I may have been a little harsh in some of my posts
Posted By: sm on 2006-11-17
In Reply to: Thank you all...SM - AzMT
and if so I apologize. I truly do feel bad for you, I have sisters and I know I would be devastated. I hope someday soon you can both put this in the past and make up. I'm sure Thanksgiving may be a bit sad this year for you but I hope you can find some happiness and enjoy the day as best as possible.
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Goldbird
So very harsh -
And if the shoe were on the other foot? What if your daughter or granddaughter were raped and you forced them to carry a baby what would remind them every single day of the trauma they suffered.
You may think it murder but it could cost you far far more than you could ever imagine if you forced that decision on your daughter or granddaughter in that situation. Harden your heart a little more because they would never forgive you. Truly, NEVER forgive you.
So harsh.
I think he loves that little girl.
How truly harsh you are
My grandson also comes into bed with his mother, as he has had nightmares and he is a very well-adjusted, very bright young boy, who is cared for and loved a great. He has a great deal of sympathy and compassion for other people and their feelings; in fact, he knows not to say anything cruel or hurtful to anyone, and act with kindness toward others. Perhaps you need to remember that. His very much a boy, and has a great relationship with his parents, and I seriously doubt that he, or the other children mentioned here will have any perversions or be maladjusted in this life. It is people like you that go around calling others sicko that I fear.
harsh
If you are not ready to settle down, then I don't really think that is his fault. 28 is pretty old to be going out all the time. Sorry if that is harsh :)
Wow! That's a little harsh, don't you think?
I disagree with you that
'nothing makes it the woman's fault?'
I don't think so!
Call me old-fashioned, but I, and I think also other people, have in general the tendency to
'condone' if men sidesteps rather than women stepping aside.
I, myself, I would never have something 'on the side', it's against my nature and morals.
A bit harsh. For me, I am Christian, and though I don't
think you should live the way you think is right. In the end, truth will prevail. As a Christian, I will pray for you just as I do others.
Wow! A little harsh, but true :) nm
x
Not to sound harsh here BUT -
Freedom is not free. The military is there to provide a function in our society. It can provide wonderful opportunities for young people, provide them with a good education and training, BUT there is a chance they can be called to go overseas to fulfill a contract they willingly signed. I would let my children go in a second if they chose that route. I am at least 5th generation military myself. Quite honestly, kids these days have a better chance of being killed in a car accident than in combat. Look at the true statistics. You might feel better if you spoke with the recruiter with her. Just my two cents...Best of luck to her! :-)
Harsh punishment but . . .
like you, I don't agree with this sort of behavior at all. But what recourse does the school have? These days, kids communicate widely via the internet. When one child writes something evil or threatening about another child in a blog or sends bullying emails, parents go straight to the school and ask that something be done about it. In the same vein, shouldn't the school do something about their own teachers being bullied? Most schools now address this sort of thing in their parent/student handbooks.
We can leave this up to the parents, but sadly, lots of parents aren't doing their jobs, either monitoring their children's activities online or teaching them appropriate social behavior. In and of itself, this one comment about a teacher isn't so threatening, but the bigger picture can be pretty upsetting.
I have a friend whose teenage children drive me insane. I can barely keep my mouth shut around them. I would love to sit them down and tell them how obnoxious they are. They are profane and will curse in front of adults and then tell us that we're just uptight and "what's the big deal". Many times as I speak to my friend on the phone, her children will start a conversation with mom while she is on the phone to me. That's rude in itself, but the foul-mouthed comments about their teachers, etc., are horrible. Mom does nothing about it, in fact, she joins in with the remarks. In recent months, I hardly talk to my friend on the phone anymore, because these sorts of things were happening nearly every time I speak to her on the phone. That may not be relative to this situation, but it's an example of the kind of "support" that schools get from parents.
I think the school has to have some say over what the kids are doing online with respect to school, but 10 days total suspension is an awful lot.
