when I was young

Okay, first of all, that is way too young [2008-05-30]
Is your hubby overstressed at work or personally (finances, etc)? Is he involved in too many extracurricular activities (little league, soccer, basketball)? How long have you been without? When I first read your post, I just assumed you were older -- 40s/50s -- not too offend anyone in that age group, but just because I think some men get bored with the same *meat and potatoes* and/or may have physical problems, such as the poster below suggested with the testosterone. At any rate, I I don As for me and my hubby, the motto is the same: Put out or get out!!! (LOL of course)

when I was young [2008-05-08]
I had a dream 3 times of my father dying in a burning car crash - one time I was with him.in the dream . . I never told him or anyone.. but I did worry somewhat about it. . My dad died a few years ago in his 70s of lung cancer. . I wouldn't make too much of the dream. . .

Yay! Give him a high-5 or chest bump (whatever young people do these days) for me..nm [2008-05-05]

I am not letting my young teen marry an old man. [2008-04-17]
x

Victoria's Secret models are sooo young! [2008-04-04]
Does anyone else get VictoriaNew Dream Angels on the cover. The model is a girl, in my opinion. If that young lady is older than 14 or maybe 16 at the most, I'd be surprised. I'm 46, and I don't expect VS to use middle-aged or elderly models, but it would be nice if they were at least adults!

When young, DS wanted blue hair. No prob. Bought [2008-03-30]
x

Hey, the Beatles were young once too ... [2008-03-19]
and those songs weren't too much for them. I agree that some of them are young and don't know the songs, but that's true of any theme they've done. At least they aren't having to choose songs that have been done by prior Idol contestants. SPOILER WARNING: I don't dislike Amanda Overmyer (rocker chick), but her skills are limited to one particular type of music, so I'm not sad she was voted off tonight. I don't care for Kristy Lee Cook, so she could have gone. I like Michael Johns, but his performances haven't hit the mark. I enjoy David Cook. He looks happy rather than cocky to me. He looks like he was doing what he was born to do. I can't believe Carly Smithson (tattoos, from Ireland I think) was in the bottom three. Ramiele is missing something but I'm not sure what. Chikezie is fantastic when the song is bluesy. I think Brooke White is good but a bit predictable. I enjoy Jason Castro very much. Top talents IMO are: David Archulata, David Cook, Carly Smithson. I think Syesha Mercado gave an A performance this time also. She just isn't as reliable as my top 3 picks.

Do young girls still read Nancy Drew books? - sm [2008-01-27]
I know I read them when I was around 10 or 11, but that was 30 years ago and I am not sure what girls read these days. I am trying to find someone who would really appreciate them because I believe my mom buying me my first one truly led to a love of reading that continues today (true crime no less!). I may just donate them to our local library. Any other ideas?

The update today says the 3 young men were teasing [2007-12-26]
.

Get Over It Already is an immature phrase, as are young teens who act this way [2007-12-20]
nm

I had 1 myself, at a young age, but then we had no [2007-12-19]
BCPs and ?? I did not want a child born out of wedlock, never. Had children when married and if my daughter wanted an abortion, would have gotten 1. Oh, I do have g'children by the way.

It's easy to be slender when you're young. [2007-12-18]
I was tiny throughout my 20s, too, even after two kids. Then I turned 30+, had another kid, got this sedentary job, and ran out of time to work out. Wait 'til the old metabolism slows down on you. Just try to stay active and eat healthy. All I want for Christmas this year is a folding treadmill. I don't think Santa's going to spring for it because the one I want is $700 at Sam's Club!

Yes, holding it at a young age is really easy- [2007-12-06]
but as you age the problem of incontinence rears its ugly head. As a young woman, no problem but now, well lets just say I have an appt with the urologist for this Friday.

Young Frankenstein. nm [2007-12-06]
X

Oh my. You sound so young. You'll grow up one day. nm [2007-11-29]
***

Is that to me? I'm not that young. But my mother shares your point of view (sm) [2007-11-29]
I think it's an old school way of thinking that if you are not married you can be with whoever you want.

Can i add my 2 cents worth? In a mall I saw this young woman (sm) [2007-11-27]
wearing a black plastic garbage bag! She had on black tights, a black turtleneck and the garbage bag with a hole cut out for her head and arms. She had it cinched up around her waist with a really wide black belt!!

Well people do forget - even though my kids are young (sm) [2007-11-20]
Recently I babysat a very young baby and had to really think about what to do with her! Over time we do forget these things.

I have no young kids but could guarantee [2007-11-20]
that if I had to care for a young infant, would not have to sit and think about it. Do you suffer from any sort of memory deficiency?

Your daughter is not a young child and she [2007-10-31]
I am sure knows about the rules of her school. You cannot have 1 rule for 1 and 1 for the others. The schools are so outlandish now that even a drawing of a gun, a drawing of a shooting, etc. has gotten children suspended. You are not allowed to have anything be a gun or pepper spray on the school property. To not know about nor to disregard the rules the schools have now does not fly. There is safety in numbers as you say the children walking home together. If safety is a huge issue with you, then you need to make arrangements to pick her up or have someone else do that.

When children young, no problem [2007-10-10]
because shows were not as out there as they are now. However, I had some stepchildren living with me for awhile and I put down my foot and said NO to wrestling. It was full of sex and smut and nothing even 8 and 11 year olds should watch. I am no prude but if I thought too much, it was really too much for kids.

As the mother of two young daughters [2007-10-10]
one who got pregnant with her loser boyfriend at 20 - I can only send hugs and more hugs. No amount of talking did any good - she knew better and was making some kind of statement to us and she got pregnant still thought she was a smarty pants - they then split up, she met someone else, immedately became engaged, planned a wedding and got PG again before wedding. It has only been 18 months since the wedding but she knows she rushed through everything, has regrets but has learned lessons. I would just push contraception, I would let her know how disappointed you are - you have a right to your feelings - support her in other ways if you can and try not to let it ruin your relationship. She is due for a huge fall but they somehow need to experience this. I am so sorry!!

