That is for the individual and hisher parents to...

This all comes down to the parents [2008-11-25]
I think those women are making a big mistake. I love my sister and nephew, don But he is like that 7 yo and it drives me crazy. BUT my sister and BIL are to blame, I feel. He gets a toy every time they He gets a new toy if he My sister feels guilty if he likes something and she doesn They buy him major video games just because, instead of reserving these things for birthdays or Christmas. They will go out and buy him a $200 item in the middle of the week and when I ask what the occasion is? Nothing, we just thought he'd like it! He is well behaved and they don Yes, it Growing up when we would talk, my sister had definite opinions about what she would and would not do when she had children, and this is not how she felt back then. But he doesn In my opinion, they Just my opinion.

Selfish parents [2008-11-24]
People are selfish these days...no one wants to be bothered with their own kids...and before you think I am TOO old, I am only 49 with 18 and 24 year old sons. I A DD too sounds like she resents having to help her children with homework and extracurricular activities. That is the price you pay for the joy of raising your children...get over it. My dh and I have been active in our kids sports and school all their lives and it just shocks me at how many people give their 8-10 year olds $20 and tell them go play somewhere while they are out at a hockey rink, or school gym and these are the kids causing trouble or running around like banchees. Someone could snatch them up at any time and then they Also I Before my kids started kindergarten they knew their numbers, colors, letters, could print their name and could read some words, because my husband and I spent the time with them to teach them, spent time WITH them. that is what you do when you're a parent...sorry but this is my biggest pet peeve about parents today.

Probably borrow from his parents - sm [2008-11-13]
they are loaded, though act poor (have a couple mil in the bank). Borrow enough to a pay off the house $40K if they would go for it, and I think they would, or sell the house (borrow from them until house is sold) and either rent for a while (we'd have about $140K after the sale of the house and mortgage paid off) or buy a much smaller house. We have land we can sell too so we would not be destitute though it would cause some problems.

Not educational. This is something that should be the parents job to teach, not the school. sm [2008-10-16]
Besides, why should school children have a field trip to ANY wedding? What would people say if someone had a field trip to a church service? These are things that parents need to be able to teach their children when the time is right.

Unfortunately, the schools stick their nose in many things that should be the parents job (sm) [2008-10-16]
my children have had teachers give one-sided views of politics, whether they should be democrats or republicants, who their parents should be voting for, etc. For some reason, some teachers don We don't pay them to teach their opinion.

I still think it should be the parents who teach the child these things, not the school's place. [2008-10-16]
Each child goes to school to learn facts. They learn their social skills, values, etc.at home and from friends that their parents allow them to associate with. The school is a public entity full of many INDIVIDUALS who all have different values and opinions. Teachers should not be teaching children their own personal values and should leave that to the parents.

But this is not a school-wide accepted teaching practice, it is individual (nm) [2008-10-16]
x

It can't because most parents (read this board!) are NOT [2008-10-16]

You're right - it's up to the individual. [2008-10-16]
.

Help! I live next to parents and they ...sm [2008-10-15]
are driving me mad, well my dad is anyways. I have always lived on my parents land next door to them. I live in a mobile home. Well my mom and dad divorced this year because my dad was cheating. He was calling another woman up to 10 times a day, going to her house, has give her everything he has. He owned cattle and sold them and got $32,000 for them. Well the money disappeared and he was broke before long. This woman he is cheating with is on disability and lives in a house and has a SUV. Her daughter has a car and son a truck and none of them work. Mama has looked on his bank statements and seen where he is making their payments. Well of course mom put him out. Like to never got him out. He got a mobile home and parked it on the land. She got 3 acres and the house in divorce. He has the remaining 7 acres. Well he puts his mobile home on his part and refuses to hook it up. He is staying in this trailer with no power, no sewage, nothing. There is only a bed. He has had the money to hook it up right. My mother has offered him part of the furniture and a TV. He doesn He refuses to live like a normal human being. Then he comes to my moms house every day when she gets off of work and wants to come in and take a shower. She is like no we aren You have a trailer and you go hook it up and take a shower over there. Well it has water to it he just doesn Well that is his own problem. He chooses not to have it hooked up because I guess he wants an excuse to come over to moms. Well she tells him no. Then he comes to my house and sits and sits. He comes over because he has no furniture and no TV or nothing. He comes and rumages through my cabinets and bums food. If me and my mom are at my house and decide to cook something he invites himself over there and helps himself. I have never seen anyone who was so annoying. I can He refuses to get a washer or dryer which without electricity it wouldn So he comes to my house and says can I wash my laundry? Well gues what? I end up doing it cause he doesn Then he leaves it there and expects me to finish it. I can not hardly do my work because he comes over and says are you busy? I just wanted to talk. I won Then he just sits there. I am at my wits end. I just want to move. He came over and said can I borrow a duffle bag? I said ok. I give it to him. He says I am gonna go buy one and I will bring it back. I never have got it back. Then he comes over and says can I borrow an ice chest. I let him borrow it and never get it back. He bums off of everyone here but this other woman and her children he gives whatever they want. He has taken money from me and my sister. He has borrowed money against my sisters extra vehicle she had paid for. He asked and she let him. he didn THis is his own daughter he did this to now. My husband had a pickup in my dads name because his credit wasn Big mistake. When the truck was almost paid formy dadborrowed money against the truck behind our backs. THen the truck is stolen and insurance has to pay it off. Well it was worth more than what was owing so we got the differnece. Well he had borrowed $1600 against it and said he didn So it came out of our insurance money from the truck. Finally when we knew he had some money we had to bug him and bug him for the money and he said $1000 is all he owed. He borrowed $1600 and paid one note on it before the truck was stolen. So we were out about $500. He takes from his children. I am at wits end. I want to get far far away from him. My sister lives an hour an a half away and she seems pretty lucky right now. What the heck to do?

