anything positive come out of this letter

For anyone who has received a stimulus check by mail, have you all gotten a letter about a week [2008-06-03]
before the check stating when it would be arriving.

Stimulus Letter [2008-06-03]
Even though I had my direct deposited, I actually got a letter two days after it was already deposited that it would be coming.

Gee thanks for the positive feedback [2008-05-26]
I beg your pardon but I am certainly NOT spoiled. I have been in a marriage with someone who likes to point out all my flaws and correct me constantly, someone who told me I am just average looking and someone who has not touched me in over a year. I am staying for my children and have been staying for the last 6 years I've been miserable. Don't you dare judge me. Have you ever had your self-esteem taken away, your self-worth. A husband should tell his wife and think that she is beautiful, not average my dear.....I feel worthless and hopeless and ugly and hurt so please refrain from calling me selfish and putting me down - have enough of that already. Words of encouragement are needed.

Positive sayings from your childhood [2008-05-14]
What sayings do you remember your parents telling you?Do unto others as you would have them do onto you.

that doesn't sound very positive!! [2008-05-14]
x

I think the letter is fine (sm) [2008-05-08]
until it reaches the Bullying is... paragraph. I would have left that section out. At that point, it appears you are attempting to psychoanalyze these children, which is strange (and arrogant).

This is a letter I sent to the parents of a [2008-05-07]
I am writing to inform you that, after much discussion with other parents of children who are in direct contact with your son, Matthew, and daughter, Samantha, i.e. on the bus and in school, it has been the consensus that your children seem to be modeling quite a bit of inappropriate behavior, including bullying and inappropriate language, as well as not being able to keep their hands off of other children. As parents of children in this community, we are concerned about your children’s apparent complete lack of respect for not only the rules of the school and the bus, but also lack of empathy for the feelings of their classmates and fellow bus riders. Bullying is not only painful to the victim, but is also a reflection of the bully’s own ineptness at dealing with their own feelings of insecurity and perhaps a direct reflection of a dysfunctional home life. It also interferes with all of the children’s education and the feeling of safety and community in the school environment. As the parents of these children, we would avail you to please work with your children to teach them appropriate behavior and to keep their hands to themselves in order to not be disruptive and stressors to the other well-adjusted children in the classroom setting. Thank you in advance for your efforts to teach your children appropriate behavior and social skills.

anything positive come out of this letter? [2008-05-07]
x

thanks for all of the positive responses! [2008-05-06]
I did not think i was being negative at all, but here are two responses I got: So you say the only things they do is fight for our country and rights and help out in times of need. What do you think that consists of? How many lives have been given since 1776 to secure and protect those rights? Have you ever looked at the freedoms we have and the wealth we enjoy? What more do you expect the military to do? Wash your clothes. We are the only truly free nation in the world and it is because men and women have chosen to join our military and fight to give you those freedoms that you don't seem to understand. and Ma'am, thanks for giving me a subject for my Memorial Day speech in our community. The subject will be: Americans who have no idea what military heroes have done and are doing for us, thereby humiliating our sacrifices.

no letter p was allowed on this street [2008-04-23]
When my dd was first learning her alphabet we were driving down the street one day and she asks me why no letter p was allowed on this street. It took me a minute to realize she was talking about a no parking sign.

Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. SM [2008-04-23]
I hope your son realizes we all make mistakes (including him) and that he finds it in his heart to forgive. Your grandchildren need to know you and vice versa. I truly hope it all works out for you. My dad and I were estranged even after I repeatedly attempted to reconcile and he died without ever meeting my children. So sad.

sending positive thoughts [2008-04-23]
Hope everything works out for you. . My brother and his daughter have barely spoken to each other for over 12 years. . He now has 2 grandchildren. . I hope he will make that same first step you are making to mend fences. . Life is short - it's time for you to enjoy your grandchildren!

I just read a letter I received from the SM [2008-03-31]
ASPCA thanking me for my membership and devotion. The letter describes a gift they will be sending in appreciation. They indicate a gift from Miss Bea will be comiing. They tell the story of this darling little dog who was locked in a closet with atrophied muscles from no exercise, etc. This dog was living with pounds of matter fur and living in urine and feces. The letter went on to say that every time they go into the field to rescue an aminal people like me are with them. I just needed to share this with you, and to urge you to donate to either the ASPCA or your local animal shelter in behalf of these defneseless animals. The level of cruelty and ignorance is apauling. I am reduced to tears with emotion at this story, and the fact that I am so appreciated. Thanks for listening.

