My husband was doing me a "favor" by helping me hunt down

My husband and I both smoke! [2008-12-03]
This January we have decided will be it. It is no longer socially acceptable. My excuse has always been that I am afraid to gain a lot of weight. My brother quit after 15 years (early 30s) and he used Chantix. He was a 3-pack a day smoker. Let me tell you, he is so much better. No coughing. After 6 years of trying to have a baby and failing in vitro; they have just had a baby this November. They both smoked/him worse. They are now both nonsmokers for over a year, have gained weight, but have such a blessing. He swears it was the smoking that caused the infertility. This pregnancy was the natural way and she We are all elated. I am especially proud of him and feel like such a wimp to continue to smoke knowing it is killing me. It makes me feel inferior to others. Thank God my brother is an encouraging soul and not one of those horrible ex-smokers who just won't let up or are worse than just plain nonsmokers. To the OP: These poster above is absolutely correct. My brother will vouge that everything in life is better now that he is a nonsmoker (i He says the Chantix worked and he is by no means a pill-taker at all. To the OP again: If you You are worth it! You can still smoke the first week on Chantix, but then the cravings will disappear. Believe me, I also enjoy the cigarette especially after eating but smoke a lot more when I I I hate the habit, but I love the cigarettes. See what I mean? It Whaddya say? E-mail me! To the Poster Above: Thank you for your kind comments as you've also just made me decide that quitting is the best and only option at this point. I had an aunt that died of ovarian cancer and never smoked or drank a day in her life. She was thin, always health conscious. Not all cancers including lung come from smoking. Keep that in mind as you strive to quit.

We went to my husband's aunt's house once... [2008-12-03]
and they were having a get together because his uncle was dying of lung cancer. In rolls his three sisters and brother, all with their oxygen tanks and cannulas that they would have to take off to have their cigarettes. I found it fairly ironic and that is when I decided to quit smoking. Not the cancer, not the emphysema, but the ridiculousness of seeing people who can't breath because of smoking taking off what helps them to breath so that they can smoke. At any rate, I am not sure that I really have a point, just something that is interesting to me.

I suspect that once I mention this to my husband [2008-12-02]
that he will side with his sisters and not give a darn that my son is graduating. I even expect he will have an ugly comment to make about it also.

LOL It went well. Thank you to everyone for helping! [2008-11-28]
I felt bad because none of the friends or extended family that she invited showed up. They all called to cancel. We did not have leftover Turkey but plenty of desert and rolls. She bought 45 dinner rolls?! I think some of you are right that this is the beginning of sundowning for them. I will have to explain this to my husband because he just thinks they are losing their minds. I heard from another family member that MIL has a stash of a case candy bars in her closet and yesterday she went in the bedroom for cookie sheets to put the biscuits on. A little odd, especially being that they have extra storage area in the basement. I think FIL took it as it was just that much less food that cost him money because he was so happy that I brought as much food as I did and kept saying how much he loved the veggie tray, etc. I think MIL was a little miffed when I got there because she didnstay the heck out of my kitchen and keep your opinion to your self and afterwards he gets the look of You have always been my favorite child, thank you LOL But I understand things are different with moms and their own kids versus the spouse, especially with females. So overall it turned out well and everyone had plenty to eat. We didn't have to run out for burgers or home for dinner.

You know sometimes my husband doesn't want to go to my family things either... [2008-11-26]
and I have learned that if he doesn't want to go, don't be mad, just go without him...It is better to go alone then have to sit there with him while he is moping about being there. I understand your frustration and maybe your husband knows something will set him off and start a fight and he doesn't want to do that to you. Maybe he is really thinking of your feelings.

I would love to, but my husband is in Iraq :( [2008-11-25]
no message.

Maybe your husband........... sm [2008-11-25]
would agree to a temporary arrangement with new kitty staying on your enclosed back porch until you could find him a good home? I know I did that once. I brought home a poor kitten in the dead of a snowy winter until a good home could be found. He is still here with us 10 years later.

