Of course he should help and he paid child support because they are his kids (nm)

Help is a safety net you have paid for sm [2008-11-21]
Food stamps are a safety net we all pay for, all forms of public assistance are things we have been paying for all along. TAKE the help you need! Do move closer to family if you possibly can. I have been in your shoes myself. I lost my home to foreclosure 4 years ago because of having a near-fatal drug interaction and losing my job of nearly 7 years. I made a couple of moves and finally ended up in a small town out of state from where I had lived for 30 years. I lived with a close friend for about 9 months and had the opportunity to buy a mobile home for $3000. The people I bought it from said I could make payments and I was able to pay it off in 5 months. It needed a lot of work and it has gotten it, most of which I have done myself. This project really helped me to regain parts of myself I had lost. It gave me a reason to get up and get going on my days off. I turned this ugly old thing into a lovely, comfortable home I cherish. I have lost about 50-60 lbs since living here and I have brought the idea of vastly cutting expenses in line with making more money. The end result is that I am very well off financially, better than in my entire life. DO get medication to help you if you can. I didn't have medication to help because I am allergic to every psychotropic in existence. I did this by pulling myself up by the boot straps, but if I could have had help, I would have. There IS a brighter future out there. You CAN have that brighter future because you DESERVE IT. That said, no one expects you to get there alone!!! Don't be embarrassed to ask and receive help. You will be able to help others later. Years ago, when my kids were young, I was a single parent, no support and it was Christmas time. My kids didn't even have adequate clothing or food. A neighbor I hardly knew handed me a Christmas card. Inside was a $100 gift card to K-Mart. She said that many years before that, she had been in my shoes and someone had given her $100 one Christmas, she was now paying this forward to me. The only provision was that I return this favor when I could, and that I bought something for myself too because I deserve nice things for my hard work. It was a turning point for me. I have been more of a giver since. Although I could have paid this back last year, I didn't know anyone who would appropriately benefit. This year, I do and I had to tell her that I was going to do this and why. She cried and felt embarrassed because, she said, she was usually in the position to give and it hurt a little to receive. I reminded her that she was GIVING me the gift of giving with pleasure. Others are going to give to you with pleasure, love, friendship and concern for your well being. TAKE IT. One day you'll post back here about how good things are and I'll want to hear it.

My kids like them also but...... [2008-11-21]
They also know that money spent elsewhere is money that takes away from their gifts :). Two of the three have birthdays in December, so that makes a difference. December is a killer for me but at least I get it all knocked out at once and have another year to plan!

I only have one child, a son..sm [2008-11-20]
so that helps. I usually spend about $300 on my son, but this year I have spent $400 already on a playstation 3 he has wanted ever since they came out last year. I can't just give him that so I have to buy him some other little things to open. My mom and mother-in-law and sister-in-law are going to buy playstation 3 games because after spending $400 on it I can't buy the games too, which are about $60 each. So I still have to buy some small things for him so I will probably spend about $500 on my son this year. The most I have ever spent on him and he is 10. Like I said it is usually no more than $300. I try to spend no more than $100 on my husband, but this year I know he has said how he would love to have an ipod. So I am going to buy one for about $150. I have my dad to buy for and mom. I know I will probably spend about $50 on my mom. My dad I am not sure yet. In-laws are usually about $20-25 each. My sister about $25. My brother in law about $20. My 2 nephews about $20 each. I also have a niece I will spend about $20-30 on. I try to spend a little more on my niece because my sister in law spends a lot on my son. So you see I have a lot of people to buy for. I don't even know how much that is all together but it ain't cheap. And the people I buy for I have to cause they do for us.

Anyone go through a divorce w/younger kids? sm [2008-11-20]
Iit just isn while I have always felt you don't throw around the word divorce unless you mean it. Well, I mean it now. I gave him an ultimatum - straighten himself out or I leave with the kids. I am not going to go through 5 years of this again. It is affecting the kids, and my son is acting out to the point of saying he wishes he had never been born. I am giving my husband until after Christmas to decide what he is going to do, and if he does not value our marriage more than his alcohol, I am moving out of state. This is not to keep him away from the kids but because my parents (divorced also) are in a different state than I am and I have no family at all here. Has anyone had to make a decision like this? I donno other options. He refuses to go to counseling or to see a doctor about what I am positive is depression. Any tips or suggestions? Sorry to dump on everyone like this, thanks for reading.