I agree, 2 is too young for boys. [2007-09-26]
My son turned 3 in July and he has only shown passing interest in potty training. I know I will need to help him with his motivation soon, but for now I am not even worried about it. I also have a 7yo daughter who was potty trained at 2-1/2 and she was very easy. It's true what they say about boys being different than girls when it comes to potty training. I say don't force the issue. I think that tends to complicate things.

2 is too young. [2007-09-25]
He'll let you know when he's ready.

2 is not too young. [2007-09-25]
Both of my boys were trained before they were 2. I attributed that to the fact that I only used disposable diapers when we were not at home. All over the world, babies are toilet trained before they are 2. Human beings can learn this basic control very early. This is a fact. In the U.S., disposables are part of our culture. And since their introduction and widespread acceptance, the age at which American children are toilet trained has gone up. Then big kid disposables were invented, and now it's not uncommon for kids ages 4 and 5 to still have toileting issues. Others have posted here that their children trained once the pull-ups were stopped. Most people don't like the feel of being wet or soiled. When that is part of the equation, children let you know that they are ready to train much earlier than ages 3, 4, and 5.

Well, my better judgement said [2008-07-03]
My better judgement says to pay down on the CCs. My H wants to take 15k out of his 401k and be done with it. He says we are still young and we can still make it up. We are in our 30s. I really really hate for him to do that because I see how my Dad, Mom and MIL struggle with just living on SS alone. Also, it is a nice Band-Aid but if we don As far as this house goes, that is the one thing I am proud of is that it is almost paid off. The only thing wrong with this house really is that it is 200 small. 890 sq feet and there are 4 of us living here. 2 littler girls and H and I. It is 2 bedroom 1 bath and that 1 bath is getting harder and harder for us to deal with. H and I looked into another house a few years ago and we were shocked that the owners wanted 130k for a house that stunk and was trashed, i.e., holes in the walls, unfinished projects, a huge mess everywhere. We bought this house in 1999 for 29k. It is a rock house. It was newly remodeled, it has central heat and hair, it has a big fenced in backyard and a huge storage building H uses as a shop. We do live in West Texas so I am thinking houses are cheaper here. I have heard relatives say that up north in the bigger cities this house would be worth 100k or better.

He gave it a good try and simply does not like it. ALso, SM [2008-07-03]
the thought of the bugs and spiders makes my skin crawl, and I am not a young child. I say encourage the other avenues of his interest and don't force him to do something that brings him to tears after he has given it a reasonable amount of time.

Unbelievable sm [2008-07-02]
$87 was all they planned to give us. Her medical bills totalled $800, $87 was our portion. The other portion we figured for pain and suffering. We always wanted to getpain and suffering for our daughter. This was no surprise to the owner. Read the thread. I don My daughter was standing on the sidewalk in front ofthe ownerhouse when the dog attacked her. Again, if you will read the thread you Her dog has been loose on more than one occasion since the attack without a leash. The police were called, and there is a police report, along with ER and doctor notes. It is unbelievable how uncaring people are here on this board. Even though my daughter didn This is an 8-year-old child. The owners should be penalized because they are allowing their dog to be loose without a leash on a street filled with young children. I don't have any sympathy for them. It amazes me how people on this board show much more compassion for the dog that attacked my daughter than for my daughter. No one seems to care that this dog has been loose since the attack or that there were no penalties for this owner. The dog has never been impounded. A friend of mine lives next door to a dog that bit someone, and that dog was never impounded either. I think I I have been coming here for years, but for people to be so cruel here to my daughter especially is just unimaginable to me. I will do whatever I have to do to make my daughter feel safe in her own neighborhood. I have consulted with an attorney and will probably proceed in small claims court unless this owner wants to try to settle this with us. I pray that nothing like this ever happens to any of your children or family members. It It I'm done here.

I think it is a combination of things. [2008-07-01]
For one, parents don Secondly, some people just aren Thirdly, people are just lazy. I have told my husband that he needs to teach my stepson something useful that he can use later in life like wiring something, building something, etc. My husband is smart enough that he pretty much does everything around here. In fact, he is currently putting up a fence for our horses. To pay to have that done would have cost us 3K more than him doing it himself. Needless to say, we opted to do it ourselves. I truly hope that he doesn At 14, kids don You start them young and they think it is fun.

Birthday [2008-07-01]
I turned 50 two years ago and that was definitely the worst. 40 I could handle - I still felt relatively young. Also in the years between 40 and 50 I had several surgeries and my brother, father, mother and an aunt died (actually all the deaths happened in the last 3 years). Boy, it is really traumatic when you start losing your family members. I know this happens to people at a younger age than I was and I feel for them. (I also had a brother who died when I was 10 and he was 13). So ugh, 50 is worse. And you know the old saying would you rather have your birthday or the alternative. Gag. That doesn't help much. I hope you have a very happy birthday!

