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Need advice on teenager vehicles......sm

Posted By: LMT on 2008-02-19
In Reply to:

Okay, it is time to get my 16-yo her own vehicle.  I intend to get her an older vehicle (less than 10 yrs old), pay cash for it as I don't want payments for she or myself.  How does everyone handle with kids what percentage you make them pay for etc?  I want her to learn responsibility and appreciate the vehicle, just by my preference would prefer to pay in cash (less than $5000, hopefully).  Do I make her responsible to pay her own insurance or half of it?  By her own gas?  or should I make her buy the car from me?   Not sure what everyone else does so I would like some ideas as I said, I don't want to just give her everything in life.  I want to make her earn it, take care of it, appreciate it, and be responsible, but don't want to go overboard either.  She is in 10th grade, A/B student (Currently 11th place in class and working towards bumping up to be in top ten by the time she graduates).  She is very well behaved, never a troubled child.  She does have a lot of activities that would prevent her from making much of any income with an after school job.  She is varsity cheerleader (off season just now, but will practice all summer), plays tennis, basketball/baseball manager, takes tumbling classes 1 night a week.  So she is very busy in a good way.  She would also be driving siblings to school for me and running errands occasionally.  Anyone care to share what you do/have done or have any ideas/suggestions?


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Bulemic teenager - advice needed...sm

I've suspected for a while that my soon to be 16 stepdaugher is bulemic but her dad doesn't believe it.  Right after she eats a meal she goes to the bathroom and stays a long time.  She has lost about 40 lbs over the past year.  Today while doing laundry I found a note that she wrote and says:


Eat & Die.  No eat for a week (in & out)  Lose 10 lbs.  Eat again.


I am going to share this with my hubby when he calls while on a lunch break from work.  Perhaps now he'll believe me.   I've called the pediatrician's office and left a message for them to call me with the name of a psychologist treating eating disorders to take her to. 


Any ideas of how to handle him if he still is in denial?  I'm sure the stepdaughter will deny the eating disorder... she did before when I asked her about it.  Overall she & I do have a good relationship but this is an area I know she's not being honest about. 


 


 


Question about vehicles
I hoping someone might be able to help me.  My car died this weekend and it costs more to fix it than what it is worth.  Long story short, engine is shot to he!! but the car itself is in great shape, 2003.  Is there any way to get any money out of it, even just $1,000??  Unfortunately, I cannot use it as a trade since it won't even run to get it to the dealership!!  I have never had this happen before so I don't know if there is some way to salvage something from this.  Any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated.    
as a teenager those were the best sm
I just remembered that it really sucked waiting for the dough "to rise". Never really saw any difference but my BFF and I loved them. We also loves Pizza rolls, couldn't get enough of them.
Need advice on a good, adjustable chair for typing. Any advice? nm
nm
this isn't about you, and your're not a teenager
nm
we used to do something similar when I was a teenager sm
(back when the earth was still cooling,LOL). We took a block of cream cheese and poured Tiger Sauce over it. Sure was good!! Don't know if Tiger Sauce is even still available but it would probably be along where the hot sauce is in the grocery store.
Yes. Make your teenager responsible for as much as she can pay for.
and maybe a little more. Don't make it easy. Make sure that she has to work a little (not so much that grades suffers), has to budget, and plan and take the responsibility of driving seriously. This is more than likely the most dangerous thing your child has done so far her life. Make sure she understands that. It's not a social thing, a drive-around-with-your-friends thing. Preparing a young person for driving responsibilities is life and death.
Unfortunately, in the last three yeas, I've been to three funerals for teenage drivers -- all of whom were out of control in every aspect of their lives. Our state does not allow children to become licensed drivers until age 16-1/2. Our house rule was age 17. We did pay for the driver's ed, because it was pricey, our sons truly could not afford it, and we wanted our boys to have ever chance to learn to drive safely. Even though we taught them ourselves, as well, sometimes kids hear better what total strangers say to them! Also, I had a rule during permit driving sessions with my boys. They were never allowed to argue with me while we drove together. I was the teacher. I knew more than them. No arguing over anything, or else I terminated the lesson, car was pulled over, I drove home and that was the end until I felt we were ready for another driving lesson. That rule drove home how serious a responsibility driving is. I only had to do it once to one of my sons.
My oldest was lucky enough to inherit is grandfather's pristine 1991 Toyota (38,000 original miles) when pop-pop no longer could drive. It's a decent, dependable car. My son pays for repairs and gas. We pay for the insurance at this point, simply because we live in a big eastern city, and insurance is sky high. But, our son is also paying his own college tuition, so I have no problem helping him out with the insurance on his car.
This is a big deal. Make sure your daughter grasps the gravity of the responsibility. Don't argue with her about anything. These decisions have to be made by the parents, because it's a health and safety issue for your daughter and everyone else on the road with her.
comparing yourself to a teenager makes you look...
and you don't know how to put "no message" on outside of your post, so we don't have to waste time clicking to open your message just to see there is no message!
I think she said in her post that it was a teenager in her neighborhood.
My daughter would do it for that amount just for spending money. I wish I could have someone come in just once a month to do major cleaning. My daughter and I with the help of my husband do cleaning every Saturday with of course spot cleaning during the week, but just once a month would be great to do the things I hate doing.
When I was a teenager my mother had mono
My dad and the doctor (IMO) ingored the problem until she had such a high fever that she was halucinating. At that point I informed my dad that he had two choices, take her to the hospital or call 911. He took her in and they were all amazed at how bad she was. I know they gave her some kind of antibiotic.