Dogs v kids [2008-11-18]
I am a sucker for a pretty face & don't have kids, so I am at my dogs' mercy. You should see their stockpile of dog treats. It's ridiculous. School lunches. $2 a day! Doesn't sound like a lot for a meal, but it sure adds up...you would think they would give you some kind of deal because you have 3 kids. I guess I'm assuming they all go to the same school. Now I'm dating myself, but when I was in elementary school I think it cost 40 or 45 cents for lunch. A nickel for milk. Amazing!

Anybody watching the kids [2008-11-18]
on Dancing With The Stars? Good golly, those kids are good. Must take a good deal of discipline to get that far. Love it.

Most are just hoping to have some joy for their kids sm [2008-11-14]
Wefantasy. They do put it together at a certain age and itWe had an older kid who spoiledour Christmas party because he thought it his business to out the Santa thing to the younger ones as he was, bless him, highly intelligent and was told the truth from birth. Had some kids crying at one point. I think the point is, do what's right for your own family and try to have something for the kids to look forward to in these hard times especially. There is no right or wrong, just all interpret things differently and we're all very tired of all this bad news going on in the world. Have to look forward to something! Happy Holidays, no matter how you celebrate! We adults know the reason for the season. Bottom line - be happy! Life is temporary, imagination is wonderful, it takes us away from the bad news for awhile. Joy to the world and to each his own. As long as the older kids keep the secret to themselves, they also should enjoy the excitement of watching the little ones have fun with it. It's all good.

We have grown children and paid up condo. SM [2008-11-13]
I think about advice I would give others. Getting any part-time job I could, delivering papers, selling Avon (people still buy Avon), renting room out in house. If elderly people near you, offer transportation or shopping service. One thing is, no matter what, no one should just sit around waiting for another job, be they male or female.

I can't thank you all enough for your support, information, and caring..sm [2008-11-09]
You have really uplifted me a bit, and we will continue to search for answers and pray to do the right thing. She is so loved!! And God Bless each and every one of you, and your loved ones, for your kind notes and posts, SO APPRECIATED!!!

Michigan passed it and I support it. [2008-11-06]
I think anyone who is seriously ill should have whatever is available to help ease their pain. I know it helps with nausea of chemotherapy too. I think it should be decriminalized. People are killed every day by drunk driving or those who go into violent rages or blackouts.Most pot smokers will onlyget enraged ifyou try to take away their Dorito

Bringing your kids to see their granddad sm [2008-11-05]
My perspective: I had an uncle who was severely ill several years ago. His sons lived in different parts of the country and when he was well enough, they flew him in to visit. I could not see him so often, so I decided to write little notes to him from time to time. Talked about some funny things that he had done and how much they made me laugh. When he was gone, my aunt told me how much those trips and the notes meant to him, it was like a gift that he and the family got to experience before he was gone, a chance to say good-bye, that many people don't get. My prayers are with you and your family.

How do I tell the kids about Grandad? [2008-11-04]
We are going to see him at the hospital tonight, how do I tell them he has 2 weeks to 2 months to live? Or should I tell them at all and just let them visit with him as normal? The are 12 and 14.

Why when I am watching the kids is it a given and when my husband watches them he is (sm) [2008-11-03]
babysitting?

He is treating you like a child sm [2008-11-03]
CHILDREN don't get to make their own decisions. ADULT WOMEN are entitled to make decisions. They don't always made them alone, but they make them. I have a lot of David Sideras (sp). His mother would tell them what she wanted, and his dad would say oh Sharon, you don like she was stupid or had never thought about it. He is treating you about the same way, but skipping the telling you that you don't know what you want statement. I has to feel like your life is not in your control. This is no way to live.

