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You are such an important and beautiful person [2008-05-25]
It sounds like you have done a lot to try to keep this marriage together, but it seems obvious your husband is not interested in that. You need to take care of yourself. Forget about him. If he is not interested in having a relationship with you I would move on. I know it has to be heartbreaking when you love someone so much but they don't return the feelings. If it was me in your shoes I would start making preparation to move closer to family or friends and start a new life for myself. You sound so down on yourself and you need to realize you have done nothing to deserve this. Again, if it was me, I would take some classes that would help feel good about yourself like some cooking, dancing, art or whatever you like to do. I think your closest friends will be your best people to talk to. You said you just want to go home to your mom, dad and brother and be happy again and that is definitely what I would do. I think you know in your heart it will not work out and I am truly sorry you are going through this. I'd say pack up what is yours, and move on back home. Your family can be your greatest ally and strength. They will help you with whatever you are going through. Also remember, there are hundreds of men out there who would be happy to share a wonderful relationship with you. First though I would take care of yourself, learn about yourself, who you are as a person, what your needs and goals are in life and then go for it! You are a beautiful person and you deserve more happiness than what you are going through with him.
VERY IMPORTANT [2008-05-07]
It's VERY IMPORTANT that you teach your daughter that someone who treats her like this is not a true friend. I have taught my daughter to BE NICE TO EVERYBODY, but you DO NOT have to be everybody's best friend. I have told her what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Help her understand that it is disappointing, but the sooner she accepts that's the way this girl is, the happier she will be. Unfortunately my daughter had to learn the same lesson at that age and I have had to reiterate it to her this year in the 7th grade. It's OKAY to not be best friends with this girl, and that friends should not treat friends this way. It's all about boundaries.
This is very important.. [2008-03-11]
the cat should be an indoor cat ONLY!! It would never survive outside without any claws. I don I let my cat out on my balcony (under supervision) to blow the stink off him but he prefers to be in the house looking out the window.
Important to check source before posting/forwarding these types of emails and misinformation [2008-02-19]
Please, actually GO to www.snopes.com and read what they have to say about this negative e-email that has been circulating for months now. Right there at snopes, they debunk/clarify all of these mean-spirited accusations.
Specifically about it being factual and verified by snopes, it is NOT verified by them. Below I copied one paragraph from snopes.com but please go there read it in full so that you can hopefully choose not to pass on this Internet e-mail full of misinformation.
FROM snopes.com -
Variations: One version of the e-mail in circulation claims We were told this was checked out on and includes a link to this web site. It's our guess that whoever included that bit was counting on folks to not check, as our article says the opposite: that the polemic is not factual but rather is false.
Me again - Even if you do not care for Barack Obama, surely you do not wish to pass on lies or misinformation and engage in or extend the negative campaigning we all hope to NOT see much of... at least, I hope this is true, especially of people who talk about being Christian.
At least open your mind enough to read what Obama has to say about all of this misinformation. Between snopes.com and his own website, then make a decision whether or not to engage in actively passing on misinformation. Snopes is a great place to verify information that comes to all of us in these emails.
http://www.barackobama.com/factcheck/2007/11/12/obama_has_never_been_a_muslim_1.php
http://www.barackobama.com/factcheck/2007/11/12/obama_is_a_patriot.php
I sure hope all the good hearted folks on here won't flame me for encouraging us all to check things out before we post them or hit that FORWARD button.
Peace to ALL.
Time and love is more important than things. [2008-02-14]
I'm sure she would rather you welcome her phone calls than buy her a washer and dryer.
and another thing...I wasn't trying to make myself seem more important sm [2008-02-05]
I was just saying reliable because I knew this stuff could very well be true - nothing to do with me personally. Get a grip - and I know who you are from your name. Shame on you.
IMPORTANT ADDENDUM: Please read (sm) [2007-12-24]
The Xbox 360 console supports only the Xbox 360 Wireless Networking Adapter and Xbox Live Compatible wireless-to-Ethernet bridges, routers, and gateways bearing the Xbox Live Compatible logo.
If you can not get the Xbox live wireless adapter, You could buy a very long ethernet cord and just plug directly into the router without going wireless.......
You have to confront him. Your health and well being are most important. [2007-12-18]
I believe people know they are gay from a young age. Some might be confused about it, but, by adulthood, they know they are gay. I cannot imagine a straight guy watching gay porn or, worse yet, seeking gay escorts. He's gay.
It's not really as important to me as it is to you. [2007-12-12]
Why don't you take your misdirected anger and put it where it belongs instead of being mean and rude to people on the Internet who have done NOTHING to you!!! Now I remember why I stopped coming to MT Stars and that's because of rude people like YOU.
I am for them. They are an important reminder [2007-11-19]
Although they are considered areligious symbol, it should not offend atheists to see them on the side of the road. This is America, land of many religions, and how someone wants to honor a loved one that has passed is their business in my opinion. They are free to be atheists and should allow others their freedom as well.
Freedom first and most important [2007-10-01]
My husband has only danced with me ONCE during our entire (more than two-decade) marriage and that was under extreme pressure from his buddies (we were out with a group of friends, mostly couples).
I lost my identity for a long time but after YEARS of marriage I am starting to get it back. Baby steps, but little by little...
It's important to know these things [2007-09-26]
You'd know if you hadn't had a BM in 5 days or if you hadn't peed in an entire day. (I'm not suggesting people are writing these things down, I'm just sayin'...) Both might signal that something wasn't right. Periods that are not right in frequency definitely can signal things not right with the body. I think it's a great practice and will do so when my 3 start with their periods. I have PCOS, so I'm a little anal about it, but I so wished someone would have taken notice when I was a teen and showing many signs of it.
Why is the lifestyle more important? [2007-09-24]
He is a me type person. I have a grown daughter just like that. He is only thinking of himself and what he wants. This is the difference in my martial situation- if my husband wanted to move somewhere else I would go with him in a minute, no question. I love my home but I love him more. The statement about the other woman would probably make me feel a little uneasy because I feel if you are saying things like that, how do I know you are not acting on them? I have a cousin spent loads of time hunting, going to all kinds of meetings of things he was involved with, had 2 almost grown sons, left his wife of 30+ years, had met another woman and gave up a paid for 4 bedroom brick home to live with this woman in a trailer… It happens.
Not together I hope.. you could burn something important LOL [2007-08-14]
If you're asking and the love is long gone, it's time. Make copies of all important papers, [2007-07-06]
s
Some important questions [2007-07-06]
Are there people around who can look in on the grandparents and get back with you? If I were unable to get in touch with grandparents, aunts, siblings or the like and had always been able to, I would contact the police to get them to intervene. I would think they could check up just to ease your mind and make sure they are ok. Oh, by the way, you might text or leave message on cousins phones since you are unable to hear from them this is your plan-- It is surprising how putting this out there will get the attention you are wanting. I just recently got some wonderful results from a person not responding to my emails, realtor to be exact- told him what I planned on doing, no need for him to reply, 4th email and that afternoon a phone call and an email. Works wonders!
Health care is important, but.. [2007-07-03]
Anybody see the movie Sicko yet? Important movie! [2007-07-02]
//
Make sure you have copies of all important papers, addresses for mortgage, insurance, etc. [2007-06-02]
s
IMPORTANT - drivers licenses for 2008 [2007-05-12]
With the new laws implemented by the Homeland Security Act, to get a driver's license. state ID, or passport you will need to have the following:
Birth certificate
Original social security card issued by social security admin.
If married, you must have tracking of your name, which means you must have copies of all your marriage licenses so everything can be verified.
You will not be able to board a plane or go into any federal building unless you get the new ID or drivers
Start early to collect all the data you need.