I could have shot my dad. He is a total hypochondriac and yet he would let her go that far.
When I was a teenager I loved babysitting
There were a couple of incredible kids right across the street that I often babysat for. I had them one New Year's Eve and I had planned games and made cupcakes for them to decorate. We had a blast.

There was a family behind us that had a 4yr old daughter and 2yr old twin sons. I only babsat for them once. I took my purse with me when I went to their house and one of the kids tried to get into it so I put it on top of the fridge. Walked into the kitchen a couple of minutes later and found one of the kids standing on a chair trying to get to my purse. Found another kid in the upstairs kids bathroom with an entire bottle of shampoo poured out all over the throw rug. I finally got them calmed down and was reading to them while sitting on the floor in the den. I have no idea how this happened but within a matter of a couple of minutes I was "accidentally" poked in both eyes. I spent 3 hours with these "kids" and got $5.00. After that every time the mom called I was busy.

When I was a teenager, my Dalmatian chewed
both of the rear tail-lights off my dad's new Lincoln Continental. She also once ate an entire, 6-foot leather leash. Taking her for a walk was like going out with a vacuum-cleaner with legs!
You sound like a little teenager with your response
You were the one who was giving a free ticket to a man freaking out after a childbirth. There is not that much freaking in the world. Grow up! You should have listened more closely to the adults when you were smaller. Your post was ridiculous.
I wish to share with you my experience as a teenager.

Hi T:   Your story sounds a little like what happened to me as a teenager.  Well really I was a virgin until 17, but after that I went through a period when I declared my independence -- or at least I thought I was.  You are so right though about girls waiting and they should not just go for sex with the 1st boy they meet.   I really feel sorry for girls who get caught up in this lifestyle, thinking to be popular with the boys, they have to do this.  Where are their mothers and dads who should guide them and give them enough confidence that they can just walk away and not worry if they are popular or not. 


I find this behavior very sad and disappointing for the girls involved.  Of course now that I am much older and I realize how foolish this was for me.  But there is still a hypocritical element to our society and boys want to get as many of the girls they can, but in the end they do not respect them.  What a vicious circle it is as a teenager.  I am just glad that is all behind me, as I am up in age near retirement. 


