We do owe our children a decent childhood (sm)
Posted By: Butter and Clutter...still thinking on 2007-08-05
In Reply to: So, accept second best in life - What a wonderful life!
I know you say it didn't matter to you - apparently your mom did a good job raising you on her own. Maybe you weren't that close to your dad. But the best decision is always based on weighing out a combination of circumstances - it is not the same for every person. While yours worked out well for you and your mother and brother, it doesn't always go that way for everyone. If it was that easy, no one would complain, we would just make quick selfish decisions and not worry about anyone else. The fact that some of us are on here complaining is a reflection of us caring about other people, not just ourselves. It means we are thinking things through and taking time to decide, hearing viewpoints of those who have experienced it for themselves and those who have not. Sometimes you don't know which is worse, to stay or to go - you may be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire, so staying isn't necessarily accepting second best. It's a huge, big, important decision and one not to be taken lightly. Not everyone ends up as fortunate as you have and we all know it.
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Deserving of decent jobs at decent wages, even
when their industry has been taken over by greedy corporations and MTSOs sending the work overseas to line their pockets at the expense of their employees and patient safety. That's some bad karma, baby...
It's getting decent here.
Finally days are only getting into the upper 70s and lower 80s, so that's a huge relief.
Last I heard we might get some rain today. That's what we really need.
I love fall.
Go for it. Most states cannot even get decent
immigration reform laws passed because of the business lobby. How about we take all the out of work American and have the states and feds hire them as immigration officers? Then they could have decent benefits and there might be enough manpower to hunt down all the hundreds of thousands illegal immigrants and immigrants who do not speak English (what is that threshold going to be because I know some teenagers who are deficient in this area) and then we can process them all (more jobs for OOW Americans) back to their countries of origin. Of course, we would have to raise everyone's taxes to pay for all the salaries and benefits of all the new government employees, the holding facilities, the transportation and court costs. And of course, prices would go up across the board for goods and services that previously used cheap labor, and all those signs in Spanish and Vietnamese and Portuguese and whatever else can be repainted or reprinted in good ole American English, which our kids won't even be able to read because of the rotten public school systems where we had to pull even more money out of to pay for all the additional immigration reform costs. Then we can write all new, mega-restrictive immigration laws and create new testing centers and monitoring laws and now all the immigrant rounder-uppers can become babysitters, or maybe we could just section off part of the country, say....North Dakota...as a holding area for potential immigrants to stay for an allotted period of time until they are able to pass all the benchmarks for citizenship within the designated time frame. We can implant RFID chips in each one so we can easily track them down if they escape. If they cannot meet the requirements and don't freeze to death or get trampled by a buffalo herd, then they are sent back to their home country to try again in 10 years or never. We can then tear down the Statue of Liberty and return it to France.
I thought Sanjaya did a decent job for once
He really surprised me with tonight's song. I didn't know he had it in him. Lakisha has been disappointing me lately. I love Blake, I think he was awesome tonight and so was Melinda. The others were just bland IMO.
Any decent camera shop
that has any kind of processing service should be able to handle the conversion. You might want to call around and get prices. They probably will charge per slide. Nowadays, they'll probably also put digital versions of the pictures onto a CD for you. They can even create a DVD slideshow with background music. My mother had a bunch of old family slides converted some years ago, onto a VHS tape.
Of course, if you want to do it the REALLY old-fashioned way, and you don't care too much how good the prints are... I once set up the projector and screen, and actually photographed the screen, and thus got prints. At the time, I was on such a tight budget, and the cost of making a print from a slide was something ridiculous, and I only wanted the photos for a reference point, so I could see them without having to set up the equipment every time I needed to refer to one.... I'm sure there are much better options out there nowadays. In fact, I should look into it myself....
Mean moms/childhood
I often questioned God why after 14 years of trying to get pregnant, I never did, then my uterus prolapsed and I had to have a hysterectomy.
I look at my childhood and it had a lot of faults. My mom was so devastated by her own bad childhood, that she really didn't know how to be a parent. My dad, who knew how to be a good parent, was often too busy having to take care of her after psychiatrists had her so drugged she often didn't get out of bed for days.
My mom is about to turn 65 and over the last 8 months or so, both my sister and I have gotten hate E-mail from her for no apparent reason other than she needs to pick a fight, so she starts pointing out our character defects. I originally refuted the points and it just escalated. I didn't even respond to her last hate E-mail. I'm wondering if something is going wrong with her brain (other than the mental illness she already has) from years of drinking or all of the prescription meds she's been hooked on (pain meds, amphetamines, sleeping pills, benzos.