What do you do when your husband...sm [2008-11-25]
wont My parents got a divorce this year. My mom told my dad he could come and visit and eat and see us kids. Well my husband has said if he is going to come then I won I really want to spend thanksgiving with my husband but I can She has helped me too much. She does so much for me. More than anyone. So I am going. He said he don He also doesn So he won If my mother and us kids can tolerate my dad why can

Sure, but does it have to be with my husband? [2008-11-24]
LOL. Sorry. I couldn't resist.

we're s'posed to believe this new guy is her husband? [2008-11-21]
i set the DVR, won is the season ending, getting all these new players? i hope they make it believable...

I watched that one with my husband [2008-11-21]
We couldn't stop laughing the whole show!! Now THAT's entertainment!

My husband is oblivious to our finances [2008-11-20]
Sometimes that It sounds like maybe your husband is too proud to tell his family that he can I I would suggest talking to the leader of his family, the person who hosts the get-togethers, and let them know that you do the finances and you just don It doesn I would certainly let your husband know that you are going to say something beforehand, but he doesn I For birthdays, we take the time to call and wish that person a happy birthday. We don My brother lives about 2 hours away, so we don Unless his family is loaded, I'm sure they'll understand. As for the glasses, I just took my son for new glasses yesterday. The eye doctor said he needs a new prescription, but I asked if just the lenses could be replaced and the frames reused. He said absolutely. Our insurance covers new frames, lenses and the exam, but my son has a tendency to break things at the most inopportune time. We just bought him these glasses in June because he broke them and according to the insurance, it wasn Now that he is eligible for everything new, we asked for just the lenses. If he breaks his frames later in the year, we can just get new frames (covered by insurance) and pop the lenses in. The only problem there would be is they discontinue his frames because the new lenses probably wouldn So, something to consider here is, if your stepchild needs a new prescription and already has glasses, then I would check with your lawyer to see if you can just buy new lenses for the current frames. The frames are what normally cost the most anyway.

My husband can't say no to people either...sm [2008-11-20]
Unless he gets mad about something. We don't really work it out. I am usually just stuck as you say being the bad guy or give in. Find comfort in the fact that you aren't the only one who struggles with bills. I bought my son a Playstation 3 for X-mas this year for $400 but the only way I was able to do that was to put back money all year and hide it. It seems just typical man, most anyway, that you tell them and tell them but they don't pay you any mind or they don't want to hear it. Just sit him down and talk and tell him it isnno. Throw in some tears, which shouldn't be hard to do, for more effect. Maybe he will feel bad.

In Montana and just me and husband spend $400 a month..nm [2008-11-18]
nm

I agree with your husband. [2008-11-16]
Women don't do that to each other. The ones that do aren't worth knowing.

I agree with your new husband (sm) [2008-11-16]
When she lied to you in the beginning, that said it all. Especially to go so far as to not be able to believe you would accuse her of something like that. I would have to cut my losses and count myself as having one less friend. She stopped being your friend the day she chose to secretly see your husband.

Why when I am watching the kids is it a given and when my husband watches them he is (sm) [2008-11-03]
babysitting?

My husband had a kidney stone [2008-11-03]
and as the doctor was explaining to me what they found and where it was and what they would do I made a comment that I understand completely and then asked a question. I donoh, do you have medical experience? and I told him that I was an MT who transcribes acute care. The doctor then laughed and said that by the looks of his reports that come back that he didn't think MTs had any medical experience and were just typing. Yes, irritated me as well. I dont' know why people think we don't understand what we transcribe. Understanding is a huge part of the job.