Also, I would urge you to contact your federal senators and congressmen to have them repeal this act.
Eyes are important. Why not make [2007-03-17]
an appointment? If the cause is just allergies and rubbing, maybe they will give you an Rx for allergy drops if eye itchiness is your main problem. Or you could try using an oral antihistamine and avoid rubbing your eyes and see if they improve. Get some Refresh Liquigel lubricant eye drops by Allergan.
It is important to note, however, that the majority of high-risk HPV infections go away on .. [2007-02-04]
their own and do not cause cancer (2). (Selected References)
2. Munoz N, Bosch FX, DE Sanjosé S, et al. Epidemiologic classification of human papillomavirus types associated with cervical cancer. New England Journal of Medicine 2003; 348(6):518–527.
Publications (available at http://www.cancer.gov/publications)
attitude: going to the Christmas program with hate in your heart. More important you watch that,sm [2006-12-14]
than your kids still believe in a mythical fat man who brings presents.
There is usually a little button that doesnt look important that turns the LCD on and off [2006-11-20]
I know my Sony does as does my brothers that is a different brand
Good Luck !!!!
MOST IMPORTANT!!!! [2006-11-20]
x
DOG BITE [2008-07-03]
I find this whole complete thread disturbing. This woman was coming here to vent her frustration and was basically attacked. How sad!!!
I am sorry for your child. It is a terrible incident that I hope you win in court.
Dog owners have a responsibility to take proper care of their dog along with keeping it on a leash. When you take on a pet you take on ALL INCIDENTS that this pet causes. If this dog had torn up property, not a child, and they just offered a couple of dollars for repairs, I would hope that something would be done to get the full amount. yes this is a child which to me seems a little bit more important than property. I would think they should be responsible for the whole $800.
I want to know why who ever it was stated that she should get a fence in her yard? It is not her responsiblity to keep this dog out. It is the owners responsibility to keep their dog on a leash and under their control at all times.
My suggestion would be EVERY single time this dog is loose you call the police or animal control until something is done. In Indiana there is a three strikes and your dog is out law basically. Call animal control and tell them about this neighborhood dog and your daughter. I would really suprise me if it is not picked up.
Good Luck.
Also, in the US, you can sue anyone for anything at anytime. That is the law. It is not like this woman and child are suing over nothing. A dog bite is a serious incident. This dog could potentially kill a small child.
A friend of mine's mom has small dogs (under 10 pounds). One recently bit her child in a serious bite. The dog actually went for her 4 year olds neck!! Her mom was right there when it happened. The child did nothing wrong but bend down to pet the dog. Small dogs can do damage too.
This one has struck a chord with me. [2008-07-03]
I have been an assistant scoutmaster for 8 years now. Yes, I am a mom, and there are women scout leaders out there! My job with our troop was Webelos-to-Scout Transition Coordinator. My job was to help our youngest boys and their families become part of our troop and to make sure that the boys have fun and get all that they can from the scout experience. Summer camp was always the make or break time for the youngest boys. You didn't say if your son is a new scout, but I assume this is his first time at summer camp. Homesickness and living in the outdoors are always the biggest hurdles during the first summer camp.
You are not over-reacting because your son is having a bad time. That's a simple fact, and he deserves to have those feelings validated and addressed. Since I'm female, I tend to approach the first-time scout's misery in a different way, and over the years, a lot of men have disagreed with my methods. But, they work. Men seem to like the stick-it-out approach, and I've seen some of the worst leaders actually tease and belittle homesick boys or boys who don't take easily to the outdoor experience. That really finishes off the boy for scouting. He quits. Do you think that is what is happening with your son?
At summer camp with our first year scouts, I always listen to them, validate their fears, and then try to help them overcome their fears with knowledge. If spiders or animals scare them, we go to the nature lodge and find out all about them. We do a good cleaning of their tents or lean-toWell, it I and my fellow adult leaders have spent a lot of nights sitting around picnic tables talking to scouts, sometimes making a game of listening for owls or watching spiders crawl across the table in the lantern light. And if boys do call home, I would run like crazy to the camp phone to call the parents first to let them know what was going on and to tell them to expect a call from their son. In that way, parents were prepared, and we could coordinate our efforts to help their son.
Basically, it just takes some compassion. The hard core approach doesn't work.
Why do I go through all the trouble? Because I know the value of the scouting program. When it's done well, it goes a long way to help parents raise up honorable men. In our troop, our scouts learn to be compassionate, because we've modeled that sort of behavior for them. They learn about living in the outdoors, and learn to take care of themselves and others. That gives them a sense of accomplishment and makes them feel capable. They learn problem-solving skills and teamwork. These are all important life skills, and when scouting is done well, boys who come through are lightyears ahead of most of their non-scout peers by the time they are 18.
But that only happens when it's done right. There are great troops and adult volunteers in the BSA, but there are unfortunately some real losers, as well. It's true that scouting is not for everyone, but there is no reason for so many boys to be pushed away because of issues that just need a little careful thought and attention. This is one of my most passionate issues with scouting. Even the BSA knows that the first year scout is the most likely to quit, and they spend a lot of money and time training volunteers on this subject. It seems that some adults don't learn as quickly as others, though. And there is a core of leaders who like to remember what it was like when they were boy scouts, and won't move ahead or adapt their techniques for the boy of today's times. A new 11-year-old scout should not be expected to act like a man and tough it out. He's still a boy, and living in the woods is usually a totally new experience for him. MOST boys are scared at first, but the men and other boys hate to admit it. A new scout just needs some patience, understanding and time to mature. He needs to feel safe even when he's struggling, and he needs to know that he is supported.
I don't know all the details of your son's experience, but if you think that what I've said might apply to him, you might consider looking for another troop, one that will provide him with a good, supportive program. Not all scout troops are the same. Each has a different personality, so perhaps another troop would suit your son better. If that's not possible, or if at this point he is completely turned off by scouting, there are certainly other activities out there that can teach him the things that are learned through scouting. Encourage him to find out what his talents are and help him to explore all of the possibilities that life has to offer.
I'm so sorry to hear that your son is not enjoying scouts. It really breaks my heart when I hear such stories, because I know that the adult volunteers could handle the situation better. My own sons had a hard time the first time they went to camp, which is why I got involved. I knew there was a better way to deal with such a common problem. My oldest, who is now 20, still works with scouts, and my youngest will receive his Eagle Scout rank in just a couple of weeks. I have seen many, many boys' lives changed for the better by the scouting program, including my own sons. I hope that your son can also have a great experience in scouting.
I'm always happy to talk about scouting, and if you'd like to send me a private message, I'd be glad to share more of my thoughts on the subject.
I don't mind at all that you sent my email along. [2008-07-03]
There is plenty of training material available to scout leaders on the transition period and how to help the boys stay in scouting. There are videos, training sessions run by people like me, written material, etc. It's out there. It's just hard to get it through some of the leaders' brains that the boys need to be treated like boys in transition, and not like army recruits. I really applaud you for being willing to go out on the trips with the troop. That is also a hard thing to do with so many men around. I looked very carefully when my boys were crossing over to scout troops. We are fortunate in our area to have many troops to choose from. We found a great troop headed by mostly even-thinking adults who had no problem with a woman joining them. It's not perfect, and every now and then, some sexist fool says or does something stupid, but nothing is ever insurmountable in that regard. Know that having women leaders is a unit option, which means that the chartering organization can decide that no girls are allowed, so to speak. This is sometimes done for religious reasons. Other times it's just sort of a tacit tradition. I didn't have to overcome that issue, and in fact, when it was discovered that I had been camping all my life and was an avid solo backpacker, I got the job of teaching the boys about backpacking, too. Our troop welcomed all volunteers who were willing to be trained and who could commit to helping the boys.