I paid [2008-10-31]
the month thing so I can go on-line and that is helping me to keep with it and not get discouraged too. I figure it is a healthy way to eat and I paid so I may as well give it a month. I had foot surgery and have just been able to start walking with little to no pain now so that may help too. Thanks again!

I had my child's cord blood banked eight years ago [2008-10-31]
This was much more costly way back then. I compared many companies and finally decided on CBR (Cord Blood Registry). They are definitely the most reputable. The originating fee was $1200 and the maintenance fee is $95 per year. The procedure itself is virtually effortless. You are first sent a kit which you provide to your physician. At the time of your child My doctor was more than willing to perform this simple step at the time of my child Then, after collection, the kit is sent via courier to a deep freezer (I think mine is in Arizona). This is such an exciting prospect. Talk about life/health insurance. Just imagine what can be done with these cells many, many years from now. Will mychild never have to develop cancer? Could a spinal cord injury be reversed? Could he be cloned? Just imagine the possibilities. Truthfully, eight years ago was an eternity in this business of cord blood banking. I feel it is truly cutting-edge technology. Yes, it was costly, but when I think about the truly invaluable possibilities,I felt compelled to have this done. Now, it is much more affordable than it was back in the beginning stages of this technology. This is even much more valuable when siblings are involved. I, however, only have the one child. I don With my medical background, there was just no way I could not do it. Sorry I got so lengthy about this, but I am a huge advocate of this concept.

No, I would not say that you overacted. How is your child? When you calm down talk to him about it [2008-10-27]
I am sure that I don Just wait until you calm down.

For your future and that of your kids [2008-10-24]
You may not think so, but you've got a lot of things going for you, the most important being that you realize you need to do something. Short term: You've gotten great advice about making small changes, like exercising, losing weight, etc. Go for it. Long term: YouThe journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step? Take that step and you will be surprised what you can do.

I do believe the Bible, I just don't want my mom scaring my kids (sm) [2008-10-22]
And she used swearing on the Bible as a way to further convince the children that she had seen demons and ghosts, as if they weren't scared enough. That was the kicker...that really scared them even more.

Bullying...your kids [2008-10-22]
How would you handle it if you were to find out it was your child who was the bully?What if it was your child that was being bullied?

My child has been on both sides of that fence (sm) [2008-10-22]
He has been bullied before but he has gotten really good at standing up for himself. I literally have given him comebacks that he can use if he is being verbally bullied, and have told him that while he is never allowed to start a fight he is always allowed to defend himself and even though he may get in trouble at school, he will not be in trouble at home. One time last year (fifth grade) he was verbally bullying a boy in his class. He said some pretty mean things. I got the phone number to the boy We talked for a long time beforehand about how the boy must feel to have to go to school and have someone say things like that to him, role-playing such as how would you feel if that was you sort of thing. He also lost computer priveleges for a week. He has never bullied anyone else. However, he did kick a boy in the shin earlier this year when the boy hit him and said he was going to beat him up. My son is strong but doesn I think all kids should be able defend themselves if needed though.

Thank goodness both my kids are pretty much grown up sm [2008-10-22]
Both are in college, one away and one at home. My gift will be supporting them in everything they do unconditionally, past, present, and future. Just can't do gifts this year. But I WILL have my traditional 3-foot tree LOL. Rays in WS is enough for us all, though!! :-)

