A single woman
Posted By: mt1313 on 2006-11-17
In Reply to: To all you single woman, can some give me some insight? sm - lonely
What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Please do not rush into a relationship with any man at this point. Enjoy this time and spend it getting to know your children better and just spending time with them. Also get to know yourself and feel comfortable with who you are - develop some hobbies and interests. If you've spent the last 2 decades in this kind of relationship, you haven't had much time to spend on yourself. Soak in a hot tub every night if you want to.
In a sense, you've just cut a huge wart off your foot and of course it's going to feel strange and unfamiliar. It was the wart that was strange, now things are normal. It just feels strange because you aren't used to it.
Hope some of this makes sense. If you think about it, I bet you are actually less lonely now than when he was there. Some of the loneliest people I know are in marriages and relationships. Some of the happiest and most joy-filled people I know are on their own.
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A single mother is not just a woman who has never
been married before. If she's divorced, she's single. If she's widowed, she's single.
To all you single woman, can some give me some insight? sm
i have recently ran my husband off after 16 years of abuse, alcoholism, and addictions. i have 4 kiddos by this man and have stood by him and tried to help him to no avail. it has been like another child to raise, not a partner. so it has been two weeks now and i am lonely, don't know why cuz at least i am don't have to listen to his *itching 24/7. everytime we do talk, it ends in arguing. my point is i want to stay single. i am not interested in anyone else, but am lonely. i have always been one to have a boyfriend or be attached. i don't know if it stems for insecurity or what. how do you get over those attachments and move on being happily single and raising kiddos on your own?  any suggestions?
At least she is single, not the married woman who took my father for $$$$$$$
talked about p.o'd. After my stepmother died (his wife)younger than me married women moved in for the kill. NO AMOUNT of talking on my point would make him believe they had anything on their mind except he was charming, I suppose. When something like this it is elderly abuse because they are using and trying to get money/property/furniture/cash/cars, etc. This woman made off like a bandit. I had started proceedings to have the courts take over his every day affairs. These 2 are close in age, your father and the woman so, you probably think she is going for the gold but lots of men dont even want to hear anything different. I think it is called stubborn.
That dude was from another time, and he WASN'T a pregnant single woman.
sheesh
I don't know, this post down below has me thinking. What are your thoughts, woman to woman. sm
If your spouse came to you and said he was having an affair, would you be more upset if it was with a male or female? For me, definitely a female! If it were male then I would think that it had absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. I would be devastated if he were with another woman. Another poster below said she would be more upset if he were found with a male. What about you?
woman to woman talk sm
This has nothing to do with being a christian, it has more to do with group dynamics. I have to deal with it all the time with 6 women in an in-law situation. They are narrow-minded Bible-thumping bigots.I happen to be of another "denomination" and I do attend every function of theirs, weddings, funerals, all of it, receive their communion. I have had my parents die, lost my younger sister and many things happen where they could have reciprocated, yet they will not "step foot" in my church. So where is all their faith, they certainly are not practicing the do unto others. I can relate, it is a horrible way to live. Thank God, I had psychology courses and know about group dynamics, I am in the middle of a herd mentality. I could go on forever, they even have "interventions" when someone in their family wants to marry or date someone not from their denomination. They are awful. I know your pain! It's not your imagination, they hide behind their cohesive "numbers game," one speaks and all the others agree in unison. No one has a chance against this mob. It's tough to be your own person, lots of tears. And guys think it's all in our heads - NOT! Hang in, perhaps you'll have a Divine Intervention somehow.
Kangaroo. cat woman or wonder woman?
x
I'm with you 50 and single..
I too have sworn off relationships and very happy being on my own. I cannot and will not go through it again. Both my ex's were two peas in a pod. Unfortunately, I seem to attract the same type of people. At 52, I am quite happy being alone but also having a great circle of friends. It far outweighs being unhappy, angry, always hoping things would get better when they never did.
I am not a single mom but...
I was a single woman when I bought my house. It is one of the things I regret the most right now.
BUT ONLY cause I wasn't settled down, no family, things came up and i wanted to move. I also bought it right before the market crashed 2.5 years ago, and now I am in an interest-only ARM on an upside down mortgage.
Now, considering this probably wont happen to you because the market has already crashed, there still might be room to wonder if it could fall more, depending on where you are looking to buy. My advice is if you are going to stay there and that is your home, your job, etc. etc. then buying is a great idea and when you mention you are responsible for anything that happens to the house... well that is the chance you take. Depends on what kind of home you buy, how old, and if there are HOA dues. I still dont know how I feel about homeowner's associations, even though I belong to one. However, they will be responsible for anything exteriorly wrong with my house, but for $80.00 a month. you know? so you definitely have to weigh your options.
