Do any of you feel

That's the same way I feel when I'm down. (sm) [2008-08-31]
I wish I didn't exist. I know an easy way I could kill myself if I wished, but I respect God enough to know there must be a reason I'm here, but I sure wish I knew why. Yet I can see no benefit to my presence when I feel that way. I sure never had the guts to have kids because I've always had this problem. If I did have kids I would think it would help to have somebody come in and show me exactly how to react properly to undesirable behaviors in my kids. Those nanny to the rescue shows are amazing. My sister swears by Prozac for her PMDD, but that stuff makes me apathetic and boring. I'm off all the drugs now, but I can't say I can recommend the method I'm using that involves adding a bit of danger/excitement to my life. It's working to make me feel alive, but could cause problems.

Do any of you feel [2008-01-17]
like you have avoidant personality disorder? I find that I am very uncomfortable around people. When I go to pick up my son from school, I wait in the car to avoid talking to anyone. All the other people in my cul-de-sac who are my age all have get-togethers and parties all the time and have just stopped inviting me, after being turned down every time. I used to work outside the home and was a lot more comfortable around people; I dealt with them on a daily basis just fine, but with stay-at-home transcription this has really become a problem. Can any of you relate to this?? I always was shy, but now I'm a complete social recluse...

When I feel run down and sleepy I start drinking lots of water. It seems dehydration is making me [2007-09-24]
sleepy. Usually after rehydrating myself sufficiently I feel re-energized. I also sleep with a CPAP for severe OSA.

Thank you, do feel powerless... sm [2007-07-05]
here's the catch. I'm an IC. Does that throw a wrench in the things you suggest? (Yes, I have a supervisor to report to. I personally think I should be an employee but have been denied this request many times.) You mention Legal Aid as if it is a particular organization, seeing as you capitalized it. Do you have more info? Thank you for your input!

Just remember, you are not alone, even though it may feel [2007-03-27]
that way at times. I would guesstimate that 1 out of every 5 dictations that I transcribe have Depression and/or Anxiety listed under heading of Past Medical History.

I TOO HAVE FM!!!! [2008-09-02]
I feel your pain, literally, Anne!! I have had FM for almost 5 years and it hasn't gotten any better. I take Prozac, Lyrica, and Topamax as maintenance FM medications daily. I take Vicodin throughout the day, just to keep the stiffness and pain at bay, though, this just takes the edge off. And yes, I have to take Vicodin when I wake up or there will be no moving around at all. Thankfully I have a good doctor who understands and thankfully I work for a good company who understands. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice except - keep moving forward.

That's the same way I feel when I'm down. (sm) [2008-08-31]
I wish I didn't exist. I know an easy way I could kill myself if I wished, but I respect God enough to know there must be a reason I'm here, but I sure wish I knew why. Yet I can see no benefit to my presence when I feel that way. I sure never had the guts to have kids because I've always had this problem. If I did have kids I would think it would help to have somebody come in and show me exactly how to react properly to undesirable behaviors in my kids. Those nanny to the rescue shows are amazing. My sister swears by Prozac for her PMDD, but that stuff makes me apathetic and boring. I'm off all the drugs now, but I can't say I can recommend the method I'm using that involves adding a bit of danger/excitement to my life. It's working to make me feel alive, but could cause problems.