Best one though - I don't have to live with my parents :-) sm [2008-10-08]
I love them, love to visit them, talk to them on the phone...but I don't have to live with them!

Anyone here caring for aging parents? [2008-10-02]
Whoof. This is so very hard. My mother is/was a brilliant educator, highly respected in her field. We are walking a very thin line these days. I just hate it, and I do not use that word often. We have found an assisted living facility that she likes, and I do as well. But, she is not liking the fact that she must decide. Oh, it is so very hard. She was quite ill back in the summer, went to a nursing home for therapy (to recover from pneumonia), and then home. She is failing, and not going gentle into that good night. She wants so very much to live on her own, but it is such a struggle. I am afraid for her, and I am so very tired. Is anyone else living with this? If so, what do you do? I have read a thousand articles, talked with so many specialists, and still am lost.

Aging parents [2008-10-02]
Well, ya know, you just do what you need to do during these times. I helped care for both my folks and they each died in their mid 60s of cancer. I did a lot of praying to find the strength and really kept remembering I only had one mom and one dad and after all they had given up to give us kids a good life growing up, it was the absolutely least I could do. My brothers and sister were just great too and we got to the point we took shifts, even when they were hospitalized. Looking back, we had some really very nice moments. I can actually say Ihaveno regrets and feel no guilt about perhaps what I should have done later.If you do have siblings, ask for help. Take care of yourselves as you really are not as capable of caring for your parents otherwise.

It certainly is sad for the kids and their parents but - [2008-09-21]
I would much prefer to hear about an 11-year-old or 13-year-old being abandoned under the Safe Haven laws rather than hearing about their mother or father deciding the only way out of a desperate situation was to kill their children and themselves. The children are old enough that they have probably had numerous conversations with their parent(s) about why they are being left and how to find them later (at least I hope so.)

parents [2008-09-10]
I had a daughter in a similar situation. Her school had a tutoring program after schools with actual teachers and that really helped her a lot. She actually was doing okay in the class, but just didn't feel confident. The teachers made her feel more sure of herself and that seemed to make all the difference. I'd talk with the physics teacher or counselor to see if they can work with her before she drops the class.

Parents what would you do? [2008-09-10]
I My daughter just started the 9th grade. She This year she She She wants to drop out of the class already. I told her to give it to the first semester which will be over in ten weeks to see how it goes. My husband feels that she has to take it eventually so she should say in the class. She I think she should talk to the teacher and her counselor to see what advice they have. Her teacher is one that gives the work and says do it without really teaching them how to do anything. I My husband took physics years ago and he tried to work with her last night, but I What would you do if your child was in the same predicament?

Why boys need parents... [2008-08-28]
This is for those mother's of boys, sisters of boys, and boys that have grown older and anyone else who needs a laugh.

Why not drive down to your parents on [2008-08-13]
x

Did your parents help? I lived on my own but (sm) [2008-08-08]
it was because my stepfather did not want me there. I worked a full time and a part time job and tried to put myself through college. It took me years just to get an associate degree. If I had had help from my parents it would have been so much easier. It was very difficult as an 18-year-old to earn enough money to take care of myself.

parents [2008-08-08]
My parents helped very little - they were very loving, but very poor. I worked, had no car, ate very simple cheap foods - that is the only way I could have done it. . I could not help my daughter much either - she got scholarships, took out loans and worked - full time one year while attending college full-time. . If parents can help, I think they should. . I think this mom is willing to help, just not change her entire life, which she should not have to.

What he needs is some parents with some sense (sm) [2008-08-04]
I feel sorry for you as his neighbor and sorry for him that his parents have raised him to be this way. They shouldn If the people who are supposed to love you more than anyone on Earth treat you like that, then how would you possibly learn to treat other people with decency and respect? If anything actually needs to happen, it is that DSS needs to be called and told how the parents talk to their child. He doesn I am usually the last one who would say that because I think children are almost better off with their parents, messy house or whatever, but in this case, this child needs help.

Also - Talking to his parents would be of no benefit (sm [2008-08-04]
His parents do not know how to handle him. Calling their son names and telling him that his heart is dark are just making things worse. He might get punished more or yelled at more or cursed at more....that He doesn I am not a parent who believes in not disciplining their children....I believe in disciplining appropriately though. If you have witnessed and heard for yourself the things that his parents have said to him, what do you think they must say to him when no one else can hear? Also, often boys who are large for their age get treated so much more harshly by everyone around them.....suppose he was a teeny tiny little 14-year-old saying the same types of things....would you react exactly the same to him?? Because his mentality is the same as that teeny tiny 14-year-old, just in a bigger body.

