We actually had a small family gathering at my inlaws

My family decided last year to just enjoy the holidays [2008-12-01]
We're all adults, no children, and live in small homes or apartments. I NEED tons of stuff, but have no place to put much of anything, and can't afford to reciprocate with a gift. Same with a couple other siblings. My mom's been impossible to buy gifts for, for probably the last 10 years. I was the first to bow out the year before last. I started the ball rolling because I just plain couldn't afford it anymore, and was too busy working all the time to spend hours on end in a department store. I had a new job, no PTO, and NO money, so I alerted everyone that I wasn't going to play the game that year. Turns out it was a relief to all! And last year, without all the holiday 'getting mauled at the mall' disasters, each of us had quiet, happy, stress-free holidays. So now that we've eliminated the gift-giving aspect of Christmas, I finally can look forward to the season and enjoy it again.

Is there way several family members can pitch in money for [2008-12-01]
xx

I still love giving gifts and have a solution with my family. sm [2008-11-30]
We all buy gifts for our parents (there are 4 of us, all married) but we wrap them all in the same paper and they are from everyone. That way, if someone is having a tough year, then it still looks even. Over the years, all of us have had a year that extra money just was not there during 1st babies, 1st homes, high gas prices, unexpected bills, lay-offs, new jobs etc. This way, our parents don't know who did what and they can't turn them down or worry about one family when they don't want to share with them their troubles. We treat the kids similarly. We all buy for all the kids (7 total) but no set limit. Some years, when having a good financial year, they get big presents, some years they don't. They all get to open at least 5 presents (counting Grandma and Grandpa) and we torture them until after dinner before they can open gifts! There have been years of Dollar Store gifts and years of video games. We all look for things during the year that we can give to all equally. Last year, I found pajama bottoms at Old Navy for $2 in the summer and bought a pair for everyone, including the adults. One year, my sister got them all Uno decks which were $3 each because that's all she could do and they are still the favorite gift and go everywhere. Uno tournaments, using all the cards are a family tradition and we make up different rules all the time! I am fortunate to be in a good position the last few yeas and have bought more extravagant presents. Not to show anyone up, but because I can. Not to make up for the very lean years, which were many, but because it is easy for me to do right now. We don't have jealousy and I don't expect anything in return because if I need something or want something, I usually buy it for myself. I just like to give gifts and can, and everyone is fine with that. But I have to tell you, my best gifts from the others are from years when there was no money and have now become tradition ... strawberry jam from my SIL, fudge from my brother. Christmas is what you make it. We are loud and loving and crazy and if we exchanged soup cans, the kids would still love it. It is what you make of it and how fun you make it for them.

family secrets [2008-11-30]
My mother blackmails my sister that she will tell her secrets to her new husband. If you love your husband, let it go and if you refuse to let it go, make sure you consider the source as more trustworthy than your husband before you bring it up.

I feel for the family as well.... [2008-11-28]
Gosh I guess even WalMart isn That ought to bring on a hefty law suit against WalMart - hmmm... I really think Black Friday shopping is overrated anyway. All of that stuff is on sale at any time of the year. It For goodness sakes.

You know sometimes my husband doesn't want to go to my family things either... [2008-11-26]
and I have learned that if he doesn't want to go, don't be mad, just go without him...It is better to go alone then have to sit there with him while he is moping about being there. I understand your frustration and maybe your husband knows something will set him off and start a fight and he doesn't want to do that to you. Maybe he is really thinking of your feelings.

My family's traditional Christmas mints [2008-11-25]
Again, really easy but time-consuming. The base is just two egg whites whipped up to stiff peaks and fold in about a pound of confectioner across, then flatten them with a fork. Put them on waxed paper - they stick on everything else. Get your kids busy stirring and rolling and it'll go quickly. I also use the same for frosting for Christmas cookies. Couldn't have a Christmas without them!

small town. [2008-11-23]
x

My small town is offering a price of 1 month of free electricity for the best lights nm [2008-11-21]
nm

Do MT live in small towns or big cities [2008-11-21]
I live in a city of 2.5 million.

