I can talk on this subject because
Posted By: Experienced one on 2008-01-29
In Reply to: How much do you tell your kids about your youth? - trose
I can almost guarantee that if your child asks you this, when they are out on their own they would never return the same. I know, have an older daughter who asked me about my earlier life. She is now in her 30s and if I kiddingly ask I get the reply none of your business and it is not really and have told her as long as she is safe, no problem here. Your past is yours, no one elses.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
dont you guys think she should have just not even brought the subject up? its a touchy subject at
that age. i think she knew she would be openning up a can of worms. the children who dont believe made fun of the ones who do...right in the classroom...during this very scary time of bullying in schools....she just really changed things for us 2 weeks before christmas...very upset.
Did ya ever just wanna talk about nuthin' just to talk?
As I said before in another post, I miss everyone so much...
So, I have absolutely NOTHING to talk about. Love my new job, love that spring is on the way, and I love that my belly is absolutely filled up with pancakes my husband kindly made for me just now...even though it's lunchtime and not breakfast. I'm one of those freaks that could eat breakfast-type foods at every meal.
...and that reminds me that it's almost that time of year to order some baby chicks for next month. Laying hens, not for meat or anything, just eggs and entertainment. I can't wait for warm weather--it's been a long HARSH winter this year. In fact, I think we're due for another ice storm at the end of the week.
I hope everyone who stops by to read my note about nothing finds themselves and their families in good health. Miss you all, even the ones that can't stand seeing that "Hayseed" name up there.
No subject
I grew up in CT. Would give anything to live in New England, but husband won't. Then again I would not put him close to my family (its bad enough they drive me insane HA HA). Now that I think of it, not sure I'd want to live that close either. HA HA I've gotten use to our privacy. (we won't even live close to his family so at least its fair) :-) We've lived in Germany, CO, CA, AZ, CA (again), VA, CA (again) WA, CA (again), NV, WA (again), and now OR. We've lived enough placed to know what we like and what we don't (and made some mistakes of moving back to places that once we got there said...why in the world did we move to this state again). Sounds like we would love AK, but after some more serious discussions doubt we will get to move there. Hubby still trying to find a job so going to look locally. I just saw different job opportunities in AK and wondered what it would be like to live there. I will always be a New Englander at heart, but you just gotta live where there is work. Thanks.
Because that it just the subject line..sm
you are supposed to use the message space for the entire message, not the subject line. duh.
I don't mean to change the subject but
this statement "raised in all female household" - I am curious. My daughter's husband was raised by women and he's just the nicest devoted husband, really unique, and I wonder if there is something to this - Anybody else have a similar experience?
I definitely agree with you on this subject.
Everyone should worry about themselves. I am agnostic myself, not atheist, but I am not militant about it and don't try to push my beliefs on others. But knocking this person's parenting is really unfair and not very *Christian-like* according to Christian beliefs.
It is my opinion that *nonbelievers* are just scientific minded and want/need proof, that's all. They are usually people who don't blindly follow or conform but want to know why. I also believe that an atheist can be a terrific parent.
This is a sensitive subject, but is anyone else SM
Tired of the commercials advertising products for feminine odor? I just heard this again several times yesterday and it is degrading. If anyone has an odor bad enough that you are offending others there is a simple remedy . . it's called soap and water. Is it me, or is that disrespectful to women? Why don't we discuss some of the more delicate matters regarding men on TV? I could name a few. 
But we need to subject our children
Is it fair for me (with no education in teaching) to try to teach my child, die, and then expect my child to do well as an adult in this society? No way. Let them live and learn as I did. Homeschooling, in my opinion (again my opinion) is like the MA and PA days where there wasn't enough room at the schools or there weren't enough educated teachers coming in on a wagon to teach the children on the prairie.
I'm glad my kids go to public school. The high school I attended had a lot of kids that came from private school because the high school was vo-tech, so the parents felt the kids were getting better than public school. Those kids that came from the private schools knew more about sex and drugs than I did growing up in the public school system. I guess their parents had the money, and I guess the kids felt penned up, I don't really know the cause.
