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I can relate --same situation. sm

Posted By: MB on 2007-12-21
In Reply to: Doesn't that just frost your cookies? - AnnieM!AnnieM!

My daughter goes to college out of state in New England and does not get any financial aid, which makes no sense because when my other daughter was in college at the same time she got financial aid  for a private college she was going to.  Any scholarships that are available are only for Massachusetts residents.   This college charges for every little thing.   If she wants to join the gym, an extra $100.00.   She told me she needs to move in one day earlier for Soriety business and it will cost an extra $100.00 to move in one day earlier.  She thinks it is senseless also and tell them she won't be coming a day early. 


If you have outside health insurance you can probably have that charge dropped.  We declined the colleges health insurance at $1,0000 a semester. 


I feel bad that my girls have a lot of student loans to pay back but we are not wealthy at all.  We live in our means. There is no way we can come up with $25,000 a year for college. 




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I can relate to your situation...
My boyfriend and I have lived together for several years. He's a web developer and I'm an MT. We both work at home. Anyway, we did very little w/his family until this past year and now we've taken on (or been thrown into) a whole new role as caretakers for his mother.

My boyfriend's mother had two massive strokes back in the spring. She, too, had not been to a doctor in years and insurance was a big worry at first. The business department at the hospital made sure that they were going to get their money; hence, the Medicaid, Medicare process was started (thank goodness)!

The docs told us that she would never again walk, talk, feed herself, go to the bathroom alone -- you get the picture. We were looking at having to take care of her every single need and, of course, guess who was going to be the ones to "volunteer" do it? That's right... the ones who "work" from home!!! The least qualified!! Her children said, "I can't put mommy in a nursing home"!!! Where are they now? Not here! Man, they ran like scared wimps after they turned the task over to us! Oh, at first they promised to help, but that's not been the case at all.

In the beginning, my boyfriend did not see the big picture either. It being "his mother" and he was going to take care of her. However, when he realized that there may very well be bathroom trips and baths to assist with and that I REFUSED to do it (IOW, HE would have to do it) well, he changed his tune and started listening to me in regards to (1) getting her quality healthcare treatment with folks trained in rehabilitation so that she could at least have some quality of life (I was in no way qualified for this), and (2) checking out all our options.

This entire ordeal has put a great strain on our relationship and my relationship with other family members who only come around when they want something. I won't go there... LOL

Anyway, YES, there are options and these options are for HER best interest, whether she or any other family member may disagree. For her to recover, it's essential that she get all the help she can get -- all that Medicaid/Medicare will pay for -- all the rehabilitation she can get because it's worth every minute of it!

My boyfriend's mother went through very intense, structured rehabilitation programs with some well-trained PTs, OTs, and STs. She can walk, talk, feed herself now and go to the bathroom.

It's very difficult at first but, it's really in her very best interest and you'll all regret if you do not seek the care that she needs from qualified caretakers who can handle these things.

Not only that, it's completely selfish for your MIL, your hubby, and any family member to not demand this treatment that is very much needed and very available!

My boyfriend's mother stayed in the hospital for four weeks and then was in rehab for a another three weeks and believe me, it was worth every single second!

She still goes to speech therapy and, believe it or not, she loves it! She actually enjoyed her stay in the rehabilitation unit.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

I can relate to your situation. sm
I'm not interested in back surgery either, except as a last resort. I have "mild" scoliosis (mild as in not severe enough for a brace or surgery, but certainly not mild in the amount of back pain it's caused).

I've had low back back since I was a teenager, but about 8 years ago (when I was about 34) it started getting worse. It got to the point where the pain was so bad I couldn't stand or walk for more than a few minutes w/o needing to sit down. I tried a lot of things (chiropractor, muscle relaxers, TENS unit, PT exercises which I did religiously but they made almost no difference, heat packs, hot baths, Vicodin when the pain was really bad). I was taking a lot of ibuprofen every day and still needed a back brace to do much of anything (house work, grocery shopping, etc.) w/o being in debilitating pain. I have muscle spasms and now have bulging disks pressing on nerves. The muscle spasms are bad enough, but the nerve pain? OMG.

I finally got referred to a pain mgmt doctor. Just yesterday, I got my first facet joint injections with steroids (Depo-Medrol). I was skeptical it would work, but I woke up today for the first time in years with NO back pain. None. I didn't need to take any ibuprofen. I'm astounded. Now, I don't know how long the relief will last because it's different for everyone. It might last a few weeks or a few months, but I'm loving it so far! Just wanted to share my experience. Depending on your back problems, it might be worth looking into pain mgmt? Good luck!