My family is hurting :( [2008-11-19]
Some of you may remember the recent pet picture postings here. I posted a picture of my baby girl, Daisy, nursing her three babies who arenow nearly two years old. My husbandcame home about an hour and a half ago and went to let them inside, and the only boy (besides the dad), Chewy,did not come with the others. They all always come up on the deck when they hear his car, so he knew something was going on. He came into my office and asked if we had Chewy with us, and then went to see if he had gotten out of the fence. A few minutes later he came in and said that he found him still in the backyard, lying under the trees on a pile of leaves, and that he wasdead. We are all so sad . We do not know what happenedto our baby .. . he had been fine just a couple of hours before, when my son got home from school and went to see the dogs. He said that Chewy was acting no differently than usual and seemed fine. I am just beside myself not knowing what happened to this sweet little guy. He was the SWEETEST EVER and we will miss him dearly. WE LOVE YOU,CHEWY!!! May you rest in peace.

My family is hurting :( [2008-11-19]
Some of you may remember the recent pet picture postings here. I posted a picture of my baby girl, Daisy, nursing her three babies who arenow nearly two years old. My husbandcame home about an hour and a half ago and went to let them inside, and the only boy (besides the dad), Chewy,did not come with the others. They all always come up on the deck when they hear his car, so he knew something was going on. He came into my office and asked if we had Chewy with us, and then went to see if he had gotten out of the fence. A few minutes later he came in and said that he found him still in the backyard, lying under the trees on a pile of leaves, and that he wasdead. We are all so sad . We do not know what happenedto our baby .. . he had been fine just a couple of hours before, when my son got home from school and went to see the dogs. He said that Chewy was acting no differently than usual and seemed fine. I am just beside myself not knowing what happened to this sweet little guy. He was the SWEETEST EVER and we will miss him dearly. WE LOVE YOU,CHEWY!!! May you rest in peace.

I'm so sorry for you and your family [2008-11-19]
Losing a pet is always so hard. Sending your whole family love and hugs.

I'm sure Mary Jo Kopechne's family is not as happy as you. nm [2008-11-17]
x

Obviously you've never had a family member killed by a drunk driver. [2008-11-17]
Long ago? Time has nothing to do with it. The man has an alcohol problem and left the scene of a homicide. Sounds like you're ok with that. I'm not. It speaks volumes about his character.

I read an interview with her family.... [2008-11-17]
They won't even say his name. I don't wish he would've died. I wish they would've thrown his a@@ in jail like he deserved. He has no business being in the postion of authority he is in. He should've been punished for what he did and he shouldn't be allowed to be making decisions that affect this country.

Any chance you could visit family or a friend... [2008-11-16]
for a few days when he leaves the dogs? Or simply tell DH that you will only take care of your guys? Let hubby experience what a job it is. I have a cat and a large black lab and those two alone can keep me pretty busy. Can I believe in karma, and you have a giant reward coming your way one of these days, as domany of you other kind-hearted posters.

My furkids wish Fred well and I wish your family well. So sorry...nm [2008-11-16]
//

No Hallmark family for me, either. [2008-11-11]
Theredysfunctional in the dictionary. When I married, I tried for many years to force not only my dysfunctional family but my husband's dysfunctional family into a little Hallmark picture frame. I did grand Martha Stewart holiday events at my house, spending hours cleaning, preparing gourmet meals, crafting little table decorations, etc. Of course it never worked out, and all that I ever got from those days was more disappointment and longing after something that I didn't have. Finally, we just stopped trying to make our families into what they would never be. My husband and I and our two children celebrate by ourselves. We give no gifts to anyone but those who live in our house, and even those are kept to a reasonable budget. That immediately took the financial stress out of the holidays. Now that our children are older and have lives of their own, we have an even quieter Christmas. There will be just three of us for Thanksgiving, and we'll still have a wonderful time. I put more effort into helping at food cupboards and Toys For Tots type programs, and that makes me happy. It took me quite a while to stop trying for the Hallmark thing. And even after I made the decision to stop, I had to go through a few more years of mourning for it. Eventually I found peace with it all. While I don't have 35 people gathered around a golden turkey on a holiday eve, I do have a lot to be grateful for. Today, my life's motto is: It is what it is. Make the most of it.

