black and white

• Is everything always black and white? - Kaydie
  • Your sister sounds self absorbed and cares about herself only. - I have sisters
  • that was a LONG thing to read and not understand what is your question really about - Emily Ayn
    • I see your point - I did drone on and on, sorry. - Kaydie
      • it doesn't do any good...? - Emily Ayn
      • I think I would have to...............sm - m
        • Thanks m and Emily Ayn - Kaydie
  • black and white - opinions please

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I'm not sure if I'm missing something here or what, please tell me what your thoughts are - believe me I'm ready for anything anyone can tell me.

Situation - dad is out of work.  He's 72 years old.  He's going through the employement agency, applying to at least 3 places a week, if not more.  He can't retire and live off social security and military retirement because they don't pay enough.  He has been living with his girlfriend (which I consider wife) for over 25 years.  They live in a moderate size house, but it's a little strange arrangment.  He has 2 bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs, she has bedroom/bathroom downstairs but everything else they share.  My mom told me years ago that she believes he proposed to her and gave her an engagement ring but she couldn't be sure (mom and dad stayed friends after they divorced - as long as they weren't together for more than an hour :-o)  Anyway...unemployment office set him up with a free email so he could apply to places and give an email address (it was through something called ymail).  Dad said he was going to go through 2 days of computer training per the employment agency, that way he would at least know how to turn on a computer.  He's got a good sense of humor, is in just a bit of a rut but he keeps applying and hoping he'll get something, but he did tell me he has to be realistic and what place is going to hire a 72 year old man.  He's had a long history of injuries, had his ankle pinned years ago and every once in awhile will need to use a cane, but for the most part he gets around very very well.

Now...here's the deal (oh yes, I forgot to say he lives on the other side of the country from me).  Anyway...yesterday my sister calls and said dad was there (at her house) and asked if he could check his email but she didn't know how to get on.  I tried to see if I could help but we could not pull up anything and I was on my way out the door.  So I called back and this is what she told me (which is why I'm wondering if I over react or not react enough or what, or is my sister just a cruel-hearted you know what).  I told her I was sorry I couldn't help more but I had to be somewhere before they closed.  She said it was okay because it was taking forever and he couldn't wait around.  Then she said "you know dad is going to have a hard time finding something because he is so particular".  I asked what she meant and she said he's being too picky.  I again tried to figure out what she meant.  She said there are jobs he could do but he won't.  She said that he told the agency that he needs a job where he can get home at night because he has some animinals he has to take care of (in other words he can't be gone for days like driving truck).  He also said he couldn't do a job where he would have to be running up and down stairs and running from building to building because of his ankle and being 72 years old.  He said most everything esle he would do. Except that he doesn't want a job where he has to drive so far that whatever he makes would just be paid in gas to get there (which there were a couple jobs like that).  He called me and said if he wanted to truck drive he could get a job, but the places want him to relocate across country (and not near us), so he told them no.  Well my sister got upset and was telling me that he could relocate cos he has no ties there (which I was surprised to hear because she is close to him and I would think she wouldn't want him to move).  I told her what does she mean no ties.  I said he's been with his girl (thank goodness I didn't call her a wife) for over 20 years, he has a house (even though his name is not on the ownership papers he takes care of it, repairs, etc), and he has about 7 cats.  I told her he's 75 years old (to which she about bit my head off and said he's 72).  Then she proceeded to tell me he has no ties to his girlfriend.  She said he lives in 2 bedrooms upstairs, and the house is hers and she need to learn to live on her own.  So from that I took it she doesn't think highly of his girlfriend, which I happen to think she's a very nice lady.  I remember a few years ago after my mom died my dad told us what his wishes are (he has papers, a plot and all that stuff so if anything happens its all taken care of), but at one point something happened to him and my sister (who happens to have joined a mormon church) told me that if he died his girlfriend should have no say in what happens (service wise).  I knew what she was getting to because the same thing happened when my mom died.  Mom had cancer and I talked to her often in the hospital.  She asked me if I had strong feelings about what kind of funeral service she had.  I asked mom what kind did she want to have.  She said she was a strong episocopal, but my sister really wanted to have her church do something.  I told her don't worry about me just do what you want to do.  She said she didn't want to hurt my sisters feelings.  Anyway...she didn't have a mormon service, but a guy from my sisters church came and spoke at the funeral parlor about my mom (even though he didn't know her - kind of was uncomfortable listening to him, but at that point I didn't care and my sister was really happy).  However, afterwards one night my sister asked if I was upset about him talking and I said no of course not (which I wasn't).  She said she was glad because she had talked to mom before she died and mom was so curious about being a mormon and said she had wished she had time to become a mormon before she died (which I knew was a lie because I had been talking to my mom all along).  I just said that was weird because whenever mom talked to me she said how strong she was in the protestant faith.  Anyway...sorry for the side step, but I think what my sis was getting at was that when my dad dies my sis wants to run the funeral and have a full blown mormon service (which I know for a fact my dad doesn't want - he's catholic, but just doesn't go to church, but does cite the rosary and knows more about that faith and that is what he believes (he comes from a long line of catholics).  Anyway...sorry for that detraction too, but I was just shocked to hear my sister say she think my dad who is 72 years old should box all his belongings up and move across country and try to start a whole new life in an area he doesn't know. 

So, are things black and white or does my sister just not have any sense.  My aunt (mom's sis) told me one time that my sister doesn't have one shred of compassion for anyone.  My aunts dog died and my aunt cried for days and days and days and my sister never called her to see how she was doing.  Also sis's MIL was very sick and sis treated her horribly.  Sis sees things in black and white and she will say things that I think to myself how can she say that, that is not how we were raised.  Yet she always has compassion for those in her church, just not family.

Okay, sorry to drone on.  Just felt frustrated.  What do you think  Believe me you can say anything you want, you will not hurt my feelings.

I don't know if this is crunchy, but it does get sort of a crust on the outside after awhile.  If this isn't it, maybe some more info?

FLUFFY BOILED FROSTING

1 1/2 cups sugar 2/3 cup water 1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar 3 egg whites Pinch salt 1 teaspoon vanilla In a heavy saucepan combine sugar, water and cream of tartar. Slowly bring mixture to a boil, stirring sides of the saucepan with a brush dipped in water to remove any sugar crystals. Cover and boil for about 3 minutes or until a candy thermometer registers 245 degrees. Beat egg whites with pinch of salt until glossy and peaked. Slowly pour in syrup as you continue to beat the whites. Beat until cool and frosting is soft and fluffy. Fold in vanilla

Our family frequents a mexican restaurant and they have this awesome cheese sauce.  Wonder if anyone has a recipe they use and would be willing to share.  I tried something yesterday evening and it was a disaster! 

Always has been and I can relate to your distress!  I would use any conditioner but only lightly rinse it out after shampoo.  I also use a wet my hair with a spray bottle of water and use a little bit of conditioner straight on my hair before combing it out...and I always use a pick--just like you would if you got a perm or had an afro.  Seriously!  The bigger and wider the teeth, the easier it is.  Or, if you absolutely hate the idea of a pick, use a vent brush.  The trick is to not comb through or brush out dry curly hair because it will only frizz and boof, know what I'm sayin?  If a hairdryer is necessary, like for wintertime, get a diffuser so no direct blast of air hits the hair because it will frizz out.

During my school years, a braid or ponytail was my best friend.  I wish I could do it now but all I can manage are Pippi-Longstocking braids and they look kinda gay on a 35-year-old chick. 

and I wore it too!  It's not available any longer, darn it.  perhaps we should petition avon to bring it back.   Cat