Think I was too harsh in my comments to you sm
I apologize, I am very raw right now from undeserved treatment by DIL so when I saw your posting title, it bothered me. I love my grandkids so much that I would welcome a list of "rules" if one were presented to me. It's too bad she uses the Bible, I have had this done to me more than once by those who misunderstand the good book and use it as a weapon. I certainly would have a heart-to-heart with her, don't lose your temper, and let it be known that interpretation of the Bible is a very private affair and she should never mention demons, bring a Bible to your home, etc., etc. Give her the option of playing by your rules and an option of her only playing children's games, watching a movie, etc., and keeping her opinions to herself. Give her supervised visiting priviliges and then you're off the hook if she doesn't accept. If she persists, then she truly is in need of psychological help which is not up to you to provide. Give her the choice and if she chooses to keep it up, then you'll have no recourse, little kids don't need this. At least you tried, it's her choice to not adhere to your rules, unfortunately, she's missing out on a lot, I wish she could see how lucky she is to be "talked to" and given options. Good luck with it. Hate the sin and not the sinner. I once had to lay down the law with my sister and the Bible. I have made it clear that I won't tolerate Bible talk, she can come any time but the conversation has to be light, not inappropriate, not religious and no politics. It has worked pretty well, once in awhile she has a slip and has to be reminded but we are talking - no religion, no end-of-the world,no Jesus talk, it takes reinforcing every once in awhile. Good luck with it all, it's stressful.
i didnt mean to come off harsh
i just dont understand and that is simply because i have never been a smoker
I dont think anyone should ever start because it is addictive and I am aware of that, but there are also other ways to quit. i just was saying it doesn't sound like you really care.... which is completely your choice.
It is not harsh, this is justice for all.
The doctor who performed the IVF is as guilty as this woman, maybe even guiltier (more guilty).
They should go - hand in hand - either to jail or to the looney bin.
Children should get adopted or government takes care of them.
Way harsh? Oh come on. We are all adults here.
This is not a out of the blue tragedy. She sat for two months with lousy paychecks coming in. Why? That is her OWN fault. It would have taken one for me to get movin.
What is wrong with saying get up, get moving and get a job? What is the alternative?
There is no good in crying over something you CAN fix. Maybe the OP NEEDS to find strength now and not be babied.
For the love of Pete!
harsh landlord?
If my tenant fails to pay his rent, I cannot make my mortgage payment. Times are tough all around!
I know it is very harsh...the thing is I have asked her so many times (sm)
and the things she says are hurtful to my children. I am not petty and it is not over something small like candy or just having a difference of opinion. The things she says to them really scare and upset them. She let them watch a woman giving birth on TV once when they were very young...I had not explained yet to them exactly how a baby gets out...they were both very upset. She also has told other family members that she believes my husband is a child molester and that he has made my son, who is 11, gay. My husband is not a molester. My son likes girls. He has no idea she ever said that, but if he ever heard that she did, it would probably be very devastating to him. Each time I have sat down and tried to explain to her that we don't expose our children to this or that, and that we don't teach them to believe that there are ghosts or demons after them, she says she is a grown woman and can say whatever she wants to and gets all teary-eyed and wants to cry. Then later she yells at me, "oh, yeah, that's right I'm not supposed to say anything." She kept the kids while I was gone overnight this past weekend and I specifically asked her not to say anything that would scare them. She let my daughter invite a friend to sleep over. She told them all about ghosts and demons and how she once saw a demon in her closet. The girl sleeping over got scared and cried to go home at midnight. My daughter called me on my cell at midnight crying because her friend was scared and going home and she was also scared. At what point do I draw the line?
Are you harsh posters cops or parents?
A little late to post, but here's my idea as a mom of 5. Get her out of the house, some place public, Starbucks or the bookstore - a place where she won't storm off and you'll both be civil to each other at least for a few minutes. Tell her you love her, be understanding and really talk to her. Ask her what is going on in her life, is she stressed about something in particular? Don't alienate her. There is a lot of life ahead for you both and this is not a permanent condition for her. If ALL you do is punish you risk sending her off in a bad direction. At the end of the conversation it may seem you got nowhere, but she'll think about things and hopefully be a bit less impulsive. Please post back and let us know how things go.
Where did all the posts on this go?!
This was a rather lengthy thread with a lot of feedback and support....but it all has disappeared. I noticed that happened with some other threads as well, like when admin shifts them from one heading to another (like a Word Help question getting posted under the Main Board). That's a drag because a lot of helpful things are getting lost in the shuffle 
According to the above posts, am just
glad it was lotion and nothing else… what about that Ben-Gay? I loved that one.
