woods the animals and bugs could eat them but they didn't like the idea because it might attract wildlife near the camp sites. I think I would just ask the parents before getting them. They are a lot of fun though, and if they have a natural area where they can use them I don't see an issue.

My husband says it is because of fuel prices...sm [2008-10-13]
The stores have to pay so much to have the food delivered because it costs the trucks so much in fuel. My husband drives an 18 wheeler and you would not believe what it costs to deliver those loads. He doesn't haul food. But the fuel price for what he hauls is insane. It cost about $6000 just in fuel to haul some chemicals in a tanker to Montana from Mississippi. That is not counting what the owner of the truck has to pay the driver for taking the load up there. So you can kind of get an idea now why the food is going up like it is.

You and my husband and me both...sm [2008-10-11]
My husband will get irate if someone is riding in the left lane and doesn't get over. It bugs me too but I don't get irate. He gets absolutely furious.

Husband [2008-10-07]
He is having an affair, been there. Sorry, I only found about mine after the fact.

Something is amiss with husband [2008-10-06]
Been married over 10 years. Over the past year he has changed. He is in his mid 40s, active, excellent health. In the past year I would say that about 90% of the time he just does not listen to me. I end up repeating thoughts/sentences up to 3 times within about a 4 minute time span and then I say I I Then he gets angry and is already quite aggressive and bullying at his baseline. Other women laugh and say, well, that But this is quite serious as sometimes it has major consequences like he doesn He is disrespectful in other ways too. My question is, WHAT can I possibly do to make him start listening. I have thought of just not talking at all for about 3 days but that is impossible in a busy household. I have tried saying from now on I am only to tell you things once and that Doesn Please help -- any suggestions?

If my husband keep "checking" on me to see if I was working, I would throw something at him. [2008-10-01]
Seriously. That is ridiculous. Especially since you are working and he is not! How dare he accuse you of doing something that you have to hide? Get an answering machine. Don't answer the phone, or let him do it, since he has so much time on his hands. Keep a glass of water on your desk, and throw it on him when he opens the door. (Don't do this if he is violent, and if he is violent, you have a lot more problems than you realize.)

My sister's (now ex)husband kicked her - sm [2008-09-29]
pregnant golden retriever in the stomach repeatedly because he'd had an argument with my sister. Then he went off to work, as usual. My sister didn't waste a single minute. As soon as he left, she called in sick to work, drove to the city, hired an attorney, and filed for divorce. She also put a lien on a bunch of building materials he was about to receive, because she knew how much $ all that was worth. Then she went to the hardware store. By the time he came home that evening, the dog was safely inside a house whose locks had all been changed, his other truck in the driveway had been towed away to an undisclosed location, and all of his personal belongings were sitting out at the curb. Oh. And since he had also hit HER, she had filed a restraining order against him. She got half the house, which the judge forced him to sell, even though he built it with his own hands, and was on a PRIME piece of property. She made sure EVERYBODY IN TOWN knew what had happened, and people stopped hiring him to do construction work. He finally had to move out of state. Just goes to show, you shouldn't kick your wife's dog.

Unemployed husband driving me crazy sm [2008-09-29]
If my chair so much as squeaks, he has to open the bedroom door and see if I am really working. If the phone rings, he picks up the phone in the bedroom to listen in. This is getting way out of hand. I asked him to stop doing this but he got really mad and said I should have nothing to hide. I don't have anything to hide but he is really really working my last nerve! I am about ready to flip out.

I could loan you my husband for a week. I'm not frugal, [2008-09-23]
mm

Not sure about natural, but Bugs-B-Gone is what my husband uses.(nm) [2008-09-23]
x

Well he finally left....sm [2008-11-22]
He asked when my husband would be home and I said tonight and he left. He is staying somewhere else. He is getting an apartment next week 30 miles away from here he said so I am glad. I hate to say it but I am tired of babysitting. I got to where when he comes and won't leave I just stay in my office.

Birthdays with holidays. [2008-11-21]
Sometimes I like that the birthdays are around the holidays because then I can buy extra stuff and look at it all and decide how to split it up between the 2. Other times, like this year, we don't have much $ so I would really prefer them to be separated more but can choose that one! My husband normally leaves the lights on all night. Turn on when he gets home from work and off in the morning...not this year. I think its reasonable to just do a few hours each evening. I don't think we'll put up as many as we normally do either. Usually we line all the windows, roof, bushes, etc. Probably keep it simple this year.

I would have divorced a long time ago....sm [2008-11-21]
when my husband had a drug problem. I didn't because my son told me he would not come with me but that he would choose to stay with his dad. He was around 7 years old at the time. I couldn't leave my son. So I didn't leave. He is so close to his daddy. He would pick his dad drugs and all over me any day of the week and that hurt me very bad because I have always been a good mom. So I stayed. I guess God helped me though because my husband quit using drugs miraculously later and we are doing pretty good now.

