geewhiz...it's just a bit of humor...just for fun...*sigh* nm
Posted By: flybye on 2008-11-11
In Reply to: Unless you are into stupidity, you will only need 20 seconds - to decide to turn this trash off. nm
if we don't laugh, we'll cry
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Okay, now, how about some humor?
The flooding was so bad in Washington that New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin called the president and said, 'You're on your own pal.' --Jay Leno
Today Warren Buffett announced he's giving away his multi-billion dollar fortune to charity rather than leaving it to his kids. He said he doesn't believe someone's son should inherit his father's position in society. Today President Bush had him put under surveillance. --Jay Leno
President Bush will not concede that global warming may have something to do with this crazy weather though he has been conducting all official business wearing floaties. --Jimmy Kimmel
Bad times on the East Coast as much of Washington, D.C. is flooded. Several government agencies had to close down including the Justice Department, the IRS and the National Zoo. FEMA headquarters floated away. --Jimmy Kimmel
The Census Bureau revealed today that Las Vegas is about to pass Washington, D.C. in population. The big difference between Las Vegas and D.C., of course, is that in Las Vegas people gamble with their own money. --Jay Leno
Rush Limbaugh was detained at Palm Beach International Airport today for alleged possession of prescription drugs that didn't have his name on them. The news reports said he had prescriptions with two different doctors' names on them. One of the drugs was Viagra. Actually, the reason that he flies with Viagra is because if helps to prevent the person sitting in front of him from reclining his seat too far back. --Jimmy Kimmel
Heavy rains caused so much flooding in Washington, D.C. today that they had to close down the National Archives where they keep the Constitution. They had to close it down. Luckily the Bush administration isn't using the Constitution anymore. --Jay Leno
They also had flooding at the Internal Revenue Service and had to close that down. They said some records may have been lost. Good. --Jay Leno
He hasn't been affected by the rain. He's been able to get around just fine on the presidential boogie board, Cowabunga One. --Jimmy Kimmel
A 140 year-old tree on the White House grounds fell over. The minute the tree fell over President Bush wasted no time in blaming it on the New York Times. --Jay Leno
Do you know this story? Today President Bush criticized the New York Times for revealing a government program to spy on people's bank accounts. President Bush defended it. Bush said, 'If you want to figure out what bad people are doing, follow the money.' He's right. That's how we got Tom DeLay. --Jay Leno
a little BC humor
Since we've finished the presidential campaign, I figured some political humor might be in store. In a government class in a Sante Fe high school, they were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States . It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural-born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural-born citizen. In short, her opinion was this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. KC and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by asking...
"What makes a natural-born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by c-section?"
sigh
Yada..yada..yada..yada..yada..
sigh
Big Enormous Sigh.....whatever
yes, sigh
Yeah..sigh..***heart feeling heavy, soul feeling so heavy***, knowing we cant bring our soldiers back who have died for nothing..***my whole being feeling so heavy***.
sigh
Too bad for you that you are so closed minded..sigh..I pray for you.
Sigh.... I know...
I hope it's something my grandchildren will be able to experience.
Sigh....
Wow, seems like I turned on your spigot of liberal hate.
Yes, I was trying to type doesn't (does not). For some reason, when I type an apostrophe it won't post half of the time hardly justifying the sermon you just preached to me.
You are a mean, hateful person, and I hope you find something more joyful to do than obsess about our president.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU...
Sigh....
Yes I know Rx drugs for pain are dispensed for pain and if one takes them as prescribed, one does not get a buzz. The medication acts as it was designed to act. If, however, the person begins to self medicate for whatever reasons, i.e. taking more than prescribed dosage for said pain, soon he will be feeling no pain, that is for sure. Soon he will be feeling good, so good in fact that he will continue on this course for as long as it works out for him. I will never agree that anyone and I mean ANYONE who becomes addicted to any substance did not have a choice in the matter. There comes a time when the addict has no more choices, but that comes much later in the disease process. They will tell you they didn't, they will lie, they will deny and be in denial...that is what addicts do...This is not a case of **when bad things happen to good people.** I disagree and I believe you are simplfying things when you try to separate the addicts based on the course of how they got there.
What in the world makes you think I am obsessed with politics. I don't come on this board for weeks at a time. I have become increasingly frightened these last 6 years as I have watched our country change for the worse but I am not obsessed wtih politics.
My gratitude list, they are all on it...the right-wing screamers that is. You don't get it??? It works for me and that is all that matters because it is my list.