Um..it was my ex-husband's story, not mine. I just retold it. [2008-11-02]
x

Hmm, sounds like my ex-husband. [2008-10-21]
NN

My husband work midnights until recently. [2008-10-21]
He would get home at 8 a.m. By then, I had been up and working for a few hours and was ready for a small break. We would talk while I ate breakfast. He would go to bed and I would continue with work. By the time, he got up around 4 or 5 p.m., I would be done working. We were able to spend time with the kids together and have dinner together before he went to work again. He has been on night shift at different times during our marriage, the last time for 4 years. We've never had any problems as far as my working. I just adjust my work time accordingly. If your husband is sleeping days and your kids are in school, what type of problem are you having getting work done?

When my husband started nights [2008-10-21]
It was his decision to switch to nights and I told him if he did he had to go to bed when he got home and be up when the kids got home from school. Some nights he might take a short nap before he leaves (by short I mean an hour) but that was the compromise we made.

Midnight shift husband for 18 years now......sm [2008-10-21]
It will get better....eventually. It took about 8 years for my hubby to realize I can't work midnights like him because we have two kids to raise. Believe me, it is very difficult at times, but it does get better. It might help if you have a calendar in full view for him to look at, so he knows what type of schedule you are on regarding work, kids activities, etc. Once he sees it in writing and realizes all the pressure that is on you, he may begin to understand. Believe me, night shift is not easy for the marriage. It takes great patience and understanding of both parties for it to succeed! I sleep with my golden retriever at night now!

First, kudos to your husband...sm [2008-10-20]
He wants to be there for you. Definitely tell him you would prefer he not go, but perhaps he could treat you to dinner out sometime afterwards. BTW, you are not abnormal--unless I am, too. I prefer going for exams/tests on my own. In fact, most of the time I do not tell people about them until after the fact. Hope everything turns out well for you.

Well, they are fun....my husband made a bunch of them (sm) [2008-10-14]
out of PVC pipes for my son's boy scout troop...they loved them. But then they were told by a ranger that they couldn't do it because of the mess they left behind. We had thought that out in the woods the animals and bugs could eat them but they didn't like the idea because it might attract wildlife near the camp sites. I think I would just ask the parents before getting them. They are a lot of fun though, and if they have a natural area where they can use them I don't see an issue.

lol sounds like my MIL [2008-12-04]
My MIL was pissy this year too. Apparently because I got off of work (due to no jobs) and we arrived an hour early to spend extra time with them. She was mad at me. I thought it was a good thing!? We have always gotten along as well but I have come to realize I just tolerate her and move on. Itstuck in the kitchen and feels left out. Of course she says this to her children. I always offer and more than once but I have come to realize if I just step in and do it won't be right regardless. She doesn't talk to any of her own kids that way even though I know for a fact my husband does things very different from the way she does. Somehow she doesn't notice with him but alarms go off when it's me. She also hates to allow me to make anything to bring for dinner. I am martha-stewart-ish and she is the pull a pie out of the box type of person so I think it intimidates her or something. It's just the way I am and I enjoy doing things from scratch and old fashioned, plus I like to know what I am feeding my kids. I usually ask but just bring stuff along because I know it is the right thing to do and forget about the rest. She talks nice to the other DIL in her presence but the moment she turns her back she bad-mouths her. A few people recently have told me she does the same to me (Imom any more. I feel for her but dang, I will be glad to relinquish the dinner reins to my DIL or SIL so I can just sit around and play with grandkids some day!

We just bought a new mattress - sm [2008-12-04]
It's a Sealy. Can't recall exactly which one but lower end on the price bracket. I think it was about 1000.00 for the mattress and box springs. We had one of those air beds for a long time and I will never ever recommend one of those. My husband also has back problems and needed a comfy mattress so he wanted that number bed thing. It was horrible. I would wake up with lower back pain that would stick with me half the day. His pain was worse too. Not to mention the fact that his side of the bed sprung a leak so after about the first year or so, there was no adjusting it to a comfort zone. Had to pump it all the way up and by morning, it was completely flat and he was laying in a hole inside the foam frame. It was cheaply made, uncomfortable, and a HUGE rip off. Go for a Sealy, it's worth it. I'm loving it.

