Talk about a good Christmas present....

Here in Atlanta we have a new member of our community, a 100 day old panda!! She is not on display yet, took her first steps the other day and has to be walking some before her debut. I am so happy. She is absolutely beautiful and her new name is Mei Lan which means Atlanta Beauty. I saw her parents when they first came to live with us several years ago and now I can hardly wait to see her. What a wonderful Christmas present already.....Can't get any better!

• Talk about a good Christmas present.... - GaPeach
  • Do you have a zoo membership? sm - Georgia Gal
    • The only panda, I hear, born in the US this year is in Atlanta, yeh! - GaPeach

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Red velvet cake

Round-trip plane ticket home to my family for Christmas

...yep, I'm feeling sorry for myself.  I didn't receive a single Christmas card or gift.  My only child and I decided to forego gifts for each other and just concentrate on providing gifts for my granddaughter.   A friend said she would call last week and we'd go to lunch, but I never heard anything else from her. Makes me realize I really have no friends and am not worth remembering.  Just a card would have made me feel better.

On top of that, I fear I'm going on such thin ice with both of my part-time jobs that I'm afraid every day I go in, I'll be called into the supervisor's office and fired.  I just can't keep up with the transcription as well as the other part-time person has done.  I'm in debt--really have not had a good-paying job in 2 years and things have built up on credit cards.  I used to think I was pretty intelligent--but now have doubts about that, even.  I'm ashamed about my predicament and have avoided people for over a year, so I'm sure that's part of my isolated feeling.  What can I do?

If your child was previously gothic, how long did it take for them to grow out of this phase?  I'm tired of seeing our 15-year-old wear black all of the time.  She refuses to wear anything else, and the black eyeshadow looks ridiculous.   I told her the other day that if she isn't going to wear her other makeup that she wanted over the summer then give it to me as I'd give it to a kid that would wear it - especially since there is some that hasn't been opened yet.   She isn't happy that we won't let her get those weird body piercings or tattoos... but oh well, we've told her that until she is on her own she has to live by our rules.  Overall she's a good kid and doesn't socialize outside of school so at least we're not dealing with the "what's my kid doing with their friends at night" thing!

What breed(s) do you have now? What have you had in the past?

I have two Basset Hounds now.

In the past, I've owned a Beagle/German Shepherd mix, a PitBull/Doberman mix, a Beagle, and another Basset Hound. Growing up, I had a Chihuahua and an English Springer Spaniel.

Love Basset Hounds the best of all breeds, followed closely by the Beagle.

As I said before in another post, I miss everyone so much...

So, I have absolutely NOTHING to talk about.  Love my new job, love that spring is on the way, and I love that my belly is absolutely filled up with pancakes my husband kindly made for me just now...even though it's lunchtime and not breakfast.  I'm one of those freaks that could eat breakfast-type foods at every meal. 

...and that reminds me that it's almost that time of year to order some baby chicks for next month.  Laying hens, not for meat or anything, just eggs and entertainment.  I can't wait for warm weather--it's been a long HARSH winter this year.  In fact, I think we're due for another ice storm at the end of the week. 

I hope everyone who stops by to read my note about nothing finds themselves and their families in good health.  Miss you all, even the ones that can't stand seeing that "Hayseed" name up there. 

Any discussion or decisions about your son's feelings should be done with your son.  This is an ideal situation to guide him in a positive direction.  First of all, you are his mother and always will be.  She may be doing the parenting tasks for now, and should be respected for giving of herself, but she should not interfere in your relationship with your son.  Unfortunately that happens too often in families of divorce these days.

Ask how he feels about what is being said.  Ask how he responds to it...or does not not respond at all.  There may come a time where he listens to the garbage, then can stand up to her and say, "Aunt _____, I appreciate everything you are doing to help me with letting me stay here.  There are some people who would not do what you are doing for me.  But, my mom is my mom and I love her.  She is always going to be my mom and you are always going to be my aunt.  I feel I am lucky to have two different mom figures in my life that I can count on to help me learn how to deal with adult problems."

This sounds really dorky and I'm sorry others were as harsh towards you.  I hope you put your own feelings in check and focus on your son's feelings as those being the ones that should be focused upon.  He will be coming back to you one day, and everything that happens while he is away will stay with him.  How you react is going to have more of an impact than what she says/does, especially when it is negative.

I know something of what you are going through.  I am raising my grandchild.  My ex's family did not speak to me for 10 years, but now that I have custody of my grandchild, for my ex's sake, they have been more genuinely caring and welcoming to me than my own family.  There are a lot of words from the past being swallowed by my ex-SIL.  I have proven that beyond myself, my decisions first reflect the best interest of the child.  Everyone, even the child, feels it and knows it to be true.  From that, respect is being rebuilt.

Good luck to you and your son.

Sit down with him and tell him very calmly that you feel uncomfortable with this situation and ask him why he feels the need to do this. No matter what he says, keep your cool, and do your best not to say anything to make him feel defensive. Just be very clear about your feelings and your desire for him to stop this behavior.

To be honest, I doubt very much he will change, and I don't blame you for not wanting to live with this situation. The reason I am suggesting that you talk to him about it is to make it clear to him exactly what the problem is so that if/when you seek a divorce, he cannot claim that he didn't know there was a problem.

Internet addiction, particularly internet porn addiction, is a serious problem and is not easily "cured". I'm glad the two of you don't have any children. That will make things much easier, at least when it comes to legalities. Emotionally I know it is devastating, and I am very sorry you are going through this.

where my husband and I stand regarding number of times per week/month... whatever.  We are in our early 40s and we do at least 3 times a week and he seriously thinks it should be daily.  I think he gets it more than most; maybe not.