No perfect family here sm [2008-11-11]
When I was younger and innocent, I believed I had started a wonderful tradition of having my family over for the holidays because I was the oldest and first married. After many years of dysfunction, second marriages, sibling rivalry, etc., have gone back to the basics, just my husband, my kids and their kids. I no longer have to listen to, I etc. I no longer have to wash my house down from smoking and no longer have to pick up half-empty alcoholic drinks (which by the way causes more havoc and tongue slips). We are happier, saner, and sober and we enjoy the holidays much more than when I spent a whole weekHome for the Holidays, National Lampoon and other films such as those and laugh at what used to be. Ifix people anymore, I can only fix myself. I don't think there is a Hallmark perfect family. If there is, it's news to me!

Yes. Sometimes I tell my best friend and maybe family [2008-11-03]
about the support that someone gave me, or just a laugh to two. They think it is good that there isa place where we can get ideas, share things, etc.

I just mention to family that I read [2008-11-03]
about such and such on the MT Board that I visit during the day.

We have 2 phones, family plan with 200 [2008-11-01]
free text messages and my bill is only 65.

For holidays in my family- [2008-10-31]
My family, which consists of two brothers, two sisters, many nieces and nephews who are all married and have children and my son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter, started several years ago having our Thanksgivng and Christmas holidays on the Saturday before the actual holiday. That way, they can all stay for the day and then spend the actual holiday with the other side of the family. It works out really well. We really enjoy having everyone stay for the day and they don My husband We are expected to be there on Thanksgiving day at noon, Christmas eve at 6:00 p.m. for an immediate family Christmas and then Christmas Day with the entire family. In addition, I always work Thanksgiving and Christmas. It makes for an exciting couple of days. They won Whatever! Good luck with your plans.

my family has quite a few ... [2008-10-30]
some others below posted a couple we do - peanut butter and banana ( which I have decided to save for when I'm toothless :D ) and peanut butter and dill pickles, but I prefer it on toast, lotsa crunch! My grandfather liked peanut butter with thick slices of walla walla sweet onions and put enough garlic powder on the peanut butter you couldn't see it's color. When I was little he told me one time it's why he never got sick, I said sure, nobody will get close enough to give you their germs! My mom loves to put ketchup on just about anything, especially scrambled eggs. She also used to buy the cans of Campbell's bean with bacon condensed soup and make a sandwich with it, with ketchup, of course! My brother was/is addicted to salt. We used to find the salt shaker hidden in his room where the top was all crusted over from licking it to eat the salt. :P gotta admit my family is weird to say the least! lol

For the sake of the cats, you should tell her NOW to make different [2008-12-01]
arrangements in the future, and that you won't be feeding them anymore. Please don't wait until she's about to leave the cats. As for your sisters, I'm not Ann Landers or Dear Abby, but I've read them for years and I think they both would tell you to dump the family that you don't get along with, and start making some friends with people that will make you feel good. They are only making your life miserable and it's obvious they will continue to do so as long as YOU allow them to. Nobody can use you for a doormat unless you lie down for it. Good luck.

My family decided last year to just enjoy the holidays [2008-12-01]
We're all adults, no children, and live in small homes or apartments. I NEED tons of stuff, but have no place to put much of anything, and can't afford to reciprocate with a gift. Same with a couple other siblings. My mom's been impossible to buy gifts for, for probably the last 10 years. I was the first to bow out the year before last. I started the ball rolling because I just plain couldn't afford it anymore, and was too busy working all the time to spend hours on end in a department store. I had a new job, no PTO, and NO money, so I alerted everyone that I wasn't going to play the game that year. Turns out it was a relief to all! And last year, without all the holiday 'getting mauled at the mall' disasters, each of us had quiet, happy, stress-free holidays. So now that we've eliminated the gift-giving aspect of Christmas, I finally can look forward to the season and enjoy it again.