I appreciate prayers from anyone anytime so you guys go right on ahead and pray for me. I would never turn away prayer. Thanks.
I have gone to a **dark place.** YIKES, and I didn't even know it. You have a sore spot about abortion, stem cells, etc., for personal reasons. I have a sore spot about addiction and do not appreciate being told I don't know anything about it and that is for my own personal reasons. What is the difference.
And last but not least, none of what this thread has become from my standpoint anyway had anything to do with stem cells. It could have been any personality promoting any politician for any reason. My point is, was and always has been that Rush blew it big time on this. He was cruel and ugly. He did apologize and it should have stopped there, but as I understand it, he has carried on about MJF every day since (something I read, did not hear it from Rush himself as, if you will recall, I don't listen to him). I am done with this thread. I have ended up talking about things I did not intend to talk about. That happens a lot here, getting off track. So, I stand by what I said. Rush behaved badly and addicts have choices. The end. Aho.
sigh....
I appreciate the time spent on your reply but unfortunately you are not seeing the big picture here. I am quite certain there are countries on this planet whose history does not contain genocides or atrocities, there are several that come to mind. However, that is most certainly NOT what I was referring to. As I said, literal micro-analysis was not the point of my posting.
Sigh....
My friend, my faith has NEVER been in politics. If you will read my posts I have begged people to look at this situation as Americans, not as Democrats or Republicans. I have said I don't know HOW many times that right or left up or down liberal or conservative does not matter. Radical Islam hates us ALL equally. And the fact that you and other liberals just pooh-pooh that idea, after what happened on 9-11...boggles the mind. And then, of all things, try to say that whatever happens is God's will. What MT said was correct....God gave us free will and we need to realize how far reaching our actions or inactions are. If there had been more action during Clinton's 8 years against terrorism and not Ms Lewinsky's black dress and cigars, we would be a long way down the road to safety. But he chose inaction, which paved the way for 9-11. Pardon me if I do not want to see the same thing happen again...because no telling what liberal inaction will bring us to the next time. And it has absolutely nothing to do with God's will and everything to do with man's.
sigh...
Did you think that those folks would behave as adults? They are bullying children, after all. You were set up to be mocked and chastised.
Y'know, Teddy, I don't think Lurker needs you to champion her. While I do think she is an intelligent person and gives much thought to her posts and limits personal attacks, which is to her credit, I cannot say the same for you Ms. butt-in-chair use-of-defecation as an adjective....
I do have to say, though, that your posts for the most part have been an eloquent and ethical plea for a more humane world.
Once again, I BEG of you, talk to the terrorists and stop preaching to the choir!
I would think that anyone, no matter their personal ideology, would have been moved, even inspired, to ponder a different manner of viewing our world and our role in it.
When have YOU done that, Teddy? When have you ever viewed the world from a position other than yours? Stop quoting OTHER people and say something ORIGINAL.
This all reminds me of trying to argue/debate with my mother who was a borderline personality (a mental disorder). It's hopeless. You cannot have a straightforward discussion/debate/argument with someone for whom the bounds of reality are constantly shifting as their logic will never be grounded in sane reasoning.
You just described yourself, dear. Do you not read your own posts? Slam your mother on a public board...yep, that tells me a lot about the content of YOUR character.
Sigh...
"The Republican Congress..." Check the yay and nay vote. The Republicans alone could not do it. There are many, MANY Democrat names on it. Otherwise it would not have passed. Even the most partisan should be able to grasp that. That is the basis of democracy...majority rules. And the Republicans could not have passed it without democratic support. Just could not have happened. So like it or not...BOTH sides responsible for the war.
As to the grossly inaccurate information...if the Senate Intelligence Committee (ahem) bought the same inaccurate evidence the President did, and reported such to the Senate...why do I not see the same degree of disdain for them? They somehow are allowed to be fooled and Bush isn't? Would these same things be being said if the President in question was a Democrat? The answer to that is no.
I did not bring up Somalia, but my husband was there and saw that debacle first hand. Don't even get me started on Clinton and Somalia. He cut and ran there and if he had not, AL Qaeda would not be nearly as strong as it is today. By the same token...if Clinton had taken the Sudan up on their offer, bin Laden would have been in an American jail, not plotting 9-11. Even he has said himself that was his biggest mistake. Gee, Bill, ya think?? But I don't hate Bill Clinton or demonize him.
There is plenty of blame to go around on BOTH sides for most things. Trouble is, most folks look at the issue through blinders...can only see one side.