A lot depends on your daughter, not just you - sm [2008-06-30]
Is she sensible? There are not many 16-y/o that have not tried drinking or smoking, it is all part of trying new things,etc. and it will happen whether you like it or not. You have to learn to trust her to make smart decisions and to make her own mistakes but obviously to guide her and make sure she doesndate had MadDog, nasty stuff, and I got obliterated as I did not realize what that crud would do to me. Lucky for me my dad was out of the country at the time. My punishment was being forced to go to school with a horrible hangover (though I puked my guts out in my friendscares). I actually went and got on the pill while still a virgin so when it did happen I would be protected. --- is your daughter that sensible and with some common sense? I did a lot of stupid things along with the smart things I doing, just got lucky and came out of it okay. At 16 you want to experiment and have fun. All my friend and I were A/B students, 1 smoked and did all sorts of drugs. I would drink and smoke pot now and them (1 x a week or so), and again parents NEVER knew it. I remember one time my dad picked me up at school after play practice (was helping out with set design), I was stoned, had been slipped angel dust and had been hallucinating about an hour or two prior, was still pretty high. He wanted me to drive home for practice (I was 16), I turned him down because I was very tired.....he never knew, I crawled into bed the minute I got home. I was very, very good at hiding it from my parents, how they didn't smell it on me I never knew, unless they just ignored it. My best friend smoked and they new that so I guess that helped cover it up a bit. Despite all this I was very anti-drug (anything but pot) as I had seen too many people messed up on coke, crank, LSD, etc. I was furious with my BF's brother as he was the one who slipped me the angel dust, I got lucky as nothing bad happened to me. He is dead now, ended up addicted to coke, then alcohol, got hepatitis, car-jacked 3 cars for drug money, and ended up in prison with a 20 year sentence, got out after 8 years in 2006, then got addicted to painkillers, they found him dead in his apartment, killed by mixing alcohol and painkillers. This just happened about 8 months ago. He was only 42. Very sad as he was a smart guy but had many, many problems and never got his life together. Obviously this does not happen to everyone who does drugs, it all depends on the person and their upbringing. His sister (one of my BFs) is a successful therapist, drinks but quit smoking several years ago, never got into hard drugs like her brother. ---sorry for the rambling, but don't go overboard and lock her up, that will just make her go in the opposite direction. Obviously you need to set limits, etc, and try to know where she is and who she is with, and set punishments if you catch her doing it and let her know what those punishments will be, whether it is grounding for a month, or no cell phone, no TV, no driving, whatever, be firm and stick to it. I know that my brothers and I all did stuff, most of which we got away with, but it was shear luck and stupidity when I look back at it. Not all kids are so lucky. I hope you daughter is one of the lucky ones.

my niece [2008-06-27]
You can tell them not to be like my niece who is going to be 14 in about a week. She is a young lady now. She does not bathe, brush her hair, wear deodorant, or brush her teeth. She has now gotten over 13 cavities and will be spending the next sets of mondays at the dentist getting teeth fixed. She also has terrible gum disease. I have tried talks but she is not my child. She does not live with me so it is hard for her to listen to her mother. Her mother really isndon to my 12 year old who does not want to brush his teeth or retainer, mostly because he does not rinse the retainer off enough and it tastes funny. HA.

I don't think I would allow it. [2008-06-24]
I own three 4-wheelers. I know they can and are dangerous. I make my stepson wear a helmet and chest protector when he rides and he is 14. My husband and I often take rides with our 4 y/o son sandwiched between us on one 4-wheeler but my husband drives at a slow speed and has BOTH hands controlling it while I I also have my son's bicycle helmet on. Not only is that a lot of noise for such a young person but ATVs are just dangerous. She should have at least asked for your permission first.

Short story about ATVs [2008-06-24]
A woman I know was riding one with her 2 y/o grandson. She was turning on the 4-wheeler when it kicked into high gear and wouldn They were heading right for a tree. Basically she had to jump off while holding onto her 2 y/o grandson. The 4-wheeler then ran into a tree and did some major damage. Thankfully, no one was hurt and she did the right thing by jumping, but still. They found out that whoever had put the 4-wheeler together before they bought it had done something wrong and when she turned it caused a wire to do something weird and it made it go fast and wouldn I can't remember exactly what they said happened, but if she hadn't jumped, she would have run right into a tree at full speed with her 2 y/o grandson. Also, there was a young kid....about 5 or 6....who was killed about a month ago on an ATV. His older brother was driving and something happened and the kid hit his head and was killed. Had he had a helmet on, he probably would have lived. When my stepson has a friend over, we always ask the parent Asking permission is just common courtesy.

we were born to mothers who smoked and drank [2008-06-24]
our cribs were covered in lead based paint. .And we turned out okay. . Your MIL would not EVER knowingly do anything to harm your child. . but 9 months old seems a little young - if she were older and could sit up and hold on, and MIL drove real slow, maybe it would be okay. . My dad used to take my daughter rides on the tractor - I worried but never said anything - it didn't happen often. . I think she should have asked you first.

Yesterday at the mall I was talking with a friend SM [2008-06-24]
I met who works there. A group of young girls about high school age came up to me and asked if I would take a picture of them together. I noticed she had such a beautiful accent. I was about to take the picture and she told me to be sure to get the American flag that hangs from the ceiling in the picture as well. They were thrilled to be in America. We asked them where they were from and they said they were from Russia. They were beautiful, polite girls who were smiling from ear to ear. It was a nice moment and I wanted to share it with you.

THANK YOU for all of your responses.sm [2008-06-24]
I will definitely be talking to her today about my feelings of having my daughter on the 4 wheeler and how dangerous it can be. I know she would never intentionally hurt my daughter, but it I will have to choose my words very carefully with her, but I think I will be able to get my point across. I would hate to keep her from spending time with my daughter, but if she continues to put her in danger, then I guess I will have to be there at all times. Thank you all for giving me the confidence I will need to do this! :)

I think I'm getting better with age, BUT [2008-06-22]
I recently had a hectic day at work (no longer MT), and I had to leave to go to the funeral. I was so preoccupied that I didnLong time no see! Not too appropriate to say at the young man's grandmother's funeral, hey? DH could see I had too much adrenaline running to come down to funeral mood, so he graciously excused me to go back to work. Duh!