What is this? [2008-08-30]
I have been going through such odd phases lately. Sorry if this message turns out to be a long post, I am just kind of letting it out for the first time. I dont know if I am just under a good deal of stress or if this is a form of depression. My husband works third shift and when he is home he sleeps during the day..I almost basically have no help when the kids, except when he has a 3-day weekend. I have two daughters, 5 and 1. The oldest one NEVER listens to me it seems..the slightest things she does make me so mad and get on my nerves, and the little one is a crybaby quite a bit of the time. I do get mad and angry and yell at the oldest, and I feel terrible because I feel that it makes me into a bad parent. I know it makes her feel bad, but I am just so on the edge these days that any little thing sets me off. I really dont spank her, just try to give her timeouts and the like, but again it doesnt work and it is even worse when we go over to other peoples houses. Yesterday I was feeling okay, not really feeling depressed, but the two days before that I did feel depressed. I dont feel that way when I wake up in the mornings, but it seems to slowly progress throughout the day. The feeling doesnt cause me to stay in bed or anything like that, and I can still go about my normal everyday life and work, do the housework, that sort of thing. I dont think I am suicidal, although at times I think about death in general when I feel like this. Suicide in general I sometimes think of, NOT in the sense of doing it, but just in the sense of it happening..it is so hard to put into words and explain it the way I think of it, but I want to repeat that I DO NOT have suicidal tendencies. I have started to notice that this seems to happen almost every month closer to around the time of my period, maybe a week or 10 days from it starting. I havent been keeping track of when it starts though. I have not been on birth control since my husband had a vasectomy last November, and I am wondering if my hormones could be going kinda wacky on me or something. I just dont like feeling this way when it comes about and the way I am with the kids. My patience has absolutely dwindled to zero tolerance lately. Even though my oldest goes to kindergarten, the things she does and does not do still find a way to get under my skin. I dont know if this is normal or if anyone else has had anything similar to the way I feel, but I think it is either stress or depression, but I have no clue which one. Any ideas what this could be? It doesnt happen all the time, just seemingly around midcycle or maybe 7-10 days before my period gets here..it might not even do it every month, but since I havent been keeping track Im not sure. I know its been doing it kind of on and off since last week, and Im starting to think Im going crazy or something.

Has anyone tried and had success (or not) with SAMe supplement? [2008-08-21]
If so, how long did it take to feel better? TIA

Fibromyalgia [2008-07-21]
I have fibromyalgia and the pain is excruciating. When getting out of bed in the mornings, I have to take pain meds and wait for about an hour just to get moving. I am so depressed over this and the only antidepressant i can tolerate is wellbutrin which does absolutely nothing for me. Tried lyrica and Cymbalta, awful, awful side effects. The side effects of Lyrica was the awful weight gain, Cymbalta left me with terrible GI problems. MT is my only means of support as I am alone supporting myself. I had to quit a nice full time job because I can no longer work full time. Anyone who suffers from this, you know what I am referring to about this disorder being just terrible. Most days, I do have to PUSH myself to do anything, including work. I take pain meds (narcotics) 3 times a day at 10 mg of hydrocodone, I take Tramadol in between, and alprazolam with the hydrocodone for the muscle spasms. I feel like a zombie. I am allergic to all NSAIDs. I went thru testings for Lupus, MS, etc.....and they were all negative, which was good. I had suffered with this for almost 2 years as the doctor i had at the time said that he did not treat nor believe in fibromyalgia, so when I was able to get health insurance, I changed doctors and she completely understood and believed that fibromyalgia IS a disease and it was not all in my head. If anyone out there suffers from this, how do you deal, what do you do for it besides drugs? If I have typos, sorry...it even hurts to type this morning.

If you could see me, you would say [2008-06-23]
the last person to listen to, but I knew someone in her 50's who lost over 100 pounds walking with her gut sucked in and on low calorie healthy food so that she never actually went hungry with small amounts of treats so she would not feel cheated. If truly hungry, she would open a can of green beans even if she ate the whole can (I think that one was from weight watchers, but what do I know!). Good luck.