If I had a chance to talk to the young girls, I know what I would say.  You must value yourself and avoid any young men who would degrade you in any way.  I just wish I had a mother to be there for me at that very difficult time in my life.  That would make all the difference in the world.  


P.S.  T do not be too harsh on yourself.  I think I know where you were coming from (mind set).  This is a painful part of my past, which I have always wished to cover up.   It is healing to bring it out in the open.   


I wish to share with you my experience as a teenager.

Hi T:   Your story sounds a little like what happened to me as a teenager.  Well really I was a virgin until 17, but after that I went through a period when I declared my independence -- or at least I thought I was.  You are so right though about girls waiting and they should not just go for sex with the 1st boy they meet.   I really feel sorry for girls who get caught up in this lifestyle, thinking to be popular with the boys, they have to do this.  Where are their mothers and dads who should guide them and give them enough confidence that they can just walk away and not worry if they are popular or not. 


I find this behavior very sad and disappointing for the girls involved.  Of course now that I am much older and I realize how foolish this was for me.  But there is still a hypocritical element to our society and boys want to get as many of the girls they can, but in the end they do not respect them.  What a vicious circle it is as a teenager.  I am just glad that is all behind me, as I am up in age near retirement. 


If I had a chance to talk to the young girls, I know what I would say.  You must value yourself and avoid any young men who would degrade you in any way.  I just wish I had a mother to be there for me at that very difficult time in my life.  That would make all the difference in the world.  


P.S.  T do not be too harsh on yourself.  I think I know where you were coming from (mind set).  This is a painful part of my past, which I have always wished to cover up.   It is healing to bring it out in the open.   


i would take this opportunity to educate your teenager and her friends sm
on cycles and ovulation. you can only get pregnant during ovulation, which is usually 10-14 days after they start that time of the month. educate them at least and give them info to research and educate themselves. of course abstinence or protection is best, but education is better compared to kids having kids too.
teenager vomiting each month without menses

Hey all.  Need some advice.  I have a neice who has started vomiting violently every month, but has yet to begin menstruating.  We are thinking it may be related to her period/onset of her period.  i have heard of this somewhere, but for the life of me cannot remember what I heard.  Any information/advice? 


Also, anyone here that can recommend a good ob/gyn in the Lexington, Kentucky area? 


Thanks in advance.


HC


she absolutely can be judged harshly; any teenager should be for this reason
nm
My teenager has learned a text messaging lesson...sm

A couple of weeks ago while at drama practice one of her peers asked if she could use her cell phone both days of practice as she didn't have her cell phone with her.  My daughter let this other kid use her phone and didn't pay attention to the fact she was staying on it the entire time of the practices (the other kid only had a couple of lines).  When my daughter walked over to her her phone she saw the other kid texting - and we don't have text messaging as part of our plan.


The bill arrived yesterday and this other child ran up $63.40 in text charges because there's a 20 cent/kb/message fee.  My daughter isn't happy that she has to pay this bill out of her babysitting money but I reminded her that her phone is her responsibility and I'm not paying her bill.  She swears she'll never let anyone use her phone again.  I do hope she's learned her lesson!


As a teenager, I worked as a waitress...it sure was a school of hard knocks. LOL.
Waitresses have one of the toughest jobs.  A good waitress deserves all of her 20% tips.  Not enought money, IMHO.
Our teenager learned a valuable lesson today about cell phones....

She got a new cell phone last month and downloaded a bunch of ringtones, even though I reminded her that each one costs money + the transfer fee, which the system prompts you for as we don't have the internet plan for the cell phone (don't do text messaging either).   Well, she ignored the prompts about the 3 cents per kilibite fee and size of the files alert when she accepted the downloads she selected.  To make a long story short..... her bill for her downloads is right at $60. 