These 10 things definitely ain't right: [2008-12-01]
1) MTSOs who want people with top-notch skills and experience, but don't want to pay them what that skill is worth. 2) HMO's: So-called *health-maintenance-organizations* --yet they spend every minute and every dime of their far-too-large profits on denying healthcare, meds and procedures to their patients. These organizations have ruined American healthcare, and many American lives. HMO's have been a con-game since their inception. 3) The Bailouts: Giving money to companies who can too bad for the rest of you.* Then the Big Three show up in DC to beg for a handout, and fly there in private Lear jets. My answer to them would be, *I too bad for the rest of you.* 4) Apartment managers that won't allow even a single quiet, well-behaved pet, but will rent to people with continually screaming small children, and out-of-control older children and teens. Give me the pets for neighbors, ANY day. 5) Businesses that give an age-discount to absolutely everything that walks, runs or flies, but not to the middle-aged middle-class, who need it the most. Take the ski-industry: Young children ski for next-to-nothing, and sometimes nothing. There is a Teen Discount. There is a Student Discount for college kids. There I'll probably never be old enough - it's a carrot-on-a-stick, always just out of reach.) There are even corporate (UGH) discounts. But for those in my age group, who barely make ends meet but like to go up once a year for a couple days of bliss, there is NOTHING. 6) Travel-lodging deals that are always based on double or quadruple occupancy. What about singles? NOTHING. 7) TV commercials that are about a million decibels louder than the regular shows. Why can't it all be the same volume? Same with online newscasts. THEIR commercials will blow your eardrums out if you aren't quick enough turning down the volume before they start. 8) Surround-sound: Everything is too loud, already! Why do we need it coming at us from 4 directions? Why do people living in tiny apartments feel they need it? I've lost count of how many fights I've had with neighbors over this issue. Same with movies and music concerts. Why do they feel we need to feel the music in our SPLEENS? I went to Universal Amphitheater last week. (Now named something else). There is actually a sign outside warning that the decibel level inside might damage your hearing! (?!?!?!) Why do they need this? (To avoid lawsuits, obviously). If it's so loud you have to post a warning sign outside the entrance, then DUH.... it's TOO LOUD! 9) Banks that charge you a fee to use their ATM. They (I haven't actually been INSIDE a bank in YEARS).... and they want to charge US for using the machines instead of the tellers? Forget it. I won't give those banks my business. 10) The Post Office: Talk about rewarding slow, inept performance! The worse their employees are, the longer they seem to stay there. I'd rather have a root canal than go to a P.O. during the holiday season.

I agree with Stardust and Deb...... [2008-12-01]
your sisters are toxic and you need to let them go. Even though they are family, there is no reason why you have to put up with that crap. When people take away your happiness knowingly, it is time to let go. It sounds as though you have done all you could and things obviously are not going to get better. Keep your relationship with your older sister but cut ties with the others. I have an aunt who is like that. Unfortunately she is 80 so because of that, I try to suck it up but it is so hard. If she were younger, I would have cut all communication long ago. She is abusive, insults me at every chance, etc. Funny how I am the only one who calls her every two days and goes up to see her all the time. When I call or go up, it is very stressful. I know what you are dealing with and no one should have to feel inadequate at the expense of another person.

I make these every year. [2008-12-01]
After making the peanut butter part I put the balls in the freezer to get hard. This also makes the chocolate coating a little thicker which my family likes. After dipping in chocolate they return to the freezer. Once hard I put them in air tight containers or ziploc bags and store in the freezer. They come back to room temp very nicely or you can eat them frozen which my son likes. I have had them in my freezer for about 3 months before and they have been just like the day I made them. Of course I usually have to hide them well if I want them to last more than a week. :) I use regular chocolate chips and about a 1/2 inch square of parafin to 1 bag. How many bags, depends on the recipe. I usually make a huge batch when I make these but I think the standard recipe is 1 bag. Oh, I have also found it easier to make if you stiffen the peanut butter mixture up a little with extra powdered sugar. When short on time, I have even mixed enough powder sugar to be able to roll without refridgerating first. If you want a little twist on tradition, they are great to add a cashew or peanut inside the ball or mix in cereal to the peanut butter mixture, rice crispies are yummy.

e-bay [2008-12-01]
Since VR is taking the wind out of my income, I I live in an area with lots of retirees who might want to sell some things, but mightbe a little computer-phobic. Does anyone do this or know of anyone else who does it and whether it might be a lucrative business or a train wreck waiting to happen? Also, would a business license be required? Thanks for any input or opinions.

Christmas Tree [2008-12-01]
Real and anywhere from 8-1/2 to 12 feet tall depending on where we put it in our family room. It's up and decorated since Saturday.