Never would I expect my children to go out and get a job or even survive one minute in college without an education from a school system. I don't care to hear about home school curriculums either because I'm focused more on the socialization. I don't want my children to be introverts or homebodies! Let them see the world for themselves and for what it truly is, a melting pot, something to be experienced, a beautiful thing, and to avoid negativity at all costs, but to experience some just to learn from it. JMO. P.S.: Thanks for listening.....
since this is such a delicate subject...
have you seen or talked to a counselor or had your son in any? I haven't kept up on your posts so maybe I missed something, but I'm not sure anyone's opinion is qualified to handle something so important as this...
Good luck to you
what is the subject matter?
nm
That's such a touchy subject...
I have a 10-year-old son who is overweight, and for me personally, I would want to know if he is eating 4-6 donuts such as this girl is doing. I just think your approach would make or break it all. If someone were to approach me, I wouldn't mind at all, but I don't get really too offended easily especially if I know it is the truth. Chances are, this girl's mom knows she has an eating problem. I'm sure she's not just overeating on Sunday's. But then again, maybe it runs in the family and if you did say something, it may not go well. In my family, only my son is overweight, not my other kids nor my husband or I. The doctors have told me it is just genetic. But for me personally, I would want to know because it is not healthy and we try and work with our son about being healthy and making right choices for himself.
Here's a though, how about letting the person in charge on Sunday be aware and then he/she can remind the kids to only take 1 donut each, that way everyone can get enjoy them.
On the panhandling subject...
I used to live in SLC. Apparently you have to buy a license to panhandle up there. Funny thing is, some of those guys make more money doing that than I do.
Well, DH and I debated with her on this subject
I told her I wished she had not even brought it up, but we told her we appreciated the fact that she felt comfortable enough to tell us. We also figured that she could go do it without telling us and I would rather her feel like she could tell us than lie to us and do it anyway.
Then we realized in a few months she will be gone to college and we will not know what she is doing.
This was just one thing I didn't want to have to say yes to, so I made DH make the decision! LOL! I told him it would be on him if anything happened. (I've always been the "yes" or "no" parent all these years, so I figured it was only fair he have to do it at least once while she was still living at home!)
She is spending the night and it is only 3 people going to be there and we told her under no circumstances is she to leave in her car or with anyone else that is driving. (Her big thing about people drinking is that she thinks they should never drive). If things get out of hand, she is to call us and we will come pick her up.
Now, I am torn between hoping she gets sick so she will never want to do it again (although that never stopped me back in the day) or hoping she is sensible enough to only have a drink or 2 and stop.
It just isn't fun being a parent. I still don't like that she is doing this. I don't like it at all!
Go try it, talk, talk and listen sm
Counselors are trained to "listen" and direct you to talk (not them). I have transcribed many, many mental health reports. They do dig deep and keep it going for a very long time, very long, usually (perhaps not for you). But if you both don't tell the truth, you are wasting your money, so why not just get it all out on the table and get it over with and get on with your lives? Don't pussy foot around, get it all out and deal with it. Gosh, life is too short to put on a show, it's not a dress rehearsal, it's life. Go forward, forgive, forget and forge ahead. Don't need a degree for that!! But a little help can't hurt. Might help.
on subject of divorce reasons
Mine:
1. He cheated on me with EVERYBODY he could.
2. He was a control freak, didnt work, took all my money and hit me.
His:
1. she cheated on him.
2. She was a control freak and all she wanted him for was his money. When he changed from a high paying, high stress job to a lower pay but much lower stress job, she left.
Is it any wonder that either one of us wants anything to do with anybody else?
I saw all the posts on this subject yesterday too, --sm
and usually if the moderator moves a thread, there is an arrow showing that, or sometimes an explanation as to why something was eliminated. Sometimes if someone mentions a specific name or area, a thread might be removed, but she usually explains that. Maybe something went wrong with the system. Perhaps she will explain later when she sees this. I don't think it was placed on the *wrong board*. But congrats to the new parents!!!
Slightly off the subject but this reminds me
of the headlines about the poor woman laying on the ER floor in California vomiting blood and dying and not having anyone pay any attention to her! How disgusting is that!!!!