She is crying that she has to pay this bill but I'm not working overtime because she ignored my telling her about the costs and accepted the charges.  This will teach her a lesson on responsibility.  She was expecting the bill to be about $20.  She'll be babysitting up a storm this next month to pay this bill!


can buy 4 items for teenager for same price buy 8 items for younger.
nm
they are not rough looking; they are just skateboarders; all teenager skateboarders I know
nm
Re: Advice

I am a new mom to a beautiful baby girl. I didn't think I would mind going to work part-time. Well, I've been crying my self to sleep every night. I have my B.A. in Business Administration and have been in the banking industry for 6 years. I have been searching all over for a legitimate work at home opportunity. It seems like medical transcription is a great opportunity. I'd like advice from people who do this from home. I'd like to know where you got the training and what your first job was (since that seems to be a big issue). Also, will my B.A. help at all? I know employers like people with MT experience but I accquired other skills such as meticulous attention to detail that I know is needed. Any and all information is greatly appreciated. Thank you.


Please see Main board for all transcription-related topics.  This message has been moved to Main.


advice
I do have to say that unless you already have an "in" it is difficult to find a job. Most places won't hire you if you don't have at least two years experience but you can't get experience unless someone hires you. You don't necessarily have to get certified right away just take an accredited program that is specifically for medical transcription. Once your done with school just keep trying, don't give up and try to take your time and ace the preemployment tests. If you do really well some places will give you an offer even if you don't have experience. Take the first job you can get because even if it doesn't pay well you are still gaining experience and it will make it easier for you to get a new job.
Cat advice please....

I have a kitten who is appx. 7 months old. He refuses to eat any kind of cat food, canned, dry, dry mixed with canned, dry mixed with water, cat treats, etc. I have tried baby food, dog food, etc. He will only eat KMR weaning powder, which I mix with water. Have tried to mix food into it but he will not eat it. He tries to cover everything up like it should be in the cat box! No vet seems to concerned about this...he likes to eat chicken, people food chicken that is, and turkey. I am stumped.


This cat MUST learn to eat before May because I am going on vacation for 3-1/2 weeks...any suggestions for this problem?


Thanks for the advice....sm
I will give each a try! I hate to leave him while on vacation, but have no other choice. And the only reason it is for so long is because I don't fly and my DH and I are driving cross country to see family...I'm sure he will be fine, but no kids at home anymore so they are my babies! It's nice to have people to bounce ideas off of!
I thank you all for your advice - I am
an animal lover, have 2 cats, 2 dogs. Love feeding the birds outside. I can't help feeling betrayed by these outside creatures that probably fill their bellies at my bird feeders and have now started war on my house. I guess I will start off with putting some Dcon in the attic - as much as I hate to kill them, I don't want my house chewed apart either. I just hope they don't die and rot someplace where I can smell them.

My cats were going crazy last night and spent much of the night gazing up at the ceiling in my bedroom with their mouths watering. I hope at least tonight the invader picks another part of the house to snack and dig so I can get some sleep.

Thanks again for the advice.

And Hayseed - I agree that Indian is a little un-PC, so are some of the ones with the smiley faces shooting at each other, but they're pretty funny (I guess unless you're Indian)!
Re: Looking for advice

Thanks, that was very helpful! I'm sorry about the info overload, I guess I just wasn't sure exactly where to begin asking. I think I'll just get the basic foot pedal, upgraded computer, headphones etc. and get some finanicing for the "extras" that may come up and take the plunge.


My advice to you is
Get yourself the book - think it is called Co-Dependent No More and get yourself to a support group ASAP - not sure what they are called - but if someone here does not tell you then call AA yourself and find out the name of the support group for spouses, family, etc.  AND if you don't find a supportive support group - hunt around until you do - DO NOT GIVE UP.   Help yourself to understand this disease/disorder and get help for yourself and then you can help him through this process also.  Thank goodness you do not have children and good for you for asking for help.  E-mail me if you want - lots of alcoholics in my family and would be glad to help you!!  Take care.  Will be praying for  you.
This is THE best advice yet. I always will take on sm
10-year-old son's friends, especially when they say rude things. I'll say, "excuse me, what did you just say? Well, we do not talk like that in this house." And I promise you, they either stop coming around or they are VERY polite around me. If they do slip and say something rude they will immediately cover their mouths and say I'm sorry while looking at me. I do scare them a bit, I suppose. But I show them my authority and that I will not stand for that kind of nonsense and then they stop.