I certainly can relate! We have the exact same situation!
Especially since our son started working for my husband, he never has to leave the house. We're back to back in our office. Sometimes I say it's better when we're fighting because I get more work done. When we're in a good mood, and gab too much!
I seem to relate

the most to tanmamma's post.  I too married very young.  1975 was a whirlwind year for me.  I turned 16 on 03/31, married on 04/12, and had my first child on 07/26!  I know I made the choices, and other than having a wonderful son, if I could go back and live my life again I would not make the same choices.  Then my husband and I really never developed a relationship because he was very young as well, and worked his butt off to provide for us.  I could not ask for a better provider.  However, five years ago when he had the affair, not just an affair, but an emotional affair, is when my world came tumbling down.  I have a lot of anger and resentment regarding this along with hurt and feeling betrayed, in that he gave her exactly what I had wanted from him all of our married life - - his time, his listening ear.  I don't know  -- I know that I need to make changes in my life or I am just going to scream.  I have two wonderful children (ages 33 and 26), a wonderful daughter-in-law and granddaughter.  I sometimes thing that I am being totally unrational and selfish, but I just feel that I need something for me - -


Again, thanks for letting me vent and express my feelings.  Expressing my feelings is something that I really have never done.  It just causes chaos in my marriage. 


 


I can so relate to this...
I never thought a job would wear me down so much, and I am fairly new to all this. To think of the ladies who have been doing this for 20+ years...I would go crazy.

I am looking into starting school this fall myself. I could make double what I do now and still need to find something different. I need a change, seriously.
Wow can I relate

Started getting the menstrual migraines about 6 years ago.  I'm in perimenopause now and while I'm now getting the headaches every 3 weeks instead of the usual every 4, the last 3 were less severe.  Mine always run 24 hours down to the hour exactly and yes, I can tell as soon as I wake up in the morning if it's going to be a migraine day and then I have about 3 hours to get things done because at some point I'll be going to bed for the day.  And it's not only the pain, it's the nausea, the flu-like feeling, the pain in the base of the skull, the whole putrid works.  I am allergic to Tylenol and try acetaminophen and aspirin but have to keep changing the type I take because after a while I start to associate the smell and taste of the meds so strongly with the migraine and I get a revulsion just looking at and smelling the meds.  Kind of like Pavlov and his dogs!! 


Anyway, the last 3 headaches I was actually able to keep at bay with OTC meds and was able to be up and about...it wasn't pleasant but was way better than usual.  So I've got my fingers crossed.  This perimenopause thing was heck for about 6 months and now has been better so I am hoping I am almost through.....


The first OP I can relate to.....the other one should
xx
Boy can i relate!
I had a day like that last Wednesday and I thought the day would never end.  PLUS my ShortHand had bit the dust and I was trying to type everything which was a pain.  But, the good news is, the next day was much better!  Good luck!!
I can relate with you!! sm

It's so nice to hear other peoples experience.  Not that I'm happy you feel you have an eating issue, but I try to explain how I feel to my hubby, and he tries to be supportive, but he just doesn't understand.  He has never had weight issues.  I honestly think you have to be in the situation to understand fully.  Just like a guy wouldn't understand how it feels to be pregnant.  (Which I loved being pregnant with my boys).  I gained so much weight with my kids, but I got back down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but still need to lose some.  My left lower leg has varicose veins really bad, to the point my leg is warm all the time, it aches and swells up some (not a whole lot, but it will get tight feeling).  When I went on NS last year, my leg felt better.  I appreciate your story!  Maybe the moderator can fix us up a weight board and we can all support each other!!


 



I can relate
I'm in the same boat!  I love my husband VERY much, but I feel the same as you.  I started cracking up when you mentioned talking about the dogs..LOL!!   In the mornings, we will sit on the couch with our coffee and have nothing to say to each other, so we watch the dogs run around.  My husband has NO friends or hobbies.  Some of you say to make a date once a week.  Well, we have done that.  We go out to eat, talk about nothing and then I regret paying the money for food I didn't want anyway.  My husband likes to watch movies, so most of the time we have a date to go to Blockbuster to rent a movie.  I lose myself in other peoples lives by watching a movie.  I'm 37 years old and feel like I'm 87.  My husband doesn't know I feel this way and I'm certainly not looking for a new one.  I am happy and feel content and loved, but boy do I wish there was a spark and romance instead of feeling like I have a roommate!   I joined a gym just to do something for myself.  Well my husband has to go too now.  Now, every morning I hear, 'hey got your workout shoes on.'  Arrgghhh!  I just wanted to go when I wanted to go, not be obligated to go at 7 am every morning, but I smile and go.   I've been alone before, lived in my own house by myself for 7 years and I felt much more alive than I do now.  I have no advice, but it's nice to vent once in awhile :)
Can relate to some of this
I had tummy tuck, face lift, arm lift, but have never done acid, this came in after first married, not into Jimi Hendrix nor Woodstock, not the Beatles. I believe in maintenance and keeping up with how I feel on the inside. Believe me, it takes no time to get from your 20s to the 50s, 60s, just such a short time. I have always enjoyed my time here on this earth and it just gets better. Thanks for the YT.
I can relate!
Living and working in the greater New Orleans and having experienced Katrina first hand (yes, I'm one of the morons who stayed) this really made me chuckle!
oooh I can relate

I have about a 11 yo Shih Tzu, he is a grumpy old man.  He has quite a variety of noises - groans, little whines, shrill barks, etc.  Very expressive.  Now I am working at home again (past 2 months) after 6 years out and he is so happy to sit by side of my desk.  But I am in the basement and he has a hard time with stairs (short little legs) so he whines at the top of the stairs, until someone is "watching him" before he begins to go down. 