I understand some parents don't supply stuff- sm [2008-08-03]
but what is wrong with regular pencils, a whole lot cheaper than mechanical. I would buy some extra of those no problem, but $21 for pencils is a bit too much. In theory the teacher keeps each kids supplies in their own box at our school, so the supplies really are for my kid and not others, they supply their own note paper, markers, pencils, folders, notebooks, crayons, etc. I am sure some things end up in a general grab box for everyone, like the pencils and construction paper. I just remember when I went to school, all we needed was a few pencils in grade school.....as we got older, folders and a notebook, pens and pencils. Now you need ever little thing. The big thing was back to school clothes not supplies. I cannot even buy my kids any new clothes as I am spending it all on supplies, so far $140 and I am not done, plus it would be $11 more if I bought all the required pencils.

well you are indeed lucky, my individual is 130 bi weekly [2008-07-30]
highway robbery. I really wish they would just make Medicaid available to anyone that wants it.

my two blind parents had a blind dog [2008-07-12]
The dog didn Talk about irony!! Parents couldn Mom didn't move the furniture much, too much crashing into... God truly has a sense of humor.

These 10 things definitely ain't right: [2008-12-01]
1) MTSOs who want people with top-notch skills and experience, but don't want to pay them what that skill is worth. 2) HMO's: So-called *health-maintenance-organizations* --yet they spend every minute and every dime of their far-too-large profits on denying healthcare, meds and procedures to their patients. These organizations have ruined American healthcare, and many American lives. HMO's have been a con-game since their inception. 3) The Bailouts: Giving money to companies who can too bad for the rest of you.* Then the Big Three show up in DC to beg for a handout, and fly there in private Lear jets. My answer to them would be, *I too bad for the rest of you.* 4) Apartment managers that won't allow even a single quiet, well-behaved pet, but will rent to people with continually screaming small children, and out-of-control older children and teens. Give me the pets for neighbors, ANY day. 5) Businesses that give an age-discount to absolutely everything that walks, runs or flies, but not to the middle-aged middle-class, who need it the most. Take the ski-industry: Young children ski for next-to-nothing, and sometimes nothing. There is a Teen Discount. There is a Student Discount for college kids. There I'll probably never be old enough - it's a carrot-on-a-stick, always just out of reach.) There are even corporate (UGH) discounts. But for those in my age group, who barely make ends meet but like to go up once a year for a couple days of bliss, there is NOTHING. 6) Travel-lodging deals that are always based on double or quadruple occupancy. What about singles? NOTHING. 7) TV commercials that are about a million decibels louder than the regular shows. Why can't it all be the same volume? Same with online newscasts. THEIR commercials will blow your eardrums out if you aren't quick enough turning down the volume before they start. 8) Surround-sound: Everything is too loud, already! Why do we need it coming at us from 4 directions? Why do people living in tiny apartments feel they need it? I've lost count of how many fights I've had with neighbors over this issue. Same with movies and music concerts. Why do they feel we need to feel the music in our SPLEENS? I went to Universal Amphitheater last week. (Now named something else). There is actually a sign outside warning that the decibel level inside might damage your hearing! (?!?!?!) Why do they need this? (To avoid lawsuits, obviously). If it's so loud you have to post a warning sign outside the entrance, then DUH.... it's TOO LOUD! 9) Banks that charge you a fee to use their ATM. They (I haven't actually been INSIDE a bank in YEARS).... and they want to charge US for using the machines instead of the tellers? Forget it. I won't give those banks my business. 10) The Post Office: Talk about rewarding slow, inept performance! The worse their employees are, the longer they seem to stay there. I'd rather have a root canal than go to a P.O. during the holiday season.

crazier every day sm [2008-12-01]
Kids who need designer labels, theme birthday parties, karate, guitar, piano, dance, gym, swim,baseball, soccer all in one week, both parents have to work their kiesta off to pay for all this stuff and the kid has to go to therapy because they are acting tired in school and are always bored in the few minutes they do have at home. They also need food that is on the acceptable food pyramid from the expensive organic markets but end up eating Kraft mac cheese, the orange kind, that they slipped into the carriage when dad or gramma stopped at the store. Oh well, they used to say you have to eat a peck of dirt before you die - not in todayAnd PS - all that expensive cream we put on our faces (if we did) announced today on all stations that they don't WORK! Back to Vaseline!

I remember. [2008-11-30]
My parents used to take us downtown once a year to shop and look at the display windows. Then we would eat at one of the department stores. Dad would take half the kids and mom would take the other half so we could all buy for each other. I remember one year when I was about 6 I was with my dad and my sister and I saw this beautiful red coat I wanted to get mom. We took it up to the counter and my dad told us to give the lady our money. Between us we had 35 cents. We gave it to her and she wrapped it up for us. My dad still tells that story today, how we bought mom a coat for 35 cents. We never did see him give the saleslady the rest of the money, and it was sweet how she played along.