My lab mix was pee trained in one day at about 6 weeks old, only a few poo accidents- sm [2008-06-20]
As soon as I got Walter home, the very second we got out of the car I put him down in the yard where I wanted his potty place to be and he peed immediately. Then I put him on a schedule where I religously put him in the potty place as soon as he woke up from a nap, about 15-20 minutes after eating, and before we went to bed. I also kept an eagle eye on him almost consistently for the first week or so (not hard because he was so cute)... he stayed on a dog bed in my office when I was working and the instant he started sniffing at anything I picked him up and took him to the potty place... a couple times I was running with him and he started to dribble before I got there. Sniffing means he is looking for a place to go! Make no bones about it, he is not doing anything else! As far as pooing, puppies go pretty consistently about a half hour after eating. They have really tiny bladders so you can count on this. No matter what I was doing we went outside at that time. Whever I heard a tiny whine I take him to potty place. I figured he had a belly ache just like a baby might and usually he would go number two. The few times he did poo in the house was my fault. I ignored the whining or was not paying attention. I swear to you... Walter has never ever ever peed in my house. But to be honest, when he was a puppy whenever I brought him to visit another house he almost instantly peed out of nerves. So embarrassing. When I realized he did that I had him meet my friends outside of their homes! He would wiggle in delight but pee. But for the first few weeks, I never left this dog alone at all and my big priority was to get him housebroken asap. You may not have that option if you have to leave for work or something. Walter went with me on errands and whenever I let him out of the car he would pee. So he also loves riding in the truck because he did it so much. When I got Walter he was a little under 6 weeks old... pretty young. So I think I became his mom pretty quick and he was pretty moldable. I have made plenty of mistake, though, like letting him sleep on my bed and now he is 120 pounds and still does that. I don Good luck!

When puppy does her business where you want her to, reward her with a piece of food treat. [2008-06-20]
And when she pees in house, use paper towels and then place paper towels (soiled) to the area in the yard where you want her to do her business. Dogs tend to prefer where they smell the odor. Be patient. This dog is young. Confine her to an area where the floor will not be damage (tile or vinyl). Take her out six times away,including first thing in AM, right before bed, after she eats her meals. Pull water up a few hours before bedtime. Do enjoy your new puppy dog.

A very good friend once said... [2008-06-20]
*If you can raise a puppy, then raising a child is easy...* I think you are on the right track. It I have a Corgi boy that did not train as fast as I thought he should, but he did get there after about 6-7 months. For me, since it was my first time, I had no idea how long it would take. It would probably go faster a 2nd time around. From some reading I did, it sounded like it should be in a matter of days, and some dogs just do not fit that mold. It reminds me of all those who told me their baby slept through the night at 6 weeks of age. That did not happen for me until my 3rd child was born. Each child and puppy are different.

Wait a minute. She's only 7-8 weeks old...sm [2008-06-19]
You've only had her a week, and you expect her to be housetrained already? And you're already thinking about giving her up because she isn't? WOW! Boy are you in for a surprise - if you keep her, that is, which at this point I'm not sure is the best thing for her, unless you're willing to adjust your expectations and do a bit of a 'crash course' in puppies/dogs. And please be honest with yourself, because if you don't keep her, it's much easier to find her a home while she's still young. First of all, it's totally unrealistic to expect no 'accidents' from such a young puppy. She is *very* young. In fact, it sounds like she's doing remarkably well for being so young! It isn't *physiologically* possible for a puppy to be 100% pottytrained until about... 4 months of age, if I remember correctly. They don't have the muscle control to hold it more than... 4 hours, I think it is? (I'm going by memory, so I'll have to look that up.) So, my next question is, how long does she have to stay in the crate w/o a potty break? Because it is extremely unusual for dogs to soil their living area - unless they either have no choice and can't physically hold it anymore, (or if they came from a puppy mill/pet store where they had no other choice but to go in their cage and so get in that habit), OR if her crate is so large that she can go in one section and then go off to another section and be away from it. (If that's the case, you can use a crate divider.) But as young as she is, she probably just can't hold it for more than a couple hours at a time. I had a great site for potty training stuff. Let me find it and post again later. It does s/l you're doing everything else right as far as keeping her on a regular schedule. For now, I'd suggest that she commes out of the crate for a potty break at least every 2 hours, or immediately if you see her start to sniff around in her crate or otherwise act like she's going to go in her crate. BTW, she should have stayed with her mother and littermates until *at least* 8 weeks of age, which tells me you didnleave them hanging so to speak, because it's the puppy that suffers. Okay, enough of my ranting.

Neither. Not seen dad in the 21st Century, but did see mom to meet my stepfather. sm [2008-06-18]
They were very young when I was born, only 16 and 19. I have a younger brother who is gay and they have both pushed him away too, though mom a bit less. They were very controlling, highly critical and verbally abusive. The only thing I regret about the lack of relationship is that they managed to drive a wedge between my brother and I. I would thrilled to see him and build a new, grown up relationship, but they have made that impossible. And for the record...I didn't see either of my parents for about 10 yrs and then decided to try again in my late 30s and early 40s. It proved fruitless. They were more angry, more belittling and just as abusive as ever. I tried, but then again I have changed and I no longer need that sort of negativity in my life.

Medical marijuana use [2008-06-17]
I just watched an unsettling videoabout a young high school student diagnosed with cancer. Had to have his leg amputated and he had excrutiating pain that kept him awake through the night for about 3 months. Doctors kept giving him narcotic drugs and he was doped up/sleeping all the time. He started receiving medical marijuana (in a controlled clinic) and it helped. He said he would be able to function during the day and get his stuff done. He regained his appetite and was able to build his muscle tissue back up(mind you this is not some dope addict- this is a clean cut high school student who used to play on the football team,definitely not someone who is going in just to get their fix). Anyway...this medical clinic was set up in California and evidently the person in charge of the police departmentof the town didnhe believed it does not work.So he called the DEA, they went in and raided the place and threw the doc in charge of the clinic on thefloor handcuffed him and hauled him off to jail. Evidently the clinic was approved, theyshow pics ofthe doctor in charge of the clinic shaking hands with the mayor and being welcomed to the city.Well after they raided his office they then went to his home and raided his home. Now this doctor is facing possibly 100 years in jail (all because some uptight police person in charge does not believe medical marijuana works and he is against it. The parentseven said what part of this don Medical marijuana helps. It rejuvinates the brain cells, brings back hunger so cancer patients and others with serious illness willbe able to eat and get better and not be suffering with pain. No instead they want to dispense drugs by the pharmaceutical companies that are killing people and keeping them comatose. It just makes me sick that this form of treatment is not being allowed for more people who need it (not just want it to get high - but actually need it). This is why we need to get rid of big government. Give the power back to the people where it belongs.

