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They think they're hurting the ex-wife, so they can't see that

Posted By: ex-fathers are jerks. on 2006-01-04
In Reply to: I can't imagine any father not wanting to make sure his flesh and blood - had everything they needed. Baffles me. nm

they're actually hurting their kids.


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Hurting yourself...
Hello, and I'm sorry you had to experience whatever awful trauma you did.

I had a friend who used to do the same thing. Lithium was her saving grace, as well as understanding from her friends and family, and a lot of counseling.

I've posted my email if it helps and you care to use it, but you probably also need medical attention, as well as counseling. If I can help in any way, please write. I don't hurt myself, at least not in that way, but I can relate to abuse and feeling self destructive. I also know that you can move on and create a much better life for yourself!

I'm no counselor, but I can be a friend if you need one.

Please take care and understand that there are some pretty sick puppies out there, and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You CAN experience the feelings without the physical pain you inflict upon yourself. It's actually rather common for us survivors to take our frustrations and pain out on ourselves, but we are NOT the guilty parties here.

Obviously, something triggers this and you need to get to the root of the problem with professional help, as well as help from anyone that will listen at this point. I would be more than happy to listen. Just please think of yourself and the fact that you are a unique creation of the maker, and the fact that you do not deserve the guilt/and/or pain you are feeling when you get the urge to do this. You are placing blame in the wrong place!
But you know, they are only hurting themselves (sm)
and I hope you are able to let it go and not let it hurt you any longer. Count it as a blessing that you are not around that kind of poison anymore; eventually it infects even the best-minded of persons, being around that kind of atmosphere.

I would add also that I personally think sometimes the good girls get the shaft because the supes are afraid of the bad girls litigating in revenge. If you can't dot all your i's and cross all your t's, that kind of person will string you up by your heels.
Hurting the kids...
You say they are not being hurt physically, but they most definitely are emotionally; they are living with an alcoholic and although the bruises and pain are not seen on the outside, they exist on the inside.

I grew up with an alcoholic father who to this day still drinks! I am now a grown woman of 38, but I still live with the repercussions of being a child of an alcoholic. I have had problems with relationships,etc., I know in part to growing up in a home such as this. I am responsible for my own choices now and have gone through counseling, but I wish as a child my family would have followed through and helped me and my brother when we were little. Instead, they stood idly by and watched the chaos unfold.

Please, do what is best for those kids! They did not ask for this and should not have to suffer the consequences. And please ask your BIL to seek help as soon as possible; this will affect his health severely as he ages. The rest is in God's hands.

God bless!


thumbs hurting
Anybody have a problem with just their thumbs hurting after a full day's work?  It is starting to become more chronic with me and just wondering if anyone else has it and what to do about it.  Figure just an anti-inflammatory should help but which one?  
Thanks...I hadn't been hurting for awhile since the
/
Ankles hurting.. any ideas
Having lots of problems with both my ankles, right on the outer ankle bone and across top of foot.. bilat.  Try switching legs when using pedal, propping up leg,  frequent stretching, etc. and of course I live on Ibuprofen..  Just wondering if anyone else has this problem, and if they have modified how they use their footpedal, placing it on an angle, using underdesk foot rest, or if there is any brand of footpedal that might be easier on the feet. Used to have wrist problems and changed to ergonomic keyboard and improved 90%.. any ideas for the feet/ankles? 
If this stops hurting so much with pressure or elevation, you have a bleed, honey.

not so good I'm afraid. ovarian cyst really hurting <>. hopefully will get better. nm
.
DANSKOS, but when any part of my legs starts hurting, I immediately do several leg stretches
fixes them right away. One thing though, you have to get a pair of really good shoes now - my daughter-in-law got me a pair of Danskos because she wears them (on her feet all day as an ICU nurse) - that was five years ago - they made a tremendous difference and now I wouldn't wear any others. There are other good shoes out there and you DO have to pay for them, but it's worth it.

My problem now is my back up between the shoulder blades - the only thing that helps there is to stop typing and apply heat. Right elbow is usually achy too, but that goes away when I rest it.