On the subject of hair color... (sm)
Not to hijack your post, but does anyone know what will easily remove hair color from the skin? My hairstyle is very short and I always end up with color stains on my neck, ears and forehead. The remover they use in the salon doesn't do a good job. I've tried alcohol, shampoo, and even a Shout wipe! Any other suggestions?
Since we are posted on a subject I dearly luv!!!
Sex/cooking. I just made the most delicious Rachel Ray Recipe.. Chorizo-Hominy & etal...Stoup plus a few of my own concoctions. Served it hot & piping with cheese and chicken quesadillas...(CAT, this chicken from those last 3 recipes I boasted about...Have used it all) Excuse pleez, this was well received by the entire family, teenager, preteenager, dieting daughter, hungry husband, sweet son-in-law and handsome G-Q house guest from Brazil....
This is a personal subject between him and his wife.
First, I hardly think affairs are only a NY thing. Do you know all of NY office holders? If you believe stats, most American adults have had an affair. I don't think that necessarily makes a person not decent, it just means they're human and had a failing. Personally, I'm tired of God complexes in Government.
This is a personal subject between him and his wife. I wonder how many of us could live up to the scrutiny heaped upon politicians. I KNOW I couldn't. I've made mistakes too.
regarding the subject of deers being kept as pets - sm
I just talked with several people at the wildlife offices and game law enforcement. There is nothing they can do if the owners are allowing the deer to roam around as a wild deer would and are taking care of it, which they are. They said there is not enough money in their budget to relocate this deer to another area. This deer was again standing in my pansies eating away yesterday with deer repellent on there. They also told me I was one of many who have called as of late. Really, really annoyed and frustrated that this is the best the state of AL can do (no, I am not FROM here, just ended up here). 
A gross subject, but I gotta ask --
My son is 11 and the last few days has had a few "wet farts" -- there's no color to it, but enough to soak through his jeans. He didn't even notice it, said he didn't feel wet, but we noticed it and so did another child at school. At first, I thought he just sat in something wet, but when he came home from school with it, I took a second look at his jeans and noticed the position of it was more in line with "an accident." He says he doesn't remember passing gas. There's a slight discoloration to it and a slight odor.
I've never had this happen to me personally except when I was getting over diarrhea. Has anyone else had this happen without being sick? Any ideas on what could be causing it? I'm hoping it's not a rectocele or IBS.
found this on google, there's a lot there about this subject...
Yes, closing a credit card will hurt your credit, since you will no longer have the benefit of that available established credit history.
However, since it is "a must" that you are going to close it, it doesn't really matter what the effect will be, so don't second guess yourself to death. BTW, it will be minimal, especially over the long run.
It is better to leave it open so that will give you a longer credit history, rather than closing one and opening another. The new one is not going to establish credit.
i read that over in the subject & I thought..
everyone is going to think I was 46 when I started having kids.. lol.. I was young when I started having kids.. if I was told I was pregnant now, OMGosh.. I WOULD lose my mind..
A story similar to the subject line
I work with a woman whose husband makes a fraction of what she makes - but that is only because she has no choice but to work as much OT as possible to keep up with his spending. He is constantly buying on whims, laptops, toys that men like, one day he came home with a brand new 25,000 truck that he didn't even talk to her about. She is now 68 years old and has no savings whatsoever. She had to buy their land and the mobile home on it as his credit was shot (bankruptcy) and so, since it is in her name, he doesn't do a thing around the property. It is in desperate need of repair. The repairs come when things come crashing down at outrageously high expense.
And when she confronts him, he goes ballistic on her, throwing things, screaming at her until she turns into a diminutive little girl again, only wanting him to be happy and so, she stays quiet.
This is so sad. She couldn't retire if she wanted to.
She has put up with this for over 20 years so it will never change.
I'd suggest getting a grip on this now with some counseling before you end up in her shoes. Please try to make him realize he has a personality flaw and that having you in his life is keeping him from ending up with nothing and that, in fact, you are a Godsend.
that person did not post on your last subject (ice cream)....
nm
Did I miss a previous post on this subject somewhere
or is this just kinda bizarre?
Oops - got my name and subject line mixed up above
Guess its time to call it quits. :-) The two are backwards.