 


I have 3 boys, so I can somewhat relate

It seems I can take privileges away from my oldest and it works very well.  My younger one, however, doesn't seem to care.  What does bother him is sitting on time-out.  I read a few books and they say the length of the timeout should be equal to the age - 5 years old then 5-minute timeout.  This frustrates him more because he likes to be in control and when I put him on timeout, he has no control.  I usually sit him at the dining room chair - no TV, no toys.  I use the timer on the microwave, so he can hear it when he beeps.  He knows to push the chair in when he gets up.  If he does something shortly thereafter, I double the length of the timeout.  A few times of this and eventually they catch on.


As for harming the dogs, I would probably keep them in a certain area of the house where I could see them.  At least then you know if he's doing something to them and hopefully can stop him before he really hurts them. 


As tempting as it is, name-calling will not teach your child anything but name-calling.  Taunting him with this is probably not a good idea.  If he continues to lie, I would continue to put him on timeout or take away privileges depending on the extent of the lie and the circumstances.


I know it's hard, but consistency is the key.  Eventually, he will learn.  It just takes some kids longer than others.


I can relate to several things...

I love working from home, having no commute, being here for my kids.  The flexibility used to be good but that has gone down the tube as well as the $ cut and off shoring. 


The thought of ever having to go back to an office and deal with petty politics and cat fight nonsense makes me sick.  If I can find a job that is not related so much with people but just computers, I think that will be my idea job.  I, too, tend to not mix well with people (or rather I should say they don't play well with me...because I don't play...I'm usually too much of a work-a-holic type personality).  My extent of socializing is pretty much church people too. 


Well, I have 7 years to squeeze 2 more years of college in for a Bachelor's Degree.  I just need to pray about what major I should go for. 


For me change gets scarier the older I get. 


Thanks for sharing!


I can surely relate! Families can be so --sm
cruel sometimes. I really think that they don't even think about how their actions or lack thereof affect others sometimes, but we sure feel the hurt, don't we? Hugs to you!
I can totally relate to this post.
When I take the kids to the pool in the summer (at home full-time), I feel guilty that I'm not at home typing.  It is totally ridiculous.  I really do like my work and at 37, I am making an effort to try and get out with friends once in a while.  We just moved to a new town and I've met some other Moms, so I've been doing some breakfast meets.  We haven't found a church yet, but I think that's my next step to finding some social moments for myself.  The kids keep me busy, but they are in school all day. 
Relate to many things in your post...
I had a hysterectomy at age 51 and was on tamoxifen at the same time.  My doctor would not prescribe any HRT.  Tried Wellbutrin and herbal remedies without seeing much difference.  I'm now 60 and have just begun to feel "normal."  I am on an antianxiety medication (Xanax) now and probably will be for a long time.  Did have hot flashes so immediate and severe that they would bring on a headache, sweating, lightheadedness, loss of focus, and mood swings--my mood tended to be depressed and anxious rather than angry, although did have much less patience with everything and everyone.  Yes, it certainly does not help when men think we are the only ones affected by hormones!
I can relate, my mom died 09-2004, so almost 3 years now - sm
and I still miss her terribly. I tear up everytime I think about her, seems to be getting worse lately instead of better. It did not help that dad remarried so fast either (9 months after mom died). My mom was like a sister to me, but a mom too. So much changed when she died. She was only 68, had valve surgery, was doing great and 9 weeks after an infection killed her, she was weeks from getting out of the hospital. She had not been ill before any of this either so that made it doubly hard to deal with. It just plain sucks and I am jealous of those who still have their moms. I hope they know what they have and make the most of it while they can.
Mine are older now, but I can sooo relate (sm)
You're not overreacting, but when you are married into that type of family you have to pick and choose your battles. I would say your daughter is probably safe, your mil is probably being slow and careful (I hope?) but I would ask her to use some of the ear-protective type "earmuff" looking things that block out sound. It is a thin line to tread because they see nothing wrong with this type of lifestyle when it is the opposite of what you would do. Unfortunately you may have a long battle ahead of you because I have. My children are now 8 and 11 and I have been labelled the "overprotective mother" the whole time. Too bad. I do pick and choose my battles with them but if something is unsafe it is unsafe and they will just have to not like you. What are they gonna do, kick you out of the family? lol - I think not. And they have to be nice to you so they get more baby time - use your leverage, but be fair and try to give a little too. Ask yourself it is is truly dangerous before you react - if it is, then don't allow it.
i thought it was very cute and i can definitely relate. thanks for sharing romey! nm
@
I love that and can relate. Betcha have good stories :-) TY! nm
x
I totally relate..my daughter AND my mother are driving me insane.
It's funny you should mention Melodie Beattie as I went online today to look for support groups and someone mentioned that book. When I saw the description of "copendency" it fit my daughter..in EVERY category, and I know that I, of course, fell into the "enabler" category. Between my daughter calling 15 times a day and my mother..I am ready to move away and let someone else deal with them for a while. In a way, my mother is like my daughter..she also calls for money. Ironically, she does not like my daughter because of what my daughter has put me through. Funny how she doesn't realize that she does the same thing..emotional manipulation..guilt trips. I just want to be mentally free from them, and for this, I am getting help. They have drug me into depression, along with them. They are both bipolar and I think I am almost there with them, because one minute I feel so happy and positive..and then they call..and I'm depressed. I pray for strength..Thanks for your kind words. I can't help them anymore but I can save myself.
you are right, you do not know the situation...
and I did not go into complete detail, but at all the churches I was a giver of time, money, and self. I never said anything to members that would have hurt them in anyway. I was told by one pastor that I was a dying plauged horse that needed to find a field and die because he asked why he could not keep any men in the church and when my husband and I very lovingly explained why he got mad and what happened next got very ugly.