I still love giving gifts and have a solution with my family. sm [2008-11-30]
We all buy gifts for our parents (there are 4 of us, all married) but we wrap them all in the same paper and they are from everyone. That way, if someone is having a tough year, then it still looks even. Over the years, all of us have had a year that extra money just was not there during 1st babies, 1st homes, high gas prices, unexpected bills, lay-offs, new jobs etc. This way, our parents don't know who did what and they can't turn them down or worry about one family when they don't want to share with them their troubles. We treat the kids similarly. We all buy for all the kids (7 total) but no set limit. Some years, when having a good financial year, they get big presents, some years they don't. They all get to open at least 5 presents (counting Grandma and Grandpa) and we torture them until after dinner before they can open gifts! There have been years of Dollar Store gifts and years of video games. We all look for things during the year that we can give to all equally. Last year, I found pajama bottoms at Old Navy for $2 in the summer and bought a pair for everyone, including the adults. One year, my sister got them all Uno decks which were $3 each because that's all she could do and they are still the favorite gift and go everywhere. Uno tournaments, using all the cards are a family tradition and we make up different rules all the time! I am fortunate to be in a good position the last few yeas and have bought more extravagant presents. Not to show anyone up, but because I can. Not to make up for the very lean years, which were many, but because it is easy for me to do right now. We don't have jealousy and I don't expect anything in return because if I need something or want something, I usually buy it for myself. I just like to give gifts and can, and everyone is fine with that. But I have to tell you, my best gifts from the others are from years when there was no money and have now become tradition ... strawberry jam from my SIL, fudge from my brother. Christmas is what you make it. We are loud and loving and crazy and if we exchanged soup cans, the kids would still love it. It is what you make of it and how fun you make it for them.

2 problems with hubby - any advice??? [2008-11-30]
Problem #1: His hearing. He will not go to the doctor, complains to me all the time that he can not hear me and talks SO loud. I can't tell him anything in the stores or I might as well announce it over the loud speaker which in turn creates an argument (hence, miserable day out shopping yesterday). Problem #2:I dread this time of year with him. He turns into this greedy person that is beyond comprehension for me. Every time he opens his mouth it I always grew up being thankful for what I got and can I never ask for items for Christmas - I appreciate the thoughtfulness that a person puts into getting me something (even if it I also believe the kids come first (3, 2 of which are teenagers) and we buy for them first but it seems I always have to budget my money for the kids and then for him. He does not like inexpensive items either. The last few months I'm the only one who has bought gifts for the kids - he hasn't spent any of his money and is counting on a bonus from his employer that may or may not come through and you never know how much it's going to be. Sorry - and thanks for letting me vent. I've been so stressed lately.

I just need to VENT and see what you all think...Beware...this is long...sm [2008-11-30]
I have tried twice to tell this story but deleted it both times because the story is just too long so I will be as short as I can. I have a bunch of ROTTEN TO THE CORE sisters.My sisters are just about the worst people I have ever met in my whole 43 years on this planet. There is one who is especially bad and I just told my other sister that if she ever dies, to please not call me as I won I come from a very large family with 5 sisters and 1 brother with my brother being the oldest. He is not involved. He sort ofleft the family years ago because he couldn They did terrible things to him after his divorce. We rarely see him now.I am considered a scumbag and a loser because my husband and I don We don We don We can We love our children with everything in our souls. They have made fun of me and my husband and insulted us to our faces.My husband and I have a difficult marriage as he is tough to get along with so they hate my husband My sistershave all gone out to dinner without inviting me. I have found out because of someone They have made threats and sent rumors flying throughout the family, without me knowing, about calling DCYF on me. I heard that one too from a slip of the tongue. I cried for 2 hours in the shower that day. They talk about everyone and I mean everyone badly. They have awell known reputation ina couple of our towns here for being mean horrible girls. They are about as fake and phony as a person can get. Sweet and all smiles to your face and when you turn around, they stick that knife in as far as they can get it in. They have what they have in their lives because of what someone has given them. My sister had her property given to her by her in-laws. It is worth about $1,000,000. My other sister had land given to her by her husbandto lessen their mortage burden so now they owe almost nothing on their $500,000 house. They think they are fabulous people. They think they are the cat In the past years when we were all talking and I would be invited to a holiday, I was not spoken to at all the whole time I was there. I am a venter and I always have been so if my husband and I are fighting, I will always go to my older sister (one up from me) and vent and vent until I can She gets on the phone the second I leave and tells every person in my family what is going on. They in turn judge me and my husband, make their threats, and so on. This is also happening to my oldest sister and her partner (she is in a gay relationship but was always dating a man and was married twice) and my sister The three of us, me, my sister and her partner, and my sister We get along well. We are happy with each other. We don Whatever happens in each other lives, we just accept it and don I now attend holidays at my sister I don I don The sisters (I like to call them the Witches of Eastwick) all attend holidays with each other up at my sister The three of us are not invited. My older sister has a son. Several yeas ago, my sister and her partner had a terrible fight with him. He went to the witches and told them a bunch of lies and now they have pretty much shunned her and her daughter and me too because we still talk to her.I have a sister, who is involved in all of this, that I speak to on a regular basis. She is close to my kids or at least my oldest son. She pretty much ignores my other two children and they tell me, It She is the one who has spread rumors about me in the family trying to get everyone to call DCYF on me. I heard this too by a slip of the tongue from another sister a few years back. I tend to be a forgiving person so I quietly forgave her for this without her ever knowing that I knew what she was trying to do. Now that they are all inviited to the holidays up to my sister They are extremely fat just like her. These holiday trips up north are usually kept quiet and I only know about it the day before they are leaving to go, which is when she inevitably asks me to come feed her f******g cats. This is how Iknow that a big party is going on up at the cabin and once again only the chosen selected few are going. This is usually for 3 or 4 days and they get fed twice a day so I have to goto her house twice a day. Sometimes I have to give them medication and the last time she asked me, I even had to soak her sick cat She lives about 20 minutes away from me. This girl would NEVER, NEVER, EVER do this for me. My husband and I took our children on a cruise 3 years ago and we have a cat and I never asked her to do this for me as I know she would have laughed in my face. I have been feeding her cats for years now when she goes away. Keep in mind though that she was in the select chosen few to be invited up to the cabin. I was not as I am considered trash in the family. I am SICK AND TIRED of feeding this girl My sister who invites everyone to go is a mean, horrible, sadistic, vicious, backstabbing wretched b***h. No one will say anything to her like, Gee Pat, where is everyone else? Didn They could care less. All they know is that THEY were invited. Anyway, I am sorry this is so long. I cananymore. I have been thinking of this all day all weekend long. I am really to the point where I just don I am goingto tell my fat a** b***h sister to fnd another way to get her cats fed because I She is just using me and believe me when I tell you, she enjoys it. She is verydiabolical. She loves it that I am not invited and she and her husband are.She even questions me and counts the cat food cans to make sure that I came on all of the days they were gone. These people have balls of brass and I have had ENOUGH.I am just sitting and waiting patiently for the next time she says, Oh, we Can you come and feed the cats? I just canNo. I can I will never feed your cats again! Find some other sucker to do it! I believe that they are severely narcissistic people and this is nothing to take lightly.These types of people are very destructive. Do any of you have family members like this and what do you do about them? How do you stop them from making you feelsad, lonely, excluded andless than you are or deserve? I think it is time for me to cut all ties with them. I just can