I would write a detailed letter - sm [2008-02-05]
to the teacher, school counselor, principal, and send a copy to the school board. No resolution, no satisfaction, no kids in your school! That counselor was way out of line but the blame also falls to the principal and teacher for not following up and making sure you were able to get a meeting. They have some nerve. They forget WHO pays their salaries.

Great and positive post. - nm [2008-01-24]
xx

Letter or card writing to Iraq sm [2008-01-11]
Get an address for someone in Iraq and have them all write a letter or draw a picture for them.. All it will cost you is to buy some paper envelopes and provide a stamp, won't cost much more for material than most projects. There was an address on here and perhaps she will e-mail you. My brother never forgot that my son's class did this for him. At that time the postage was free, not so with this president, I assume. I put postage in mine to Iraq, didn't ask.Dont know what the postage is today - it should be free but I seriously doubt it.Perhaps some parents would donate stamps as well.

Thanks for all your positive help, case closed sm [2007-12-23]
I am going to close thisquery now. I have had many wonderful e-mails and help on the board which I can print (well, most) and make a little portfolio for him to get some ideas. His wife has been working double shifts nursingto make ends meet and he has been caring for the kids and doing all to make the holiday reasonably good for them. Heresearching and the company is very impressed with all the research heand are going to travel hereto meet him and work with him to get him started, Everyone is positive and anxious tomake this new innovative product introduction a success.There are no coincidences and paying it forward has been our familyto all who e-mailed and posted positive little hints to ease the transition, we are from a small rural area and am not familiar with that area. ThankGod for good people in the Christmas Spirit. Iname and feel fully rewarded. I will continue to pay it forward myselfand Godbless you great people. We had a death inhis wifefamily over the holidays which we were unprepared for and travel arrangements, funeral plans, babysitting, eulogy, etc.had to be prepared,and youmade our life so much easier and renewed our faith. I will close the subject now, it has been a lesson in life, that God Bless!

Try to be more positive sm [2007-12-21]
I am trying very hard to see my cup as half full, not half empty. I hope I can carry this throughout the year. In the meantime, I have only a few days leftto work on it so I shall start practicing. Hope I can keep it up. My husband says I could be president of Worriers Anonymous! I think I can, I think I can - I shall! Happy New Year! Good subject.

Dog killing and mayor involved in letter writing [2007-12-12]
I am really in a twizzy this morning. Shirley Franklin, city of Atlanta mayor, wrote a letter to the judge involved in the Michael Vick dog fighting/killing asking for leniency as, how she put it, Vick had done a lot for the community and helped folks out. Phooey!!! I hope personally he never is able to return to the Falcons or any other football team. I think whatever he was able to accomplish was blown by the fact that he participated in the killing of dogs. How inhumane is that? I hope PETA gets out and strikes each and every time (if he is rehired by any jackoffs) he is supposed to be playing. Came from the ghetto and I suppose the thug still in him. What a shame. Never made a million in my life and he made mega millions and then threw it all away for ??? I am vexed by her doing such a deed and will send letter stating my feelings.

My daughter came home from school with yet another letter...sm [2007-11-30]
saying that a classmate has lice. This is the same little girl over and over. She had lice the entire year last year in kindergarten and has now had it all of this year so far. Why should she be allowed to come to school and infest everyone? I understand if this is a random thing and it is taken care of, but when it is a constant problem she should not be allowed to attend school. Last year she infested most of her kindergarten class and when I treated my daughter with the shampoo she ended up with an allergic reaction and a flaming red scalp!!! People have even take free products and left them on their porch so mom could use them. She is just to darn lazy to do it. Why should lice be treated any different than when a child has chickenpox?? I am having a meeting with the principal today and then if nothing is done I am going to the school board of education. These kids are crammed 24 in a room and are expected to share computer headphones. I know some people are going to say jeez its only lice, but ya know what it is nasty little bugs and we shouldnt have to get them or suffer with flaming heads because people cannot be clean and get rid of them. I say this kind of infestation should require the child to stay at home and no school. She has so many bugs you can actually stand by her and see all of them crawling!!!! Sorry to be so angry, but this is so frustrating. I have three daughters all with long hair and I have thick, long hair also. Last year it cost me a fortune and took forever to get everything out of everyones hair. It is just nasty and disgusting. The nurse even said they called the health department and got no help on this. Unbelievable!!!