Wow. I am in the same position but with three kids BEGGING me to... [2008-06-17]
divorce their day. He is absolutely horrible. He is verbally abusive, mentally abusive, emotionally abusive, horrifically financially abusive, etc... I could go on and on and on. I had the same question when my three children were young. They are all a year apart. I knew if I divorced him when they were very young, he could partial custody or certainly visitation rights. Now, I don't care. They are 14, 13, and 12. I am going to give them the choice of whether or not they want to see their dad, which from what they tell me, they say they won't be happy until he is dead. Sad situation for those of us in it. You are in my thoughts. It's a brutal situation to be in. I know...I am there.

I usually try the feed store first, [2008-06-16]
they used to carry something called yellow marlin, but I warn you, it is highly poisonous, a consideration if you have young ones about or curious animals inside. They carry a small jug like contraption you put water in to draw wasps and they can't get out, but I don't know about fruit flies or gnats. Good luck.

So, so sad. Especially Father's Day weekend. [2008-06-13]
He will be so terribly missed, especially during the election coverage. I will remember him with the white board and writing all over it. I always enjoyed watching him. He sure knew his stuff. Way too young.

If you would like to further educate yourself on this issue [2008-06-12]
INTERESTING ARTICLE I realize this is very long, but as an expert in this field, I want to re-post information I sent, in September, to another blogger concerned about the Best Friends summit. I want to emphasize that the following information is based on years of dedicated research, and decades of dog training experience. I do not simply pass along information I've heard or read somewhere...which is sadly what most people, on all sides of dog-related issues, do. I recognize that some of your readers may find parts of it quite controversial. That's okay. Facts are facts, even if they conflict with some other [expert's] unresearched opinions. As such, I've opted to leave those sections in, because they're vital in refuting unfounded notions about dogs, canine genetics, and dog behaviour, which lead to myths about canine aggression. Any individual point of controversy should not take away from the overall message of fact and reason that does not support the view that any entire dog breed could be considered dangerous. Only once people stop repeating inaccurate information (no matter how good it may sound), will we ever hope to get to the heart of this issue, and start reducing the number of unprovoked dog bites. The following was written off the top of my head, in response to concerns about the Best Friends' agenda. It is not a composed article meant for publication. Please also keep in mind, it has a decidedly Canadian perspective, although there is ample U.S. data referenced. This is what I wrote (with a few minor clarifications): Dear (blogger), As you know, I am an expert in Canadian dog bite statistics. After years of research, there are a number of interesting facts I right here, in one place. The situation with unprovoked dog bites is not what nearly everyone believes it to be. If I had one pet peeve, it is that most people merely repeat things they�ve heard or read. They don�t really know if what they�re saying is true or not. They merely �believe� those things to be true, and that�s enough for them, I guess. You know what I say, �No matter how often or loudly a myth is repeated, it is still just a myth.� Some people simply like agreeing with others. Some like to pretend they�re especially knowledgeable or have unique insight. Whatever the source for so many of these myths, years of research has proven the majority of beliefs I encounter about dogs are simply untrue. Whenever discussing the issue of dangerous dogs, it's always important to remember a few key points about the dog bite statistics (especially as they pertain to Canada): 1. The most dangerous breeds in Canada are, in order: German Shepherd, Cocker Spaniel, Rottweiler, and Golden Retriever. Why do I say this? Well, this is not dog bite data, but rather dog attack data based on the reporting information from the Canadian Hospital Injury Reporting and Prevention Program (CHIRPP). The CHIRPP members (hospitals, and reporting physicians and nurses) have no reason to lie about the information they receive, surrounding the breed of dog that has attacked. Why do I say the most dangerous? Well, because the CHIRPP data only applies to the most severe dog attacks (i.e. those injuries serious enough to require treatment in hospital). These are not little nips that can be treated with ice or even a band aid. These are severe dog bite injuries that need to be treated in hospital. The dogs that cause the most serious injuries in Canada belong to the above-mentioned breeds, more than any others. Unlike municipal dog bite data (where any bite, no matter how inconsequential, or even against other animals, is counted), the CHIRPP data only relates to the most serious dog attacks against human victims. 2. 'Pit bulls' are rarely in the #1 spot in dog bite statistics. Any measures to restrict or ban the #2, #5, or #37 'breed' of dog in the dog bite statistics, but not #1, is pure hypocrisy. As faulty as the logic may be, if you're going to ban or restrict a type of dog in an attempt to reduce the number of dog bites, then it must be the ones who bite the most and/or cause the most serious injuries. Either way, that 'breed' is not 'pit bulls'. 3. There hasn't been one confirmed death of a child attributed to an unprovoked attack by a 'pit bull' in Canadian history. (There has been one unconfirmed death.) 4. The very first human fatality attributed to an unprovoked attack by a 'pit bull' in Canadian history occurred in May of 2006. Until then, every insinuation or claim about Canadians being in danger of being killed in unprovoked attacks by 'pit bulls' was totally unfounded. (In the Ontario case in May, the dog was actually only part 'pit bull'. It was a Labrador Retriever/'pit bull' cross, and the dog's owner was the victim.) (It should be noted that there have been at least two human fatalities in Canada attributed to unprovoked attacks by Labrador Retriever crosses, yet this was the first for a 'pit bull' cross.) 5. Municipal dog bite statistics often combine reported dog bite data against both humans and other animals. While I don�t have any problems with doing so, those citing combined statistics must be aware that the majority of the dog bite reports aren�t against people. To imply otherwise is, at best, misleading and, at worst, dishonest. For example: Toronto has arguably the largest municipal �pit bull� population in Canada. In 2004, 12 of the city�s estimated 30,000+ �pit bulls� had been reported for biting. (That�s about 0.04% of the population, by the way; leaving 99.96% of Toronto�s �pit bulls� completely innocent of such allegations.) However, the majority of those reported bites were against other animals. Only 2 of the 12 could even begin to be called �attacks� against humans. So, when 2 out of at least 30,000 dogs of a loosely-defined type are involved in attacks in an entire year, is that really justification for not just trying to ban or restrict them, but for making sweeping generalizations about all the rest? 6. No matter what dog �breed� tops the dog bite statistics, the vast majority of bites are still attributed to other breeds. To better help people understand the absurdity of a breed-based approach to dog bite prevention, let�s imagine that �pit bulls� are responsible for a virtually unheard of 10% of bites in some Canadian city. That still leaves 90% of biting dogs unaffected by any breed-based approach. This is the primary reason why breed bans have been such a colossal failure wherever they�ve been tried. The majority of biting and attacking dogs are not affected, so their owners are free to continue to behave negligently. 7. All dogs can bite. There is no such thing as a breed of dog that has never bitten, never attacked, never maimed, or never killed (a person or other animal). 8. It is the size of the victim, not the dog, which best predicts severity of injury in an attack. While even the very smallest dog breeds have killed humans, the very largest dog breeds are rarely involved in attacks. 9. Adults are rarely seriously injured by dogs of any size, while children are the most common dog bite victims. Their attackers range from the very smallest to the very largest dog breeds. 