Divorce [2008-11-21]
I divorced my first husband when my children were 1 and 3. He was a crack addict. It wasn't easy but it was the right decision for me. I would definitely suggest going to Al-Anon. I didn't make it there until quite a few after my divorce, but it helped me a great deal. Best of luck with your decision. Shelly

Something to definitely consider. [2008-11-21]
I would skip putting lights up but that is usually my husband's domain. I'm sure he will want to do as usual for the kids but we will definitely have them on a timer so they only run while it's dark and the kids are awake so just a few hours a night probably. I'm not even going to mention it yet and hope he procrastinates to the week before Christmas.

Also, if there is a really popular item you want...sm [2008-11-21]
you could map out the store. Saw this on the news once where a lady and her husband drew out a map and each aimed for a specific department/item. It was pretty comical, but efficient when you think about it. As for opening times, the ads will let you know. Anyway, good luck!

Northeast Atlanta is around 1.79, but [2008-11-21]
my husband saw it for 1.69 at one store yesterday.

it never really goes away, you just have to chalk it up [2008-11-21]
as a lesson learned. this is amazing, cuz the same thing just happened to me this week. been helping someone for ages, then they turn on me !! blew my mind and i we can only learn to surround ourselves with the loved ones around us. you can I and go down the long list of things that you know you are blessed with. this is the worst: youall the people who have done me wrong. so much for getting back to sleep once that list starts creeping into your consciousness. forgive yourself, realize it and remember, no good deed goes unpunished. -- sorry.

Here's my problem....sm [2008-11-21]
My dad is irresponsible and is in financial debt and doom. There is no way he can make the money to pay the bills he has accumulated. He has borrowed money he shouldnt have. Well the situation is... He has been knowing if he didn He refused to pay it. Every time he would get acheck he wouldn Well he kept not paying it for 2 months. Well yesterday they turned them out. It is freezing here. It is going to be in the 20s tonight. He said I don Well he was told and told to pay it and wouldn So now what does he do? As soon as he gets off work he comes to my house cause he don I can So I can He also said he had no money for food because he had to use it all for diesal for his dump truck. So I offered him food too. He also rumages through my cabinets for snacks. I feel like I am the parent and he is the child. My husband drives a big truck and he has been gone. When I tell him what is going on he gets aggravated because he is sitting at our house and all. He said he is a grown man and needs to step up and take care of himself but he is my dad and I can My husband will be home either late tonight or first thing in the morning and this is not going to go over too well with him. I am at a loss.

He is 60 years old...sm [2008-11-21]
And acts like he is 2. He doesnI am not his babysitter. He is a grown man and he needs to act like it. Social service doesn't need to help him. The man makes decent money. He just won't take responsibity to pay his bills and has too many at that. He needs to thin them out. For instance, he has 2 new model trucks. He does not need 2 trucks but he WANTS both of them. But a light bill is one of your most important bills. And I for a fact know he had the money to pay it and didn't. I even told him you better go pay that electric bill. He wouldn't. I have never seen anyone who was quite like him. I love my dad and don't want to hurt him but he is making things very hard for me right now. I can't babysit him anymore. He is more than welcome to come visit me as often as he wants. He can come by everyday if he wants. But then there is a time to leave and go home. I have a family and I know I wouldnt like it if my husbands dad did this. I would not be happy at all. I am not happy about my father doing it but what do you do? Tell him get out?

Lolabug...lol...sm [2008-11-21]
Well Lola kinds of sounds like my first name and my husband used to call me (sorry this is really sappy)...butterfly...so I came up with bug out of that. Everybody's stories behind their names are pretty interesting!!!

I only have one child, a son..sm [2008-11-20]
so that helps. I usually spend about $300 on my son, but this year I have spent $400 already on a playstation 3 he has wanted ever since they came out last year. I can't just give him that so I have to buy him some other little things to open. My mom and mother-in-law and sister-in-law are going to buy playstation 3 games because after spending $400 on it I can't buy the games too, which are about $60 each. So I still have to buy some small things for him so I will probably spend about $500 on my son this year. The most I have ever spent on him and he is 10. Like I said it is usually no more than $300. I try to spend no more than $100 on my husband, but this year I know he has said how he would love to have an ipod. So I am going to buy one for about $150. I have my dad to buy for and mom. I know I will probably spend about $50 on my mom. My dad I am not sure yet. In-laws are usually about $20-25 each. My sister about $25. My brother in law about $20. My 2 nephews about $20 each. I also have a niece I will spend about $20-30 on. I try to spend a little more on my niece because my sister in law spends a lot on my son. So you see I have a lot of people to buy for. I don't even know how much that is all together but it ain't cheap. And the people I buy for I have to cause they do for us.