WEIGHT [2008-06-23]
Hi Laurie, I also am not one to really ask suggestions from, as I am over 150 pounds overweight. I feel horrible, have high blood pressure, and have to use a CPAP machine at night because I have severe obstructive sleep apnea. I also am very worried about my weight and how it affects my appearance and my health. I am sick of it. I have tried everything. My last venture was NutriSystem. I did lose, but I did not like the fact that they sent substitute meals if they were out of what you wanted. I am a very picky eater. Now, I have a lot of their food that I do not like and will not eat. It is expensive. Years ago, I lost over 70 pounds while living in Wisconsin. I had a diet buddy who lived in Indiana (my mom). We both lost a lot of weight because we supported each other. I then got pregnant and gained all my weight back and then some. My baby is now 26 and I cannot blame it on baby fat any more . Would you be willing to be my diet buddy? We could give each other hints and encourage each other along the way. It really, really worked for me. It is not a group per say, where you feel as if you are lost in the numbers. It is a one-on-one support. It is strange because I was just going to get on this site, as well as some others that I know of, and ask if anyone would want to be my diet buddy. I need to lose this weight, and it sounds as if you do too. Do you want to give this a try? We would just e-mail each other, or if you have Yahoo IM we could communicate that way. What do you say?

I hate the word too, it was not a typo even though there are some there....lol [2008-06-23]
I try not to use that word as it makes me feel bad...it is like a reality check.

I can definitely relate [2008-06-09]
to what you are saying. I have always been a shy person and just do not feel very comfortable around most people. With working at home it makes it worse.

stress [2008-05-07]
I had a tough year last year with my dad passing away, a very good friend passed away a few months later, my only child went off to college 2000 miles away, and had knee replacement. I was put on meds for depression and anxiety which helped, but now my daughter is getting married, I'm having issues at work, financial issues with the surgery and PT, and it's the first anniversary of my dad's passing. I've been going to therapy and she's really helping me deal with my daughter's upcoming marriage, but I'm having a problem that we haven't discussed yet. I feel obsesssed about going to my dad's grave every day. If I don't go I get so anxious and jittery that I end up going anyway. I just don't understand why I feel the need to go every day and sit with him. Is this 'normal' or has anyone gone through this too?

mt-MQ [2008-03-18]
I just saw your post. I was an undiagnosed bipolar child. My mother was bipolar diagnosed. When I was a child, everything I said was grandious, lying, keeping things from my father, sneeking around doing things like smoking, drinking. I was 8 years old. As I got older these things became much worse. I wish I had someone to keep an eye on me, but my mother died when I was 7 and my father raised 4 children with me the youngest. It is thought that with the death of my mother the bipolar surfaced. I suggest you keep an eye on your son and regulate how much time he spends with his friends, etc. You need to be involved so closely with what is going on with him to the point of knowing where and what he is doing and how he is acting from now until he graduates from high school. Kids with bipolar are very suseptible to drugs and alcohol abuse. If only I had someone to keep close eye on me and get me on medicines I would not have done the things I did. Regular medicine control is a must with counseling. An open relationship with your son is a must as well. Keep your relationship with your son open and not defensive. You want him to continue to communicate with you. Don't make him feel guilty for things he has done as this will result in immediate withdrawal from you and society. This is a life-long disease that has effects of OCD, eating disorder, grandious thinking, spending outrageously, promiscuity and doing at-risk activities, etc. He needs to be on medication from now on, and it is important that he know why and what he can expect as he gets older. He needs to know how to moderate everything. To this day I do not do anything in moderation. It is either huge or not at all, and I take loads of medications. This is an honest assessment from a bipolar person who has been bipolar all her life.

Opposite with me [2008-01-17]
I used to feel that way when I worked outside the house - some days I could barely face going to work because of all the people. Now that I rarely see anyone, I find that I actually enjoy talking to clerks and people watching when I get out. I think in my case its a control factor - now I can control who I see and when, and what they can demand of me - which was impossible with an outside job. Hopefully you Not everyoneisborn to be a social butterfly. Try to analyze exactly what you are avoiding, and why, and maybe you'll find an answer.

Many people have issues this time of year [2007-12-09]
Statistically suicides, depression and other mental health issue go up at this time of year. What with the financial pressures, shopping stress, gathering with family members you People that have recently lost loved ones or have broken off a relationship usually feel extra bad when reflecting on prior, happier holidays. People that normally don Commercials make you feel sad and inadequate because you can or your coworkers brag on how much they got and you got very little. This season is rough on many people.