Has society become this bad and why [2008-11-29]
I saw the post down below about the Wal-Mart worker. Here is a new article that just came out (link below). The police are now looking at video surveillance to see who trampled this poor worker to death. Personally I hope they find all responsible and prosecute them to the fullest. It doesn I like their store just fine, it is what society is doing to people that nobody even bothered to stop and help this person. I grew up in the 60s/70s in a small town in New England. Maybe I'm old fashioned but my parents/grandparents taught me better than this. I just can And for what? Getting a Christimas item? This is one of many reasons why I do my Christmas shopping (what very little I do) online and gift cards. I think the traditions of the big shopping day the day after Thanksgiving should go away. I really donlove thy neighbor, not trample, bite, and spit at them so you can grab that item. (BTW - you can shop online at Walmart too). I think to myself that I thought the spirit of Christmas was supposed to celebrate Christ. Oh yeah, I'm sure he is so proud of people like those who harm others and cause death so they can get what they want. I hope those guilty are sitting at home worrying about whether or not their face is going to show up on the video camera. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20081129/D94OJ4NG0.html

I went through this myself about 20 years ago. [2008-11-28]
My husband is the eldest of 4 siblings. They tend to give expensive gifts, and none of them have children. I came from a very poor family, so our Christmas holidays never included lots of gifts. When we were first married I stressed over the gift selection and the money we spent. My husband, who is an accountant, stressed over every penny. When our first child came alone, I quit my full-time, downtown career-oriented job and stayed home. Our family income was cut in half, and so we had to tell everyone, our siblings, parents, friends, etc., that we couldn't afford to give any gifts. Family members wanted to give us gifts anyway, and we begged them not to, as it really made us feel uncomfortable to receive but not give. We didn't need anything, really. We just couldn't afford to spend anything on gifts. It took us about 3 years to get everyone to play by our rules. Twenty years later, and we're doing better financially, but we still don't exchange gifts with anyone but our children. Even my husband and I don't exchange gifts. We try, instead, to make donations to charities or causes that we care about. Over the years, some of our family members have experienced financial difficulties, and they opted out of the gift giving either temporarily or permanently. It always feels a little strange at first, but eventually it's ok. The season isn't about the gifts, and if the gift-giving becomes a burden, then that's certainly no fun. You have the financial responsibility for your family. You make those decisions, not family members who make you feel guilty. They'll get over it. Don't let it get you down.

Holidays are hard [2008-11-26]
My parents were divorced so my sister and I spent many years shuffling between two houses. When we each got married and had our own families the situation got even more complex. My parents are now deceased and my sister and I are estranged (even though we live in the same town), so in some ways life has gotten simpler. I still get very emotional and depressed around the holidays because of my dysfunctional childhood and negative expectations, but I don't have as much guilt and stress anymore. My husband's parents and family are back in our hometown 600 miles away, and for the last few years he's gone back there for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas with our youngest child. I don't begrudge him that because his folks are elderly and I don't want him to have any regrets later. I can't go with him because we have a lot of animals to take care of, and frankly, I'm really comfortable just hanging out at home with them anyway. We have adult kids too, and two grandchildren, and I encourage all of them to live their lives without the burden of guilt and feelings of obligation. If they can come by and have dinner or visit that's great, and if not BIG DEAL. Honestly, it's just a day. Things got easier for us when we realized we didn't necessarily have to celebrate a holiday on the exact day it was scheduled. I really understand your not wanting to let your mom down, and I would feel the same way. Your husband is a big boy and has made a choice, so that's on him, not you. He's probably being a bit immature and stubborn on this one. I hope you'll extend the invitation to your husband one more time, then go to your mom's and enjoy yourself whether he comes along or not.