DH paid off credit card. Now I'm paying him back. No [2008-10-22]
nm

I have banned my mom from seeing my kids [2008-10-21]
Your situation is similar to mine, but my mom has gone a little further. I have 4 children,2 from my first marriage and 2 from my second. My second husband has been with my older two children since they were 4 and 5 and we have been married for 11 years (so obviously he is not going anywhere). I found out about a year ago that she had been talking to my oldest two kids for years about how horrible she thought my husband treated my older kids and how he doesnown children. We had been having problems with my 16 year old daughter at the time and everything can now stem back to much of this. We couldn But they were being fed information behind our backs. Everything from he is cheating on your mom, he is abusing your mom, he is a scumbag, etc. My mother also believes in the other side which is fine with me, but don We don She would frequently talk to my youngest two, who are only 7 and 8, about traveling out of body, talking to spirits, and how they were reincarnated. This was on top of stuff like after being told not to take the kids bike riding down a road that is 55 mph (no sidewalks) with no helmets on and she did it, not just once, but 3 times. Then when I caught her lying about it, she paid off my daughter by taking her shoe shopping! No wonder my kid is messed up. She was told over a year ago to knock it off or supervised visits only (she was told once previously as well). She didnworship her enough for mother It has been the hardest thing that I have had to do, but to save my marrige, my sanity and my kids, I did what I had to do. We live in a small town as well and of course mouths are wagging. The schools are under strict order to not let her in to see them as well and know the situation. My stepfather is dumbfounded and doesn But he is only hearing her side of things. I told him to get her into counseling and that would be the ONLY way I would even think of mending this, but it has yet to be done. You have to do what is right for your family and if this creates this much uproar in your family, then only you can decide how much you can take.

protect your kids [2008-10-21]
As a mom your first priority is to protect your kids, not protect your mother's feelings. If you feel your mother is crossing the line and won't stop after you talk to her, do what you need to to protect your kids.

Boobage - SM [2008-11-21]
I feel ya, girlfriend...I wear a 32DD and the choices are so limited. Believe it or not, ICurvation. I bought a couple of them when they were on sale because they were really cute (black with pink ribbon trim and leopard print demi-cup with pink ribbon trim), but didn't really expect much from them and figured they'd just look nice. Imagine my surprise when not only did they look great, they actually provided support, lol!!! I found that the demi-cup is actually even MORE supportive than the full cup style, which I hadn't expected. Have fun and show those girls off to full advantage :-)

OMG! I did the same thing. I have a picture..sm [2008-11-21]
I My kids were younger so the dollar store was great! Seriously, my living room was full! It For little kids that was easy. But now they I miss those days of buying from the dollar store and filling the living room. Now, theyonly get 1 or 2 presents and I hate it. It makes me cry every year. I'll look for that picture on my break and try to upload it.

Help is a safety net you have paid for sm [2008-11-21]
Food stamps are a safety net we all pay for, all forms of public assistance are things we have been paying for all along. TAKE the help you need! Do move closer to family if you possibly can. I have been in your shoes myself. I lost my home to foreclosure 4 years ago because of having a near-fatal drug interaction and losing my job of nearly 7 years. I made a couple of moves and finally ended up in a small town out of state from where I had lived for 30 years. I lived with a close friend for about 9 months and had the opportunity to buy a mobile home for $3000. The people I bought it from said I could make payments and I was able to pay it off in 5 months. It needed a lot of work and it has gotten it, most of which I have done myself. This project really helped me to regain parts of myself I had lost. It gave me a reason to get up and get going on my days off. I turned this ugly old thing into a lovely, comfortable home I cherish. I have lost about 50-60 lbs since living here and I have brought the idea of vastly cutting expenses in line with making more money. The end result is that I am very well off financially, better than in my entire life. DO get medication to help you if you can. I didn't have medication to help because I am allergic to every psychotropic in existence. I did this by pulling myself up by the boot straps, but if I could have had help, I would have. There IS a brighter future out there. You CAN have that brighter future because you DESERVE IT. That said, no one expects you to get there alone!!! Don't be embarrassed to ask and receive help. You will be able to help others later. Years ago, when my kids were young, I was a single parent, no support and it was Christmas time. My kids didn't even have adequate clothing or food. A neighbor I hardly knew handed me a Christmas card. Inside was a $100 gift card to K-Mart. She said that many years before that, she had been in my shoes and someone had given her $100 one Christmas, she was now paying this forward to me. The only provision was that I return this favor when I could, and that I bought something for myself too because I deserve nice things for my hard work. It was a turning point for me. I have been more of a giver since. Although I could have paid this back last year, I didn't know anyone who would appropriately benefit. This year, I do and I had to tell her that I was going to do this and why. She cried and felt embarrassed because, she said, she was usually in the position to give and it hurt a little to receive. I reminded her that she was GIVING me the gift of giving with pleasure. Others are going to give to you with pleasure, love, friendship and concern for your well being. TAKE IT. One day you'll post back here about how good things are and I'll want to hear it.