In the last church I was in I was basically running the church for him because he was too busy working his other job and such, spending church money on things other than what he was telling the congregation, etc, and when I told his fiance privately in a very loving way after much, much prayer that she needed to think about her children, as child services was getting ready to take them, he found out and called me every name in the book and told me that if I ever stepped on the property he would have me arrested. He told the congregation I left on my own and he had nothing to do with it. There are many more details that go with this situation, but I will leave it at that.

One church we were stuck in the middle of a church split and were on the wrong side of the split.

I will not go on. But I have tried to be a dedicated church member, doing every thing I could to fit in, do as I was told, sing and lead 3 worship services a week, at the church every time the church opened, lost friends, etc. trying to do what I thought God was instructing me to do and every time I ended up getting so deeply hurt that this last split has made it to where I get physically sick even thinking of going back to church. It is called "spiritual abuse" and unless you have gone through it you have no idea what it is like. I am glad you have a church you like and treats you correctly, but until you have been through what I have seen, heard, and been through you have no idea.

There are many a pastor out there who are independent and get corrupted by the power they have from the position of being a "man of God" and it is scary what can happen.

I will leave it at that, but there are times where Christians need to look at their actions and words and make sure they are inviting people to want to become Christians instead of making them want to run as far as possible in the opposite direction. Just my 2 cents.
Very sad situation......(sm)
I really do feel bad for you because of what has happened. Your sister should have offered to pay 'something!' And since she did not offer, I know that makes things difficult to forget about, but I'm sure that you would have been able to move on. She took it to an entirely different level when she put her hands on you. She should have stayed away and gave you time to cool off & herself time to cool off instead of showing up to ignite the fire. I know it makes you feel bad, but please do not blame yourself for what has happened. Regardless of the quad theft, she was the one who made the choice to physically attack you. She is the one who did something wrong, not you. She will hopefully learn a lesson that actions such as that have consequences.
Give yourself & her some time to cool off. Eventually the situation will calm down. It will probably take awhile, but don't let it take too long...time is precious. My older brother (only sibling) died in a mva a few years ago. We disagreed on everything most of the time. I always think back to those 'little arguments' and I think about how much precious time we wasted on trivial things, when we could have been enjoying our relationship. I would do anything to have him back now. Just a thought. Hope things get better for you. Stay positive. Do your part to try to re-establish peace, but do not feel guilty about what happened because it was not your fault. Hopefully, in time she will come to her senses and will be the one to suffer with the guilt of what she did.

same situation here -
However, we DO have a charter school available but it's a 45 minute round trip, have to pay an arm and a leg tuition, and STILL have to support the public school with our property taxes to boot.

Our migrant student to teacher ratio in our district is current 1 teacher to 6 students. Regular class ratio is 1 teacher to 31 students. Nice huh.
Not exactly the same situation
but a hospital I worked at went belly up and we went to work that morning and by 2 p.m. we were out of jobs. Not only that, but this was on a payday and our checks were not there and were not going to be coming. Then on top of that I find out that while we all thought the owner had been keeping up on our insurance he had not been and for the previous 2 months we didn't really have insurance, so all the tests and stuff I had during that time I had to pay for. And there was no Cobra to keep it going because there was no company anymore. It was a nightmare, and I already was juggling bills and I just got into a state of despair where I would quit even answering the phone. It took quite a bit to dig myself out of that pit, and still my credit sucks probably worse than yours- I couldn't even get a secured credit card 6 months ago. Dont know about now.
I'm in the same situation
I'm postmenopausal for 4 years now and started having trouble with the sleep pattern during menopause. I thought it would go back to normal after the menopause completed, but according to my doctor, it can take 10 to 15 years for some women.