10. The dogs actually involved in attacks are not genetically related in any meaningful way. This goes right to the heart of common, yet completely unscientific, baseless claims about allegedly inheriting aggressive behaivours or being bred for aggression. In short, the dogs involved in attacks are not closely genetically related to one another. This tends to refute the idea that the attack was due to some aberrant inherited gene. Think about it. What could the Dalmatian that bit off a boy�s nose 10 years ago and the Golden Retriever that left 76 stitches in a girl�s face, just a few years ago, possibly have in common, from a genetic standpoint? Is anyone really trying to suggest they�re genetically related, and both inherited some sort of as-yet-undiscovered �attack gene�? Even the Rottweiler that killed a child in New Brunswick and the Rottweiler that killed a child in Ontario don�t share any common ancestors in their pedigrees; making the whole notion of a shared genetic cause for attacks completely ludicrous. Put simply, the individual dogs involved in unique attack incidents are not genetically related in any way other than that which makes them dogs. 11. Psychology defines aggression as learned behaviour. I�ve been researching dog biting incidents since 1999. I have yet to find a dog involved in an attack that didn�t have a known history of aggressive behaviour. Aggression has to be learned and practiced before it is perfected. I have yet to come across a case of a dog that attacked unprovoked, without ever having barked menacingly, growled, lunged, snapped, or what have you. This completely refutes the (quite silly) urban myth that �some dogs just turn�, or that dogs can be THIS unpredictable. (i.e. friendly family pet with no history of ever having behaved aggressively one minute; then savage, unprovoked attacker the next) As an experienced dog trainer (one who has spent many of those years SUCCESSFULLY re-training aggressive dogs), I can attest that dogs are not all that unpredictable. Sure, they might do something out of the ordinary, every now and then. However, for a dog to suddenly behave aggressively in a way that is truly threatening or injurious, it must have practiced those behaviours in the past. This is the nature of all learned behaviours. Only practice makes perfect. (I can elaborate more on that, if you wish.) It�s as though people can�t imagine any other form of aggressive behaviour, other than biting. To help them along, I must point out that aggressive behaviours follow a fairly predictable scale of escalation. It may begin with staring or raised hackles (all merely indicating discomfort with a situation). That can lead to raised lips, growling, stiffened body posture, menacing barking, lunging, and attempted bites. Long before an unwarranted bite ever occurs, there are a litany of warning signs that the dog will eventually bite. Even the most die-hard dog fighting breeders admit they have to start their puppies very young (often at six weeks), to turn them into superior fighters. When asked why they have to spend so much effort training their (allegedly bred-to-fight) dogs, none can provide a scientifically or practically sensible response. Most use made-up terminologies to emphasize what they believe are inherited traits, while playing down the daily training they force on the dogs. Yet it is clear that, without this ongoing encouragement, the dogs don�t become proficient fighters. I�ve researched so many cases where the owner has allegedly claimed the attack was the first time the dog behaved aggressively, I now pay little heed to such statements. The neighbours almost always tell a very different story. To use a more famous case as an example, little Courtney Trempe was killed by a dog the owner claimed had never behaved aggressively before. The owner went on to say he �couldn�t have known� the dog would attack, because it had never tried to bite a person. Well, it turns out the dog had not just attacked previously, but had actually killed two neighbourhood dogs in the past. That is an aggressive dog, by anyone�s standards. But it does bring me to my next point� 12. Aggression is aggression is aggression. The idea that aggression can be species-specific is not based in any kind of scientific, statistical, or practical data. It seems to be little more than wishful thinking. Those perpetuating this notion tend not to have even attempted to validate this theory in any way. There is a very disturbing myth being promulgated by a number of groups that should know better than to perpetuate unfounded myths. The idea that aggression towards other dogs is markedly different than aggression towards humans is scientifically and statistically baseless. (But I realize a lot of people learned this myth, and repeat it as though it is true.) I have to point out that the real-world data, in no uncertain terms, clearly refutes such theories. Of the dogs involved in their first aggression incident towards a human, the vast majority had behaved aggressively towards other animals (usually other dogs) in the past. Of the dogs involved in their first bites against humans, where the dog had no history of aggression towards humans, the majority had behaved aggressively towards other animals (usually other dogs) in the past. Of the dogs whose first bite against a person resulted in that individual�s death, and where the dog had no history of aggressive behaviour towards humans, every one of the cases I�ve investigated involved dogs that had behaved aggressively towards other dogs in the past. (see the Trempe case example, above) So, while some aggressive dogs may, for now, limit their aggressive behaviour to other animals, it in no way guarantees it will remain that way forever. Most, if not all, the first-time human biters had only behaved aggressively towards other animals, in the past. Their owners, having believed the myth that aggression is species-specific in dogs, are always surprised when their dog-aggressive dogs bite someone. Again, dog-aggression could remain contained, for a number of social and environmental reasons. Statistically, these dogs are equally as likely to bite a human, one day. Dogs with histories of aggressive behaviour (towards either humans or other animals) are almost exclusively involved in unprovoked biting incidents. 13. Nearly all unprovoked dog bites would not be prevented by dog control laws. Since dog control laws typically only apply to the conduct of owners (and their dogs) when they�re on public property, it completely negates their ability to affect the circumstances that lead to the vast majority of unprovoked dog bites. When it comes to total dog bite numbers, almost all take place on the owner�s property. When it comes to reported dog bite numbers, the overwhelming majority take place on, or directly adjacent to, the owner�s property. Supervised dogs in a public place account for less than 1% of all bites. This makes public restraint laws especially ineptly-aimed and ineffective in reducing dog bites. Most unprovoked biting incidents involve (typically an unsupervised) dog known to the victim. Whether or not the victim knows the dog, the bite usually takes place on the owner�s property (where the dog is either loose or tethered), or directly adjacent to the owner�s property (where the dog was either allowed to venture off the owner�s property, or �escaped�). Very few unprovoked biting incidents involve a supervised dog. Simple supervision appears to be very effective in preventing dog bites. When bites take place far from the owner�s property, the dogs involved were most likely loose, roaming, unsupervised dogs. Simply put, public restraint laws don�t target the situations that actually lead to unprovoked dog bites. 14. Cities that address the real causes of unprovoked dog bites (i.e. lack of supervision & lack of socialization and training) are hugely successful in reducing the number of dog bites. Calgary is the best example we have in Canada. They reduced dog bites by 70%, even during a period where the population doubled. Calgary�s approach was to first enforce existing laws. They strictly enforce licensing, and boast a licensing rate of 90% (compared to most cites� 10-20%). In this way, they have a better handle on the dog population in their community, which helps in making decisions and drawing conclusions. They also have a zero tolerance policy for acts of aggression. (Something I�m personally totally in favour of. Dogs are not weapons, and anyone who unethically uses a dog for that purpose shouldn�t be allowed to own one.) Any report of aggressive behaviour of any kind results in a visit from animal control and a warning. City officials are clear, in that they agree one of the biggest aspects of their success was the creation of ample off-leash areas for dogs to be exercised, socialized, and trained off-leash. With reportedly the largest number of off-leash parks in Canada, it�s no coincidence that Calgary also has the lowest dog bite rate of any major city in Canada. Several years ago, I made this prediction, �When the studies are done, we�ll find the cities with the best access to off-leash parks are also the cities with the lowest percentage of dog bites.