Showers for 2nd marriages

The question was not are you for/against gay marriages [2008-10-16]
The question was is it educational or not. The answer is NO. School is for the basics of learning, remember reading/writing/arithmetic? THAT is what I pay my tax dollars for, NOT for a teacher to pull a publicity stunt on school time.

Showers for 2nd marriages [2008-06-18]
My cousin called and asked opinion on wedding showers. Her daughter is marrying for second time and she doesn't know if it is proper to have another shower. She has her own home and has everything she needs. This is the first wedding for future groom. We had same discussion when my son married for second time. His future wife had also been previously married and they both live together and have everything. She went and registered at several places. Her response was she didn't need anything but sure wanted things. Isn't that a bit greedy? Any opionions? Same with second and third baby showers. When I grew up you got one for the first and that was it. If a huge gap between babies maybe a small second one but not one for every baby.

showers [2008-06-18]
I think itplease come to my wedding and buy me a gift that I have picked from Target. I think a baby shower for a 2nd baby is fine if the 1st was a girl and the 2nd is a boy, something like that. I think (and this is just my opinion) that once you already have the clothes for the gender of baby you are having you shouldn't have one, but I have been to lots, some specified as diapers-only baby showers. Close family and friends will probably gift them anyway, but no need for a shower.

Three main reasons why marriages break up... [2008-05-27]
money, in-laws, cheating.....

It broke up both our marriages. [2008-01-30]
Our two kids, their two kids, parents, other family. She lives in Texas now, on her third or fourth marriage. My ex never did remarry (he is also bi - as I said in another post today). Her ex is on his 3rd marriage. Thanks for your kind thoughts. But as for me, I met a wonderful man whom I have been married to for 9 tremendous years and am very happy now. It just was such a betrayal that it still bothers me from time to time. Oh, and no, she never did say she was sorry. It's like I never really knew who she was...

$$$ for showers [2007-06-20]
I would purchase a gift (a small one) and then make copies of multiple pages of monopoly money - to wrap the gift. They didn't indicate what kind of money they wanted - just lots of it - and lots of monopoly money is what they would get - either that or i would go to the dollar store and buy some play money in the kids section and wrap that in with their gift - just a subtle hint at how uncouth their greenback shower really is - I would also confront the hostesses - so that they know that this is unacceptable in the future, should they ever host another shower.

First off, you're pregnant [2008-11-24]
that in itself will make this situation feel 10 times worse than it is. Having said that, I do agree that I would be a little miffed, myself. It She I would also agree with the poster below that you have grown apart. Being that you Ifun years before I got married and then before I had children. You're just at different places in your life. The best way to handle the situation is to go to her party as planned. I would not splurge for the $50 gift card. I If youwild days. You don Anyone would understand a pregnant woman would be tired from such a long travel and then the party. When you leave, be sure to seek her out and let her know that you If not, let it go. If you haven Believe it or not, some people would think they didn You have so much to look forward to and baby showers are way better than bridal showers/receptions anyday. You can eat as much as you want and all your guests will say is how cute you look. Don

Private counseling [2008-11-21]
Go to a private counselor yourself if he wonANONYMOUS programs attract those who do not get it and go around town blabbing your business, ruining your lives even moreso. Yes, they save lives but they often ruin them with their gossip, even the name gossip hisses, it ruins lives, topples marriages, loses jobs. Be sure before you let these people into your personal, private lives and your homes. Sometimes private, closed-door counseling is the best way to go. Then if you are both comfortable with going public that is your own personal decision. Beware of who you let into your life. If you were going to take a plane ride you would want to know the pilot.

No perfect family here sm [2008-11-11]
When I was younger and innocent, I believed I had started a wonderful tradition of having my family over for the holidays because I was the oldest and first married. After many years of dysfunction, second marriages, sibling rivalry, etc., have gone back to the basics, just my husband, my kids and their kids. I no longer have to listen to, I etc. I no longer have to wash my house down from smoking and no longer have to pick up half-empty alcoholic drinks (which by the way causes more havoc and tongue slips). We are happier, saner, and sober and we enjoy the holidays much more than when I spent a whole weekHome for the Holidays, National Lampoon and other films such as those and laugh at what used to be. Ifix people anymore, I can only fix myself. I don't think there is a Hallmark perfect family. If there is, it's news to me!