I do hope it works out for your son. If you do join as a leader, be sure that you take advantage of all the training opportunities available to you. Your troop should have a training coordinator or advancement chair who knows when training is offered. (By the way, are the adult leaders of this troop fully trained? That's VERY IMPORTANT.) As a GSUSA leader, you should understand the value of training. The Girl Scouts really do a great job of requiring leaders to be trained. BSA councils and districts, however, sometimes vary on how strict they are on training requirements. Don't be afraid to help out. You're doing this for your son, and that really is a great motivator. And what's really cool is that most of us start out wanting to help our own sons, but in the process we help so many other boys and parents along the way.
Good luck!
Is this inconsiderate or what? [2008-07-03]
My son-in-law stopped by our house on the way to work this morning. My hubby was pulling out of the driveway and I saw him give a bag to my husband and he left. My hubby brought the bag to me and said I was told to give this to you until tonight. He said my SIL was going to have a surprise for our daughter this evening after work at a local restaurant but didn I opened the bag and there was ice cream and pickles inside (?). Well, the first thing we thought of was pregnant and needless to say, our first grandchild, the look on our face was shock, disappointment, and happiness at the same time. We just stood there staring at each other, wondering what the **** was going on. My hubby went on to work and called a few minutes later, saying my SIL had text messaged him and said for me nor my husband to call OUR daughter or him today. I have sat in tears most of the day. That jerk (and he is a jerk) just told us our daughter is expecting our grandchild but not to talk to her today. What is the surprise about? He already knows, SHE already knows, we already know. So I guess you have to know my SIL to know he is a controlling person.....my daughter just hasn My husband has been so upset all day about this. Shouldn We are told by him to keep this inside all day. They are going to see his parents tomorrow at their lakehouse and I suppose tell them together, even though I have a feeling he This is a day my husband and I should be so gloriously happy and we feel sad too. We don I have just seen my daughter and she said nothing and I can This is my baby having a baby and we don Our son was here and saw what we saw and he was so happy to be an uncle, grinning from ear to ear, but can I have to say I am so angry with him right now. You have to know how controlling he has been. My daughter wouldn Are you kidding? What sick pleasure does he get from spoiling all this for us by it not coming from her, the pregnant one, standing there. Our child.
We still don After all, they already know, we already know, so why haven I have to say my husband is so upset by this right now, he has called from work several times today and could not even focus on an important meeting this morning. To be honest, I am not at all sure how I will react once we are together this evening. Is this just a dumb way of doing this or has anyone else had this happen like this? We are just dumbfounded about it all and think this is avery cruel way of doing this.
Ever say the wrong thing [2008-06-22]
Ever say the wrong thing, and you realize as your talking trying to say something that would make them feel better that that what your saying doesn’t quite sound right so you keep trying to explain and it just gets worse and worse.
Today I was talking to someone whose wife has cancer and she started chemo a few weeks ago. I’m always caring as my mom had cancer so I know a bit of what they are going through, but of course I don’t want to say that because it would sound as though what they are going through is not that important compared to what my mom went through (which of course is not true – I love both these people). Anyway…last night his wife passed out and they had to bring her to ER (she’s better and was released). He told me it gave him a scare and made him realize how fragile life is. I told him that’s true. He then was laughing and said something in regards to life isn’t forever and we all have to move on but nobody ever wants to (or something like that) and he was laughing about it (he’s not a very serious person and usually laughs at everything), and I told him that reminded me of a movie I saw called Kingdom of Heaven when someone said you don’t’ seem upset that I’ve killed your master and the guy said to him “it was his time to go”. Talk about knowing immediately that was one of the stupidest things I could have said and I’m sure sounded insensitive. So, I tried to think of something less equally stupid to say (if such a thing was possible). But I told him sometimes its really depressing typing reports all day because there are so many people with such serious illness that it just get depressing typing them all day. Then I was thinking to myself that that made it sound as though what she is going through isn’t as important as everyone else. Not quite sure if all this was in my mind as I’m sensitive to others feelings and always want to say the right things so they will feel better (even though it may not always come out that way). I ended the conversation letting him know that what they were going through is very hard and that I was glad his wife was better and tell her that I’m thinking of her and wishing them the best. He said in an upbeat tone, thanks I will. He didn’t seem upset, but it was just a very awkward conversation and I wanted to get off before I said anything else. I don’t think he took offense to what I was saying but in these circumstances you never know and it just proved to myself that from now on its better to keep my mouth shut and not sound stupid than to say anything that makes me look so. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and do you think I’m being oversensitive. From now on a simple concerned and understanding “uh-hum” will be in my vocabulary.
Eeek [2008-06-19]
As a person who worked with a trainer for a long time, please dongame all the time. Thatdon don) etc. is all attention whether good or bad. Dogs will do what they know gets them the most attention, good or bad.
I hope that she learns soon. She's still pretty little, so just take her out a lot and try to make it a fun game she's playing and be excited... I hope that helps.
After my divorce [2008-06-18]
and my 45th birthday, it seems like everything changed for me. Things I thought were important, aren't anymore. I don't care about what I have, I'm more interested in what I've done, or more specifically, haven't done yet. Even my politics have changed some. Life changes you. Its like Character Remodeling as we mature.
I've always been suspect of anyone over 45 who tells me that they have no regrets in life. Have they lived life with eyes wide open? Nothing could have been made better?
In some ways, if you aren't evolving and changing, is it possible that you are not living? Great question.
I would have to say I used to think I just had to have a s/m [2008-06-17]
boyfriend or husband, but trust me, that has changed. Now (in the past 12 years) I have come to find that if a relationship does not compliment my life and make it better for the most part, it is better left alone. The older I got the less willing I am to compromise on things that are really important to me, and the less willing I became to take the constant emotional ups and downs. Thanks for the question. That was a good one!
If you would like to further educate yourself on this issue [2008-06-12]
INTERESTING ARTICLE
I realize this is very long, but as an expert in this field, I want to re-post information I sent, in September, to another blogger concerned about the Best Friends summit.
I want to emphasize that the following information is based on years of dedicated research, and decades of dog training experience. I do not simply pass along information I've heard or read somewhere...which is sadly what most people, on all sides of dog-related issues, do.
I recognize that some of your readers may find parts of it quite controversial. That's okay. Facts are facts, even if they conflict with some other [expert's] unresearched opinions.
As such, I've opted to leave those sections in, because they're vital in refuting unfounded notions about dogs, canine genetics, and dog behaviour, which lead to myths about canine aggression.
Any individual point of controversy should not take away from the overall message of fact and reason that does not support the view that any entire dog breed could be considered dangerous.
Only once people stop repeating inaccurate information (no matter how good it may sound), will we ever hope to get to the heart of this issue, and start reducing the number of unprovoked dog bites.
The following was written off the top of my head, in response to concerns about the Best Friends' agenda. It is not a composed article meant for publication. Please also keep in mind, it has a decidedly Canadian perspective, although there is ample U.S. data referenced.
This is what I wrote (with a few minor clarifications):
Dear (blogger),
As you know, I am an expert in Canadian dog bite statistics.
After years of research, there are a number of interesting facts I right here, in one place.
The situation with unprovoked dog bites is not what nearly everyone believes it to be.
If I had one pet peeve, it is that most people merely repeat things they’ve heard or read. They don’t really know if what they’re saying is true or not. They merely “believe” those things to be true, and that’s enough for them, I guess.
You know what I say, “No matter how often or loudly a myth is repeated, it is still just a myth.”