If they did that to me I would have immediately turned around and said, "what did you just say?" And then I'd tell a little white lie and say, "I know exactly who you 2 are" (and I'd say it so convincingly) and then say, "It looks like a call into your mother and father is in order today." Have a nice day, guys."


Thanks for the advice
I am assuming he did it sometime on Sunday. He came limping to the house on Monday morning and there was no sign of blood, no fresh blood or no old blood. It doesn't appear to be infected at all. Now that the flap is gone, I don't see any open areas at all. No swelling or redness and it is not touchy at all. He lets me manipulate it and even squeeze his paw so I don't think there is any infection there. I guess we are really bad - but no vets bills unless absolutely no other alternative!
Need advice about how to get what I want done
Okay here goes I can handle a department but when it comes to cleaning my home I have problems getting across what I want or maybe I am too nice. Tell me what you think please!!!
My home is 1st /2nd floor with a basement (laundry /storage). I want them to thoroughly clean the kitchen (any dishes, counters, stove, fridge sweep mop etc) clean all three bathrooms(completely), dust living room, dining room, and hallways. Tidy guest bedroom (you know dust vacuum). I do not want them to clean anyof the childrens rooms or mine or touch my office. I want all door sills wiped/dusted and ceiling fans and lamps cleaned and about the windows divided out so that they are cleaned at least once a month my kids have to clean theirs weekly. I am prepared to pay $100 to $120 a visit and want them in one a week or every other week which ever works better for them so that it stays decent and can be completed within a 3-5 hour time range. I have to be home when they do it because my dog will not allow it otherwise.

My problem is this I was told what I was asking was not over and above and that I was paying an extremely fair wage since the area they are actually cleaning is less than have the square footage. No work in the basement, only hallway and to small bathrooms on the second floor and all of the first floor. A couple of companies I tried were horrible right off the bat and were not asked back. The individuals seemed to work the best but after a month or two the work was being half done and I would have to go behind them checking. I do not have time for this and I do tip usually about $20 a visit. How do you get them to do everything you want. Should I be totally anal and make a check list and if it is not done subtract from their next visit???(husbands suggestion). I just want it done right I am willing to pay good money so that I can spend my free time with my kids and my husband not scrubing toilets and windows.

Thanks I appreciate any advice
Thanks for the advice- however I do not believe
she is depressed, has loads of things to keep her busy. She basically hurt my feelings when she broke her hip last year and I asked what she would like, pears so I got those, knowing she loved chocolate, got some of that and got some flowers. Oh, I had overdone it, too much. I do not remember her saying anyone else had overdone something. I am not going to say anything but that still does not justify running down something I basically went out of my way to provide for her. I only wish I had a son or daughter either 1 that I could count on like she can with me. Oh, well, guess I will just stop trying to be so kind and keep more to myself.
Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it.
/
advice
I would definetely NOT call the mom. I would try and convince the girl to go to her parents but that is probably scary for her. The clinic is the next best bet and decision can be made from there depening on the result. YOu do not want to betray your daughter. She will be very upset and may not forgive you. I wonder what in the world was this girl thinking to even put herself in this situation. Obviously she figured the morning after pill would be the solution.
need advice
Okay, you all are probably going to think this crazy, but I need some advice and input on a situation.  There is a new guy at my church who has flirted with me, sometimes in the presence of my husband.  I'm not sure if my husband has said something to him or maybe had someone else say something, but recently, he has gotten to where he will not speak to me at church if there is anyone around.  As long as there is no one around, he speaks but doesn't attempt to hug or flirt like he did at one time.  He does call me chick and things of that nature (of course, when no one is around), but I'm totally confused on what is going on with him.  Yes, I'm married, but my husband has treated my girls and myself like we're nothing the past couple of years and has been verbally abusive, and we've only stayed because everytime I try to leave he gets in the doorway and will not let us go - and he's a big man!!  I would appreciate any advice.
advice
First of all MT student, this is no drama story.  I think I sent out the wrong message here.  I'm not wanting to leave my husband because "church guy" is flirting with me.  My husband has been very dishonest the past couple of years about money situations, taxes, etc. plus the verbal abuse and just being a reall jack a**.  I can see where you all are coming from with "church guy" though.  I guess I hadn't thought about how he really is because I was too caught up in the fact that he was flirting with me even though I'm married.  Thanks for your replys and advice.
thank you for the advice .... nm