� Calgary certainly suggests my prediction was correct. Finally, Calgary increased the penalties for some transgressions. Combined with increased enforcement, the large percentage of licensed dogs, along with the higher fines, has led to Calgary�s animal control department becoming financially self-sufficient. It�s win, win, win, in Calgary, all because they addressed the real causes for unwarranted aggression in dogs. 15. Breed-specific approaches to dog bite prevention have failed. There isn�t one region that can claim a reduction in the number, or severity, of dog bites as a direct result of banning a breed of dog. In Winnipeg, officials promoting the city�s long-time ban on �pit bulls� often misleads the public by stating ��pit bull� attacks� have been eliminated. Well of course they�ve been eliminated. �Pit bulls� are banned in Winnipeg. You don�t have to be rocket scientist to figure that out. There are also no wooly mammoth attacks or saber toothed tiger attacks, either. When Winnipeg banned �pit bulls�, German Shepherds, and their crosses, were far and away the most common biters in that city. After �pit bulls� were banned, there was an average of close to 50 more bites per year, for the following decade. In addition to the rise in overall dog bites, the number of bites by German Shepherds and crosses, Labrador Retrievers and crosses, Terriers crosses, and Rottweilers and crosses, skyrocketed. Kitchener is another example. The city of Kitchener banned �pit bulls� in 1997, without ever having done an analysis on the city�s dog bite data. Only after �pit bulls� were banned was it discovered they were #8 in the 1996 dog bite statistics, �right behind #7 Poodles,� as it is commonly said. In what could only be a deliberate attempt to mislead the public, officials immediately halted the collection of dog bite data by breed. Even so, while we don�t know which breeds have been doing the biting, we can still determine if the �pit bull� ban has been effective in reducing dog bites in Kitchener. Every animal bite is required, by law, to be reported to the Medical Officer of Health. With a sleuthing, it was discovered that dog bites haven�t been reduced at all, since �pit bulls� were banned in 1997. They�ve remained pretty constant. According to a BBC report, hospitalizations due to dog bites rose 25% after �pit bulls� were banned in England. Officials from most of the cities that have repealed breed-specific laws have used terms like �ineffective� and �unenforceable�. 16. All dog breeds are genetically identical. Even DNA can�t distinguish between a Chihuahua, a �pit bull�, a Great Dane, and a wolf. (Yes, while there are occasional claims of in-roads, in this area, using markers, all dogs are still considered genetically identical.) Those rare individuals with the personal expertise necessary to accurately attempt to determine a dog�s breed based on appearance alone typically are not employed in the various occupations charged with enforcing most breed-specific legislation. This leaves the subjective determination of a dog�s breed to the very inexpert animal control and shelter workers. In some cases, police officers must decide the dog�s breed, yet not one police officer is trained to (accurately) differentiate between dog breeds. The same can be said of veterinarians. A veterinary license infers expertise in diagnosing and treating illness, for the most part. Neither practicing veterinarians nor veterinary students are required to prove any expertise in breed identification in order to obtain a license. Any expertise an individual veterinarian may possess, in terms of breed identification, or even dog training and behaviour, was most likely acquired outside the requirements of licensing. Because the people enforcing breed-specific laws are not dog breed identification experts, the likelihood of misidentification is unconscionably great. (In Ontario, several dogs have already been misidentified, under breed-specific ordinances.) 17. The public is not in danger of unprovoked dog bites. For instance, every recent dog-related fatality in Canada has involved dogs and victims residing within the same home. The same could be said for the majority of bites and attacks, as well. This is very important information, in terms of quelling the public�s hysteria. �The public� is rarely involved in unprovoked biting incidents. Most bite victims knew the dog and were voluntarily interacting with it at the time of the bite. Most bite victims are bitten by their own dogs. If you don�t own a dog, your risk of being bitten is very low. If you also don�t interact with dogs, or live next door to a dog that is routinely left unsupervised, or one that is known to behave aggressively, then your risk of being bitten is virtually nil. Even when we don�t account for contributing factors (such as proximity) you are still more than 100 times more likely to be hit by lightning than killed by a dog. (In Canada, the likelihood of being killed by a dog you don�t know or live with is virtually zero.) 18. �Pit bulls� are, if anything, less likely to bite. In the U.S., �pit bulls� are estimated to make up 9% of the dog population, yet they typically only make up 2-4% of dog bites, nationwide. In case your readers don�t understand what that means, it would be expected, purely on population alone, that 9% of dog bites would be attributed to �pit bulls�. Since less than half (even a third) of bites are reportedly caused by �pit bulls�, this suggests they�re much less likely to bite than should be expected. 19. �Pit bulls� are less likely to kill than people. In the U.S., even extremely conservative estimates suggest that only 0.00002% of the �pit bull� population has killed. This is much lower than the human population (men, in particular). Whatever someone�s views about �pit bulls� might be, it can�t change the fact that at least 99.99998% have never, and will never, kill anyone. 20. 99.9% of all dogs, from all breeds, will never be involved in an attack. Huge generalizations about dog breeds is not only unscientific, it�s not even practically accurate. I like to put it this way, �If any �breed� were genetically programmed to attack, certainly more than 0.1% of them would.� 21. The media. While I don�t want to get into a protracted discussion about the lack of honesty in media reports of dog bites, I will summarize by saying that reviewing media reports of dog biting incidents is not �research� because the media is extremely biased in regards to which stories it chooses to cover. The media reports dog biting incidents involving �pit bulls� to the near-exclusion of all others. In addition, they use other tactics to exaggerate the details, such as salacious language, or references to other dog biting incidents involving �pit bulls�. There are countless incidents of media bias. In Ontario, a �pit bull� killed another dog, and it was front-page news, that reappeared in the media for weeks. The owner was swiftly taken to jail. Around the same time, two Labs killed another dog, and attacked a �pit bull� without any real media interest. The owner of the Labs was not charged with any serious offence. There are other blatant incidents, as well. One weekend, two off-leash dogs (one of them being a �pit bull�) got into a squabble, and every major media agency reported the incident. That same weekend, a child was mauled by the family�s Golden Retriever, and not one media outlet covered the story. A child was mauled so savagely by his grandfather�s Labrador Retriever, he required treatment at two Ontario hospitals. Only one media outlet covered this story in just one broadcast. Again, relying on the media for the facts of dog biting cases is not advised. Naturally, I could go on. But there you have a pretty good primer (off the top of my head), regarding the facts about the who, what, where, when, how, and why dogs bite unprovoked. Because I kept encountering the same story, over and over and over again, in my research of dog biting incidents, I was led to create a dog bite prevention strategy that deals with the factors common to nearly all the cases I�d investigated. I made it simple, and easy to remember. And I made sure not to include anything that would require an individual to develop some kind of expertise. People who don�t own dogs or aren�t experienced dog trainers still have a right to protect themselves from unprovoked dog bites. The following is what I call, the �3 Simple Steps to Dog Bite Prevention�: 1. Avoid unsupervised dogs. 2. Never leave children unsupervised with dogs. 3. Ensure our own dogs are properly trained and adequately supervised at all times. By following these �3 Simple Steps�, we could virtually eliminate unprovoked dog bites in Canada. It is not just important, but vital, to know what ACTUALLY causes dogs to bite unprovoked, if we ever hope to reduce those numbers. Obtusely theorizing about possible causes or solutions is not helpful and, as in the case of breed-specific legislation, is often harmful to both humans and dogs. If you would like more information, please don�t hesitate to contact me. Sincerely, Marjorie Darby Founder,