Off subject - Many insurance companie won't insure - sm
your home for certain breeds, Pitbulls and Rotweilers are two of them, also Siberian Huskies and German shepards in others. I have had huskys for years and they are the friendliest dogs in the world though they look fierce since they closely resemble wolves and are probably the closest domesticated dog to a wolf. It is unfair to the breed to mark it as dangerous because of its looks. My dog does get aggressive around other dogs but he is the Alpha male here, but with people he is just fine. I have the only husky in the world that does not bark or howl, he "talks" on rare occasion. The breed doesn't usually don't bark much as it is, but they love to howl. We have another dog but a female lab and the two of them are fine together. While I like pitbulls and I have known a few to be very good dogs, I will always be on my guard around them as you never know what might trigger it to become aggressive. Dogs can feel threatened over the such little things and cause such heartbreak in the process.
I am the original poster on this subject. See message.
When this stuff first happened I was much younger and I did not find out anything about it until after the birth of my second daughter. That is when my sisters first tried to say something. At the time I had two little girls and not much reason to trust my sisters back then for reasons that I won't go into. I did what I thought was best for my little girls at that time, but throughout all these years there has always been an uneasy feeling about the whole situation. I just chose to bury it and I take full responsibility for that.
Now, I have finally gotten to a point in my life where I am confident enough to be able to handle the truth and because of some other problems, this subject resurfaced and I chose to ask my sisters to tell me the truth of what happened. They told me and now I am left with a big decision to make.
I have no reason to believe he has done anything like that since, but I don't know that for sure. He has been a controlling force in this marriage, but at the same time a hard worker who has taken care of our family with me.
I guess I'm trying to justify what I am feeling now and trying to make myself feel better about wanting to end the marriage.
Thank you everyone for all the good advice. I do appreciate it.
Now I think this subject is taking a totally different turn. Where is your sense of
personal responsibility? You can change things about yourself if you truly want to. Trust me. This is coming from a formerly abused, abandoned woman who was left in foster care and turned her life around for the better. My children are my main motivation.
You sound like you have a real problem with someone taking personal responsibility for themselves and blaming the "just because that is the way I am" approach, which I obviously do not believe in because if I did, then I would be a has been, still on the streets, where I was left 20 years ago. Give me a break.
She didn't say "who" in the subject line, only "he"...sm
with Sanjaya being not the only guy left the "he" could have been any of the guys.
Only my mother. Great books about subject out there thankfully.
// it helped for me to realize she had a personality type and she was not just selfish and uncaring - the combination of things described really helped me to understand her - and avoid her at all costs!
That's kind of intrusive. The subject is Design Star
Start your own thread.
On the subject of fault. Dont read if easily
If my opinion upsets someone, I think it is their "fault" (for lack of a better word) if they get upset. Everyone owns their own feelings and should not let someone else's opinion have so much power over how they feel. As far as lemmings and masses, those are generalities, a comment on society as a whole, not aimed at any one person.
I am sorry if my opinions have so much influence over others. I will try to keep my thoughts in check.
I put *warning, graphic* in the subject field, but apparently it didn't show up. nm
n
Have a talk with your son
Any discussion or decisions about your son's feelings should be done with your son. This is an ideal situation to guide him in a positive direction. First of all, you are his mother and always will be. She may be doing the parenting tasks for now, and should be respected for giving of herself, but she should not interfere in your relationship with your son. Unfortunately that happens too often in families of divorce these days.
Ask how he feels about what is being said. Ask how he responds to it...or does not not respond at all. There may come a time where he listens to the garbage, then can stand up to her and say, "Aunt _____, I appreciate everything you are doing to help me with letting me stay here. There are some people who would not do what you are doing for me. But, my mom is my mom and I love her. She is always going to be my mom and you are always going to be my aunt. I feel I am lucky to have two different mom figures in my life that I can count on to help me learn how to deal with adult problems."
This sounds really dorky and I'm sorry others were as harsh towards you. I hope you put your own feelings in check and focus on your son's feelings as those being the ones that should be focused upon. He will be coming back to you one day, and everything that happens while he is away will stay with him. How you react is going to have more of an impact than what she says/does, especially when it is negative.