I usually do a lot of handmade gifts. This year each kid gets $100 they are all grown sm [2008-11-21]
I make my oldest son boxer shorts, he only likes the ones I make. My other son wanted a robe and matching PJ pants. Daughter wanted a couple of outfits and a denim jacket. My mom wanted something I had knitted up for her. Stepdad just wants to be remembered. My brother won't take anything from me, so no problem there. I will do some small things for my friends, but I won't spend $500 total, even with giving the 3 kids $100 each. I have NEVER spent that much on Christmas! I have worked like a dog all year, but I have had no time to do these things they think they want.

moving out of state [2008-11-21]
Check your divorce laws in your states. Many states will not let you or your (ex) spouse move out of state without permission of the other. Some even have a mileage radius. I think it's to keep both parents close to the kids and not having one parent run far away so the other can't ever see the kids again. My kids were 5 and 1 when I was in the process of getting divorced, and I moved out of state before I realized this. Fortunately my ex realized and understood the need for me and the kids to be close to my family for support, so it was written in the papers that it was okay for me to move out of state and he signed it.

Something to definitely consider. [2008-11-21]
I would skip putting lights up but that is usually my husband's domain. I'm sure he will want to do as usual for the kids but we will definitely have them on a timer so they only run while it's dark and the kids are awake so just a few hours a night probably. I'm not even going to mention it yet and hope he procrastinates to the week before Christmas.

lights [2008-11-21]
We put ours up every year. We only leave them on for about 2-3 hours a night and not every night. We do it because our kids love them.

We use a timer [2008-11-21]
We use a time like a few have mentioned here already and only keep them on for about 3 hours. If we didn't have kids we probably wouldn't do as much decorating as we do, but we go all out, and I could never do without lights just yet.

Here's my problem....sm [2008-11-21]
My dad is irresponsible and is in financial debt and doom. There is no way he can make the money to pay the bills he has accumulated. He has borrowed money he shouldnt have. Well the situation is... He has been knowing if he didn He refused to pay it. Every time he would get acheck he wouldn Well he kept not paying it for 2 months. Well yesterday they turned them out. It is freezing here. It is going to be in the 20s tonight. He said I don Well he was told and told to pay it and wouldn So now what does he do? As soon as he gets off work he comes to my house cause he don I can So I can He also said he had no money for food because he had to use it all for diesal for his dump truck. So I offered him food too. He also rumages through my cabinets for snacks. I feel like I am the parent and he is the child. My husband drives a big truck and he has been gone. When I tell him what is going on he gets aggravated because he is sitting at our house and all. He said he is a grown man and needs to step up and take care of himself but he is my dad and I can My husband will be home either late tonight or first thing in the morning and this is not going to go over too well with him. I am at a loss.

No I live in the boonies. In Nothingville. SM [2008-11-21]
I think he has had someone for so long and my mom took care of the bill paying and he never had to worry about bills or shopping or being alone. And now he can't deal with it. They divorced because he was cheating with another woman. I told him go be with her. I mean they are divorced now. If that is what he wants go get it. He said she has a 28 year old son and a 22 year old daughter with a baby who neither one work and lay around her house. He says how am I supposed to be with someone with that kind of mess. He said if I am with her I will basically have to take on her grown kids too. I said well that is her own fault she allows her grown children to be bums. It is just a dang mess. He got himself into it though. With his bills it is like he can't sit down and say hey I can't pay for 2 vehicles and I have to get rid of one and he has other multiple bills I won't even go into. But if he is struggling to pay for both let one go back. I told him go file bankruptcy if you are having really bad problems with finanes. He said I don't want to file bankruptcy. Oh no. I said well that or lose your stuff. I have tried to give him advice and help him but he won't listen. He is stubborn.

