Husband so disrespectful (in & out of bed) am I overreacting? sm
Posted By: Anon on 2007-07-06
In Reply to:
I don't know if this will be removed - if it is inappropriate, I'm sorry, but I want to be able to ask anonymously. I am not a prude and I don't think there is anything bad about two people in love having some really good sex - but my husband is so disrespectful - he is just disgusting to me. He is very active in church and well thought of but with me he is just rude and disgusting. We have not been getting along well for a long time so I have not wanted to have sex with him - I keep asking him to work on how he treats me first, and he keeps saying he'll treat me better if I have sex with him, so we have been at a gridlock for months now. Yet he comes in and at night and wants to mas*****te, grabbing at me and saying really repulsive things to me at the same time. When I am sitting and trying to work he comes and does rude things as well - things that might be okay if we had any kind of relationship, but we don't. We have been on the verge of divorce for about a year but he keeps asking me to stay. Yet, rather than working on a relationship with me, he wants to act like this. It makes me want to leave so bad. I feel almost abused, even though that probably sounds silly. I keep asking him to stop acting that way but he does it anyway. Am I overreacting?
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disrespectful husband
Anon, I know exactly how you feel. My husband is the same way, and he is the worship leader at our church. He had a problem with internet porn about 10 years ago, and trust me, I have never looked at sex the same way since - instead of something beautiful it's something nasty. I can only imagine what goes through his thoughts. My husband says the same thing about if I would give him "some" then he would be happy to do things around the house, etc. Hello!! He lives in the house, too. It's not always about sex!! I think once men get into porn they are never the same. My prayers are with you.
disrespectful husband
Well, I went to our pastor at the time and he said that a lot of times men use church or positions in church as a way to cover up the sinful things in their lives. Isn't that sad? I'm afraid that more church-going people do things of this nature more than we realize.
disrespectful husband
Oh, yeah I feel like a fake!! Especially when I hear, "Put on a happy face." Go behind him and check things he may be looking at on the computer - once I did that and found out for sure that's what he was doing, he then confessed to other "stuff" that he had done.
No you are definitely NOT overreacting
That was an incredibly inappropriate and insensitive thing for the teacher to say (and do). You have every right to be steaming mad. 
However....if it were me, I would calm down and talk to the teacher and determine exactly what was said, exactly what the policy is, etc. I would not let the teacher know what my opinion was, one way or the other. If things are indeed the way they seem, I would go straight to the school superintendant and make a complaint.
The reason I wouldn't say anything to the teacher is that it would give him/her a heads-up and s/he could try to cover it up and/or intimidate the class into silence.
JMHO.
I think your ex is overreacting a bit
All that your son can do is just be sure to wash his hands frequently as someone else had said. I think that your ex is totally overreacting about this. I mean, it's good that he cares about his son, but there is really nothing that the school can or will do about this, other than encourage the kids to wash their hands, etc. Pulling him out of school is not the answer, and is not fair to your son, in my opinion.
I do not think you are overreacting at all. . .
He sounds like he is very young and immature. I have a problem with people who are not willing to help, especially when it is family. It sounds like you did a lot of the work already. Does your daughter know how you feel? If so what is her opinion? It does not sound like he is putting his best foot forward for a good start to this relationship either with you, or with your daughter. Best of luck to you.
I don't mean to be disrespectful or
anything, but was really curious about this. I have had several posts deleted before, one concerning my relationship with the hubby (which was a good post, nothing negative), and now these posts deleted. I think that if any of mine were deleted for the content in them, hers should have been to. She makes these statements which some could find offensive and they are allowed to remain there, and any statements made that contradict her views at all are then removed. I don't see how what she says is appropriate in that post if the other posts were not appropriate either.
Maybe I do not understand though. Compromised?
I think it was very disrespectful sm
and I think the punishment is just. The problem is our kids have no respect for our teachers or parents or anyone anymore - if this child called this teacher a name at a mall or something to another teacher it would be his word against another's word - but this is black and white and think it was handled correctly.
