My husband had a childhood no child should ever have to
Posted By: Wannie on 2008-01-22
In Reply to: Weighing in on the communication issue - Wife of a shy man
endure. Both of his parents were alcoholics. He was passed from relative to relative, whoever happened to take pity on him at any given time and provide him with a place to live. When he did live with his parents, he was physically and verbally abused. Believe me, his past is very painful and I'm quite sure it's not a place he likes to revisit. He didn't finish high school. He dropped out of trade school. However, he shared all of that with me because not only am I his wife, I'm his friend. I, on the other hand, was raised in a very loving, very happy, Christian home. My father was a minister and for most of my growing up years my mother was a stay-at-home mom. I can't even begin to imagine a childhood like he had. There a lot of people who don't know all about his past, but I'm glad he trusted in me enough to want to share it with me. Once again, I'm glad my husband loved me and trusted me enough to share details (no matter how ashamed he was of them) of his childhood with me. JMO 
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I believe my ex-husband fathered a child SM
while I was married to him. Is there any way to find out online? I am a complete computer-phobe, so I have no idea where to start, or if I can even find out online, on my own.
If anyone wonders what difference is make, it really doesn't. I'm just curious.
Thank you.
how can your husband not understand? play, read, tumble, laugh with the child
nm
Mean moms/childhood
I often questioned God why after 14 years of trying to get pregnant, I never did, then my uterus prolapsed and I had to have a hysterectomy.
I look at my childhood and it had a lot of faults. My mom was so devastated by her own bad childhood, that she really didn't know how to be a parent. My dad, who knew how to be a good parent, was often too busy having to take care of her after psychiatrists had her so drugged she often didn't get out of bed for days.
My mom is about to turn 65 and over the last 8 months or so, both my sister and I have gotten hate E-mail from her for no apparent reason other than she needs to pick a fight, so she starts pointing out our character defects. I originally refuted the points and it just escalated. I didn't even respond to her last hate E-mail. I'm wondering if something is going wrong with her brain (other than the mental illness she already has) from years of drinking or all of the prescription meds she's been hooked on (pain meds, amphetamines, sleeping pills, benzos.
Anyway, don't get me wrong, we did some crazy stuff when I was a kid. She even took my sister and me to a motel with a pool and we checked in overnight. I knew she didn't tell my dad where she was going and when she told us it was bedtime, I tried in vain to stay awake so she'd fall asleep and I could call my dad and let him know where we were. I was probably around 8 or 9 at the time. I felt guilt over that for years because I did fall asleep and never called him (and I wonder why I have insomnia now). He was crying when she brought us home late the next day.
Mom wasn't all bad times. When she was spiritually fit, we had a lot of fun. And I can recognize, as an adult, that she has a personality disorder and I just don't feed it. I love her and always will. I just have to hope I catch her on better days.
I guess what I'm saying is I hope that kid doesn't grow up with memories like mine. I hope the mother was just having a really bad day with a kid who had been acting up all day. And I hope she told him she was sorry and hugged him.
Anyway, I've come to realize that I never really had a good, consistent example of a parent. What kind of parent would I have made? My husband was gone a lot early on. He could be gone 6 months, come back for 10 days and then leave again for another 2 months. Many military wives have dealt with this and had children. Looking back (hindsight is always 20/20), I'm not sure I had what it took to be a good parent so it's best that I never did get pregnant. At least thinking about it that way helps take away some of the emptiness.
My faith is now in God, that He has some other purpose for me than being a parent to human children. I work with a pug rescue and maybe that's what I was meant to do. I believe He has not revealed his full purpose for me, but gives me a little more each time.
Anyway, sorry for rambling so much. If you've stuck with me this long, thanks. It's been a rough, emotional week. Hope yours is going better. :-)
((((((Hugs)))))) to everyone who needs one.
God bless.