Charmed...I have similar relatives. Here is something to remember [2008-12-01]
MISERABLE PEOPLE LOVE TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE MISERABLE. That is why the saying misery loves company. I know they are your family. However, if they treat you that badly, dump them and move on. I went through this years ago. I have family like this. They never had anything to do with me unless they needed something from me or they wanted to belittle me. One can find friends who are more like family and treat you with respect. Make sure you have caller ID and DON That is the first step. LEARN TO SAY NO. It will not kill you, I promise. When you empower yourself, you learn to like you for yourself and it no longer matters what these people think of you. When it no longer matters what they think, they will see it and pick on someone else.

I still love giving gifts and have a solution with my family. sm [2008-11-30]
We all buy gifts for our parents (there are 4 of us, all married) but we wrap them all in the same paper and they are from everyone. That way, if someone is having a tough year, then it still looks even. Over the years, all of us have had a year that extra money just was not there during 1st babies, 1st homes, high gas prices, unexpected bills, lay-offs, new jobs etc. This way, our parents don't know who did what and they can't turn them down or worry about one family when they don't want to share with them their troubles. We treat the kids similarly. We all buy for all the kids (7 total) but no set limit. Some years, when having a good financial year, they get big presents, some years they don't. They all get to open at least 5 presents (counting Grandma and Grandpa) and we torture them until after dinner before they can open gifts! There have been years of Dollar Store gifts and years of video games. We all look for things during the year that we can give to all equally. Last year, I found pajama bottoms at Old Navy for $2 in the summer and bought a pair for everyone, including the adults. One year, my sister got them all Uno decks which were $3 each because that's all she could do and they are still the favorite gift and go everywhere. Uno tournaments, using all the cards are a family tradition and we make up different rules all the time! I am fortunate to be in a good position the last few yeas and have bought more extravagant presents. Not to show anyone up, but because I can. Not to make up for the very lean years, which were many, but because it is easy for me to do right now. We don't have jealousy and I don't expect anything in return because if I need something or want something, I usually buy it for myself. I just like to give gifts and can, and everyone is fine with that. But I have to tell you, my best gifts from the others are from years when there was no money and have now become tradition ... strawberry jam from my SIL, fudge from my brother. Christmas is what you make it. We are loud and loving and crazy and if we exchanged soup cans, the kids would still love it. It is what you make of it and how fun you make it for them.

I'm sure some of your relatives are feeling sm [2008-11-30]
the same horrible crunch. Feel them out gently. Together you can approach the insensitive members of your family. Instead of saying you won say you can instead. It's the sign of the times, and not a reflection on you. You can have a very merry and wonderful Christmas without gifts. It's love that makes Christmas Christmas! Merry Christmas to you and all the other posters and readers!

It sounds like she needs brushing, but [2008-11-30]
not a bath right now. You might find a kid right in your neighborhood who would brush her for you for a small fee - their first job. That's assuming your dog has a tolerance for kids and brushing. But I know you don't want to put water on a tangled dog. Always treat the tangles before a bath. My Siberians could go 6 months or longer without a bath most of the time. It depends on the coat and whether the dog has an odor or oily skin or skin problems.

Do you have any [2008-11-30]
Secrets about your past or family that your spouse does not know about or found out that your spouse was keeping one from you? Things tend to slip when family spends a lot of time together around the holidays. Do we need to know everything about our spouses or should bad decisions from high school and childhoodbe left in the past? I firmly believe nothing should be deliberately kept from a spouse. My spouse knows everything about me but I have nothing to hide from my past. I recently found out thatsomething has beenkept from me. Deliberately I He does not know that I now know this secret. Not sure if I should keep the secret and pretend I don A part of me wants to hear from him that he believes it was a mistake and would never encourage our children to do the same.

Times gone by......... sm [2008-11-30]
I remember when I was a child the dime store in our town. It had everything from pencils to yard goods to toys to old medicinal remedies. They had a wonderful candy counter where you bought your candy by weight. You made your selection from the glass-fronted counter that was juuuuust above eye level for a small child. The clerk would scoop out the desired amount of candy with an old brass candy scoop and weigh it on an old balance scale. Then she would put the candy in a little white paper sack. There were all kinds, jelly beans, butterscotch that melted in your mouth, peppermint that really cleared the sinuses, and wonderful little maple goodies to name but a few. It tasted so much better than candy tastes these days. And yes, they had Evening in Paris and Old Spice and hankies for both mom and dad. I even held my very first job there in high school where I helped take inventory every year right after Christmas. We had to count each and every item (well, probably not the jelly beans) by hand. I remember counting boxes and boxes of pens and pencils and rulers. I miss that store as it closed down many years ago when the big discount houses started opening up in the nearby big town.