I am not trying to be disrespectful but her religion- sm
is/was her business. If I was on my deathbed the last thing I would want do discuss with my relatives would be if I had accepted Jesus into my heart, etc. I really hate it that new "christians" feel it is there mission in life to "save" everybody and feel they have to convert everybody and save them from themselves. My dad has recently refound religion and it is causing lots of strife in our family which is very non-religious. No one wants to be with him because his is constantly nagging us to go to church with him, to convert, etc. He blamed it on my mom (who is dead) as the reason why he did not return to the church sooner - horsepucky as Colonel Potter would say-- once she died he was re-born 3 months later. I am not baptist, nor do I go to church, nor do my kids. They know about Jesus and God though, but I don't feel the need or desire to go to church every Sunday and hand them over 10% of our gross income which in our case would almost pay for a second house. You should not be worrying about your grandmother's salvation, worry about yourself and stop trying to save the world. I am sure she is where she wanted to be and her spirit will live on in your heart and memories.
SIL/MIL are disrespectful and irresponsible
not to mention how your daughter feels. Come on, did SIL even apologize to her niece? You need to tell them they are lacking compassion, among, uh, brains.
Hmmm, disrespectful?
Maybe it runs in the family?
You post in one paragraph about your 2 cousins, in their 40s yet, dropping dead of MIs, one just last night?
Then in paragraph 2 you joke around about dating.
The least you could have done was make two separate posts.
Tsk, tsk.
I loathe that commercial. The kid is so disrespectful. (nm)
x
reads like he's disrespectful to women in general
If he is a passive-aggressive type, there is ABSOLUTELY NO HOPE for the relationship....get out while the gettin' is good....
Does your husband or significant other do this? Just now, at 7:30, my husband came home from sm
playing sports with a friend. After showering he comes downstairs naked and tries to start a conversation with me. My "office" is in the living room and he is standing in back of the couch so I can't see any private parts, just him without his shirt, but I can see enough to know he clearly is naked! I think he wants me to be amused or get turned on or something, but I'm not amused one bit. In fact, I keep working and basically ignore him.
Poor guy. I swear he thinks he's Vince Vaughn or something. I should at least smile at him but all I want to tell him is to put some clothes on! ugh!
My husband is the same way
Something about guys and their cars. I have no kids though and recently married so we still do some of our banking and bills separately by my choice. I thought he was being selfish too. So I got myself a 2nd part time job and I recently went out and bought a newer, bigger, fully loaded SUV and I don't let him use it! lol
My husband and I are doing it right now
and it is working, slowly but surely. After the first couple of things are paid off, its gets better and faster. We have a poster board with all our debt and we redo it every three months, and I must say that you see the debt going away. My hubbie cut all my credit cards up, and I was upset but in the scheme of things, it was the best. We only have one income and its working. Give it a try, I think you'll be surprised that it actually does work. My friend is also doing it, and their debt is disappearing also.
My husband and I did think of it. NM
x
What is your husband's take on that? nm
x
Go for it! I met my husband .....sm
2 months after his wife died from a 3 year bout with cancer and we're very happily married.
Good luck!!!
My husband always tries, although he just
doesn't necessarily have the same taste as me. It is a hit and miss with him, but he always tries. This year we did not exchange gifts (agreed upon ahead of time) because I got a new house and he got a new truck. We concentrated on the kids. The only gripe I really have is that he doesn't do much in the way of getting me gifts from the kids on Mother's Day, and he's not much of a card person, although I am.
He helped me clean all week though, did anything I asked pretty much, cleaned up all day today, etc.
Honestly though, I do not agree with the posts below about making a list. I think that a gift should come from the heart and that some thought should be put into it. Things that I just want, I go get them myself.
My husband and I have 2
roundtrip airfare tickets for anywhere in the US. I'm looking for an all-inclusive resort (room, meals, activities), but am having a hard time finding one. Can you help me out with this? Thanks!
My husband
used this for his leg pain due to fibromyalgia but had a very bad reaction to it so was not able to continue to use it. He found a natural supplement online that has helped. Best of luck!!
So, you would be okay with your husband
nm
This is what my husband (sm)
told me last night. I really hope that isn't what is going on. I am going to talk to her again about it again today. She has a cell phone (very near and dear to her heart!) I like for her to have it, so that I know she is okay when she isn't home, but since I now know that she is still smoking, I think I have very good reason to ground her. Hence, she won't be needing the cell phone.
Thanks for the input everyone.
My husband only uses
regular lotion, but he does like to take baths sometimes. He was glad when we moved and got a garden tub so he could soak. He doesn't go out of his way to use bubbles, but he will take one with me with bubbles.