Anyway, don't get me wrong, we did some crazy stuff when I was a kid. She even took my sister and me to a motel with a pool and we checked in overnight. I knew she didn't tell my dad where she was going and when she told us it was bedtime, I tried in vain to stay awake so she'd fall asleep and I could call my dad and let him know where we were. I was probably around 8 or 9 at the time. I felt guilt over that for years because I did fall asleep and never called him (and I wonder why I have insomnia now). He was crying when she brought us home late the next day.
Mom wasn't all bad times. When she was spiritually fit, we had a lot of fun. And I can recognize, as an adult, that she has a personality disorder and I just don't feed it. I love her and always will. I just have to hope I catch her on better days.
I guess what I'm saying is I hope that kid doesn't grow up with memories like mine. I hope the mother was just having a really bad day with a kid who had been acting up all day. And I hope she told him she was sorry and hugged him.
Anyway, I've come to realize that I never really had a good, consistent example of a parent. What kind of parent would I have made? My husband was gone a lot early on. He could be gone 6 months, come back for 10 days and then leave again for another 2 months. Many military wives have dealt with this and had children. Looking back (hindsight is always 20/20), I'm not sure I had what it took to be a good parent so it's best that I never did get pregnant. At least thinking about it that way helps take away some of the emptiness.
My faith is now in God, that He has some other purpose for me than being a parent to human children. I work with a pug rescue and maybe that's what I was meant to do. I believe He has not revealed his full purpose for me, but gives me a little more each time.
Anyway, sorry for rambling so much. If you've stuck with me this long, thanks. It's been a rough, emotional week. Hope yours is going better. :-)
((((((Hugs)))))) to everyone who needs one.
God bless.
Pack them a decent lunch. That is garbage.
x
kids like your daughter are real and decent; I know many just like her.
nm
Have patience. Your time will come to find someone decent.
Just concentrate on your family for now. It's a mad house out there. I can't understand the thinking of people nowadays. Some prince will come along sooner or later (probably later). Don't be in a rush. He will come unexpectedly and you will know it when it happens.
It took me a year of dating jerks and then I stopped dating for 2-1/2 years. I found my prince (my ex-fiance), and we've been back together for over 33 years. Boy, was I young and dumb to give him up! Anyway, I will never hit the dating scene again if anything happens to him. I enjoy peace and quiet. Don't need anyone in my space anymore.
For sure. Can't wait to see my childhood kitty!
The Rainbow Bridge
There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth.
It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge, there is a land of meadows, hills, and valleys with lush green grass. When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are young again. Those who are maimed are made whole again. They play all day with each other. There is only one thing missing: They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth. So, each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly looks up! The nose twitches. The ears are up. The eyes are staring. And this one suddenly runs from the group. You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet, you take him or her into your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.
-Anonymous
My husband had a childhood no child should ever have to
endure. Both of his parents were alcoholics. He was passed from relative to relative, whoever happened to take pity on him at any given time and provide him with a place to live. When he did live with his parents, he was physically and verbally abused. Believe me, his past is very painful and I'm quite sure it's not a place he likes to revisit. He didn't finish high school. He dropped out of trade school. However, he shared all of that with me because not only am I his wife, I'm his friend. I, on the other hand, was raised in a very loving, very happy, Christian home. My father was a minister and for most of my growing up years my mother was a stay-at-home mom. I can't even begin to imagine a childhood like he had. There a lot of people who don't know all about his past, but I'm glad he trusted in me enough to want to share it with me. Once again, I'm glad my husband loved me and trusted me enough to share details (no matter how ashamed he was of them) of his childhood with me. JMO 
Positive sayings from your childhood
What sayings do you remember your parents telling you?
Do unto others as you would have them do onto you.
What are your favorite childhood memories
Watching the kids in the neighborhood play takes me back to my childhood days. Lots of people say they would never go through childhood ever again but I would in a heartbeat. I'd like to hear what were the best things for you when you were growing up. Mine were
1. Playing all day and night on weekends and after school. My only concern was getting in the house before dark (or by supper time).
2. Grandma & Grandpa lived up the road so spent lots of time with them (they taught us how to do the polka to Lawrence Welk).
3. Didn't have to do any cooking. Everything was prepared for me. And, no laundry. Always had clean clothes hanging in the closet.
4. School. Learning, learning, learning and being with friends.
5. Being free enough to have imaginary friends and nobody would tell me I was losing my mind (or were they really imaginary????)
6. Girl Scouts (need I say any more).
7. The idea that I could be a ballerina, movie star, singer, or anything I wanted to be when I grew up and my parents entertained that as though it could become a real possibility for me.