No fights but [2008-12-04]
my husband's family (mainly MIL) sure does know how to strike a nerve and I can see how one could easily break out. More or less everyone makes an effort to keep their distance from her. Dinner is one thing, spending the entire weekend together is another. The kids split off to visit each other at their own homes with their kids and leave the parent's out. My family is all about family over the holidays so no fights. I think it's understood by everyone that if you don't like it, you don't have to participate but it's one of the few times a year that everyone can get together and put their past feelings aside and get along. We were taught that from a young age.

Backaches and mattresses - sm [2008-12-04]
My husband wakes up with a backache every morning. He does have some back issues but our mattress could be contributing to his problem. Too many choices re mattesses, so would like to know if anyone has an opinion as to what type to try. Thank you.

You're not a hopeless case! sm [2008-12-04]
Each day is a new beginning. Donvictor not you can get some help there. You are the victim. You are worth the effort. Some pills do cause nightmares, try Benadryl at night. I thus the need to relax, I understand, please don't give up. If you don't have a PCP, try a walk-in clinic or the pharmacist, you never know, they may have some good advice. Think of the $$$ you will save, use it to pamper yourself and your self-image will improve. You can do it, baby steps at a time. Remember, every day is a new start.

Absolutely agree [2008-12-03]
I say screw everyone else including your husband if he decides the wedding is more important than the graduation. Personally I would leave it in my husband's hands to respond appropriately. As my husband likes to tell people, it's easier for him NOT to tick off his wife. lol and if they continue to act this way toward you, I would NOT send them a gift or even try to make it to the wedding/reception/or anything else.

My mom smoked for 63 years. She [2008-12-03]
always had healthy lungs. After she broke her hip the first time, the doctors kept telling me to get her off the cigarettes. She would not quit, but I finally got her to quit 2 years later by telling herI quit, because she also started falling asleep with lit ciggies and burning things. Three months later, she was in for another broken hip. After the films came back from her chest x-ray, the ER physician pointed out a nodule in her lung...not sure if it was the start of lung cancer and wanted to keep close watch. I hate to say this, but thank heavens she never came home. I would have felt very guilty for making her stop and she might have gotten lung cancer through not smoking. My husband's mother died from lung and back cancer. She had smoked all her life and quit. A year later, she was gone. Makes you think and wonder about it.

be thankful to have him around at Christmas time... [2008-12-03]
and try to overlook some of these things that bother you. My husband is in Iraq and I would give just about anything to have all of his annoying habits around for Christmas. Just a different perspective, but sometimes these things aren't as bad as we think. It is a little endearing that he is so excited at Christmas. Like a kid almost. :)

loss [2008-12-03]
My sister-in-law died at 52 of lung cancer with brain mets. She had neck pain for five years before and thought it was from a car accident, but it was the tumor. Christmas was her favorite holiday. My husband quit smoking on her birthday for motivation.

Understand completely (see message) [2008-12-03]
This time of year is sad, canHospice or nursing home,you can Anything is minute compared to this disease, cutting off your fingers would be easier! Never smoked but transcribed a university study on it, some buried their butts, froze them, couldn't quit. So I am on a mission, I guess! There has to be a better way, I do have compassion but passion to help others see the reality of what it does to you.

Wicked stepmother?? [2008-12-02]
You just did this girl a huge favor by making her take responsibility for herself. I am not much older than she is, but I have been taking responsibility for decades...what is wrong with her, other than she seems totally incapable of managing her own life, can't make a decent adult choice to save her fanny and she has someone to constantly bale her out? I am GLAD you cut her off! I am proud of you for doing it too, it took guts. By helping her at every turn you simply encourage and enable her behavior. BRAVO!