My main advice would be DO NOT RUSH. that is what I did as I was young and excited to be a home owner at a young age, but now all that money i worked so hard for since the age of 15 is gone. I no longer have the 50K I put down on the house. That is something REALLY tough to deal with.
I love being a homeowner, but I hate that I bought when I did. you know? I know I am not the only one in that boat of course but it is still very very tough.
Good luck!!
well, I'm a single mom....
I've been divorced for nearly 8 years. I have taken care of my son completely on my own. I do not have a huge social circle, but I know what I like to do, and I concentrate on my son, but one day that child will (hopefully) grow up and be on his own and so it will be just me. I know what I like, do what I like, but sometimes, having that special someone would just, for me, make things better. But, now this is the odd part, having been married to the wrong man, I would be perfectly content to have a "significant other" without ever going to the "married" stage. I am fine and have been fine on my own the last 7 years, learned a lot about myself. Now at 35, I feel like I want someone in my life, but I dont necessarily have to be married. Sounds odd, and most of my friends are the opposite. But, I'm also one of those people that never had a lot of boyfriends, etc. I was not the girl in high school who had crushes on a lot of guys, I chose to date and not have a serious relationship in high school because I thought I was too young for that, haha. I've seen both ends of the spectrum, I've seen completely happy couples, my own mom and step-dad for example, if I was to ever get married again, I want a relationship like theirs. They are each other's best friends, and still so in love, but they also make a point of doing things separately because they are, after all, 2 separate people; and I've seen people in my life who are in their 60s and still perfectly content to be single.
I'm in the middle of that spectrum, haha, I would like someone to share in parts of my life, but I don't have to marry him if that never happens either. :)
I do know that I'm picky on friends, and I'm shy, and I don't date much, its just hard to date. I'm a single mom, I work from home, I live in a small town and have only been here 6 years, but only made 2 friends, well, people I would consider friends, I work midnights, sleep during the day, and spend time with my son in the evenings and with our family on the weekends, so I really don't even have time to date, so its a darn good thing I am happy in my life, haha, or I'd be a lonely mess. Sometimes it does get lonely, but in an affection way, not so much in a socializing way for me, I don't know how else to word that.
So happy to be single.
Sounds like he has a huge stick stuck somewhere uncomfortable. Big hugs for you!
were you a single parent
x
It was not my attempt to single anyone out
is simply curiosity about some of the posts I've read. Has nothing to do with Huckabee, constitution, declaration of independence, etc.
As far as the nice day goes... right back at ya! :)
Question for single MTs
I am divorced now for awhile. I am finding that I have absolutely no interest in dating! I look at the online dating sights occasionally but no one attracts me. There seem to be slim pickens if you know what I mean. Anyway, I seem to be very happy on my own. My question is, do any of you feel the same? I guess I'm just at a point in my life where I'd rather stay single.
not one single fear
zero, zip, zilch, nada...
we are born with two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. the rest we create or obtain on our own later in life. me: none, other than the two i was born with.
Single Mom Survivor here ... have
Looking back over my experience as an owner and as a renter, raising my children alone with limited resources:
Renting is easier and more cost effective for you than buying.
Pro's of renting:
1. Low deposit to get in the door.
2. Rent is usually reasonable and oftentimes contract won't go up if you are a good renter.
3. MAINTENANCE is the responsibility of the management -- you are not out for those costs.
4. You can leave with a 30-day notice.
Pro's of ownership:
1. You are building equity.
2. Tax breaks.
3. If financial crisis, it takes about 6 to 9 months to get to foreclosure so you do have some time to find another place.
Con's of renting:
1. May require a background and/or credit check.
2. Although evictions are subject to some jurisdiction (they must give you a 10-day notice), it can be quicker to evict you from a rental than from your own property.
Con's of ownership:
1. ALL maintenance and repairs are up to you. Can be very costly.
2. You cannot get out of this very easily - especially in this market.
Hope this helps.
She's not a single person
The cnn article is worded a little confusingly, but the woman is married and her husband is the one who is scheduled to return to Iraq, not her father.
I have no idea why she was taking fertility drugs when she already has 6 at home - unless they are not biologically hers. The doctors should be sued for malpractice for implanting that many embryos. The ethics guidelines these days state that they should not implant any more than two at a time to avoid situations exactly like this.
And now you see why they're single!