positive thoughts for a friend [2007-11-26]
Let me start by saying I can Just when I think I have heard just about everything, something else comes up. My neighbor is the sweetest lady you could ever meet. The whole family is very nice and very giving. I have known them since I was very little and she used to babysit me and my sibs. Three years ago, her daughter was a junior in high school and ended up pregnant by one of the jocks. They dated for over a year but as soon as she ended up pregnant, he would have nothing to do with her (typical huh?.) I might also add that while his family is fairly well off, her family is not as fortunate but they are comfortable. The daughter decided to keep the baby and raise him with the help of her family since she was not getting help from the father of her little boy. I have kept him on occasion too and I just love this little guy. Stacy finished high school and struggled to get her nursing degree, making a nice living for herself and Michael. Last April, Stacy Not a gigantic sum of money but nothing to sneeze at. Let's say its a couple hundred thousand. After almost 4 years of nothing from Michael Of course, he has heard there is some money now! Apparently daddy has cut him off for some recent bad behavior and I won Not only that, his mommy now calls Stacy all the time wanting to see her grand baby. Oh BARF! Give me a break! Michael will be FOUR very very soon and NOW they want to see him? Something really stinks. Please send Stacy positive thoughts. I don He really broke her heart when he just started pretending he never even knew her. He doesn't deserve her or Michael.

Well...have taken 3 different self-assessments & all 3 are positive! (sm) [2007-11-21]
score is about 7 out of 10 on all of them. I don't know whether to be upset or happy. I guess I should be happy because maybe I can get some help with it.

I wanted to share this letter I sent to my mom who now lives sm [2007-11-20]
3,000 miles away this Thanksgiving/Christmas season.....I hope someone gets a kick out of it. I'm so sad today. Good afternoon Ms. Best-Thanksgiving-Cook in the whole world! How are you today? You know, I got really sad this morning when I was looking at all of the groceries I bought for my thanksgiving dinner. I wasn I became sad because growing up at 16, 17, 18, 19+, etc., I don I was too busy being dumb! I do remember eating like a hog though. That makes me sad. Because I didn Why didnI did other things in vain that didn When do I start defrosting it?? This is really my first real turkey! I was going to do it last year but I think I just bought a little hen.This year, we are going to have some military families come over (maybe I inherited that much from you), so I went ahead and got an 18 pounder and a large ham with the bone in it. I don I spent 200.00 on all kinds of things and now IOkay, what do I do with all this food and spices? I bought a couple of cans of pumpkin mix and Chris asked me, What are you going to do with the pumpkin mix? I was like, I have no idea. I just thought I needed it. You do something with it! Where in the world is grandma Howard when you need her to come over and bring her world-famous Sweet Potato Pie!? And your famous stuffing which I haven't had in 10 years?! ------------------- I sent this letter to my mom this week. I am a married mom of 3 now with regrets of not spending more time in the kitchen with my mom. Instead I remember getting ready and going out with friends and ditching her on Thanksgiving and returning home late at night and eating leftovers. What I wish I knew then what I know now...and need to know now...

I think that is really a touching letter. sm [2007-11-20]
I could send the exact same letter to my mom, unfortunately she is no longer here. Not trying to bring you down, but I am going to start paying more attention to my MIL cooking. She does the Thanksgiving dinner every year and I just make a couple of casseroles. Just may have to spend the day with her which is something I really enjoy doing, most of the time. LOL

What a lovely letter...sm [2007-11-20]
Thanks for sharing it.....My Momhow to for your first turkey and all the trimmings...Shethe secretfamily recipes....Have a great Thanksgiving! Cat

Is this possible? [2008-07-01]
Okay. I have an in-law who is in her 40s, had a partial hysterectomy (just left the ovaries), hasn Did I miss something here? How is this possible? Yes, I understand that the ovaries still produce eggs and they can be fertilized if sperm would get to it but from everything I've seen, there is no way she could possibly carry it to full-term....nor should she want to as it is very dangerous not only to her but the unborn child(ren). I just wonder if she doesn All I know is I hope to God this isn She is just not fit to be the mother of the 2 teenage girls she has let alone a new baby or twins. Sheesh! I truly hope this isn't possible!!!!!!!