According to most of these posts
So no matter what means you got pregnant. Abortion is murder. I don't agree with that mentality. I believe in choice no matter what the circumstances.
Thanks everyone for your posts (sm)
I appreciate all of the info as you don't find a lot of the true problems experienced when researching on the net.
I would like not to have surgery, but I don't think my husband would be willing to get a vasectomy. I can't go the hormonal route and have been told I cannot have an IUD as I have never had children. So, I'm pretty much left with the TL option.
Thanks again all for taking the time to respond with such good information for me to consider.
It's right above the posts.....
with the autoimmune link, mental health link etc. It's the last one.
CANNOT SEE POSTS - WHAT IS GOING ON?
Any monitors out here? What is up?
Why do the above 2 posts have to keep up with
their daughter's periods- is that just to make sure you have enough feminine products or just why? Neither my mother nor I ever kept up with mine. Is this a new fad or is it wanting to know if your daughter gets pregnant or just why? Both the posts are really new to me.
Not so, those posts came in after
she posted it. Try again!
You don’t have to say it but your posts
come across strongly as really hoping for them not to go- you said showing them off- I guarantee the majority of grandparents want to show their g'kids off, either in person or in pictures they carry around. This is NOT unusual. Why do you find this strange? You have the undertones of not liking this person. Your children are picking up on this.
Thanks, I appreciate all the posts here
NM
Thanks to all for the posts!
I read each and everyone and cried with each. I know I am still in a sad state just a few months after her death and perhaps I have felt guilty because of the sadness. I do know I tried any and everything I could for her, when she got too weak to make it to the bathroom I carried her and helped her, I spoon fed her with baby food and more caloried kitten food when she was a grown cat, trying to help her regain weight, she was so thin at the end, I was her eyes when she had her stroke earlier which she recovered from and it has hurt me so bad, my heart still aches. I have replayed things in my head like 1 said- time and time again- especially of the fact that I did not hold her when she died- and 1 person said animals lots of time want to go away to die- I know this- but yet when another person on this line said that it helped me think well, ok, she might have wanted to be comfortable and alone - well she was just in the next room from me then. I realize that probably the guilt I have felt is possibly the fact I am still grieving over my loss. Gosh, I never knew a little furgirl would mean so much to me and how I loved her. Another person stated about think about the life I gave her and she probably would not have had- that is true because her mother (when pregnant) came to my door and oh course I let her come in with her babies and my furgirl was born at my home- so see we had been together all those 18 years. My husband got me 2 other brothers furguys and I do love them. I would like in my furgirls honor to adopt another homeless girl from our humane society and hope to do that before long- not to replace- no one can replace her but to give another 1 a good home. Thanks again everyone for the kind words- I really appreciate everyone taking the time to write.
Thank you all for your posts! Thanks!
Not being physically abused here, emotionally I feel like a dog on a leash-- a short one. All this info is like music to my ears. The house is in his name, but I do buy all the food/pay some of the bills -- insurance, internet and I pay for clothes ect for my children. I cannot thank you all enough. I will look into free legal help. I think that is in my state. We always had separate bank accounts so I'm okay there.
As you can see from all these posts,
it is very important to have a gynecologist skilled in epidurals.
I got my epidural immediately when I came to the hospital and 12 hours later I delivered. The epidural was in there the whole time, probably on a low dose. I had no pain at all. After giving birth I felt bad and I vomited, maybe from the morphine. The nurse kept sitting at my bedside for 2 hours, engaging me in conversations, she told me I should not go to sleep, only after 2 hours, this was a little strange to me.
This what is, the 2nd day I got up and 2 days later I went home. I had never had any bad after effects, no pain on the insertiion point in the spine, no side effects ever. Good doctor.
At my first delivery nobody gave me the option, natural or epidural, I had no idea that epidurals existed, so I delivered without painkillers at all. Had they asked me, though, I would not have accepted the epidural, because it was the first delivery and I had no idea how painful it is.
I remember that I thought to myself that I will never have sex again.
But, ...3 years later I had my daughter, with an epidural.