I think the internet is partially to blame. Guys start trolling for women and never stop the conquest. Supposedly hot babes to flirt with, who wants an average girl in real life?
If you could force the creeps to tell the truth:
"Sorry I blew off our lunch date, but I was busy having spur-of-the-moment cybersex with a stranger."
"Oh, I never intended to actually MEET you, I only enjoyed the challenge of seeing if you would meet ME. I prefer fantasies to reality."
"Disappointing women gives me a power rush. Score!"
"Quantity over quality, honey. Now describe what you're wearing. And what WAS your name again?"
Definition of a single man...
... I heard this and told it to my then-husband, who, oddly enough, did not find it funny. (Perhaps because the shoe fit all too well.)
Anyway... this lady said that many men basically had their d*ck in one hand and their umbilical cord in the other, and were looking for a place they could plug them both in....
Is he single?? LOL - not many good ones left. nm
x
single-parent dating (sm)
I'm not sure that the length of time you have been dating is really relevant as other posters mentioned. If you feel you need to have the relationship defined, it should be and when it is, you need to decide what to do next.
It is SO hard to date when you have a child, especially a daughter that you want to raise with good morals and self esteem. In order to build a good relationship and be sure the guy likes your kid, you have to invest time and expose the child(ren) to him. If he's not *the one* then you have to repeat the process, thereby exposing you kids to men, attachments, and as far as I'm concerned, confusion on the part of the kids.
I came to this conclusion shortly after my ex and I split when my daughter was 5. I dated one guy, we broke up, and didn't date again until she was out of high school.
I also identified with a line in Jerry MacGuire; words to the effect that spending time with my kid was more fun and fulfilling than any frog or potential prince.
It's my opinion and only my opinion that we had our lives, made our decisions, had our fun, made our mistakes, brought kids into the world and they should be our focus. It's hard to focus and give full attention to a child when there is guy anxiety.
I know many have done it and have been extremely successful with merging families and doing the step-dad/mom thing. I just didn't think it was fair to gamble with my child's future... things don't always happen in real life like they do in movies...
All of this was probably of no help, but I sincerely think you do need to stop and think what is going to give you peace of mind, not necessarily happiness or instant gratification, and know that whatever does give you peace of mind will benefit your child.
Good luck, sweetie! :-)
I assume you're single.......
You need to call this guy. Call him at the office with a "question" and see where the conversation takes you.....Good luck!!!
Oxymoron indeed! LOL. Single is definitely best if you can afford it : )
x
I am talking single mom by choice, not by
a death. I have been widowed before and still had a child at home and the insurance money then was split half for a burial and I gave my child the other $10,000. I do not believe in pity-parties as I see a lot on MTS. I am just glad I waited until later when having my children. I think the ultrasound is a way to make a women thing more about what should be her decision alone but would not have changed my mind then or now.
I am a single young person
and you know sometimes it is nicer to go out and do things on your own. I have found sometimes when I have gone out with people they do not want to do the same thing so you end up wasting energy trying to convince them or they lollygag and I hate that. As much as it is nice to have someone or a special someone to do things with, there is nothing wrong with being an independent and doing things on your own. As I see it, if I wait around for someone to magically appear to do things with, I may miss out on a lot of good things. As for bus trips, I live in the SF Bay Area and I know I have seen all sorts of neat bus trips to places like national parks, Tahoe, etc and you go in a group and explore.
a single paddling at school is different
from a parent keeping a paddle at home during the summer. I'm wondering why you need to go on and on about this.
My past is my past. I believe each parent has the right to raise their children in a manner that suites each family. My hope is that physical punishment is limited, but there are other methods of physical punishment other than paddling which can do worse harm to a child. Even verbal abuse can be worse.
Thank you for your sympathy for the decisions my parents made, but those things are in the past. BTW, I don't let people get close before of emotional manipulations by people in my adult life and not having learned how to stand up for myself when I was a child. Now I have learned those leasons and just use more caution about whom I take into my confidence. I'm not as screwed up as I feel you are trying to intimate :)
I celebrate being single and when I'm pregnant.
I'm not 16, however. Her sister is young and made a mistake. I'm not going to judge her ability to parent based on what Britney has done.
I don't disagree that a single home would be best
although I do disagree that group home placement is less desirable for short-term placements for multiple siblings under the federal 15/24 law by keeping the family connection intact (again, please read that my perspective is under the short-term law as it currently stands because the goal is reunification with the parents). Imagine losing your parents, then your whole family, your home, all your friends, just so some strangers can keep the kids together and who only knows what mental or other distress they suffer in that situation. Granted there are some good foster providers, but most of them want to adopt (not all of them, but most of them do) and fewer want siblings in today's environment than even just 10 years ago.