I have cleaned my house and now I have adjustment disorder sm [2008-12-02]
I have been working on my bathroom remodel since Memorial Day. It should have taken 4 weekends and I only just finished on Thanksgiving Day. I did 95% of myself, including cutting holes for and installing, 2 sinks in the vanity. I am pleased, it is gorgeous, but that is another story. Okay, I put my bedroom back together after 6 months of being a disheveled PIT. I am cleaning the house because my daughter will be home in a couple of weeks to get married at the JP in a nearby town. I still have to make her a dress too...but I wanted the house clean for she and her fiance/husband. It is coming along very well. My problem? I can't manage a house where I am not stepping over crap on the floor, shifting stuff around so I can get to my clothes or go to bed. This is all new to me, clean floor space and no dust, a place for everything and everything in its place...I can't cope. It is clean AND tidy, the antique linens are pressed and starched, on the surfaces. IT is lovely!!!! I am depressed now. I don't adjust well to change.

lol upgraded from the closet [2008-12-02]
I have thought of moving INTO the closet. My husband wanted to put me in the basement but it is not finished yet. I said no way! It's cold and creepy down there. I dont' like to be by myself either. I work better with background noise.

I would give them what you can afford [2008-12-02]
and if they don't like it, it's their problem. It's the thought that counts. A teenager should enjoy a gift certificate to the movies or to his/her favorite clothing store. As for the adults, my husband and I have been giving our parents gift cards to their local grocery store. Everyone needs to eat. I'm glad we don't run into these problems with our families. Everyone is happy to get something no matter how inexpensive. Try not to stress too much about it.

The year is going downhill... [2008-12-02]
My husband has4 sisters and of course they are all married, have kids of their own, some grandkids, etc. Graduation has always been a big deal and we usually have one each year or every other yearand afterwards a big family get together, etc. This year one of the nephews has decided he wants to get married in May but hasn I just sent an email out to everyone to save the date because my oldest son (from a previous marriage) is graduating this coming May. The mom of the nephew just sent me an email back and said that graduation better not interfere with the wedding. Since the wedding is not set, why not put it on a date that won On my side of the family it It's definitely turning into a bah humbug time of year. {sigh}

This happened to a friend of mine from high school........sm [2008-12-01]
He had mono after we graduated from high school and was off work for about 5 weeks. He went back to work too early and, while driving home from work one day, his spleen just burst and he crashed into an oncoming log truck, killing him instantly. It was really a double tragedy because the first people on the scene to find him were his mom and dad, who had a bad heart anyway. His dad suffered a major MI on the spot and had to be taken to the ER. His poor mom lost her son that day and almost lost her husband.

I have something in my past [2008-12-01]
That I haven't told my husband and I don't plan on it. No one but me and one other person knows about it and the other person is long gone. It was something medical, and no it wasn't an unwanted pregnancy or anything like that. There's no need for him to know since I didn't know my husband back then and it doesn't have any bearing on anything in our relationship now.

Same problem here. [2008-11-30]
My husband works with loud machines and we both have noticed his hearing is going. I actually thinks he likes it because when I ask him to do something and it doesnI didn. Very frustrating for me. My husband also expects big presents for Christmas, birthday, etc, wrapped up all nice and pretty. Last year, he received a big gift and I received nothing from him. He says I'm hard to buy for so he won't do it. Or else on Christmas Eve, he will say he's going shopping what should he get me. He always takes the fun out of any gift-giving occasion. This year, I told him we are not exchanging and that means BOTH of us will do without. We'll see how he likes it.

Silly Girl shouldn't have to treat her [2008-11-30]
husband like a dog or a child. After all, she is his wife, not his mother. If she wants a pet, she can go to the animal shelter and get a dog. She married a man and he needs to act like one. It sounds like she gives and gives, and he takes. I think Silly Girl should start taking care of herself for a change.