So, my advice is, take the epidural, but make sure to have a skilled doctor.
These posts come across as not being very professional,
in their jobs, just the opposite. I might (and underline that) throw the clothes in the dryer but what you hear are women crying about what to do with their children, how to do their house chores around their work time- Good golly, what I am saying is I do not think a majority of the MTs on here would be able to hold down a job outside of their home because their home interferes with their work. I say either work at a job, not cry about it or do housework. One post said if inhouse would probably stand around a water fountain, that is a hoot!! No work, no production, no money. So simple.
Not sure what posts are below re marriage
but you sound so very well grounded and truly in love and love your husband and obviously he reciprocates. You are blessed but you also sound like a wonderful person who knows how to compromise when necessary and probably pick your battles - if you even have any!! I am also close to your age and going on 25 years of marriage and watch little things in the marriages of my children and I realize how much I have grown and how truly unimportant some stuff is - but sometimes you just don't see it when you are younger... wisdom definitely come with age!! You are blessed! :))
I have read all of the posts here and --sm
in my opinion, it is time to do what you have to do. She already has feelings against you, so what difference does it make. try to protect her as best as you can. protect your gd first and foremost. Get her some help, for YOUR peace of mind. God knows what you have done to help in your lifetime. Do not worry about your siblings or what anyone else might think. Do what you have to do..it is time. good luck to you, and God bless.
Posts being deleted - SM
Sometimes threads are pruned in order to scoot them back over out of the left-hand margin.
I suggest in the future if you have questions about your posts, e-mail them instead of complaining loudly on the board.
The thread you are referring to was pruned. It had nothing to do with the content of yours or anyone else's post.
Goldbird
I never said that - don't put words into my posts....
no need for sarcastic posts
I said pot.....
all you mentioned is most assuredly highly addictive...
been there, done that - need no lectures from an anonymous sarcastic poster 
I love all the posts concerning the
different marinades but I do believe with the MSG I can tell because of feeling like a sudden weight surge, like your bra gets a little tight and you have to unloosen it. I think this might be what they are talking about but then again I love all these brands, Lawry's included. Marinating the meat in dressings, etc. really helps the taste.
Now that I read your posts..
I'm figuring that's what my problem was. I had a tubal ligation after my third child 15 years ago. I had endometrial ablation done last March because of heavy periods, which was the best thing I ever did. It was to the point that I sometimes had to get up twice a night to change everything. My doctor told me that I might need another ablation sometime down the road or maybe a hysterectomy eventually.
That's okay. Both posts showed up sm
withing seconds of one another. I am so glad your family is okay. This is just awful.
True. But nn's posts often... sm
Come across as negative, bitter, judgemental, abrasive, argumentative, lecturing. This isn't the first time, so there does seem to be a pattern/problem IMHO. Seems like a very unhappy person, spreading that unhappiness around...
I agree with below posts sm
We went to New York this past summer and my drama class son had the time of his life. My daughter has a part time job, she works about 11-15 hours a week (that equals 2 days a week for her) and every 2 weeks she gets a paycheck of about 100.00 to 120.00 dollars a week. She could easily raise the money without taking away to much of her time or yours driving her to and from work. My daughter works as a cashier in a grocery store. I don't think you are being a cheapskate but I would do anything to make sure she could go.
After reading the below posts sm
I have to laugh. I have HP and have no trouble at all. It is the same thing with kitchen appliances. Have mostly GE and am not happy but many surveys say GE is one of the best.
So many posts against my views
but I posted about where I lived, in an association, and many came back against my saying it was so nice here, quiet, no loud music, no bullies to threaten your kids but yet people seemed to think I was being I guess "uppity." I only had 1 problem since 2004 and that was the pit sending flames into the trees next door, unattended, with their wooden area adjoining mine. I stand by what I said but if you are moving, got the perfect place for you. I am so happy here, not like others think an association is. The people here are really nice, not bothersome and we take pride in how we live. Oh, here goes the flaming!!!
These posts are a hoot!
I am so laughing reading about your babies. I just so love these sweet things and would never turn my back on him, even if he swishes when he walks!!
I have not read through all these posts, but
I had a cat pee on my daughter's new bed and was horrified. We got urine gone from wal-mart and that fixed it totally. Hope you find a solution!