As I stated on the list of books...written for money by Bush haters for other Bush haters. No interest in the truth.
Democrats launched the protests? I would love to see how that idea is supported. From what I remember, my bet is most of them were not registered and never voted. Did someone card them and I missed that?
LOL. I did not say Clinton invented regime change. All I said was he was on board for it. And Richard Clarke was on board for it when his guy was in office. Bush's BIGGEST mistake was not cleaning house after Clinton left. He kept Clarke and Tenet on. He took their advice. They both at first stood behind the "lying" intelligence. The head of the CIA no less. So please....just let the old "lie" thing die. No body lied.....well with the exception of Tenet and Clarke, because they had been on both sides of the issue, depending on who was their "boss" at the time. Or, as I guess they call in politics now....flip-flopped. Yeah, flip-flopped....like a beached whale.
And my friend...the buck for going to war stops at Congress. All the Democrats and Republicans who voted for it. And if you will check the roll vote...a good many Democrats DID vote for it. Otherwise it would not have passed. Sheesh.
sigh
The door is always open.
Sigh.
sm
Sigh...nm
nm
Sigh. lol. nm
nm
*sigh*.....nm
.
Sigh. nm
nm
Sigh....nm
nm
Sigh. (nm)
nm
sigh. nm
nm
Sigh. nm
nm
Sigh....
John McCain did not invent outsourcing. You need to do some research on Mr. and Mrs. Clinton. China and INDIA were big projects for them. You know..INDIA. Where most of our jobs went.
McCain renegotiated a big defense contract that went to an overseas division of an American company so that the actual work would have to be done in the American division...created thousands of jobs on our side of the water.
Without free trade there are no overseas markets for goods manufactured in this country, and a lot of Americans will lose their jobs. But it is okay to lose THOSE jobs?
sigh...
You aren't going to change my mind, I'm not going to change yours. But, as I said before, I don't think Obama is running around killing babies yet, and I don't think he is going to. I think McCain supporters are getting a little anxious right now, so they have to try bring up crazy crap in hopes of swaying people their way.
Sigh....
........sometimes I wonder why we even try.
A little Friday Humor
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, What are all those clocks?
St. Peter answered,Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on
your clock will move.
Oh, said the man, whose clock is that?
That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.
Incredible, said the man. And whose clock is that one?
St. Peter responded, That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
life.
Where's Bush's clock? asked the man.
Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.
Some humor for my liberal
http://folksongsofthefarrightwing.cf.huffingtonpost.com/
I must have missed the humor in this.
And you must have missed that on a daily basis, the far left have developed a gang mentality where all the usual rules have been thrown aside. You aren't debating here, you realize? I could go on, but I won't. There is no point.
Would someone please explain the humor in this?
Is this an example of conservative humor (since the conservative talk show below wants to be the first to air it)? Apparently (but not surprisingly), Michele Malkin is a huge fan and wants this song recorded. I agree with his First Amendment rights and think he should be allowed to record it, regardless of how obscene the lyrics are. I can't post the lyrics here because of the profanity, but they can be found at http://www.blackfive.net/main/2006/06/hadji_girl.html
Sorry, but I don't get the *joke*. 
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20060704/D8IKSGI80.html
Jul 3, 9:44 PM (ET)
RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) - A Marine who wrote and performed a song about killing members of an Iraqi family has temporarily shelved the tune, a record producer said Monday.
Cpl. Joshua Belile planned to record Hadji Girl with Hits Music Studios, and the conservative talk program The Mike Church Show planned to be the first to air it, said Jimm Mosher, co-owner of the North Carolina studio. But the 23-year-old Iraq veteran nixed the plans late last week, he said.
We got a call from him and he just said he couldn't do the recording at this time, Mosher said. I was led to believe that he had it from high command that he wasn't to record the song.
Neither Belile nor the Marines returned phone messages Monday evening.
Hadji Girl surfaced in a four-minute video on the Internet. In the clip, Belile sings about a Marine who falls in love with an Iraqi woman and then encounters hostility from her family. Relatives kill the woman, prompting the Marine to gun down the family members.
An anonymous person posted the recording on the Web site YouTube, but it has since been removed.
Belile has said his song was intended as a joke.
He did not violate military law, Marine officials said last week. Belile's commanders will handle the matter administratively, which can include informal counseling about his actions.
Belile, assigned to North Carolina's Marine Corps Air Station New River, has said he believes the Marine Corps handled his case fairly.