I personally took no offense in what she said about the kids. Having had a daycare for 10 years, I have seen all sides of the racial, economic, foster care, state involvement, abuse, family disagreements, drug abuse, etc., that any one person could possibly imagine. When she responded to your question about the biracial statement, even you said her answer was _not a biggie._
While you do not specifically state in your post that you adopted any of the children for whom you cared, I was pointing out the adoption factor in the federal law that currently exists and how it effects kinship care and foster care and how that law effects children and siblings. It DOES sound from your post that you saw things from a foster care perspective (pure speculation on my part).
Currently in the US there are over 5 million kids being cared for by relatives and less than 600,000 in formal foster/group home care. I've seen a grandmother who raised her 3 grandchildren for 10 years ripped away from her by the _justice_ system to be given to complete strangers because when the bio dad got out of jail, his exercised his right to reclaim the children and promptly allowed people the children had never seen before adopt them. I've seen grandparents lose their newborn grandchild to foster care parents because the state was running adoption services in preference to keeping the child with his/her family.
I am very pro kinship care even though the government finally realized a way to save millions of dollars a year by providing less support to kins than to foster care providers, draining resources on a larger number of kins who are usually older and closer to retirement age...people you give up everything they have to keep their family together.
Try not to let that chip on your shoulder damage your halo :)
dang! am I glad I'm single!
What are you doing putting up with this!?! WOW!!! Are you kidding?!?! Abusers isolate their victims, cut them off from their family and friends. Climb a giant ladder and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!! You and your sister are free to do as you please. This piece of work you are married to (and whose emotions you have obviously tip-toed around for ages) is going to have to get over it. He's obviously ashamed of something, his home, his lack of employment, himself. I cannot believe you have put up with this for ages --- grow a set and use 'em!
Are we talking single people or
families with children?  H and I make between that together but looking at our individual salaries no. We also have 2 kids. All I know is that we did not qualify for free or reduced school lunches. LOL.
neither cj nor Old Part-Timer said single
people were in unhappy. In fact, Old Part-Timer said just the opposite. What cj was referring to was the person above, who was in a "loveless" marriage. That has nothing to do with the things you're spouting off. If you want to ring in on the subject, by all means do so, but please post your response where it belongs (in this case under the original post) and stop trying to argue with someone who isn't even on the same subject as you.
They're both talking about being married to someone and not wanting to be. You're arguing about why someone needs to be married. Are you a McCain supporter, by chance?
Single moms - is it better to rent or buy? sm
I am separating, about to become a single mother of two children. I am wondering if I should buy a home or rent one. While buying seems like a good idea, I would also be giving a chunk of money for a down payment (which if I rented I could keep as emergency savings) plus I would be responsible to repair anything that might break. I would appreciate any advice on this.
thanks :-)
I was a SINGLE mother. I was not married at that
time. I DID NOT defraud the government or anybody else. I did what I had to do to feed my children. I'm glad you could make it all by yourself. I couldn't do it. Please stop turning your nose up at people who need help.
Just the once, been single again longer than I was married sm
I married a homophobic homosexual who molested children.
Thank you. Single moms on welfare are not all bad ones.
Women on here who say they have SOOOOO much saved for retirement and then talk about drawing social security burn my behind. It wasn't intended for the well-off to draw in the first place and probably will be gone by the time most of us get old enough to draw it.
This person is obviously overwhelmed with greed, wouldn't you say? In this day and age, with the greedy falling left and right, this one apparently doesn't understand that greedy behavior is no longer PC.
Use a dictionary - single=not married sm
From Merriam-Webster --- does not say "NEVER" married, just "NOT" married
Main Entry:
1sin·gle 
Pronunciation:
ˈsiŋ-gəl
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Middle English sengle, from Anglo-French, from Latin singulus one only; akin to Latin sem- one — more at same
Date:
14th century
1 a: not married b: of or relating to celibacy2: unaccompanied by others : lone , sole <the single survivor of the disaster>3 a (1): consisting of or having only one part, feature, or portion <single consonants> (2): consisting of one as opposed to or in contrast with many : uniform <a single standard for men and women> (3): consisting of only one in number <holds to a single ideal> b: having but one whorl of petals or ray flowers <a single rose>4 a: consisting of a separate unique whole : individual <every single citizen> b: of, relating to, or involving only one person5 a: frank , honest <a single devotion> b: exclusively attentive <an eye single to the truth>6: unbroken , undivided7: having no equal or like : singular8: designed for the use of one person only <a single room> <a single bed>
OMG, what is with bad perms? Every single time...sm
I try to get one, they either don't take or they fry my hair. Last time I had one I went to my usual beauty salon to have it done, and they tried 3 times to get it to take. Well the chemicals stayed in my hair even after I was able to wash it, and when my hair got wet, the smell was just atrocious! A bunch of us girls had went to one of our friends house. She has a pool, and wanted us to go swimming. I tried to tell her she did not want my hair to get wet. She was like oh it can't be that bad. Well after jumping in the pool, she was like Oh My God! What is that smell, it's horrible. I was like DUH, it's my hair. She had to come over and smell my hair, she did not believe me. Well after that, they called me skunky rose for months, because that is just about how it smelled! 