When I get too badly sleep deprived, I take generic Benadryl - Walgreen's antihistamine, Wal-Dryl - 50 mg and I'm sleepy within 30-40 mins. and usually sleep through the entire night, 6-7 hours. Normally, I will take a 500 mg generic acetaminophen with the 50 mg antihistamine because I have shoulder and neck pain from transcription posture. That is the same as Tylenol PM but much, much cheaper.

If you read the labels, the sleeping pills that they charge $15 or so for, have the same medicine as the $3.50 antihistamines.

Also, since I started walking again about 6 weeks ago, I'm sleeping better.
Obviously you have never been in this situation before

Even though the agency may guarantee anonymity, it usually isn't too difficult to figure out who "blew the whistle." I have seen people harassed and threatened in similar circumstances. If this were a child who couldn't speak up for himself/herself, I would be calling Social Services in a New York minute. But that is not the case here.


It's up to the people involved to decide what to do. You made a suggestion, I pointed out some of the hazards involved in following your suggestion. Two sides to every story. 'Nuff said.


I have a situation regarding my DH's job...

Long story short, my DH has a 2-hour commute (roughly, depending on Atlanta's traffic) to and from work each day.  Now, this is only temporary, as when our DD graduates in May, we're moving out closer to his job.


Last night, he asked me what I thought about him taking an apartment on that side of town for 2-3 days a week, like Tues-Thurs, coming home on Friday-Monday.  We have 3 kids, the youngest being 8, who is very, very close to his daddy (the other 2 are 20 and 17, so would probably relish the idea of Dad being gone overnight).  Not to mention the fact that I work at home and don't have a lot of contact with the outside world (y'all can feel me, can't ya?). 


I guess my question is, am I being selfish to say absolutely NO to this idea, or what? I felt like crying when he brought it up; just the thought of him being away for 2-3 nights a week makes me sad.  We have a very close relationship, spend all of our time together when not working, and I just am not sure how to feel about this.


Of note:  I am not the least bit worried about him *acting up* while he's away.  We have a super-strong marriage and are completely devoted to each other and our family. What would y'all do?


We are definitely in about the same situation
My husband and yours must have been separated at birth! lol They sound just alike concerning their sons. I do think that my hubby feels sorry for his son because him and his mom split. I guess that's why he babies him so much. And his son is so jealous over me. I can't talk to my husband, touch him or anything without his son pouting or trying to get his Dad's attention. I want children of our own but I am afraid that because my stepson is so jealous that if his Dad shows attention to someone else that he would act out and hurt them. He's been hiding things of mine and I know he took 100.00 that was on my desk I had laying out. I searched the house over for it and never found it. He just probably tore it to pieces and threw it in the trash because he thought it was mine since it was on my desk. It's crazy. But thank you for your post. At least I know now I'm not the only one who has had any problems like this.
Wow, I'm in almost the same situation as you.
I have been in contact with my high school sweetheart for the last few years. I now live in a different state. We have both regretted marrying the people we did. We both have 2 children fairly young, but we are hoping we can be together sometime in the future.
Anyone ever been in this situation?

Yesterday, my son went on a field trip with the school to a local amusement park.  It was a 1-hour drive.  He begged me to take his Nintendo DS.  I finally gave in and said only 1 game.  I was chaperoning the field trip but was required to drive myself there and could take my son home with me, rather than riding the bus home.  When my son realized it was time for the buses to board the kids going back to the school, he said a girl in his class had his DS game (not the unit, just the game).  We looked for his class, but they must have already boarded the bus.  I told him to make sure he asked her for it first thing the following morning. 


When he got to school today, he asked the girl for it.  She said she gave it to another one of his friends in their class.  That boy said he put it in my son's desk.  Then another girl in the class said she found a DS game this morning under her desk and that she gave it to the girl that borrowed it originally.  Of course, that girl said that never happened.  Now my son has no game.  He just got it about a month ago and paid $35 for it out of his own money.


First of all, I have already told my son he will not be taking his DS on the bus anymore, period.  I don't care if it's an 8-hour drive both ways.  He's not taking it.  Here's my dilemma:  What do I do about this girl?  Do I just let it go?  I would really like to call her parents and let her know what she did in the hopes that they will take this opportunity to teach their child about responsibility and courtesy.  She asked to borrow my son's game.  My son was kind enough to lend it to here.  She should have returned it to him directly, not give it to someone to give it someone, etc.  I don't know this girl or her parents.  I'm not sure how well they'd take my parenting suggestion.  I'm not looking for them to replace the game (as much as I think they should, I will not ask that). 