Some people simply like agreeing with others. Some like to pretend they’re especially knowledgeable or have unique insight. Whatever the source for so many of these myths, years of research has proven the majority of beliefs I encounter about dogs are simply untrue.
Whenever discussing the issue of dangerous dogs, it's always important to remember a few key points about the dog bite statistics (especially as they pertain to Canada):
1. The most dangerous breeds in Canada are, in order: German Shepherd, Cocker Spaniel, Rottweiler, and Golden Retriever.
Why do I say this? Well, this is not dog bite data, but rather dog attack data based on the reporting information from the Canadian Hospital Injury Reporting and Prevention Program (CHIRPP).
The CHIRPP members (hospitals, and reporting physicians and nurses) have no reason to lie about the information they receive, surrounding the breed of dog that has attacked.
Why do I say the most dangerous? Well, because the CHIRPP data only applies to the most severe dog attacks (i.e. those injuries serious enough to require treatment in hospital). These are not little nips that can be treated with ice or even a band aid. These are severe dog bite injuries that need to be treated in hospital. The dogs that cause the most serious injuries in Canada belong to the above-mentioned breeds, more than any others.
Unlike municipal dog bite data (where any bite, no matter how inconsequential, or even against other animals, is counted), the CHIRPP data only relates to the most serious dog attacks against human victims.
2. 'Pit bulls' are rarely in the #1 spot in dog bite statistics.
Any measures to restrict or ban the #2, #5, or #37 'breed' of dog in the dog bite statistics, but not #1, is pure hypocrisy.
As faulty as the logic may be, if you're going to ban or restrict a type of dog in an attempt to reduce the number of dog bites, then it must be the ones who bite the most and/or cause the most serious injuries. Either way, that 'breed' is not 'pit bulls'.
3. There hasn't been one confirmed death of a child attributed to an unprovoked attack by a 'pit bull' in Canadian history. (There has been one unconfirmed death.)
4. The very first human fatality attributed to an unprovoked attack by a 'pit bull' in Canadian history occurred in May of 2006. Until then, every insinuation or claim about Canadians being in danger of being killed in unprovoked attacks by 'pit bulls' was totally unfounded.
(In the Ontario case in May, the dog was actually only part 'pit bull'. It was a Labrador Retriever/'pit bull' cross, and the dog's owner was the victim.) (It should be noted that there have been at least two human fatalities in Canada attributed to unprovoked attacks by Labrador Retriever crosses, yet this was the first for a 'pit bull' cross.)
5. Municipal dog bite statistics often combine reported dog bite data against both humans and other animals.
While I don’t have any problems with doing so, those citing combined statistics must be aware that the majority of the dog bite reports aren’t against people. To imply otherwise is, at best, misleading and, at worst, dishonest.
For example: Toronto has arguably the largest municipal ‘pit bull’ population in Canada. In 2004, 12 of the city’s estimated 30,000+ ‘pit bulls’ had been reported for biting. (That’s about 0.04% of the population, by the way; leaving 99.96% of Toronto’s ‘pit bulls’ completely innocent of such allegations.) However, the majority of those reported bites were against other animals. Only 2 of the 12 could even begin to be called “attacks” against humans.
So, when 2 out of at least 30,000 dogs of a loosely-defined type are involved in attacks in an entire year, is that really justification for not just trying to ban or restrict them, but for making sweeping generalizations about all the rest?
6. No matter what dog ‘breed’ tops the dog bite statistics, the vast majority of bites are still attributed to other breeds.
To better help people understand the absurdity of a breed-based approach to dog bite prevention, let’s imagine that ‘pit bulls’ are responsible for a virtually unheard of 10% of bites in some Canadian city. That still leaves 90% of biting dogs unaffected by any breed-based approach.
This is the primary reason why breed bans have been such a colossal failure wherever they’ve been tried. The majority of biting and attacking dogs are not affected, so their owners are free to continue to behave negligently.
7. All dogs can bite.
There is no such thing as a breed of dog that has never bitten, never attacked, never maimed, or never killed (a person or other animal).
8. It is the size of the victim, not the dog, which best predicts severity of injury in an attack.
While even the very smallest dog breeds have killed humans, the very largest dog breeds are rarely involved in attacks.
9. Adults are rarely seriously injured by dogs of any size, while children are the most common dog bite victims. Their attackers range from the very smallest to the very largest dog breeds.
10. The dogs actually involved in attacks are not genetically related in any meaningful way.
This goes right to the heart of common, yet completely unscientific, baseless claims about allegedly inheriting aggressive behaivours or being bred for aggression.
In short, the dogs involved in attacks are not closely genetically related to one another. This tends to refute the idea that the attack was due to some aberrant inherited gene.
Think about it. What could the Dalmatian that bit off a boy’s nose 10 years ago and the Golden Retriever that left 76 stitches in a girl’s face, just a few years ago, possibly have in common, from a genetic standpoint? Is anyone really trying to suggest they’re genetically related, and both inherited some sort of as-yet-undiscovered “attack gene”?
Even the Rottweiler that killed a child in New Brunswick and the Rottweiler that killed a child in Ontario don’t share any common ancestors in their pedigrees; making the whole notion of a shared genetic cause for attacks completely ludicrous.
Put simply, the individual dogs involved in unique attack incidents are not genetically related in any way other than that which makes them dogs.
11. Psychology defines aggression as learned behaviour.
I’ve been researching dog biting incidents since 1999. I have yet to find a dog involved in an attack that didn’t have a known history of aggressive behaviour.
Aggression has to be learned and practiced before it is perfected. I have yet to come across a case of a dog that attacked unprovoked, without ever having barked menacingly, growled, lunged, snapped, or what have you.
This completely refutes the (quite silly) urban myth that “some dogs just turn”, or that dogs can be THIS unpredictable. (i.e. friendly family pet with no history of ever having behaved aggressively one minute; then savage, unprovoked attacker the next)
As an experienced dog trainer (one who has spent many of those years SUCCESSFULLY re-training aggressive dogs), I can attest that dogs are not all that unpredictable. Sure, they might do something out of the ordinary, every now and then. However, for a dog to suddenly behave aggressively in a way that is truly threatening or injurious, it must have practiced those behaviours in the past. This is the nature of all learned behaviours. Only practice makes perfect. (I can elaborate more on that, if you wish.)
It’s as though people can’t imagine any other form of aggressive behaviour, other than biting. To help them along, I must point out that aggressive behaviours follow a fairly predictable scale of escalation. It may begin with staring or raised hackles (all merely indicating discomfort with a situation). That can lead to raised lips, growling, stiffened body posture, menacing barking, lunging, and attempted bites. Long before an unwarranted bite ever occurs, there are a litany of warning signs that the dog will eventually bite.
Even the most die-hard dog fighting breeders admit they have to start their puppies very young (often at six weeks), to turn them into superior fighters. When asked why they have to spend so much effort training their (allegedly bred-to-fight) dogs, none can provide a scientifically or practically sensible response. Most use made-up terminologies to emphasize what they believe are inherited traits, while playing down the daily training they force on the dogs. Yet it is clear that, without this ongoing encouragement, the dogs don’t become proficient fighters.
I’ve researched so many cases where the owner has allegedly claimed the attack was the first time the dog behaved aggressively, I now pay little heed to such statements. The neighbours almost always tell a very different story.
To use a more famous case as an example, little Courtney Trempe was killed by a dog the owner claimed had never behaved aggressively before. The owner went on to say he “couldn’t have known” the dog would attack, because it had never tried to bite a person. Well, it turns out the dog had not just attacked previously, but had actually killed two neighbourhood dogs in the past. That is an aggressive dog, by anyone’s standards.