Christmas Club...sm [2008-11-20]
I have three grown kids (includes 1 in-law) and I have money taken out of my paycheck through the year and whatever the amount is when I get the check, I divide that by 3 and that is how much I spend on the kids. It I put back through the year from my OT and get my husband something nice and then I just pick up a few inexpensive things along the way for a couple of other people I like to give a little something to. I don't think anybody really cares how much I spend on them, but I do try my best to be equal in what I spend on the kids, even at their ages now!

According to DH, our budget is $1,000 [2008-11-20]
But more likely I We have 3 kids. We usually get them 1 big gift to share and then round it out with smaller gifts. This year, they It The breakdown of the other $350: Parents $150, Grandma $25, Gift Exchange $60, Siblings (from my kids $20, Niece/nephew: $40, Teacher Gifts $30, Student Gifts: $15. The remaining $30 will go to Toys for Tots! Each of my kids like to pick out a $10 gift to put in. I have 3 siblings and 1 that My brother that Of course, my 2 unmarried siblings also buy small gifts for my children, so we always get them a little something from them -- usually lottery tickets or a gas card for Sheetz. $10 used to fill We do our exchange party on Christmas Eve. It keeps the kids entertained and gives them a little preview of what I have to say I enjoy Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day. It Teacher gifts kill me. It I usually go for a coffee mug with a Christmas scene or teacher saying on it and fill it with candy. Of course, DH thinks I do all this for Christmas for $1000, but why tell him and spoil it? We do a Christmas Club for $1000 every year and I just buy the other stuff here and there. We already got our Christmas gifts for ourselves -- a 46-inch LCD TV for DHand a Dooney Bourke purse with matching wallet for me. Now you all got me excited again about shopping next week. I I always wait until the day before Thanksgiving to do that so I know I won For those of you below who posted that you don Let me just say that I don I sometimes snag a deal or 2, but I learned a long time ago not to wait until Black Friday to get the most sought after items. Best to get them in Sept or Oct.

Do any of you have a spouse [2008-11-20]
who can How do you work it out? Are you just stuck always being the bad guy? Unfortunately, the entire United States is having a difficult financial time. It is obviously not just our household. We have cut back everywhere we can, and I mean everywhere. Our families are having difficult problems as well. We also have an ex-spouse and have had unexpected increases in child support, etc. recently along with unexpected additional expenses where this is concerned. Basically, the child needs new glasses, etc. even though the child really doesn It just seems like it is one thing after another and I know it is for everyone, although the circumstances may be slightly different. My problem is that I have been telling my husband for months that this was coming, along with Christmas, birthday, etc. He hasn Although we have cut back on many things, on my initiative, it just has not sunk in for him until now...when everything finalized and we dont To top this off, he can Ibad guy because he is ok with all of it although he admits he has no idea where the money is going to come from. I have been upfront with my family and when people ask me but is it too much to ask that he do the same? I dont But of course he wants to constantly remind me (the cheap skate and tight-a$$) to cut back on groceries, etc. which I cannot possibly do any more than I have already. We have nothing left in savings. We have no Christmas fund. I I donI told you so but I did tell him and he had no concerns until now...when we are seemingly headed towards financial trouble. I have been working OT but his OT has been cut indefinitely from his employer. I I must say he doesn't buy things for himself..its just the piddling away of $20 here and $20 there on top of our already mounting unexpected expenses.

Haven't done it for years . . . sm [2008-11-20]
but this year my 14-year-old daughter and her friend and mother are all going to try it again with me. I am looking forward to it, because I think it will be a lot of fun for me and my daughter! We don't go out too seriously, though, just for fun!!! I used to like to bag the bargains when the kids were little, but nowadays the bargains never match my list!!!