I just need to VENT and see what you all think...Beware...this is long...sm [2008-11-30]
I have tried twice to tell this story but deleted it both times because the story is just too long so I will be as short as I can. I have a bunch of ROTTEN TO THE CORE sisters.My sisters are just about the worst people I have ever met in my whole 43 years on this planet. There is one who is especially bad and I just told my other sister that if she ever dies, to please not call me as I won I come from a very large family with 5 sisters and 1 brother with my brother being the oldest. He is not involved. He sort ofleft the family years ago because he couldn They did terrible things to him after his divorce. We rarely see him now.I am considered a scumbag and a loser because my husband and I don We don We don We can We love our children with everything in our souls. They have made fun of me and my husband and insulted us to our faces.My husband and I have a difficult marriage as he is tough to get along with so they hate my husband My sistershave all gone out to dinner without inviting me. I have found out because of someone They have made threats and sent rumors flying throughout the family, without me knowing, about calling DCYF on me. I heard that one too from a slip of the tongue. I cried for 2 hours in the shower that day. They talk about everyone and I mean everyone badly. They have awell known reputation ina couple of our towns here for being mean horrible girls. They are about as fake and phony as a person can get. Sweet and all smiles to your face and when you turn around, they stick that knife in as far as they can get it in. They have what they have in their lives because of what someone has given them. My sister had her property given to her by her in-laws. It is worth about $1,000,000. My other sister had land given to her by her husbandto lessen their mortage burden so now they owe almost nothing on their $500,000 house. They think they are fabulous people. They think they are the cat In the past years when we were all talking and I would be invited to a holiday, I was not spoken to at all the whole time I was there. I am a venter and I always have been so if my husband and I are fighting, I will always go to my older sister (one up from me) and vent and vent until I can She gets on the phone the second I leave and tells every person in my family what is going on. They in turn judge me and my husband, make their threats, and so on. This is also happening to my oldest sister and her partner (she is in a gay relationship but was always dating a man and was married twice) and my sister The three of us, me, my sister and her partner, and my sister We get along well. We are happy with each other. We don Whatever happens in each other lives, we just accept it and don I now attend holidays at my sister I don I don The sisters (I like to call them the Witches of Eastwick) all attend holidays with each other up at my sister The three of us are not invited. My older sister has a son. Several yeas ago, my sister and her partner had a terrible fight with him. He went to the witches and told them a bunch of lies and now they have pretty much shunned her and her daughter and me too because we still talk to her.I have a sister, who is involved in all of this, that I speak to on a regular basis. She is close to my kids or at least my oldest son. She pretty much ignores my other two children and they tell me, It She is the one who has spread rumors about me in the family trying to get everyone to call DCYF on me. I heard this too by a slip of the tongue from another sister a few years back. I tend to be a forgiving person so I quietly forgave her for this without her ever knowing that I knew what she was trying to do. Now that they are all inviited to the holidays up to my sister They are extremely fat just like her. These holiday trips up north are usually kept quiet and I only know about it the day before they are leaving to go, which is when she inevitably asks me to come feed her f******g cats. This is how Iknow that a big party is going on up at the cabin and once again only the chosen selected few are going. This is usually for 3 or 4 days and they get fed twice a day so I have to goto her house twice a day. Sometimes I have to give them medication and the last time she asked me, I even had to soak her sick cat She lives about 20 minutes away from me. This girl would NEVER, NEVER, EVER do this for me. My husband and I took our children on a cruise 3 years ago and we have a cat and I never asked her to do this for me as I know she would have laughed in my face. I have been feeding her cats for years now when she goes away. Keep in mind though that she was in the select chosen few to be invited up to the cabin. I was not as I am considered trash in the family. I am SICK AND TIRED of feeding this girl My sister who invites everyone to go is a mean, horrible, sadistic, vicious, backstabbing wretched b***h. No one will say anything to her like, Gee Pat, where is everyone else? Didn They could care less. All they know is that THEY were invited. Anyway, I am sorry this is so long. I cananymore. I have been thinking of this all day all weekend long. I am really to the point where I just don I am goingto tell my fat a** b***h sister to fnd another way to get her cats fed because I She is just using me and believe me when I tell you, she enjoys it. She is verydiabolical. She loves it that I am not invited and she and her husband are.She even questions me and counts the cat food cans to make sure that I came on all of the days they were gone. These people have balls of brass and I have had ENOUGH.I am just sitting and waiting patiently for the next time she says, Oh, we Can you come and feed the cats? I just canNo. I can I will never feed your cats again! Find some other sucker to do it! I believe that they are severely narcissistic people and this is nothing to take lightly.These types of people are very destructive. Do any of you have family members like this and what do you do about them? How do you stop them from making you feelsad, lonely, excluded andless than you are or deserve? I think it is time for me to cut all ties with them. I just can