Good. I really hope I helped. [2008-06-10]
It is not normal 6-year-old behavior, despite what others say. It is normal bratty, spoiled 6-year-old behavior, and it is not acceptable. Since your husband won Try and stay in that mindset. Also, if you don Six years old is still pretty young and they should be doing a lot of cuddling. It will end soon enough so let your hubby give him that affection. The kidmight not be getting it from his mom or others in his life. I also don That Now if you posted it on a billboard in his hometown, that would be different!

The way I see it (and lived it) the biological parent [2008-06-09]
needs to step up to the plate and handle things. I'm sure of the woman who started this post had a husband that backed her up, she wouldn't be nearly as upset. I'VE LIVED/AM LIVING THROUGH THIS and my stepchild live with us 100% of the time (husband had custody). Sweet and first but things turned sour quickly. And guess what? My husband did very little in terms of taking care of his son, forcing him to be accountable for his behavior, etc. In turn, I ended up being the heavy and HATED for it (still am, and he's an adult now). I was very young when I married my husband and didn't know what I was in for, just as the OP. You think, how can this sweet child be anything but good? You honestly have no idea what you're getting yourself into. Especially when other people will tell you that they CAN make step-families work. I think they work when/if the biological parent is firm with the child and sets the boundaries for that child, and the stepparent doesn't have to. It's so difficult. I really feel for the orig poster.