I thought I was the only one...sm [2008-10-24]
who also has lost their life. Been at home home now for many years and the same thing has happened to me. Husband works late four nights a week. Love my children more than life and the thought of disrupting their lives makes me go into a panic attack. I used to have friends, wonderful friends of 30 years, but don't anymore. One went off the deep end after a divorce from an absolutely horrible man and hasn't spoken to me since and the other divorced a horrible nasty 500 pound slug and has since remarried and now has a new life and doesn't want to hear it with me anymore (even though I was there for the both of them during their horrible marriages divorces.) I have a large family with many sisters but they are so utterly cruel and narcissistic, the only way you can stand to be around them is you either have to be just like them or if you don't mind being destroyed because that is what they do. They destroy people including their family members. I, too, used to exercise every day walking four miles a day and exercising at the gym for about 1 1/2 hours a day. Lost 75 pounds and felt FABULOUS and had incredible stamina, but that has since all gone away and now I am right back to where I was. I have no money. My husband doesn't necessarily spend money entertaining himself but we are not financially together (and not because I am financially irresponsible but mostly because he is controlling and a wife with no money is not powerful). I have been applying for jobs outside of my house but haven't gotten one yet and unemployment in my state is through the roof. I feel as though I have lost my life. My children are getting older but my oldest who is in the 9th grade has ADHD and is very immature so to leave him for long periods of time during school vacation could be disastrous especially since he will be home with his two younger siblings who are 13 and 11. They fight unlike any other children you have ever seen. At the same time, I have an extremely difficult husband to live with who, most of the time, only sees his own wants. I sit here in my house (that we rent) every single day and try to figure out how to get my life back without endangering my children. My youngest also has severe ulcerative colitis and is probably looking at surgery in the next year to have his colon removed, which that in and of itself presents its own challenges to say the least. I don't know how I am going to get him or me through that one. I feel as though I have stress oozing from every pore in my body. I have nightmares when I sleep of becoming sick with cancer or my kids becoming sick with cancer. I have nightmares of being murdered or of someone else being murdered. I have nightmares of my sisters doing their terrible deeds to me. I, too, already take an anti-anxiolytic/ anti-depressant which does help but when you live like this, drastic measures need to be taken to get this straightened out and not just medication. I apologize for not being much help to you but I thought you needed to know that you are not alone and that there are others out there who are having the same problem. Just remember, this is a temporary situation and someday it will get better. That is what I keep hoping for anyway. Good luck to you.

No my argument is to people who say [2008-10-16]
The Bible is written in a way to describe our creation. It is interpreted by many to how they want it to be. I do not read it enough to know what it says about same gender sex. Does anyone know the exact scripture? If so, let I want to hear where it says same gender sex is a sin in those words. Did anyone ever think that there are people who are in same gender relationships but do not have sex. There are heterosexual marriages and relationships where sex does not exist, so why couldn

In my case, [2008-09-19]
I'm the one who strayed. It's all my fault, because I married a man who I felt safe with instead of working through childhood traumas before trying to get married. So now I've been married forever and this near-perfect match came along, except for an impossible age difference. It honestly felt like I could not stop myself, though I never thought this would happen to me. The physical part lasted 6 weeks, and the infatuation lasted 6 months before that. I think this one person was unique, but without a good sex life at home, I'm certainly vulnerable to temptation in future. I did not and would not have ended it because I was ecstatically happy. My husband is a good man, but I think I should divorce him to be fair, but financially it would be a disaster for both of us. Plus he doesn't want to split. All my friends' marriages are at the breaking point also.

When my son was 10, and didn't like to bathe, he went to camp [2008-06-27]
for a week. We dropped him off at camp wearing this olive colored tie-dye t-shirt. A week later my mother-in-law went to pick him up. My son is wearing the same t-shirt. My daughter, 13 at the time, was also at the camp and told grandma that he hadnol one shirt.

Showers for 2nd marriages [2008-06-18]
My cousin called and asked opinion on wedding showers. Her daughter is marrying for second time and she doesn't know if it is proper to have another shower. She has her own home and has everything she needs. This is the first wedding for future groom. We had same discussion when my son married for second time. His future wife had also been previously married and they both live together and have everything. She went and registered at several places. Her response was she didn't need anything but sure wanted things. Isn't that a bit greedy? Any opionions? Same with second and third baby showers. When I grew up you got one for the first and that was it. If a huge gap between babies maybe a small second one but not one for every baby.

I think it's tacky (sm) [2008-06-18]
to have showers for second marriages and beyond. My MIL got married for the THIRD time three years ago and not only did she have another wedding shower, she threw it for herself in her own very large 3400 sq. ft. home! I attended but thought it was in very tacky and greedy of her!