But it does bring me to my next point…
12. Aggression is aggression is aggression. The idea that aggression can be species-specific is not based in any kind of scientific, statistical, or practical data. It seems to be little more than wishful thinking. Those perpetuating this notion tend not to have even attempted to validate this theory in any way.
There is a very disturbing myth being promulgated by a number of groups that should know better than to perpetuate unfounded myths. The idea that aggression towards other dogs is markedly different than aggression towards humans is scientifically and statistically baseless. (But I realize a lot of people learned this myth, and repeat it as though it is true.) I have to point out that the real-world data, in no uncertain terms, clearly refutes such theories.
Of the dogs involved in their first aggression incident towards a human, the vast majority had behaved aggressively towards other animals (usually other dogs) in the past.
Of the dogs involved in their first bites against humans, where the dog had no history of aggression towards humans, the majority had behaved aggressively towards other animals (usually other dogs) in the past.
Of the dogs whose first bite against a person resulted in that individual’s death, and where the dog had no history of aggressive behaviour towards humans, every one of the cases I’ve investigated involved dogs that had behaved aggressively towards other dogs in the past. (see the Trempe case example, above)
So, while some aggressive dogs may, for now, limit their aggressive behaviour to other animals, it in no way guarantees it will remain that way forever.
Most, if not all, the first-time human biters had only behaved aggressively towards other animals, in the past. Their owners, having believed the myth that aggression is species-specific in dogs, are always surprised when their dog-aggressive dogs bite someone.
Again, dog-aggression could remain contained, for a number of social and environmental reasons. Statistically, these dogs are equally as likely to bite a human, one day. Dogs with histories of aggressive behaviour (towards either humans or other animals) are almost exclusively involved in unprovoked biting incidents.
13. Nearly all unprovoked dog bites would not be prevented by dog control laws.
Since dog control laws typically only apply to the conduct of owners (and their dogs) when they’re on public property, it completely negates their ability to affect the circumstances that lead to the vast majority of unprovoked dog bites.
When it comes to total dog bite numbers, almost all take place on the owner’s property.
When it comes to reported dog bite numbers, the overwhelming majority take place on, or directly adjacent to, the owner’s property.
Supervised dogs in a public place account for less than 1% of all bites.
This makes public restraint laws especially ineptly-aimed and ineffective in reducing dog bites.
Most unprovoked biting incidents involve (typically an unsupervised) dog known to the victim. Whether or not the victim knows the dog, the bite usually takes place on the owner’s property (where the dog is either loose or tethered), or directly adjacent to the owner’s property (where the dog was either allowed to venture off the owner’s property, or “escaped”).
Very few unprovoked biting incidents involve a supervised dog. Simple supervision appears to be very effective in preventing dog bites.
When bites take place far from the owner’s property, the dogs involved were most likely loose, roaming, unsupervised dogs.
Simply put, public restraint laws don’t target the situations that actually lead to unprovoked dog bites.
14. Cities that address the real causes of unprovoked dog bites (i.e. lack of supervision & lack of socialization and training) are hugely successful in reducing the number of dog bites.
Calgary is the best example we have in Canada. They reduced dog bites by 70%, even during a period where the population doubled.
Calgary’s approach was to first enforce existing laws. They strictly enforce licensing, and boast a licensing rate of 90% (compared to most cites’ 10-20%). In this way, they have a better handle on the dog population in their community, which helps in making decisions and drawing conclusions.
They also have a zero tolerance policy for acts of aggression. (Something I’m personally totally in favour of. Dogs are not weapons, and anyone who unethically uses a dog for that purpose shouldn’t be allowed to own one.) Any report of aggressive behaviour of any kind results in a visit from animal control and a warning.
City officials are clear, in that they agree one of the biggest aspects of their success was the creation of ample off-leash areas for dogs to be exercised, socialized, and trained off-leash. With reportedly the largest number of off-leash parks in Canada, it’s no coincidence that Calgary also has the lowest dog bite rate of any major city in Canada.
Several years ago, I made this prediction, “When the studies are done, we’ll find the cities with the best access to off-leash parks are also the cities with the lowest percentage of dog bites.”
Calgary certainly suggests my prediction was correct.
Finally, Calgary increased the penalties for some transgressions. Combined with increased enforcement, the large percentage of licensed dogs, along with the higher fines, has led to Calgary’s animal control department becoming financially self-sufficient.
It’s win, win, win, in Calgary, all because they addressed the real causes for unwarranted aggression in dogs.
15. Breed-specific approaches to dog bite prevention have failed.
There isn’t one region that can claim a reduction in the number, or severity, of dog bites as a direct result of banning a breed of dog.
In Winnipeg, officials promoting the city’s long-time ban on ‘pit bulls’ often misleads the public by stating “’pit bull’ attacks” have been eliminated. Well of course they’ve been eliminated. ‘Pit bulls’ are banned in Winnipeg. You don’t have to be rocket scientist to figure that out. There are also no wooly mammoth attacks or saber toothed tiger attacks, either.
When Winnipeg banned ‘pit bulls’, German Shepherds, and their crosses, were far and away the most common biters in that city. After ‘pit bulls’ were banned, there was an average of close to 50 more bites per year, for the following decade. In addition to the rise in overall dog bites, the number of bites by German Shepherds and crosses, Labrador Retrievers and crosses, Terriers crosses, and Rottweilers and crosses, skyrocketed.
Kitchener is another example. The city of Kitchener banned ‘pit bulls’ in 1997, without ever having done an analysis on the city’s dog bite data. Only after ‘pit bulls’ were banned was it discovered they were #8 in the 1996 dog bite statistics, “right behind #7 Poodles,” as it is commonly said. In what could only be a deliberate attempt to mislead the public, officials immediately halted the collection of dog bite data by breed.
Even so, while we don’t know which breeds have been doing the biting, we can still determine if the ‘pit bull’ ban has been effective in reducing dog bites in Kitchener. Every animal bite is required, by law, to be reported to the Medical Officer of Health. With a sleuthing, it was discovered that dog bites haven’t been reduced at all, since ‘pit bulls’ were banned in 1997. They’ve remained pretty constant.
According to a BBC report, hospitalizations due to dog bites rose 25% after ‘pit bulls’ were banned in England.
Officials from most of the cities that have repealed breed-specific laws have used terms like “ineffective” and “unenforceable”.
16. All dog breeds are genetically identical. Even DNA can’t distinguish between a Chihuahua, a ‘pit bull’, a Great Dane, and a wolf. (Yes, while there are occasional claims of in-roads, in this area, using markers, all dogs are still considered genetically identical.)
Those rare individuals with the personal expertise necessary to accurately attempt to determine a dog’s breed based on appearance alone typically are not employed in the various occupations charged with enforcing most breed-specific legislation. This leaves the subjective determination of a dog’s breed to the very inexpert animal control and shelter workers. In some cases, police officers must decide the dog’s breed, yet not one police officer is trained to (accurately) differentiate between dog breeds.
The same can be said of veterinarians. A veterinary license infers expertise in diagnosing and treating illness, for the most part. Neither practicing veterinarians nor veterinary students are required to prove any expertise in breed identification in order to obtain a license. Any expertise an individual veterinarian may possess, in terms of breed identification, or even dog training and behaviour, was most likely acquired outside the requirements of licensing.
Because the people enforcing breed-specific laws are not dog breed identification experts, the likelihood of misidentification is unconscionably great. (In Ontario, several dogs have already been misidentified, under breed-specific ordinances.)