We do owe our children a decent childhood (sm)
I know you say it didn't matter to you - apparently your mom did a good job raising you on her own. Maybe you weren't that close to your dad. But the best decision is always based on weighing out a combination of circumstances - it is not the same for every person. While yours worked out well for you and your mother and brother, it doesn't always go that way for everyone. If it was that easy, no one would complain, we would just make quick selfish decisions and not worry about anyone else. The fact that some of us are on here complaining is a reflection of us caring about other people, not just ourselves. It means we are thinking things through and taking time to decide, hearing viewpoints of those who have experienced it for themselves and those who have not. Sometimes you don't know which is worse, to stay or to go - you may be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire, so staying isn't necessarily accepting second best. It's a huge, big, important decision and one not to be taken lightly. Not everyone ends up as fortunate as you have and we all know it.
For sure. Can't wait to see my childhood kitty!
The Rainbow Bridge
There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth.
It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge, there is a land of meadows, hills, and valleys with lush green grass. When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are young again. Those who are maimed are made whole again. They play all day with each other. There is only one thing missing: They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth. So, each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly looks up! The nose twitches. The ears are up. The eyes are staring. And this one suddenly runs from the group. You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet, you take him or her into your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.
-Anonymous
Positive sayings from your childhood
What sayings do you remember your parents telling you?
Do unto others as you would have them do onto you.
What are your favorite childhood memories
Watching the kids in the neighborhood play takes me back to my childhood days. Lots of people say they would never go through childhood ever again but I would in a heartbeat. I'd like to hear what were the best things for you when you were growing up. Mine were
1. Playing all day and night on weekends and after school. My only concern was getting in the house before dark (or by supper time).
2. Grandma & Grandpa lived up the road so spent lots of time with them (they taught us how to do the polka to Lawrence Welk).
3. Didn't have to do any cooking. Everything was prepared for me. And, no laundry. Always had clean clothes hanging in the closet.
4. School. Learning, learning, learning and being with friends.
5. Being free enough to have imaginary friends and nobody would tell me I was losing my mind (or were they really imaginary????)
6. Girl Scouts (need I say any more).
7. The idea that I could be a ballerina, movie star, singer, or anything I wanted to be when I grew up and my parents entertained that as though it could become a real possibility for me.
8. Mom and dad tucking me into bed and kissing me good night.
9. Thanksgiving with the whole family over.
10. Best Christmas gifts were Lite Bright, Easy Bake Oven, Feely-meely, Incredible Edibles, Frisbee, Slinky, dolls, and anything that was not mechanical or electrical.
11. Ice skating, sledding parties, and slumbar parties.
12. Being innocent enough to not know about all the kooks and problems in the world while I had the protection of mom and dad always.
Well I could think of a ton of things, but those were the best times of my life. What are yours?
While I love all these old classics from my childhood...sm
As an adult, I love the Mannheim Steamroller Christmas albums. There's just something about them that makes my heart sing. I like the first one the best.
And my husband and I have a new favorite:
The Jethro Tull Christmas Album.
I would recommend it to everyone. We love all the songs on it, and you have to listen carefully to the words, as well as the melody. Well worth the time to enjoy new favorite.
http://www.j-tull.com/news/christmasalbum.cfm
http://www.progreviews.com/reviews/display.php?rev=jt-tjtca
please try not to make assumptions about my childhood...
it was not bad, by any means, but certainly not "storybook." I am sorry for not joining into the consensus that everyone else expects. I thought that perhaps she might like to hear something from both sides of the coin, but by all means, if all she wants to hear is that she should cut him off completely, I will stop posting and, in the future, please let me know which opinion is acceptable.
I had a good childhood...just pointing out
that those who are hardest on the younger generation are often those that produced it.
Seems like my childhood/teenage years went with them...
who didn't walk into a young man's bedroom and see Farrah's poster -- wish you could be her, and of course, Thriller playing in the background at my first booze party. Blackberry brandy slushes...we were SO COOL...