The holidays are very hard for me, Christmas [2007-12-09]
especially. Both of my parents are deceased, as well as both of my DH parents. My siblings were toxic so after my parents died I ended any relationship with them. My mom used to put like 5000 lights on the tree. She hand placed each light, didn I can I have a total meltdown every year over the tree lights. I have one son who is leaving the nest next year and this is his last Christmas at home. I have another son who wants a tree with lights and all the other traditions, so it is important this year to do those. Right now I I will help decorate later. I feel horrible that I can't participate more, but no matter how much I want to I just can't. We haven We save all year for Christmas and no matter how I feel about we weren We are able to provide them with some of their wishes, though since they are older their wishes cost more, so only a couple of presents each under the tree. I have bought stuff to make cookies/treats but haven I will do some this week, but only plan on making 2 or 3 things and I My oldest is busy with school and work and dating, but he will be involved too, whether he wants to or not - LOL. I know it is hard, but try to find something to make it special. We started a tradition a few years ago. We have an outdoor mall that is pretty wide spread and they have a tram that looks like a trolly car from San Francisco that has several stops. We go and ride it around, most of the time not even shopping, just there to ride the tram, and then we have lunch. It is nippy and the tram has Christmas music playing and we can see lots of decorations, and we have conversations with complete strangers. Money is very tight this year due to the fact I haven't had much work the last 3 months, so lunch is probably out, but we will still ride the tram. There are lots of organizations to help those less fortunate. You could make coupons to give them to exchange for a gift when times are better. You could make them something special, maybe make each one a fleece blanket. They have many prints available and you might could find remnants large enough to work for just a couple of dollars. The first Christmas after my mother died I laid on the floor and bawled. I I didn I was able to pull myself up and get through the holiday, but not until the last 3 or 4 days before. I spent a lot of time away from my children taking care of my parents and I don I want them to have good memories of the holidays, even if there wasn Check your local Freecycle for possible gifts. I give away my children CraigsList is another place to try. Maybe just buying a plainn sweatshirt and personalizing it in some way, using paint to right their name, or sewing on appliques. When you go to bed tonight tell yourself that tomorrow will be a better day and strive to make it so. If you don't get outside enough make an extra effort to go outside tomorrow, even if you just spend 15 minutes walking around the yard or sitting on your porch. If you need help ask for it, whether it be for material things or asking a medical professional.

not the only one? [2007-12-06]
I hope I'm not the only one who is feeling blue this time of year. I can't wait until it's over. I have no money for gifts for my kids and I'm sick of the holiday being so commercialized. I haven't done anything - no cards, no cookies, no shopping, no decorating - nothing. I can barely stay awake during the day. I feel like a horrible mom. Thanks for letting me feel sorry for myself for a bit. Back to reality...

Is by chance this boy in sports, wrestling? sm [2007-11-18]
If this boy is a wrestler, this is common, and dangerous so that could be one reason he would be doing it. If not a wrestler or even if a wrestler perhaps make a call to the school counselor or school nurse (you can do so anonymously) first and say you are concerned about the boy. Let them be the ones to talk to the boy then parents if they feel there is an issue. They are both trained in the warning signs and proper techniques to use when talking with families with these issues. Perhaps there could be a metabolic reason for his lack of appetite and concern about weight as well. They would be able to pick up on things like this. This avoids making the boy or your own son uncomfortable talking to you about things or the other parents from thinking you are butting in. Chances are they've noticed something too.

I ran out of my Cymbalta over the [2007-10-23]
weekend, so all I'm taking is something for sleep now. I can't even tell I stopped the 60-mg dose cold turkey, but I actually feel a little better. Less apathetic. Isn't that weird? I don't think I'm going to refill it until I've seen my psychiatrist next week.

