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Yes, but being with a spouse who does those things

Posted By: sounds like my ex on 2005-12-30
In Reply to: Gambling, excessive drinking, working too much, etc. - Nancy

doesn't justify the other spouse's emotional infidelity.


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Spouse's job???

What does everyone's husband/wife do for a living?  Who makes more money?  I know I am being nosy, just curious though. 


I work fulltime


Husband is starting an online travel company (which I will definitely let you all know when it is ready so you can book some vacations!!!!)  He has been working probably 12 total hours a day with that (day and night).  He quit a very high profile job so he could do something from home to be with the kiddies more. 


 


I obviously am making more money as of right now, but hopefully will be able to retire once his business soars!!!!


What spouse???? sm
I am IT and I am raising 2 kids alone on what I make. It would be nice to have a spouse to help with the expenses and to be able to afford some of the luxuries of life, but that's not in the cards for me, at least not for the foreseeable future. :-(
Spouse's job

My hubby definitely makes more than me. He is also self-employed tri-axle truck on road construction.  works anywhere from 5 to 6 days a week, 8-10 hours a day.


I work a full time, part time plus 3 accounts of my own, 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week and I earn in 2 weeks equals a little more than days pay for him. I'm thinking about joining him iin that business.


Is there truly a way to get your spouse to....sm
really help out around the house?  I am young, lower 30s, and my husband is too.  He is on disability due to a mental health issue that is totally controlled with medication.  The problem is he does not help out around the house without me begging or getting mad and then it is just the basics.  We are supposed to go to counseling tomorrow, but I feel it is not going to help.  Another issue is he is not clean like he used to be.  He does not make an effort in his appearance, does not get cleaned up hardly ever, etc.  This has impacted my feelings for him a lot and I hate that it has.  Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in a place where I don't want to be.  When we had first gotten together I could not imagine my life without him.  I thought about him all day, couldn't wait to be around him, etc.  Now, it is the same 'ole, same 'ole.  We have only been married 5 years.  We do have a small child and that is the main reason I think I am staying.  I have told him time and time again that this is pushing me away, but still nothing changes.  I bust my butt every day trying to work and even pick up.  I do all of the laundry, do all of the bills, do all of the cooking and most of the cleaning. After all of this, our house is still a disaster area.  I am tired.  But I want that love back - just unsure if I can ever get it back again.  Any advice?
Spouse's job???
My spouse is a QA tech at a meat packing plant. He hates it, too. Has to work in a freezer. We think we got it bad.
maybe have your spouse or

someone else read you the questions to make sure you understand them. another MT would be great since he/she would know if you're getting the gist of the question.


The written part's always been the easy part for me. It's the transcription I fret about, often making things wrong that I had right. It's hard, but I'm learning not to second guess myself so much and am doing much better. What's funny is I always make 98% or better with my current company - been there 10 years. Just nerves I guess.


You've never been upset with your spouse
and didn't have anyone around to vent to in real life?  Besides, it's said that marriage without conflict likely involves a lack of deep or meaningful communication.  Research has also proven that couples without conflict are more likely to divorce because there's no passion or growth.
spouse abuse

Yes, I have talked to the police, but he was married before and living in NC and I believe he may have a record there.  He is a real slick one.  He put scratches all over himself to try and make it look like I hit him.   I have never had anyone do this before and he is a sick individual.  I am sure he has had prior incidences. 


We were only married for 6 months.  I refuse to let anyone hit me, no matter how much I love them.   


Thanks for your concern. 


Spouse abuse

I was wondering if anyone could tell me if there is a way to find out if someone has a previous record of spousal abuse. 


My husband hit me and I cant afford a lawyer but make too much money for Legal Aid.  I want to do this on my own.  I just need to know if there is a way to find out this information from a different state.  Are these files open to the public?  Or does a lawyer have to request these things?


 


Thanks so much for your help!.


