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if he quits drinking and changes for the better, you have your answer

Posted By: n/m on 2007-12-30
In Reply to: Or could he be using alcohol as excuse without - really being alcoholic? nm

nm


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Good luck. I hope he quits but...

if he doesn't he could at least smoke right by a window and blow the smoke directly outside - maybe in just one room in the house.  I think he should definitely smoke outside but if he refuses, blowing the smoke directly out the window will help a bit.  My father-in-law smokes in the house sometimes right by the window, and his house doesn't smell nearly as bad as a lot of smokers' houses.


I'm sure you know your husband is putting your health in danger by doing this.  My step-grandpa died of lung cancer and never smoked, but both of his wives chain smoked, and I'm sure that second-hand smoke was a factor in him dying of lung cancer.  My husband also has asthma, and I wonder if it's partly because his father smoked in the house his whole life.  Dr. Phil always says you teach people how to treat you, and it sounds like up until this point it hasn't bothered you too much, so you will have to teach him something different now that it is really getting to you.  Good for you for putting your foot down!


Short answer: Yes, it's VERY rude. Long answer inside.
I wouldn't want my husband to ask, either. In fact, if he did and the people said yes, I still wouldn't go and stay with them, because I'd feel like they were pressured. Believe me, if they wanted you to come and stay with them at any point in the last 10 years, they'd have asked you. I, too, live near a vacation destination, and I hate it when people ask to stay with me. They're the rude ones for asking, but it puts me in an uncomfortable position of trying to politely say no. And it seems that when I do say no, the thwarted "guest" then complains to everyone else in our social circle that we are cheap, mean and unwelcoming.
Tell your husband to crack open the wallet and pay for a hotel.
And the drinking age is....
This might have changed since my kids were growing up. When the kids and I visited Jamaica, no drinking age there and so my 15 year old son was allowed to drink, even his much younger sister could order from a bar but in the US the age was 21 and so that was what I expected out of them. I personally would hold any parents legally responsible for letting under aged kids drink at their home. I am too much of a stickler for the laws of the land.
husband's drinking
I think, from what I have read, is that he can only help himself in stopping. Has to hit bottom....after AA and being sober would be the time for your support. I think by staying with him now you will be co-inabling. He knows you are there, so he probably feels "so what, she's still here and I'm still drinking". He has to want to stop, until then he won't. Remember, it is a disease, and it can't be cured, but can be taken "one day at a time". Best of luck.
drinking for 2 years is not trying it out

Your daughter is headed down the wrong path.  If she's been smoking for 2 years, she's not trying that out anymore, either.  Apparently, both of these new habits "fit" and she's taking them home.  The fact that she says she feels relieved not having to hide it anymore is a sure sign she has no intention of quitting.  I strongly urge you to discipline her.  Children need discipline.  She may hate you for it now, but your job is to be her mother, not her friend.  Both of these habits carry dire consequence over the long-term (which I'm sure you are aware of) and both of these habits only get worse over time. 


Yes, I tried alcohol and cigarettes when I was 16 (no drugs) but only a couple of times.  To this day, I still don't like the taste of beer and never drank any other alcohol until I was over 21.  When my mom/dad found out what I was doing, I was severely disciplined - grounded, spanked (yes I said spanked at 16), and was stripped of any privileges.  This definitely deterred me from participating in these things after I was allowed to resume a normal life.  This may sound harsh, but I'm thankful today my parents put an end to it when they did.  I intend to do the same with my children.  I think that's the problem with a lot of today's youth -- they're parents are too worried about being their friend, instead of doing their job as a parent.


What is Nicki drinking?
I know she is drinking the drink that David drugged, but it looks like white wine or champagne. WTH? It certainly dosesn't look like sparkling water or whatever the recovering alcoholic normally drinks.
I would not drive after drinking it!
Use in place of wine:)
drinking soda
I think that drinking soda aggravates that. Cranberry juice and herbals teas calm this sort of thing down for me.
Legal Drinking Age
Many of the states that have chosen to specifically prohibit alcohol consumption by those under age 21 have a variety of exceptions. For example,

Some States allow an exception for consumption when a family member consents and/or is present. States vary widely in terms of which relatives may consent or must be present for this exception to apply and in what circumstances the exception applies. Sometimes a reference is made simply to "family" or "family member" without further elaboration.

....

Some States allow an exception for consumption on private property. States vary in the extent of the private property exception which may extend to all private locations, private residences only, or in the home of a parent or guardian only. In some jurisdictions, the location exception is conditional on the presence and/or consent of the parent, legal guardian, or legal-age spouse.

Some States also allow exceptions for educational purposes (e.g., students in culinary schools), religious purposes (e.g., sacramental use of alcoholic beverages), or medical purposes.

http://www2.potsdam.edu/hansondj/LegalDrinkingAge.html

Lowering the legal drinking age from 21 to 18

I didn't know this was going on.....