Goodness, sometimes this adult stuff seems so trivial.
What is your favorite childhood memory?...mine is catching..
lightening bugs in an old mayo jar at an aunt's cottage on the Beaver River in western PA while the adults played cards in the screened in porch late into the night. What I wouldn't give to go back in time just once more!
Joys of childhood (caution: Mushy mom note) (sm)
Sometimes I am reminded why I do this job and it makes me love it all over again! I have to work, we need the income, no doubt about it. But right now I am looking outside at my children playing in the sprinkler (we have a well, so no water restrictions) with the dogs running and kitten running from the water and my kids with not a care in the world for the moment. Remember that feeling?? Now, even when I do venture out and play with them in the back of my mind I still have thoughts of what I "should" be doing - working more, cleaning, paying bills. Right now they get to just be kids. I love it!
Should say the child found in Florida proved to be the Caylee child, homicide.
NM
Does your husband or significant other do this? Just now, at 7:30, my husband came home from sm
playing sports with a friend. After showering he comes downstairs naked and tries to start a conversation with me. My "office" is in the living room and he is standing in back of the couch so I can't see any private parts, just him without his shirt, but I can see enough to know he clearly is naked! I think he wants me to be amused or get turned on or something, but I'm not amused one bit. In fact, I keep working and basically ignore him.
Poor guy. I swear he thinks he's Vince Vaughn or something. I should at least smile at him but all I want to tell him is to put some clothes on! ugh!
Yes, with my second child.
He is now 13 and has never had any problems. Just pray, God will work it all out for you and I will keep you in my prayers also.
Tell me a little about your child, please
Thanks.
Thank God. Having your child taken would be the
.
As a child...
I never sucked my thumb and never had a pacifier. I had crowding of teeth as an adult because of wisdom teeth pushing on them. It really is the size/shape of your mouth/palate that determines crooked teeth, and that is determined by genetics.
More than one child
We were planning on only having one child, but 10 years later (she's almost 4 now) we did have a second one which I of course don't regret for a minute. The only thing I can say is don't listen to those that say you have to have a second child. That's all I heard for years. How can yo just have one, and on and on. It's nobody's business but you and your husband.
Yes, have gone since I was a child.
My kids also go, ages 20, 17 and 15. It fills my spiritual tank for the week and our pastor is so wonderful and uplifting and we have a fabulous congregation. I don't feel right if I miss a week.
No H is an only child LOL.
That is probably what the problem is too. No other children to dote on.
A dog is not a child and has different
needs from a child. But even a child is put in a bassinet to sleep in when they are small to control how much they roll around. Then later they are put in a crib. Is that a cage for you too? Or do you put the child on a full-size mattress and hope for the best? No, you carefully listen to all the rules about safe mattresses for infants and how soon pillows can be used and what position is safest for an infant.
For dogs, you need to get to know them before you give them free reign of the house. Otherwise they might get into something we didn't think of to put up and die. This dog is in the age range of 12-18 months. We can already tell he is inquisitive. We don't know how much time he has spent in a house because he was abandoned at the shelter. We will observe him and train him and grant him more freedoms as he proves himself ready.
Dogs in the wild use dens. You are misinformed, probably by PETA folks who would have you release your Yorkshire terrier to the wild to fend for itself if they had their druthers.
I was 29, he's my only child
before I had him I had two miscarriages in the same year (when I was 28). He is almost 13. I'm in downstate NY and at his school school (it's a Catholic school) many of his classmates' parents are at least as old as I am. Hope to get married soon but probably too late for another..
of course he is my child
I have his age wrong though. He is 31. How on earth can I or should I stop him from stating his own opinion? It is certainly not unusual for an 18-year-old male to use the word, even when talking about his evil GM. He was 18 when dear G'ma died. I'm telling you, the woman was evil, evil, evil!!!! Even my ex-DH (is there such a thing) didn't like her. The only reason my older son liked her was because he was the first grandchild and she worshipped him. When my SIL had 2 kids, they were okay for a while, then she didn't want to mess with them either. She liked dogs and cats more than people. And, by the way, I am really relating to all of you out there who go to your MIL's for all the holidays and not your mom's. I did that also, because I dearly loved my FIL and my SIL, BIL, etc. If I had it to do over again, I think I would have shared a little more. My mom is only 70, but no one is promised tomorrow. We do all holidays together now.