Wish I had a hot tub.

Good luck to you.
another wife
My husband has been active duty for 20 years.  We were stationed in the same place for 17 years.  As soon as he hit the 20 yr mark, they decided we needed to move.  Not all military services have crappy housing, though there are some WWII vintage houses still around as the other wife mentioned.  I've never lived in housing as a wife, but did as a kid.  I told my husband before we married that I wouldn't live on base, but a lot of people do it to save the money.  Your kids will miss their daddy, no getting around that.  My daughter spent two months on IV antibiotics, two hospitalizations, blood work, etc.  Didn't cost me a dime!  Just remember, in the military if they want you to have a wife they'll issue you one!
and he and his wife for MT'g ONLY use...sm

expanders/shortcuts and he said that's all he used to transcribe and that he was making $$ hand over fist this way and his wife too.....again he said he never *typed* anything, only used shortcuts for absolutely everything regarding MTg....and in that case you could do 500 LPH I suppose.....if not even more


I don't know the cost of this program any longer, but when I bought Shortcuts from him it did cost $149....it was a very long time ago though....hopefully that price came down over years.....


His wife

I think they are a total mismatch.  I don't see how she could have been attracted to him, ever.


OM doc's wife
I have seen closeup a similar experience (a friend of mine) and sorry to say, the deck is stacked against you. Lesson learned= never work for a doc whose wife is involved in his practice in any way...nurse, OM, whatever. Any woman who wants to be that involved is in need of a life, and will almost certainly get on some kind of power head rrip sooner or later, just because she can. Poor doc!!!
I need a wife is what I really need
Told my aunt the other day how much running I had to do and she said just don’t do it. Well, how pray tell does it get done then? What I do is, by working part-time, I take the mornings and/or nights to do what I need. The 2 days during the week I am off is kept for doctor appointments, and taking care of business. I also have a housekeeper which allows me time to do this running around. Working out of the home or working in, I never take time for interruptions. I will answer the phone for 2 and that is if husband calls and/or daughter, other than that goes on answering machine. Even those 2 know not to be pesty in calling.
And, the wife usually
looks at any office expense as a rip-off of her husband's money.  Having no idea of the knowledge and skill base required to MT, it probably looks like a pretty easy job to her.  Wonder if she'd like to try doing a couple of reports just to see how it is.  She might end up doing that very thing if you leave.  What a mess that would be!
both he and his first wife were gay. He is totally gay, and says so. sm
He is not bisexual, but has been partnered with David for years.  Get your facts straight. 
Military wife
Yep, my husband has been in the AF for 29 years. He has been deployed since middle of March and will be coming home at end of May. I've been MT for 3 years, but all at one place. Wish I would've done it sooner, when we were moving around. He's retiring this summer.
Wife swap

I loved it.  I have the same problem with my fiance.  He comes home and makes cracks if the kitchen table has stuff on it.  My deck is the other side of the kitchen table so of course it has stuff on it.  Men, gotta love it.


 


Thanks for letting me vent.


 


Lisa


I saw his wife yesterday. Don't know where
you get the overweight.  Sure she isn't rail thin, but hardly fat.   Chris is a local guy.  There has been talks for weeks that he didn't really want to win because he would be tied to contracts for a year.  He has a family and doesn't want to travel.  Look at the year Ruben won.  Clay was second and he has been more successful than Ruben, so I don't see not winning is going to hurt Chris.  Personally I don't think he can sing, he can scream, but he sounds like a moose in heat to me and I think he'll soon fade into the spotlight.  I have better things to do with my time than watching AI so I don't now about the others, though I did see a clip of Taylor on our local Fox news and I thought he could sing and he had a wonderful personality and is very comfortable in the spotlight, something Chris doesn't seem comfortable with. 
So, you are friends with his wife?
I loved watching his shows...so sad. Hope his family is making it through this okay.
Where is wife/mother
Watch the intervention program but basically what it boils down to is that even with forcing them into a rehab program if they are not willing to quit they won't.  They really need to hit bottom and you can force that by an intervention and get them into a program but if they don't see the "light" in the program they will only come out and do it again.   But first concern is the children -- where is wife/mother?  If they are in harms way then something needs to be done for them.   Hate to see them go into the child welfare/protective services programs but if someone in the family cannot take them if the situation does not change then that is the last recourse.  But get together with grandparents, siblings and pull together to try to get him to quit and see if someone can take the kids if there is no wife/mother around.  If there is a wife/mother then she needs to do something about the situation for the kids sake and if she is not willing, step in.  You would hate to not and then see something happen to the kids and not only that if something physically does not, mentally and emotionally it already is happening.   Good luck.  I might distance from him but not the kids.   Patti   PS - Dad was an alcoholic and ex was one so have had some experience with it.
Ugh, wife in the office! sm