The article is long so I didn't copy all of it. See the link below:


College presidents from about 100 of the nation's best-known universities, including Duke, Dartmouth and Ohio State, are calling on lawmakers to consider lowering the drinking age from 21 to 18, saying current laws actually encourage dangerous binge drinking on campus.


The movement called the Amethyst Initiative began quietly recruiting presidents more than a year ago to provoke national debate about the drinking age.


"This is a law that is routinely evaded," said John McCardell, former president of Middlebury College in Vermont who started the organization.


"It is a law that the people at whom it is directed believe is unjust and unfair and discriminatory."


Drinking 9-12 beers a day means he is

No, sure donot see that. Was he drinking the beer
on the unicycle? LOL
Try drinking 8 glasses of water a day...(SM)
I just spoke with a friend whose husband was advised by his doctort to drink a lot of water for his back problem. He did and it worked and he feels better overall. Could be the bones in your feet are dry and building up with calcium.
My daughter was drinking heavily, she didn't know that I knew but she would
act strange and when I would try to come close to her casually, she would pull away. I waited til she fell asleep and could smell the booze on her breath.  The next day I told her I would buy lunch if she could go grab it and when she left I went in her room and found to stashed bottle of some cheap rum.  I know it sounds bad but I put some ipecac in the bottle and then waited.  I didn't put much, but it was effective. She blew chunks and blew and blew.  She thought she just got sick, but about a week later I did it again and after she got sick that time, that was the end of her drinking.  Smart girl, eh? She somehow figured out that drinking rum made her sick!  I may sound like a terrible mom, but I also don't have a drunk for daughter now either.
Red Cross told me excessive tea drinking could cause anemia.
o
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
 Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking. 
 Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines
Try drinking lots of water today, bet you feel at least nm
x
It's the other guy's wife that's strange. I can see guys drinking, watching
xx
I would have called the police right from the start, especially with underage drinking.
the mother could be brought up on charges of furnishing aldohol to minors for starters. Don't put up with it for another minute. The police will not tell who called, they just show up on the door step and take care of business.

Good luck.
EXCUSE ME! Smoking and/or drinking does not make you a bad parent! sm
I smoke. I drink margaritas when I choose too. This does not have any effect on how I raise my children. One is a straight A student. The third is an average student. Then I have my 21yo who is excelling in the nursing program and just told me tonight I was a great mom no matter how she used to argue with me, which she did and regularly. Smoking and/or drinking does not play a role in life unless you are an alcoholic. Just because someone drinks, they are not and guess what... they can still be a mom/dad and raise wonderful children.

If you want to pick something that is wrong, how about a church that teaches children to fast when they are only 11 and already underweight (not mine but a friend's). That is more wrong.
It is just like drinking Coors light determines you will have a boy baby and Miller Lite a girl. sm
I have heard that actually; however, it is not true.

I did hear that too much Mountain Dew makes one impotent!