It's lying in the absolute literal sense, but so what. [2008-11-26]
I think itcontrolled dissemination of information can be a good thing. My kids don't need to know what I did when I was a wild child, for example. And on occasion I've told them there were no more Little Debbies in the house, even though I had a personal stash hidden away. LOL! As far as Santa goes, I loved it. The way I explained it to my children when they got older and stopped believing was that when weto give. When my oldest became aware of the Santa reality, he wanted to Santa for my little brother, and kept the fantasy alive for him. Now they do that for others. I consider that a reality. The arguments regarding the honesty of the Santa fantasy will go on and on. In the end, it's a personal family decision to participate or not, and I think we can all be respectful of other family's decisions by not divulging the truth within earshot of children who believe, and not arguing over the issue with parents who believe otherwise.

See inside [2008-11-26]
My daughter (now 19) has always had more guy friends than girls mostly because she does not care for the drama and backstabbing that many teenage girls engage in. What I would take into account is how your daughter acts around these boys--how does she dress (my daughter is an athlete--no low-cut shirts, short skirts, etc) and what are her mannerisms (too flirty or just chillin as friends) or do you see something more--watch the behavior. Have always welcomed all kids to hang out at my house--even though it has driven up my food bill--because I feel that way I know what they're doing, hear how they are acting/talking (they can forget you are around the corner), and I get to know who they are hangin with. As time goes by you can get to know who a lot of the kids are in your town including siblings and parents--have always made it a point to network, network, network--soccer games, helping in school, etc. Always offer to drive too--they will also sometimes forget you have ears up there in the driver's seat. I like to remind my kids that they don't know who I know so they should keep that in mind when out in public because you never know what could get back to me.

Thank you to all for suggestions/advice [2008-11-26]
It It is so isolating working from home sometimes. I don Working from home is a mixed blessing sometimes... I do this so I can be available for my kids, but at the same time I feel I am always working and can On the days they don Iguess I thought it would be easieronce they got older, but it is just as complicated in many ways.Well, another day off from school is almost over and at least we all survived.

boys [2008-11-26]
My son is 15 and I cannot tell you how many interviews and interrogations we have had to go through. Every time he has been on a date the parents want to meet us and see our house, etc. I has been a flipping nightmare, especially since these little flings last about a week and are over after the dance! In my humble opinion, find her something else to do. That is what I have had to do with my son. I just can't take the pain anymore. Join some super busy, mega overly scheduled adult supervised something! Shoo, shoo, mama is working!

I'm butting in here but sewing classes LOL [2008-11-26]
I took home ec in school too. Dresses were always too short in length or in sleeves. My parents sent me to Singer Sewing School for 2 years. I STILL can2 of them sitting in storage (1 mom's, 1 DH's mom's). BTW, my mom couldn't sew either. My father used to do any sewing that was needed in the house.

Pumpkin and apple pie [2008-11-26]
And my mother-in-law makes a cherry cream and chocolate cream pie to die for. We go to my parents every year and my mother does all of the baking.

Does anyone play board games or card games anymore? [2008-11-25]
My 7-year-old child was invited to a B-day party for a little boy that was also turning 7. Anyway, when it came to opening gifts, he got Wii game toys, the different controlers and games. I did not even know the kid had a Wii game, but it seemed like everyone else did. I bought him a race track and a game of Go Fish. The race track got an I already have that comment and the Go Fish was what the heck. He did not say that but he kinid of looked at it like that and put it back in the bag. I wondered if he even knows what Go Fish is. The only gamesmy child has are board games, card games, those free games you can play on the computer and 1 game that plugs into the TV. It looks like a joystick and it has 3 games in it. These games have helped her in her reading because she has to read directions. She can identify a lot of the ocean fish. I was treated like an outcast at the party anyway. Itried to join in conversations with the other mothers, I would get ignored or very short answers, some would actually walk away. Then one mother actually turned her back to me to talk to another so I would just listen. They were talking about building houses, they have lots of land blah blah blah. They were giving each other advice on what to do with it all. When the conversation turned to how their kids are struggling in this subject or that that is when I got up and left because they toned their conversation down and then shut it off completely when then thought I was listening, so I thought that was my cue just leave so they can vent to one another about it. Itwas moreabout the teachers expecting too much blah blah blah.I have known some of these mothers or their spouses since we were little kids. They really treated me like trash back then. I thought that now that we were in our 30s, have not had much contact with each other since HS until now that our kids are going to school together, it would be like water under the bridge. Guess not. The families were wealthier than we were (just about every family was wealthier than we were back thenlol)but I know theycan Well, actually I don The only thing I did have over them is my kid is not struggling in school. She is making straight As on all her subjects. The only reason I went was because my 7-year-old and the7-year-old boy are really good friends and Ithought thatmaybe me and the other mothercould find something in common.At school, they are in separable so I really wanted dd to go to help him celebrate his special day. I could not help but notice that dd played with him more and the others were playing among themselves. I do worry if that tee I worry that they are going to discriminate against DD because I was a poorlittle nobody back in school and they were popular.I worry that they are going to start refusing to let the little boy play with dd and it will break her heart and hate me. I take baths, I practice clean living, always have, no drugs, alcohol. I don I pay my bills. Everything I own, I got honestly, paid for it myself. Of course, it isn H is not from here, he went to school elsewhere. I used to worry about that too back when we 1st started dating..Him finding out I was an outcast, dork or whatever and hate me. Now I worry that my child is going find out and resent me.