I'm not really sure. [2008-07-01]
She said she was and then went to the doctor who said she was too. I don I was just under the understanding that you could get pregnant but the woman Now, I have heard of some rare cases where they have attached to organs, but that is at a huge risk for the mother and the unborn fetus with internal bleeding being a huge complication and more often than not they are miscarried. However, with her not having a menstrual period for 13 years.....I I don My MIL said she wouldn There are much more deserving people who want a baby so bad and can This woman is just a complete ignoramus. She is just white trash. I hate to say that....but she is. She lies. She smells of BO and tobacco. My sister-in-law met the supposed father of her twins in an internet chat room. He is a truck driver. Now that she told him she is pregnant, he won What the heck? I mean really! Should I just call Jerry Springer and get it over with? LOL

I think she full of baloney [2008-07-01]
Stranger things have happened, though. You are positive she had a hysterectomy? It just doesn't pass the smell test.

When my MIL first told me..... [2008-07-01]
I told her that my SIL was lying. MIL said she thought so too until the doctor said she waspregnant. Still....no ultrasound or anything performed. Still holding out for this to be a false positive.

Need to vent sm [2008-07-01]
My 8-year-old daughter was bit by a dog a few months ago by a neighbor The bite has healed, but the emotional scars haven My daughter is now absolutely terrified of dogs, and cats now, too. She won This is obviously out of the picture now. Our medical bills totaled over $800 before insurance. We gave them the bill, wanting $800 because we pay for our insurance on a weekly basis, and they shouldn We thought that was more than fair because of the trauma my daughter suffered. Well, today, they tried to give us a check for $87! Yes, that I was so insulted by this, and hurt! All that my daughter went through, they tried to give her an $87 check?!!! They only want to pay our copay! Well, I typed up a letter and returned their check, informing them we will be contacting an attorney. So, instead of the $800 we wanted, I'm sure they'll have to pay a few extra thousand for pain and suffering, and also for the lost wages because we had to miss work because of this. I can Thanks for letting me vent!

Identity theft -- never thought it could [2008-06-26]
Yesterday, I got a call from QVC. I had ordered a GPS system for my hubby and QVC called to say they were unable to complete processing of my order because my credit card wouldn QVC said the address I gave them as the billing address did not match the billing address of my credit card. I asked the rep to hold on while I pulled my credit card account up on line. When I did, I saw that my address and phone number had been changed to somewhere in TX (I live in PA). I told QVC I would have to call them back. I immediately called the credit card company. They pulled up my account and said that yes my address had been changed just a few days ago. When I asked how, they couldn They did not know if it was done on-line or by telephone. This, I don If someone called in to change it, shouldn Furthermore, if it was changed on-line, wouldn At any rate, it was changed, and my cc company tried to contact me to verify it by calling the new phone number given. (Makes no sense). Having received no answer, they sent a letter to me, which I have yet to get. One day after changing my address, someone made a $10 on-line purchase with cc account, which went through. Immediately following that, a $4500 on-line purchase was attempted to be put through. This one the cc company did not allow (thank God for small miracles). After having all of this explained to me, I was then transferred to an Identity Theft Specialist, who would help me close this account and reopen another one as well as put into action security alerts for me. For the next 7 years, my credit report will be flagged as a fraud alert, meaning that if anyone tries to open a new account in my name, the lender will have go through extensive verification to confirm it I I also had to file a report with my local police, which I doubt will accomplish anything. Local police are not trained in the same manner as state police, and I don We will see. I did, however, write down the address and the phone number that my account was changed to. My husband called the number last night from his cell phone and no one answered. He left a message stating he was looking for my name and to please return his call to his number. They immediately called back, but when my husband answered, they said nothing. They called back again later that night and did the same thing. Here I told her that apparently I was a victim of identity theft. She said that I said what do you mean and she proceeds to tell me that there have been a lot of account takeovers with this particular company and that it was determined to be an inside job. This left me feeling less than secure about setting up a new account with that company. It also makes me wonder if that My husband says as soon as the new account is set up, we Fortunately, this cc company has 0% identity theft liability, so we will not be responsible for the charges that did go through. However, the bigger concern here is that this person obviously has enough personal information about me to set up new accounts without my knowledge; hence, the reason for the fraud alerts on my credit report. I am so furious, if I ever get my hands on this person, I My husband and I have worked hard all our lives to have good credit and some skuzbucket thinks he can just come along and take it. I don I intend to pursue this fully. If it is an inside job, I will make sure that this credit card company does something about its current employee background checks. So, take a minute today and call your credit companies or go on-line and check to make sure that noone has changed your address and phone number.