Christmas Club...sm [2008-11-20]
I have three grown kids (includes 1 in-law) and I have money taken out of my paycheck through the year and whatever the amount is when I get the check, I divide that by 3 and that is how much I spend on the kids. It I put back through the year from my OT and get my husband something nice and then I just pick up a few inexpensive things along the way for a couple of other people I like to give a little something to. I don't think anybody really cares how much I spend on them, but I do try my best to be equal in what I spend on the kids, even at their ages now!

Do any of you have a spouse [2008-11-20]
who can How do you work it out? Are you just stuck always being the bad guy? Unfortunately, the entire United States is having a difficult financial time. It is obviously not just our household. We have cut back everywhere we can, and I mean everywhere. Our families are having difficult problems as well. We also have an ex-spouse and have had unexpected increases in child support, etc. recently along with unexpected additional expenses where this is concerned. Basically, the child needs new glasses, etc. even though the child really doesn It just seems like it is one thing after another and I know it is for everyone, although the circumstances may be slightly different. My problem is that I have been telling my husband for months that this was coming, along with Christmas, birthday, etc. He hasn Although we have cut back on many things, on my initiative, it just has not sunk in for him until now...when everything finalized and we dont To top this off, he can Ibad guy because he is ok with all of it although he admits he has no idea where the money is going to come from. I have been upfront with my family and when people ask me but is it too much to ask that he do the same? I dont But of course he wants to constantly remind me (the cheap skate and tight-a$$) to cut back on groceries, etc. which I cannot possibly do any more than I have already. We have nothing left in savings. We have no Christmas fund. I I donI told you so but I did tell him and he had no concerns until now...when we are seemingly headed towards financial trouble. I have been working OT but his OT has been cut indefinitely from his employer. I I must say he doesn't buy things for himself..its just the piddling away of $20 here and $20 there on top of our already mounting unexpected expenses.

My husband is oblivious to our finances [2008-11-20]
Sometimes that It sounds like maybe your husband is too proud to tell his family that he can I I would suggest talking to the leader of his family, the person who hosts the get-togethers, and let them know that you do the finances and you just don It doesn I would certainly let your husband know that you are going to say something beforehand, but he doesn I For birthdays, we take the time to call and wish that person a happy birthday. We don My brother lives about 2 hours away, so we don Unless his family is loaded, I'm sure they'll understand. As for the glasses, I just took my son for new glasses yesterday. The eye doctor said he needs a new prescription, but I asked if just the lenses could be replaced and the frames reused. He said absolutely. Our insurance covers new frames, lenses and the exam, but my son has a tendency to break things at the most inopportune time. We just bought him these glasses in June because he broke them and according to the insurance, it wasn Now that he is eligible for everything new, we asked for just the lenses. If he breaks his frames later in the year, we can just get new frames (covered by insurance) and pop the lenses in. The only problem there would be is they discontinue his frames because the new lenses probably wouldn So, something to consider here is, if your stepchild needs a new prescription and already has glasses, then I would check with your lawyer to see if you can just buy new lenses for the current frames. The frames are what normally cost the most anyway.

there is a parallel universe! [2008-11-20]
Depressed is the right word for what he feels, so you can shut your mouth right now. This is all about guilt. I am a step-mom too and I swear you are telling my story down to the glasses! I would love to tell you that you are in this together and partners, etc., but the truth is my husband did not come around until he got a good job, a really good job that had status and paid a lot of money, and he had to do that all on his own. I let him buy expensive clothes, because for some reason, every time he got a raise it co-incided with buying a nicer suit or tie, so you can help him there. All the nightmarish gift exchanges, arguments about buying lotto tickets, not eating out, step-kids, all the horrific details and arguments just came down to him deciding to step up. Then it all just went away, the depression, the lotto tickets, and the give away the farm stuff too. Good luck to you! Don't give up on him!

congratulations [2008-11-20]
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Again, I have to tell you we have so much in common! It was the birth of my daughter that inspired my husband to be his better self. Oh, and the step-kids growing up....... that is a whole other thing and they still cost you money, but at least the lawyers are out of it by then! Congrats again! YOU hang in there!

Anyone go through a divorce w/younger kids? sm [2008-11-20]
Iit just isn while I have always felt you don't throw around the word divorce unless you mean it. Well, I mean it now. I gave him an ultimatum - straighten himself out or I leave with the kids. I am not going to go through 5 years of this again. It is affecting the kids, and my son is acting out to the point of saying he wishes he had never been born. I am giving my husband until after Christmas to decide what he is going to do, and if he does not value our marriage more than his alcohol, I am moving out of state. This is not to keep him away from the kids but because my parents (divorced also) are in a different state than I am and I have no family at all here. Has anyone had to make a decision like this? I donno other options. He refuses to go to counseling or to see a doctor about what I am positive is depression. Any tips or suggestions? Sorry to dump on everyone like this, thanks for reading.