If it's something you wouldn't do with your spouse
x
If you have a spouse who is an employee have
extra $$ taken out of his/her check for your taxes.   I am not an IC, but my company is in a state that has no state taxes and so they do not pay my state taxes.   The first year I paid a penalty (about $60) for not having enough taxes taken out, so I just figured out what they would be, divided them per the number of paychecks and had that much extra taken out.   We've always gotten a heft federal return, but usually paid at least half of that in state taxes.   This is the first full year that we've had extra taken from DH check and I'm anxious to see how it all works out.
If I expect perfection from my spouse, that must mean
I am perfect myself.  I don't know of anyone who is perfect.  I am not so judgmental of people that I expect them to never have bad days and never express frustration, or else the relationship is over.  I'm sure there have been plenty of days in the past 20 years that we've known each other when I've annoyed him to no end.  Sometimes intentionally....  LOL
One gift per wedding per spouse.

You do not have to buy a gift for this and that and the other.  ONE GIFT.  No more.  Oh, and you have a full year from the official date of the wedding to get them something.


Shoot, I cut my brother off after his third wedding (to three different women).  I'm not buying him any more wedding presents ever.  LOL  Especially, now that he's on his third divorce.


Refer to the Spouse Equity Act

You are entitled to coverage for 18 months...some of these responses just floor me!


Health insurance for me and spouse..how much? sm
I would like to get a general idea of how much I will have to fork out for health insurance for me and my spouse.  I've always been an IC and am looking to switch to employee status for benefits.  How much in general do you pay?
If you wouldn't do/say it in front of your spouse, it's wrong.
Just my opinion.
Every time I transcribe someone who has lost their spouse...(Sm)

or other family member and is having a hard time getting through it, my heart just sinks and I feel so bad for them.  It is amazing the empathy we can feel for people we don't know.  This pt is having a hard time today because it is the one-year anniversary of her father's and sister's death.  How very sad.


Bad things? what bad things? people's being petty and small?
x
You can't make things worse and could make things better.
The skinny woman may be ill.  The guy might not know the dog is a nuisance.  Who knows?  Maybe it is not as forbidding as it seems and maybe they just need to be asked in a nice way. 
I do a lot of the same things you do...

I also go water the plants - sometimes just being out in the sunshine for 20 minutes or so wakes me up and gets me going again.


I also do the online thing for my kids:  Gap, Old Navy and Abercrombie Kids.  I occasionally look at Sephora for me.  


And yes, exercise does help.  I either take a run first thing in the a.m. or around 1:00.  The morning gives me a totally different spin on the day - I feel better in general the whole day and much more positive.  If I wake up too late for that, I end up going around 1:00, as I find that around that time I start wandering mentally anyway.  I used to feel guilty for taking the hour or so away but realized if I added up all the minutes I spend staring at the screen (waiting for the words to type themselves) it would be more than an hour.  So I try to use my time wisely and for myself by exercising and feel more focused and positive afterwards.  This is a habit I'm still creating.  I've been doing this a while now and I still some days have to convince myself it's okay and the hour is going to help me, not hurt me.  After I'm done I'm always glad I went. 


Thanks for posting this question - you gave me some good ideas. 


There are a few things you can do. Don't

answer phones, let machine pick up. Turn ringer off on cell phone. Stay off boards, turn tv down or off. I don't know about others but I need a little background noise so I keep tv on a volume where I can hear it but not truly understand what is going on. I keep it on the music channel just so I hear something in the background. Don't think about the dirty dishes, laundry or 100 other things needed to be done in the house.


If you need a drink, get one before you start, same goes for a snack. I get a bowl of something to snack on before I start working such as pretzels, carrot sticks, m&m, etc. I bought an oven timer to keep on my desk. I set it for 3 to 4 hours and then take a little break when it goes off. When I first sign on I can work for 4+ hours w/o getting up.