I told my son he needs to take responsibility for his carelessness in not getting the game back when they got off the bus.  He knew he would not be getting back on the bus and likely would not see the girl the rest of the day.  I should mention these are 4th graders, so they should have had some clue here.


Okay, so do I call the parents or just chalk it up to a lesson learned?


Same situation
...except I am a single parent. I have a 10 year old who was arguing with teachers and classmates and fighting almost daily. He also started to be disrespectful at home and when I would send him to his room for punishment, he would kick and throw things around in his room while mumbling under his breath as well as blatently yelling at me.

The second episode of kicking and throwing things, I told him to stop or I would call the police. I was downstairs and eventually heard something break. I was very angry at this point. I ran upstairs to his room (wanted him to hear me running) and I forcfully opened his door (was glad to see that he looked startled). Very angrily, I told him that if I heard one more noise from his room, I would call the police. I told him to clean up the mess from the item he broke. He told me he wasn't going to clean up anything. I called the police.

The police arrived. After I explained to him the long list of problems I had been having with him, the policeman gave him a speech for about 30 minutes...asking him questions along the way to keep him engaged. He said all of the usual things that any adult outsider would say to your kid. This worked for about 3 weeks...then back to the same.

After a terrible morning of him lying about something and being sent to his room for punishment, he started the same throwing, kicking, talking back routine. I politely pulled his suitcase into the hallway. I entered his room and began removing his clothing from his closet and placing them into the suitcase. I told him to go put his dirty clothes in front of the washer so I could wash them. I calmly told him that I was not going to put up with his crap anymore and that I was going to take him to the intake office for foster care. I told him that while he was in foster care I would be inviting his cousins over to enjoy his xbox, model cars, CDs, DVDs, etc. I told him that it was going to be nice having kids around who are respectful and appreciative of my love/affection and other things that I could offer them. He did not say a word. While those clothes were washing, I did not hear a peep out of him. When I put the clothes into the dryer, he said, "I don't want to go to foster care." I told him, sorry...I have no choice....told him I was sick of having a house that was always filled with turmoil. Told hi that since he seems to be unable to control himself and cannot disrespect the mother who works so hard to take care of him and tries so hard to love and support him....he has to go. He says...please don't send me to foster care. I told him I would give him one more chance. I told him that his suitcase would remain packed and that he was to get dressed each day out of that suitcase and that whenever clothes were washed he would place them back into the suitcase.

This happened in April. He is still getting dressed out of that suitcase. You would not believe the difference this has made. He still lies and when he is caught he is sent to his room, but now there is not kicking or throwing things...there is no talking back. He just lies quietly on his bed reading a book or fiddling with one of his little gadgets. After an hour or so (because he is taking his punishment like a normal person should) I tell him that he can now come out of his room if he is willing to apologize for lying and admit that he lied.

Long story short...the packed suitcase has done the trick. He knows that I am serious. He now understands that if he breaks the rules he will be punished. He understands that his behavior while he is being punished has a major impact on the length of his punishment. It is sad that he has to get dressed out of a suitcase, but this has been very effective for us.
My dad was in that situation....
Lung cancer, medication was 3000 a month; trials indicated it worked. He was on it for 6 months, out a lot of money and then guess what, AstraZeneca admitted they manipulated the outcome of the study, the stuff really didn't work at all. He died a few months later (this was 3 years ago). He would have probably lived the same length of time if he hadn't have spent the money. The docs and drug companies are out for themselves, IMHO.
I think about it a lot but different situation (sm)
My two children are almost the exact ages of yours. My husband doesn't have the drinking issue but has plenty of personality issues. I think you absolutely should leave, no ifs, ands or buts. I just think being in that environment is awful for your kids, he is saying it is not going to work anyway and talking about ending the marriage. I say if he doesn't change then yes, go, without a doubt.
sorry for your situation. it is a
shame there is so much focus on the gifts. no, i don't have any great suggestions. couldn't help but think of something along the lines of recent (political) emails about spreading the wealth around...(ha!) The only serious suggestion i have is telling them you think the focus this year esp should be on helping the less fortunate, and rather than give gifts this year to each other, that you'd prefer everyone just donate to the charity(ies) of their choice, or instead of saying it as a suggestion,maybe as a statement: this is what you are going to do and hope that they will too (realizing that "charity begins at home"). God bless.
Sorry you are in the same situation
I took her to her doctor and while she was having an x-ray, I spoke with him about my concerns. He said "you know your aunt...I have tried talking to her too but she refuses to listen". She found out I spoke with him and went balistic - that it was none of my business, etc.