Likening a spouse to a dog or horse... [2008-11-30]
imagine if a male doc suggested treating a wife like that; the outrage would be heard round the world. Maybe acting like adults and having a conversation like a married couple would help. How demeaning to treat a husband that way. Where do you women find these men that you have to train? Gesh, I always thought my DH was fabulous...now I am CERTAIN he is!

men [2008-11-30]
Me and my husband used to smoke...a lot, each over two packs a day. I got sick and quit, but I did not ask him to quit. He would blow smoke in my face and really kept hoping I would start up again, but I never did. He was really angry with me for quitting. Then his ego could not take it anymore and he quit. He figured if I could do it, how hard could it be? Believe me, he was humbled. Anyone who quits smoking is humbled. Cigarettes are tough to beat. He was really mean to me when he was quitting smoking too like it was my punishment. My point is that no one ever tells you that sometimes you have to stand up to the ones you love, maybe your kids or your husband, whoever. Sometimes people we love take us forgranted or bully us. Maybe we think that if they loved us they would not put us through that stuff. I think the truth is we are just supposed to stand up for ourselves period, even at home. Good Luck!

A lot of us have things in our past........ sm [2008-11-30]
that we are not proud of, and while we do not deliberately try to hide them, sometimes it is just easier not to talk about them as it is painful and very often misunderstood by those around us, even our spouses. It is not my business what this secret is that your husband has, but it sounds as if it is something that he has learned a lesson from and probably will not end up repeating in the future. My own personal opinion is that if this is not something that is threatening your marriage or your children right now, I would let the past stay in the past. In other words, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

family secrets [2008-11-30]
My mother blackmails my sister that she will tell her secrets to her new husband. If you love your husband, let it go and if you refuse to let it go, make sure you consider the source as more trustworthy than your husband before you bring it up.

I just need to VENT and see what you all think...Beware...this is long...sm [2008-11-30]
I have tried twice to tell this story but deleted it both times because the story is just too long so I will be as short as I can. I have a bunch of ROTTEN TO THE CORE sisters.My sisters are just about the worst people I have ever met in my whole 43 years on this planet. There is one who is especially bad and I just told my other sister that if she ever dies, to please not call me as I won I come from a very large family with 5 sisters and 1 brother with my brother being the oldest. He is not involved. He sort ofleft the family years ago because he couldn They did terrible things to him after his divorce. We rarely see him now.I am considered a scumbag and a loser because my husband and I don We don We don We can We love our children with everything in our souls. They have made fun of me and my husband and insulted us to our faces.My husband and I have a difficult marriage as he is tough to get along with so they hate my husband My sistershave all gone out to dinner without inviting me. I have found out because of someone They have made threats and sent rumors flying throughout the family, without me knowing, about calling DCYF on me. I heard that one too from a slip of the tongue. I cried for 2 hours in the shower that day. They talk about everyone and I mean everyone badly. They have awell known reputation ina couple of our towns here for being mean horrible girls. They are about as fake and phony as a person can get. Sweet and all smiles to your face and when you turn around, they stick that knife in as far as they can get it in. They have what they have in their lives because of what someone has given them. My sister had her property given to her by her in-laws. It is worth about $1,000,000. My other sister had land given to her by her husbandto lessen their mortage burden so now they owe almost nothing on their $500,000 house. They think they are fabulous people. They think they are the cat In the past years when we were all talking and I would be invited to a holiday, I was not spoken to at all the whole time I was there. I am a venter and I always have been so if my husband and I are fighting, I will always go to my older sister (one up from me) and vent and vent until I can She gets on the phone the second I leave and tells every person in my family what is going on. They in turn judge me and my husband, make their threats, and so on. This is also happening to my oldest sister and her partner (she is in a gay relationship but was always dating a man and was married twice) and my sister The three of us, me, my sister and her partner, and my sister We get along well. We are happy with each other. We don Whatever happens in each other lives, we just accept it and don I now attend holidays at my sister I don I don The sisters (I like to call them the Witches of Eastwick) all attend holidays with each other up at my sister The three of us are not invited. My older sister has a son. Several yeas ago, my sister and her partner had a terrible fight with him. He went to the witches and told them a bunch of lies and now they have pretty much shunned her and her daughter and me too because we still talk to her.I have a sister, who is involved in all of this, that I speak to on a regular basis. She is close to my kids or at least my oldest son. She pretty much ignores my other two children and they tell me, It She is the one who has spread rumors about me in the family trying to get everyone to call DCYF on me. I heard this too by a slip of the tongue from another sister a few years back. I tend to be a forgiving person so I quietly forgave her for this without her ever knowing that I knew what she was trying to do. Now that they are all inviited to the holidays up to my sister They are extremely fat just like her. These holiday trips up north are usually kept quiet and I only know about it the day before they are leaving to go, which is when she inevitably asks me to come feed her f******g cats. This is how Iknow that a big party is going on up at the cabin and once again only the chosen selected few are going. This is usually for 3 or 4 days and they get fed twice a day so I have to goto her house twice a day. Sometimes I have to give them medication and the last time she asked me, I even had to soak her sick cat She lives about 20 minutes away from me. This girl would NEVER, NEVER, EVER do this for me. My husband and I took our children on a cruise 3 years ago and we have a cat and I never asked her to do this for me as I know she would have laughed in my face. I have been feeding her cats for years now when she goes away. Keep in mind though that she was in the select chosen few to be invited up to the cabin. I was not as I am considered trash in the family. I am SICK AND TIRED of feeding this girl My sister who invites everyone to go is a mean, horrible, sadistic, vicious, backstabbing wretched b***h. No one will say anything to her like, Gee Pat, where is everyone else? Didn They could care less. All they know is that THEY were invited. Anyway, I am sorry this is so long. I cananymore. I have been thinking of this all day all weekend long. I am really to the point where I just don I am goingto tell my fat a** b***h sister to fnd another way to get her cats fed because I She is just using me and believe me when I tell you, she enjoys it. She is verydiabolical. She loves it that I am not invited and she and her husband are.She even questions me and counts the cat food cans to make sure that I came on all of the days they were gone. These people have balls of brass and I have had ENOUGH.I am just sitting and waiting patiently for the next time she says, Oh, we Can you come and feed the cats? I just canNo. I can I will never feed your cats again! Find some other sucker to do it! I believe that they are severely narcissistic people and this is nothing to take lightly.These types of people are very destructive. Do any of you have family members like this and what do you do about them? How do you stop them from making you feelsad, lonely, excluded andless than you are or deserve? I think it is time for me to cut all ties with them. I just can