My thoughts [2008-06-18]
I I think that a wedding shower is generally geared towards the bride. Therefore, if this is her first wedding and not the groom If it is the bride If sheno gifts. However, it sounds from your post, that she It would seem to me that she I don I also have 3 kids and only had a baby shower for the first one; although, I have to say that I In those cases, I usually bring a small gift - diapers or an outfit and a gift for the big brother/sister.

showers [2008-06-18]
I think itplease come to my wedding and buy me a gift that I have picked from Target. I think a baby shower for a 2nd baby is fine if the 1st was a girl and the 2nd is a boy, something like that. I think (and this is just my opinion) that once you already have the clothes for the gender of baby you are having you shouldn't have one, but I have been to lots, some specified as diapers-only baby showers. Close family and friends will probably gift them anyway, but no need for a shower.

Just my opinion - see message [2008-06-18]
I think I read some place (like Ann Landers) where it is in really poor taste to have multiple showers for multiple marriages. I tend to agree. If the couple already has everything they need then the point of the shower is to just get even more stuff? I certainly would not bring a gift if they were tactless enough to register for something. The same goes for *money only* bridal and baby showers. Guess that is just my opinion, you asked...

The ripple effect or Karma [2008-06-10]
I feel for the people who come to get advice or even vent and they get such negative comments when the person giving the negative comments does not know the entire situation. I once posted wanting to know if anyone knew of any self-help books for people who are in difficult marriages and how to feel good about yourself and all I received were posts saying divorce, take the kids and leave, etc, etc. I was not in a situation that would warrant leaving. But I too have read the posts below and there really are some terrible posts from people. I often think about a news story I heard awhile back about some lady who posted something on the internet about some girl and how she wasnnasty-grams and hurting others. I do believe in Karma and the Ripple effect and one day this will come back and bite them in the you know what.

Doesn't it make you sick to hear SM [2008-06-03]
that their marriages are never forced and that these girls have a choice? They are too young to make that choice, but they are also raised and conditioned to think it is okay. It is all they know. It makes me literally sick. It is particularly insulting and disgusting when people do such things in the name of religion.

These are good responses - maybe they... [2008-06-03]
If there are children into forced marriages, etc, they should have a mole or something inside. Of course the public would never see physical abuse (they would keep that well hidden), but maybe have someone that would report into the authorities with the names of the kids being forced. I think its absolutely disgusting child marriage. I think the adult women need some major major de-whatever it is called. I have heard of groups who help people get out of cults, that is what they need for the women. But keep the kids with their moms. Would any of you like it if someone came in and ripped your kids from you and you find out it is religously oriented. And shouldneminent danger. Nobody was beating them or torturing them, yes child marriage is dusgusting and a form of abuse but for petephone call and they don't know the name of who this girl is or anything. I for one don't believe there was ever a phone call, but again that's just me.

To see msg.... [2008-05-27]
Ok, ok, calm down. I do not try to make others feel miserable, the contrary, I try to save marriages, because I believe in marriage and when it's broken, it's broken, no going back. Done's husband is not really abusive. What they have is a communication problem. They have to stop writing letters and t a l k to each other. They should actually go on a date: They should set certain days aside and agree to meet at a certain hour, let's say in the evening - children not present - and talk to each other, for an hour or so. Or go out, have some fun! Each of them can tell the other one what her/his problems are. If the conversations become too heated, one should just get up and leave the room to calm down. No shouting and yelling is allowed and no insults. I hope it can be fixed. Why do you a l l advise her to leave her family and start a new life? In my opinion this marriage can be saved.

My story was the same, except it was my mom. [2008-04-19]
Mom dying, dad with Alzheimer I worked at home so I didn My sister had 3 days off, the same time as my son She said she would come help one day, but that needed time for herself. I I finally moved in with my parents, gave up any privacy, spent 98% of my waking time when not working taking care of someone or something. I don After my mom died I fell apart. I had to put my dad in a facility and my sister said she would take over primary caregiver duties, but she was hit or miss. Her kids were grown and out of the house, her DH was always off playing golf. She complained that my dad was only getting 2 showers a week, but she wasn She complained about using all her vacation time for doctor I could go on and on. They told us in grief counseling that in most families there is one that always ends up doing everything. The only thing I can say is that when your dad is gone you can seek comfort in knowing that you did all you could to help him, that you were there for him when it counted. Your sister will be the only who has to live with the guilt that she wasn At the same time I think your dad is just thinking about what he wants and I completely understand. My mother wanted to die at home in her own bed, not a hospital bed, even if she was still at home she didn't want a hospital bed, but I also think it puts a lot of stress on you and one day he will be gone and you'll have to pick up the pieces and continue on and there may be a day when you can no longer care for him at home. I was very long-winded, but what I Focus on your dad and do what you can do and that is all you can do.