17. The public is not in danger of unprovoked dog bites.
For instance, every recent dog-related fatality in Canada has involved dogs and victims residing within the same home. The same could be said for the majority of bites and attacks, as well.
This is VERY IMPORTANT information, in terms of quelling the public’s hysteria. “The public” is rarely involved in unprovoked biting incidents. Most bite victims knew the dog and were voluntarily interacting with it at the time of the bite. Most bite victims are bitten by their own dogs.
If you don’t own a dog, your risk of being bitten is very low. If you also don’t interact with dogs, or live next door to a dog that is routinely left unsupervised, or one that is known to behave aggressively, then your risk of being bitten is virtually nil.
Even when we don’t account for contributing factors (such as proximity) you are still more than 100 times more likely to be hit by lightning than killed by a dog. (In Canada, the likelihood of being killed by a dog you don’t know or live with is virtually zero.)
18. ‘Pit bulls’ are, if anything, less likely to bite.
In the U.S., ‘pit bulls’ are estimated to make up 9% of the dog population, yet they typically only make up 2-4% of dog bites, nationwide. In case your readers don’t understand what that means, it would be expected, purely on population alone, that 9% of dog bites would be attributed to ‘pit bulls’. Since less than half (even a third) of bites are reportedly caused by ‘pit bulls’, this suggests they’re much less likely to bite than should be expected.
19. ‘Pit bulls’ are less likely to kill than people.
In the U.S., even extremely conservative estimates suggest that only 0.00002% of the ‘pit bull’ population has killed. This is much lower than the human population (men, in particular).
Whatever someone’s views about ‘pit bulls’ might be, it can’t change the fact that at least 99.99998% have never, and will never, kill anyone.
20. 99.9% of all dogs, from all breeds, will never be involved in an attack.
Huge generalizations about dog breeds is not only unscientific, it’s not even practically accurate. I like to put it this way, “If any ‘breed’ were genetically programmed to attack, certainly more than 0.1% of them would.”
21. The media.
While I don’t want to get into a protracted discussion about the lack of honesty in media reports of dog bites, I will summarize by saying that reviewing media reports of dog biting incidents is not “research” because the media is extremely biased in regards to which stories it chooses to cover.
The media reports dog biting incidents involving ‘pit bulls’ to the near-exclusion of all others. In addition, they use other tactics to exaggerate the details, such as salacious language, or references to other dog biting incidents involving ‘pit bulls’.
There are countless incidents of media bias. In Ontario, a ‘pit bull’ killed another dog, and it was front-page news, that reappeared in the media for weeks. The owner was swiftly taken to jail. Around the same time, two Labs killed another dog, and attacked a ‘pit bull’ without any real media interest. The owner of the Labs was not charged with any serious offence.
There are other blatant incidents, as well. One weekend, two off-leash dogs (one of them being a ‘pit bull’) got into a squabble, and every major media agency reported the incident. That same weekend, a child was mauled by the family’s Golden Retriever, and not one media outlet covered the story.
A child was mauled so savagely by his grandfather’s Labrador Retriever, he required treatment at two Ontario hospitals. Only one media outlet covered this story in just one broadcast.
Again, relying on the media for the facts of dog biting cases is not advised.
Naturally, I could go on. But there you have a pretty good primer (off the top of my head), regarding the facts about the who, what, where, when, how, and why dogs bite unprovoked.
Because I kept encountering the same story, over and over and over again, in my research of dog biting incidents, I was led to create a dog bite prevention strategy that deals with the factors common to nearly all the cases I’d investigated.
I made it simple, and easy to remember. And I made sure not to include anything that would require an individual to develop some kind of expertise. People who don’t own dogs or aren’t experienced dog trainers still have a right to protect themselves from unprovoked dog bites. The following is what I call, the “3 Simple Steps to Dog Bite Prevention”:
1. Avoid unsupervised dogs.
2. Never leave children unsupervised with dogs.
3. Ensure our own dogs are properly trained and adequately supervised at all times.
By following these “3 Simple Steps”, we could virtually eliminate unprovoked dog bites in Canada.
It is not just important, but vital, to know what ACTUALLY causes dogs to bite unprovoked, if we ever hope to reduce those numbers. Obtusely theorizing about possible causes or solutions is not helpful and, as in the case of breed-specific legislation, is often harmful to both humans and dogs.
If you would like more information, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
Marjorie Darby
Founder,
Not true [2008-06-12]
I have a pointer mix that is pure muscle. When he gets his mind set to something, its pretty hard to stop him, which is why we train him constantly each and every day. If you are the pack leader, the animal will almost always listen to you, even in the heat of the moment. I have worked with trainers personally and seen dogs rehabilitated once they have an outlet for their frustration and have a packleader in place. Its against animal nature to go against the pack leader.
Lots of dog breeds are muscular and strong. Any dog can bite someone... don The reason most people even draw on them as a killer breed is because of the media and because that is the way they are portrayed, but in the end (through my own personal experience and education) its the owners that are responsible for the dog. Good training and a knowledge of dog language/behavior/signs and signals is very VERY IMPORTANT.
Its pretty easy to just put the dog down though and take no responsibility as the owner. Its really easy to say... ohh, its the breed and lets ban it instead of doing to work to make sure that dogs or other animals can live as balanced members of a pack.
That's how people are though... whatever is easiest.
The ripple effect or Karma [2008-06-10]
I feel for the people who come to get advice or even vent and they get such negative comments when the person giving the negative comments does not know the entire situation. I once posted wanting to know if anyone knew of any self-help books for people who are in difficult marriages and how to feel good about yourself and all I received were posts saying divorce, take the kids and leave, etc, etc. I was not in a situation that would warrant leaving. But I too have read the posts below and there really are some terrible posts from people. I often think about a news story I heard awhile back about some lady who posted something on the internet about some girl and how she wasnnasty-grams and hurting others. I do believe in Karma and the Ripple effect and one day this will come back and bite them in the you know what.
Good. I really hope I helped. [2008-06-10]
It is not normal 6-year-old behavior, despite what others say. It is normal bratty, spoiled 6-year-old behavior, and it is not acceptable. Since your husband won Try and stay in that mindset. Also, if you don Six years old is still pretty young and they should be doing a lot of cuddling. It will end soon enough so let your hubby give him that affection. The kidmight not be getting it from his mom or others in his life.
I also don That Now if you posted it on a billboard in his hometown, that would be different!
Do any of you have probs with your stepkids? [2008-06-08]
I absolutely cannot stand my stepchild. I know it sounds evil but that is the most spoiled, selfish brat I have ever come across. I did not know that marrying someone with a kid would be so difficult. I married my husband after having known him for only 2 months so we moved fast, but his little boy seemed to be sweet in the beginning. After we got married, things changed. My husband makes me sick over him. He lets him do as he pleases. He is almost 6 years old and I hate to see how hateful and defiant he is going to be when he gets older. My husband never disciplines him. His son is disrespectful, backtalks, does not listen and my husband does not seem to care. I have come to the point now where I cannot and do not say anything about the child because if I do my husband jumps down my throat. It I will never be as important to him. I There are so many times that his son has done something that does not make any sense and the most recent was yesterday.