Met my first husband when I was 5, LOL - sm
First crush was Greg. I met him when I was 5. We played together at church. We started "going together" when I was 13. We got married when I was 18. We got divorced when I was 32. Tried again several times. Finally called it quits when I was 37...sigh.
Then there was Stacy....we were together for two years.
Then there is Tommy, we have been together for three years - married for two years.
My husband was the one who
donated the sperm and had it washed, the doctor performed the IUI, and nature created twins. It was a WE effort in my case.
This is your husband
If there's one person in the world you should be honest with, it's your husband. Don't lie about this, this is BIG...just explain to him your feelings and if he loves you and you love him, you can work it out and make both of you happy. But lying WILL come back to bite you in the a$$...trust me, I know...good luck!
My husband was gay
We've been divorced for a while now, but it still hurts like crazy. I don't know anyone who has been through this. Is there anyone out there who's spouse came out to them?
My husband did!
He had to have surgery because otherwise the muscles would have atrophied. Because lifting was required for his job, he was out on disability for 4 months. However, soon afterward a radiologist I knew had it done, and he only took 1 day off and then was back at work, not complaining, and not taking strong pain killers. My hubby is a big guy, and it was hard on him, but he's able to work fine now. He has also had cervical spinal fusion, and the rotator cuff was worse for him, oddly enough.
Husband and I have dog and cat instead!
Kids...no thank you! Decided at around 12-13 or so that I didn't want any. I'm 30 now and haven't changed my mind and don't plan to.
I AM SO MAD AT HUSBAND
I am so mad with this man. Last night he made a comment that all I have to do on my job is sit on my A_ _ and stare at a computer screen. He thinks this job is cushy. I transcribe every foreign doctor known to man for 8-10 hours 5-6 days a week, achieve OVER my line counts and bring home more money than he does and I work from home. What in the world does he think gives him the right to talk down to me? Even though I love it, this is one of the most taxing jobs I have ever had in my life. The mental drain is incomprehensible at times. I was so mad when he came up with that, I would have thrown him out if he would have had anywhere else to go!
mad at husband
Do what I do..i put him in my chair with my own keyboard, a set of headphones and told him i would be back in 30 minutes. And I gave him one of my best enunciating docs to boot. Needless to say....no more sit on my a** comments any more. I put the son in the chair too. Good luck.
Which one, the husband or dog?
He, he!
What do you do when your husband says
He does not love you anymore after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids? He left once about 3 years ago, but came back saying he missed us and loved me and that he was just going through a tough time and he knew he was making a bad choice. I thought we were okay, not smart of me, then he started getting distant and grumpy all the time again, and he told me last night that he tried really hard these last 3 years, mostly for our kids sake and because he cares about me and does not want to leave me high and dry, but he does not love me and is not happy with me. He says we have nothing in common anymore, which we really didn't in the first place, but it was okay until recently.
I don't know what to do. All 3 kids are extremely close to their dad, and he loves them so much, but I feel I should move to where my parents are (next town 20 miles away) but it will be harder for him to see them and also rent is so much higher for housing there. I just feel like I want to be closer to my family because here, I have NO ONE. I moved here because it was his hometown and he was happy. I also have the kids in preschool here, again cheaper than in the town I want to go to. My son will be in first grade and needs speech therapy for developmental delay and I like the people who have been working with him as they know his history. Am I being selfish wanting to take them away from here? I am lost and don't know what to do. Thanks for listening. 
What do you do when husband...
Ditto totally trose. Permanently CLOSE his door except when dealing with/talking about children. Work hard at your job, totally concentrate on YOUR life and family. God is your refuge..will keep you safe and won't lead you wrong. You are strong (else you wouldn't be an mtmomof3) ... you can do this. Will remember you in my prayers.
husband
he sounds like a pig... i say move on
My husband will be right over! LOL!
xx
Is my husband
Because I think we are married to the same guy. Here's my rule: I don't tell him everything, but when asked, I tell the truth. Except when I buy my son an $80 pair of shoes, I shave a few bucks off. Other than that I tell the truth. I know how you feel though. When he comes home if I hear squealing tires on the driveway or the door slams just right, I think, "Uh-oh. What did I do now?"