need advice...

I need advice on something.  Does anyone have/had teenage daughters?  I have a niece that is 15.  Won't be 16 until end of December.  I have heard recently through my son and mutual friends of theirs that she has been sexually active for quite some time.  She has also been drinking when she is away for overnighters with friends.  Do I talk to my sister about this in case she isn't aware of it?  My friend tells me I should stay out of it and say nothing.  Part of me does not agree with that.  If I had a teenage daughter I would want to know.  It would be bothersome to me but I'd want to know so I was sure she was being safe and obviously would not get pregnant. I don't condone any of this but they sure are going to do what they want to do and isn't it better to be safe than sorry? 


What would you do in this situation because quite honestly I'm driving myself crazy going back and forth with this issue.  It's a touchy subject with alot of people I have found out.  Some say they would not want to know.  Others say it's an invasion of privacy with my niece and she may be very angry with me afterwards.  Others say my sister could be mad because I came to her in the first place about a matter that may not be any of my business.  I have three boys so this is not my cup of tea.  I love all my nieces and treat them like my own children but this topic has hit me hard.  When I found this out on Sunday...I cried the entire night.  It's how I found out and what is being said about her that really, really bothers me. 


I appreciate any suggestions from anyone.


Thanks.


my advice
My daughters are now college age but looking back they went through the same stuff.  Girls can only be friends with one at a time.  When there is three the drama starts or the gossip etc. My daughters were the one that was usually left out.   I tried to rationalize it with them and discuss it etc and gave alternatives but the best thing I could of did was backed away and told them  to handle it themselves. My daughters were on and off again for years with the same girls for that reason.  One day so and so did not like this one, the next day my daugheter was her best friend again.  You did handle it right by reminding her that she did the same thing. 
Any advice on
a good 30-minute exercise program? Can't afford to buy anything, go to a gym or anything like that. I am 5ƍ and weight probably about 160-165 and want to get back to 120. Can't do Weight Watchers or anything that costs money! I am trying to watch what I eat, but need to start exercising and don't really know what to do other than sit-ups, jumping jacks, etc. Any advice? Would like to get back to 120 by January/February at least!
Advice from my dad:
"Marry an orphan."
Advice

My 2 cents, all my opinion:


1.  Relax.  Potty training is not a contest and there is no deadline, despite what anyone may tell you.  I remember my MIL having a fit because her grandson was not potty trained on schedule. 


2.  We had to get rid of the BIG KID disposable underwear that our son was wearing, and give him real cloth underwear.  When he was wearing the disposable type, he treated them like they were diapers.


3.  My husband and I decided that our strong-willed son was actually involved in a power struggle with us.  So, in order to create a more objective environment, my husband used a puppet of a favorite character named Elmo.  Our son was 4 at the time, and did not realize that his daddy was the voice behind Elmo.  But, Elmo was able to help avoid the parent-child power struggle and  was able to potty train our son within just a day or two.  Truly, it was just a matter of Elmo being the instructor and the cheerleader, and then we followed it up with more cheers and rewards.  Yes, rewards.


Old Cat Advice
We have a 20-year-old cat with a huge mass on his tail. We took him to the vet to have it examined. The vet said that we could either have the mass removed or wait and see what happens. We decided to wait and see.

