Well, it does take TWO to compromise - can't do it by myself (sm)

Posted By: OP on 2007-09-26
In Reply to: why can't HE compromise so WE can all be happy?? - devil's advocate

I think 10 years of waiting is compromising pretty good. I am willing to meet him halfway and find somewhere that he can be happy as well as the rest of us.

Yes I have seriously sat down and discussed this with him and with a marriage counsellor many times. I have attempted to improve our situation many times, however I am not allowed to spend any money on the house and he does not want me to paint, etc., without his help, but he is never available to help. I have done a few rooms while he has been out of town and he has come home and found out and been very angry. If I was to order repairs on the house through someone else, even if I paid for it myself, he would be furious, as if I had stepped on his toes.

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My husband refuses to move (sm) - Grounds for divorce??
- Since there are kids involved, I'd think long and hard (sm) - anon
- Simple solution - Me
- Truth is ... - Kristy
- Marriage counseling - Have you tried it?
  - Yep - Four different counsellors! (nm) - OP
    - Wake up and do yourself a favor.... - phillychick
- See inside RE: Divorce. - another MT
- He "hopes to find another woman?!!" How can you think of - staying after hearing that?!! Wow.. Leave & be hap
  - he'll find another because she said she wants to leave. - no need for exclamation; not a big deal -
    - I'm really shocked at what you said (sm) - Grounds for divorce??
    - How is it not a big deal when there are kids involved? (sm) - Grounds for divorce??
  - ...and be happy! Still lots of life left to live - WHERE you WANT to live. Good luck! NM
- he did say you can move and maybe he'll find a woman who likes his life. - he sounds like a decent man. N/M
  - Also, because he is married to me, not the house (nm) - OP
  - But why can't he compromise so we can all be happy - not just him?? (sm) - Grounds for divorce??
    - why can't HE compromise so WE can all be happy?? - devil's advocate
      - Well, it does take TWO to compromise - can't do it by myself (sm) - OP
        If he is that controlling ... - devil's advocate
    - He is selfish, that's why, and will not change! nm - phillychick
      - look, she wanted to move the first year they bought the house.. - who is the selfish one? n/m
        Because I realized it was a bad decision to move here (sm) - OP
        and while I'm on a roll I might add that he found time to build a barn but not fix the obvious (s - OP
    - Why is the lifestyle more important? - Kinnie

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But why can't he compromise so we can all be happy - not just him?? (sm)
Why is his lifestyle and this house more important to him than his wife and children?

why can't HE compromise so WE can all be happy??
Ask yourself 2 questions. One, have you honestly given this your best efforts or once you decided you didn't like it did you start your campaign to move? What can you do to improve the situation? Why are you so isolated - how close are your neighbors? Town? school? If it's the isolation and the clutter, what can you do to help improve your own situation?

Two, have you complained about wanting to move or have you sat down and seriously, honestly, openly explained to this man you love how you feel about living here - without being accusatory? Have you asked him why he wants to live there and not "in town".

I'd be totally ticked! Time for a compromise or separate
s