Wish you all the best [2008-06-23]
Just saw your message. I always like to say something positive to people who are going through hard times. Probably the best thing is if I say something stupid I should just come out right away and say, boy did that sound stupid, that. My mom had CA a few years ago and I have lots of friends who never said anything to me and I too realize they didnother end to know how you feel when people say stupid things or nothing at all.

Eeek [2008-06-19]
As a person who worked with a trainer for a long time, please dongame all the time. Thatdon don) etc. is all attention whether good or bad. Dogs will do what they know gets them the most attention, good or bad. I hope that she learns soon. She's still pretty little, so just take her out a lot and try to make it a fun game she's playing and be excited... I hope that helps.

If you are set on closing, do not close the old ones, close a newer account first. [2008-06-18]
Your credit is based on a mix of things like history, types of accounts, mix of credit (revolving vs installment), usage/utilization of credit available, and payment history. Where closing could hurt your score is the part of the score that averages history of accounts/length of credit. If you decide to close, close out a newer account first. The best way to protect from ID theft as far as credit is to freeze your credit reports. It's around $10 per agency to freeze them. Each credit reporting agency tries to sell your their own monitoring plan when you get to the how to freeze information, so make sure you are freezing it. You can't freeze it over the net they each require a letter by registered mail. It takes about 1 month to freeze it. Right now you can place a fraud alert on your reports for free. The credit *should* not extend credit or do a credit line increase without calling the phone # on your credit report first. You only need to do it at one credit reporting agency and the other ones will be notfied. The number for equifax fraud alert 1-888-766-0008. It's automated. If you are concerned about ID theft try one of the monitoring plans. I've tried a few of them and Equifax has the best one. Their Score Watch is great, you set the limits to be notified and any change they send an email literaly the next day. I used it after I discovered ID theft. It might be a waste of money for you. I would place the fraud alerts, then the freeze, and check your reports 2x per year. I've had ID theft as far as my name/social but what concerns me more than credit ID theft is bank account theft. I don't know how we can fight that. It seems like consumers get the raw end of the deal as far rights when deposit accounts are stolen.

I have often thought the same thing. SM [2008-06-10]
Maybe some of the people who post such harsh comments will one day be facing a similar situation and need to vent or get a positive word. We should all try to lend a shoulder and an ear.

The ripple effect or Karma [2008-06-10]
I feel for the people who come to get advice or even vent and they get such negative comments when the person giving the negative comments does not know the entire situation. I once posted wanting to know if anyone knew of any self-help books for people who are in difficult marriages and how to feel good about yourself and all I received were posts saying divorce, take the kids and leave, etc, etc. I was not in a situation that would warrant leaving. But I too have read the posts below and there really are some terrible posts from people. I often think about a news story I heard awhile back about some lady who posted something on the internet about some girl and how she wasnnasty-grams and hurting others. I do believe in Karma and the Ripple effect and one day this will come back and bite them in the you know what.

Here is how it is done (sm) [2008-06-05]
We have (thank God) excellent credit scores and here is how we did it. We started by opening an account right after we were married that offered no payments/no interest. You The trick was this: We paid it off before it came due, and then we had the account closed. We called the credit card company (the one that issued the card) and requested that they close the card at our request and report it to the bureaus as such. By law this is what they then have to do. They also have to send you a letter stating such. After about 3-4 years of this, always making sure we could pay off the cards, we had excellent credit established. Here is why you should never just cut up the cards withough cancelling them: Fraud. If you have a credit account that you do not use and you put it to the back of your mind, you move or your mail gets lost and some sort of information just happens to be sent to someone else regarding this account, it is entirely possible that they will use it. Another reason to cancel these cards: They will show up on your report and actually drag your score down for having too many revolving cards. Basically it means that you have too many active accounts that, if you used, would put you in a financial bind. We were lucky enough when we were first married to have a close friend, who happened to be a loan officer, explain the whole credit thing to us. We never borrow money we don It has really paid off. Hope this helps someone. HC