I know something of what you are going through. I am raising my grandchild. My ex's family did not speak to me for 10 years, but now that I have custody of my grandchild, for my ex's sake, they have been more genuinely caring and welcoming to me than my own family. There are a lot of words from the past being swallowed by my ex-SIL. I have proven that beyond myself, my decisions first reflect the best interest of the child. Everyone, even the child, feels it and knows it to be true. From that, respect is being rebuilt.
Good luck to you and your son.
I would talk to him/her
about the symptoms you are having and any family history of illnesses - more than likely they'll do some blood tests to rule out other things first. I had 11 of 18 trigger points on the day of my first visit - you can Google trigger points and it will tell you where some of them are and base it on that - but if your doctor suggests that it is all in your head and you continue to have problems please see another doctor - thankfully my doctor was very understanding and after I kept a log for 3 months of all my symptoms he then referred me on to a rheumatologist and this doctor has been wonderful - I see him every 3 months for routine blood work and medication adjustment if needed - they don't just dope you up on a bunch of narcotics - he also tries behavioral modification along with medicine - so I'm pleased .... Again best wishes.
Definitely talk to him
Sit down with him and tell him very calmly that you feel uncomfortable with this situation and ask him why he feels the need to do this. No matter what he says, keep your cool, and do your best not to say anything to make him feel defensive. Just be very clear about your feelings and your desire for him to stop this behavior.
To be honest, I doubt very much he will change, and I don't blame you for not wanting to live with this situation. The reason I am suggesting that you talk to him about it is to make it clear to him exactly what the problem is so that if/when you seek a divorce, he cannot claim that he didn't know there was a problem.
Internet addiction, particularly internet porn addiction, is a serious problem and is not easily "cured". I'm glad the two of you don't have any children. That will make things much easier, at least when it comes to legalities. Emotionally I know it is devastating, and I am very sorry you are going through this.
Not to talk about it
I have NO problem with the "poor" being treated medically or otherwise -- what I as an "American" have a problem with are ILLEGAL immigrants coming into this country and expecting things to be handed to them on a "silver platter." I have lived in Southern California, Nevada and NOW here in Miami and let me tell you if you DON'T speak Espanol in Miami, you are SOL!!!!!
I have also worked for state and federal agencies where I have seen minorities (excluding Caucasian women) getting preferential treatment.
Granted, this country was built on people immigrating to this country, however, it has now gotten to the point where our children and grandchildren have to learn to speak Spanish as THAT has become "the language of our country" and we as citizens are having all of our rights and laws taken from us -- for example, do a search at the state laws that "passed" as of July 1 -- Virginia's being the worst by far -- as AMERICAN citizens as well, we have by CONSTITUTIONAL law, the right to defend ourselves and our property, but those rights are slipping away as well.
Why? Because "All We Like Sheep" -- we need to learn that doctors and healthcare professionals are like we are -- I had one resident whom I kidded and joked that with his handwriting, he would never make it as a doctor because his writing was too clear -- stand up people for what you believe in -- look at the laws that have been passed and take it to your representatives, and forward -- THEN maybe when the voice gets strong enough, we can be heard as MTs and make a difference
Off DE soapbox for now
Talk
To the teacher, principal, someone at school.
Well of course I have tried to talk to him (sm)
For years...talked and talked, went to counselors, read books, prayed, begged, cried. It's not like I just pretended there wasn't a problem and started talking to other men.
talk a lot,
determine where your hearts and committments are. You can get past this and have a marriage better than ever, if it is what you both determine to do. Time and effort, not to mention prayer, can heal.
I think your best bet would be just to talk with the
facilities themselves. My daughter just had a $5000 medical (ER) bill that my interim insurance chose not to cover because of an exclusion rider (started new job, did not take Cobra but a private policy). I just talked to the hospital personnel and they sent us paper work to fill out to maybe help with the bill. Also, you can set up a payment plan of only $10 a month. As long as you pay it every month, they cannot come after you with bill collectors, anything like that.
Our local news had an article on companies that will negiotiate bills and the like for you, but a lot of them charge fees and are not totally on the up and up.