My husband was in the bedroom napping and his son was sitting on the couch playing video games. A few weeks ago I got a puppy. Now his son is here Thursday evening through Monday morning and anytime he wants to play with the dog or take her outside I let him. All he has to do is ask. Well she went to the door and wanted to go out. So I put her on her leash and we went outside. I tie her up outside so she can run and play around without me having to hold her leash. I come back inside and see hubby I did not really pay that much attention to it because I thought he was playing or something. I grab the phone b/c I am gonna call my mom. My hubby gets up and goes in there and his son is crying for some reason. I could not hear everything b/c I was on the phone. I hear him asking why he is crying and he won Next thing I know, my hubby gets mad (he has a terrible temper, when he does get mad he feels the urge to hit something which really scares me), kicks something and goes outside. I tell my mom I need to go. I He comes back inside and I ask him what is wrong and he says nothing. And I tell him he is scaring me b/c he is hitting and kicking stuff and he just says he is sorry and won I go outside b/c I want to get away from both of them. When I come back inside, hubby and stepson on couch cuddling (i think it I walk by hubby and he tells me to come to him. He apologizes for losing his temper. I told him he scared me acting that way and he said that he does not like being told that someone does not want to be here. So I guess stepson implied he did not want to be here. He prolly just said he wanted to go to his grandma See my husband is so weirdly jealous over him. He does not want his son to say he cares about his real mom, or say he wants to stay at his grandma I ask my hubby why stepson was crying in the first place and he says well the dog scratched him. Wait a min. how could the dog scratch him when she is outside??? And secondly, there were no scratch marks on his son. So i tell my hubby that when I took the dog outside his son was playing video games and everything was fine, so the dog couldn But he does not say anything. Doesn I don He does it every time. I think that his son has him trained. He knows that if he does the crying crap, my hubby gets mad, loses his temper b/c his son is crying for no apparent reason, and then he will feel bad and get his son a toy or something. Early yesterday his son was asking for a toy and my hubby told him that after he goes to grandma But his son wanted one yesterday and I think that is why he did that crying stuff. I swear one time before when he did the crying stuff (he will do it for no apparent reason and I think he does it just to make my hubby feel bad) afterwards he had this look of satisfaction on his face. I don I think they are both bipolar. I can I am always the heel around here anyways when his son is here. I would like your thoughts on this though. I feel like I am going to go crazy. When it is the days that his son is not here, things are great and fine.
False Information- TAIB (Maine) is not associated with Synthescribe in any way! [2008-05-28]
just wanted to (hopefully) clear something up. Although I know this is an older post, I am sure that I am not the only Transcriptionist who searches the archives when deciding on whether to apply/interview with a company.
I spoke to Penny Jackson Pray, President/Owner of Transcription at its Best, Inc. in Maine. I asked Ms. Jackson Pray about these references, and she is adamant that she is not, nor has she ever been, associated or affiliated in any way with any other transcription company, including Synthescribe.
It's VERY IMPORTANT that, when we're making these postings, we are as specific and thorough (educated) as possible, as - in this case - a company's reputation has been unfairly tarnished.
After speaking with Penny, I truly believe that TAIB is a well-run, stable, US-based company that does not offshore.
Ms. Jackson Pray has previously made this posting, although it posted separately from this thread and may be easily overlooked:
Please note that my company Transcription At Its Best, Inc. is not associated with any other company with this name. This is the recent posting to which I refer --
Please run from this company. This is really an undercover name for Synthescribe, which operates out of TN. They will hire you and fire all their employees without notice. If you want a stable job, don't even waste your time with them. You will only be disappointed.
AGAIN THIS IS NOT TAIB in MAINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Thank you Penny Jackson Pray - Owner/President
(http://forum.mtstars.com/seeker/v/1/6301.html)
Again, I just ask that we (posters) be a little more careful and thorough in our descriptions before we slam companies; and also that, as job seekers, we make our own educated, informed decisions- based on our own research.
I have been offered a position with this company and, should I accept it, I will follow up with my experiences.
Thank You [2008-05-27]
Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I think I just needed to hear some positive remarks from people who have been in my shoes. I'm sure my kids sense something something is different as we are no longer loving at all and other than speaking when spoken to, I am generally silent. Thus, why I feel so alone all the time.
I liked the comment that I should fire the husband back a letter but unfortunately, I am too nice. I did sit him down and tell him how I felt, in which he apologized and promised to work harder and in fact, has done a bit better, but when you are out of love, you are out of love and if that makes me selfish that I want to be important to someone and loved by someone and cherished, so be it. Once negative comments are shot at someone, there are only so many years one can take it.
I hope to make a decision soon, still going through the positives and negatives. I will have to work full-time for the first time in 16 years but so be it, like the poster above it will be worth it to be free!
Thank you again for helping me when I was feeling down.
What about the scars the children [2008-05-27]
will endure being in a dysfunctional family? Have you considered that? They will grow up thinking that it Being a good provider is not as important as respecting and loving your wife. Your suggestion is what has caused so many children to grow into adults incapable of healthy relationships. Look at the statistics. In the 50s and 60s, women stayed married regardless of the relationship. Those kids of those families grew up and got married and had some of the highest divorce rates in history. The last report I heard showed that divorce was trending down in comparison to those all-time highs.
To Done........ [2008-05-27]
What's wrong with being 'average?' I am average. It's important what y o u think about yourself and what y o u do out of it.
Are you a stay-at-home mom? I wrote in one of my former emails, after you said that if you leave your husband you are forced to work full-time. Try to get a part-time job, this will help you a lot, you will focus on other things.
I really want to help. My first comment was too harsh, but I hate divorces when there is still hope.
Does my hubby love me? [2008-05-25]
Guys, I feel so sick to my stomach right now. I really do not know what to do. Some time last year I posted on here about how I had caught my hubby looking at gay and transexual porn on the net. He had also been calling a lot of phone sex numbers. The looking at gay and tranny porn stopped so I never confronted him about that but I did confront him about the phone sex lines and he said he just called to listen and never talked to anyone. He said he did it to get back at me b/c I had been chatting with some guy friends online. Yeah...whatever. That did not even make since but I let it slide b/c we were going through a tough time with us losing our house. Well now we have an apartment and I really though things were going to be better but it I feel sad and unhappy most of the time. I love him sooooo much and would die for him but I feel like he does not love me like I do him. We have been married for a little over a year and I have to beg him for sex, he never touches me, never kisses me except for them to be chicken pecks like you would give your mom and dad, never cuddles me. I feel so alone. And he has a child from a previous relationship and the only thing he loves and cares about is that child. I know he is not going to put me before his child and I understand that, but I would like to be as important to him as he is...I mean I When his son is here, I am invisible. I could get in my car and be gone for hours and I do not think he would even realize I I bend over backwards for him and do anything and he won He always talks about all this crap he wants and I have to listen to it and I never ask for one single thing. When I want to talk about something concerning me he don He never tells me I look good anymore or anything. I feel like I am fat, ugly, and a waste of oxygen sometimes. I know I shouldn I feel so unloved. I got married hoping to never feel lonely again and now I feel more lonely than ever. I don I miss it so much. I feel like it Anyways, besides all that, after having caught him looking up gay and tranny porn I installed spy software on the pc to monitor what he does. He has been looking at regular porn which i do not mind but now he has stopped that and has been looking at craig Porn did not bother me because it is not real..it but craig And he is not looking for women, he is looking at tranny He did it yesterday with me right outside! Oh God what do I do? What if he is looking to really act out on this? Is he gay? Tell me what you guys think. I just wish I could go to sleep some times and never wake up. I just want to go home to my mom, dad, and bro and be happy again.
VERY IMPORTANT [2008-05-07]
It's VERY IMPORTANT that you teach your daughter that someone who treats her like this is not a true friend. I have taught my daughter to BE NICE TO EVERYBODY, but you DO NOT have to be everybody's best friend. I have told her what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Help her understand that it is disappointing, but the sooner she accepts that's the way this girl is, the happier she will be. Unfortunately my daughter had to learn the same lesson at that age and I have had to reiterate it to her this year in the 7th grade. It's OKAY to not be best friends with this girl, and that friends should not treat friends this way. It's all about boundaries.