Gift Giving [2008-11-29]
I just got married in July 2008, bought a new home, and am now expecting my third child in April 2009 so we ourselves have had many blessings this year but our financial situation is also pretty tight. We will not be buying gifts for anyone but our children. Our family will receive homemade treats this year. We still like to do something nice for them because they have done so much for us this year and every year but we don't have a lot of money to play with. In my case, we take care of our obligations (bills, our children, etc.) before we worry about gifts. We feel that providing our children with things that need and the love that they deserve is more important than any material gift will ever be. Our family understands our situation and is very happy just to spend the holidays with us without the expectation of a gift because honestly the quality time with family is the biggest gift we could give each other. In my opinion, you should just explain the situation to them and let them know that you will not be giving gifts this year. They may take it hard but they will get over it. You have to do what you have to do. Gifts aren't the real reason for the Christmas season anyhow. Good luck to you!

You need to take care of your [2008-11-29]
bills first and not worry about giving gifts. Explain to your family that you will not be giving gifts this year and you expect nothing in return. They may not like it but they will get over it. If they ask questions about what you do with your money (which really is none of their business)just answer them with the economy being so bad you are unable to give gifts. I would hope they understand as everybody is going through it right now. You may feel uncomfortable, but at least you will be able to sleep and not worry whether your bills will be paid or not. Stand firm on this and DO NOT feel guilty as there is no reason to be. I have also chosen not to exchange gifts this year as I cannot do it. I was surprised that my brother was relieved. Everybody is feeling the crunch. I wish you much luck!

we don't exchange gifts either [2008-11-29]
We stopped exchanging gifts about 30 years ago. When my husband and I first approached the subject, we met with some resistance, but we stood our ground and said we would not be buying gifts. My husband is the oldest in a family of 7. By the time they all married and had children, the number could have been quite staggering to buy for. I was a surprise baby, my sisters being greater than 11 years older than I am, so when they began their families I was too young to buy anything to buy for them and so never started doing so. Now both of our families agree the holidays are much more enjoyable without the stress of the gift buying, worrying about what to get, how much, will the like it, can I afford it, etc., etc. The true gift of Christmas is the love we feel for our families and all we ask is time with them, and everyone agrees on this. We usually bake or take small treats to the families are who have misfortune of spending Christmas at the Ronald McDonald House in our city due to the illness of a child. Often the other kids in the family (the healthy ones) get lost in the shuffle of caring for a child with cancer. There is no gift one can give as great as giving and bringing joy to a family in such a situation. Anyway, my point is that there may be others in the family who will feel the same way, that it is just too stressful, and you may find that they will appreciate the holidays much more if the gift stress is taken out of the equation. I should add here, I do buy something for my own children but usually one or two things and my grandchildren because, after all, Santa still comes (!) and I do think Christmas gift giving is for children. Watching my little ones open is a gift a truly a fun thing to do and makes me happy. I do ask my kids not to buy for me or my husband because they have young families and can't afford the extra money. I have always told them I would rather they spend time with me any day then go out and buy a gift.