8. Mom and dad tucking me into bed and kissing me good night.
9. Thanksgiving with the whole family over.
10. Best Christmas gifts were Lite Bright, Easy Bake Oven, Feely-meely, Incredible Edibles, Frisbee, Slinky, dolls, and anything that was not mechanical or electrical.
11. Ice skating, sledding parties, and slumbar parties.
12. Being innocent enough to not know about all the kooks and problems in the world while I had the protection of mom and dad always.
Well I could think of a ton of things, but those were the best times of my life. What are yours?
While I love all these old classics from my childhood...sm
As an adult, I love the Mannheim Steamroller Christmas albums. There's just something about them that makes my heart sing. I like the first one the best.
And my husband and I have a new favorite:
The Jethro Tull Christmas Album.
I would recommend it to everyone. We love all the songs on it, and you have to listen carefully to the words, as well as the melody. Well worth the time to enjoy new favorite.
http://www.j-tull.com/news/christmasalbum.cfm
http://www.progreviews.com/reviews/display.php?rev=jt-tjtca
please try not to make assumptions about my childhood...
it was not bad, by any means, but certainly not "storybook." I am sorry for not joining into the consensus that everyone else expects. I thought that perhaps she might like to hear something from both sides of the coin, but by all means, if all she wants to hear is that she should cut him off completely, I will stop posting and, in the future, please let me know which opinion is acceptable.
I had a good childhood...just pointing out
that those who are hardest on the younger generation are often those that produced it.
Seems like my childhood/teenage years went with them...
who didn't walk into a young man's bedroom and see Farrah's poster -- wish you could be her, and of course, Thriller playing in the background at my first booze party. Blackberry brandy slushes...we were SO COOL...
Goodness, sometimes this adult stuff seems so trivial.
Does anyone have Verizon and also their cell phones. Can you tell me if they offer a decent deal if
you have both from them compared to other cell phones. No sure which one to get.
What is your favorite childhood memory?...mine is catching..
lightening bugs in an old mayo jar at an aunt's cottage on the Beaver River in western PA while the adults played cards in the screened in porch late into the night. What I wouldn't give to go back in time just once more!
Joys of childhood (caution: Mushy mom note) (sm)
Sometimes I am reminded why I do this job and it makes me love it all over again! I have to work, we need the income, no doubt about it. But right now I am looking outside at my children playing in the sprinkler (we have a well, so no water restrictions) with the dogs running and kitten running from the water and my kids with not a care in the world for the moment. Remember that feeling?? Now, even when I do venture out and play with them in the back of my mind I still have thoughts of what I "should" be doing - working more, cleaning, paying bills. Right now they get to just be kids. I love it!
Children having children not a new thing, where do you live?
My son, who is now in his early 40s, told me years ago when in high school about all the teenage mothers that were at his school and said they brought the babies to school, and he seemed to think it was like the girls having playdolls like when you were little. This is not new and apparently folks think alright to have their children sans marriage, be it preteens, teens or adults. I guess my years alone do not make me shocked at anything anymore. Others talk about this job being isolated and your post says some of this if you were shocked at what the son said.
I should mention that I am 42, have 2 children and done with having children. nm
nm
You must a) not have children or b) your children are young
I don’t see them as being spoiled- I see lots of kids in the age group of one (30+) who are totally in the me scene, not just the 1 I have- she married and her husband same - a me type person. The other not spoiled but just got nasty when he did not get the money left to me and he thought he should. Just to think, this was my chosen 1 if I had to choose. Oh well, live and let live is the way I see things now.
she said *he definitely does not want more children*
but she said that HE definitely does not want anymore children...that's what the OP said so I responded based on that *fact*.... 
I am so sorry!! I have 4 children myself
30, 28, 24 and 17 - and can honestly say that we have gone through periods like this before - it is usally something really silly that gets all blown up - a misunderstanding, etc. Enjoy your birthday to its fullest - send a gift/card to your granddaughter as you normally would and go about your business with no bitterness - it will all work out - they will be back to you soon - really! :)
Yes, and then only if there are no children.
Sorry, but tobacco is a dastardly substance that people need protection from IMO.
Does she have children. If so, what are
xx
I have 2 children of my own,
starting with K. This is my sil who is having the baby and she has 3 children already and has run out of K names. So, I thought I would give her a hand. Thanks for your suggestions!! I am passing them on.