Right - I don't think they should take the child because (sm)
no matter what, children love their parents and would be traumatized to be taken away from them, so unless they are being terribly mistreated, I don't think they should ever be taken. Children who go thru life in foster homes are rarely ever happy. But Social Services could go in and help them get things cleaned up if that is why. It may not be, but in my case that was the problem. I eventually at about age 11 or 12 went out and bought bug spray and sprayed my hair and brushes and sprayed my PILLOW regularly to keep the bugs away. I am sure that was horrible for my health but I was desperate.
Because he's still YOUR CHILD, and he still needs to know he is welcome. nm
x
child with SVT. sm
Hi. My 16-year-old son is suspicious for SVT. Anyone else experience this? I had made an appointment for March, and now the doc is calling me and wants to see my son next week. He has already had an echo and an event monitor. Don't know if I should be freaked out or not.
Yes, first child....nm
xx
Would you have said anything about this child?
I was at a very big market (international) this morning and as I exited the lunch room to retrieve my cart, saw a very young child alone in a cart with no one around. I stood there not moving for several minutes wondering where a parent might be. I could not even see a person in front or back of him that seemed to be paying attention to this child (probably around 3 or 4 years of age). The serving line in front does have glass so I could see the people buying their lunches. Finally I noticed a man that was looking around frequently at the child and finally he got through the line and came and picked the child up. I approached him to say how it is so easy for a person to snatch his child (John Walsh's on AMW had his young child snatched and killed in similar, only taking a second) and this man looked annoyed and said thank you for your thoughts and hurried away. Clearly child endangerment here but would you have said anything or just let it go?
How do you know it was actually his child?
That's what's scary.
I have a child like this...
(This turned out long. Please stick with me.)
Like your son, it started in infancy. He could throw a fit that could go on for 30 minutes. If it was related to going to sleep, he would cry for hours no matter what I tried. (Yes, i did have him ruled out for medical causes.) He just could not calm himself down and he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it. It started to feel like a war zone and the other kids were not getting the attention they needed because I felt like I had to deal with his bad behavior all the time.
When he was very young (infancy to about 3 years old), I would let him throw his fits and try to ignore them. After about 30 minutes, I picked him up and rocked him and he always seemed to be relieved and would start to calm down. I did not give into his demands. It just was a way for him to know that I loved him even when he acted bad.
But you know what... A few months ago (he is 5 now), he was acting up yet again and I tried to talk to him. I told him that I knew he was a good boy and that he was just having a hard time with his anger. He was totally blown away that I thought he was a "good boy." In his head, he thought he was bad. This was an eye opener for me.
Because I had my own issues with frustration, I decided to work on me first. I was sick of the war zone. That is still a work in progress, but I feel a lot more calm when dealing with him now.
I explain things to him up front. If we are going to a store, I tell him that I expect him to stand still by me. If he wants to look at something, he can ask me, etc. Then I ask him what he thinks the consequence will be if he does not mind. Sometimes he answers, sometimes not. Then, I tell him exactly what will happen. No favorite TV channel or no playing with a favorite toy, something like that. Just so he knew exactly what would happen if he makes certain CHOICES. I also don't argue. It only gets me wound up. I put the onus back on him. Counting 1...2...3 gives him a warning to change his behavior or deal with consequences.
I also communicate a lot about other's people reactions to when he "acts good" and "acts bad." How the things that happen to him are often influenced by his CHOICES. "Other children may not want to play with someone who ...only wants their way ... does not share ... hits." "If you share your toy, your friend probably want to share his toys with you."