I did 2 years ago. BEST decision I ever made for myself. [2008-06-04]
I was 44 when I had the surgery. I went from a 36 DDD/E to a 36 B/C, and I'm ridiculously happy about it. No more aching back. The grooves in my shoulders are almost gone. Clothes fit, and I am much more active, so I generally feel better. I had my surgery as an outpatient. Surgery was at 8:00 a.m. and by 3:30 I was home. I won't lie to you. It was pretty painful immediately afterwards, but that's what meds are for. These are extensive incisions with layers of stitches and staples. You have to expect pain. I also had an On-Q pump for pain medication. But to be honest, I really don't think that helped all that much. I was part of a study for that, and I know that our hospital has recently stopped using it. I guess the feedback wasn't very positive. Mostly, I took Percocet for about a week. I had drains on both sides, and the pain was MUCH better once those were removed about 3 days after surgery. So the worst of the pain was during the first three postop days. After that, I was usually pretty good during the day with just Tylenol and an occasional Percocet. I did take the Percocet at night. Sleeping was tough for a while because positioning comfortably was difficult. After the drains were removed and then all of the staples and sutures (about a week), I was up and out of the house and doing my normal activities. I just wasn't doing anything high impact. A month after the surgery, I did a slow but steady 8-mile hike with a daypack on and even camped in my tent and slept on the ground for two nights. I was fine. Not absolutely pain-free, but active and happy and looking great. I gotta tell ya! To be 46 and have perky breasts makes me smile. My scarring isn't bad at all. (Thank you Mederma!) But I never planned to do a layout for Playboy, so a few red lines under my clothes don't bother me at all, especially because I'm able to walk about without a bra, if I really want to. :) The pain is just a distant memory now, and soooo worth it. My plastic surgeon told me that breast reduction surgery receives the most positive feedback from patients, more than any other plastic surgery procedure. I can't remember the exact figure, but something like 95% of women say they are pleased they had the surgery and are happy with the results.

Stimulus checks [2008-06-03]
I had a letter a few months ago but not a week before it should have been mailed. According to the website mine was to be mailed NO LATER than 5/23 - and I still don't have it. :(

Stimulus Letter [2008-06-03]
Even though I had my direct deposited, I actually got a letter two days after it was already deposited that it would be coming.

Update [2008-06-01]
Some of you may recall a few weeks ago when I posted about getting into a verbal altercation with the mother of a child on the opposing team. I just wanted to give those of you who commented an update. We played that team again yesterday and the mother was there standing where I normally stand. I chose this time to stand on the opposite side of the field, even though my view was a little obstructed. I said nothing to her the entire game and didn I took your advice and kept my mouth shut. We lost the game, but that's okay because I had the chance firsthand to see the embarrassment a child suffers when parents get out of control Earlier this week, it was team picture night. The mother of the child on the opposing team was there, as was her husband who is one of the assistant coaches for their team. He made a nasty comment about the manager of his own team (using 4-letter words in front of the team) because the manager didnfired him from his assistant coaching position. So instead of just his mom standing in my usual spot, his dad was there, too. I can only imagine the embarrassment their child must have felt because his dad was not on the field. I know now that my actions could have caused me to be suspended from even watching a game or 2. I wouldn So thanks to all for your good advice. I have spent the last several weeks videotaping my kids rather than worrying about who

IA MT..see inside.. [2008-05-30]
You all condemn Done's husband, though we do not even know what he wrote in this 'notorius' letter. How can you then judge and label him? I said it already before, some people - I am not referring to Done - perceive even constructive criticism as abuse. For instance, if a person is obese and somebody tells this person who cannot stop eating...'I think you should really lose some pounds...' Some people call this 'abusive', 'rude', insensitive, etc.............