You didn't do anything wrong sm [2008-11-25]
Some people never leave the high school mentality. Donvideo games, as long as theyare age-appropriate. They help build hand-eye coordination. I think there was even astory about surgeons playing them because of how much remote-assisted surgeries arebeing done now.As far as board games here, we just got the game of Life and have been playing it lately -- the kids absolutely love it! They also love Uno, Monopoly, and SkipBo. I told them the best thing about these games is that we can play them even if the lights go out (this was during hurricane season).

nobody plays anything anymore, apparently [2008-11-25]
Wow, it was like you were reciting a chapter from our life. We've had the hardest time around other parents and their kids. You should have seen the confused look we got the other day when someone asked us if our kids liked Diego, and we said that ours don't really watch TV. It was the politest thing to say, because there was the show up on their enormous expensive flat-screen TV, and the animation was so awful, and nothing at all was happening, and the kids were just itching to *do* something instead of being sung at by dead-eyed drawings, but how do you tell people that? ''I might let her watch TV if there were anything on that wasn't a hypnotic half-hour commercial for some crappy toy.'' If you say that, people think *you're* judgmental and weird, no matter how much they look down on you for not having the Latest and Greatest. What can you do? Here's all I can do: Trust myself, trust my instincts that there's a mistake those people are making. My goal is to raise morally good kids. Make them good, make them smart. Rich, snobbish and overstimulated aren't virtues.

I think what you did was great. [2008-11-25]
I'm sorry it turned out that way. You are right, most kids don't play board games or card games any more and lack imagination and development that is necessary for school. I think you can have a mix of both but sadly many parents don't uphold guidelines in their household and it's easier for them to let the TV/video games babysit their children. It is also sad that they are acting so childish when you are grown adults with children of your own. I wouldn't make any effort to be around them or be friendly any further. The mom of the birthday boy, maybe invite her to coffee or a playplace for the kids, just the 2 of you and get to know her better. I can understand that and think it would help her to see what a good person you are and make her own opinion despite what the others may or may not say to her. If she doesn't seem receptive, let it go. You can't control what happens at school but keep your eyes and ears open. If there are any problems that develop between the 2 friends at school, I would address it with the teacher.

nest of vipers [2008-11-25]
Your family deserves better friends. It sounds like the boy is already a clone of his materialistic parents & is not a good influence on your daughter. Get away now & start your own group of solid, level-headed, smart, low-impact-living, Nintendo-less do-it-yourself-ers. You don't need these idiots. Here are a couple of interesting links: http://www.lewrockwell.com/westley/westley17.html http://www.mediafamily.org/facts/facts_tveffect.shtml

Video games/systems [2008-11-25]
I refuse to buy a system myself.I have three kids and thought about getting the Wii last year at Christmas time but decided against it. My kids are very sport oriented and I think a game system would just take away from the active side of sports. My parents have a Wii and we will play when we go over there so I think they get their fill of it. My friends/family think I I don Funny how my friends/family don't like me to have my own opinion!! (sorry that last part was me venting)

Yes. My son's second wife never [2008-11-25]
cooked. It was always McD's, Taco Bell, Pizza, etc. She never cleaned either. All she knew how to do was spend the bill money. (She didn't work, BTW). Now my grandson is on a diet at 15 yo, 195 pounds.Thank heavens, my son woke up and got rid of her. My mom worked every day and when she came home, made supper and it was always on the table by 5-5:30. If my father was on the 2nd shift, she'd make him a hot meal, put it in a square metal container and I would bicycle it to his work. When I was old enough to use the stove, I would make supper once or twice a night. In the summer, I would clean the house so she would have less to do. I worked 2 jobs most of my life, but always had time to take my boys to their baseball practice, wrestling practice, and when old enough, to their PT joband pick them up at 10-11:00 when they would get off, went to open house every year to see how they were doing, etc. I also made sure their homework was done (not that boys really bring homework home in those days LOL), had a meal on the table for them every night, never had snacks like chips or pretzels in the house. The only thing they had to drink was water or milk. No soda. BTW, my husband during this time was away from home all week, so it was all left to me. The parents today are too pressured, as are the kids. Kids are not allowed to be kids anymore. They are 7 going on 70. I think it's time they get back to being normal kids. They need breathing room. I don't know who ever decided that the kids had to be in every sport, every club, every volunteer activity the school has, but it's crazy. Not all kids fit that mold and they shouldn't have to. Plus their grades are expected to be A's and B's, nothing less. Perfection is the norm and no one is perfect. What's wrong with this picture? I'll jump down from my soapbox now.

What do you do when your husband...sm [2008-11-25]
wont My parents got a divorce this year. My mom told my dad he could come and visit and eat and see us kids. Well my husband has said if he is going to come then I won I really want to spend thanksgiving with my husband but I can She has helped me too much. She does so much for me. More than anyone. So I am going. He said he don He also doesn So he won If my mother and us kids can tolerate my dad why can