Still think no one was forced to do anything??? sm [2008-04-18]
From Wikipedia: JeffsPresident and Prophet, Seer and Revelator. He also held the title of President of the Priesthood. Jeffs was a counselor to his father Rulon Jeffs when the elder Jeffs held these leadership positions; upon the death of Rulon Jeffs in 2002, Warren Jeffs succeeded him and became FLDS Church leader.[9] One of JeffsI won Then addressing the recent widows, he said, You women will live as if father is still alive and in the next room. Within a week, Warren had married all but two of his father's several dozen wives.[10] After this, he continued to marry more women, many of whom were close relatives. Because of his claimed descent from Jesus Christ and Joseph Smith, Jeffs has taught that his marriages are necessary to preserve sacred bloodlines.[citation needed] Jeffs, the sole individual in the church who could perform marriages, was responsible for assigning wives to husbands. Jeffs also had the ability to punish men by reassigning their wives, children and homes to another man.[11] Moreover, the FLDS Church owns essentially all of the homes and real estate in the areas where its members reside.

About polygamist compound - the polygamy doesn't [2008-04-17]
I couldn Personally I would never want to be in a polygamist situation, but if adults choose that, I don What do you all think? Do you care if people live polygamist lives?

polygamy doesn't bother me but the compound does [2008-04-17]
I understand that people of like minds may want to live in a close community, but when it becomes isolative I think it's dangerous. I don't have a problem with free choice. Of course the under age marriages are deplorable. I feel sorry for the women being separated from their children and even more so for the children being taken away from their parents into a different world. The women on Larry King bothered me though, they all talked in a very monotone way, they looked gaunt, kind of robotic. Maybe it's the immediate situation they are facing and being on TV. I guess I would have liked to see a bit of anger there, some emotion, too submissive, probably the way they are with their husbands. You get the feeling they are pretty bottled up.

but most of these are not actually married sm [2008-04-17]
The man usually only marries the first wife and the rest are not legal marriages.

Absolutely! [2008-03-17]
I met my best friend in 1975 when we worked together. I tell people I We have seen each other through second marriages, second divorces, the entire deal. Talk daily sometimes 2-3 times. And yes sometimes a friend sticketh closer than a brother, in this case anyway!

you certainly have a miserable heart [2008-02-19]
So, everyone else is supposed to give your candidate a break, but you feel free to come on here and bash a woman, Hillary, who chose to stay with her husband even after he told a great big lie. As far as the philandering, give me a break - if every woman left her husband for that, there might be 12 marriages left intact. I don't like Obama - he swaggers, he obviously thinks he is the Second Coming by his body language and his speech patterns. He has very little experience in anything of importance, whereas Hillary was doing voluteer work in grade school and never stopped. She worked without charge to help defend blacks unfairly charged with crimes when she was still in law school. She was with Marian Edelman (think that's the name) who started the Children's Defense Fund at the beginning, has never made money at that time and donated all her time, legal talent and paid her own airfares, hotels and meals to go to the D.C. for the board meetings when she was First Lady of Arkansas. Obama on the other hand has had his fair share of shady dealings with property in Chicago. I'm from Illinois and I can tell you that no one gets anywhere in Chicago politics without getting dirty. Obama voted present 114 times in the Illinois legislature - ridiculous. The man has no backbone and no conscience. You call Hillary power hungry - she has earned the right to be the presidential candidate. She didn't ask for it just because of her physical characteristics. If Obama is elected, it will be a very, very tragic day for this country.

Probably the truth is that if they don't [2008-02-14]
come around, they have a little peace. Every encounter with their mother is going to ruffle her feathers and freak her out. You are a cold, cold woman. Hopefully they are getting some acceptance from their in-laws, if you haven How about you tell the person you are talking long distance to, I Where are your priorities?

just trying to get a better idea [2008-02-14]
multiple marriages possibly? i THINK you mentioned you worked 3-4 jobs at a time that sort of thing, maybe he feels abandoned? when was the last time you talked to him? does he have contact with his father? i realize they are adults but even adults have hurts that sometimes stem from their childhoods. i know my mother, though in the same home, was totally absent emotionally. she worked several jobs at a time too and i suppose i still have some resentment about that... never having her to talk to. i had the materialistic things i needed but not the motherly love i needed. i try very hard to be there for my children... suppose that would be part of the reason i work from home... i have a relationship with my mother and i will always love her but i will admit there are times when i'm short with her. sometimes i think she has selective memory as far as the facts of my childhood. i believe she thinks everything was perfect and she was the best. lol. she has never apologized about ANYTHING..... suppose that would be part of her denial. just wondered if things may be similar between you and your children. you may very well just have ungrateful children or maybe they have hurts that need healed. :) i hope you made amends with your son. very sad to me.