Your welcome. [2007-10-03]
Glad to hear you have a loving family. I I hope you do check out that Otep website (if you haven They have a whole You are not alone section where you can ask for advice on anything, which I think is great. I try to get on there and give advice (and sometimes get advice) when I can. Sometimes it just helps to know someone else is going through the same thing you are! Feel free to email me if you ever want to. Take care.

I don't cut but I know what it is like to be sad (sm) [2007-10-03]
I just want to say I'm sorry too that you are having such a hard time. Even though I don't physically hurt myself, I know I do other self-destructive things that hurt me in other ways. I am taking an antidepressant but think I may be bipolar, but I am trying to avoid being diagnosed with that. Just don't want it to be true. I have felt sad all day today and I just keep searching frantically for something that will make me feel better. I just want to say I am sorry you feel bad, for whatever reason, and I hope you feel better soon. Take care.

Thanks sm [2007-09-28]
It I was beginning to wonder if I was just anti-social! I love being alone in the woods, the peace and quiet and solitude re-charges my batteries but being in crowds, I get all nervous and the heart starts pounding. UGH! IThanks.

I had this exact problem. Went and [2007-09-28]
had the physical (nothing wrong). Get enough sleep at night. But could NOT make it through my work schedule w/o several naps, which, of course, seriously hurt my production. I have never been a coffee drinker in the past, but I started drinking one cup of coffee about 2 hours after awakening and since then haven't felt the need to take naps. I even think it has helped with other problems I had been having, like headaches. Now, I know this may not work for everyone, but I just wanted to let you know what worked for me. Couldn't hurt to give it a try. Research says 1 cup of coffee per day is actually healthful. You just have to find the right amount for you (2 cups is overboard for me--I stay up TOO long). And the right time to take it. Now, even on my days off I drink 1 cup because I just feel better all day. Keep taking care of yourself, eat right, get some exercise. Since you had a physical and know there is nothing medically causing your fatigue, coffee could be the thing that works for you, too!

Experience with Cymbalta? sm [2007-09-27]
My internist suggested a trial of Cymbalta as I am not myself lately, mostly because of back painwhich is a problem inthis profession. I cannot perform half of what I used to. I am at times very moody. I tried this just once and I felt awful, could not sleep, made me feel like a zombie. I have had to reject several other meds for different problems because I am highly allergic. I am afraid he's going to say that I'm just plain nuts. That's how I feel right now but I cannot tolerate the thought of putting this drug in my system. I do try healthy alternatives, PT, walking, vitamins, all that is good for me. He gave me 30 mg to be advanced to 60 mg. I have researched message boards on this and have seen very positive and very negative feedback. However, one does not know if drug reps input into these boards, i.e., promoting their own or degrading the competition. I feel this is a dangerous drug as I have a rapid heart problem as well. I would like to hear if anyone has any input on this, I could not believe how awful I felt just taking one dose. Thanks.

Bad reaction to Cymbalta [2007-09-27]
I took one dose before bed (30 mg) and woke up 2 hours later with vomiting, profuse sweating, and heart racing. Wouldn't take another pill after that. I take Prozac 20 mg now with good results. Just enough to take the edge off of things and make me feel normal.

Thanks so much for responding! smj [2007-09-27]
I really appreciate the fact that I am not the only one who felt like it was the worst reaction I ever had, up and down all night, restless legs, heartburn, walking the floor. I hope I don't discourage others but I am so grateful to you for acknowledging my bad reaction. I did receive a lovely e-mail which also helped. I am just not going to try it again and this was only 30 mg, he gave me both 30 and 60 and I don't know if samples can be brought back unopened, but I feel like it's poison to me anyway, don't know about others. THANKS!!! I'm not nuts after all.

If you do a search for Cymbalta on google, you will see literally sm [2007-09-27]
thousands of people who became suicidal after taking it for a while because it is a highly addictive drug. Then they would get on it again, and then get off and feel horrible about themselves. I read post after post (because it was prescribed for me, too) about how people wish they NEVER started taking it. If I can find the link I'll post it. Stay away from it.