The second time around ... [2008-05-06]
is very different for me.
My son played from age 5 till now in college. I can pretty much see myself in both you and the other lady. And nope, at times it is not pretty.
However, I will say this -- I learned.
My daughter is now playing softball. I no longer worry about the calls, who is playing where, ya da ya da. I keep telling her (and myself) ... just have fun, work hard and do your best - that is what matters.
It's hard because I am very competitive by nature, and whewn it ain't fair - it ain't fair. But .. I realized we DID take a lot of the fun and pleasure out of it for him, not to mention the stress on us.
Whether they win or lose in Little League, play great or look like they've never touched a ball before, keeping the love of the game and fun in it is what is most important. And it does embarass them when parents get up in arms, truly does.
However, don't be so hard on yourself -- just work on it like you said. And trust me -- it aint' easy!!
PS - and take LOTS of pictures! I wish I had more from those days.
good luck to you!
I am divorced and now on good terms with MIL, but not while we were married! sm [2008-05-05]
She was very critical, called me every name in the book and kept telling her son I was no good that he belonged in the home I could not PROVIDE FOR HIM, as in the home they could. Umm last time I checked he was an adult too and we were to make a home TOGETHER.
I can remember being sent to the hospital with preterm labor with my daughter. I was scared, I had had to drive my sons to my mom My doctor was furious with him. Why did I have to do that? Because SHE needed to go to the doctor about her Oh and he could have been available sooner, but she wanted to go shoe shopping. She was truly the other woman in my marriage and when anything happened where I truly needed him, he was with her...shopping, taking her to the doctor, driving her to the dentist. He eventually lost a job because all of that. He didn't learn and continued until he finally has not had a full time job since.
What finally bridged the gap was our divorce. He didn BUT I never kept my kids from her, she is their grandmother and they are her only grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and she didnI respected her for what I felt was her important role in their lives and she grew to respect me for my that.
What finally did it is the fact that my ex up and remarried. The gal he married has many documented mental health issues (I saw the report her ex hadon her, but that is a long story). My MIL tried with wife #2, she really did. Finally, just about the time they married, this gal threatened my MIL This was done in front of my oldest son and my MIL
From that day on, I was welcome in her home anytime and that woman was not. I suddenly became the nicest of her 3 DILs and she told me that herself. Although the kids are grown and I have moved out of state, I send her birthday and Mother I told her that stuff was all in the past and what really mattered is the here and now.
have you ever had to struggle? [2008-04-29]
there was a time in my life when there was no way i could budget. incredibly hard to be a single parent of two children and not making enough money to budget, trying to decide which is more important, the water or the electricity, and knowing every month i was paying more that the average joe just for the fact i didn't have the money to pay a lot of things on time which in turn led to late fees. i thank the Lord i got through that period of time. no fun worrying about how you are going to pay rent, utilities, food on the table for your kids and no public assistance, and it was especially nice when my car would break down.
you are correct. it is sad.
athiest soldier doesn't believe in God but [2008-04-27]
I commend for this man for standing up for what he doesn't believe in!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352703,00.html
JUNCTION CITY, Kan.— Like hundreds of young men joining the Army in recent years, Jeremy Hall professes a desire to serve his country while it fights terrorism.
But the short and soft-spoken specialist is at the center of a legal controversy. He has filed a lawsuit alleging he FONT-SIZE: 100%! important; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1px! important; COLOR: darkgreen! important; BORDER-BOTTOM: darkgreen 0.07em solid; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent! important; TEXT-DECORATION: underline! important href=http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352703,00.html# target=_blank itxtdid=4915055>Robert Gates.
I Hall said. I want no one else to go what I went through.
Known as the atheist guy, Hall has been called immoral, a devil worshipper and — just as severe to some soldiers — gay, none of which, he says, is true. Hall even drove fellow soldiers to church in Iraq and paused while they prayed before meals.
I see a name and rank and United States flag on their shoulder. That he said.
Hall, 23, was raised in a Protestant family in North Carolina and dropped out of school before earning his GED. It wasn't until after he joined the Army that he began questioning religion, eventually deciding he couldn't follow any faith.
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But he feared how that would look to other soldiers.
I was ashamed to say that I was an atheist, Hall said.
It eventually came out in Iraq in 2007, when he was in a firefight. Hall was a gunner on a Humvee, which took several bullets in its protective shield. Afterward, his commander asked whether he believed in God, Hall said.
I said, I
The issue came to a head when, according to Hall, a superior officer, Maj. Freddy J. Welborn, threatened to bring charges against him for trying to hold a meeting of atheists in Iraq. Welborn has denied Hall's allegations.
Hall said he had had enough but feared he wouldn't get support from Welborn's superiors. He turned to Mikey Weinstein and the Military Religious Freedom Foundation.
Weinstein is the foundation's president and a U.S. Air Force Academy graduate. He had previously sued the Air Force for acts he said illegally imposed Christianity on students at the academy, though that case was dismissed. He calls Hall a hero.
The average American doesn Weinstein said. You know how hard it is to take on your chain of command? This isn
Hall was in Qatar when the lawsuit was filed on Sept. 18 in federal court in Kansas City, Kan. Other soldiers learned of it and he feared for his own safety. Once, Hall said, a group of soldiers followed him, harassing him, but no one did anything to make it stop.
The Army told him it couldn't protect him and sent him back to Fort Riley. He resumed duties with a military police battalion. He believes his promotion to sergeant has been blocked because of his lawsuit, but he is a team leader responsible for two junior enlisted soldiers.
No one with Fort Riley, the Army or Defense Department would comment about Hall or the lawsuit. Each issued statements saying that discrimination will not be tolerated regardless of race, religion or gender.
The Department respects (and supports by its policy) the rights of others to their own religious beliefs, including the right to hold no beliefs, said Eileen Lainez, a spokeswoman for the Department of Defense.
All three organizations said existing systems help soldiers address and resolve any perceived unfair treatment.
Lt. Col. David Shurtleff, a Fort Riley chaplain, declined to discuss Hall's case but said chaplains accommodate all faiths as best they can. In most cases, religious issues can be worked out without jeopardizing military operations.
When you FONT-SIZE: 100%! important; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1px! important; COLOR: darkgreen! important; BORDER-BOTTOM: darkgreen 0.07em solid; BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent! important; TEXT-DECORATION: underline! important href=http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,352703,00.html# target=_blank itxtdid=3594065>Afghanistan and an IED blows up a Humvee, they aren Shurtleff said.
Hall said he enjoys being a team leader but has been told that having faith would make him a better leader.
I will take care of my soldiers. Nowhere does it say I have to pray with my soldiers, but I do have to make sure my soldiers he said.
Religion brings comfort to a lot of people, he said. Personally, I don
Hall leaves the Army in April 2009. He would like to find work with the National Park Service or Environmental Protection Agency, anything outdoors.
I hope this doesn Hall said of his lawsuit. It
I don't know what WASl test is but if it is anything like the TAKS test in Texas - then more powe [2008-04-27]
I hate standardized testing. I hate the way it is pushed and it is the only thing teachers 'preach' on the whole school year. Math and Reading is the big ones here until 5th grade and then science gets added in. Where is history? Where is grammar (no this is not included in the reading test)? Forget these stupid state standardized testing and get back to what is important.... an education!
i agree... [2008-04-21]
i think that is best too. i know a lot of parents who are afraid to tell their kids how they feel (my husband is one) and feel as though they are putting guilt on the child. i just think its important to help children look at things from a different point of view and consider the feelings of others as well as their own. later in life this could be a real asset.
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