I praise him when I notice he has done something "good", like brushing his teeth without being reminded. I tell how much I appreciate it (Because I do. When you have 3 kids, its a really help when they can do something for themselves.) Someone knowledgeable told me the ratio of praise to discipline is 4:1. I doubt that I hit that ratio, but I do look for things my kids do right.
None of this is easy for me. I feel like I am talking myself blue in the face. I am naturally quiet and not always willing to communicate verbally. I'm praying the more I communicate now, then eventually I won't have to talk so much later. Or at least, we can talk about more pleasant things.
I will say though that my son is starting to understand that he will not always get his way, and if he cooperates with me, I am willing to cooperate with him. There has been good improvement since I started with this in April.
from a child
My son used to say mazagine and hangaburger instead of magazine and hamburger when he was about 3. I loved that. Not common to most people but it was common to him. :)
If this was MY child??? sm
I would be working my way up the food chain at that school. Who in the he!! at that school thinks they know what my child needs or doesn't need? The last I knew, raising children is up to the parents; not the school, not the state, and CERTAINLY NOT A LESBIAN TEACHER!! I was so upset when I just READ the story that it was all I could do to stop myself from sitting down and writing a letter to the school and giving them a piece of my mind.
To any and all parents in that school district...the threat of recall is an extremely potent weapon. Use it!!
I only have one child, a son..sm
so that helps. I usually spend about $300 on my son, but this year I have spent $400 already on a playstation 3 he has wanted ever since they came out last year. I can't just give him that so I have to buy him some other little things to open. My mom and mother-in-law and sister-in-law are going to buy playstation 3 games because after spending $400 on it I can't buy the games too, which are about $60 each. So I still have to buy some small things for him so I will probably spend about $500 on my son this year. The most I have ever spent on him and he is 10. Like I said it is usually no more than $300. I try to spend no more than $100 on my husband, but this year I know he has said how he would love to have an ipod. So I am going to buy one for about $150. I have my dad to buy for and mom. I know I will probably spend about $50 on my mom. My dad I am not sure yet. In-laws are usually about $20-25 each. My sister about $25. My brother in law about $20. My 2 nephews about $20 each. I also have a niece I will spend about $20-30 on. I try to spend a little more on my niece because my sister in law spends a lot on my son. So you see I have a lot of people to buy for. I don't even know how much that is all together but it ain't cheap. And the people I buy for I have to cause they do for us.
Your child isn't doing bad if he AM
is receiving dental care and has a Wii already. Why are you hell-bent on making money off a fluke? You certainly aren't setting an example your child should follow by selling it and I hope they DON'T give a gift receipt. 
How old is your child?
x
We did that as a child sm
I hate to "date" myself but we were a struggling large family and my Dad went across the street and asked a guy if he could rent his empty lot to grow some vegetables, etc. Not only was it fun but we had tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers, etc., and it was great. The only negative thing I remember about it was the tomato cut worms, ugly little suckers! I think it's a fun thing to do and a good lesson for the family (and healthy). Be sure the soil is "good" though. You can have it tested for pH at any college lab (I think). Throw in some flowers, that would be cool. I am going to do some big sunflowers this year, I used to hate them but I think we need them and you can bake, salt and eat the seeds. Have fun!!!
Oh it seems the child did not have it when ...sm
they entered the US or at least showed no symptoms. So my mistake. They had no way of knowing the child had it. Poor kid.