Make macros of phrases. The phrases are the key. If you're forever typing something over and over and saying "I should make a macro for it," don't say it, do it. Closed head injury precautions are set as "chip-" in shorthand. I also do a lot of consults and at the end they have their own little "thank you for allowing me to participate" statement. I use the docs last name with a T at the end of it for the word thank you such as "SmithT" because not all the thank you statements are the same. WDI is written discharge instructions, wci wound care instructions. Macro your labs and headings so you don't have to keep typing them. If the word or abbr. needs to capitalized make a macro. igg comes out as IgG. The less you hit your shift key, it's saving a key stroke. 05m comes out as 0.5% Marcaine, etc. Make something you can remember. I'm at the point now where I've done the same accounts for years and hardly make macros, maybe 1 or 2 a day. If I make a macro today I write it in a notebook sitting right in front of me. It's a quick reminder for me.


Hope some of this helps.


Many things are said here...sometimes...

people get a bit testy.  But, guess what?  We are all adults, aren't we?  Long ago I learned to not take offense to things, remarks, opinions, whatever - as most often taking offense only drags you down personally.  Why let things get to you?


MQLover has every right to express her opinion.  Is she the only one who ever slams back when she gets slammed?  Hardly.  That is a natural reaction.  It's a defense mechanism.  We don't all feel kissy/huggie all the time, and we especially don't when we express our thoughts and get smacked for them. 


If someone's post irritate or bother you, why not just skip them?  There's a heck of a lot more to life than getting upset of bb posts. 


The things I do.
% of utilities, -phone, water, electric-mileage, internet, interest on auto payment, repair to car, cleaning equipment for office, repairs to office, cell phone, equipment-foot pedals, soft ware, supplies, paper, pens, etc.  I have often wondered if I could claim my PJs as uniform expense.
But apart from those things R they OK?

two things

Gas heater in the living room and an additional small heater for my hands, if they get cold.

I found it was less costly to install a gas heater than use the fireplace.


Thanks! I'm always trying to think of new things and though....
I thought this might be different to brake up the monotony! Thanks again!
Well there have been quite a few things
here and there, but I have always put off calling them cause they spend 10 minutes getting the spelling of my name right. I am like, "you can call me whatever you want to call me, just answer my question!"

The problem I am having now is that my internet will not allow me to access my bank site, but my cable company helped me with this problem. Since we went back and did a system restore and it still didn't fix the problem, they suggested that I am probably going to have to reinstal internet explorer. I left my CD at my Dad's though, so I will have to wait to try it and see if it works.

I am just wondering if I run into a problem again and I called if they would switch me to a US representative if I insisted. I remember awhile back someone posted that they did that with a credit card company or something. I think I am going to try it though.
That's if you want to be any of those things.
Really, why choose a career field solely based on potential income? Does money buy happiness? Doctors and nurses work very long hours. LPNs make $12 an hour, RNs $18 and up. Attorneys, well, who would want to be an attorney? Accountants here make $12 an hour to start out with a 5-year degree and CPA.
Have you tried these things? (sm)
Writing for the paper and making extra bucks by doing MT?

Maybe go back for your Master's and teach journalism in smaller colleges?

Possibly freelance for web sites? Check out elance.com and other freelancer sites. Lots need writing. Work that experience! Do you have a portfolio to show off?

Good luck :)
two things you can do

1.  Run Disk Cleanup - click Start | All Programs | Accessories | System Tools | Disk Cleanup.

2.  If you use Internet Explorer, click on Tools | Internet Options. Click on the buttons that say Delete Cooks and Delete Files.

Close your browser, restart it, and that should resolve your problem.