Don't know who dreams this stuff up, but I would have to say it is not true at all. My hubby only drinks Coors Light and we have a boy and a girl, go figure! LOL
Wish I had the answer...
up at 2:45 a.m. to get DH off to work, then type from 3:00 am to 5:00 am, then back to sleep till 8:00 am. That's when my 2 yo grandson comes for the day... back to typing at 7:00 p.m. and hopefully done by 10:00 or 11:00 pm. Then off to bed... Try to eat healthy, get some exercise... but at night I do need a shot of caffeine to keep going.. also need to take frequent breaks just to move around to stay away... I used to think that I need more hours in the day.. but then I think I would just end up doing more and more and still not getting sleep... Oh well, only two more years until my DIL is done with nursing school... I hope I can hold out until then.
YOU KNOW THE ANSWER.....you
nm
I like your answer,
makes sense to me.....
Ok, perhaps an answer
In the Bahamas being as Stern signed the birth certificate, it automatically makes him the father. Now with that said and the Bahamas saying the baby is automatically a citizen there (and being born there is not considered a United States citizen)there is going to be some legal wheeling and dealing going on to ever have them do a DNA. The United States does not govern making anyone have the DNA being as the baby born in another country. Any clearer?
My answer is
no and no- just got more sense than to drink or do drugs and do not fool with anyone who would, not even a child.......
Well...I will answer
I am about 50/50... Thought I would lighten everyone's day but there are some people out there who need Midol, I see
Right Answer!!!
//
you already know your answer
just repeat yourself, like she does....I don't have money for that right now, I'm busy with my job. If you give her an inch she's gonna take a mile, you know. She's rude to ask you for exact weight, by the way, good for you not telling Miss Nosy.
And the answer now is
no because I understand about birth defects, nonviability of a fetus, complications of a preemie if they live, etc. so the answer is no, and I got pregnant soon thereafter and had a normal girl some months later.
Well, if she can answer that, then maybe she can tell me
why I have gotten some spots on this brand new $16.00 per tile floor I had installed. I have the tile man who installed coming over tomorrow. I put throughout my grandroom and I asked the other day if I should have sealed it, was told no but I doubt very seriously I would get any kind of satisfaction from where I bought it. Lots of money and now little spots here and there?? Probably not noticable to others but to me and hey, I live here.
Answer
Yes I went to see them and no I did not like, would not go back again. Each contestant performed 1 or 2 times and I thought maybe they would have group as a whole doing several songs, not so. Waste of my time and my money and just think, that was about 2 or 3 years ago and when the contentants were the best, not like this year and you cannot remember most of them on stage.
her answer
I think if you were to ask her and she could respond, she would tell you she had a BIG problem with it!
Thank you for that answer...I like that! (nm)
x
I LIKE your answer.... now... maybe this is
thinking outside the box... hey there's T-shirts to be made in this line of thinking... I am starting to feel better already, he he. :)
I will answer you as you seem to want to know
I have been in the same place before as the others, struggling, working as many jobs as I could so I know. My father used to fuss at me because I never saved- how could I raising a family? Finally when I got the first money from the skies??, I then decided to make it count. I did not squander, instead paid bills and put back some. I was fortunate in paying myself completely out of debt and I don't owe anything BUT I have to be careful like the next person, I love to spend and have to practice self control because credit cards can get away from me also if I don't watch it. I did have money in stock market before, lost a lot every single month and when my family member gave me lots, kept asking have you paid your bills and stipulation was I COULD NOT BUY IN STOCK MARKET. I gave my word, put money in CDs, find the best interest I can find and if necessary change them from one bank to another if I find a better rate. I am very, very cheap when it comes to buying for myself but I love to do for others. I never meant the post to sound like others took it, people were talking about paying on principal and luckily last year able to do. I will owe big time this year on my taxes- know that already BUT I have set aside enough to pay that PLUS I have extra when the taxes are paid- then again I pay more on the principal for my home. I am very lucky- just sitting here tonight figuring up how much I owe a month for IC taxes- starting in April I get $500.00+ from a retirement fund- that is taxed- but get this- I will use that money and then put another $250.00 with it and I will have my money for my taxes for the month. Like I said I am very rich in love and happiness and to me that is the most important thing in life- have not always had that either. Grateful for what I do have.
Isn't that their answer to
x
Got an answer
Years ago had a hysterectomy and the next day could not find anything in my frig except grape juice, milk and Grape-Nuts. I ate and ate- I spent the whole night on the royal throne- mother asked did I not know- nope- but apparently the cereal is loaded with bran....
Thanks for the answer sm

After asking the question, I decided to research a little and it sounds like cable is liked more by people.  I'm just happy we'll have something other than dial up!


thanks!


So he can answer their ads. nm
x
You already know the answer....
This is only my opinion but I think you would be much happier on your own. Why stay with a person when there is nothing left and make yourself so unhappy?

One thing I need to say is that he may not have touched you in four years and hopefully if you stay, he will never touch you again but I thought the same thing...I ended up in the hospital with six broken ribs and complications. I would never trust someone who can lay a hand on another again.

Good luck!!
possible answer
The 10 AM phone call was made the next day, the "tomorrow" Judy was talking about.
You won't like my answer ... SM
I would wear both of them out until they could sit down.

The 11-year-old for engaging it (I bet it started there with taunting and teasing) and the 8-year-old for his role, too.

I've raised boys. Been there. Done that. It will work.


You may not like my answer, but I think

stuff starts about this age group.  You are right though in that when it is a girl doing "the harm" it is a totally different story.  My son is now 14 and went through this with a girl, but I think she really liked him and this is what caused her to pay attention, yet in kids, they kind of think this kind of attention (although it did physically hurt your son) is okay.  I wouldn't actually say the girl has special needs. 


It hurts us when our kids are hurt, but if I were you, I'd let it blow over because the kids have probably forgotten about it already anyway.  I don't know if this helps, but I do hear you and I have been there. 


I hope you can learn to forgive (as a Catholic) this little girl for this deed she has done; don't we all deserve a second chance? 


ooh, ooh, I know the answer to this one
because we are superior!!!!
Second answer
Okay, I think I'm done with the computer for the night, so the second, similar answer is:

Madam, in Eden, I'm Adam.

Ya'll have a good night!
A: (answer) Yes!
nm
Wish I could answer that - sm
I am guessing it was via an online purchase, which I only do from secure sites.  I have been shopping online for over 10 years and have never had a problem until recently.  I would encourage everyone to check their cc statements very closely because when I talked to the fraud dept at Bank of America she said they can hardly keep up right now with all the new cases of cc theft. 
Here is the answer.
Not political but pasting it from politics board. Read it few days back.
===============

Subject: Stimulus Payment Info.

"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras , and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Japan.

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

http://forum.mtstars.com/misc/v/11/50269.html
Answer is yep! nm
x
there is no answer to your
I think creative/job is an oxymoron, especially the without schooling part.

Here's my two cents:

Pottery studios that are open to the public.

Chuck E. Cheese mouse.

Ringling Brothers Circus.

Mall gift wrapper.