Define "really abusive" [2008-05-29]
That phrase alone tells me you have never been in an abusive relationship. Writing a letter describing flaws can be just as demeaning (read abusive) as telling her to her face. Unless, you have been in a similar situation, you really have no right to say her husband is not really abusive. Mental abuse is just as debilitating as physical abuse, and that is exactly what the letter was intended to be. And yes, I too believe in marriage, but a date night isn't going to change the abusive type of behavior.

You've got to be joking - you are so insensitive [2008-05-27]
I read this post and couldn't believe it. She asked for positive feedback and you tell her this? What kind of a person are you? Sheesh. Her husband certainly does not sound like he has a lot of good qualities. To write a letter to your wife pointing out all the flaws. And then you tell her she is spoiled and unthankful???? With friends like you who needs enemies. “Ms. Done” sounds like she needs encouragement and reinforcement and some love and self esteem. Nobody should listen to your words. I don’t know who is worse you or her husband. To Done: My situation is not as bad as yours but I’ve had my moments. Luckily I don’t have children, so I don’t have to face the situation and struggles that you do. I have been married for 25 years. My husband doesn’t beat me. We laugh a lot, but sometimes I can’t put it into words but sometimes I too feel like I’m no longer in love with him (not all the time, just moments here and there). Other days I just go through the motions of breathing, working, and daily routine stuff. People who don’t know you or your situation will just tell you in an instant to leave but its not that easy and they are not standing in your shoes. Years ago mine told me I was dumpy and acting like an old lady (I was 43 at the time). He told me that when I sit and do cross stitch I look like an old lady. He tells me in an instant if I'm doing something wrong. Once time I said something to him and he came back with “you must have been a mean kid growing up saying hurtful things. I’ll bet you didn’t have many friends”. Talk about being taken aback I was too shocked to even think of a response to say. For the most part we laugh a lot, but there are days that I wonder why in the world I hastened into marriage and believe that I have done something horrible thing in a previous life and this is karma. But that’s just my struggles I will deal with. On another note, I am a child of an unhappy marriage. I won’t put blame on either my mom or my dad. They were going through their times and my sister and I were too young to understand the troubles or feelings they were going through. My baby sister died when she was 16 months old from meningitis and I know that was a big strain. Anyway…my dad stayed until my sister and I were old enough to understand what was going on, but it was not a happy home with all the fighting. When I turned 16 my mom and dad sat down with my sister and I and told us they were separating. I think I probably shocked them both because I said to them “It’s about time”. I told them all they do is fight and if they are not happy together why are they staying together. I said as long as they were happy I was happy and if being separated means them being happy then I’m for it as long as I can see them both as much or whenever I want to. You might want to talk about seeing a counselor together and maybe they can help work out the problems with you and your husband. I don't know your husband or what he's like. I'm sure he has some good qualities, but if he does not want to contribute and work it out and thinks he is perfect and does nothing wrong and that writing you a letter pointing out your flaws is an okay way for a husband to treat his wife and if he won’t get counseling and doesn’t want to keep the marriage together then there are always other options. I think most kids are a lot tougher than parents believe, and if you decide to leave with the help of a counselor or someone (other than your husband) to talk to them I’m sure they will make it through just fine. I wish my mom and dad had divorced a long time before they actually did so they would have been happier. It was very hard to see them both unhappy. On the other hand you could be like me Irish friend and dish back to your husband what he gives to you. I’d say you should write him a letter pointing out all his flaws and insecurities. Then when he doesn’t seem too happy about it tell him… “There see how it feels? You don’t like it do you”. Anyway…I wish you the best and hope you find happiness soon, and please don’t listen to EvaEv. She sounds like a real piece of work. – Hey maybe she is your husbands sister. Sounds like two peas in a pod! Just remember….you have great worth, and you are a good person and you deserve to be happy and your kids will be much happier knowing you are happy.

Thank You [2008-05-27]
Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I think I just needed to hear some positive remarks from people who have been in my shoes. I'm sure my kids sense something something is different as we are no longer loving at all and other than speaking when spoken to, I am generally silent. Thus, why I feel so alone all the time. I liked the comment that I should fire the husband back a letter but unfortunately, I am too nice. I did sit him down and tell him how I felt, in which he apologized and promised to work harder and in fact, has done a bit better, but when you are out of love, you are out of love and if that makes me selfish that I want to be important to someone and loved by someone and cherished, so be it. Once negative comments are shot at someone, there are only so many years one can take it. I hope to make a decision soon, still going through the positives and negatives. I will have to work full-time for the first time in 16 years but so be it, like the poster above it will be worth it to be free! Thank you again for helping me when I was feeling down.