Now, the mass has burst and is bleeding profusely. The vet shaved the tail, put antibiotics on it, and wrapped it tightly to keep pressure on the wound and control the bleeding. Our only choice, at this point, is to either have the mass removed and biopsied, possibly requiring future amputation if it comes back malignant, or just "cutting to the chase" and having his tail amputated now.

Keep in mind that this cat is 20 years old and otherwise in good health. I feel like we are between a rock and a hard place. I do not want to put him down, yet I do not want to traumatize him by amputating his tail.

Any advice would be most appreciated!


I need some advice from...

I am so upset right now I can't even think straight, so please forgive me for any mistakes in this post...


I just found out that my 17 YOD is sexually active with her loser boyfriend!!! Just writing this makes me want to throw up.  How do I handle this.  All I want to do is choke both of them.  I can't even look at her...it just turns my stomach.  I have talked openly and honestly with her about sex for as long as I can remember.  I've asked her more than once to please, PLEASE wait until she got married...or at least met the man she wants to marry.  This guy she's with is a straight up loser.  He doesn't work...he's out of school (graduated last year, so he says)...HE SMOKES...I am just sick over the whole situation.  Please, any advice would be so greatly appreciated. 


Thanks for the advice...sm

What's the difference between abscessed and infected?  I can't bite down on it at all and it feels like there is pressure inside it.  It's the same feeling I've had before when I needed a root canal, which I really don't want to go through again.  Would rather just have it extracted and be done with it. 


No, I haven't called. I'll have to give that a try.


Need advice
Is there anything natural for anxiety for a child. Don't get me wrong, this is not major, but my 6-year-old son is really having problems for about the past 3-4 weeks about me dying. Almost every night when we go to bed or before bed, he starts thinking about it and sometimes crying. He says he is afraid I'm going to die "before he knows it" After the 2nd time, I asked him why was he thinking about that and what was making him think about it and he said church, but nothing has been said in AWANA or Sunday School about parents dying or anything like that. A friend of mine told me to take him to the doctor and maybe they can give him a small small dose of something for anxiety, but I really don't want to do that. I have tried talking to him about it. I just don't know what else to do, but it's starting to really bother me to see him that worried about somehing like that. My parents are 81 and 82 and I've tried to tell him look how old memaw and papaw are and they're not dead yet and it will be a long time before I die, but that doesn't seem to help. Any suggestions?
thank you all for your advice
I never wanted for this to happen. I wanted just so much to get to know my brother and find out the answers behind his death. This man does fill a significant hole in my life and I am afraid to death of losing that happiness. I know he belongs to someone else even if they are or may be unhappy. I just opened myself up way too wide to this man. I don't fault anyone but myself. I don't think I will make it through losing him. I know that his retirement will be the finality of our friendship. I just cannot get to that point. Thank you all for your help and for listening. I pray I have the strength to get through this. I just don't want to let him go.
Thanks for the advice (sm)
I have tried that approach as well, but she has some enablers, namely her husband (who is passive aggressive too, strangely enough) that I don't think she really gets the point. In true PA fashion, she makes excuses until somebody else takes the initiative and then blames them. I read somewhere that PA is the hardest personality to put up with because you will never follow their rules as their rules always change. Boy, is that true...
Need advice

I need some advice.  My husband has this very bad habit of getting upset with my girls right as they are getting ready for bed.  He goes on and on and until he realizes they have turned him out.  Then, after they get to sleep he will go wake them up and tell them he's sorry.  I know he is doing this to relieve his guilty conscious, and I have asked him to stop doing this, but unfortunately he continues.  Recently, he got upset with them because they had science projects due.  They kept asking for his help, and he kept putting it off.  Then, he started giving them grief because they waited to the last minute.  When they reminded him of their asking him a few weeks ago to help his response is, "Well, all I've gotta say is I better make a 100 on those projects!"  Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop doing this?