All children are different
it seems to me you keep comparing your 19-year-old to your 21-year-old. Since they are two separate people, they should be treated as such. Times are a changing. I'm sure it does worry you, but if she's off to college, she is probably staying out late there too.
both my children do just that and they are
both well-rounded, well-behaved, straight A students. Children have to live in this world and we as parents have to love and teach them. I know I am not the exception.
Whether having children or not is, without SM
question,your own choice, but you come across as very cynical. Perhaps you are watching too much TV or listening to talk radio. Things are not that bad. Oh sure, there is too much media attention given to Britney Spears, but most young girls, with the proper guidance, don't want to be her. There is a challange to motherhood, but most of us meet it very well.
Children & TV
How many hours a day/week do you let your children watch TV? Do they have TV's in their room? If so how do you monitor (or do you monitor) what they watch?
Have you ever banned certain shows from your house? What do you think about all those "sassy" shows on Nickelodean and Cartoon Network, like "Zach and Cody," or "Drake and Josh" or "Hannah Montana?"
I'm thinking of changing the TV rules and want to know what you all do with your kids.
Is this only to children that you know and
the parents know who the treat is from. We used to give out special home-made treats but always with a note saying who it was from. Now our neighborhood has grown so much we have a lot of children that don't live in the area. I don't want to give out something to someone and then their parents not let them eat it.
23 and 25 and like your children
my of my kids friends have older parents. All the kids like to hang out at our house because we "seem so much cooler" than their parents. Believe me, nothing goes on in this house that shouldn't. We just always have lots of junk food in the freezer, don't mind the music up loud, and love to just sit and chat with the kids. Last night one of my son's friends was picking him up to go to youth and she was early so we talked while he got ready. When it was time to go she said she didn't want to leave. It was really sweet.
Do you have children? LOL! sm
Meant that becasue I have a friend that says she has "brain damage cuz she has kids". I have a book that is titled "If questions for the soul". Not all questions are religious but most are. I had another one that was the same but not religious ? and loaned it to a friend. We often have these books in the car on family road trips. Really gets the family talking.
My children, now 26 and 25, are right there with yours. My
son works in retail (grocery store) and buys his jeans to wear to work at the thrift store. None of us mind wearing thrift store clothes. We tend to shop clearance racks and sales. They are not particular about the brand of clothing they wear (I never was either) so long as they fit and are comfortable. I'm really glad mine don't feel the need to compete with everybody else and spend everything they make trying to keep up with others.
Since I do not know you or your children, sm
I can not tell you the effects it will have on them--but, do not think for a minute they do not know about and cannot feel the stress and fear you are dealing with.
For me, it was best for me and my children to have a peaceful, happy home than to live one more day like we had been. This is a personal choice and for us, I made the right one. Good luck to you.
you know your children and how
they are prone to react (ie, 'you turned out okay'). I never lied to my kids, but only shared my experiences when I thought it would add to their education about a subject, and of course was age appropriate. For example, about drugs, they know what i think about pot/weed, but they don't know anything else i may have tried. Sometimes personal experience gives validity to the discussion, but i sure wouldn't make it a confessional.
You ask if she has children, will tell you what she has
She has a man who is likely bisexual but then sounds like a closeted gay to me, marrying for his own reasons, a person who is refusing her sexually, probably getting his kicks elsewhere (as in the gay sex line and possibly meeting other guys and having affairs on her.) I would not care if I had 20 kids, there is not that much "love" in the world for me to stay and hope to have a relationship? Not this woman. I do not want to risk my life. I heard the saying for years- where there's smoke, there's fire- so much smoke around this guy he could set his own bonfire.
I don't have children - but
Let me start by saying I do not have children (but do have neices and nephews). Second...my language itself is well lets just say I shocked my mom quite a few times. Bad language just happens to be part of our everyday conversation (IN THE HOUSE)- mostly as we scream at the TV watching the news about politics. :-) We don't talk like that outside and certainly not around children. I think its disgusting. Our neighbors across the street talk to their children exactly like what you wrote above. Except their words were "get your f'n a** in the house" and "you give me that sh*t again and I'll beat your a**" So they aren't swearing as if they were talking about other people, they are swearing at their kids. They are just a couple of pigs! Just sounds very very low class. My husband and I said if you talk to your children like that how are they going to be respectful as they grow (mind you we have no experience whatsoever raising kids, but we would never talk like that to our kids if we had any).
Yes I have children
Apparently you did not read my whole post.
Even little children need to feel they have some control over their lives ... like letting them pick between two different outfits for school, rather than telling them what they are wearing.
A safe and fair compromise is not a bad thing. The daughter will have to choose if she wants to cooperate or not. If she will not, there there is only so much you can do and she will have to experience the consequences.