Well, with the way things are going,
I think I would be happy to get anything.  Many companies are doing away with gifts completely due to the economy. 
I'm not willing to pay for something that will only tell me things I already know.
I know to use an Expander and templates/normals. I know to expand phrases, words, reports, etc. I know to stay away from the boards, let the machine get the phone, and treat this like a REAL job, but it's really hard to concentrate when there's nothing but garbage dictation on the system. I can see somebody else already took all the work from my primary, so I'm stuck with the lousy ESL secondary that I hate and won't make any money on. I can never make any money working for any national. They bounce you around so much that you never have the same dictators from day to day and can't keep account specs straight.
are doing these things....NM
x
Some of us can do 2 things at once, and well! nm
nm
They are okay though there were some things I did not like - sm
though it may not bother others. Need to have AIM on while you work so they can IM you....they can monitor you this way too, unless you know how to turn off that feature. Alway felt to me like Big Brother was watching. Did not like primary account, lots of short reports (I like them long with good line counts, not these dinky 10 lines things that take you 10 minutes to crank out); loved my 2nd and 3rd though, but rarely got to see them. Were considered an employee, nice, don't have to worry about taxes. Had to give a schedule and stick to it (granted you are an employee so you must do that), but flexible. Have to work 1 weekend day too. Get lots of faxes, sometimes too much. People are nice enough though, never had trouble with QA. Like I said just a few things rubbed me the wrong way, good enough place though. Good luck.
What are the things that keep MTs
I'm putting together a list of things that make it hard for MT to get decent line count. Can anyone give me their opinion?  TIA!
Could mean a lot of things......sm
Could mean that the QA department is backed up and your report just hasn't come up for review yet. Does your QA department have a higher level to which more difficult reports are sent for yet another listen? It could be that it has been held up in this way. I know how frustrating it must be for you not to have your feedback yet. I hope you get it soon. :-)
Here are some things.....
If you own your home, you can deduct taxes, mortgage interest, DSL or internet service, electricity, heating bills, anything you bought for your job, i.e, pencils, pens, a new chair, a new desk, highlighters, etc., and anything else that is related solely to your business at home.

Don't forget you can also deduct anything you donated. Every few weeks I "clean house" and donate all my goodies to Salvation Army. But make sure you get a receipt.


Several things...
For me personally, I was drwan to transcription for several reasons. I love the field of medicine and I love to learn something new every day. Those were the main things at first. Now, I love to be home for my children and am happy this job that I already love helps me do that!
getting things done
I have found David Allen's GTD approach very useful in organizing life, time, and goals.  You can do a search for "getting things done" on google.
As if 1 of those things isn't bad enough.
Yikes.
I never go to any of these things...sm
that way I'm not stuck with buying stuff I don't want/need/pay too much for.
Thank you both - these are exactly the things (sm)
I was talking about! This will be VERY helpful. Have a good day :)
These are some things I do

Boy, I hear you on how time consuming and tiring it can be to get ready to go!  We don't have any kids but we have three small dogs (which are like kids to us).


We camp almost every other week-end, May through September, and I try to do as much as I can during the week to get things ready, a little each day that I can.


Also, I have bought as many things as possible to leave in the camper so I don't have to take things from the house to the RV/back and forth.  I try to stock the cupboards with foods that can be left there for the season.  This year I also bought us underwear that stays in the RV all summer. When we come home from camping, I wash it and back it goes to the RV.  (Then in the fall, it will come in the house and we can throw out old underwear and buy new again the next year for the RV.) We also leave warm clothes in the camper all season as they are usually part of our "winter clothes" anyway.


We also keep our RV electrical plugged in all season so I can leave many things in the refridge and freezer, without using up our propane to run the fridge. We have an outside outlet on our house so we can do this.


While we are camping, I make a list of things I note we will need to buy for the next camping trip; otherwise, I would never remember what I needed. I also have made a "Camping Checklist" of things I need to remember to take each time and things I need to do before we leave. That really helps me a lot.


HTH some.  Have fun camping!  We will be going on "vacation" (five days) in our RV next week and we can hardly wait.  Even each week-end away is like a mini-vacation for us.


Several things:

1. Separate accounts. Get a credit card in your business name to run all business purchases through. That will simplify things immensely. Get a business checking account (you can choose Jane Smith DBA - doing business as -Transcription Services Limited if you are not incorporated).


2.  The first year that you are an IC, do not worry about quarterly payments. You do need to withhold enough from your paychecks to be ready to pay your regular taxes as well as an additional 7.5% self employment tax come April next year. Put all of this in your business account.  The second year, 2007, - as long as you pay 100% of what your taxes were in the previous year, you will not incur any fines. So if you paid $8500 between your husband and you in your taxes this year, next year divide the $8500 by 4, to get $2125. Watch your husband's withholding and every quarter, take what has been withheld from him and add whatever it takes to make $2125 from yours. I.e. he has $2000 withheld, your quarterly payment should be $150 - allowing a little extra.