Regarding our posts about suffering below (sm)
I am the one who said that I am a Christian but that I don't understand the suffering in the world either. I also disagree with Christians being self-righteous - this article/video shows that Christians and Muslims should be able to live together in harmony and we should all realize that when we become too intellectually/religiously arrogant, we forget the whole point.
http://www.cbn.com/CBNnews/214912.aspx
I can't read posts either...
Can't read posts either!
Thanks you all for the positive posts.
I didn't think anyone would tell me not to let him go and that is exactly what I needed. I guess all along I knew I would not be able to keep him here, my heart would hurt too much to see his heart hurt if I did say no. I know I am supposed to just turn it all over to the Lord, but sometimes that is really hard to do. I will continue praying about it and I know that will help give me some peace. Thanks again to all.
Before I even read the other posts
I understand what you are going through, having been through it TWICE - long story, I refused to be the 'other woman' both times. You have to change the way you think about this man. Maybe your brother did bring him into your life for a reason, to help you grieve and to show you some of the qualities that you want in a man - but at this time, this is not the man for you. It is very difficult to let go. I still wonder sometimes if I did the right thing by walking away, but I could not sleep at night knowing that I destroyed someone's relationship. For history, the first instance was my high school sweetheart. He went into the Army. We wrote letters all the time and talked about marriage. So, imagine my shock when he brought home a woman he'd met while in the Army. I had one conversation with him after that. I asked him if he was happy and he said he didn't know. He couldn't be sure if he'd done the right thing by being with this other person and not me. I KNOW I could've stepped in and he would've left her. But would it have lasted? Would he eventually regret what he'd done? After all, we were different people. So, I told him that I could not talk to him any more. It was too hard. If things didn't work out with this other person, I told him he could call me any time. He is now married to this woman and I pray that he is happy. I made the right choice, as much as it hurt to let go, and that is what you have to do.
I have been reading all these posts sm
and debating on what to say. Bear with me, this could be long. My mother's mother lives in California and has all my life. I live in Virginia. I havew seen my grandmother exactly 5 times and I am now 40. My mother died unexpectedly 3 years ago (she lived here and was extremely close with all her grandchildren). I knew that my mother and grandmother did not have a close relationship but they did love each other. The night before the funeral my father and I had such a long wonderful talk. He told me then that he never ever heard my grandmother say anything positive, not even anything nice to my mother. He wasn't trying to critize my GM but was just stating the facts. Two years ago my parents (dad and stepmother) decided to take each grandchild (4) on a separate vacation. My daughter really wanted to go to CA. Not necessarily to see her great-grandmother but wanted to include that in the trip. My parents asked me to go along. We flew to San Francisco and drove to her home about 3 hours away. Now keep in mind, my GM loves my father and thinks he put the moon and sun in the sky. We were only going to stay in her town over night simply becuase the woman is not enjoyable to be around. She has a very tiny home so we decided to stay in a hotel. My GM asked me if my daughter and I would like to stay with her. I did not want to but my stepmother really thought I should. We arrived and after spending some time at her house trying to show her pictures of the other grandchildren (she really wasn't very interested) we took her to lunch. I tried to talk to her about the likes of my other child as well as my nieces and what there life was like. She just kept interuppting and changing the subject. Mostly about my brother or to talk to my father. As we were leaving the restaurant my SM pulled me aside and said that we should definitely stay at the hotel. My GM has no other family except my brother and I. I still call her every week but the conversations are always the same. No interest in my life. My son's 17th b-day is tomorrow and he got a card from her yesterday. It was pink and covered in flowers. This is not a woman who I want to spend time with and never have for multiple reasons. I could write a book. Please don't "make" your children go. There are obvious reasons in their minds and you should respect that.
Thanks for your posts...yes FAFSA gives some
assistance but not enough, she still needs like $5000 for each semester (this is an Ohio public university)....education sure has gotten expensive, but you have to have it!!! Good Luck DW, stay in school,,if you can find a cosigner, Sallie Mae has what they call a Tuition Answer Loan, (you still need a cosigner) but the check is sent directly to you and the process really isn't bad...but the PROBLEM is getting a cosigner!!!!
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