My husband is oblivious to our finances [2008-11-20]
Sometimes that It sounds like maybe your husband is too proud to tell his family that he can I I would suggest talking to the leader of his family, the person who hosts the get-togethers, and let them know that you do the finances and you just don It doesn I would certainly let your husband know that you are going to say something beforehand, but he doesn I For birthdays, we take the time to call and wish that person a happy birthday. We don My brother lives about 2 hours away, so we don Unless his family is loaded, I'm sure they'll understand. As for the glasses, I just took my son for new glasses yesterday. The eye doctor said he needs a new prescription, but I asked if just the lenses could be replaced and the frames reused. He said absolutely. Our insurance covers new frames, lenses and the exam, but my son has a tendency to break things at the most inopportune time. We just bought him these glasses in June because he broke them and according to the insurance, it wasn Now that he is eligible for everything new, we asked for just the lenses. If he breaks his frames later in the year, we can just get new frames (covered by insurance) and pop the lenses in. The only problem there would be is they discontinue his frames because the new lenses probably wouldn So, something to consider here is, if your stepchild needs a new prescription and already has glasses, then I would check with your lawyer to see if you can just buy new lenses for the current frames. The frames are what normally cost the most anyway.

there is a parallel universe! [2008-11-20]
Depressed is the right word for what he feels, so you can shut your mouth right now. This is all about guilt. I am a step-mom too and I swear you are telling my story down to the glasses! I would love to tell you that you are in this together and partners, etc., but the truth is my husband did not come around until he got a good job, a really good job that had status and paid a lot of money, and he had to do that all on his own. I let him buy expensive clothes, because for some reason, every time he got a raise it co-incided with buying a nicer suit or tie, so you can help him there. All the nightmarish gift exchanges, arguments about buying lotto tickets, not eating out, step-kids, all the horrific details and arguments just came down to him deciding to step up. Then it all just went away, the depression, the lotto tickets, and the give away the farm stuff too. Good luck to you! Don't give up on him!

I don't think I understand [2008-11-20]
so just let him do whatever, support his decisions, and hope for the best? He has a good job it is just that so much of it is eaten by the attorneys, support, transportation, and crazy things the ex dreams up that the child must have and we are told we just have to pay it. It costs more than what I make to cover the mandatory expenses of my step-child. I gave up our finances about a year ago to give him a taste of what it was like. Stupidly thinking this would help. Obviously it hasn't but has made things worse. I always reassure him and tell him we will get through it, etc. but when he asks me to make a decision I tell him honestly. Recently asking if I mind if his teenage nephews come stay for the weekend I ask where is the extra money going to come from to feed them and get them to/from work as its an hour round trip. I offer maybe just one night instead of the entire weekend. Automatically thatthey asked for the weekend. He says he doesn't know where the money will come from and he won't ask the his brother either and asks me to call and tell them no. Of course when I refuse I can tell he gets upset although he won't say it. We don't argue about stuff its just more of one of us getting pi$$ed off until it blows over and then starting again the following week when another circumstance comes up. Honestly, I'm just getting tired of putting up. It has been nearly 10 years now but only 4 since our finances went together. We are also expecting a child, which we could afford before the last 6 months came crashing down on us. Of course this is part of my anxiety over finances but being a man and his usual self he wants to live in la-la land until we don't have money to buy diapers. I'm just so frustrated. Thanks for listening and letting me know that there is hope things will change. Atleast I know when the step-child becomes an adult it will be like winning the lottery!

congratulations [2008-11-20]
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Again, I have to tell you we have so much in common! It was the birth of my daughter that inspired my husband to be his better self. Oh, and the step-kids growing up....... that is a whole other thing and they still cost you money, but at least the lawyers are out of it by then! Congrats again! YOU hang in there!

okay, a little less cheerleading [2008-11-20]
No matter how it looks on the outside. He is highly motivated not to pay two women child support (if you leave). Maybe I should add that would be his worst nightmare. But he still has to handle his ex, his lawyer, and if he needs to renegotiate the child support. You really can't do those things for him, but I would take over the bills again!

Anyone go through a divorce w/younger kids? sm [2008-11-20]
Iit just isn while I have always felt you don't throw around the word divorce unless you mean it. Well, I mean it now. I gave him an ultimatum - straighten himself out or I leave with the kids. I am not going to go through 5 years of this again. It is affecting the kids, and my son is acting out to the point of saying he wishes he had never been born. I am giving my husband until after Christmas to decide what he is going to do, and if he does not value our marriage more than his alcohol, I am moving out of state. This is not to keep him away from the kids but because my parents (divorced also) are in a different state than I am and I have no family at all here. Has anyone had to make a decision like this? I donno other options. He refuses to go to counseling or to see a doctor about what I am positive is depression. Any tips or suggestions? Sorry to dump on everyone like this, thanks for reading.