I agree it is worth it to find a good CPA that will help you get organized and give you deadlines for filing, as well as help you find deductions that you are entitled to take. But after that, easy enough to do on your own if you do your own taxes anyway.


 


I have two things (sm)
Watching my two-year-old son sing and dance, and my five-year-old daughter getting 100% on her sight words (reading) at school four weeks in a row. And she's only been in school for four weeks. My kids make me happy and proud!
Here's other things I do to them....sm
1. Ask them if they need you to spell everything you want to say for them.

2. Ask them if they'll be voting Republican, Democrat or Independent in the next election and to explain the pros/cons of each candidate. I love to hear them stammar on that one!

3. If it's a male, ask him if he makes his wife walk behind them and treat them like a second class citizen or if she is allowed freedom like we have in America.

4. Tell them you'll listen to their sales pitch if they'll agree to listen to yours - then start reading the Sunday ads to them.
Several things
Semester is half over!

Just 27 hours left to graduate!

Life's going good. Anything wrong is something I can get a handle on.

Feel blessed. My family is safe and well. It's beautiful weather. I have all I need and most of what I want.

I'm silly that way, I guess. :)

Things you don't know
Unlike you, I volunteered for yesterday and today, but did not volunteer to stay up all night Wednesday with a preschooler begging me to take away her tummy pain, and also deal with her illness as I tried to work yesterday.

I did not "plan" a "big" family gathering...they invited themselves over (all 3 of them), which I was grateful to do YESTERDAY when my load was to have been lighter. It was in my mind a show of appreciation for the 2 nights I have had without having to work or be the sole responsible person for this child in a year (they kept her while I was in the hospital from a stress-related GI illness).


I am grateful this child is in my life as she was literally dropped off on my door step unanounced one day because her parents wanted to be teenagers. But the stress of court dates, proving paternity so the parents can "get a fresh start" by walking away from the child they produced, the therapy sessions to help her cope with why they abandoned her, the state agencies that provided minimal assistance to kinship care providers but mandated appointments that cut into my pay to attend....

Right now vanity is a luxury I cannot afford and perhaps, yes, I kind of resent it for other people TODAY. I did not resent it yesterday and shall not resent it tomorrow (even though I am on mandatory stat coverage for the entire weekend with no pay for it).

I am stressed and I vented about vanity. Now, I will take the child I did not give birth to and essentially take my toys and go home. Thanks for the support! Merry Christmas, too!
Some things to consider...sm
For me, IC versus employee boiled down to benefits (PTO, sick days, insurance, etc.) versus the greater flexibility in my schedule. As an IC, I generally made more on the paycheck, but that was before taxes, which can become a nightmare if you're not careful. When I got to thinking about, really the only thing I was actually giving up was the greater flexibility in my schedule. I discovered that when I factored in the benefits package, which included holidays and other things in addition to those mentioned above, I felt like I was actually making at least as much if not more in terms of monetary compensation. Also, where I am at now allows a 1-hour window on either side of my shift start time, so I can start an hour earlier or an hour later than I am scheduled to without having to notify anyone about it. That actually helps quite a bit, but if you can stomach converting to a more structured shift schedule, I think the addition of benefits to your regular pay can make it very much worth your while, especially if you don't already have health insurance benefits through your spouse's employment. Another aspect that can generate considerable peach of mind is if your benefit package includes disability. If anything ever happens to prevent me from being able to continue working, my salary is covered. For me, all of these things were significant enough to move me to change. I spent the better part of 15 years as an IC, so I thought about it long and hard. Now I have the "V" word back in my vocabulary for the first time in a long time, and it's nice to be getting paid while I'm on "v"acation. Those are the main considerations that went into my decision process.

I hope those thoughts help, and I wish you the best.
I do those very things
I tell them I want consistent work, list the type of work I don't like (only 2 types), and I make it very clear what I'm looking for and of course all of them say they have JUST that.  My main thing is consistent work, I want to work my shift and be done, not be on here 24/7 trying to get my hours.