I hate it! She is obviously "shopping around" as they all do. There is no loyalty when it comes to wives. If you cannot afford to dump them, then hang onto them until you can replace them. She will make your life miserable. I did the label stuff with the 1" pressure-sensitive transcription labels, Don't pay stationery store price.I am sure you can Google it. I used a paper cutter to "chop" the transcription and return it. The wife wanted me to take the face sheets, already handwritten by her, and print on those! I hope it's a large volume account. If she's saying get as much as you can on a page, she is being ridiculous, the only way you can handle that is to reduce your font and then she'll want you to reduce your price. I feel your pain dealing with the wife, they're ruthless!


If you can't get them to go digital (God forbid, that costs money) then you will have to work around her. I have walked that walk and it ends up you'll have to be the dumper instead of the dumpee which will happen eventually anyway because of $$$.  My heart aches for you. If it were a big $$$ acct. you could set up a laser printer offsite there with the bottom half printing out the labels and the top the letterheads. But, of course, they wouldn't want the work of cutting and placing it in the chart. Been there, it hurts! I thought the doc would intervene in my case as he would rave to everyone about how pleased he was, but he said he only deals with the patients, does not want to know anything about the office staff problems. I finally gave them a notice and left promptly after two weeks. My pocketbook suffered but my pride suffered worse that he didn't step in. Grrrr! If you know digital, you could also buy them a recorder (out of your own pocket of course). Hope you get some good advice here, it's been awhile since I dealt with those "paper dolls" I used to call them,.


The minute you said *wife* the

No wonder you have to do all this.  He has a wife telling him that you should be doing all this.  First of all, if he pays you, you need to be talking to him about this, not her.  Secondly, you need to decide if you can afford to go without this income.  Do you work for anyone else?  Could you pick up more work elsewhere?  If so, then I would do as other posters recommend and confront him with a new charge schedule.  If he wants you to do the corrections in-house, then have him schedule a time for you to come in and do this and tell him what your charge is.  If he's late, his office should have the courtesy to call you.  If not, I would make it a point to call in before leaving to check if he's running on time. 


He doesn't see consultations for free.  His time may be valuable, but so is yours.  Don't shortchange yourself.  Nine chances out of 10, he knows what he's doing is wrong and also knows that no one else will do it either unless he hires in-house. 


