Has there really been much more violence since Saddam
Posted By: Chillie (sm) on 2007-01-01
In Reply to:
was executed? I haven't been watching the news with New Years and all.
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Domestic Violence/Alcoholism Question
First, let me state this pity is neither desired or deserved. This is a situation that I allowed to perpetuate so I deserve no sympathy. Also, I apologize for it being so long; I never learned the long-story-short lesson.
I was involved/lived with with an alcoholic who turned verbally abusive after a 12-pack, physically abusive after 18. For reasons that even I don't know (although I'm sure Freud could figure it out), I stayed with him for over a year. However, about 3 months ago, we had gone on vacation, his drinking and violence escalated and, after he kicked in a door at the condo we were staying in, I called 9-1-1, fearing that few slaps I had taken so far were going to progress to where he choked me again. In the past when the violence got really bad (about once every 4-6 weeks), I could just get in my car and drive the hour back to my house. This time, the whole thing was at 2:00 in the morning and my home was a 10-hour drive away; he was footing the bill, so I didn't even have the money for gas.
The original trial was supposed to be the end of April. He remained sober from the time of 'the incident', and we stayed together, until he jumped off the wagon 2 days before the trial, at which point I returned home. I was not going to testify, at which point the charges I guess would have been dropped (per the prosecutor; my ex had declined a plea deal that would have meant no jail time). I reasoned that maybe he had finally hit bottom and realized alcohol was ruining his life, but obviously not. The prosecutor ended up calling me the day before the trial to ask if I planned to be in attendance. I literally did not have gas money to get down there (abusive alcoholics take a toll on one's paycheck/bank account), and told him that, and the trial has subsequently been postponed and is coming up in about 2 weeks.
My question is...is it worth actually showing up and testifying? The ex is obviously a drunk, destroying the life of the adolescent son who adores him (how normal is it for the son to have to carry daddy up the steps to bed?). I can rationalize that it's good for the son to get away from daddy and his drunken pot-smoking buddies for a while or that maybe the ex will get rehabilitated. But in truth, the biggest thing for me would be vengeance for being used and abused. Would you go ahead and testify or just cut your losses and move on? As a side note, I'm not the first woman he's hit (although the others were drunk stoners and cop-haters); also, it's not that I would be destroying a man's perfect record- he has a felony DUI conviction after 3 misdemeanor ones and numerous in other states that never caught up with him(I found that out after going out with him 2 months...Bill Engvall echoes in my head- here's your sign).
Thoughts? Do I go for the vengeance or vacate?
GOOD FOR YOU! But, think of yourself first. call the domestic violence hotline FIRST.
They will refer you to any other agency that is needed. Perhaps you do not need to deal with his AA right now. I only say this because you can only concentrate on 1 thing at a time, and you need to get your self-esteem and self-care up. Then, you will learn he has to seek out AA, you cannot make him go if he does not want to. Perhaps the domestic violence counselor will direct you to Survivors of Alcoholics, etc. But please put yourself first right now. And put your safety first right now. But don't listen to me. Listen to them on that hotline and do not be afraid to take whatever steps they counsel you to do, they are experienced and know how to help you best. Keep up the good work.
National Domestic Violence Website and phone #...
If you haven't already visited this website, it's very useful: www.ndvh.org, National Domestic Violence website. The hotline # is 1-800-799-7233, available to all 50 states. You can call them just to talk and, if wanted, they can help you formulate a plan to get yourself and your children out of this situation. Ask yourself this question: Do you want to live like this, in fear, walking on egg shells, for the rest of your life? I feel for you and I'll keep you in my prayers. One other thing, I don't want to be alarmist, but when you visit any websites, like the above, you might want to make sure you erase the history on your computer each time so no one else can see where you've been.
Are you the Anon who was worried abt possibly violence or hubby taking your kids? m
Best of luck to you for taking the steps to change your life. I wish you well.
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