Done [2008-05-27]
Thank you for all the comments. My husband was apologetic but I am having an awfully hard time getting over what was said in his letter. Name calling hurts even as an adult. He has been trying, it is I that has a wall up and shut him out but the letter was the most awful thing anyone has ever done to me. I cannot even explain how hurtful it was. I tried counseling but all 3 times, the first bit if advice was to leave. I should explain that my kids do not see us fight, as there is no more fight in us. When we have had discussions in the past, it was done privately. I would never submit my kids to any of this, as they are the reason I live and reason I stay. They are the reason I struggle with this on a daily basis. It would be extremely easy to leave if they were not here. They are the very reason for my struggle. Is it right to leave a husband just because you are no longer in love when there are children involved? This is my struggle every day. There are days I think I can try and days I think about that stupid letter. I will continue with my struggle and thank you for your words. I was simply looking for those who could give me their experiences in staying versus leaving. My heart tells me to stay as he is not physically abusive, he is a great provider, and life would be very difficult on my own but it is hard, especially when you are feeling very unloved. God bless you all for the help you've given. Perhaps he will find a young hottie to replace me, then I can take half of all we have with a smile on my face (totally kidding but needed a laugh here).

Fo Done: Is it right to leave a husband... [2008-05-27]
My answer to your question, in your case, is: No. Maybe now you reject your husband so much because of this letter he wrote you, but I am sure that he regrets it and he wrote it in a state 'when he was out of his mind'. He apologized! It is very seldom that men apologize. Give him some t i m e to prove (oh my, I really think in this case it is prove, because it can be replaced by 'showing', but if the majority says it's proof, ok, then it's proof, I am confused now) that he wants to treat you better, give him another chance. Don't forget, but forgive. I am the only one who advises you to stay; I cannot believe this. All others give you their own 'horror stories', much worse than yours. Is this giving advice? Counseling? Keep in mind, you can often give it a try, make it a little better, day by day, it takes only o n c e to leave and this is it, it's final. Maybe if you stay, down the road, you will thank me for telling you to stay. But......if he starts to physically abuse you, leave immediatley. Now I am already expecting comments like.... 'emotional abuse is even worse than physical abuse....etc....' It depends on the grade of verbal abuse; some people regard even criticism as emotional and verbal abuse.

Marriage Help [2008-05-26]
Am hoping to hear advise from other in my shoes. Been married 18 years and completely and totally unhappy. Husband doesn't beat me, is a good provider, just not in love any longer. Kids involved under age 14. Do I stay or do I go? Trying to stay until kids leave house but very hard - hard to even look at him. He has told me i am average but he love me, has corrected all my mistakes throughout the years, because only he and God are perfect oh but he loves me more than anything! A year ago he wrote me a letter that pointed out all my flaws and could not understand why I wanted him to leave. Please advise. I am so terribly sad and miserable and don't know what to do. State I live in very expensive and would never want to move my kids elsewhere. Hints on staying in an unhappy marriage would be great.

The best thing for you... [2008-05-25]
is to leave and go back to your family where you will have the support you need. Your husband appears to have many issues that, frankly, you will not be able to fix and it is doubtful he will want to seek counseling based on the behavior you describe. Further, he may be homosexual/bisexual and this, as you know, is not something that is fixed. It sounds like he is purposely treating you terribly and this has nothing to do with something you have done or not done enough of - this is another sign of his many psychological issues. Please do not waste another minute of your life. Be thankful that child is his from another relationship and not yours - you can make a clean break, move on with your life in a positive direction, find the kind of relationship you deserve, and never have to deal with your husband again. I am aware that you love him, but also ask yourself if you are focusing on what you WISH it could be like or maybe even USED to be like. Do you really love the man he is now - the man that treats you this way? I repeat, do not waste another minute of your life. It will not be easy at first, but you will learn, grow and be all the better for leaving this man. He is killing you emotionally day by day.

My post was deleted...moderator why? [2008-05-23]
I was asking for positive energy for my daughter...why was it deleted???