Single MTs - every just get sick of dating? sm
I have not been single that long - I am 41 and first and foremost a mom to my kids. I have been dating some though...and have found people to be so unreliable. Last week I told off two people for their unreliability and now my phone is oh-so-quiet. I can't decide if I want my phone to be quiet or if I want the aggravation. Right now I am voting for quiet. What is up with people these days that they just make flippant plans and then blow them off? It is my pet peeve to reserve my time for someone and have them cancel for some flip reason and then want to reschedule. We all have things that happen, but I get lunch plans cancelled because, "Oh, sorry, I overslept and didn't get ready in time - can we meet for dinner instead?" Does this happen to everyone or am I just not worthy of someone at least trying to keep their plans with me?
SO very sad there is not a single person who you would feel comfortable
or that you would want to just drop in on you without prior notification. What a humdrum, unspontaneous, antisocialist, by-the-book etiquette approach.
I am single mother, raising my kids on my own, but not
by choice, because my husband died at a very young age and because of his illness we weer unable to get life insurance, so I am left to support them on my own. I really am upset that would even look down upon a single parent in such a way. If you want people to be open-minded to your decisions in life, I suggest you not group all single parents into some sort of welfare classification.
single digit dress-size here
oops, well I guess I failed - i have 2 children, although do have second generation middle class values.
Vonage without a single problem for the last four years
Love my vonage wouldnt trade it for the world.
I even have a local phone number so my family five states away can call me locally.
....here. If there is a single egg or nit on the scalp, the kids aren't
b
Happily divorced 11 years..and still single!
Use your head first. You don't have to settle for the least worst of the two...there are other fish in the sea. :-) I found my standards were WAY too low when I married my ex-hubby. Now they are high and I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve.
I was divorced, did not call myself a single parent
and I worked lots of jobs to make a living, not 1 red cent from the father of my son, never and I bought and made it all myself- I took them around their relatives, they always had a good home, involved in their schooling, the whole 9 yards. I am not responsible for a child turning against their mother for their love of money (the son). Others on her asking what phone call more important than my daughter, well having a phone call with an aunt who is in hospice with metastatic cancer in their late 80s.....
I understand...there are single dads out there in your same situation (sm)
I think befriending and maybe at some point dating one of them might make you happy. They would understand that they can't be around when the kids are around and you could just sort of keep that part of your life seperate. I have been considering divorce for a while and I know that is how I would do it. Best wishes - you sound like a very caring mom. You have to take care of yourself too though :-)
You can buy a single/double burner at lab supply - sm
or jewerly supply places for about $30. We (jewelers) use it to heat up pickle solution (cleans the metal after soldering). I bought might from a place called Rio Grande, big jeweler supplier. You can probably find one used on ebay or craigs list though.
Mother of the new 8 babies, single and has 6 OTHER CHILDREN ALREADY
Talk about litters. She lives with her mother and father apparently. Be willing to say because she is a single mother with all that group she is on welfare. Your tax dollars at work here.
I was a single mother at one time. I had to resort to
food stamps to feed my 2 kids that I had while married. My husband and I did end up remarrying and I called and cancelled the food stamps right then. While we were divorced, though, it was food stamps or hungry kids. Yes, I was working, but tying to pay the bills, keep housing and food for my kids and keeping them clothed and in school was just too much. Believe me, I hated like rip to have to go the food stamp office and even apply. I was absolutely mortified and thought I would die of embarassment, but I did it for my kids.
A single mother by choice does not make them a welfare
recipient and/or a bad person. Heck, I would be more inclined to put that person as unselfish and determined. You chose the easy way out, the single mother took on her commitment and took the responsibility.
It's my birthday today, and I'm loving every single moment of it!
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