Well, at least they're working to [2008-11-24]
support their children. Raising kids in this generation isn The pressure are on parents these days isn In addition to making sure our kids are well taken care of and that we attend the all important PTO meetings, baseball meetings, wrestling club meetings, soccer meetings, football meetings, dance recitals, cheerleading practice, on and on, we also must make sure our 1st and 2nd graders are doing their 1 hour worth of homework each evening and in addition to that make sure we are reading a book to them every night. These are the requirements now set by the schools. The parents must also deal with sex, drugs, and peer pressure at a much younger age than you probably did. Just last week, I had to explain to my second grader what a virgin was. Did he learn that word at home? No, he learned it on the bus because our school district decided to save money by busing all the kids together, high school through kindergarten. The meals you mention your GKs eating, that More than likely, your GKs won You seem very harsh on your kids, and IIs either one ofthe parents involved in their children Do you have any idea how much time that takes? Arethey struggling with finances? Were you a stay-at-home mom or work-at-home mom? Having to get kids ready in the morning and get yourself ready, then spend 8 hours a day working, only to come home and pick up the same kids and do homework with them is not an easy chore. More than likely, your DS and DDIL are tired. Instead of criticizing, why not ask where you can help? Maybe you could offer to make them dinner once a week after work. Give them an evening out without kids to just relax a little bit. I As for the kids But aren Maybe he Maybe mom and dad didn I, myself, grew up in a home where I had frozen pizza at least 2 or 3 times a week for supper. My mom worked nights and my dad didn If my mom could make us a meal before she left, she did. Frozen pizza didn I graduated high school at 140 pounds, normal for 5 tall. My mom and dad were there for everything for me, though, and it It Your words are so harsh and I just have to wonder, if you think they Is it because you know the children are well taken care of, just not up to your standards? Perhaps you should have a conversation with your DS and see what his impressions of your child-rearing of him were. Perhaps there were areas you could have improved on.

Wow! Was a nerve hit??? [2008-11-24]
I didnLeave it to Beaver. That's just not the case. By the end of the 1960s and into the 1970s the pendulum had started to swing so far toward women having careers that we were often belittled for choosing to be home with the children. Remember Hillary Clinton's cookie baking comment during her husband's first campaign? In fact, stay-at-home moms were the norm for only one brief period in our history right after WW II in the post war boom times. There was a pretty awful recession in the 1970s, and I remember gas rationing and long lines at the pumps. My mother had to work two jobs, and my father, who was in construction, was often one of the first to feel economic ups and downs in his paycheck. But we had dinner together every night at the kitchen table. Before the stay-at-home mothers of 1950's t.v. fame, most mothers worked. They had to. Only the very privileged stayed home and waited for Ward Cleaver to come home from the office. My grandmother, who lived to be 94, God bless her soul, was born in 1908. Her mother died during the great Spanish flu epidemic in 1918. My grandmother was the eldest of four children, and at the age of 10 she became the woman of the house. She stopped going to school so that she could cook and clean and took care of her father and siblings. And no one thought that was wrong. It was expected because there really weren't any government social services -- no welfare, no foster care. Eventually, when her father's depression over the loss of his wife became so great that he couldn't manage to bring home an income, people in the neighborhood just took over. The two eldest children went to live with other families. The two youngest went to an orphanage. My grandmother's father just drifted away and his children never saw him again. My grandmother married at age 20 and had four children during the depression. Talk about having it hard. When I was a young mother trying to make ends meet and I'd cry to my grandmother, she brought me around to reality. She told me what it was like for her to raise children during that time. Many a night she cried over whether or not she could even feed her children or if they would have a roof over their heads. And she wasn't alone. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, was in the same boat. The Great Depression was enormous. She and my grandfather worked wherever and whenever they could. They brought home a dollar or two at a time and fed their children buttermilk and potatoes. They didn't sleep, they worried all the time. Today, my grandmother's washboard hangs in my kitchen on the wall next to my dishwasher. It reminds me that I have no right to ever say that things are harder on us today. They aren't. Generally speaking, most Americans have so many more advantages, choices and opportunities than those who came before us. Yet many in my generation and the one or two generations behind me are just whiners and crybabies who don't think about the big picture. They even dare to say they have a harder time as parents today. Please. Not even close! Every generation seems to believe that, but just a short trip through a history book proves otherwise. I'm not that very old. But I've raised my children and I raised them well. I know what it takes to do that. It takes self-discipline, sacrifice and consistency. And you know what? That's exhausting. Parents today are tired. So what? All parents are tired. Offer it up, as the old nuns used to say. The kids have homework an hour a night. So what? They should have homework, and parents should make sure that it gets done, because education is important. There are parent-teacher meetings to attend, coaches association meetings, scout meetings, dance lessons, school recitals, etc. etc. etc. So what? Balance it out, quit what can't be done, do what can. Work because you have to. The kids have to be fed. It's still easier than it was a generation ago, two generations ago, three and on and on. We're parents to young ones for only a short time. Which reminds me, let's not forget about birth control. Most of us have 2-point-whatever children these days. I'm the youngest of 7. Most of the families in my neighborhood when I was growing up had 4 or more children. Today women can choose to have as many or as few children as they want. That means that we parent for far fewer years than the generations before us. I'm done with day-to-day parenting after just 20 years, and in fact, it got much easier on my day-to-day schedule once my boys were in high school. But my mother had children at home for 34 years. Imagine the number of cloth diapers for 7 children for year after year after year. Yes. I had it far easier, and I know it. So when I was exhausted raising my two boys, I just sucked it up and kept at it. The OP, I think, probably didn't want to be as blunt as I'm willing to be. She IS helping by babysitting her grandchildren while her children work. I'm sure she loves her children and grandkids, but I'm willing to bet that if she dared to say to her children the things I've posted, her children would react just as you did and she'd end up cut off from her family. To the OP: I hope it helped to vent a little, and I want you to know that I understand.