All this talk below
where my husband and I stand regarding number of times per week/month... whatever. We are in our early 40s and we do at least 3 times a week and he seriously thinks it should be daily. I think he gets it more than most; maybe not.
Talk about HOT!
Man is he hot! What's not to like about him. I heard shortly after he and his wife (don't know if they were married at the time), but they were selling something called "butt art". Like finger painting but with the other end. HA HA HA.
Anyone now a days in Hollywood that will come out and admit they have a problem and get help for them I commend them, unlike policians who hide it. :-)
I just saw him on David Letterman last week. He is still looking great with all the gray. Still as hot as when he first came on the movie scene.
You need to have a talk with him, and tell him what you need.
Regardless of the risk, the choice to take it or not should be yours. Tell him that you NEED this, it's important.
I think you both need to get out and help others, and you will probably get more help out of it than they do. Can you volunteer someplace where there children, or elderly people? Homeless people? You need to stop moping around going oh dear, oh dear all the time, and go help someone who really needs help. It will definitely help your mood and make you feel better.
Do you have any friends, or good neighbors? You don't sound like you have much of a life there, other than working and listening to your husband whine.
do you talk about it?
This place is what I mean....
Sometimes I mention to people, that 'someone on the MTStars' said this or that, and they look at me like I have three heads or something!
I just seem to know lots of people who don't even KNOW what a message board is ... just wondering if it's cause I live up here in the boonies?
Please...I need someone to talk to...sm
Okay, its pity party time. I may need to get a professional's help, but I figured I'd start with you ladies first as you're my "free therapy."
I am feeling really, really guilty about not seeing my dad as much as I "should." So, here's the story. My dad is an alcoholic. He kept it from my mom and I for about 10 years. See, he left when I was in 6th grade and not in the typical "dad just up and leaves" sort of way. He got a job in another city about 5 hours away. I remember we were all really excited about it as it was a really good career move for him. Mom didn't want to move so the "agreement" was that he would come home on the weekends and see us (right). So this turned into seeing him every month, to every couple of months, to about twice a year (thanksgiving and Christmas). Him and mom are still married (don't know how she does it) but I feel such resentment toward him that it is hard for me to go see him. We only live about 15 minutes away from my parents and are in their town a lot to see my husband's family. However, I choose not to go see my father because it is awkward and weird and it stresses me out to the max.
I get to see mom about 3 times a week as we work together (both as transcriptionists) at our local hospital. I love spending time with her, but not with my dad around. I know I'm hurting his feelings when I don't see him but on his birthday, father's day, holidays, etc. He doesn't drink THAT much anymore, a beer or two a day (we think), but it still bothers the heck out of me when I see him drinking. Although it is better than mom and I trying to get him to bed while he is falling down drunk or driving away, getting a DUII, etc. I would never tell him how I feel because I love him and wouldn't hurt him like that. He isn't very healthy (hep C, high BP, neuropathy, etc) and I don't think he'll be around for that much longer. NEway..getting off track...I just need some advice and/or to hear someone else's stories about something like this. I don't know what to do and it is really getting to me. It does feel better to be able to talk to someone about it though (husband doesn't understand and talking to mom about it just makes her feel bad). Thanks ladies for all of your support!!!
I really would not talk to her or help her
in this case. Would you drive her to the bank to deposit you SHOULD have had?
Did you talk to your mom about any of this?
I would talk to her about getting a restraining order against him and possibly pressing charges for the threats and harrassment. I know this may sound extreme, but your dad sounds pretty unstable. I get the idea that maybe you don't want to be the one to turn him in, that's why I suggested you talk to your mom about doing it and go together to do it.
If I remember correctly, you're married, right? Is your husband at all willing to get involved and maybe tell your dad to stop. Maybe he could get through to your dad a little better.
For the short term with the phone calls, I would answer it the first time he calls and tell him before he even starts talking that "I'm working and I will call you when I'm finished." Then hang up and when you are done, call him. Lay out the ground rules during that callback -- i.e. talking about mom is off-limits. Be firm. If he continues to call you after you tell him you'll call him back, turn the ringer on your phone off. My phone still lights up, so I can see that someone is calling, but there's no constant ringing to interrupt. It might take a few times, but be persistent and hopefully it will work.
|