we don't exchange gifts either [2008-11-29]
We stopped exchanging gifts about 30 years ago. When my husband and I first approached the subject, we met with some resistance, but we stood our ground and said we would not be buying gifts. My husband is the oldest in a family of 7. By the time they all married and had children, the number could have been quite staggering to buy for. I was a surprise baby, my sisters being greater than 11 years older than I am, so when they began their families I was too young to buy anything to buy for them and so never started doing so. Now both of our families agree the holidays are much more enjoyable without the stress of the gift buying, worrying about what to get, how much, will the like it, can I afford it, etc., etc. The true gift of Christmas is the love we feel for our families and all we ask is time with them, and everyone agrees on this. We usually bake or take small treats to the families are who have misfortune of spending Christmas at the Ronald McDonald House in our city due to the illness of a child. Often the other kids in the family (the healthy ones) get lost in the shuffle of caring for a child with cancer. There is no gift one can give as great as giving and bringing joy to a family in such a situation. Anyway, my point is that there may be others in the family who will feel the same way, that it is just too stressful, and you may find that they will appreciate the holidays much more if the gift stress is taken out of the equation. I should add here, I do buy something for my own children but usually one or two things and my grandchildren because, after all, Santa still comes (!) and I do think Christmas gift giving is for children. Watching my little ones open is a gift a truly a fun thing to do and makes me happy. I do ask my kids not to buy for me or my husband because they have young families and can't afford the extra money. I have always told them I would rather they spend time with me any day then go out and buy a gift.