awkward conversations with relatives
Posted By: selling cookies too on 2009-01-23
In Reply to: Anyone know someone like this. - MT mom
Sometimes there is not much more to say when it comes to the cookies. Sounds like she had just enjoyed the conversation and wanted to keep it going... maybe she liked hearing from you guys.
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when conversations deteriorate
There is an algorithmic formula for how many responses to a post before the conversation deteriorates. So next time you feel free to be me, realize you were just sucked in to a math equation.
I've been in the OPs shoes. Conversations over the phone with the ex'es were always no and it
was a good thing I did it because my ex had 7 ex girlfriends over the years and as my children grew up, it was bad enough that they had to endure visits with Dad and him introducing the next new girlfriend off to the children. My children knew that they wouldn't have to be subjected to phone calls or visits from Dad's girlfriends where they primarily lived, with me, and that was comforting to them. Now that they are grown, they talk to their Dad, but it's not an incredibly close relationship. But, Dad was the one who brought all that on. He could have been more of a father than prancing around with one woman after the next and not spending more time with his own children.
He was 86. I have many relatives
in their late 90s & a couple over 100. When your parents reach their 80s, you won't be saying things like that because you'll hope they have many years left beyond 86.
RELATIVES FROM OTHER COUNTRIES
My husband is a first generation American. His folks came here legally, worked their buns off, and did it the right way. My father-in-law became a citizen as did his sister. My husband's sister married a man whose entire family came here LEGALLY from Beirut during that awful war where they lost everything, their businesses, their homes, couldn't even leave their hiding places to buy grocersies because they were shot at, so they went without food for quite some time. They were singled out there because they allowed the females in their family to go to college. Can you imagine? They came here with what they could salvage LEGALLY, then got jobs and saved their money until they could start their own businesses. All of these humble people respected our laws and now are part of us. They are all Americans now except my mother-in-law who passed away still with her green card, but she always showed up and did what she needed to do legally to stay in this country and she loved it. None of them worked for anyone illegally or under the table. I say send all the illegals back. All of them. She is right, we don't have enough natural resources or cash to take care of all these people who do not respect us anyway and take and take and give nothing to to contribute to our society except more illegal things in order to earn a buck. Like sell drugs, drive drunk, pretend to be Jose Somebody at the ER so they won't have to pay the bill that we all cover. Enough.
I'm sure some of your relatives are feeling sm
the same horrible crunch. Feel them out gently. Together you can approach the insensitive members of your family.
Instead of saying you "won't be buying any gifts," say you "can't" instead. It's the sign of the times, and not a reflection on you.
You can have a very merry and wonderful Christmas without gifts. It's love that makes Christmas Christmas!
Merry Christmas to you and all the other posters and readers!
People can get pregnant on an IUD. I have two relatives who did.
You have to wonder why she hasn't had her tubes tied, and why he hasn't had a vasectomy and gotten a full-time job since he's perfectly able-bodied. At least if they're living off the dole, one or both should be going to college on grants to eventually be able to support four kids.
Who are you buying for, your kids or relatives? If you
know someone is going to return whatever then go with a gift card and let them get whatever they want themselves. But, whatever you give them they can do with what they wish. You have no control over that.
Wanted to let you know what happened to relatives
I went with my two sisters on two separate occasions to fill out forms at social security. One sister was applying for social security benefits and when asked about her marital status she told them single. The women then said, have you ever been married? The next thing my sister had to do was to give the names of all previous marriages and the dates they were married and then the woman said she was listed as divorce. Another sister, who only lived with this man for 22 years after his death went to see if she would be able to get any kind of help from them. You should see the form she had to fill out. It was called a marital relationship something or other and it went on for miles. We were told they ask about previous marriages and the like to see if people might be getting money from other places. With the married sister according to the years she might have been married to either 1 determined whether she got social security on that marriage. According to SS if married, gosh don't want to mess this up, but seems like over 20 something years then you would perhaps be able to draw from that marriage even if you are divorced from them so when applying for things like that if married previously you are not considered single.
I have had this happen with relatives and friends alike - sm
I am actually surprised now when someone actually calls or writes to say they received something I sent and *thank you* for sending it. How sad is that? I was also told to send a thank-you note or call the sender the very day you receive their gift, no matter if you like it or not. After all, they cared enough to send SOMEthing. Guess we are a dying breed???
Charmed...I have similar relatives. Here is something to remember
MISERABLE PEOPLE LOVE TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE MISERABLE.
That is why the saying "misery loves company."
I know they are your family. However, if they treat you that badly, dump them and move on. I went through this years ago. I have family like this. They never had anything to do with me unless they needed something from me or they wanted to belittle me.
One can find friends who are more like family and treat you with respect. Make sure you have caller ID and DON'T ANSWER WHEN THEY CALL. That is the first step. LEARN TO SAY NO. It will not kill you, I promise. When you empower yourself, you learn to like you for yourself and it no longer matters what these people think of you. When it no longer matters what they think, they will see it and pick on someone else. 
Actually, relatives in suburban PA don't lock either and I feel safe there, roo. sm
But i would not feel safe in my own home unlocked, even though I'm in a gated community with tons of outside lights, etc. For some reason I feel safe in someone else's house more than my own.
Anyone who has relatives in assisted living, high rise places, anything?
I have a dear aunt that went to live with her son and his fairly new wife of about 2 years. My aunt really needs the assistance of someone but this is not working out. She is 86, called me tonight, wants to go back home and I told her I would try to assist her. She is my second mother since mine died several years ago. I have heard that high rises go by how much income a person has. I do not think assisted living is a possibility as might be too much money involved for her, she does not get that much from social security. She has both Medicaid and Medicare and I wondered about inhome help also. Anyone out there who has a situation like this that can give me any information I would appreciate it. TIA
I have relatives in fairly rural Maine who never lock, and I feel totally safe there. nm
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