Is there anyone who has a husband...
like mine...he is an adult and acts like one, he respects what I do for a living, thanks me for working as hard as I do, would never expect me to do everything around the house without him helping out, and is generally a fabulous guy. Sounds like a lot of women are married to self-centered whiners who think THEIR job is the important one. I truly am blessed!
My husband...
I was going to post something similar to this...reading these threads about jerk husbands makes me sooo very grateful for mine. He's handsome, sexy, funny...works doggone hard for us so I can work PT, and still helps around the house in the evenings after work. Guess that's why I've kept him for 20 years---today!!! 
Oh, did I mention he's the bestest dad ever (as our DS puts it)...I could go on and on, but I won't...I am sorry for those who are not blessed with a wonderful man, it truly is a gift!
why the MIL and not your husband?
You are going after the wrong person. Your husband should be beside you all the way 100%. It is his job to talk/deal with his family. If he doesn't or won't, you've got a bigger problem with him than with the outlaws.
Your husband should say something
You are to cleave to husband and wife. If the MIL is not going to handle the situation your husband should definately stand up for you and say if you dont show some respect to my wife stay away. I have a SIL that does not like me either because she married into the family first and thinks I stole some of her thunder, but thank goodness my husband stands up for me. The MIL probably wants to keep peace that is how mine is, so I would talk to your husband about getting the situation resolved. Some people can be so dumb to act that way. Good luck, hope things get better.
What did your husband say about it?
xx
ex-husband
Well, Pammy,
I think you would fit right in with me and my friends' "board." We meet once a week and "discuss things." We all share the blessing of an ex-husband except one. Maybe ex is just so blissfully happy he forgot to tell you, or maybe he is just TOO CHICKEN - you think. In any case, the "board" meets tomorrow night. I'll be thinking of you.
LOL! My husband said she was just doing her job. It was probably on sm
the paper! LOL
My husband became an RN at age 43.
He thought he was too old and not smart enough because he did poorly in school. Not true! He certainly wasn't the oldest in his classes. Go for it!
Well, it is for me because my husband
is a whiz at navigating, and he can't understand my problem AT ALL. My problem is not just at night - it's all the time. I never worried about it as a kid. I was just one of those passengers that paid no attention to how we got anywhere, but no bid deal when the city is laid out in a grid. Then we moved to the South, where there is no such thing as a logical grid, and instead of being able to see for long distances and get your bearings, you are hemmed in by trees. I love trees, but must they be so dense you can't see through them??
Oh, and if you're downtown you have to pay attention to which are one-way streets. What a nightmare for a navigationally challenged woman. I can hardly wait to have Magellan on my side. DH says this model can even adapt if you take a wrong turn. Yeah!
Husband gets mad
Send him back home to his mother and let her deal with him. I would show him the door. My husband has total respect for me and the fact that I work at home. He just told his 2 children that coming to our house for Christmas on Friday the 21st will not work and that they have to come Saturday after 3:00 p.m. because I work at home and that isn't fair to me to have a house full of children and grandchildren (all step by the way) while I'm trying to work. They live 2-1/2 hours away and will be staying overnight and we are celebrating our Christmas with his side of the family Sat/Sun before Christmas. He has never and better never, if he knows what's good for him, refer to me as a _itch. I'm always referred to as "baby" or "babe". He does a lot around the house, inside and out, to help me as do I because I am a very neat/clean person and like my entire house, cupboards and closets kept that way. He cleans up after himself and last but not least, he is not a "slob" in the bathroom. God love him.
Where's your husband?
Tell this kid to get out of your house. Don't let him back in until he learns some manners. Since he doesn't think he owes you and your husband any respect, let him get out there on his own and see how the world will treat him.
Don't ever let your 8-year-old go anywhere with him. Obviously, the stepson has no sense of responsibility.
You and your husband need to tell him together that your house is no longer his home, that he is not to plan on spending summer break at your house. If you want to continue helping him with college costs, okay, but he cannot be allowed to treat you, your son or your husband so hatefully. He's teaching your son to lie, cussing at you in front of your son - good grief, what are you waiting for?
The fact that he doesnt treat other people that way says he knows he can get by with the bad behavior - he's manipulating you and your husband. Don't let it happen anymore.
Ah okay - I bet my husband knows who she is. I don't get
a chance to watch much tv - maybe an hour or two a week but he watches it constantly while he is out of town. I will make mention of her to him. Thanks for the info!
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