This place is what I mean....

Sometimes I mention to people, that 'someone on the MTStars' said this or that, and they look at me like I have three heads or something!

I just seem to know lots of people who don't even KNOW what a message board is ... just wondering if it's cause I live up here in the boonies?

I would talk to her about getting a restraining order against him and possibly pressing charges for the threats and harrassment.  I know this may sound extreme, but your dad sounds pretty unstable.  I get the idea that maybe you don't want to be the one to turn him in, that's why I suggested you talk to your mom about doing it and go together to do it. 

If I remember correctly, you're married, right?  Is your husband at all willing to get involved and maybe tell your dad to stop.  Maybe he could get through to your dad a little better.

For the short term with the phone calls, I would answer it the first time he calls and tell him before he even starts talking that "I'm working and I will call you when I'm finished."  Then hang up and when you are done, call him.  Lay out the ground rules during that callback -- i.e. talking about mom is off-limits.  Be firm.  If he continues to call you after you tell him you'll call him back, turn the ringer on your phone off.  My phone still lights up, so I can see that someone is calling, but there's no constant ringing to interrupt.  It might take a few times, but be persistent and hopefully it will work. 

Your mom is going to try to defend him, so I think you may need to really tread carefully there.  It's like when you have a kid (or were a kid) if Mom said do this, you did that, just out of sheer orneriness.

Now as to him sending her his debit card number, I'll be shocked and surprised if any repair shop accepts just a number like that for payment.

Have you tried going to the local police to see if they have any info on him or if they know of anything similar happening to anyone else?  You could tell them the bit about the debit card - maybe there is a way to find out if it is stolen or not.

Beyond that, I really don't know what to tell you.  Mom is an adult.  I'm assuming she is a mentally competent adult, so you can't have her committed or anthing like that.  Does she live alone?  This is far out there, but is there a possibility you could get to her computer and put a filter of some sort on that would block him ?  I don't know if that's possible or feasible.

Good luck.

I am the grandma, but I'm raising my granddaughter.  Both parents have supervised visitation, but don't visit.  My ex-husband, my GD's only grandfather, comes to get her every couple of months for a visit either alone with her or with his family.  When this happens, she gets loaded down with presents.  Even though there are other children in the family (although she is the youngest), none of the others are not treated equally.  They all feel "so bad" for what has happened to my GD (granted it HAS been bad), but a special extended family dinner, huge bag of toys and candies for Valentine's Day was just too much for me.  I asked him to please consider and talk to his family about these excesses.  I reminded him that if he/they continued to treat her as "damaged," she will consider herself as being "damaged" and will always have a victim attitude and have the expectation that she should be treated differently.  Once he thought about it from point of view, he understood better and things have cooled down.  They still visit, but the gifts are fewer and not as over-the-top as before.

I think the same thing happens to children of divorces.  The noncustodial family tries to over compensate for not being there as much as the custodial parent.  I don't think your daughter needs to speak to the new "wife", but should try to have a reasonable and nonthreatening talk with her ex about always trying to think what is best for the child...not the adults.  Every time I need to make a decision, I always ask myself "is this in her best interest."  I've had to make some hard decisions, and this philosophy has made everything easier.  Good luck.

bad about the rheumatologist, but compared to where I was a year ago - mine has been a godsend.  He has me taking tramadol for generalized pain and when it gets severe I take hydrocodone (I've only been in treatment since January), he says we'll keep me on this for now as long as its managing the pain and when it doesn't work then we'll change it (so far so good - pain comes and goes - the fatigue is the worst by far and like you said nothing can be done for that), I take 900 mg of Neurontin for the tingling/numbness in my legs/feet, 150 mg of Zoloft and Zanaflex for the muscle spasms.  He also has me walking 30 minutes a day, stretching exercises and once my pool is opened for the summer he has given me a instruction video on some water aerobics to work on to help the muscles.  I really hate that so many people have had failed attempts with the rheumatologist becaue mine has been great - (let me knock on wood that it stays this way)...thanks for the advice though in case something should change and he not be an advocate for my health in managing my pain, etc..I know where to go..

I just bought a Will through Suze Orman's site (love her!), but was wondering about the part where you need to bring 2 witnesses with you to get it notarized. Has anyone done this or know how to go about getting this all done? The people I would trust to go with are in the Will, so what do you do? Can I go to the library or Currency Exchange? I watch her show and finally cracked down to get one since I am 39 with a family. Any experience or advice would be great. You can also e-mail me.

Thanks!

Tomorrow's my day off, and I will see if the ex is receptive to reason.  We have real problems communicating about most any issue, his general attitude is "don't you dare try to tell ME what to do, biatch!".  It is the policy of his household to have all calls put on speakerphone and let anybody in his household at the time I call horn in on what I wish could be private phone conversations with my son.  I have repeatedly complained to the court about this practice, the court has ordered him to keep the speaker phone off when I call, but he ignores it, and even if I go to the trouble of recording/submitting every conversation to the court, they aren't going to do anything about it.

He is deeply involved with people (who I knew very well back when) that are paranoid hypochondriacs who have abused antibiotics to the point that no antibiotics work for them any more.  Since he mentioned their name when he barged into the last phone conversation, I am assuming they have his ear and have influenced him into this overreaction.  Since I disagree with his actions he is likely to become hostile and tell me to shove off, but I guess I'll try and see if there's any hope of making him see reason.  I suppose it'll all be about timing - if there's a houseful of ne'er do wells shouting comments when I call tomorrow, I'll know whether to try or not.