Leland has a wife and 2 kids?? nm
??
Sounds like his wife has a leg up. I hope
aa
Just found out that the suspect's ex wife--sm
is providing an alibi for him, saying that he was with her in Alabama at the time of JonBenets death and that he only knew certain things about the case because he did alot of research on it, as well as another case in California. Why would he confess to it, if he did not do it? and why would she, the ex, defend him?
Yep, I'm a Navy wife! Perfect job for me!
nm
Harry Truman's Wife....
Her name, her looks, her personality, just EVERYTHING about her was just TOOO COOL!!!!!!
Did anyone see Wife Swap last night?
One of the wives was an MT married to a chauvinist.  It was great because the "new" wife made him do all her work and chores in the house and with the kids, plus her MT job.  He was up until 4 a.m. typing !!  Ha !  He had a new respect for his wife after that! 
ditto the wife comment sm
I would say this is Problem No. 1 in a doc's office. They are a royal pain and they actually want you to lower your price in some cases. Leave them home!
re Dr wife and new charge schedule
I do have 2 other contracts and informed them that I had sent in my resume and that the new office might call for a reference on me. He told me he would gladly give me a good one - then the wife started confronting me and asked/told me that she knows I will resign because this is how it starts... and that I will not be allowed to just go but will have to keep working until she can find somebody else as it will take a long time (MTs in town know this doc & wife and won't work for them). I am a foreigner so I eat more of his nonsense than others but I think I have had enough! I will basically have to wait for payday and then tell them Im leaving you cold turkey or it will be a long dragged out nasty situation as she will just tell me she cannot find somebody to replace me. They have tried and this is the 2nd time I have gone back, first they got somebody in-office and let me go, then they got her back and let me go and then she walked out and they got me back again. I do have 11 years of exp and the new contract I have I can get more work if I want. Im just wondering if I won't be better off working my 40 hour week and having a life in the eve and weekends since my body is really giving me a hard time because Im working such long hours every day, 7 days a week to make not even what I can get at $10 p/h x 40 hours p/w.
The wife cannot work in Word LOL sm
The wife knows WP but not Word. They have a Mac at home which cannot convert the WP file to Word or that is her excuse why I have to do the conversion for them. This whole business stinks and its just time to move on and not deal with any of this, Im tired of always feeling like a monster and having my heart beat in my throat because I never know what I did wrong this time or how I will be treated when I get in the office.
Tell me again how DH being the IC and employing his wife is wrong?
I just don't get it.  If he pays the taxes on the money and she agrees to work for him for $900 a month, not to mention she is actually EARNING the money. 
never mind, his smart wife fixed it.

can't love overweight wife?! shame on you! nm
x
Inside and out apparently; man had a little baby with (now) ex-wife :-( nm
.
This same thing happened to my cousin's wife
and she also was 34. She was a school teacher at the time and had 3 little children. They treated her in the hospital for FIVE MONTHS. She was close to death for quite awhile but after multiple surgeries managed to finally survive. I do not think that they are suing. As someone stated, this is usually stated as a complication of gallbladder surgery.

Unfortunately, this hospital has a major problem with making those mistakes because my aunt also had her pancreas punctured when she went in just for a scope and also spent months in the hospital.

As hard as it is to accept though, these things do happen.

I am with the poster who said to pray for your cousin.
wife OMs are always trouble -- jealous, paranoid
poor hubbie lol

anytime a doctor's wife is involved in the
practice, it's always something...susan
Usher's wife comes to mind on this and if ICU warranted
would much rather be in the US than a foreign country.
I already know the details, hubby downloading porn while wife

Totally! I opted out of going to a cousin's wife's 2nd shower
after only 3 years! Ridiculous. The baby was even the same sex. And SHE never got rid of anything. So, I heard later that she took just about everything back to the store for refunds/exchanges! Really something, huh?
I assume it's Dutch (like his wife) but have no clue how to pronounce it. nm
x
A lot of times that same person is "the wife." Brutal
s
Ha ha! But will you start dressing as tacky as Dog and his horrible wife? Yuck! ;)
nm
Yeah, Daddy said Billy Bob's grandmother was his grandfather's third cousin's second wife.
Thank you. We are descended from the Hoots who lived in Killjoy, Alabama, right near June Bug. My mother was a Hoot.
One time I typed "Tp and his wife are retired and travel in their rectovaginal." Caught it tho
x
For Pete's sake, you're not terminating a pregnancy, you're just typing a report after the
It's already been done before you even hear about it, and NOTHING changes regardless of whether you or someone else types it. Sheesh.
It's not funny when you're on a board where language is one skill you're selling.
.
Hope you're gonna have a glass of wine while you're relaxing

in your spa goodies. Congrats!


Well, you're all complaining that accounts are current and work is low, so, gee, maybe they're
focusing on WORK, as in CLIENT and transcribing, as maybe half of you should be focusing on!!