We have all tried talking to her about assisted living close to us but she refuses to leave New York and come here to Jersey. She even refused assisted livlng there. She does have someone come in and clean and friends who help her out. She gets angry because I cannot just get up and leave my job to come up all the time. It is a 2.5 hour drive without traffic. Every idea we come up with she refuses so it is not like we have not tried to get the help she needs. My parents are in bad health so it is hard for them to help out and me being the caretaker of everybody without the little help I receive from my brother - I am at a loss. The real issue here is Christmas.
Sorry you are in the same situation
I took her to her doctor and while she was having an x-ray, I spoke with him about my concerns. He said "you know your aunt...I have tried talking to her too but she refuses to listen". She found out I spoke with him and went balistic - that it was none of my business, etc.

We have all tried talking to her about assisted living close to us but she refuses to leave New York and come here to Jersey. She even refused assisted livlng there. She does have someone come in and clean and friends who help her out. She gets angry because I cannot just get up and leave my job to come up all the time. It is a 2.5 hour drive without traffic. Every idea we come up with she refuses so it is not like we have not tried to get the help she needs. My parents are in bad health so it is hard for them to help out and me being the caretaker of everybody without the little help I receive from my brother - I am at a loss. The real issue here is Christmas.
It is a sad situation, however, you cannot
hog tie her and drag her. Maybe you can spend time with her on a different day around Christmas, just her.
In a situation like that, I think I'd have just
nm
I Am Sorry for Your Situation
you sound like a very caring daughter and i'm sorry for your pain..and your father's. the sad thing is that mental conditions, such as the depression it sounds like your father has, can, in fact, disable someone from working consistently and productively. this is NOT an excuse for your father. if he feels that disabled, financial help may ease his immediate stressors somewhat but don't get to the root of his obvious psychological issues. that financial help might be available to him via the state, and he would need to go through the proper channels - social services - to get it...it is entirely inappropriate for him to play your and your mom's heartstrings. it is also inappropriate to parentify you and to put you through this kind of pain. if he does threaten suicide again, a reasonable option for you is to call the police. don't mention it to your father as a threat - just do it. the whole thing is really sad to hear, especially around holiday time, and i'm sorry for the pain you must be feeling.
I know this situation happens all too often, but
it wasn't my experience, and I know plenty of women who have had great partnered parenting experiences. My husband would have preferred to wait to have children, if at all. I sort of pressured him to have children sooner than later. Turns out he's a great dad. Everything changes, and you can never know exactly what will happen. One of my friends has a very wise father. When we "young people" asked him for advice once about living a long, happy life, he told us simply, "Don't make plans."
I have somewhat same situation. sm
I sent you an email in case there is something I can do to help you.
My situation is that -
I am going to school FREE. I am working 2 jobs (1 part time and 1 full time).

My husband is not on disability - he is on worker's compensation - totally different. He cannot go back to work until the doctor tells him he can and as of this week, he is having a 3rd major surgery that will put him back at another 8 month recovery period and no, he cannot go back to work during that time still.
I know this situation all too well
I have a best friend that has this going on right now. It pains her to no end. Her children get upset and I can understand why.

I am going to give you the advice that I give her:

Grandparents who are messed up were messed up as parents. You can't make them do what you want. Your DH probably doesn't want to deal with it because his parents were like that when he was little.

Anyway, the moral of the story is this: Appreciate if they even come around so the kids know them. My parents didn't for my kids. My children don't have any grandparents because they now are all deceased.
My take on your situation...

You said below that you have not achieved orgasm.  I think that may be a large part of the issue.  Also, as a previous poster said, if you are continually aroused and then let down, you may get to a point where you don't want to 'try' anymore.  It can become emotionally draining. 


What I suggest is that you spend some time alone and learn about your body.  What I mean by this is learning how to please yourself first.  When you discover how to achieve orgasm on your own, you will then be able to help your partner help you achieve orgasm together.  If you are experiencing orgasm during sex, most likely you will want to have sex more often and will feel more confident. 


I would also suggest that you spend some time online reading about the G-spot.  I know it is somewhat contraversial and not everyone believes that spot exists, but I think that is a good place to start as far as information is concerned.  Try masturbating on your own and see what happens.  Learn about the sensation of ograsm so you know what signs you are looking for.  I know a lot of women get a strong sensation and get scared and stop.  So, really, read about what signs you are looking for. 


Also, you can purchase a vibrator.  You can use that alone or with your partner during sex.  Trojan has a new fingertip vibrator that you can buy online.  I saw a commercial for it, and it looks like it would work fine.  It is really hard not to reach an orgasm with the aid of a vibrator. 


Okay, I hope I wasn't too graphic for anyone's taste.  If you want to talk in more detail or have any questions you don't feel comfortable posting, send me an e-mail and I'll try to help you out.


If you were in this situation what....

would you do? I need advice. My father has told me he is about to be evicted from his apartment for not paying rent. Background info: My mom and dad are divorced. He lives alone. For years my mom took care of him and paid his way. He sat at home and did basically nothing. I hate to be ugly but I have to speak the truth. My mom would have to give him gas money, etc. When my mom wouldn't give him money he would go to his elderly mother and get it who was on a fixed income. So he has a past of not working. He says there is no work but he has said that for years even when the economy wasn't bad.