Mosher said Belile still plans to record the song. Belile has said he will leave the military when his five-year enlistment ends in October 2007.
We're wanting to record and produce it, Mosher said. I think it tells a great story.
A little humor for Wednesday
President Bush was out, riding his bicycle, hit a rock, flew off his bicycle, over a bridge and landed in a lake where three little boys were fishing.
They rushed to save him, and the president was so grateful, he told them they could have anything they wanted in return for saving his life.
The first little boy wanted a trip to Disney World. The president said: No problem. Consider it done. I'll fly you there myself on Air Force One.
The second little boy asked for a new pair of Nike Air Jordans. The president said: No problem. I'll even see to it that Michael Jordan personally autographs them for you.
The third little boy asked for a really fast wheelchair with a big screen TV in front of it and surround sound stereo. The president said: Well, okay, but, son, you don't need a wheelchair.
The little boy said: I don't now, but I will as soon as my dad finds out I saved your butt.
A little humor for the Liberals sm
 He falls off bikes, gets black eyes from pretzels, and nearly flattens his staff with a tractor -- Dubya's middle name should be Clouseau. Wonder if he went to strongarm Caterpillar over their recent acknowledgement of global warming.
The White House announced its visit to a Caterpillar factory in East Peoria, Illinois, yesterday, where President George W. Bush advanced his case for expanding free trade negotiations. But it didn't detail the President's clumsy driving of a giant D-10 tractor that sent the White House press corps and presidential staff scrambling, which was reported at a Newsweek blog.
At The Gaggle, Newsweek reporter Holly Bailey writes that the president clambered into the driver's seat of Caterpillar's giant D10 tractor. I would suggest moving back...I'm about to crank this sucker up, she reports him saying.
But as White House staff started to move the press corps back, the situation became more chaotic. Bailey writes that the tractor lurched forward and White House staff too were forced to scramble for safety. Get out of the way! a news photographer yelled. I think he might run us over!
Bush chuckled about the incident, and referenced driving the tractor during his speech, saying I'm impressed by a culture of excellence and accomplishment that is the spirit of Caterpillar. I also appreciate the chance to drive a D10. If you've never driven a D10 -- (laughter) -- it's a cool experience. (Laughter), according to the White House website.
Bailey looked less fondly upon Bush's test drive of the D-10. Yeah, almost as much fun as seeing your life flash before your eyes, she wrote in response to the president's remark about his cool experience.
yep - black humor
Actually, I thought it was hilarious when he said it.......but I'm a pretty easy going, laid back person. I saw the comedy in it.
we will need our sense of humor
and some solar panels for this next chapter.
for sweetpea: I like your humor .....
...sucking on those sour grapes. It boiled down to this.
Go, Obama.
Get a sense of humor. n/m
x
Political humor
Subject: Will Obama get Osama, or will Osama get Obama?
After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama is still
alive', Barrack Hussein Obama has now been telling everyone he will
capture Osama Bin Laden when elected.
So, Osama himself decided to send Barrack Hussein Obama a letter in
his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Obama opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded
message:
370H-SSV-0773H
Obama was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Howard Dean.
Dean and the DNC and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it
to Joe Biden.
Joe Biden could not solve so it was sent to the FBI and the CIA.
Eventually they asked John McCain and his Staff to look at it.
And within minutes McCain's Staff e-mailed Obama with this reply:
'Tell Obama he's holding the message upside down'.
GET A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!! nm
Love this humor....
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_win_causes_obsessive
some political humor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzlIm_T8xjM&feature=channel
Political humor
YOU MIGHT BE AN OBOT IF…
You’ve never paid any attention to politics until Obama ran for President, and now you’ve become a political expert by reading Huffington Post and/or Daily Kos.
You feel tingles running up or down your legs when That One is orating.
You get called a Cheetoh a lot but you don’t know why.
You believe there are only about 200 PUMAs in the country.
You weep with joy while repeating the mantra “YES WE CAN!”
You think Hillary Clinton tried to “steal” the Democratic nomination.
You fly into a rage when anyone suggests Obama is unqualified for the presidency.
You’ve used the word “racist” more than any other word in the last year.
You’ve developed a keen interest in Hawaiian body surfing.
For the first time in your life, you are proud of your country, but only because it elected a black president.
You believe that with Obama as president, this is a New Age when all wars will end, everyone will be provided for, and you don’t have to worry about paying your mortgage anymore!