Just because she has started handling her desire for independence in a not-so-great way does not mean she cannot do things differently after receiving more information and some thought. You have to allow teens the room to make smarter decisions along the way ... people DO learn and grow. That's the plan anyway. :)
I think I have to ban my mom from seeing my children (sm)
She lives 500 miles from us and sees them about twice a year usually, but every single time, she says inappropriate things around them. I end up asking her to please not tell them things like that and she gets angry at me and barely says anything for the rest of her visit. Yet the next time she sees them, it is the same thing all over again. It is as if she doesn't have a filter that tells her what to say and what not to say, and she talks incessantly. She talks about people who made her mad 30 years ago and what they did and she says it in a mean, angry voice and goes on and on. She talks about sexual things in front of them. She talks about ghosts and demons and how she has seen them and how the world is about to end, and on and on. Scaring them and also telling them things they shouldn't know. She started talking yesterday about my teenage nephew being propositioned by one of his friends who had decided he was gay....saying the boy asked him to "take his clothes off and do something". My 8 year old daughter started crying and told my mom it made her "feel weird" to hear that kind of stuff and to please not tell her anything else like that. My daughter knows what gay is but she doesn't understand why someone would want someone else to take their clothes off and she doesn't need to right now! Anyway, my mom went home last night but the kids are still asking once again about demons and ghosts and everything else. I love my mother but I am thinking from now on, I will go visit her by myself and not have her come here at all, and not let her see my kids until they are much older. Is this bad?
Boy men are such children - sm
my DH is a j*e*r*k like that too sometimes. He refuses to stay at my dad's house because he re-married so quickly after my mom died. (he wants to stay in hotel--which is very expensive where they live--....though we have not done it yet because as yet he has refused to go, so I go w/o him and the kids and I have lots of fun--he did go once 2 years ago though he made us stay at a friends apartment, very silly). There is more to it than that but that is a big part of it, and he thinks my stepmom's family thinks he is a loser. He is hung up on what people think about him and imagines slights, looks, etc. all the time, very hard to live with. But he know I will leave him in the dust and do what I want as he is acting like a 2-year-old. I would just go and not worry about him acting like a baby. If you stay home with him you will be mad, resent him for making you miss out spending time with your mom (which you will regret if something happened to her any time soon), and probably have a boring day at home while he watched football all day and you cook or twiddle your thumbs. He will probably never be the bigger person and bite his tongue and go, though he should. Men really are babies though at times.
Yea me and him have no children but
he does have a child of his own from a previous relationship. But his son does not like me and has nothing to do with me so I don't consider him of my child. He doesn't speak to me. I won't even get started on those issues.
I have 2 children. The first, a boy,
natural birth, lasted 12 hours, was very painful for me, at the end I was so weak - when I started out with my pregnancy I was underweight - that they had to inject me something that made my final contractions stronger.
The second, a girl, epidural. By far easier, but took also 12 hours. Most important is to get a gynecologist who has lots of experience with epidural deliveries. After the delivery I had in some trouble, I really felt bad until my system got rid of the anesthetic.
If I had to do it a 3rd time, I would definitely choose the epidural.
She would not get the children, not next of kin
even if put in will. I saw a picture of her and she looks strange herself, doesn’t she?
Happy Children
You don't know me or my children so you can't have any idea if they are happy or not.
And they are, very happy. They don't complain, they do what is needed and they have their activities, work, school, etc. They have great social lives and live life very fully, but with the expectation that things are done a certain way and if they aren't,there are reperucussions.
See my post above in a new thread, if you expect little, you get litte. It's that simple.
How is them staying together better for the children?
It would have been best for the children if these too goofs had used effective birth control and not brought innocent people into the mix, but since they did the best thing for those kids is to get K-Fed out of their lives as much as possible and hopefully Britney has the sense to hire a good nanny because she's no prize either.
I say mandatory sterilization is a great idea for these two clueless, selfish, immature, irresponsible people who had no business reproducing.
I don't have "kids" I have children
My children are goats, please don't call them "kids". Also, I never "whipped out a tit" as was posted earlier, I breast fed. My children weaned around 3 years old. The child on the plane was 22 months - just a bit shy of 3. Again, if you keep your face out of my breasts, you won't be able to see them.
meant to say other children not other other. nm
x
What about her 2 small children?
That is what really bugs me about her and her behavior. What kind of role model is this for her children?? Just irks me to death what she has been doing. I do not care that she has a nanny or someone watching those kids. Why did she have them????? if all she wanted to do was party and act like a spoiled brat?
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