I think about it a lot but different situation (sm) [2008-11-20]
My two children are almost the exact ages of yours. My husband doesn't have the drinking issue but has plenty of personality issues. I think you absolutely should leave, no ifs, ands or buts. I just think being in that environment is awful for your kids, he is saying it is not going to work anyway and talking about ending the marriage. I say if he doesn't change then yes, go, without a doubt.

make a call [2008-11-20]
Look in the phone book under Alcoholics Anonymous and call the central office. Tell them you need someone to make a 12-step call. Someone from your local area who is in AA will come over to your house and talk to your husband and you can leave with the kids during this time. By the time you get back, your husband will have decided whether or not he will sober up. Usually the person he talked to will assume responsibility for taking him to the meetings or finding someone who will sponsor him. So you are off the hook at this point. On the other hand, he may decide no thanks and then you will have your real answer. AA is free and pretty crowded with new people around the holidays, so the timing is good. The average age of a person coming into AA is 25 to 45, so there should be plenty of people for him to talk to. At the same meeting place there should be meetings for you called Al-Anon and for your son called Alateen. Good Luck!

Thanks everyone sm [2008-11-20]
I didnthey would even get in the door, though, because my husband would probably slam the door. This kills me too because without the substance abuse, he is a good person, and I wish he could just see that he could be that person again. He is not and has never been physically abusive, but the verbal abuse is just as painful. Addiction and depression are hard things to conquer, but this is his last chance with me. I am so thankful that I have the ability to get up and go with this profession and that I have somewhere to go.

I've been there [2008-11-20]
I have been in your shoes. Last year my husband died unexpectedly at age 56, I literally woke up one morning and he was dead in our bed next to me (aneurysm). That started a downhill spiral . . . . since then I I canhow depressed III am working now and starting to pull myself up out of the dark hole I've been in. The poster above is right. You need to see a doctor. I found out that most major health systems have programs for those of us with no insurance and no money. Call their financial offices and just tell them point blank you need to be seen and you have no insurance. They will not refuse you. I found a clinic near my house that is part of a largehospital. I was able to see a doctor for a physicalandget my annual Pap and mammogram done at no charge. They gave me samples of my medications (I have asthma) for a few months until I had insurance again. They prescribed an antidepressant which worked wonders and they gave me that as samples each month. Move closer to your family. You My family has been supportive of all the decisions I Spend time with yourgrandchild, kids can make you feel so much better.If you I did. I didn Forjust myselfI was given 174.00 a month for food and it helped outtremendously. I know it You may be hesitant to take free medical care or ask for food benefits, but remember THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY and you will get back on your feet. It may take a while, but you will make it. Good luck to you.

Thanks for the suggestions. [2008-11-20]
Where the step is concerned it won't help. The situation is what it is and I knew it when we married. It's just frustrating at times but I know it is only temporary. I would hate to be the hateful ex who treats someone this way. It must be a terrible life to live constantly dreaming of ways to hurt your ex and his family instead of enjoying your own family and knowing that your child is well taken care of. As for the family stuff. I have tried to talk to the leaders of the family and they looked at me like I was a complete loon. That's fine. They can do what they want. He can do what he wants, but our budget is what it is and that will mean less for his child. Next year I WILL have a xmas fund set up so that I can provide for our kids and we don't end up in this holiday mess again. If nothing else $20 a month is more than what we have now and I'm sure I can scrape that together if I really try. Thanks for your help. :) I wish I could be oblivious like your husband!

haven't been there [2008-11-20]
but just wanted to wish you well. It sounds like you are making the right decision. My husband's father is an alcoholic and from what I have heard (we have talked about it a lot) it is not pleasant for kids. You are making the right decision for them. My MIL did not do the same for her kids but my husband still wishes she had. His father is still an alcoholic and now we face the difficult decision with his influence on our children. We make the tough decisions that we feel are best for our kids. It's our job as parents and we know it is the right thing to do, despite what others within the family may say, namely the alcoholic FIL and MIL who still stands by his side and takes the abuse. Good luck. It will all work out in time.

this is horrible p.s. [2008-11-19]
If you don't stand up for yourself (and your kids) you will end up with a son who treats his wife the way your husband treats you and a daughter who feels it is okay to be starved by her husband. I get that you have creditors, but you are a family. You can't have some members paying the price and others not. Either everyone eats a little less or no one does & you find a different way to deal with the situation. Food is not a luxury.