You think Obama is a Great Man because of his magnificent accomplishments … like getting elected, and uh, uh, uh…
You think all Hillary Clinton supporters are middle-aged lesbians (not that there’s anything… yada yada yada… )
You get a lump in your throat when you hear the words “President Obama.”
You get a lump in your pants when you see Michelle Obama.
You think Bill Ayers was a non-issue, and was done wrong by the evil media.
You plan to name your children Barack and Baracka.
You believe that saying his middle name is racist.
You think the political platform of “change” is original to Obama.
You believe PUMAs are Republicans pretending to be disaffected Democrats, kind of like Joe Lieberman.
Political humor
YOU MIGHT BE AN OBOT IF…
You’ve never paid any attention to politics until Obama ran for President, and now you’ve become a political expert by reading Huffington Post and/or Daily Kos.
You feel tingles running up or down your legs when That One is orating.
You get called a Cheetoh a lot but you don’t know why.
You believe there are only about 200 PUMAs in the country.
You weep with joy while repeating the mantra “YES WE CAN!”
You think Hillary Clinton tried to “steal” the Democratic nomination.
You fly into a rage when anyone suggests Obama is unqualified for the presidency.
You’ve used the word “racist” more than any other word in the last year.
You’ve developed a keen interest in Hawaiian body surfing.
For the first time in your life, you are proud of your country, but only because it elected a black president.
You believe that with Obama as president, this is a New Age when all wars will end, everyone will be provided for, and you don’t have to worry about paying your mortgage anymore!
You think Obama is a Great Man because of his magnificent accomplishments … like getting elected, and uh, uh, uh…
You think all Hillary Clinton supporters are middle-aged lesbians (not that there’s anything… yada yada yada… )
You get a lump in your throat when you hear the words “President Obama.”
You get a lump in your pants when you see Michelle Obama.
You think Bill Ayers was a non-issue, and was done wrong by the evil media.
You plan to name your children Barack and Baracka.
You believe that saying his middle name is racist.
You think the political platform of “change” is original to Obama.
You believe PUMAs are Republicans pretending to be disaffected Democrats, kind of like Joe Lieberman.
Political humor
YOU MIGHT BE AN OBOT IF…
You’ve never paid any attention to politics until Obama ran for President, and now you’ve become a political expert by reading Huffington Post and/or Daily Kos.
You feel tingles running up or down your legs when That One is orating.
You get called a Cheetoh a lot but you don’t know why.
You believe there are only about 200 PUMAs in the country.
You weep with joy while repeating the mantra “YES WE CAN!”
You think Hillary Clinton tried to “steal” the Democratic nomination.
You fly into a rage when anyone suggests Obama is unqualified for the presidency.
You’ve used the word “racist” more than any other word in the last year.
You’ve developed a keen interest in Hawaiian body surfing.
For the first time in your life, you are proud of your country, but only because it elected a black president.
You believe that with Obama as president, this is a New Age when all wars will end, everyone will be provided for, and you don’t have to worry about paying your mortgage anymore!
You think Obama is a Great Man because of his magnificent accomplishments … like getting elected, and uh, uh, uh…
You think all Hillary Clinton supporters are middle-aged lesbians (not that there’s anything… yada yada yada… )
You get a lump in your throat when you hear the words “President Obama.”
You get a lump in your pants when you see Michelle Obama.
You think Bill Ayers was a non-issue, and was done wrong by the evil media.
You plan to name your children Barack and Baracka.
You believe that saying his middle name is racist.
You think the political platform of “change” is original to Obama.
You believe PUMAs are Republicans pretending to be disaffected Democrats, kind of like Joe Lieberman.
Now THIS is humor at its finest.
It's just plain ordinary, dull and, well, stupid.
More political humor...(sm)
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=215336&title=President-Goofus-and-President-Gallant---Peer-Pressers
Political humor
This made me laugh. Hope it does others too. We all need some humor in our day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWTCIpT1j7U&feature=related
Political humor
On July 8, 1947, almost exactly 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object with five aliens aboard crashed into a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies.
However, what you may not know is that the month of March 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:
Albert Gore
Hillary Rodham Clinton
John F. Kerry
William Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles Shummer
Barbara Boxer
Oh come on, you cannot let humor back up
in your system. It has to come out.
Political humor
I don't think this is specif to either party. It's just funny as anything. I had tears watching this I laughed so hard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0O0wl_UaU8
yada..sigh
Yada..yada..yada..yada..yada..sigh..
yada..sigh
Yada..yada..yada..sigh..yada..
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