Okay, once they divorced he has been on skidrow. He is always broke of course cause rarely works. Every once in a while he will haul a load of gravel. He owns a dump truck. If there is no gravel to haul then he sits and does nothing. He is now to the point of being evicted and has no food. So feeling sorry for him I bought him some cereal, milk, sandwich stuff, chips, and vienna sausage. I am not made of money though. I mean we are just making it like everyelse. I bought him the food 2 days ago. I did it cause like I said I felt bad for him and I am his daughter. Plus I said now he can't say he doesn't have anything to eat. Well today 2 days later he comes over here and says I am out of milk. I can't eat any cereal. I said do you still have sandwich stuff? He said yeah but I don't have no milk. I guess that was my cue to buy him some more. I didn't offer though. I can't buy milk for him every 2 days. Then he says well what am I gonna do when I have nowhere to go? I said well you will have to go live with one of your friends who are single until you can get a place. By the way, I am married, and my husband says oh he__ no he is not staying here. He feels like he could do something to make some money. He said no I can't do that. I don't want them to know I am being evicted. When I didn't offer for him to stay here, he just sat there and put his head down. Then he said you know I have been feeling bad lately, dizzy and all. I think I may have had a stroke. Then he goes into this whole guilt trip. I don't know if I am gonna make it much longer. My I mention he has no high blood pressure or anything. He has been in perfect health. He feels perfectly fine to do whatever. But he says he may die because his health is bad. So I am like well you need to have some testing if you think that. Then he says well I don't have enough gas to get back home. I was like well why did you come here if you didn't have enough to get home? He has done this plenty of times too. He will come and say I don't have enough gas to get home . I guess I may have to sleep on your couch. He said that before one time and he did make it home and was riding around the next day so he must have had gas or money. Might I add he rides around all day. I don't know how he has money for gas and doesn't have money for food.


What would you do if this was your father? I told him to go get welfare and he said no. I don't want to do that. I said well can't you drive the dozer for Josh? That is a friend of his. He wouldn't answer. My mom asked him when she seen him why don't you drive Josh's dozer. He knows how to do that kind of work. He said it don't pay enough. Well if I was begging for food and being evicted I don't think how much the pay was would be an issue. Then after he finally leaves and I have offered no money for gas or anything. He calls me over and over and says I don't have nothing but sandwich stuff to eat. I can't believe my family won't help me. I said dad I bought you food the other day. I have to buy groceries myself and pay bills, etc. He said I know but how can your mom not help me out? I said cause you are divorced. I mean you get my drift, I'm sure.


When I turn him away, I know I will be the cruel daughter, but I feel like he could help himself a little. What gives? Advice please?


This is quite a different situation
Watching someone drown and stand back waiting to see if God is going to intervene is much different than sentencing a person to die by taking chemo. There has been no, let me repeat that - NO - evidence that chemo saves lives. It is a killer. This is not the only proven therapy against cancer. In fact this is not a therapy against cancer. If you were to start researching natural medicines and holistic health you would find many articles written bout alternative treatments that have been found to work.
Again this is quite a different situation
This is not the kid deciding what he does/does not want, it is his mother. An adult..his legal guardian...his mother who wants him to live and grow up and have a long and health life once he gets the treatment she wants to get to him.

Geez - you people who try to compare this with not wanting to go to the dentist, having someone live with strep throat, ADHD, or the other one who campared this to watching someone drown - are unreal. This is the mother (an adult) making this decision. Not the kid. The kid trusts his mother. What child doesn't.

It is not the govt's business to tell someone what treatment they will receive. That should be the decision of the parents.

What this case has done for people who want to follow an alternative route...from now on if they suspect they have a disease they will not go to their doctor to be diagnosed as they will be forced to receive a killer drug.
cat situation

Being a cat person (all 3 indoors and scared to death of everyone, which is perfect), I love my neighbor's cats who come over.  But they are spayed and neutered and do not mark, etc.  That said, this is not always the case. 


I remember hearing on Randy Lemmon's Gardenline (ktrhradiolcom in Houston, 740 AM) where he suggested putting something under the ground.  Of course, this was for the hoomes in our area, and might not even come close to your needs.  It's been so long since I heard it that the entire thing escapes me.  I will see if I can find it or remember for you.  Otherwise, if you go to that site above and click on the Gardenline link, then go to the very bottom you will see a tab (red, as I recall??) that has all of Randy's archived tip sheets.  In fact, I was looking through them for something a frend needed last week.  The only thing is that I'm ont sure if he put this in an actual tip sheet.  This was definitely a call from a listener.


You could also Google some things like that, and/or check sites like SPCA, etc. for ideas.


It can be frustrating.  We have rats, possums, etc. here, but Houston is Bayou City.  I would never use D-Con b/c of the warfarin in it.


I will check on this later and see if anyone has added anything. 


Good luck.