I know this and I am sorry your child - sm
and your family had such a horrible experience. In any way, shape or form it is a horrible thing for any family to go through especially when your child suffers and does not make it through. I know not all kids or adults have an easy time, I am not a total dolt though I am sure you think I am, fine. Some get lucky and it does not affect them as much as others for some strange reason. Jen was on dantinomycin and vincristine, the vincristine was quite nasty and that is what gave her the nausea and make her puke the few times she did. She ate a lot of Zofran though and with that she had a pretty good tolerance to it for some reason, she felt the worst though when the dactinomycin was added in, 7 times. I too find the ped onc very depressing and switched jobs so I did not have to type kids anymore, too upsetting, now I only do adults which I can handle pretty well except for the ones who procratinate to sure fire death sentence. Rant all you want, I have no problem with it. I know this is about this woman's choice, again I think she/boy are wrong, some feel she is right, fine. Agree to disagree.
What do you do when your child gets in trouble?
Spank/Swat
Time Out
Natural Consequences (ie, if they won't stop throwing food, then lunch is over, or if they run away while you're out, it's time to go home)
Re-direction (ie, trying to get your child to focus on something else)
Other (possibly a combination of methods or something else entirely)
Depends on the age of the child
:)
You Will Never Guess What A Child Said
I stopped to get gas this afternoon. As I was about to walk out a man & his son walked over to me to say hello. The boy was a child I worked with a few years ago when he was in kindergarten. He is now in 3rd grade. He was always a very rough talking child, just like his parents. Always talking about kicking someones ar*e, & getting drunk, poppin a cap, stuff like that. He would push the other kids out of his way, grab things away from them, couldn't stay in his seat, very hyper as well. The parents put him on meds & that really calmed him down so he could focus on his work.
The Dad said hello, then the little boy looked at me & said "I got a hot dog & its in my underwear, you wanna see it"? I'm standing there stunned & the Dad laughs hysterically & then says " He's just like me ain't he"? The clerk was frozen in disbelief & so were several customers that were standing in line. I turned & walked out the door & as I was leaving I heard the Dad say to the boy, "you're somethin else Billy, thats a good one, I'm proud of you son".
What a foul mouth bunch of hillbillys they are. If one of my kids had said anything remotely like that their little mouths would be washed out with soap, they would have been made to apologize, & they would never do it again. I cannot believe that a Father would be proud of his son for talking dirty like that to an adult, especially a woman. Where in the world do these people come from?
would depend on what CD it is. and is your child 12 or 17?
i just bought my 13 yr old son a ps2 game that had some kind of warning on it, but he has already been playing it at his friends, just found that out...so i thought..whats the big deal..
In ballet and tap as a child
I went forever and loved it, like the post saying the pretty costumes, still have pictures of me then. Oh, was I a hotsi-totsi! I think I may have been a little older but still magical. Sorta like being a little princess.
If I had a child in the military now,
sorry but probably would do as a lot of families did for Vietnam war and that was to head for the border, namely Canada. I thought if gay in the military, supposed to try and keep it quiet?? These to me are ever bit as bad as protesting at funeral of AIDS patients. You have some really sick people in this world to do things like this and please, like you, I don't want to get started on the other folks president in Washington.
I took my child's away at 3 months.
A friend of mine has a 3-year-old who still *needs* it. She HAS to give it up because she walks around with it in and you can't understand her when she talks. I think it is up to the mom to take it away.
Child abuse
That's your opinion - and pedofilia - obviously you did not BF or have a good bond with your children. Do you also consider it child abuse that I did not use disposable diapers? What about the fact that I worked as a wet nurse? Some things are just natural - You should read the book, The Family Bed - BF may be looked upon differently in the US - but that is only cultural - and I do not bend to cultural issues - I did as I pleased - and no one else cared or ever even discouraged me from BF my son as long as I did. Unless you've been there - you do not understand - sorry for you.
I consciously only had one child....
She is a quality child at age 26 now....*S*......
So sorry I was taught as a child if given something
I should say thank you and accept, but then my mother taught me manners. If you do not like a gift you receive you can a) return or b) pass it on to someone who will. I give what I want to and if you don’t like, then do 1 of the above. Mind your manners. When I give something, I do not ask a person what they want and my gift comes because I want to give, not have to.
Me neither as my child growing up
things can really change in life.
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