I feel exactly the same way. [2008-11-29]
When my siblings and I started having kids, we agreed not to buy for each other's families. That has worked out fine. This year, we have NO money. Even though we still have our same jobs, it seems like more money is going out than is coming in. I don't quite understand where the money is going myself, try explaining that to family. I would just like to completely forget Christmas this year. I would even volunteer to work to get out of it. Don't feel bad about being bitter. I find myself getting tired of having no money and having to explain why we can't do the things we used to do all the time. I've started preparing the kids for Christmas, telling them it is going to be real skimpy around here. They are old enough to understand but whether they believe me is another thing.

Has society become this bad and why [2008-11-29]
I saw the post down below about the Wal-Mart worker. Here is a new article that just came out (link below). The police are now looking at video surveillance to see who trampled this poor worker to death. Personally I hope they find all responsible and prosecute them to the fullest. It doesn I like their store just fine, it is what society is doing to people that nobody even bothered to stop and help this person. I grew up in the 60s/70s in a small town in New England. Maybe I'm old fashioned but my parents/grandparents taught me better than this. I just can And for what? Getting a Christimas item? This is one of many reasons why I do my Christmas shopping (what very little I do) online and gift cards. I think the traditions of the big shopping day the day after Thanksgiving should go away. I really donlove thy neighbor, not trample, bite, and spit at them so you can grab that item. (BTW - you can shop online at Walmart too). I think to myself that I thought the spirit of Christmas was supposed to celebrate Christ. Oh yeah, I'm sure he is so proud of people like those who harm others and cause death so they can get what they want. I hope those guilty are sitting at home worrying about whether or not their face is going to show up on the video camera. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20081129/D94OJ4NG0.html

you sound like me - [2008-11-29]
for the past couple of years, I have said, let's forget the gifts and just spend the day together at my mom's house -- but oh no, that would be horrible if we did not buy presents. This year, my sister's husband lost his job and now it's automatic, we are not going to be buying gifts. I always wonder, why is it that one person in the family always seems to make the decisions for everybody else?

I agree with you 100%! [2008-11-29]
Christmas has become this commercialized that people have forgotten the meaning. As for the stores, I think they need to come up with a better idea than allowing these people to wait for hours outside for their bargains which only happen that one day. This is why people get so uptight. I personally don't do Black Friday just for this reason. I think my family would appreciate having me around for Christmas, not having my funeral.

We got our tree today [2008-11-29]
We went to a tree farm, took a tractor ride and cut down our tree. We have 12 foot high ceilings and usually get a 12 foot tree, but this year we put it at the other end of the family room, and we got an 8-1/2 footer. We used to have a fake Christmas tree up until about 8 years ago or so when our cat began eating all the fake pine needles. Long story short she ate so many she had to have emergency surgery to remove them (she wasnt' able to pass them) and $1,500 later we decided no more fake trees. She's no longer with us, but when she was younger she would climb in the tree and actually knocked it over one year. We had to anchor it to the wall. Our other cat never really bothered the tree except batting around ornaments at the bottom. He's been over sniffing it today, but hasn't paid much attention to it over the past few years.

LOL It went well. Thank you to everyone for helping! [2008-11-28]
I felt bad because none of the friends or extended family that she invited showed up. They all called to cancel. We did not have leftover Turkey but plenty of desert and rolls. She bought 45 dinner rolls?! I think some of you are right that this is the beginning of sundowning for them. I will have to explain this to my husband because he just thinks they are losing their minds. I heard from another family member that MIL has a stash of a case candy bars in her closet and yesterday she went in the bedroom for cookie sheets to put the biscuits on. A little odd, especially being that they have extra storage area in the basement. I think FIL took it as it was just that much less food that cost him money because he was so happy that I brought as much food as I did and kept saying how much he loved the veggie tray, etc. I think MIL was a little miffed when I got there because she didnstay the heck out of my kitchen and keep your opinion to your self and afterwards he gets the look of You have always been my favorite child, thank you LOL But I understand things are different with moms and their own kids versus the spouse, especially with females. So overall it turned out well and everyone had plenty to eat. We didn't have to run out for burgers or home for dinner.

not that i recall, curious, is this [2008-11-28]
a case in your family or on a report you did?

holiday shopping [2008-11-28]
Did anyone see on the news the WalMart employee trampled to death by the mob storming the place when the doors opened? What a sad commentary that is on society. I will be saying a prayer for this person's family.