I think about it a lot but different situation (sm) [2008-11-20]
My two children are almost the exact ages of yours. My husband doesn't have the drinking issue but has plenty of personality issues. I think you absolutely should leave, no ifs, ands or buts. I just think being in that environment is awful for your kids, he is saying it is not going to work anyway and talking about ending the marriage. I say if he doesn't change then yes, go, without a doubt.

make a call [2008-11-20]
Look in the phone book under Alcoholics Anonymous and call the central office. Tell them you need someone to make a 12-step call. Someone from your local area who is in AA will come over to your house and talk to your husband and you can leave with the kids during this time. By the time you get back, your husband will have decided whether or not he will sober up. Usually the person he talked to will assume responsibility for taking him to the meetings or finding someone who will sponsor him. So you are off the hook at this point. On the other hand, he may decide no thanks and then you will have your real answer. AA is free and pretty crowded with new people around the holidays, so the timing is good. The average age of a person coming into AA is 25 to 45, so there should be plenty of people for him to talk to. At the same meeting place there should be meetings for you called Al-Anon and for your son called Alateen. Good Luck!

I've been there [2008-11-20]
I have been in your shoes. Last year my husband died unexpectedly at age 56, I literally woke up one morning and he was dead in our bed next to me (aneurysm). That started a downhill spiral . . . . since then I I canhow depressed III am working now and starting to pull myself up out of the dark hole I've been in. The poster above is right. You need to see a doctor. I found out that most major health systems have programs for those of us with no insurance and no money. Call their financial offices and just tell them point blank you need to be seen and you have no insurance. They will not refuse you. I found a clinic near my house that is part of a largehospital. I was able to see a doctor for a physicalandget my annual Pap and mammogram done at no charge. They gave me samples of my medications (I have asthma) for a few months until I had insurance again. They prescribed an antidepressant which worked wonders and they gave me that as samples each month. Move closer to your family. You My family has been supportive of all the decisions I Spend time with yourgrandchild, kids can make you feel so much better.If you I did. I didn Forjust myselfI was given 174.00 a month for food and it helped outtremendously. I know it You may be hesitant to take free medical care or ask for food benefits, but remember THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY and you will get back on your feet. It may take a while, but you will make it. Good luck to you.

I think you are right. [2008-11-20]
I have had most of the day to think things over and cry. I did talk to him a bit and realize that it is mostly his pride (man-ness) that is the problem. I just have to stand my ground and not feel guilty for it, although I will anyway...I think that is just the female (or pregnant hormonal lol) way with feelings, etc. I have also been thinking today that even though things are getting really tough, we have been able to pay our bills so far. It's really going to suck with the holidays especially but it will be past in a couple months and life will resume as normal. Who knows where we will be by then but for now things could be much worse. Even with all the headaches, stress, tears, etc. it could be much worse if we lost a job or...well I don't even want to think about the other horrible things that people go through. Thanks for your support and understanding. Some times women just need to know that they aren't alone in their struggles.

Thanks for the suggestions. [2008-11-20]
Where the step is concerned it won't help. The situation is what it is and I knew it when we married. It's just frustrating at times but I know it is only temporary. I would hate to be the hateful ex who treats someone this way. It must be a terrible life to live constantly dreaming of ways to hurt your ex and his family instead of enjoying your own family and knowing that your child is well taken care of. As for the family stuff. I have tried to talk to the leaders of the family and they looked at me like I was a complete loon. That's fine. They can do what they want. He can do what he wants, but our budget is what it is and that will mean less for his child. Next year I WILL have a xmas fund set up so that I can provide for our kids and we don't end up in this holiday mess again. If nothing else $20 a month is more than what we have now and I'm sure I can scrape that together if I really try. Thanks for your help. :) I wish I could be oblivious like your husband!